Tan Le: My immigration story

Translator: Snežana Stone Reviewer: Lenka Tušar

How can I speak in 10 minutes

Kako naj v desetih minutah povem,

about the bonds of women over three generations,

kaj veže tri generacije žensk,

about how the astonishing strength of those bonds

kako je osupljiva moč teh vezi

took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl

dala oporo življenju

štiriletne deklice,

huddled with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother

ki se je stiskala z mlajšo sestro,

mamo in babico

pet dni in noči

for five days and nights in a small boat in the China Sea

na majhnem čolnu v Kitajskem morju

pred več kot tridesetimi leti;

more than 30 years ago.

Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl

vezi, ki so dale oporo deklici

in nikoli niso popustile ...

and never let go --

that small girl now living in San Francisco

deklici, ki zdaj živi v San Franciscu

in je danes pred vami?

and speaking to you today.

To ni končana zgodba.

This is not a finished story.

It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together.

To je še nedokončana sestavljanka.

Dovolite, da vam predstavim nekatere koščke.

Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

Zamislite si prvi košček:

Imagine the first piece: a man burning his life's work.

na njem je moški, ki zažiga svoje življensko delo.

He is a poet, a playwright,

Pesnik je, dramatik,

moški, katerega celo življenje

a man whose whole life

had been balanced on the single hope of his country's unity and freedom.

je viselo na upanju,

da bo njegova dežela enotna in svobodna.

Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon --

Zamislite si ga, ko so komunisti vkorakali v Saigon,

confronting the fact that his life had been a complete waste.

ko se je soočil z dejstvom,

da je bilo njegovo življenje zaman.

Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him.

Besede, njegovi dolgoletni prijatelji, so se mu posmehovale.

Umaknil se je v molk.

He retreated into silence.

He died broken by history.

Umrl je, zlomila ga je zgodovina.

He is my grandfather.

To je moj dedek.

Nikoli ga nisem poznala.

I never knew him in real life.

A naša življenja so veliko več kot spomini.

But our lives are much more than our memories.

My grandmother never let me forget his life.

Babica mi ni dovolila pozabiti njegovega življenja.

My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain,

Nisem smela dovoliti, da bi bilo zaman

in morala sem se naučiti,

and my lesson was to learn that, yes, history tried to crush us,

da nas je zgodovina skušala streti,

but we endured.

a smo vztrajale.

Na naslednjem koščku sestavljanke

The next piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn

je čoln, ki v ranem jutru

slipping silently out to sea.

tiho drsi na odprto morje.

Moji mami Mai je bilo 18 let,

My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died --

ko je dedek umrl.

already in an arranged marriage,

Njena poroka je bila dogovorjena,

already with two small girls.

imela je že dve deklici.

For her, life had distilled itself into one task:

Zadala si je le eno nalogo:

da bo z družino zbežala

the escape of her family and a new life in Australia.

in začela novo življenje v Avstraliji.

It was inconceivable to her that she would not succeed.

Ni si mogla zamisliti,

da ji ne bi uspelo.

So after a four-year saga that defies fiction,

Po štiriletni sagi, ki presega domišljijo,

a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fishing vessel.

se je čoln izmuznil na odprto morje

pod krinko ribiške ladje.

All the adults knew the risks.

Vsi odrasli so vedeli, kaj tvegajo.

The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death.

Najbolj so se bali piratov,

posilstva in smrti.

Kot večina odraslih na čolnu

Like most adults on the boat,

je imela moja mati pri sebi stekleničko strupa.

my mother carried a small bottle of poison.

If we were captured, first my sister and I,

Če bi nas ujeli, bi ga spile,

najprej sestra in jaz, nato mama in babica.

then she and my grandmother would drink.

My first memories are from the boat --

Moji prvi spomini so z ladje -

enakomeren ropot motorja,

the steady beat of the engine,

ladijski kljun, ki se potaplja v valove,

the bow dipping into each wave,

širno in prazno obzorje.

the vast and empty horizon.

Ne spomnim se piratov, ki so prišli velikokrat,

I don't remember the pirates who came many times,

but were bluffed by the bravado of the men on our boat,

a jih je pregnala drznost

moških z naše ladje,

or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours.

ali pokvarjenega motorja,

ki se šest ur ni hotel zagnati.

