Tan Le: My immigration story

Translator: Ingrid Rudi Reviewer: Helena Bedalli

How can I speak in 10 minutes

Si mund te flas ne 10 minuta

about the bonds of women over three generations,

mbi relatat e grave nder tre gjenerata,

about how the astonishing strength of those bonds

dhe fuqine mahnitese te ketyre lidhjeve

took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl

qe ka mbajtur gjalle

nje vajze kater vjeçare

huddled with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother

bashke me motren,

mamane e gjyshen e saj

per pese dite e net

for five days and nights in a small boat in the China Sea

ne nje varke te vogel ne detin Kinez

mbi 30 vite me pare,

more than 30 years ago.

Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl

lidhje qe rezistuan fuqishem ne jeten e vajzes se vogel

dhe nuk e lane kurre --

and never let go --

that small girl now living in San Francisco

kjo vajze tani jeton ne San Francisco

dhe sot po flet para jush?

and speaking to you today.

Kjo histori nuk ka perfunduar.

This is not a finished story.

It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together.

Eshte nje mozaik, pjeset e te cilit akoma po kerkojne perputhen me njera tjetren.

Me lejoni t'ju tregoj per disa nga copezat e mozaikut.

Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

Imagjinoni Pjesen e Pare:

Imagine the first piece: a man burning his life's work.

nje burre qe i ve zjarrin punes se nje jete te tere.

He is a poet, a playwright,

Ai eshte poet, dramaturg,

nje njeri, jeta e te cilit

a man whose whole life

had been balanced on the single hope of his country's unity and freedom.

ishte gjithe kohes e bilancuar mbi nje shprese te vetme.

Bashkimi dhe liria e vendit te tij.

Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon --

Imagjinojeni ndersa komunistet hyne ne Saigon,

confronting the fact that his life had been a complete waste.

duke u perballuar me faktin

se jeta e tij kishte qene nje shpenzim i kote.

Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him.

Fjale pa peshe, perderisa tani miqte talleshin me te.

Ai u strehua tek vetmia.

He retreated into silence.

He died broken by history.

Ai vdiq i thyer nga historia.

He is my grandfather.

Ai ishte gjyshi im.

Une nuk kam arritur ta njon ate.

I never knew him in real life.

Por jetet tona jane shume me teper se kujtimet tona.

But our lives are much more than our memories.

My grandmother never let me forget his life.

Gjyshja ime asnjehere nuk me beri te harroja jeten e tij.

My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain,

Detyra ime ishte te mos lejoja qe jeta e tij te shkonte dem.

dhe mesimi im ishte te arrija te mesoja

and my lesson was to learn that, yes, history tried to crush us,

se, vertete, historia u perpoq te na shtypte,

but we endured.

por ne rezistuam.

Pjesa tjeter e mozaikut

The next piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn

ka te beje me nje varke, heret ne agim

slipping silently out to sea.

qe rreshket pa zhurme ne pafundesine e detit.

Mamaja ime, Mai, ishte 18 vjec

My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died --

kur i vdiq babai --

already in an arranged marriage,

ajo kishte perfunduar ne nje martese me nderhyrje,

already with two small girls.

dhe kishte dy vajza te vogla.

For her, life had distilled itself into one task:

Per te, jeta ishte perqendruar vetem ne nje qellim:

te arratisej me familjen e saj

the escape of her family and a new life in Australia.

dhe te fillonte nje jete te re ne Australi.

It was inconceivable to her that she would not succeed.

Ishte e paperfytyrueshme per te

qe te mos arrinte te realizonte kete qellim.

So after a four-year saga that defies fiction,

Keshtu, pas nje epopeje qe sfidonte çdo lloj trillimi, qe zgjati kater vjet,

a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fishing vessel.

nje varke rreshkiti ne det te hapur

e maskuar si nje anije peshkimi.

All the adults knew the risks.

Te rriturit i njihnin rreziqet e mundshme.

The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death.

Kishin shume frike nga piratet,

perdhunimet dhe vdekja.

Si shumica e te rriturve ne varke,

Like most adults on the boat,

dhe mamaja ime kishte me vete nje shishe te vogel me helm.

my mother carried a small bottle of poison.

