A call to men | Tony Porter

Translator: vilcins j Reviewer: Kristaps Kadiķis

I grew up in New York City,

Es uzaugu Ņujorkā

between Harlem and the Bronx.

starp Hārlemu un Bronksu.

Growing up as a boy, we were taught

Mums kā zēniem augot, mūs mācīja,

that men had to be tough, had to be strong,

ka vīriešiem jābūt rūdītiem un stipriem

had to be courageous, dominating --

jābūt drosmīgiem, valdonīgiem,

no pain, no emotions,

bez sāpēm un emocijām,

with the exception of anger --

izņemot dusmas,

and definitely no fear;

pilnīgi noteikti — bezbailīgiem.

that men are in charge,

Vīrieši visu kontrolē,

which means women are not;

kas nozīmē, ka sievietes — nē;

that men lead,

ka vīrieši vada,

and you should just follow and do what we say;

un jums jāseko viņiem un jādara, ko mēs sakām;

that men are superior; women are inferior;

ka vīrieši ir pārāki un sievietes zemākas,

that men are strong; women are weak;

ka vīrieši ir stipri, sievietes ir vājas;

that women are of less value,

ka sievietes ir mazvērtīgas --

property of men,

vīriešu īpašums --

and objects,

un objekti,

particularly sexual objects.

jo īpaši seksuāli objekti.

I've later come to know that to be

Es ar laiku esmu sapratis, ka tā ir

the collective socialization of men,

vīriešu kopējā socializācija,

better known

labāk zināma

as the "man box."

kā "vīrieša kaste".

See this man box has in it

Redziet, šajā vīrieša kastē

all the ingredients

ir visas sastāvdaļas,

of how we define what it means to be a man.

lai nodefinētu, ko nozīmē būt par vīrieti.

Now I also want to say, without a doubt,

Es gan arī gribu teikt, ka neapšaubāmi,

there are some wonderful, wonderful,

ir arī dažas brīnišķīgas, brīnišķīgas,

absolutely wonderful things

ļoti brīnišķīgas lietas

about being a man.

esot vīrietim.

But at the same time,

Bet tajā pašā laikā

there's some stuff

ir dažas lietas,

that's just straight up twisted,

kas ir vienkārši sagrozītas.

and we really need to begin

Mums tiešām jāsāk

to challenge, look at it

izaicināt, aplūkot

and really get in the process

un pa īstam jāsāk

of deconstructing, redefining,

pārveidot un pārdēvēt

what we come to know as manhood.

ko mēs tagad atpazīstam kā vīrietību.

This is my two at home, Kendall and Jay.

Šie mājās ir abi manējie — Kendels un Džeja.

They're 11 and 12.

Viņiem ir 11 un 12 gadi.

Kendall's 15 months older than Jay.

Kendels ir 15 mēnešus vecāks par Džeju.

There was a period of time when my wife -- her name is Tammie -- and I,

Bija laiks, kad mēs ar sievu, viņu sauc Tamija,

we just got real busy and whip, bam, boom:

mēs bijām ļoti aizņemti un čiki, briki, bum --

Kendall and Jay.

Kendels un Džeja.

(Laughter)

(Smiekli)

And when they were about five and six,

Un kad viņiem bija ap pieciem un sešiem gadiem,

four and five,

četriem un pieciem,

Jay could come to me,

Džeja varēja nākt pie manis,

come to me crying.

nākt raudādama.

It didn't matter what she was crying about,

Nebija svarīgi, par ko viņa raudāja,

she could get on my knee, she could snot my sleeve up,

viņa varēja tikt man uz ceļa, piepuņķot manu piedurkni,

just cry, cry it out.

raudāt un izraudāties.

Daddy's got you. That's all that's important.

Tētis ir tepat. Nekam citam nav nozīmes.

Now Kendall on the other hand --

Turpretī ar Kendelu --

and like I said, he's only 15 months older than her --

un kā es teicu, viņš ir tikai 15 mēnešus vecāks kā viņa --

he'd come to me crying,

ja viņš nāca pie manis raudādams

it's like as soon as I would hear him cry,

ja vien es izdzirdēju viņu raudam,

a clock would go off.

ieskanējās zvani.

I would give the boy probably about 30 seconds,

Es dotu puikam 30 sekundes,

which means, by the time he got to me,

kas nozīmēja, ka līdz viņš tika līdz manīm,

I was already saying things like, "Why are you crying?

es jau sāku teikt ko līdzīgu: "Kāpēc tu raudi?