But I do remember the lights on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast

Spomnim pa se luči na naftni ploščadi

blizu malezijske obale

in mladega fanta, ki se je sesedel in umrl,

and the young man who collapsed and died,

the journey's end too much for him,

ker je bil cilj zanj predaleč.

Prvo jabolko, ki sem ga kdaj poskusila,

and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig.

so mi dali delavci z naftne ploščadi.

No apple has ever tasted the same.

Nobeno jabolko zatem ni imelo enakega okusa.

Po treh mesecih v begunskem taborišču

After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne.

smo pristale v Melbournu.

Na naslednjem koščku sestavljanke

And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women

so štiri ženske iz treh generacij,

across three generations shaping a new life together.

ki skupaj oblikujejo novo življenje.

Nastanile smo se v Footscrayju,

We settled in Footscray,

delavskem predmestju,

a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants.

katerega prebivalstvo so plasti priseljencev.

Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious of,

V nasprotju s predmestji, kjer živijo srednji sloji,

o katerih se mi niti sanjalo ni,

nismo imeli občutka, da smo do česa upravičeni.

there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray.

Vonji iz trgovin so bili od drugod.

The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world.

Ljudje so izmenjavali

And the snippets of halting English

drobce oklevajoče angleščine,

were exchanged between people who had one thing in common:

ljudje, ki so imeli le eno skupno stvar -

They were starting again.

začenjali so znova.

My mother worked on farms,

Moja mati je delala na kmetijah,

then on a car assembly line,

nato na tekočem traku tovarne avtomobilov,

working six days, double shifts.

delala je 6 dni v dveh izmenah.

Nekako je našla čas za učenje angleščine

Somehow, she found time to study English

and gain IT qualifications.

in si pridobila računalniško znanje.

Bile smo revne.

We were poor.

Poraba denarja je bila točno določena,

All the dollars were allocated

vedno je moral biti denar za učenje

and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for

angleščine in matematike,

regardless of what missed out,

ne glede na to, za kaj ga je zmanjkalo,

which was usually new clothes;

ponavadi za nova oblačila,

ki so bila vedno rabljena.

they were always secondhand.

Dva para nogavic za v šolo,

Two pairs of stockings for school,

each to hide the holes in the other.

ena nogavica je skrivala luknje druge.

Šolska uniforma je bila do gležnjev,

A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years.

ker je morala zdržati 6 let.

Včasih sem slišala skandiranje:

And there were rare but searing chants of "slit-eye"

"Poševnooka!"

in občasno videla grafite:

and the occasional graffiti:

"Asian, go home."

"Azijci, pojdite domov!"

Go home to where?

Kam naj grem domov?

Nekaj je otrpnilo v meni.

Something stiffened inside me.

There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying,

Oblikovala se je odločnost

in tihi glas je dejal: "Ne bom se zmenila za vas."

"I will bypass you."

Mati, sestra in jaz

My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed.

smo spale v isti postelji.

My mother was exhausted each night,

Mati je bila vsako noč izčrpana,

a vseeno smo se pogovarjale

but we told one another about our day

in poslušale premikanje

and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house.

babice po hiši.

Mati je imela nočne more,

My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat.

predvsem o čolnu.

And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came

Moje delo je bilo, da ostanem budna,

so I could wake her.

in jo zbudim, ko se more začnejo.

Odprla je trgovino z računalniki,

She opened a computer store,

nato je šla v kozmetično šolo

then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

in odprla še eno podjetje.

And the women came with their stories

Prišle so ženske z zgodbami

about men who could not make the transition,

o moških, ki niso zmogli prehoda,

jeznih in neprilagodljivih,

angry and inflexible,

and troubled children caught between two worlds.

ter o zbeganih otrocih, ujetih med dvema svetovoma.

Iskali smo štipendije in sponzorje.

Grants and sponsors were sought.

Centers were established.

Ustanovili smo centre.

Živela sem v vzporednih svetovih.

I lived in parallel worlds.

V enem sem bila tipična azijska študentka,

In one, I was the classic Asian student,

relentless in the demands that I made on myself.

neomajna v zahtevah do sebe.

In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious,

V drugem sem bila vpletena v negotova življenja,

tragically scarred by violence, drug abuse and isolation.

tragično ožigosana z nasiljem,

drogami in osamljenostjo.

But so many over the years were helped.

A tekom let smo pomagali veliko ljudem.

