Tan Le: My immigration story

Translator: Zuzana Piovarciova Reviewer: Renáta Rudišinová

How can I speak in 10 minutes

Ako môžem vyrozprávať v desiatich minútach

about the bonds of women over three generations,

príbeh o pute žien z troch generácií,

about how the astonishing strength of those bonds

o tom ako neuveriteľná sila tohto puta

took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl

vzostúpila v živote

štvorročného dievčatka

huddled with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother

schúleného v náručí sestry

matky a starej mamy

päť dní a päť nocí

for five days and nights in a small boat in the China Sea

na malej loďke v Čínskom mori

pred viac ako tridsiatimi rokmi.

more than 30 years ago.

Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl

Putá, ktoré sa vytvorili v živote toho dievčatka

a nikdy viac nezmizli -

and never let go --

that small girl now living in San Francisco

to dievčatko žije dnes v San Franciscu

a dnes sa k vám prihovára.

and speaking to you today.

Tento príbeh sa ešte neskončil.

This is not a finished story.

It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together.

Je to ako skladačka, z ktorej ešte stále chýbajú jednotlivé diely na jej dokončenie.

Dovoľte mi povedať vám o niektorých častiach tejto skladačky.

Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

Predstavte si prvú časť:

Imagine the first piece: a man burning his life's work.

muž páli svoje životné dielo.

He is a poet, a playwright,

Je to básnik, spisovateľ,

muž, ktorého celý život

a man whose whole life

had been balanced on the single hope of his country's unity and freedom.

stál na jedinej nádeji,

že jeho krajina je jednotná a slobodná.

Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon --

Predstavte si, ako komunisti vchádzajú do Saigonu,

confronting the fact that his life had been a complete waste.

a on čelí skutočnosti,

že celý jeho život bol zbytočný.

Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him.

Slová, ktoré boli dlhý čas jeho priateľmi, sa mu teraz vysmievali.

Stiahol sa do úplného ticha.

He retreated into silence.

He died broken by history.

Zomrel zlomený históriou.

He is my grandfather.

Bol to môj starý otec.

Nikdy som ho v skutočnom živote nespoznala.

I never knew him in real life.

Ale naše životy sú omnoho viac ako spomienky.

But our lives are much more than our memories.

My grandmother never let me forget his life.

Stará mama mi nikdy nedovolila zabudnúť na jeho život.

My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain,

A mojou povinnosťou bolo nedovoliť, aby to všetko, čo sa stalo, bolo zbytočné

a mojou lekciou na poučenie

and my lesson was to learn that, yes, history tried to crush us,

bolo, že, áno, dejiny nás chceli pokoriť,

but we endured.

ale my sme to vydržali.

Ďalšou časťou skladačky

The next piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn

je loď za východu slnka,

slipping silently out to sea.

ktorá sa pokojne kĺže do mora.

Moja matka, Mai, mala 18 rokov,

My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died --

keď zomrel jej otec.

already in an arranged marriage,

Už vtedy v dohovorenom manželstve,

already with two small girls.

už vtedy s dvoma malými dievčatkami.

For her, life had distilled itself into one task:

Už vtedy sa jej život zmenil na jedinú túžbu:

utiecť od rodiny

the escape of her family and a new life in Australia.

a začať nový život v Austrálii.

It was inconceivable to her that she would not succeed.

A nemohla si ani pomyslieť,

že by sa jej to nepodarilo.

So after a four-year saga that defies fiction,

Takže po štvorročnej ságe, čo pripomína skôr fikciu,

a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fishing vessel.

loďka prestrojená za rybársku loď

vkĺzla do mora.

All the adults knew the risks.

Všetci dospelí poznali riziká.

The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death.

Najväčší strach budili piráti,

znásilnenie a smrť.

Tak ako väčšina dospelých na lodi,

Like most adults on the boat,

takisto si aj moja mama niesla so sebou fľaštičku s jedom.

my mother carried a small bottle of poison.

If we were captured, first my sister and I,

Ak by nás zajali, vypila by ho prvá moja sestra a ja,

mama a stará mama.

then she and my grandmother would drink.

My first memories are from the boat --

Moje prvé spomienky sú z tej lode -

stály hukot motora,

the steady beat of the engine,

prova sa vnára sa do každej vlny,

the bow dipping into each wave,

nekonečný a prázdny horizont.

the vast and empty horizon.

Nespomínam si na pirátov, ktorí sa objavili veľakrát,

I don't remember the pirates who came many times,

but were bluffed by the bravado of the men on our boat,

ale boli sme zachránení odvahou

mužov na lodi,

or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours.

alebo keď nám zlyhal motor

a nechcel sa naštartovať po celých šesť hodín.