If we were captured, first my sister and I,

Nese do ta na kapnin, do ta pinim helmin,

fillimisht motra dhe une, pastaj mamaja dhe gjyshja.

then she and my grandmother would drink.

My first memories are from the boat --

Kujtimet e mija te para i perkasin varkes --

zhurma e rregullt e motorrit

the steady beat of the engine,

lekundja ne çdo vale qe kalonim,

the bow dipping into each wave,

horizonti i hapur dhe i zbrazet.

the vast and empty horizon.

Une nuk i mbaj mend piratet qe erdhen shume here,

I don't remember the pirates who came many times,

but were bluffed by the bravado of the men on our boat,

por qe mashtroheshin nga

burrat ne varke,

or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours.

as nuk mbaj mend motorrin qe prishej

dhe nuk rregullohej per rreth gjashte ore.

But I do remember the lights on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast

Por mbaj mend shume mire dritat e nje platforme nafte

ne bregdetin Malaizian

dhe nje djale te ri qe ra poshte e vdiq,

and the young man who collapsed and died,

the journey's end too much for him,

sepse fundi i udhetimit ishte shume i veshtire per te,

dhe mollen e pare qe shijova,

and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig.

mollen qe me dhane burrat ne platformen e naftes.

No apple has ever tasted the same.

Asnje molle nuk kishte patur te njejten shije.

Pas tre muajsh ne kampin e refugjateve,

After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne.

perfunduam ne Melburn.

Pjesa tjeter e mozaikut

And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women

flet per kater gra te tre gjeneratave te ndryshme

across three generations shaping a new life together.

qe i japin forme nje jete te re se bashku.

Fillimisht u vendosem ne Footscray,

We settled in Footscray,

nje lagje punetoresh ne periferi

a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants.

ku pjesa me e madhe e banoreve ishin emigrante.

Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious of,

ne ndryshim nga zonat periferike te klases se mesme

ekzistencen e te cilave une pothuaj e harroja,

ne Footscray nuk kishte asnje lloj ideje ne lidhje me te drejtat.

there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray.

Aromat qe vinin nga dyert e dyqaneve ishin nga pjesa tjeter e botes.

The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world.

Dhe copezat e Anglishtes se çale

And the snippets of halting English

shkembeheshin nga njerez

were exchanged between people who had one thing in common:

qe kishin nje gje te perbashket,

They were starting again.

po nisnin cdo gje nga e para.

My mother worked on farms,

Mamaja ime punoi ne bujqesi,

then on a car assembly line,

me pas ne nje fabrike qe montonte pjese makinash,

working six days, double shifts.

punonte gjashte dite ne jave me dy turne.

Dhe nuk e di se si arrinte te gjente kohe te mesonte Anglisht

Somehow, she found time to study English

and gain IT qualifications.

dhe te merrte ca kualifikime ne informatike.

Ne ishim te varfra.

We were poor.

Shpenzimi qofte dhe i nje dollari ishte i rendesishem

All the dollars were allocated

dhe shpenzimet per kurse shtese ne Anglisht dhe Matematike

and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for

ishin te padiskutueshme

regardless of what missed out,

dhe per to na duhet te hiqnim dore nga ndonje shpenzim tjerer

which was usually new clothes;

qe zakonisht ishin rrobat e reja;

ndaj blinim gjithnje rroba te perdorura.

they were always secondhand.

Dy pale çorape per shkolle,

Two pairs of stockings for school,

each to hide the holes in the other.

qe nje pale te mbulonte vrimat e tjetres.

Uniformen e shkolles qe arrinte deri poshte kembeve,

A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years.

sepse duhet te rezistonte per te pakten gjashte vjet.

Dhe ndonjehere hasnim kenge perzhitese

And there were rare but searing chants of "slit-eye"

te "syve me bisht" te aziatikeve

dhe ndonjehere lexonim shkrimet mbi mure:

and the occasional graffiti:

"Asian, go home."

"Aziatike, kthehuni ne shtepite tuaja."

Go home to where?

Ne cilen shtepi te ktheheshim?

Dhe diçka ngurtesohej brenda meje.

Something stiffened inside me.

