Tan Le: My immigration story

翻译人员: dong liu 校对人员: Yipeng Xie

How can I speak in 10 minutes

10分钟何尝够我来讲述，

about the bonds of women over three generations,

关于三代妇女间的纽带，

about how the astonishing strength of those bonds

关于这条纽带的惊人的力量

took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl

把

4岁小姑娘和

huddled with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother

她的妹妹

母亲、祖母绑在一起，

5天5夜

for five days and nights in a small boat in the China Sea

挤在一条小船飘在中国海

已经过去了30多年，

more than 30 years ago.

Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl

一直留在小女孩的脑海中

不曾磨灭--

and never let go --

that small girl now living in San Francisco

那个小女孩现在居住在旧金山

今天正在为你们讲述

and speaking to you today.

一个不断延续的故事

This is not a finished story.

It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together.

就像一幅正在被拼接的拼图一样

请允许我讲述其中的片段

Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

回想起来的第一个画面是

Imagine the first piece: a man burning his life's work.

一个男人拼尽全力地工作。

He is a poet, a playwright,

他是一个诗人兼剧作家

一生

a man whose whole life

had been balanced on the single hope of his country's unity and freedom.

都致力于

国家的统一和自由。

Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon --

想象着他作为一名共产主义者进入胡志明市

confronting the fact that his life had been a complete waste.

面对着

完全被抛弃的一生

Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him.

面对朋友们的嘲笑

他沉默以对

He retreated into silence.

He died broken by history.

作为历史，他已经死去

He is my grandfather.

他就是我的祖父

我从来不了解他的真实生活。

I never knew him in real life.

但是我们的生活比记忆更加丰富。

But our lives are much more than our memories.

My grandmother never let me forget his life.

祖父让我永记他的一生。

My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain,

而我的职责就是不让他的经历成为徒劳

我的责任是从中学习

and my lesson was to learn that, yes, history tried to crush us,

是的，历史试图打垮我们

but we endured.

而我们一直忍受着。

下一块拼图是

The next piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn

黎明的早上一叶扁舟

slipping silently out to sea.

悄悄滑向大海

我母亲，Mai，18岁

My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died --

丧父

already in an arranged marriage,

经历了一系列婚姻，

already with two small girls.

有了两个小女儿。

For her, life had distilled itself into one task:

对于她，生活唯一目的就是

逃离家庭

the escape of her family and a new life in Australia.

在澳大利亚开始新生活。

It was inconceivable to her that she would not succeed.

这对她来说，

简直就是天方夜谭。

So after a four-year saga that defies fiction,

因此，4年的蔑视小说的长篇故事

a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fishing vessel.

一条小船滑向大海，

远离渔船。

All the adults knew the risks.

大人们知道其中的危险。

The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death.

最大的威胁是海盗，

强奸和死亡。

和所有成年人一样，

Like most adults on the boat,

我母亲带了一小瓶毒药。

my mother carried a small bottle of poison.

If we were captured, first my sister and I,

如果我们被抓获，我妹妹、我、

母亲和祖母依次服毒自尽。

then she and my grandmother would drink.

My first memories are from the boat --

我的第一个记忆来自于小船--

发动机均匀的节奏

the steady beat of the engine,

浅浅的波浪

the bow dipping into each wave,

一望无尽的海平面

the vast and empty horizon.

我不记得海盗来了几次，

I don't remember the pirates who came many times,

but were bluffed by the bravado of the men on our boat,

却被船上男人们的虚张声势

吓跑了，

or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours.

引擎熄火，

6个小时无法启动。

But I do remember the lights on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast

但是我记得边石油钻井反射的光；

来自马来西亚海岸

年轻小伙虚脱而死，

and the young man who collapsed and died,

the journey's end too much for him,

旅途早早结束；

我尝到的第一个苹果，

and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig.

来自同船的一个男人。

No apple has ever tasted the same.

再也没有吃到那么美味的苹果。

在难民集中营的三个月后，

After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne.

我们定居在墨尔本。

下一片拼图是

And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women

关于三代妇女

across three generations shaping a new life together.

共同创造的新生活。

定居于Footscray，

We settled in Footscray,

一个的工薪阶层市郊,

a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants.

以移民为主.

Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious of,

不像定居其他中级阶层市郊，

我忘记了我的存在，

更别说权利了。

there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray.

商店透出的味道仿佛来自另一个世界。

The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world.

说着同样磕磕绊绊的英语，

And the snippets of halting English

人们相互交流着。

were exchanged between people who had one thing in common:

有一件事情是相同的，

They were starting again.

又重新开始了。

My mother worked on farms,

母亲一开始在农村干活，

then on a car assembly line,

后来去了汽车组装线，

working six days, double shifts.

