Tan Le: My immigration story

Prevoditelj: Senzos Osijek Recezent: Jelena Horvat

How can I speak in 10 minutes

Kako u 10 minuta mogu govoriti

about the bonds of women over three generations,

o vezama žena triju generacija,

about how the astonishing strength of those bonds

o tome kakvu su začuđujuću snagu te njihove veze

took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl

imale u životu

četverogodišnje djevojčice

huddled with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother

zarobljene sa svojom mlađom sestrom,

majkom i bakom

pet dana i noći

for five days and nights in a small boat in the China Sea

u malom brodu u Kineskom moru

prije više od 30 godina,

more than 30 years ago.

Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl

veze koje su zauzele određeno mjesto u životu te male djevojčice

i nikada je nisu pustile --

and never let go --

that small girl now living in San Francisco

ta malena djevojčica sada živi u San Franciscu

i danas vam govori.

and speaking to you today.

Ovo nije završena priča.

This is not a finished story.

It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together.

To je slagalica koja se još slaže.

Dopustite da vam kažem nešto o pojedinim dijelovima.

Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

Zamislite prvi dio:

Imagine the first piece: a man burning his life's work.

čovjek koji pali svoje životno djelo.

He is a poet, a playwright,

On je pjesnik, dramski pisac,

čovjek čiji je cijeli život

a man whose whole life

had been balanced on the single hope of his country's unity and freedom.

bio utemeljen na jedinstvenoj nadi

za ujedinjenjem i slobodom njegove zemlje.

Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon --

Zamislite ga dok komunisti ulaze u Saigon,

confronting the fact that his life had been a complete waste.

dok se suočava sa činjenicom

da je njegov život bio potpuno traćenje vremena.

Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him.

Riječi, tako dugo njegove prijateljice, sada su mu se rugale.

Povukao se u tišinu.

He retreated into silence.

He died broken by history.

Umro je slomljen poviješću.

He is my grandfather.

On je moj djed.

Nikada ga nisam upoznala,

I never knew him in real life.

no naši su životi mnogo više od naših sjećanja.

But our lives are much more than our memories.

My grandmother never let me forget his life.

Moja baka nikada nije dopustila da zaboravim njegov život.

My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain,

Moja je dužnost bila ne dopustiti da bude uzaludno

i moja je lekcija bila naučiti

and my lesson was to learn that, yes, history tried to crush us,

da nas je povijest pokušala slomiti,

but we endured.

ali mi smo izdržali.

Sljedeći je dio slagalice

The next piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn

brodić koji u ranu zoru

slipping silently out to sea.

tiho klizi u more.

Moja majka Mai imala je 18 godina

My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died --

kad joj je umro otac –

already in an arranged marriage,

već u dogovorenom braku

already with two small girls.

s dvije male djevojčice.

For her, life had distilled itself into one task:

Njen život sveo se na jedan zadatak:

bijeg njene obitelji

the escape of her family and a new life in Australia.

i nov život u Australiji.

It was inconceivable to her that she would not succeed.

Bilo joj je nezamislivo

da ne uspije.

So after a four-year saga that defies fiction,

Nakon četverogodišnje sage koja premašuje fikciju,

a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fishing vessel.

brodić je skliznuo u more

prerušen u ribarski brod.

All the adults knew the risks.

Svi su odrasli bili svjesni rizika.

The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death.

Najveći strah bio je od gusara,

silovanja i smrti.

Kao i većina odraslih na brodiću,

Like most adults on the boat,

moja je majka nosila malu bočicu otrova.

my mother carried a small bottle of poison.

If we were captured, first my sister and I,

Da su nas zarobili, prvo bi popile sestra i ja,

a onda ona i moja baka.

then she and my grandmother would drink.

My first memories are from the boat --

Moja su prva sjećanja s brodića –

postojan ritam motora,

the steady beat of the engine,

pramac koji ulazi u svaki val,

the bow dipping into each wave,

prostran i prazan horizont.

the vast and empty horizon.

Ne sjećam se gusara koji su došli mnogo puta,

I don't remember the pirates who came many times,

but were bluffed by the bravado of the men on our boat,

ali su zavarani iznimnom hrabrošću

muškaraca s našeg broda,

or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours.

niti se sjećam kako nam je motor otkazao

i nije se pokrenuo šest sati.