Za to delo sem bila v zadnjem letniku študija prava

And for that work, when I was a final-year law student,

I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year.

izbrana za mlado Avstralijko leta.

And I was catapulted from one piece of the jigsaw to another,

To me je katapultiralo

z enega koščka sestavljanke na drugega,

and their edges didn't fit.

njuni robovi pa se niso ujemali.

Tan Le, anonimna prebivalka Footscrayja,

Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,

je postala Tan Le, begunka in socialna aktivistka,

was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist,

invited to speak in venues she had never heard of

ki so jo vabili, da govori na prireditvah, o katerih ni nikoli slišala,

in v domove,

and into homes whose existence she could never have imagined.

ki si jih niti zamisliti ni mogla.

Nisem poznala protokolov.

I didn't know the protocols.

Nisem znala uporabljati pripora.

I didn't know how to use the cutlery.

Nisem se znala pogovarjati o vinu.

I didn't know how to talk about wine.

I didn't know how to talk about anything.

Nisem se znala pogovarjati o ničemer.

I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort

Želela sem se umakniti v rutino in udobje

of life in an unsung suburb --

življenja v neopevanem predmestju -

a grandmother, a mother and two daughters

babica, mati in dve hčerki,

ending each day as they had for almost 20 years,

ki so že dvajset let na enak način zaključile svoj dan,

si pripovedovale, kako je potekal,

telling one another the story of their day

in vse tri še vedno

and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed.

zaspale v isti postelji.

Rekla sem mami, da tega ne zmorem.

I told my mother I couldn't do it.

She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been

Spomnila me je, da sem stara toliko, ko je bila ona,

ko smo se vkrcale na čoln.

when we boarded the boat.

"No" had never been an option.

Beseda "ne" ni bila nikoli na izbiro.

"Pojdi," je rekla,

"Just do it," she said,

"and don't be what you're not."

"in ne bodi to, kar nisi."

So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education

Tako sem govorila o nezaposlenosti mladih in izobraževanju,

and the neglect of the marginalized and disenfranchised.

o zapostavljanju obrobnežev in brezpravnih.

Bolj odkrito sem govorila,

And the more candidly I spoke, the more I was asked to speak.

bolj so me vabili, naj govorim.

Spoznala sem ljudi različnih poklicev,

I met people from all walks of life,

so many of them doing the thing they loved,

veliko jih je delalo to, kar jih veseli,

živeli so na meji možnega.

living on the frontiers of possibility.

And even though I finished my degree,

Čeprav sem diplomirala, sem spoznala,

I realized I could not settle into a career in law.

da pravo ni zame.

There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.

Nekje je moral biti še en košček sestavljanke.

Istočasno sem tudi spoznala,

And I realized, at the same time,

that it is OK to be an outsider,

da je v redu, če ne spadaš v družbo,

če si prišel pred kratkim,

a recent arrival,

new on the scene --

če si nov na sceni.

and not just OK,

Ne le v redu,

but something to be thankful for,

ampak nekaj, za kar si lahko hvaležen,

perhaps a gift from the boat.

morda darilo s čolna.

Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons,

Kajti če spadaš v družbo,

to lahko pomeni, da imaš zoženo obzorje,

lahko pomeni,

can so easily mean accepting the presumptions of your province.

da sprejemaš mnenje svoje okolice.

Tolikokrat sem se znašla v neugodnem položaju,

I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now

to know that, yes, the world does fall apart,

da vem, da se svet sesuje,

ampak ne tako, kot se mi bojimo.

but not in the way that you fear.

Possibilities that would not have been allowed

Možnosti, ki ne bi bile dovoljenje,

so bile pretirano spodbujane.

were outrageously encouraged.

Obstajala je energija,

There was an energy there,

an implacable optimism,

neizprosen optimizem,

a strange mixture of humility and daring.

čudna mešanica ponižnosti in drznosti.

Sledila sem torej svojim občutkom.

So I followed my hunches.

Okoli sebe sem zbrala skupino ljudi,

I gathered around me a small team of people

for whom the label "It can't be done" was an irresistible challenge.

za katere je bila oznaka "To je nemogoče narediti"

izziv, ki se mu niso mogli upreti.

For a year, we were penniless.

Eno leto smo bili brez prebite pare.

At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup

Ob koncu dneva sem skuhala

velik lonec juhe za vse nas.

which we all shared.

