A call to men | Tony Porter

849,030 views ใƒป 2010-12-10

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ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุฃุฏู†ุงู‡ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ.

ุงู„ู…ุชุฑุฌู…: Anwar Dafa-Alla ุงู„ู…ุฏู‚ู‘ู‚: Bob Samuel
00:15
I grew up in New York City,
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ุชุฑุนุฑุนุช ููŠ ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ ู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒ ุŒ
00:18
between Harlem and the Bronx.
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ุจูŠู† ุฃุญูŠุงุก ู‡ุงุฑู„ู… ูˆุจุฑูˆู†ูƒุณ .
00:20
Growing up as a boy, we were taught
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ู†ุดุฃุช ูƒุตุจูŠ ุŒ ุชุนู„ู…ู†ุง
00:22
that men had to be tough, had to be strong,
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ุฃู† ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ูŠู†ุจุบูŠ ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู†ูˆุง ู‚ุณุงุฉ ุŒ ูˆุฃู‚ูˆูŠุงุก ุŒ
00:24
had to be courageous, dominating --
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ูˆูŠุฌุจ ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู†ูˆุง ุดุฌุนุงู† ูˆู…ุณูŠุทุฑูŠู† --
00:27
no pain, no emotions,
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ุจุฏูˆู† ุฃู„ู… ุŒ ุฃูˆ ู…ุดุงุนุฑ ุŒ
00:29
with the exception of anger --
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ุจุงุณุชุซู†ุงุก ุงู„ุบุถุจ --
00:31
and definitely no fear;
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ูˆุจุงู„ุทุจุน ุจุฏูˆู† ุฎูˆู --
00:33
that men are in charge,
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ู…ุณุฆูˆู„ูˆู† ุŒ
00:35
which means women are not;
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ู…ู…ุง ูŠุนู†ูŠ ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ู„ุณู† ู…ุณุฆูˆู„ุงุช .
00:37
that men lead,
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ูŠู‚ูˆุฏูˆู† ุŒ
00:39
and you should just follow and do what we say;
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ู…ุฑุฃุฉ ู…ุฌุฑุฏ ุชุงุจุนุฉ ูˆ ุชูุนู„ ู…ุง ู†ู‚ูˆู„ู‡ ู†ุญู† ูู‚ุท :
00:42
that men are superior; women are inferior;
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ุฃุนู„ู‰ ูˆุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ุฏูˆู†ู‰ .
00:45
that men are strong; women are weak;
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ุฃู‚ูˆูŠุงุก ุŒ ูˆุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ุถุนูŠูุงุช .
00:48
that women are of less value,
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ุฃู‚ู„ ู‚ูŠู…ุฉ --
00:51
property of men,
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ู…ู„ูƒูŠุฉ ู„ู„ุฑุฌุงู„ --
00:53
and objects,
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ูˆุณู„ุน ุŒ
00:55
particularly sexual objects.
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ุชุญุฏูŠุฏุงู‹ ุณู„ุนุงู‹ ุฌู†ุณูŠุฉ
00:58
I've later come to know that to be
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุนุฑูุช ู„ุงุญู‚ุงู‹ ุฃู†
01:01
the collective socialization of men,
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ุชู†ุดุฆุฉ ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ุงู„ุฅุฌุชู…ุงุนูŠุฉ ุงู„ู…ุดุชุฑูƒุฉ ุŒ
01:04
better known
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ู…ุนุฑูˆูุฉ ุจุตูˆุฑุฉ ุฃูุถู„
01:06
as the "man box."
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ุจ "ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ."
01:08
See this man box has in it
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ุฃู†ุธุฑูˆุง ู„ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ ู‡ุฐุง
01:10
all the ingredients
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ุจุฏุงุฎู„ู‡ ูƒู„ ุงู„ู…ูƒูˆู†ุงุช
01:12
of how we define what it means to be a man.
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ู„ูƒูŠููŠุฉ ุชุนุฑูŠู ู…ุง ูŠุนู†ูŠู‡ ุฃู† ุชูƒูˆู† ุฑุฌู„ุงู‹ .
01:14
Now I also want to say, without a doubt,
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ูˆุฃุฑูŠุฏ ุงู„ู‚ูˆู„ ุงู„ุขู† ุŒ ุจุฏูˆู† ุดูƒ
01:16
there are some wonderful, wonderful,
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุจุงู„ุทุจุน ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุฑุงุฆุนุฉ ู„ู„ุบุงูŠุฉ
01:18
absolutely wonderful things
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ุฃุฑูˆุน ู…ุง ูŠูƒูˆู†
01:20
about being a man.
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ุญุงู„ ูƒูˆู†ูƒ ุฑุฌู„ .
01:22
But at the same time,
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ู„ูƒู† ููŠ ู†ูุณ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช
01:24
there's some stuff
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุจุนุถ ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก
01:26
that's just straight up twisted,
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ู…ู†ู‚ู„ุจุฉ ุฑุฃุณุงู‹ ุนู„ู‰ ุนู‚ุจ ุจุตูˆุฑุฉ ู…ุจุงุดุฑุฉ
01:28
and we really need to begin
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ูˆู†ุญู† ุจุญุงุฌุฉ ู„ู„ุจุฏุก
01:30
to challenge, look at it
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ููŠ ุชุญุฏูŠู‡ุง ูˆุงู„ู†ุธุฑ ููŠู‡ุง
01:32
and really get in the process
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ูˆุงู„ุฅุฎุชุฑุงู‚ ุงู„ูุนู„ู‰ ู„ุนู…ู„ูŠุฉ
01:34
of deconstructing, redefining,
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ุฅุนุงุฏุฉ ุชุดูƒูŠู„ู‡ุง ูˆุฅุนุงุฏุฉ ุชุนุฑูŠู ุŒ
01:37
what we come to know as manhood.
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ู…ุง ูŠู…ูƒู† ุชุณู…ูŠุชู‡ ุจุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ .
01:41
This is my two at home, Kendall and Jay.
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ู‡ุง ู‡ู… ุฃุจู†ุงุฆูŠ ุŒ ูƒูŠู†ุฏู„ ูˆุฌุงูŠ .
01:43
They're 11 and 12.
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ุฃุนู…ุงุฑู‡ู…ุง 11 ูˆ 12 ุนุงู…ุงู‹ .
01:45
Kendall's 15 months older than Jay.
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ูƒูŠู†ุฏู„ ุฃูƒุจุฑ ู…ู† ุฌุงูŠ ุจ 15 ุดู‡ุฑุงู‹ .