But I do remember the lights on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast

Ale presne si pamätám svetlá ropnej plošiny

na malajskom pobreží

a mladého muža, ktorý sa zrútil a zomrel,

and the young man who collapsed and died,

the journey's end too much for him,

cesta pre neho skončila priskoro,

a prvé jablko, ktoré som kedy ochutnala,

and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig.

a podaroval mi ho muž z ropnej plošiny.

No apple has ever tasted the same.

Žiadne jablko mi už nikdy nechutilo tak isto.

Po troch mesiacoch v utečeneckom tábore,

After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne.

sme pristáli v Melbourne.

A ďalší kúsok skladačky

And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women

je o štyroch ženách troch generácií

across three generations shaping a new life together.

ako si spolu vytvárajú nový život.

Usídlili sme sa vo Footscray,

We settled in Footscray,

na robotníckom predmestí,

a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants.

kde bývali výlučne cudzinci.

Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious of,

Na rozdiel od predmestí strednej triedy,

o ktorej som nemala ani tušenie,

v Footscray neexistoval pocit, že by sa situácia mohla zlepšiť.

there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray.

Z otvorených dverí obchodov páchli zvyšky sveta.

The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world.

A ľudia si vymieňali

And the snippets of halting English

útržky lámanej angličtiny.

were exchanged between people who had one thing in common:

Tí ľudia mali spoločnú len jednu vec,

They were starting again.

začínali odznovu.

My mother worked on farms,

Moja matka pracovala na farme,

then on a car assembly line,

potom na automobilovej montážnej linke,

working six days, double shifts.

pracovala šesť dní v týždni, dvojité zmeny.

A predsa si našla čas na štúdium angličtiny

Somehow, she found time to study English

and gain IT qualifications.

a získala certifikáty z informatiky.

Boli sme chudobní.

We were poor.

A všetky naše doláre boli vyčlenené

All the dollars were allocated

výlučne na hodiny angličtiny a matematiky

and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for

a boli vyplatené

regardless of what missed out,

bez ohľadu na to, čo iné nám chýbalo,

which was usually new clothes;

bolo to obyčajne nové oblečenie,

vždy sme nakupovali v second-hande.

they were always secondhand.

Dva páry pančúch do školy,

Two pairs of stockings for school,

each to hide the holes in the other.

každý z nich, aby zakryl dieru v tom druhom.

Školská uniforma až po členky,

A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years.

pretože nám musela vydržať šesť rokov.

A potom tu boli občasné no nemilosrdné posmešky

And there were rare but searing chants of "slit-eye"

"vy šikmookí"

a niekedy aj nasprejované nápisy:

and the occasional graffiti:

"Asian, go home."

"Aziati, chodťe domov."

Go home to where?

Ísť domov, ale kam?

Niečo vo mne stuhlo.

Something stiffened inside me.

There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying,

Začal sa vo mne hromadiť tichý

no rozhodný hlas, ktorý hovoril: „Nebudem si vás všímať."

"I will bypass you."

Moja matka, sestra a ja

My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed.

sme spávali v jednej posteli.

My mother was exhausted each night,

Mama bola každú noc vyčerpaná,

ale vždy sme sa porozprávali o našom dni

but we told one another about our day

a načúvali sme, ako chodí

and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house.

stará mama po dome.

Mama mávala nočné mory,

My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat.

všetky z nich boli o lodi.

And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came

A mojou úlohou bolo zostať hore, až kým neprišli jej nočné mory,

so I could wake her.

aby som ju potom mohla zobudiť.

Otvorila si počítačový obchod,

She opened a computer store,

potom študovala za kozmetičku

then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

a otvorila si ďalší obchod.

And the women came with their stories

Ženy prichádzali so svojimi príbehmi

about men who could not make the transition,

o mužoch, ktorý sa nedokázali dostať na druhú stranu,

nahnevané a zaťaté

angry and inflexible,

and troubled children caught between two worlds.

problémové deti uviaznuté medzi dvoma svetmi.

Hľadali sa štipendiá a sponzori.

Grants and sponsors were sought.

Centers were established.

Založili sa centrá.

Žila som v paralelných svetoch.

I lived in parallel worlds.

V jednom som bola typický ázijský študent,

In one, I was the classic Asian student,

relentless in the demands that I made on myself.

vytrvalý a neoblomný v požiadavkoch, ktoré som si na seba kládla.

In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious,

V tom druhom som bola zamiešaná do neistých životov,

tragically scarred by violence, drug abuse and isolation.

tragicky poznačených násilím,

užívaním drôg a izoláciou.