Delali smo pozno v noč.

We worked well into each night.

Most of our ideas were crazy,

Večina naših idej je bila norih,

but a few were brilliant,

a nekaj je bilo odličnih

and we broke through.

in uspelo nam je.

I made the decision to move to the US after only one trip.

Odločila sem se, da se preselim v ZDA,

le po enem potovanju.

My hunches again.

Spet moji občutki.

Three months later, I had relocated, and the adventure has continued.

Čez tri mesece sem se preselila

in avantura se je nadaljevala.

Preden zaključim,

Before I close, though, let me tell you about my grandmother.

naj vam povem nekaj o babici.

Odrasla je v času

She grew up at a time when Confucianism was the social norm

ko je bilo konfucijanstvo socialna norma

and the local mandarin was the person who mattered.

in je bil lokalni mandarin zelo pomemben.

Življenje je bilo že stoletja nespremenjeno.

Life hadn't changed for centuries.

Njen oče je umrl kmalu po njenem rojstvu.

Her father died soon after she was born.

Her mother raised her alone.

Mati jo je sama vzgajala.

At 17, she became the second wife of a mandarin whose mother beat her.

Pri sedemnajstih je postala mandarinova druga žena,

njegova mati pa jo je pretepala.

With no support from her husband,

Brez moževe podpore

je zbudila pozornost, ko ga je zvlekla na sodišče

she caused a sensation by taking him to court

and prosecuting her own case,

in se sama zastopala,

and a far greater sensation when she won.

še večjo pozornost pa, ko je dobila pravdo.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplavz)

Izjava "To je nemogoče narediti" je bila dokazano napačna.

"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.

I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney

Tuširala sem se v hotelu v Sydneyju

the moment she died,

v trenutku, ko je umrla

600 miles away, in Melbourne.

v 960 km oddaljenem Melbournu.

Pogledala sem skozi vrata tuša

I looked through the shower screen and saw her standing on the other side.

in jo videla na drugi strani.

I knew she had come to say goodbye.

Vedela sem, da se je prišla poslovit.

Moja mati je telefonirala nekaj minut zatem.

My mother phoned minutes later.

Nekaj dni kasneje

A few days later,

we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray and sat around her casket.

smo šle v budistični tempelj v Footscrayju

in sedele ob njeni krsti.

Pripovedovale smo ji zgodbe

We told her stories and assured her that we were still with her.

in ji zagotovile, da smo še vedno z njo.

At midnight, the monk came and told us he had to close the casket.

Ob polnoči je prišel menih

in nam dejal, da mora zapreti krsto.

My mother asked us to feel her hand.

Mati nama je rekla, naj potipava njeno roko.

She asked the monk,

Vprašala je meniha:

"Why is it that her hand is so warm and the rest of her is so cold?"

"Zakaj je njena roka tako topla,

ostali del telesa pa tako hladen?"

"Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said.

"Ker jo držite v rokah že od jutra," je dejal.

"You have not let it go."

"Niste je spustile."

If there is a sinew in our family, it runs through the women.

Moč se v naši družini

pretaka skozi ženske.

Glede na to, kdo smo bile in kako nas je življenje oblikovalo,

Given who we were and how life had shaped us,

zdaj vidimo,

we can now see that the men that might have come into our lives

da bi nam moški v naših življenjih

would have thwarted us.

prekrižali načrte.

Defeat would have come too easily.

Prehitro bi bile poražene.

Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat.

Zdaj bi rada imela svoje otroke

in razmišljam o čolnu.

Kdo bi ga želel svojim lastnim?

Who could ever wish it on their own?

A vendarle me je strah privilegijev,

Yet I am afraid of privilege,

udobnosti,

of ease,

of entitlement.

pravice do nečesa.

Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave,

Jim lahko dam ladijski kljun,

ki se bo pogumno potapljal v valove,

the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine,

nemoten in enakomeren ropot motorja,

širno obzorje,

the vast horizon that guarantees nothing?

ki nič ne zagotavlja?

Ne vem.

I don't know.

A če bi jim ga lahko dala

But if I could give it

and still see them safely through,

in jih še vedno varno prepeljala,

bi to storila.

I would.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)

Z nami je danes tudi Tanina mati

Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today,

nekje v četrti ali peti vrsti.

in the fourth or fifth row.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)