01:47
There was a period of time when my wife -- her name is Tammie -- and I,
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ูƒุงู†ุช ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ูุชุฑุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒุงู†ุช ุฒูˆุฌุชูŠ ุŒ ุฅุณู…ู‡ุง ุชุงู…ู‰ ุจุงู„ู…ู†ุงุณุจุฉ ุŒ ูˆุฃู†ุง ุŒ
01:50
we just got real busy and whip, bam, boom:
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ูƒู†ุง ููŠู‡ุง ู…ุดุบูˆู„ูŠู† ุจุงู„ูุนู„ ูู‰ ุชู‡ุฏุฆุฉ ุงู„ุนุฑุงูƒ ุงู„ุญุงุฏุซ ุจูŠู†
01:52
Kendall and Jay.
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ูƒูŠู†ุฏุงู„ ูˆุฌุงู‰ .
01:54
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
01:56
And when they were about five and six,
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒุงู†ุง ููŠ ุนู…ุฑ ุฎู…ุณุฉ ูˆุณุชุฉ ุฃุนูˆุงู… ุŒ
01:58
four and five,
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ุฃุฑุจุนุฉ ูˆุฎู…ุณุฉ ุŒ
02:00
Jay could come to me,
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ูƒุงู†ุช ุฌุงูŠ ุชุฃุชู‰ ุฅู„ูŠู‘ ุŒ
02:02
come to me crying.
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ุชุฃุชูŠ ุจุงูƒูŠุฉ .
02:04
It didn't matter what she was crying about,
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ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ูŠู‡ู… ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุจูƒูŠู‡ุง ุŒ
02:06
she could get on my knee, she could snot my sleeve up,
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ูู‡ูŠ ุชุฌู„ุณ ุนู„ู‰ ุฑูƒุจุชูŠ ุŒ ูˆุชุชุนู„ู‚ ุจู…ู„ุงุจุณู‰ ุจุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุณูŠุฆุฉ ุŒ
02:08
just cry, cry it out.
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ุชุจูƒูŠ ุŒ ุชุจูƒู‰ ุจุดุฏุฉ .
02:10
Daddy's got you. That's all that's important.
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ุฅู†ู‡ุง ู…ุน ูˆุงู„ุฏู‡ุง ุŒ ูˆู‡ุฐุง ูƒู„ ู…ุง ูŠู‡ู… .
02:13
Now Kendall on the other hand --
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ุจูŠู†ู…ุง ูƒูŠู†ุฏู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฌุงู†ุจ ุงู„ุขุฎุฑ --
02:15
and like I said, he's only 15 months older than her --
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ูˆู…ุซู„ู…ุง ู‚ู„ุช ุŒ ู‡ูˆ ูŠูƒุจุฑู‡ุง ุจ 15 ุดู‡ุฑุงู‹ ูู‚ุท --
02:18
he'd come to me crying,
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ูŠุฃุชูŠ ุฅู„ูŠู‘ ุจุงูƒูŠุงู‹ ุŒ
02:20
it's like as soon as I would hear him cry,
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ูˆูƒุฃู†ูŠ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุฃุณู…ุนู‡ ูŠุจูƒูŠ ุŒ
02:22
a clock would go off.
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ุณูŠุชูˆู‚ู ุงู„ุฒู…ู† .
02:24
I would give the boy probably about 30 seconds,
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ูู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุญุชู…ู„ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุณุฃุนุทูŠู‡ ุญูˆุงู„ูŠ 30 ุซุงู†ูŠุฉ ุŒ
02:27
which means, by the time he got to me,
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ุฃุนู†ูŠ ุŒ ุญุชู‰ ูŠุตู„ ุฅู„ู‰ ูŠุฏูŠู‰ู‘ ุŒ
02:30
I was already saying things like, "Why are you crying?
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ูƒู†ุช ุฃุญุฏุซู‡ ูŠุฃุดูŠุงุก ู…ุซู„ : " ู„ู…ุงุฐุง ุชุจูƒูŠ ุŸ
02:32
Hold your head up. Look at me.
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ุฃุฑูุน ุฑุฃุณูƒ . ูˆุฃู†ุธุฑ ุฅู„ูŠู‘ .
02:35
Explain to me what's wrong.
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ุฃุดุฑุญ ู„ูŠ ู…ุง ุงู„ู…ุดูƒู„ุฉ .
02:37
Tell me what's wrong. I can't understand you.
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ุฃุฎุจุฑู†ูŠ ู…ุง ุงู„ู…ุดูƒู„ุฉ . ู„ุง ุฃุณุชุทูŠุน ุฃู† ุฃูู‡ู…ูƒ .
02:39
Why are you crying?"
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ู„ู…ุงุฐุง ุชุจูƒูŠุŸ "
02:41
And out of my own frustration
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ูˆุฌุฑุงุก ุงู„ุฅุญุจุงุท ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุตูŠุจู†ูŠ
02:43
of my role and responsibility
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ุจุณุจุจ ุฏูˆุฑูŠ ูˆู…ุณุฆูˆู„ูŠุชูŠ
02:45
of building him up as a man
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ููŠ ุชุฑุจูŠุชู‡ ูƒุฑุฌู„
02:47
to fit into these guidelines
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ู„ูŠูˆุงูƒุจ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุฏู„ุงุฆู„
02:49
and these structures that are defining this man box,
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ูˆู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‡ูŠูƒู„ูŠุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ุชู‚ูˆู… ุจุชุนุฑูŠู ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ ู‡ุฐุง ุŒ
02:52
I would find myself saying things like,
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ุฃุฌุฏ ู†ูุณูŠ ุฃู‚ูˆู„ ู„ู‡ ุฃุดูŠุงุก ู…ุซู„ ุŒ
02:54
"Just go in your room.
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" ุฃุฐู‡ุจ ู„ุบุฑูุชูƒ .
02:56
Just go on, go on in your room.
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ุฃุฐู‡ุจ ุงู„ุขู† ู„ุบุฑูุชูƒ .
02:58
Sit down,
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ุฃุฌู„ุณ ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุŒ
03:00
get yourself together
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ุฃุณุชุฌู…ุน ู†ูุณูƒ
03:02
and come back and talk to me
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ูˆุนูุฏ ู„ู„ุญุฏูŠุซ ู…ุนูŠ
03:04
when you can talk to me like a --" what?
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุชุณุชุทูŠุน ุงู„ุญุฏูŠุซ ู…ุซู„ ..." ู…ุงุฐุง ุŸ
03:06
(Audience: Man.)
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( ุงู„ู…ุดุงู‡ุฏูŠู† : ุฑุฌู„ )
03:08
Like a man.
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" ูƒู…ุง ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ."
03:10
And he's five years old.
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ุฅุจู† ุงู„ุฎุงู…ุณุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ุนู…ุฑ .
03:12
And as I grow in life,
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ูˆุจูŠู†ู…ุง ุฃู†ุง ุฃูƒุจุฑ ููŠ ุงู„ุนู…ุฑ ุŒ
03:14
I would say to myself,
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ุฃูุญุฏุซ ู†ูุณูŠ ุŒ
03:16
"My God, what's wrong with me?