But I do remember the lights on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast

Ali sjećam se svjetla na platformi za podmorsko bušenje

na Malezijskoj obali

i mladića koji se srušio i umro,

and the young man who collapsed and died,

the journey's end too much for him,

kraj putovanja bio je previše za njega.

I sjećam se prve jabuke koju sam okusila,

and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig.

a dao mi ju je muškarac s platforme.

No apple has ever tasted the same.

Nijedna jabuka poslije nije imala isti okus.

Nakon tri mjeseca u izbjegličkom kampu,

After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne.

stigli smo u Melbourne.

A sljedeći je dio slagalice

And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women

o četiri žene unutar triju generacija

across three generations shaping a new life together.

koje zajedno oblikuju nov život.

Nastanile smo se u Footscrayu,

We settled in Footscray,

radničkom predgrađu

a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants.

koje vrvi slojevima doseljenika.

Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious of,

Za razliku od predgrađa nastanjenog srednjim slojem,

čijeg postojanja nisam bila svjesna,

u Footscrayu nije bilo osjećaja za pravdu.

there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray.

Mirisi s vrata dućana dolazili su iz ostatka svijeta.

The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world.

Ljudi su se sporazumijevali slabim

And the snippets of halting English

engleskim jezikom i

were exchanged between people who had one thing in common:

jedno im je bilo zajedničko:

They were starting again.

kretali su ispočetka.

My mother worked on farms,

Moja je majka radila na farmama,

then on a car assembly line,

zatim na pokretnoj traci s automobilima,

working six days, double shifts.

radeći šest dana duple smjene.

Nekako je pronašla vremena za učenje engleskog jezika

Somehow, she found time to study English

and gain IT qualifications.

i stjecanje informatičkog obrazovanja.

Bili smo siromašni.

We were poor.

Svi su dolari bili raspodijeljeni

All the dollars were allocated

i dodatna školarina za engleski i matematiku

and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for

bila je izdvajana

regardless of what missed out,

usprkos tome što nam je svašta nedostajalo,

which was usually new clothes;

poput nove odjeće;

uvijek je bila već nošena.

they were always secondhand.

Dva para čarapa za školu,

Two pairs of stockings for school,

each to hide the holes in the other.

svaki kako bi sakrio rupe na drugoj.

Školska uniforma do gležnjeva

A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years.

zato što je morala trajati šest godina.

I postojali su rijetki, ali ružni napjevi

And there were rare but searing chants of "slit-eye"

o „kosookima“

i povremeni grafiti:

and the occasional graffiti:

"Asian, go home."

„Azijci, idite kući.“

Go home to where?

Kojoj kući?

Unutar mene nešto se ukočilo.

Something stiffened inside me.

There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying,

Oblikovala se odlučnost

i tihi glas koji je govorio: „Zaobići ću vas.“

"I will bypass you."

Moja majka, moja sestra i ja

My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed.

spavale smo u istom krevetu.

My mother was exhausted each night,

Majka je svake večeri bila iscrpljena,

ali smo uvijek jedna drugoj govorile kako nam je prošao dan

but we told one another about our day

i slušale kako baka

and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house.

hoda po kući.

Moja je majka imala noćne more

My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat.

koje su bile vezane uz brodić,

And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came

a moj je posao bio da ostanem budna kada joj dođu te noćne more

so I could wake her.

kako bih je mogla probuditi.

Otvorila je dućan s računalima,

She opened a computer store,

a nakon toga školovala se kako bi bila kozmetičarka

then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

i otvorila još jedan posao.

And the women came with their stories

Žene su dolazile sa svojim pričama

about men who could not make the transition,

o muškarcima koji nisu mogli prijeći ovamo,

bile su ljute i nepopustljive

angry and inflexible,

and troubled children caught between two worlds.

i imale problematičnu djecu koja su bila zarobljena između dva svijeta.

Tražile su se stipendije i sponzori.

Grants and sponsors were sought.

Centers were established.

Osnovani su centri.

Živjela sam u paralelnim svjetovima.

I lived in parallel worlds.

U jednom, bila sam tipičan azijski student,

In one, I was the classic Asian student,

relentless in the demands that I made on myself.

nemilosrdna prema zahtjevima koje sam si postavila.

In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious,

U drugom sam bila upletena u živote koji su bili neizvjesni,

tragically scarred by violence, drug abuse and isolation.

tragično obilježeni nasiljem,

drogom i izolacijom.