But so many over the years were helped.

Ale mnohí z nich našli počas tých rokov pomoc.

A za túto prácu, keď som bola v poslednom roku štúdia na právnickej fakulte,

And for that work, when I was a final-year law student,

I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year.

bola som vybraná za mladú Austrálčanku roka.

And I was catapulted from one piece of the jigsaw to another,

Vymrštilo ma to z jednej časti skladačky

do druhej, avšak okraje jednej a tej druhej

and their edges didn't fit.

do seba nezapadali.

Tan Leová, anonymná občianka Footscray,

Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,

sa stala teraz Tan Leovou, utečenkyňou a sociálnou aktivistkou,

was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist,

invited to speak in venues she had never heard of

pozývanou na udalosti, o ktorých nikdy nepočula

a do domácností, o ktorých existencii

and into homes whose existence she could never have imagined.

ani len nesnívala.

Nevedela som, ako sa správne správať.

I didn't know the protocols.

Nevedela som, ako používať príbor.

I didn't know how to use the cutlery.

Nevedela som, ako rozprávať o víne.

I didn't know how to talk about wine.

I didn't know how to talk about anything.

Nevedela som, ako rozprávať o čomkoľvek.

I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort

Chcela som sa siahnuť späť do kolobehu a komfortu

of life in an unsung suburb --

života na neznámom predmestí.

a grandmother, a mother and two daughters

Stará mama, mama a dve dcéry

ending each day as they had for almost 20 years,

končiac svoj deň tak, ako to robili po posledných 20 rokov,

jedna druhej rozpráva svoj príbeh dňa

telling one another the story of their day

a pritom zaspávajú,

and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed.

a všetky tri stále v tej istej posteli.

Povedala som mame, že to nedokážem.

I told my mother I couldn't do it.

She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been

Pripomenula mi, že som práve teraz vo veku, keď

ona nastúpila na loď.

when we boarded the boat.

"No" had never been an option.

Nie nikdy nebola žiadnou z možností.

„Len to urob," povedala mi,

"Just do it," she said,

"and don't be what you're not."

„a nebuď tým, čím byť nechceš."

So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education

A tak som prehovorila o nezamestnanosti a vzdelaní mladej generácie

and the neglect of the marginalized and disenfranchised.

a zanedbanosti okrajových a znevýhodnených skupín.

Čím viac som otvorene hovorila,

And the more candidly I spoke, the more I was asked to speak.

tým viac ma žiadali, aby som pokračovala.

Stretla som sa s ľuďmi s rôznym osudom,

I met people from all walks of life,

so many of them doing the thing they loved,

mnohí z nich robili, čo milovali,

žijúc na hranici možností.

living on the frontiers of possibility.

And even though I finished my degree,

A aj napriek ukončeniu vysokoškolské vzdelanie,

I realized I could not settle into a career in law.

som si uvedomila, že právničkou byť nemôžem.

There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.

Musí niekde existovať ešte ďalší kúsok skladačky.

A vtedy som si uvedomila,

And I realized, at the same time,

that it is OK to be an outsider,

že je v poriadku byť outsiderom,

imigrantom,

a recent arrival,

new on the scene --

novým na scéne.

and not just OK,

A nielen v poriadku,

but something to be thankful for,

ale možno je treba byť vďačný za,

perhaps a gift from the boat.

možno za dar z lodi.

Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons,

Pretože byť doma vo svojej krajine,

môže veľmi ľahko zrútiť obzory,

môže veľmi ľahko

can so easily mean accepting the presumptions of your province.

prijať očakávania vašej oblasti.

V tomto momente som vystúpila z mojej až príliš bezpečnej zóny,

I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now

to know that, yes, the world does fall apart,

aby som vedela, že, áno, tento svet sa naozaj rozpadá,

ale nie takým spôsobom, ktorý by nás desil.

but not in the way that you fear.

Possibilities that would not have been allowed

Možnosti, ktoré by neboli povolené,

sa neuveriteľne podporovali.

were outrageously encouraged.

Bola v tom energia,

There was an energy there,

an implacable optimism,

nezmieriteľný optimizmus,

a strange mixture of humility and daring.

zvláštna zmes pokory a odvahy.

A tak som nasledovala svoj vnútorný hlas.

So I followed my hunches.

Zhromaždila som okolo seba malý tím ľudí,

I gathered around me a small team of people

for whom the label "It can't be done" was an irresistible challenge.

pre ktorých nálepka „Je to nemožné"

bola neodolateľnou výzvou.

For a year, we were penniless.

Viac ako rok sme nemali ani penny.

At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup

Na konci každého dňa som vždy spravila obrovský hrniec polievky,

s ktorým sme sa všetci podelili.

which we all shared.