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" ูŠุง ุฅู„ู‡ูŠ ุŒ ู…ุง ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃูุนู„ู‡ ุŸ
03:18
What am I doing? Why would I do this?"
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ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃูุนู„ู‡ ุŸ ู„ู…ุงุฐุง ุฃูุนู„ ู‡ุฐุง ุŸ "
03:21
And I think back.
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ูˆุฃุนูŠุฏ ุงู„ุชููƒูŠุฑ ุจุงู„ู…ุงุถู‰ .
03:23
I think back to my father.
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ุฃููƒู‘ุฑ ุจูˆุงู„ุฏูŠ .
03:26
There was a time in my life
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ูƒุงู†ุช ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ูุชุฑุฉ ููŠ ุญูŠุงุชูŠ
03:28
where we had a very troubled experience in our family.
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ุญูŠุซ ู…ุฑู‘ุช ุฃุณุฑุชู†ุง ุจุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ู‚ุงุณูŠุฉ ุฌุฏุงู‹ .
03:31
My brother, Henry, he died tragically
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ุดู‚ูŠู‚ูŠ ุŒ ู‡ู†ุฑูŠ ุŒ ุชูˆููŠ ุจุตูˆุฑุฉ ู…ุฃุณุงูˆูŠุฉ
03:33
when we were teenagers.
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒู†ุง ููŠ ุณู† ุงู„ู…ุฑุงู‡ู‚ุฉ .
03:35
We lived in New York City, as I said.
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ุนุดู†ุง ููŠ ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ ู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒ ุŒ ูƒู…ุง ุฐูƒุฑุช .
03:37
We lived in the Bronx at the time,
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ูˆูƒู†ุง ููŠ ุญู‰ ุจุฑูˆู†ูƒุณ ููŠ ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช .
03:40
and the burial was in a place called Long Island,
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ูˆูƒุงู†ุช ุงู„ู…ู‚ุจุฑุฉ ููŠ ู…ูƒุงู† ูŠุณู…ู‰ ู„ูˆู†ุบ ุขูŠู„ุงู†ุฏ ุŒ
03:43
it was about two hours outside of the city.
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ูƒุงู†ุช ุชุจุนุฏ ุญูˆุงู„ูŠ ุณุงุนุชูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ .
03:46
And as we were preparing
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ูˆูƒู†ุง ู†ู‚ูˆู… ุจุงู„ุฅุนุฏุงุฏ
03:48
to come back from the burial,
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ู„ู„ุนูˆุฏุฉ ู…ู† ู…ูƒุงู† ุงู„ุฏูู† ุŒ
03:50
the cars stopped at the bathroom
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ุชูˆู‚ูุช ุงู„ุณูŠุงุฑุงุช ุนู†ุฏ ุฏูˆุฑุฉ ุงู„ู…ูŠุงุฉ
03:52
to let folks take care of themselves
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ู„ูŠู‚ุถูŠ ุงู„ุฌู…ูŠุน ุญุงุฌุชู‡
03:54
before the long ride back to the city.
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ู‚ุจู„ ุฃู† ู†ุชูˆุงุตู„ ุงู„ู…ุณูŠุฑ ุฑุฌูˆุนุงู‹ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ .
03:56
And the limousine empties out.
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ูˆุฎู„ุช ุณูŠุงุฑุงุช ุงู„ู„ูŠู…ูˆุฒูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ู†ุงุณ .
03:58
My mother, my sister, my auntie, they all get out,
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ูˆุงู„ุฏุชูŠ ุŒ ุฃุฎุชูŠ ุŒ ุฎุงู„ุชูŠ ุŒ ุฌู…ูŠุนู‡ู… ุฎุฑุฌ ุŒ
04:00
but my father and I stayed in the limousine,
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ู„ูƒู†ูŠ ุฃู†ุง ูˆูˆุงู„ุฏูŠ ุจู‚ูŠู†ุง ููŠ ุงู„ุณูŠุงุฑุฉ .
04:03
and no sooner than the women got out,
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ูˆุจู…ุฌุฑุฏ ุฎุฑูˆุฌ ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ู…ู† ุงู„ุณูŠุงุฑุฉ ุŒ
04:06
he burst out crying.
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ุฃุฌู‡ุด ุจุงู„ุจูƒุงุก .
04:09
He didn't want cry in front of me,
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ู„ู… ูŠุฑุฏ ุงู„ุจูƒุงุก ุฃู…ุงู…ูŠ .
04:11
but he knew he wasn't going to make it back to the city,
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ู„ูƒู†ู‡ ุนุฑู ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ู† ูŠุณุชุทูŠุน ุจุชุญูƒู… ุจู†ูุณู‡ ุญุชู‰ ุงู„ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ ุŒ
04:14
and it was better me than to allow himself
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ูˆูƒุงู† ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃูุถู„ ุฃู† ูŠุณู…ุญ ู„ู†ูุณู‡ ุจุงู„ุชุนุจูŠุฑ ุนู†
04:16
to express these feelings and emotions in front of the women.
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ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ุดุงุนุฑ ูˆุงู„ุฃุญุงุณูŠุณ ุฃู…ุงู…ูŠ ุจุฏู„ุงู‹ ู…ู† ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก .
04:19
And this is a man
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ุงู„ุฑุฌู„
04:21
who, 10 minutes ago,
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ุงู„ุฐู‰ ู‚ุจู„ ุนุดุฑ ุฏู‚ุงุฆู‚ ุŒ
04:23
had just put his teenage son
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ุฏูู† ุฅุจู†ู‡ ุงู„ุตุบูŠุฑ
04:25
in the ground --
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ูู‰ ุงู„ุชุฑุงุจ --
04:27
something I just can't even imagine.
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ุงู„ุดุฆ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู„ุง ุฃุณุชุทูŠุน ุชุฎูŠู„ู‡ ุญุชู‰ .
04:32
The thing that sticks with me the most
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ุงู„ุดุฆ ุงู„ุฐู‰ ุนู„ู‚ ุจุฐู‡ู†ูŠ ุฃูƒุซุฑ
04:34
is that he was apologizing to me
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ุฃู†ู‡ ูƒุงู† ูŠุนุชุฐุฑ ู„ูŠ
04:37
for crying in front of me,
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ู„ุจูƒุงุฆู‡ ุฃู…ุงู…ูŠ .
04:39
and at the same time, he was also giving me props,
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ูˆููŠ ู†ูุณ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ุŒ ูƒุงู† ุฃูŠุถุงู‹ ูŠู‚ุฏู… ู„ูŠ ุงู„ุฏุนู… ุŒ
04:42
lifting me up,
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ูˆูŠุดุฌุนู†ูŠ ุŒ
04:44
for not crying.
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ุนู„ู‰ ุนุฏู… ุงู„ุจูƒุงุก .