一周工作6天，双班倒。

有时她挤时间学习英语，

Somehow, she found time to study English

and gain IT qualifications.

获得了IT资格证。

我们很穷，

We were poor.

节约每一分钱。

All the dollars were allocated

剩余的钱都用来缴英语和数学的学费，

and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for

不管再难，

regardless of what missed out,

即使没有

which was usually new clothes;

新衣服穿，

穿二手的。

they were always secondhand.

上学时穿两双袜子，

Two pairs of stockings for school,

each to hide the holes in the other.

一双遮挡另一双上的洞。

学校的制服盖过了膝盖，

A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years.

因为它得坚持6年。

虽然很少，但是搜寻圣歌的

And there were rare but searing chants of "slit-eye"

边边角角，

偶尔的涂鸦说

and the occasional graffiti:

"Asian, go home."

“亚洲人，回家去吧！”

Go home to where?

回家回到哪儿？

一些事情刺痛了我的内心。

Something stiffened inside me.

There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying,

一股力量在凝聚，

安静的声音在说：“我要超越你。”

"I will bypass you."

我、我妹妹和我母亲

My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed.

睡在同一张床上。

My mother was exhausted each night,

每晚母亲都拖着疲惫的身体回家，

但是我们互相交流一天的事情，

but we told one another about our day

听着旁白房间

and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house.

祖母的动静。

我母亲一直梦魇困扰着，

My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat.

都是关于小船的。

And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came

我的工作就是保持清醒，在她做恶梦的时候

so I could wake her.

叫醒她。

她开了一家计算机商店，

She opened a computer store,

学习美容，

then studied to be a beautician and opened another business.

将来开一家美容店。

And the women came with their stories

关于男人的故事，

about men who could not make the transition,

没有过渡，

生气，呆板，

angry and inflexible,

and troubled children caught between two worlds.

问题小孩，就像两个世界。

寻求资金和资助人，

Grants and sponsors were sought.

Centers were established.

建立了中心。

我生活在一个平行的世界。

I lived in parallel worlds.

一方面，我是典型的亚洲学生，

In one, I was the classic Asian student,

relentless in the demands that I made on myself.

自己特别狠；

In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious,

另一方面，我纠缠于现实的危险，

tragically scarred by violence, drug abuse and isolation.

暴力冲突的可悲，

毒品泛滥和种族隔离。

But so many over the years were helped.

但是如此多年的帮助，

当我曾为法律系毕业生的时候，

And for that work, when I was a final-year law student,

I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year.

我被选择作为当年的澳大利亚年轻代表。

And I was catapulted from one piece of the jigsaw to another,

我直接

从一个片段跳到了另一个，

and their edges didn't fit.

没有漂亮的连接。

Tan Le一名Footscray普通居民，

Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,

现在是难民，社会积极分子，

was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist,

invited to speak in venues she had never heard of

被邀请演讲，

去一个从未听说过的

and into homes whose existence she could never have imagined.

去一个无法想象是否存在的地方。

我不知道协议，

I didn't know the protocols.

不知道如何用刀具，

I didn't know how to use the cutlery.

不会谈论葡萄酒，

I didn't know how to talk about wine.

I didn't know how to talk about anything.

不会讲话。

I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort

我想要退回到原来，

of life in an unsung suburb --

无名市郊的舒适生活--

a grandmother, a mother and two daughters

祖母、目前和两个女儿

ending each day as they had for almost 20 years,

过着20多年的平淡生活，

相互谈论着过去的日子，

telling one another the story of their day

渐渐入睡，

and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed.

我们三个还在一个床上。

我告诉我母亲，我做不到。

I told my mother I couldn't do it.

She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been

她提醒我，她带我们乘船出国的时候，

正好是我现在的年龄。

when we boarded the boat.

"No" had never been an option.

没有任何选择。

“放手去做”，她说

"Just do it," she said,

"and don't be what you're not."

“做真正的自己”

So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education

因此我讲到了失业低龄化和教育问题

and the neglect of the marginalized and disenfranchised.

忽视边缘群体和剥夺政治权利。

我说的越坦率，

And the more candidly I spoke, the more I was asked to speak.

越是有人邀请我演讲。

遇见周围的人们，

I met people from all walks of life,

so many of them doing the thing they loved,

做着自己喜欢的事情，

生活的

living on the frontiers of possibility.

And even though I finished my degree,

即使我完成了我的学业，

I realized I could not settle into a career in law.

我意识到我不能局限于法律职业。

There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.

这儿还有另一个拼图的片段。

同一时间，我意识到

And I realized, at the same time,

that it is OK to be an outsider,

作为局外人也可以，

最近的事情，

a recent arrival,

new on the scene --

屏幕上的新闻

and not just OK,

不仅仅是可以，

but something to be thankful for,

一些事情归功于

perhaps a gift from the boat.