Hold your head up. Look at me.

Pacel galvu! Skaties uz mani!

Explain to me what's wrong.

Izskaidro, kas vainas.

Tell me what's wrong. I can't understand you.

Pasaki, kas nav kārtībā. Es tevi nesaprotu.

Why are you crying?"

Kāpēc tu raudi?"

And out of my own frustration

Un no dusmām

of my role and responsibility

par savu lomu un atbildību

of building him up as a man

uzaudzināt viņu par vīrieti,

to fit into these guidelines

iespiest viņu noteikumos

and these structures that are defining this man box,

un rāmī, kas nosaka vīrieša kasti,

I would find myself saying things like,

es teiktu ko līdzīgu:

"Just go in your room.

"Ej tik uz savu istabu.

Just go on, go on in your room.

Ej, ej tik, ej uz savu istabu.

Sit down,

Apsēdies,

get yourself together

savaldies

and come back and talk to me

un tad nāc atpakaļ un runā ar mani,

when you can talk to me like a --" what?

kad vari ar mani runāt kā --" Kas?

(Audience: Man.)

(Publika: Vīrietis.)

Like a man.

"kā vīrietis."

And he's five years old.

Un viņš ir tikai piecus gadus vecs.

And as I grow in life,

Dzīvē attīstoties,

I would say to myself,

es sev jautāju:

"My God, what's wrong with me?

"Ak Dievs, kas ar mani nav kārtībā?

What am I doing? Why would I do this?"

Ko es daru? Kāpēc gan lai es tā darītu?"

And I think back.

Un es atceros,

I think back to my father.

es atceros savu tēvu.

There was a time in my life

Kādu laiku manā dzīvē

where we had a very troubled experience in our family.

mūsu ģimenei bija ārkārtīgas nepatikšanas.

My brother, Henry, he died tragically

Mans brālis Henrijs traģiski mira

when we were teenagers.

mums vēl esot pusaudžiem.

We lived in New York City, as I said.

Kā jau es teicu, mēs dzīvojām Ņujorkā.

We lived in the Bronx at the time,

Tolaik mēs dzīvojām Bronksā.

and the burial was in a place called Long Island,

Un bēres bija vietā, ko sauc par Longailendu

it was about two hours outside of the city.

apmēram divu stundu braucienā ārpus pilsētas.

And as we were preparing

Un kad mēs gatavojāmies

to come back from the burial,

braukt atpakaļ no bērēm,

the cars stopped at the bathroom

mašīna apstājās pie tualetes,

to let folks take care of themselves

lai visi varētu nokārtoties

before the long ride back to the city.

pirms garā brauciena atpakaļ uz pilsētu.

And the limousine empties out.

Limuzīns palika tukšs,

My mother, my sister, my auntie, they all get out,

mana māte, māsa, tante izkāpa,

but my father and I stayed in the limousine,

bet tēvs un es palikām limuzīnā.

and no sooner than the women got out,

Tiklīdz sievietes bija ārā,

he burst out crying.

viņš sāka raudāt.

He didn't want cry in front of me,

Viņš negribēja raudāt manā priekšā.

but he knew he wasn't going to make it back to the city,

Bet viņš zināja, ka viņš netiks līdz pilsētai.

and it was better me than to allow himself

Tad jau labāk manā klātbūtnē nekā atļauties

to express these feelings and emotions in front of the women.

izrādīt šīs izjūtas un emocijas sieviešu priekšā.

And this is a man

Un šis bija vīrietis,

who, 10 minutes ago,

kurš pirms 10 minūtēm

had just put his teenage son

bija tikko guldījis zem zemes savu

in the ground --

pusaugu dēlu --

something I just can't even imagine.

kaut kas man grūti aptverams.

The thing that sticks with me the most

Visneaizmirstamākais bija tas,

is that he was apologizing to me

ka viņš man atvainojās

for crying in front of me,

par raudāšanu manā klātbūtnē.

and at the same time, he was also giving me props,

Tajā pašā laikā viņš mani slavēja,

lifting me up,

uzmundrināja

for not crying.

par neraudāšanu.

I come to also look at this

Es sāku skatīties uz to kā bailēm,

as this fear that we have as men,

kas mums ir kā vīriešiem.

this fear that just has us paralyzed,

Bailēm, kas mūs paralizē,

holding us hostage

tur par ķīlniekiem

to this man box.

vīrieša kastei.