04:46
I come to also look at this
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ูˆุญุฏุซ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู†ุธุฑุช ู„ู‡ุฐุง
04:49
as this fear that we have as men,
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ูƒู†ูˆุน ู…ู† ุงู„ุฎูˆู ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู„ุฏูŠู†ุง ูƒุฑุฌุงู„ ุŒ
04:51
this fear that just has us paralyzed,
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ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฎูˆู ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฌุนู„ู†ุง ู…ุดู„ูˆู„ูŠู† ุŒ
04:53
holding us hostage
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ูˆุฌุนู„ู†ุง ูƒุฑู‡ุงุฆู†
04:55
to this man box.
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ู„ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ ู‡ุฐุง .
04:57
I can remember speaking
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ุฃุณุชุทูŠุน ุฃู† ุฃุชุฐูƒุฑ ุงู„ุญุฏูŠุซ
04:59
to a 12-year-old boy, a football player,
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ู…ุน ุทูู„ ุนู…ุฑู‡ 12 ุณู†ุฉ ุŒ ู„ุงุนุจ ูƒุฑุฉ ู‚ุฏู… ุŒ
05:01
and I asked him, I said,
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ูˆุทุฑุญุช ุนู„ูŠู‡ ุณุคุงู„ุงู‹ ุŒ ู‚ู„ุช ุŒ
05:03
"How would you feel if,
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" ูƒูŠู ุณุชุดุนุฑ ุฅุฐุง ู…ุง ุŒ
05:05
in front of all the players,
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ุฃู…ุงู… ุฌู…ูŠุน ุงู„ู„ุงุนุจูŠู† ุŒ
05:07
your coach told you you were playing like a girl?"
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ุฃุฎุจุฑูƒ ู…ุฏุฑุจูƒ ุจุฃู†ูƒ ุชู„ุนุจ ู…ุซู„ ุงู„ุจู†ุช ุŸ"
05:10
Now I expected him to say something like,
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ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ุชูˆู‚ุนุช ู…ู†ู‡ ุฃู† ูŠู‚ูˆู„ ุดูŠุฆ ู…ุซู„ ุŒ
05:12
I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that.
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ุณูˆู ุฃูƒูˆู† ุญุฒูŠู†ุงู‹ ุŒ ุณูˆู ุฃุบุถุจ ุŒ ุณูˆู ุฃู†ูุนู„ ุŒ ุฃูˆ ุดูŠุฆ ู…ู† ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ู‚ุจูŠู„ .
05:14
No, the boy said to me --
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ู„ุง ุŒ ู„ู‚ุฏ ู‚ุงู„ ู„ูŠ ุงู„ุตุจูŠ --
05:16
the boy said to me,
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ู‚ุงู„ ู„ูŠ ุงู„ุตุจูŠ ุŒ
05:18
"It would destroy me."
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" ุฅู†ู‡ุง ูŠู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชุฏู…ุฑู†ูŠ "
05:21
And I said to myself,
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ูˆู‚ู„ุช ู„ู†ูุณูŠ ุŒ
05:24
"God, if it would destroy him
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" ูŠุง ุฅู„ู‡ูŠ ุŒ ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู†ุช ุณุชุฏู…ุฑู‡
05:26
to be called a girl,
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ุฃู† ูŠูุณู…ู‰ ูƒุจู†ุช ุŒ
05:28
what are we then teaching him
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ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู†ุนู„ู…ู‡ ู„ู‡ู…
05:31
about girls?"
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ุนู† ุงู„ุจู†ุงุช ุŸ "
05:34
(Applause)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
05:38
It took me back to a time
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ูŠุฃุฎุฐู†ูŠ ู‡ุฐุง ู„ุฒู…ู†
05:40
when I was about 12 years old.
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ุฅุจู† ุงู„ 12 ุนุงู…ุงู‹ .
05:43
I grew up in tenement buildings in the inner city.
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ู†ุดุฃุช ููŠ ู…ู†ุทู‚ุฉ ุณูƒู†ูŠุฉ ุฏุงุฎู„ ุงู„ุฃุญูŠุงุก ุงู„ูู‚ูŠุฑุฉ ุจุงู„ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ .
05:46
At this time we're living in the Bronx,
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ููŠ ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ูƒู†ุง ู†ุนูŠุด ููŠ ุจุฑูˆู†ูƒุณ ุจู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒ .
05:48
and in the building next to where I lived there was a guy named Johnny.
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ูˆููŠ ุงู„ู…ุจู†ู‰ ุงู„ู…ุฌุงูˆุฑ ู„ู…ูƒุงู† ู…ุนูŠุดุชู‰ ูƒุงู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุดุฎุต ูŠุฏุนู‰ ุฌูˆู†ูŠ .
05:51
He was about 16 years old,
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ูƒุงู† ุนู…ุฑู‡ 16 ุนุงู…ุงู‹ ุŒ
05:53
and we were all about 12 years old -- younger guys.
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ูˆูƒู†ุง ุฌู…ูŠุนุง ูู‰ ุณู† 12 ุนุงู…ุงู‹ -- ุฃุตุบุฑ ุณู†ุงู‹ .
05:55
And he was hanging out with all us younger guys.
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ูˆูƒุงู† ูŠุตุงุญุจ ูƒู„ ุฃุคู„ุฆูƒ ุงู„ุฃุตุบุฑ ุณู†ุงู‹ ู…ู†ู‡ .
05:57
And this guy, he was up to a lot of no good.
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ูˆู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุดุงุจ ุŒ ูƒุงู† ูŠูุนู„ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุงู„ุณูŠุฆุฉ .
05:59
He was the kind of kid who parents would have to wonder,
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ูƒุงู† ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุจู†ุงุก ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ู„ุงุจุฏ ูˆุฃู† ูŠุชุนุฌุจ ุงู„ูˆุงู„ุฏูŠู† ู…ู†ู‡ ุŒ
06:01
"What is this 16-year-old boy doing with these 12-year-old boys?"
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" ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠูุนู„ู‡ ุตุจูŠ ุนู…ุฑู‡ 16 ุนุงู…ุง ู…ุน ุฃุทูุงู„ ุนู…ุฑู‡ู… 12 ุนุงู…ุงู‹ ุŸ"
06:04
And he did spend a lot of time up to no good.
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ูˆู„ู‚ุฏ ู‚ุถู‰ ูˆู‚ุชุง ุทูˆูŠู„ุงู‹ ููŠ ุนู…ู„ ุงู„ุฃูุนุงู„ ุงู„ุณูŠุฆุฉ .
06:06
He was a troubled kid.
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ูƒุงู† ุตุจูŠุงู‹ ูŠุชุณุจุจ ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุชุงุนุจ .
06:08
His mother had died from a heroin overdose.