There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying,

Vendosmeria rritej

dhe nje ze i qete brenda meje thoshte: "Une do t'ju parakaloj nje dite."

"I will bypass you."

Mamaja, motra dhe une

My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed.

flinim ne te njejtin krevat.

My mother was exhausted each night,

Nena ime ishte e stermunduar cdo nate,

por prape se prape ne i tregonim njera tjetres se si kishte kaluar dita

but we told one another about our day

dhe degjonim levizjet e gjyshes

and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house.

neper shtepi.

Mamaja vuante nga enderrat e keqija

My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat.

nga kujtesa e varkes.

And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came

Dhe detyra ime ishte te rrija zgjuar derisa ti vinin endrrat e keqija

so I could wake her.

qe te mund ta zgjoja.

Ajo hapi nje dyqan kompjuterash

She opened a computer store,

pastaj studioi qe te punonte ne sallone bukurie

then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

dhe hapi nje biznes te ri.

And the women came with their stories

Dhe grate vinin ne sallon me historite e tyre

about men who could not make the transition,

mbi burrat qe nuk mund ti rezistonin tranzicionit,

dhe nevrikoseshin e ngurteshin

angry and inflexible,

and troubled children caught between two worlds.

dhe mbi femijet e trazuar qe gjindeshin midis dy boteve.

Kerkuam bursa dhe sponsor.

Grants and sponsors were sought.

Centers were established.

Hapem qendra.

Jetova ne bote paralele.

I lived in parallel worlds.

Ne njeren, isha nje studente aziatike klasike,

In one, I was the classic Asian student,

relentless in the demands that I made on myself.

e pameshirshme ne kerkesat qe kisha ndaj vetes.

In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious,

Ne tjetren, isha nderthurur ne jete te pasigurta,

tragically scarred by violence, drug abuse and isolation.

te trembura tragjikisht nga violenca,

nga abuzimi i droges dhe nga izolimi.

But so many over the years were helped.

Por shume njerez u ndihmuan nder vite.

Dhe pikerisht per shkak te kesaj pune, kur isha studente juridiku e vitit te fundit,

And for that work, when I was a final-year law student,

I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year.

me zgjodhen si Vajza e Re Australiane e Vitit.

And I was catapulted from one piece of the jigsaw to another,

Dhe u katapultova

nga nje pjese e mozaikut ne nje tjeter,

and their edges didn't fit.

dhe pse copezat nuk perputheshin me njera-tjetren.

Tan Le, banore anonime e Footscray,

Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,

tashme ishte bere Tan Le, refugjate dhe aktiviste sociale,

was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist,

invited to speak in venues she had never heard of

dhe e ftonin te fliste neper vende per te cilat nuk kishte degjuar kurre

dhe ne shtepi per te cilat nuk kishte menduar kurre

and into homes whose existence she could never have imagined.

se mund te ekzistonin.

Une nuk i njihja protokollet.

I didn't know the protocols.

Une nuk dija si te perdorja thike e pirun.

I didn't know how to use the cutlery.

Une nuk dija se si te flisja per vererat.

I didn't know how to talk about wine.

I didn't know how to talk about anything.

Une nuk dija te flisja per asgje.

I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort

Doja te strukesha tek rutina dhe rehatija

of life in an unsung suburb --

e jetes ne nje periferi te panjohur--

a grandmother, a mother and two daughters

nje gjyshe, nje mama dhe dy vajza

ending each day as they had for almost 20 years,

qe mbyllnin diten e tyre siç kishin bere per pothuaj 20 vite me rradhe,

duke u treguar njera-tjetres historite e dites se tyre

telling one another the story of their day

dhe dalengadale i zinte gjumi,

and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed.

te treja ne te njejtin krevat.

I thashe mamase qe nuk isha ne gjendje te vazhdoja.

I told my mother I couldn't do it.

She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been

Ajo me kujtoi se tani une isha ne te njejten moshe qe ishte ajo

kur ne u nisem me varke.

when we boarded the boat.

"No" had never been an option.

Te thenit "Jo" asnjehere nuk e kemi marre ne konsiderate.

"Thjesht beje" me tha ajo,

"Just do it," she said,

"and don't be what you're not."