I can remember speaking

Es atceros, kā es reiz runāju

to a 12-year-old boy, a football player,

ar 12 gadīgu puiku, futbolistu,

and I asked him, I said,

Un prasīju viņam:

"How would you feel if,

"Kā Tu justos, ja

in front of all the players,

citu spēlētāju priekšā

your coach told you you were playing like a girl?"

tavs treneris pateiktu, ka tu spēlē kā meitene?"

Now I expected him to say something like,

Es sagaidīju, ka viņš teiks kaut ko līdzīgu

I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that.

"Es būtu noskumis. Es būtu dusmīgs." Vai kaut ko tamlīdzīgu.

No, the boy said to me --

Nē, puika man teica --

the boy said to me,

puika man teica:

"It would destroy me."

"Tas mani sagrautu."

And I said to myself,

Un es sev vaicāju:

"God, if it would destroy him

"Dievs, ja viņu sagrautu

to be called a girl,

nosaukšana par meiteni,

what are we then teaching him

ko mēs viņam mācām

about girls?"

par meitenēm?"

(Applause)

(Aplausi)

It took me back to a time

Tas lika man atcerēties laiku,

when I was about 12 years old.

kad man bija ap 12 gadu.

I grew up in tenement buildings in the inner city.

Es uzaugu iekšpilsētas īres namu rajonā.

At this time we're living in the Bronx,

Mēs toreiz dzīvojām Bronksā.

and in the building next to where I lived there was a guy named Johnny.

Un mājā, kurai es dzīvoju blakus, dzīvoja puisis vārdā Džonijs.

He was about 16 years old,

Viņam bija ap 16,

and we were all about 12 years old -- younger guys.

un mums visiem bija ap 12 gadu -- bijām jaunāki.

And he was hanging out with all us younger guys.

Un viņš pavadīja laiku kopā ar mums jaunajiem.

And this guy, he was up to a lot of no good.

Un šis puisis nebija ne uz ko labu.

He was the kind of kid who parents would have to wonder,

Viņš bija no tiem, par ko vecākiem būtu jādomā,

"What is this 16-year-old boy doing with these 12-year-old boys?"

ko sešpadsmitgadnieks dara kopā ar šiem divpadsmitgadīgajiem puikām.

And he did spend a lot of time up to no good.

Un viņš tiešām pavadīja daudz laika ne uz to labāko.

He was a troubled kid.

Viņš bija jauneklis ar problēmām.

His mother had died from a heroin overdose.

Viņa māte bija mirusi no heroīna pārdozēšanas.

He was being raised by his grandmother.

Viņu audzināja vecāmāte.

His father wasn't on the set.

Viņa tēvs nebija tuvumā.

His grandmother had two jobs.

Viņa vecaimātei bija divi darbi.

He was home alone a lot.

Viņš bieži bija mājās viens.

But I've got to tell you, we young guys,

Bet man jums jāsaka, ka mēs jauniņie,

we looked up to this dude, man.

mēs viņu cienījām.

He was cool. He was fine.

Viņš bija stilīgs. Viņš bija "pa smalko".

That's what the sisters said, "He was fine."

Tā teica skuķi: "Viņš ir smalks".

He was having sex.

Viņš nodarbojās ar seksu.

We all looked up to him.

Mēs visi viņu cienījām.

So one day, I'm out in front of the house doing something --

Tā vienu dienu es kaut ko daru mājas priekšā,

just playing around, doing something -- I don't know what.

vienkārši spēlējos, ar kaut ko nodarbojos -- nezinu, ar ko.

He looks out his window; he calls me upstairs; he said, "Hey Anthony."

Viņš paskatījās ārā pa logu un sauca mani augšā. Viņš teica: "Ei, Entonij!"

They called me Anthony growing up as a kid.

Toreiz, mazam esot, mani sauca par Entoniju.

"Hey Anthony, come on upstairs."

"Ei, Entonij, uznāc augšā."

Johnny call, you go.

Džonijs sauc — tu ej.

So I run right upstairs.

Tā nu es uzreiz uzskrēju augšā.

As he opens the door, he says to me, "Do you want some?"

Viņš, atverot durvis, man saka: "Tu gribi?"

Now I immediately knew what he meant.

Nu, es uzreiz zināju, ko viņš ar to domāja,

Because for me growing up at that time,

jo man toreiz augot

and our relationship with this man box,

un attiecībā uz vīrieša kasti,

"Do you want some?" meant one of two things:

"Vai tu gribi?" nozīmēju vienu no diviem:

sex or drugs --

Seksu vai narkotikas --

and we weren't doing drugs.

un mēs nelietojām narkotikas.