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ู…ุงุชุช ูˆุงู„ุฏุชู‡ ุฌุฑุงุก ุฌุฑุนุฉ ุฒุงุฆุฏุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ู‡ูŠุฑูˆูŠู† .
06:10
He was being raised by his grandmother.
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ูˆุชู…ุช ุชุฑุจูŠุชู‡ ุจูˆุงุณุทุฉ ุฌุฏุชู‡ .
06:12
His father wasn't on the set.
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ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ูˆุงู„ุฏู‡ ู…ุนู‡ู… .
06:14
His grandmother had two jobs.
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ูƒุงู† ู„ุฌุฏุชู‡ ูˆุธูŠูุชูŠู† .
06:16
He was home alone a lot.
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ูˆูƒุงู† ูˆุญูŠุฏุงู‹ ุจุงู„ุจูŠุช ู„ูุชุฑุงุช ุทูˆูŠู„ุฉ .
06:18
But I've got to tell you, we young guys,
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ู„ูƒู† ูŠู†ุจุบูŠ ุฃู† ุฃุฎุจุฑูƒู… ุŒ ู†ุญู† ูƒุดุจุงุจ ุŒ
06:20
we looked up to this dude, man.
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ูƒู†ุง ู…ูุนุฌุจูŠู† ุจู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุดุงุจ .
06:22
He was cool. He was fine.
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ู„ุทูŠูุง ูˆุธุฑูŠูุง .
06:25
That's what the sisters said, "He was fine."
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ุฐู„ูƒ ู…ุง ู‚ุงู„ุชู‡ ุงู„ุจู†ุงุช ุŒ " ูƒุงู† ุฌุฐุงุจ ."
06:28
He was having sex.
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ูƒุงู† ูŠู…ุงุฑุณ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ .
06:30
We all looked up to him.
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ูƒู†ุง ุฌู…ูŠุนุงู‹ ู†ุชุทู„ุน ู„ู‡ .
06:32
So one day, I'm out in front of the house doing something --
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ู„ุฐุง ููŠ ุฃุญุฏ ุงู„ุฃูŠุงู… ุŒ ูƒู†ุช ุฎุงุฑุฌ ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„ ุฃูุนู„ ุดูŠุฆ ู…ุง --
06:34
just playing around, doing something -- I don't know what.
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ุฃู„ุนุจ ุŒ ูˆุฃูุนู„ ุดูŠุฆ ู…ุง -- ู„ุง ุฃุชุฐูƒุฑู‡ .
06:37
He looks out his window; he calls me upstairs; he said, "Hey Anthony."
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ู†ุธุฑ ู…ู† ู†ุงูุฐุฉ ุจูŠุชู‡ ุŒ ูˆุทู„ุจ ู…ู†ูŠ ุงู„ุตุนูˆุฏ ู„ุฃุนู„ู‰ ุŒ ู„ู‚ุฏ ู‚ุงู„ ุŒ " ูŠุง ุฃู†ุชูˆู†ูŠ ."
06:39
They called me Anthony growing up as a kid.
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ู†ุงุฏูˆู†ูŠ ุจุฃู†ุชูˆู†ูŠ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ุตุบูŠุฑุงู‹ .
06:41
"Hey Anthony, come on upstairs."
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"ูŠุง ุฃู†ุชูˆู†ูŠ ุŒ ุชุนุงู„ ููŠ ุงู„ุทุงุจู‚ ุงู„ุนู„ูˆูŠ ."
06:43
Johnny call, you go.
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ุญูŠู†ู…ุง ู†ุงุฏุงู†ู‰ ุฌูˆู†ูŠ ุŒ ูŠุฌุจ ุฃู† ุชุฌูŠุจ .
06:45
So I run right upstairs.
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ู„ุฐุง ู‡ุฑูˆู„ุช ู„ุฃุนู„ู‰ .
06:47
As he opens the door, he says to me, "Do you want some?"
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูุชุญ ุงู„ุจุงุจ ุŒ ู‚ุงู„ ู„ูŠ ุŒ " ู‡ู„ ุชุฑูŠุฏ ุจุนุถ ู…ู† ู‡ุฐุง ุŸ "
06:50
Now I immediately knew what he meant.
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ูˆุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ููˆุฑ ุนุฑูุช ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู‚ุตุฏู‡ .
06:52
Because for me growing up at that time,
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ู„ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ูƒู†ุช ู‚ุฏ ูƒุจุฑุช ููŠ ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ุŒ
06:54
and our relationship with this man box,
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ูˆุฃุฒุฏุงุฏุช ุนู„ุงู‚ุชู†ุง ู…ุน ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ ู‡ุฐุง ุŒ
06:56
"Do you want some?" meant one of two things:
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ู‡ู„ ุชุฑูŠุฏ ุจุนุถ ู…ู† ู‡ุฐุง ุชุนู†ูŠ ูˆุงุญุฏ ุฃูˆ ุฅุซู†ูŠู† ุŒ
06:58
sex or drugs --
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ู…ู…ุงุฑุณุฉ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ ุฃูˆ ุงู„ู…ุฎุฏุฑุงุช --
07:00
and we weren't doing drugs.
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ูˆู„ู… ู†ูƒู† ู†ุชุนุงุทู‰ ุงู„ู…ุฎุฏุฑุงุช .
07:02
Now my box, my card,
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ุงู„ุขู† ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ูŠ ุŒ ูˆุจุทุงู‚ุชูŠ ุŒ
07:04
my man box card,
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ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ ุงู„ุดุฎุต ุŒ
07:06
was immediately in jeopardy.
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ูู‰ ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ู„ุญุธุฉ ูƒุงู†ุช ู…ุญู„ ุฅุฎุชุจุงุฑ .
07:08
Two things: One, I never had sex.
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ุดูŠุฆุงู† : ุฃูˆู„ุงู‹ ุŒ ุฃู†ุง ู„ู… ุฃู…ุงุฑุณ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„ .
07:11
We don't talk about that as men.
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ู„ุง ู†ุชุญุฏุซ ุนู† ุฐู„ูƒ ูƒุฑุฌุงู„ .
07:13
You only tell your dearest, closest friend, sworn to secrecy for life,
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ูุฃู†ุช ุชูุฎุจุฑ ูู‚ุท ุฃู‚ุฑุจ ูˆุฃุนุฒ ุฃุตุฏู‚ุงุฆูƒ ุŒ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุชูƒุชู… ุนู„ู‰ ุฃุณุฑุงุฑ ุงู„ุญูŠุงุฉ ุŒ
07:16
the first time you had sex.
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ุจุฃูˆู„ ู…ุฑุฉ ุชู…ุงุฑุณ ููŠู‡ุง ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ .
07:18
For everybody else, we go around like we've been having sex since we were two.