"dhe mos u sill ndryshe nga ç'je ne te vertete"

So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education

Keshtu fillova te flas mbi papunesine e te rinjve dhe arsimimin

and the neglect of the marginalized and disenfranchised.

mbi neglizhencen ndaj te leneve menjane dhe qytetareve qe nuk kishin te drejta

Dhe sa me shume flisja me sinqeritet,

And the more candidly I spoke, the more I was asked to speak.

aq me shume kerkonin qe une te flisja.

Takova njerez me lloj lloj historish jete,

I met people from all walks of life,

so many of them doing the thing they loved,

shume prej tyre benin gjera te cilat i pelqenin,

duke jetuar ne kufinjte e mundesive.

living on the frontiers of possibility.

And even though I finished my degree,

Dhe kur u diplomova,

I realized I could not settle into a career in law.

kuptova se nuk mund te pozicionohesha thjesht ne nje karriere si juriste.

There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.

Patjeter qe duhet te ekzistonte dhe nje pjese tjeter e mozaikut.

Dhe pikerisht ne ate moment kuptova

And I realized, at the same time,

that it is OK to be an outsider,

se nuk eshte keq te jesh "nje i huaj",

nje i sapoardhur,

a recent arrival,

new on the scene --

qe sapo ka filluar te dale ne skene --

and not just OK,

biles jo vetem qe nuk eshte keq,

but something to be thankful for,

por eshte diçka per te cilen duhet te falenderojme,

perhaps a gift from the boat.

mbase nje dhurate nga varka.

Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons,

Sepse te jesh nje i brendshem, pra brenda sistemit,

ndonjehere do te thote dhe te kesh horizonte me te ngushta,

dhe te tjeret te pranojme me me shume kollajllik

can so easily mean accepting the presumptions of your province.

nga fakti se vjen nga e njejta province.

Tashme u bene shume vite qe kam dale nga zona ime "e rehatise"

I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now

to know that, yes, the world does fall apart,

dhe kam mesuar se, bota po merr tatepjeten,

por jo ashtu siç e imagjinoni ju.

but not in the way that you fear.

Possibilities that would not have been allowed

Oportunitete qe me pare as qe mund te imagjinoheshin

tani jane inkurajuar pamase.

were outrageously encouraged.

Ndjeja shume energji perreth,

There was an energy there,

an implacable optimism,

nje optimizem te pashpjegueshem,

a strange mixture of humility and daring.

nje perzjerje e cuditshme perulesie dhe guximi.

Keshtu pra une ndoqa instinktin tim.

So I followed my hunches.

Grumbullova rreth meje nje grup te vogel njerezish

I gathered around me a small team of people

for whom the label "It can't be done" was an irresistible challenge.

per te cilet etiketa "Eshte e mundur"

perfaqesonte nje sfide te parrezistueshme.

For a year, we were penniless.

Per nje vit ishim pothuaj pa para.

At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup

Ne fund te çdo dite, une gatuaja nje tenxhere te madhe me supe

qe ndanim me njeri tjetrin.

which we all shared.

Punonim nate e dite.

We worked well into each night.

Most of our ideas were crazy,

Shume nga idete tona ishin te çmendura,

but a few were brilliant,

por disa prej tyre ishin brilante,

and we broke through.

dhe arritem t'ja dalim mbane.

I made the decision to move to the US after only one trip.

Une vendosa te trasferohem ne Amerike

pasi bera nje udhetim aty.

My hunches again.

Perseri instinkti im.

Three months later, I had relocated, and the adventure has continued.

Tre muaj pasi isha transferuar,

aventura vazhdonte.

Po para se ta mbyll kete fjalim,

Before I close, though, let me tell you about my grandmother.

dua t'ju flas pak per gjyshen time.

Ajo u rrit ne nje periudhe kohore

She grew up at a time when Confucianism was the social norm

kur Konfucianizmi ishte norma sociale

and the local mandarin was the person who mattered.

dhe nje person Mandarin vendas kishte akoma rendesi.

Jeta nuk kishte ndryshuar per shekuj te tere.

Life hadn't changed for centuries.

Babai i vdiq menjehere pasi ajo lindi.