But so many over the years were helped.

A tijekom godina mnogima smo pomagali.

I za taj sam posao na zadnjoj godini pravnog studija bila

And for that work, when I was a final-year law student,

I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year.

izabrana za mladu Australku godine.

And I was catapulted from one piece of the jigsaw to another,

I bila sam katapultirana

s jednog dijela slagalice na drugi,

and their edges didn't fit.

a njihovi se rubovi nisu slagali.

Anonimna Tan Le iz Footscraya

Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,

sada je bila Tan Le, izbjeglica i socijalna aktivistica

was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist,

invited to speak in venues she had never heard of

koja je bila pozvana da govori na mjestima za koje nikada nije čula

i u domove

and into homes whose existence she could never have imagined.

koje nije mogla ni zamisliti.

Nisam poznavala protokol.

I didn't know the protocols.

Nisam znala kako koristiti pribor za jelo.

I didn't know how to use the cutlery.

Nisam znala kako govoriti o vinu.

I didn't know how to talk about wine.

I didn't know how to talk about anything.

Nisam znala kako govoriti ni o čemu.

I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort

Željela sam odstupiti od rutine i udobnosti

of life in an unsung suburb --

života u neopjevanom predgrađu –

a grandmother, a mother and two daughters

baka, majka i dvije kćeri

ending each day as they had for almost 20 years,

završavaju svoj dan jednako kao što to rade već 20 godina,

pričajući jedna drugoj kako je prošao dan,

telling one another the story of their day

i sve tri još uvijek

and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed.

spavaju u istom krevetu.

Rekla sam majci da ja to ne mogu.

I told my mother I couldn't do it.

She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been

Podsjetila me je da mi je isto godina kao njoj

kad smo se ukrcale na brod.

when we boarded the boat.

"No" had never been an option.

Riječ "ne" nikad nije bila opcija.

„Učini to“, rekla je,

"Just do it," she said,

"and don't be what you're not."

„i nemoj biti nešto što nisi.“

So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education

Govorila sam o nezaposlenosti mladih i obrazovanju

and the neglect of the marginalized and disenfranchised.

i zanemarivanju marginaliziranih i obespravljenih.

I što sam iskrenije govorila,

And the more candidly I spoke, the more I was asked to speak.

tražili su da govorim još više.

Upoznala sam ljude različitih životnih puteva,

I met people from all walks of life,

so many of them doing the thing they loved,

i mnogi od njih radili su ono što vole,

živeći na granicama mogućnosti.

living on the frontiers of possibility.

And even though I finished my degree,

Iako sam bila diplomirala, shvatila sam

I realized I could not settle into a career in law.

da mi pravnička karijera nije dovoljna.

There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.

Tu je morao biti još jedan dio slagalice.

I u isto sam vrijeme shvatila

And I realized, at the same time,

that it is OK to be an outsider,

da je u redu da budeš autsajder,

novopridošlica,

a recent arrival,

new on the scene --

novi na sceni –

and not just OK,

i ne samo da je u redu,

but something to be thankful for,

već za to treba biti zahvalan,

perhaps a gift from the boat.

možda je to dar s brodića.

Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons,

Zato što biti insider

lako može značiti sužavanje horizonta

i lako može značiti

can so easily mean accepting the presumptions of your province.

prihvaćanje predrasuda vlastitog zavičaja.

Sada sam već dovoljno zakoračila van svoje sigurne okoline

I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now

to know that, yes, the world does fall apart,

da znam da se svijet raspada,

ali ne na način kojeg se bojite.

but not in the way that you fear.

Possibilities that would not have been allowed

Mogućnosti koje ne bi bile dozvoljene,

drsko su poticane.

were outrageously encouraged.

Tu je bila energija,

There was an energy there,

an implacable optimism,

neumoljivi optimizam,

a strange mixture of humility and daring.

čudna mješavina poniznosti i odvažnosti.

Pa sam slijedila svoju intuiciju i

So I followed my hunches.

okupila oko sebe malu ekipu ljudi

I gathered around me a small team of people

for whom the label "It can't be done" was an irresistible challenge.

za koju je termin „To se ne može učiniti“

bio neodoljiv izazov.

For a year, we were penniless.

Godinu smo dana bili bez novaca.

At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup

Na kraju svakog dana kuhala sam ogroman lonac juhe

koji smo svi podijelili.

which we all shared.