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ูˆู„ู„ุขุฎุฑูŠู† ุŒ ูุฃู†ุช ุชุชุฏุนูŠ ุฃู†ูƒ ุชู…ุงุฑูŠ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ ู…ู†ุฐ ุฃู† ูƒุงู† ุนู…ุฑูƒ ุนุงู…ูŠู† .
07:21
There ain't no first time.
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ูˆู„ุง ุชูˆุฌุฏ ู…ุฑุฉ ุฃูˆู„ู‰ .
07:23
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
07:26
The other thing I couldn't tell him is that I didn't want any.
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ุงู„ุดุฆ ุงู„ุขุฎุฑ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู„ู… ุฃุณุชุทุน ุงู„ุฅูุตุงุญ ุนู†ู‡ ู‡ูˆ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู„ู… ุฃุฑุฏ ู…ู…ุงุฑุณุฉ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ .
07:28
That's even worse. We're supposed to always be on the prowl.
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ูˆูƒุงู† ุฐู„ูƒ ุฃุณูˆุฃ . ุญูŠุซ ูŠูุชุฑุถ ุฃู†ู†ุง ุฏุงุฆู…ุงู‹ ู…ุชุฃู‡ุจูŠู† .
07:31
Women are objects,
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ูุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ุณู„ุน ุŒ
07:33
especially sexual objects.
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ุจุงู„ุชุญุฏูŠุฏ ุณู„ุน ุฌู†ุณูŠุฉ .
07:35
Anyway, so I couldn't tell him any of that.
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ุนู„ู‰ ุฃูŠ ุญุงู„ ุŒ ู„ู… ุงุณุชุทุน ุฅุฎุจุงุฑู‡ ุจุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู„ุง ุฃุฑูŠุฏ ุฐู„ูƒ .
07:37
So, like my mother would say, make a long story short,
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ู„ุฐุง ุŒ ู…ุซู„ู…ุง ุชู‚ูˆู„ ุฃู…ู‰ ุŒ ุฃุฎุชุตุฑ ุงู„ู‚ุตุฉ .
07:39
I just simply said to Johnny, "Yes."
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ู‚ู„ุช ู„ุฌูˆู†ูŠ ุจูƒู„ ุจุณุงุทุฉ " ู†ุนู… . "
07:41
He told me to go in his room.
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ู‚ุงู„ ู„ู‰ ุฃู† ุฃุฐู‡ุจ ู„ุบุฑูุชู‡ .
07:43
I go in his room. On his bed is a girl from the neighborhood named Sheila.
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ูˆุฏุฎู„ุช ู„ุบุฑูุชู‡ . ูˆุนู„ู‰ ูุฑุงุดู‡ ูุชุงุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ุญูŠ ุชุฏุนู‰ ุดูŠู„ุง .
07:46
She's 16 years old.
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ูˆุชุจู„ุบ ู…ู† ุงู„ุนู…ุฑ 16 ุนุงู…ุงู‹ .
07:48
She's nude.
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ูˆู‡ูŠ ุนุงุฑูŠุฉ .
07:50
She's what I know today to be mentally ill,
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ูˆู‡ูŠ ุจู…ุนุงูŠูŠุฑ ุงู„ูŠูˆู… ุชุนุชุจุฑ ู„ูŠุณุช ุณูˆูŠุฉ ู†ูุณูŠุงู‹ ุจู„ ู…ุฑูŠุถุฉ ุŒ
07:52
higher-functioning at times than others.
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ูˆู‡ูŠ ู†ุดุทุฉ ููŠ ุฃูˆู‚ุงุช ุฃูƒุซุฑ ู…ู† ุบูŠุฑู‡ุง .
07:55
We had a whole choice of inappropriate names for her.
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ูˆูƒู†ุง ู†ุทู„ู‚ ุนู„ูŠู‡ุง ู…ุง ูŠุญู„ูˆ ู„ู†ุง ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุณู…ุงุก ุงู„ู…ู‡ูŠู†ุฉ .
07:59
Anyway, Johnny had just gotten through having sex with her.
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ุนู„ู‰ ุฃูŠ ุญุงู„ ุŒ ูƒุงู† ุฌูˆู†ูŠ ู‚ุฏ ู…ุงุฑุณ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ ู…ุนู‡ุง ู„ู„ุชูˆ .
08:02
Well actually, he raped her, but he would say he had sex with her.
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ููŠ ุงู„ูˆุงู‚ุน ุŒ ู‚ุงู… ุจุฅุบุชุตุงุจู‡ุง ุŒ ู„ูƒู†ู‡ ูƒุงู† ูŠู‚ูˆู„ ุฃู†ู‡ ู…ุงุฑุณ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณ ู…ุนู‡ุง .
08:05
Because, while Sheila never said no,
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ุจุณุจุจ ุฃู† ุดูŠู„ุง ู„ู… ุชู‚ู„ " ู„ุง " ู…ุทู„ู‚ุงู‹ ุŒ
08:08
she also never said yes.
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ู„ูƒู†ู‡ุง ุฃูŠุถุงู‹ ู„ู… ุชู‚ู„ "ู†ุนู…" .
08:10
So he was offering me the opportunity to do the same.
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ุฅุฐุงู‹ ูู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ูŠุนุฑุถ ุนู„ูŠู‘ ุงู„ูุฑุตุฉ ู„ุฃูุนู„ ู†ูุณ ุงู„ุดูŠุฆ .
08:12
So when I go in the room, I close the door.
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุฏุฎู„ุช ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ ูˆุฃุบู„ู‚ุช ุงู„ุจุงุจ .
08:15
Folks, I'm petrified.
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ุชุญุฌู‘ุฑุช ู…ูƒุงู†ูŠ ูŠุง ุฑูุงู‚ .
08:17
I stand with my back to the door so Johnny can't bust in the room
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ุฌุนู„ุช ุธู‡ุฑูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุจุงุจ ุญุชู‰ ู„ุง ูŠุณุชุทูŠุน ุฌูˆู†ูŠ ุฏุฎูˆู„ ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ
08:19
and see that I'm not doing anything,
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ูˆูŠุฑู‰ ุฃู†ู†ู‰ ู„ุง ุฃูุนู„ ุดูŠุฆ .
08:21
and I stand there long enough that I could have actually done something.
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ูˆูˆู‚ูุช ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุจู…ุง ูŠูƒููŠ ู…ู† ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ู„ุฃูุนู„ ุดูŠุฆ ููŠ ุงู„ูˆุงู‚ุน .
08:24
So now I'm no longer trying to figure out what I'm going to do;
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ูˆุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ู„ู… ุฃุนุฏ ุฃุญุงูˆู„ ู…ุนุฑูุฉ ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุณุฃูุนู„ู‡ ุŒ
08:26
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of this room.
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ุฃุญุงูˆู„ ู…ุนุฑูุฉ ูƒูŠู ุณุฃุฎุฑุฌ ู…ู† ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ .
08:29
So in my 12 years of wisdom,
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ูˆุจุญูƒู…ุฉ ุทูู„ ุนู…ุฑู‡ 12 ุนุงู…ุงู‹
08:31
I zip my pants down,
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ุฃู†ุฒู„ุช ุณุฑูˆุงู„ูŠ ู„ุฃุณูู„ ุŒ
08:33
I walk out into the room,
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ูˆุฎุฑุฌุช ู…ู† ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ .
08:35
and lo and behold to me,
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ูŠูู„ู…ุญ ู„ูŠ ุŒ
08:37
while I was in the room with Sheila,
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ุจูŠู†ู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ููŠ ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ ู…ุน ุดูŠู„ุง ุŒ
08:39
Johnny was back at the window calling guys up.
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ูƒุงู† ุฌูˆู†ูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ู†ุงูุฐุฉ ูŠู†ุงุฏูŠ ุงู„ุดุจุงุจ ู„ูŠุตุนุฏูˆุง .
08:42
So now there's a living room full of guys.
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ุฅุฐุงู‹ ุงู„ุขู† ู„ุฏูŠู†ุง ุบุฑูุฉ ู…ู„ูŠุฆุฉ ุจุงู„ุดุจุงุจ .
08:44
It was like the waiting room in the doctor's office.
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ูƒุงู†ุช ู…ุซู„ ุบุฑูุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุชุธุงุฑ ููŠ ุงู„ุนูŠุงุฏุฉ ุงู„ุทุจูŠุฉ .
08:47
And they asked me how was it,
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุณุฃู„ูˆู†ูŠ ูƒูŠู ูƒุงู† ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ .
08:49
and I say to them, "It was good,"
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ูู‚ู„ุช ู„ู‡ู… ุŒ " ู„ู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ุฌูŠุฏุงู‹ "
08:52
and I zip my pants up in front of them,
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ุซู… ุฑูุนุช ุณุฑูˆุงู„ูŠ ู„ุฃุนู„ู‰ ุฃู…ุงู…ู‡ู… ุŒ
08:54
and I head for the door.
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ูˆุฅุชุฌู‡ุช ุตูˆุจ ุงู„ุจุงุจ .
08:56
Now I say this all with remorse,
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ุงู„ุขู† ุฃู‚ูˆู„ ู‡ุฐุง ุจูƒู„ ู†ุฏู… ุŒ
08:58
and I was feeling a tremendous amount of remorse at that time,
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ูˆูƒู†ุช ุฃุดุนุฑ ุจู†ุฏู… ุดุฏูŠุฏ ุฌุฏุงู‹ ููŠ ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ุŒ
09:00
but I was conflicted, because, while I was feeling remorse, I was excited,
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ู„ูƒู†ูŠ ูƒู†ุช ู…ุชู†ุงู‚ุถ ุŒ ู„ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุจูŠู†ู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ู†ุงุฏู…ุงู‹ ุŒ ูƒู†ุช ู…ุณุชุซุงุฑุงู‹ ุฃูŠุถุงู‹ ุŒ
09:03
because I didn't get caught.
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ู„ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ู… ูŠุชู… ุงู„ู‚ุจุถ ุนู„ูŠู‘ ุŒ
09:05
But I knew I felt bad about what was happening.
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ู„ูƒู†ูŠ ุฃุนุฑู ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุฃุดุนุฑ ุจุงุณุชูŠุงุก ู…ู…ุง ูƒุงู† ูŠุญุฏุซ
09:07
This fear, getting outside the man box,
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ูˆุฎุฑุฌ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฎูˆู ู…ู† ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ
09:10
totally enveloped me.
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ูˆุบุทุงู†ูŠ ุจุตูˆุฑุฉ ูƒุงู…ู„ุฉ .
09:12
It was way more important to me,
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ ู‡ุงู… ุฌุฏุงู‹ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠ ุŒ
09:14
about me and my man box card
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ุชุฌุงู‡ ู†ูุณูŠ ูˆุจุทุงู‚ุฉ ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ
09:17
than about Sheila
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ู…ู…ุง ูƒุงู† ุนู† ุดูŠู„ุง
09:19
and what was happening to her.
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ูˆู…ุง ูƒุงู† ูŠุญุฏุซ ู„ู‡ุง .
09:21
See collectively, we as men
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ู„ุฐุง ูู†ุญู† ูƒุฑุฌุงู„ ุจุตูˆุฑุฉ ุฌู…ุงุนูŠุฉ
09:23
are taught to have less value in women,
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ุชู… ุชุนู„ูŠู…ู†ุง ุฃู† ู†ู‚ู„ู„ ู…ู† ู‚ูŠู…ุฉ ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ุŒ
09:25
to view them as property and the objects of men.
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ู„ู†ุฑุงู‡ู… ูƒู…ู„ูƒูŠุฉ ูˆุจุถุงุฆุน ู„ู„ุฑุฌุงู„ .
09:28
We see that as an equation that equals violence against women.
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ู†ุญู† ู†ุฑู‰ ุฐู„ูƒ ูƒู…ุนุงุฏู„ุฉ ุชุณุงูˆูŠ ุงู„ุนู†ู ุถุฏ ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก .
09:31
We as men, good men,
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ู†ุญู† ูƒุฑุฌุงู„ ุŒ ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ุงู„ุทูŠุจูˆู† ุŒ
09:33
the large majority of men,
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ุงู„ุบุงู„ุจูŠุฉ ุงู„ุนุธู…ู‰ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ุŒ
09:35
we operate on the foundation
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ู†ุญู† ู†ุนู…ู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุฃุณุงุณ
09:37
of this whole collective socialization.
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ู…ุจู†ูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุชู†ุดุฆุฉ ุงู„ุฅุฌุชู…ุงุนูŠุฉ ูƒูƒู„ .
09:39
We kind of see ourselves separate, but we're very much a part of it.
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ู†ุญู† ู†ุฑู‰ ุฃู†ูุณู†ุง ู…ู†ูุตู„ูŠู† ุŒ ู„ูƒู†ู†ุง ุฌุฒุก ูƒุจูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุฐู„ูƒ .
09:42
You see, we have to come to understand
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ูƒู…ุง ุชุฑูˆู† ุŒ ูŠู†ุจุบูŠ ุฃู† ู†ุชูˆุตู„ ู„ูู‡ู…
09:45
that less value, property and objectification is the foundation
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ุฃู† ุชู‚ู„ูŠู„ ุงู„ู‚ูŠู…ุฉ ูˆุงู„ุชุณู„ูŠุน ูˆุงู„ู†ุธุฑุฉ ุงู„ู…ุงุฏูŠุฉ ู‡ู‰ ุงู„ุฃุณุงุณ
09:48
and the violence can't happen without it.
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ุนู†ู ู„ู† ูŠุญุฏุซ ุจุฏูˆู† ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ูู‡ู… ุงู„ู…ุบู„ูˆุท .
