A call to men | Tony Porter

譯者: KJ LEE 審譯者: Shelley Krishna Tsang

I grew up in New York City,

我在紐約市長大

between Harlem and the Bronx.

哈林區跟布朗克斯區中間

Growing up as a boy, we were taught

在兒童時期我們就被教導

that men had to be tough, had to be strong,

男人一定要堅強, 一定要強壯

had to be courageous, dominating --

一定要很有勇氣,是統治的

no pain, no emotions,

沒有痛覺, 沒有情感

with the exception of anger --

憤怒除外--

and definitely no fear;

恐懼那是絕對不能有的--

that men are in charge,

男人就該主導一切

which means women are not;

就是說女人不是這樣的

that men lead,

男人領導

and you should just follow and do what we say;

而你們就應該追隨並且臣服

that men are superior; women are inferior;

男人是上等的, 而女人是次等的

that men are strong; women are weak;

男人是強壯的, 而女人是軟弱的

that women are of less value,

女人沒什麼價值--

property of men,

是男人的財產--

and objects,

及附屬物品

particularly sexual objects.

尤其是性玩物

I've later come to know that to be

我後來慢慢瞭解那就是

the collective socialization of men,

男人的集體社會化進程

better known

又被稱為

as the "man box."

"男人的箱子"

See this man box has in it

這個男人的箱子擁有

all the ingredients

所有的要素-

of how we define what it means to be a man.

我們如何定義對於男人是什麼

Now I also want to say, without a doubt,

現在我同樣要說,毫無疑問地說

there are some wonderful, wonderful,

這裏有很多很好很好,

absolutely wonderful things

實在很好的事情,

about being a man.

去做一個男人

But at the same time,

但是同時

there's some stuff

也有一些是

that's just straight up twisted,

就是真的很古怪

and we really need to begin

我們必須開始

to challenge, look at it

去挑戰它, 審視它

and really get in the process

並且真正地去

of deconstructing, redefining,

摧毀並重塑

what we come to know as manhood.

我們稱為男子氣概的這個東西

This is my two at home, Kendall and Jay.

這是我的兩個小孩, Kendall跟Jay

They're 11 and 12.

他們一個11歲一個12歲

Kendall's 15 months older than Jay.

Kendall比Jay大了15個月

There was a period of time when my wife -- her name is Tammie -- and I,

過去我和我的太太Tammie有一段時間

we just got real busy and whip, bam, boom:

我們就在房間裡忙活, 然後咻咻

Kendall and Jay.

Kendall跟Jay就出生了

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And when they were about five and six,

到了他們大約五歲跟六歲的時候

four and five,

或四歲五歲

Jay could come to me,

Jay可以來找我

come to me crying.

哭著來找我

It didn't matter what she was crying about,

不管她為什麼哭

she could get on my knee, she could snot my sleeve up,

她都可以坐在我的膝蓋上, 把鼻涕弄得我袖子上到處都是

just cry, cry it out.

就是哭, 哭完就好了

Daddy's got you. That's all that's important.

爸爸在這裡. 這才是全部, 這才是最重要的.

Now Kendall on the other hand --

那Kendall就不一樣了

and like I said, he's only 15 months older than her --

就像我說的, 他只比她大了15個月

he'd come to me crying,

在他哭著來找我的時候

it's like as soon as I would hear him cry,

似乎是我一聽到他哭

a clock would go off.

一塊碼表就開始計時

I would give the boy probably about 30 seconds,

我大概會給他30秒左右

which means, by the time he got to me,

就是說,當他走近我的時候

I was already saying things like, "Why are you crying?

我已經會告訴他:"你在哭什麼?"

Hold your head up. Look at me.

把頭抬高!看著我!

Explain to me what's wrong.

解釋給我聽出了什麼問題

Tell me what's wrong. I can't understand you.

告訴我發生什麼事了? 我聽不懂你在說什麼

Why are you crying?"

你在哭什麼?

And out of my own frustration

然後出於對我自己的挫敗感

of my role and responsibility

我的角色和我的責任

of building him up as a man

來把他打造成一個男人

to fit into these guidelines

來迎合這些準則

and these structures that are defining this man box,

和這些構造——那些男人的盒子界定的東西

I would find myself saying things like,

我會發現我會說這樣的事情

"Just go in your room.

"只管進你的房間

Just go on, go on in your room.

去你的房間

Sit down,

坐下

get yourself together

使你自己平靜下來

and come back and talk to me

然後回來對我說

when you can talk to me like a --" what?

但你可以對我說話的時候像個—" 什麼

(Audience: Man.)

（觀眾:男人)

Like a man.

"像一個男人"

And he's five years old.

他那時是五歲

And as I grow in life,

當我在生活生長大的時候

I would say to myself,

我會對自己說

"My God, what's wrong with me?

"天呐,我出了什麼問題？"

What am I doing? Why would I do this?"

我在做什麼?我為什麼要這麼做?"

And I think back.

當我回想起

I think back to my father.

當我回想起我的父親

There was a time in my life

我的一生中有這麼一段時間

where we had a very troubled experience in our family.