Radili smo do kasno u noć.

We worked well into each night.

Most of our ideas were crazy,

Većina je naših ideja bila luda,

but a few were brilliant,

ali nekoliko ih je bilo sjajnih

and we broke through.

i uspjeli smo se probiti.

I made the decision to move to the US after only one trip.

Odlučila sam se preseliti u SAD

nakon samo jednog putovanja.

My hunches again.

Opet moj predosjećaj.

Three months later, I had relocated, and the adventure has continued.

Tri mjeseca kasnije preselila sam se

i avantura se nastavila.

Prije no što završim,

Before I close, though, let me tell you about my grandmother.

da vam kažem nešto o svojoj baki.

Odrasla je u vrijeme

She grew up at a time when Confucianism was the social norm

kada je konfucijanizam bio društvena norma

and the local mandarin was the person who mattered.

i lokalni mandarini su bili osobe koje su nešto značile.

Život se nije mijenjao stoljećima.

Life hadn't changed for centuries.

Otac joj je umro ubrzo nakon njezina rođenja.

Her father died soon after she was born.

Her mother raised her alone.

Majka ju je sama podizala.

At 17, she became the second wife of a mandarin whose mother beat her.

Sa 17 je postala druga žena

mandarina čija ju je majka tukla.

With no support from her husband,

Bez potpore svog muža,

bila je senzacija kada ga je dovela na sud

she caused a sensation by taking him to court

and prosecuting her own case,

i sama vodila slučaj

and a far greater sensation when she won.

i još je veća senzacija bila kada je pobijedila.

(Laughter)

(smijeh)

(Applause)

(pljesak)

„To se ne može učiniti“ pokazalo se netočnim.

"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.

I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney

Tuširala sam se u hotelskoj sobi u Sydneyu

the moment she died,

u trenutku kad je ona umrla

600 miles away, in Melbourne.

950 km dalje u Melbourneu.

Pogledala sam kroz zastor tuša

I looked through the shower screen and saw her standing on the other side.

i vidjela je kako stoji s druge strane.

I knew she had come to say goodbye.

Znala sam da se došla oprostiti.

Moja me majka nazvala nekoliko minuta kasnije.

My mother phoned minutes later.

Nekoliko dana poslije

A few days later,

we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray and sat around her casket.

otišle smo u budistički hram u Footscrayu

i sjele pored njenog lijesa.

Pričale smo joj priče

We told her stories and assured her that we were still with her.

i uvjerile ju da smo još uvijek s njom.

At midnight, the monk came and told us he had to close the casket.

U ponoć je došao monah

i rekao nam da moramo zatvoriti lijes.

My mother asked us to feel her hand.

Majka nas je zamolila da joj opipamo ruku.

She asked the monk,

Upitala je monaha:

"Why is it that her hand is so warm and the rest of her is so cold?"

„Kako to da joj je ruka tako topla,

a sve ostalo hladno?“

"Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said.

„Zato što ste je držali od jutra“, rekao je,

"You have not let it go."

„niste je pustili.“

If there is a sinew in our family, it runs through the women.

Ako postoji snaga u našoj obitelji,

ona ide kroz žene.

S obzirom na to kakve smo bile i kako nas je život oblikovao,

Given who we were and how life had shaped us,

sada vidimo

we can now see that the men that might have come into our lives

da bi nas muškarci koji su možda mogli ući u naše živote,

would have thwarted us.

omeli na našem putu.

Defeat would have come too easily.

Olako bismo prihvatile poraz.

Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat.

Sada bih voljela imati svoju djecu,

i razmišljam o onom brodu.

Tko bi si to ikada poželio?

Who could ever wish it on their own?

Ipak se bojim privilegije,

Yet I am afraid of privilege,

spokoja

of ease,

of entitlement.

i povlastica.

Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave,

Mogu li im dati pramac

broda koji hrabro uranja u svaki val,

the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine,

neometan i stabilan zvuk motora,

širok horizont

the vast horizon that guarantees nothing?

koji ništa ne garantira?

Ne znam.

I don't know.

Ali ako bih im to mogla dati

But if I could give it

and still see them safely through,

i da znam da će sigurno prebroditi,

učinila bih to.

I would.

(Applause)

(pljesak)

Trevor Neilson: S nama je danas i Tanina majka

Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today,

u četvrtom ili petom redu.

in the fourth or fifth row.

(Applause)

(pljesak)