Her father died soon after she was born.

Her mother raised her alone.

Mamaja e rriti e vetme e pa ndihme.

At 17, she became the second wife of a mandarin whose mother beat her.

Kur mbushi 17 vjec u be gruaja e dyte

e nje Mandarini (personi te keq) mamaja e te cilit e rrihte.

With no support from her husband,

Pa patur asnje ndihme nga i shoqi,

ajo beri buje sepse e paditi burrin

she caused a sensation by taking him to court

and prosecuting her own case,

dhe mbrojti veten ne gjyq,

and a far greater sensation when she won.

dhe beri akoma me shume buje fakti se ajo fitoi gjyqin.

(Laughter)

(qeshje)

(Applause)

(duartrokitje)

Vertetoi se ne kete rast fjala "Nuk mund te behet" ishte e gabuar.

"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.

I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney

Une isha duke bere dush ne nje hotel ne Sidnei

the moment she died,

ne momentin qe ajo vdiq

600 miles away, in Melbourne.

950 km larg nga Melburni.

Dhe ne xhamin e dushit e pashe gjyshen

I looked through the shower screen and saw her standing on the other side.

tek rrinte perballe meje.

I knew she had come to say goodbye.

E dija se kishte ardhur per te me thene Lamtumire.

Mamaja me telefonoi pak minuta me vone.

My mother phoned minutes later.

Disa dite me pas,

A few days later,

we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray and sat around her casket.

shkuam ne nje tempull Budist ne Footscray

dhe ndenjem ulur perreth arkivolit te saj.

I treguam histori

We told her stories and assured her that we were still with her.

dhe i thame se nuk do ta harronim kurre e do te ishim gjithnje me te.

At midnight, the monk came and told us he had to close the casket.

Kur arriti mesnata nje murg na u afrua

dhe na tha se duhej te mbyllte arkivolin.

My mother asked us to feel her hand.

Atehere mamaja na kerkoi ti preknim doren.

She asked the monk,

Dhe pyeti murgun,

"Why is it that her hand is so warm and the rest of her is so cold?"

"Si ka mundesi qe dora e saj eshte kaq e ngrohte

dhe gjithe pjesa tjeter e trupit eshte kaq e ftohte?"

"Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said.

"Sepse ju e keni shtrenguar fort doren e saj qe nga mengjesi i sotem," i thote ai.

"You have not let it go."

"Nuk e keni lene per asnje moment."

If there is a sinew in our family, it runs through the women.

Nese ka nje tradite ne familjen tone,

ajo trashegohet nepermjet grave.

Duke patur parasysh se cilat ishim dhe se si na ka ndryshuar jeta,

Given who we were and how life had shaped us,

tani ne arrijme te kuptojme

we can now see that the men that might have come into our lives

se burrat qe mund te ndikonin ne jetet tona

would have thwarted us.

mund te na kishin penguar e ndikuar per keq.

Defeat would have come too easily.

Mposhtja mbase do te kishte trokitur me kollaj.

Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat.

Tani, une deshiroj te kem femije,

dhe shpesh mendoj per varken.

A ka mundesi qe nje gje e tille ti urohet vetes?

Who could ever wish it on their own?

Mbase po, pikerisht se mua privilegji me frikeson,

Yet I am afraid of privilege,

ashtu si dhe kollajlliku,

of ease,

of entitlement.

ose te drejtat e teperta.

Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave,

A do te mundja valle t'jua jepja jeten e tyre nje cope druri,

qe lufton papushim me dallget,

the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine,

me zhurme te vazhdueshme motori,

qe shkon drejt horizonteve pafund

the vast horizon that guarantees nothing?

dhe qe nuk i garanton asgje?

Nuk e di.

I don't know.

Por nese do te kisha sigurine

But if I could give it

and still see them safely through,

qe ata do te arrijne t'ja dalin mbare,

do ta beja nje gje te tille.

I would.

(Applause)

(duartrokitje)

Trevor Neilson: Mamaja e Tan-it eshte sot ketu me ne

Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today,

ulur ne rreshtin e katert apo te peste.

in the fourth or fifth row.

(Applause)

(duartrokitje)