09:50
So we're very much a part of the solution
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ู„ุฐุง ูู†ุญู† ุฅู„ู‰ ุญุฏ ูƒุจูŠุฑ ุฌุฒุก ู…ู† ุงู„ุญู„
09:53
as well as the problem.
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ูˆููŠ ู†ูุณ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ุงู„ู…ุดูƒู„ุฉ .
09:55
The center for disease control says
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ูŠู‚ูˆู„ ู…ุฑูƒุฒ ู…ูƒุงูุญุฉ ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑุงุถ CDC ุจุฃุชู„ุงู†ู†ุชุง
09:57
that men's violence against women is at epidemic proportions,
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ุฃู† ุนู†ู ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ูˆุตู„ ู„ู…ุนุฏู„ุงุช ุงู„ูˆุจุงุก ุŒ
10:00
is the number one health concern for women
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ู‡ู‰ ู…ุณุฃู„ุฉ ุชุฃุชู‰ ูู‰ ุงู„ู…ู‚ุงู… ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ ู„ุฅู‡ุชู…ุงู…ุงุช ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก
10:02
in this country and abroad.
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ููŠ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุจู„ุฏ ูˆุฎุงุฑุฌู‡ .
10:04
So quickly, I'd like to just say,
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ู„ุฐุง ูˆุจุณุฑุนุฉ ุŒ ุฃุฑูŠุฏ ุฃู† ุฃู‚ูˆู„ ุŒ
10:07
this is the love of my life, my daughter Jay.
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ู‡ุง ู‡ูŠ ุญูุจ ุญูŠุงุชูŠ ุŒ ุฅุจู†ุชูŠ ุฌุงูŠ .
10:10
The world I envision for her --
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ุงู„ุนุงู„ู… ุงู„ุฐู‰ ุฃุฑุงู‡ ู„ู‡ุง ุŒ
10:12
how do I want men to be acting and behaving?
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ูƒูŠู ุฃุฑุบุจ ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ุณู„ูˆูƒ ุงู„ุฑุฌุงู„ ูˆุชุตุฑูุงุชู‡ู… ุŸ
10:14
I need you on board. I need you with me.
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ุฃุฑูŠุฏูƒู… ูู‰ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ุดูƒู„ุฉ . ุฃุญุชุงุฌูƒู… ู…ุนูŠ .
10:16
I need you working with me and me working with you
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ุฃุฑูŠุฏ ู…ู†ูƒู… ุฃู† ุชุนู…ู„ูˆุง ู…ุนูŠ ูˆุฃุนู…ู„ ู…ุนูƒู…
10:19
on how we raise our sons
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ุญูˆู„ ูƒูŠููŠุฉ ุชู†ุดุฆุฉ ุฃุจู†ุงุฆู†ุง
10:21
and teach them to be men --
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ูˆุชุนู„ูŠู…ู‡ู… ูƒูŠู ุฃู† ูŠุตุจุญูˆุง ุฑุฌุงู„ุงู‹ --
10:23
that it's okay to not be dominating,
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ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ุง ุจุฃุณ ู…ู† ุฃู† ู„ุง ุชูƒูˆู† ู…ุณูŠุทุฑุงู‹ ุŒ
10:25
that it's okay to have feelings and emotions,
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ูˆู„ุง ุจุฃุณ ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ู„ุฏูŠูƒ ุฃุญุงุณูŠุณ ูˆู…ุดุงุนุฑ ุŒ
10:28
that it's okay to promote equality,
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ูˆู„ุง ุจุฃุณ ู…ู† ุงู„ุชุฑูˆูŠุฌ ู„ู„ู…ุณุงูˆุงุฉ ุŒ
10:30
that it's okay to have women who are just friends and that's it,
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ูˆู„ุง ุจุฃุณ ุฃู† ุชูƒูˆู† ู„ูƒ ู†ุณุงุก ู…ุฌุฑุฏ ุฃุตุฏู‚ุงุก ูู‚ุท ุŒ
10:33
that it's okay to be whole,
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ูˆุฃู†ู‡ ู„ุง ุจุฃุณ ุฃู† ู„ุง ู†ูƒูˆู† ู…ุงุฏูŠูŠู† ุŒ
10:35
that my liberation as a man
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ู‡ุฐุง ู‡ูˆ ุชุญุฑุฑูŠ ูƒุฑุฌู„
10:38
is tied to your liberation as a woman. (Applause)
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ู…ุฑุชุจุท ุจุชุญุฑุฑูƒ ูƒุฅู…ุฑุฃุฉ .
10:41
I remember asking a nine-year-old boy,
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ุฃุชุฐูƒุฑ ุณุคุงู„ ุทูู„ ุนู…ุฑู‡ 9 ุณู†ูˆุงุช .
10:44
I asked a nine-year-old boy,
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ุณุฃู„ุชู‡ ุŒ
10:47
"What would life be like for you,
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" ูƒูŠู ุณุชูƒูˆู† ุงู„ุญูŠุงุฉ ู…ุนูƒ ุŒ
10:49
if you didn't have to adhere to this man box?"
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ุฅุฐุง ู„ู… ุชู„ุชุฒู… ุจู…ุง ููŠ ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุฑุฌูˆู„ุฉ ู‡ุฐุง ุŸ "
10:51
He said to me, "I would be free."
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ู‚ุงู„ ู„ูŠ : " ุณุฃุบุฏูˆ ุญูุฑุงู‹ ."
10:53
Thank you folks.
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ุดูƒุฑุงู‹ ู„ูƒู… ูŠุง ุฑูุงู‚ .
10:55
(Applause)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)

Original video on YouTube.com
ุญูˆู„ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน

ุณูŠู‚ุฏู… ู„ูƒ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน ู…ู‚ุงุทุน ููŠุฏูŠูˆ YouTube ุงู„ู…ููŠุฏุฉ ู„ุชุนู„ู… ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ. ุณุชุฑู‰ ุฏุฑูˆุณ ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุชู… ุชุฏุฑูŠุณู‡ุง ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„ ู…ุฏุฑุณูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ุฏุฑุฌุฉ ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ู‰ ู…ู† ุฌู…ูŠุน ุฃู†ุญุงุก ุงู„ุนุงู„ู…. ุงู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ู…ุนุฑูˆุถุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ูƒู„ ุตูุญุฉ ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู…ู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ. ูŠุชู… ุชู…ุฑูŠุฑ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุงุช ุจุงู„ุชุฒุงู…ู† ู…ุน ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ. ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠูƒ ุฃูŠ ุชุนู„ูŠู‚ุงุช ุฃูˆ ุทู„ุจุงุช ุŒ ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ุจู†ุง ุจุงุณุชุฎุฏุงู… ู†ู…ูˆุฐุฌ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ู‡ุฐุง.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7