Now my box, my card,

Nu, mana kaste, dalības karte,

my man box card,

vīrieša kastes dalības karte

was immediately in jeopardy.

uzreiz bija briesmās.

Two things: One, I never had sex.

Divas lietas: vispirms, man nebija seksa.

We don't talk about that as men.

Mēs kā vīrieši par to nerunājam.

You only tell your dearest, closest friend, sworn to secrecy for life,

Tu saki tikai saviem dārgākajiem, tuvākajiem draugiem, kas zvēr noslēpuma turēšanu uz dzīvi,

the first time you had sex.

kad tu pirmo reizi nodarbojies ar seksu.

For everybody else, we go around like we've been having sex since we were two.

Visiem citiem mēs visapkārt izliekamies, ka mēs nodarbojamies ar seksu kopš 2 gadu vecuma.

There ain't no first time.

Pirmās reizes nav.

(Laughter)

(Smejas)

The other thing I couldn't tell him is that I didn't want any.

Otra lieta, ko es nevarēju teikt, bija, ka man negribējās.

That's even worse. We're supposed to always be on the prowl.

Tas ir vēl sliktāk. Mums nepārtraukti jābūt medībās.

Women are objects,

Sievietes ir objekti,

especially sexual objects.

jo īpaši seksuāli objekti.

Anyway, so I couldn't tell him any of that.

Jebkurā gadījumā, es nevarēju viņam neko tādu teikt.

So, like my mother would say, make a long story short,

Tā nu, kā saka mana māte, pārstāstīšu garu stāstu pa īso.

I just simply said to Johnny, "Yes."

Es vienkārši Džonijam teicu: "Jā."

He told me to go in his room.

Viņš man lika ieiet viņa istabā.

I go in his room. On his bed is a girl from the neighborhood named Sheila.

Es iegāju viņa istabā. Uz viņa gultas bija meitene vārdā Šīla no mūsu apkārtnes.

She's 16 years old.

Viņai bija 16 gadu.

She's nude.

Viņa bija kaila.

She's what I know today to be mentally ill,

Viņa bija, kā es to tagad zinu, garīgi slima,

higher-functioning at times than others.

dažkārt spējīgāka kā citās reizēs.

We had a whole choice of inappropriate names for her.

Mums viņai bija vesela kaudze nepiedienīgu palamu.

Anyway, Johnny had just gotten through having sex with her.

Jebkurā gadījumā, Džonijs bija tikko beidzis dzimumaktu ar viņu.

Well actually, he raped her, but he would say he had sex with her.

Īstenībā viņš bija viņu izvarojis, bet pats to sauktu par nodarbošanos ar seksu.

Because, while Sheila never said no,

Jo, lai arī Šīla nekad neteica "nē",

she also never said yes.

viņa nekad arī neteica "jā".

So he was offering me the opportunity to do the same.

Tā nu viņš man piedāvāja iespēju darīt to pašu.

So when I go in the room, I close the door.

Kad es iegāju istabā, es aizvēru durvis.

Folks, I'm petrified.

Ziniet, esmu nobijies.

I stand with my back to the door so Johnny can't bust in the room

Es stāvu ar muguru pret durvīm, lai Džonijs nevarētu ielauzties istabā.

and see that I'm not doing anything,

Es neko tā arī nedaru.

and I stand there long enough that I could have actually done something.

Es tā stāvu pietiekami ilgi, lai es būtu varējis kaut ko arī izdarīt,

So now I'm no longer trying to figure out what I'm going to do;

un tagad es vairs nedomāju, ko darīšu.

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of this room.

Es cenšos izdomāt, kā es tikšu ārā no šīs istabas.

So in my 12 years of wisdom,

Savā divpadsmitgadnieka gudrībā

I zip my pants down,

es attaisīju savu bikšpriekšu.

I walk out into the room,

Es izgāju no istabas.

and lo and behold to me,

Un, protams,

while I was in the room with Sheila,

man esot istabā ar Šīlu,

Johnny was back at the window calling guys up.

Džonijs bijis pie loga un saucis augšā puišus.

So now there's a living room full of guys.

Dzīvojamā istaba ir pilna ar puišiem.

It was like the waiting room in the doctor's office.

Tas bija kā uzgaidāmajā telpā pie ārsta kabineta.

And they asked me how was it,

Un viņi man prasīja, kā bija.

and I say to them, "It was good,"

Es viņiem atbildu: "Labi."

and I zip my pants up in front of them,

Un es viņu priekšā aiztaisu bikses

and I head for the door.

un dodos uz durvju pusi.