来自小船的经历。

Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons,

因为作为一个局内人，

太容易放弃视野，

太容易

can so easily mean accepting the presumptions of your province.

接收你的假设。

我现在得站在舒适区足够远

I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now

to know that, yes, the world does fall apart,

是的，世界开始破碎，

不是按照你担心的那样。

but not in the way that you fear.

Possibilities that would not have been allowed

不允许贸然或者

鼓励放大可能性。

were outrageously encouraged.

这里有能量，

There was an energy there,

an implacable optimism,

无情的乐观，

a strange mixture of humility and daring.

混合着人道和胆量。

跟随我的预感。

So I followed my hunches.

我聚集了一个小组

I gathered around me a small team of people

for whom the label "It can't be done" was an irresistible challenge.

“不能完成”的标签

是我们唯一的挑战。

For a year, we were penniless.

整整一年，我们一名不文。

At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup

每一天最后，我都做一大锅汤

大家共享。

which we all shared.

每晚都努力工作。

We worked well into each night.

Most of our ideas were crazy,

我们大多数的想法都很疯狂，

but a few were brilliant,

还有少数很明智，

and we broke through.

我们突破着。

I made the decision to move to the US after only one trip.

我觉得搬到美国，

在一次旅行后。

My hunches again.

我的直觉又一次成功了。

Three months later, I had relocated, and the adventure has continued.

我到达3个月后，

继续冒险。

在最后让我说说

Before I close, though, let me tell you about my grandmother.

我的祖母。

她成长的时代

She grew up at a time when Confucianism was the social norm

儒教盛行，

and the local mandarin was the person who mattered.

本地Mandarin最大。

几个世纪的生活都不曾改变。

Life hadn't changed for centuries.

她出生的时候，父亲去世，

Her father died soon after she was born.

Her mother raised her alone.

由母亲独自养大。

At 17, she became the second wife of a mandarin whose mother beat her.

她17岁嫁给了一个Mandarin，

做二房，遭到婆婆的打骂。

With no support from her husband,

没有丈夫的支持，

带着丈夫去法院起诉自己，

she caused a sensation by taking him to court

and prosecuting her own case,

从而轰动一时，

and a far greater sensation when she won.

胜诉的她更是名声远扬。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

“不可能”变成了可能。

"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.

I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney

当她在600英里外的墨尔本

the moment she died,

逝世时，

600 miles away, in Melbourne.

我正在悉尼的宾馆房间洗澡。

透过玻璃，

I looked through the shower screen and saw her standing on the other side.

我看到她站在对面。

I knew she had come to say goodbye.

我知道她是来说声再见。

我母亲的电话几分钟后来了。

My mother phoned minutes later.

几天后，

A few days later,

we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray and sat around her casket.

我们去Footscray的佛寺，

坐在她的棺材旁。

我们讲述着故事，

We told her stories and assured her that we were still with her.

向她保证我们一直陪着她。

At midnight, the monk came and told us he had to close the casket.

午夜僧人告诉我们，

他必须盖上棺材。

My mother asked us to feel her hand.

我母亲让我们感受祖母的手。

She asked the monk,

她问僧人

"Why is it that her hand is so warm and the rest of her is so cold?"

“为什么祖母的手是温的，

其他地方那么凉？”

"Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said.

“因为您从早上一直握到现在”，他说

"You have not let it go."

“你从未放手”。

If there is a sinew in our family, it runs through the women.

如果说我们家族有动力，

那它一定来着于妇女们。

考虑到我们自身和生活的塑造，

Given who we were and how life had shaped us,

我们现在可以预见，

we can now see that the men that might have come into our lives

一个男人必须挫败我们才能融入我们。

would have thwarted us.

必须挫败我们才行。

Defeat would have come too easily.

失败来的太容易。

Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat.

现在我想要自己孩子，

自己的小船。

又有谁不愿意呢？

Who could ever wish it on their own?

然而我害怕特权、

Yet I am afraid of privilege,

安乐

of ease,

of entitlement.

和权利。

Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave,

给他们生命的桨，

勇敢地划入每个波浪，

the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine,

自然地、稳稳地发动机，

宽广的视野，

the vast horizon that guarantees nothing?

不用任何担保，我能做到吗？

我不知道。

I don't know.

但是我可以放任它，

But if I could give it

and still see them safely through,

看着他们安全的通过，

这也是我希望的。

I would.

(Applause)

（掌声）

同时，Tan的母亲今天也来到的现场，

Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today,

就坐于第四、五排。

in the fourth or fifth row.

(Applause)

（掌声）