Pracovali sme až do noci.

We worked well into each night.

Most of our ideas were crazy,

Väčšina našich nápadov bola bláznivá,

but a few were brilliant,

ale našli sa nejaké úžasné

and we broke through.

a s nimi sme prerazili.

I made the decision to move to the US after only one trip.

Rozhodla som sa presťahovať do USA

hneď po ich prvej návšteve.

My hunches again.

Znova môj vnútorný hlas.

Three months later, I had relocated, and the adventure has continued.

Tri mesiace po presťahovaní

moje dobrodružstvo pokračovalo.

Predtým než uzavriem,

Before I close, though, let me tell you about my grandmother.

dovoľte mi vyrozprávať príbeh o mojej starej mame.

Vyrástla v čase, keď

She grew up at a time when Confucianism was the social norm

konfucionizmus bol spoločenskou normou

and the local mandarin was the person who mattered.

a najdôležitejšou osobou bol miestny mandarín.

Život sa tam nemenil po storočia.

Life hadn't changed for centuries.

Jej otec zomrel veľmi skoro po jej narodení.

Her father died soon after she was born.

Her mother raised her alone.

Matka ju vychovala sama.

At 17, she became the second wife of a mandarin whose mother beat her.

V sedemnástich sa stala druhou manželkou

mandarína, ktorého matka ju mlátila.

With no support from her husband,

Bez podpory manžela

spôsobila rozruch, keď sa s ním súdila

she caused a sensation by taking him to court

and prosecuting her own case,

a sama sa obhajovala

and a far greater sensation when she won.

a na oveľa väčšie prekvapenie, vyhrala.

(Laughter)

(Smiech)

(Applause)

(Potlesk)

Fráza „Je to nemožné" bola vyvrátená.

"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.

I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney

Práve som bola v sprche hotelovej izby v Sydney,

the moment she died,

keď zomrela.

600 miles away, in Melbourne.

600 míľ od Melbourne.

Pozrela som sa cez sklo v sprche

I looked through the shower screen and saw her standing on the other side.

a videla som ju, ako stojí na jeho opačnej strane.

I knew she had come to say goodbye.

Vedela som, že sa prišla rozlúčiť.

Moja mama mi zavolala o pár minút nato.

My mother phoned minutes later.

O pár dní neskôr

A few days later,

we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray and sat around her casket.

sme šli do budhistického chrámu vo Footscray

a posadali si okolo jej rakvy.

Rozprávali sme si jej príbehy

We told her stories and assured her that we were still with her.

a uistili ju, že sme s ňou aj naďalej.

At midnight, the monk came and told us he had to close the casket.

O polnoci prišiel mních

a oznámil nám, že musí rakvu zatvoriť.

My mother asked us to feel her hand.

Moja mama nás poprosila, aby sme sa dotkli jej ruky.

She asked the monk,

Spýtala sa mnícha:

"Why is it that her hand is so warm and the rest of her is so cold?"

„Čím to je, že jej ruka je taká teplá

a zvyšok jej tela taký studený?"

"Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said.

A on odpovedal: „Pretože jej tú ruku držíte od rána."

"You have not let it go."

„Nepustili ste ju."

If there is a sinew in our family, it runs through the women.

Ak existuje sila v našej rodine,

určite je v ženách.

Je to tým, kým sme, a ako si nás život vytvaroval.

Given who we were and how life had shaped us,

Teraz si uvedomujeme,

we can now see that the men that might have come into our lives

že muži, ktorí by vstúpili do našich životov,

would have thwarted us.

by ich iba zmarili.

Defeat would have come too easily.

Boli by sme ľahko poraziteľné.

Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat.

V tomto čase snívam o vlastnej rodine

a stále myslím na tú loď.

Kto by v tom chcel byť sám?

Who could ever wish it on their own?

Mám strach z takého privilégia

Yet I am afraid of privilege,

pohody,

of ease,

of entitlement.

nároku.

Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave,

Som schopná im dať odvahu v ich živote,

odvážne sa vnárajúcu do každej vlny,

the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine,

neprerušovaný a stály hukot motora,

šíry horizont,

the vast horizon that guarantees nothing?

ktorý nič nezaručuje?

Neviem.

I don't know.

Ale ak by som im to mohla dať

But if I could give it

and still see them safely through,

a vedela by som, že budú v bezpečí,

určite by som to urobila.

I would.

(Applause)

(Potlesk)

Trevor Neilson: Dnes je tu s nami tiež Tanina matka

Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today,

v štvrtom či piatom rade.

in the fourth or fifth row.

(Applause)

(Potlesk)