Now I say this all with remorse,

Es to tagad stāstu ar nožēlu

and I was feeling a tremendous amount of remorse at that time,

un arī tolaik es jutu milzīgu nožēlu.

but I was conflicted, because, while I was feeling remorse, I was excited,

Bet es biju pretrunās, jo vienlaicīgi ar nožēlu, es biju priecīgs,

because I didn't get caught.

jo mani nepieķēra.

But I knew I felt bad about what was happening.

Bet es zināju, ka jūtos slikti par to, kas bija noticis.

This fear, getting outside the man box,

Šīs bailes par būšanu ārpus vīrieša kastes

totally enveloped me.

pilnīgi apņēma mani.

It was way more important to me,

Man bija daudz svarīgāk,

about me and my man box card

kā bija ar mani un vīrieša kasti,

than about Sheila

nekā, kā bija Šīlai

and what was happening to her.

un kas notika ar viņu.

See collectively, we as men

Jo redzi, kopā mēs vīrieši tiekam mācīti

are taught to have less value in women,

sievietes vērtēt zemāk,

to view them as property and the objects of men.

redzēt viņas kā vīriešu īpašumu un objektus.

We see that as an equation that equals violence against women.

Tas ir kā vienādojums, kas vienlīdzīgs ar vardarbību pret sievietēm.

We as men, good men,

Mēs, kā vīrieši, labi vīrieši,

the large majority of men,

lielais vairākums vīriešu,

we operate on the foundation

mēs darbojamies, pamatojoties

of this whole collective socialization.

uz šādas kopējas socializācijas.

We kind of see ourselves separate, but we're very much a part of it.

Mēs sevi redzam atstatus, bet mēs patiešām esam daļa no tā visa.

You see, we have to come to understand

Redziet, mēs esam nonākuši pie izpratnes,

that less value, property and objectification is the foundation

ka pamatā ir mazvērtīgums, īpašums un objektivizācija,

and the violence can't happen without it.

un ka bez tā nav vardarbības.

So we're very much a part of the solution

Tāpēc mēs esam risinājuma daļa

as well as the problem.

tāpat kā daļa no problēmas.

The center for disease control says

ASV Federālais slimību kontroles un profilakses dienests ziņo,

that men's violence against women is at epidemic proportions,

ka vīriešu vardarbībai pret sievietēm ir epidēmiskas proporcijas.

is the number one health concern for women

Ka tā ir visnozīmīgākā sieviešu veselības problēma

in this country and abroad.

šajā valstī un ārzemēs.

So quickly, I'd like to just say,

Tāpēc, es gribu ātri teikt,

this is the love of my life, my daughter Jay.

ka šī ir manas dzīves mīlestība, mana meita Džeja.

The world I envision for her --

Pasaule, ko es priekš viņas iedomājos,

how do I want men to be acting and behaving?

kā es gribētu, lai vīrieši izturētos un uzvestos?

I need you on board. I need you with me.

Man vajag, lai jūs piebiedrojaties. Man vajag jūs kopā ar mani.

I need you working with me and me working with you

Man vajag, lai jūs sadarbotos ar mani un es ar jums,

on how we raise our sons

lai audzinātu mūsu dēlus

and teach them to be men --

un iemācītu viņiem būt par vīriešiem --

that it's okay to not be dominating,

ka var nebūt dominējošs,

that it's okay to have feelings and emotions,

ka ir labi būt ar sajūtām un emocijām,

that it's okay to promote equality,

ka ir labi veicināt vienlīdzību,

that it's okay to have women who are just friends and that's it,

ka ir labi būt vienkārši draugos ar sievietēm un ka

that it's okay to be whole,

ir labi būt pilnīgam.

that my liberation as a man

Ka mana brīvība kā vīrietim

is tied to your liberation as a woman. (Applause)

ir saistīta ar sieviešu atbrīvošanu.

I remember asking a nine-year-old boy,

Es atceros, kā es reiz vaicāju deviņgadīgam puikam,

I asked a nine-year-old boy,

es prasīju deviņgadīgam puikam:

"What would life be like for you,

"Kāda būtu tava dzīve,

if you didn't have to adhere to this man box?"

ja tev nebūtu jāturas pie šīs vīrieša kastes?"

He said to me, "I would be free."

Viņš man teica: "Es būtu brīvs."

Thank you folks.

Paldies jums!

(Applause)

(Aplausi)