我們的家庭有段非常混亂的經歷

My brother, Henry, he died tragically

我的兄弟Henry，死得非常悲慘

when we were teenagers.

當我們都是少年的時候

We lived in New York City, as I said.

我們住在紐約市,我剛剛說過

We lived in the Bronx at the time,

我們當時住在布朗克斯區

and the burial was in a place called Long Island,

葬禮在一個名叫Long Island的地方舉行

it was about two hours outside of the city.

那個地方在城市外,大概需要兩個小時的車程

And as we were preparing

當我們準備

to come back from the burial,

從葬禮回來的時候

the cars stopped at the bathroom

車停在了一個盥洗室(廁所)

to let folks take care of themselves

讓親屬們解決自己的問題

before the long ride back to the city.

在到城市的很長的一段路程之前

And the limousine empties out.

轎車中沒有人了

My mother, my sister, my auntie, they all get out,

我的媽媽,姐姐,還有伯母,都出去了

but my father and I stayed in the limousine,

但是我的爸爸和我還在轎車中

and no sooner than the women got out,

在這些女人們出去沒多久

he burst out crying.

他開始哭了

He didn't want cry in front of me,

他不想在我的面前哭

but he knew he wasn't going to make it back to the city,

但是他知道他在回到城市不能堅持住

and it was better me than to allow himself

在我面前表達這些感覺和情感比在

to express these feelings and emotions in front of the women.

那些女人面前要好

And this is a man

這是一個男人

who, 10 minutes ago,

十分鐘前

had just put his teenage son

剛剛把他的還未成年的兒子放入了

in the ground --

土地裏

something I just can't even imagine.

有一些事情我是無法想像的

The thing that sticks with me the most

深深插入我的內心的那些事情

is that he was apologizing to me

是他向我道歉

for crying in front of me,

為在我面前哭泣

and at the same time, he was also giving me props,

與此同時,他也安慰我

lifting me up,

讓我振作起來

for not crying.

不哭泣

I come to also look at this

我也將這個看作

as this fear that we have as men,

作為一個男人而擁有的恐懼

this fear that just has us paralyzed,

讓我們麻木的這種恐懼情緒，

holding us hostage

是我們成為

to this man box.

束縛男人的人質

I can remember speaking

我記起一次談話

to a 12-year-old boy, a football player,

和一個12歲的男孩,一個足球運動員

and I asked him, I said,

我問他,我說,

"How would you feel if,

“你會怎麼也想,如果

in front of all the players,

在所有的運動員面前

your coach told you you were playing like a girl?"

你的教練說你踢球踢得像一個女孩？”

Now I expected him to say something like,

我期待他說出這樣的話

I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that.

我會感覺傷心,感覺瘋狂,感覺生氣,或類似的事情

No, the boy said to me --

不過,這個男孩這樣對我說--

the boy said to me,

這個男孩這樣對我說

"It would destroy me."

"這會毀了我."

And I said to myself,

之後我對自己說

"God, if it would destroy him

"天呐,如果這樣會毀了他 —

to be called a girl,

— 被叫做一個女孩,

what are we then teaching him

我們之後要怎麼樣教育他

about girls?"

關於女孩?“

(Applause)

(掌聲)

It took me back to a time

這使我會想到一段時期

when I was about 12 years old.

在我大概12歲的時候

I grew up in tenement buildings in the inner city.

我在城內的貧民區長大

At this time we're living in the Bronx,

這段時期我們生活在布朗克斯區

and in the building next to where I lived there was a guy named Johnny.

在我住的地方鍍金有一個叫做Johnny的人

He was about 16 years old,

他大概16歲

and we were all about 12 years old -- younger guys.

我們都是些12歲或更年輕的孩子

And he was hanging out with all us younger guys.

他和我們年輕的男孩在一起

And this guy, he was up to a lot of no good.

他品行不正

He was the kind of kid who parents would have to wonder,

他是那種父母們一定會擔心的孩子

"What is this 16-year-old boy doing with these 12-year-old boys?"

"16歲的男孩和12歲的男孩會做些什麼?"

And he did spend a lot of time up to no good.

他做了很多壞事

He was a troubled kid.

它是一個很麻煩的男孩

His mother had died from a heroin overdose.

他的媽媽死于過量吸食海洛因(一種毒品)

He was being raised by his grandmother.

他由他的祖母帶著長大

His father wasn't on the set.

他父親管不了他

His grandmother had two jobs.

他的祖母有兩個工作

He was home alone a lot.

他經常獨自在家

But I've got to tell you, we young guys,

但是我一定要告訴你,我們這些小男孩

we looked up to this dude, man.

我們看高這個傢伙.

He was cool. He was fine.

他很酷.他很好.

That's what the sisters said, "He was fine."

他是那些女孩們說的,"他不錯"

He was having sex.

他咻咻.

We all looked up to him.

我們都看高他.

So one day, I'm out in front of the house doing something --

有一天,我在我們的房子外面做些事情 —

just playing around, doing something -- I don't know what.

只是在那裏玩,做些事情—我不知道那是什麼

He looks out his window; he calls me upstairs; he said, "Hey Anthony."

他從他的窗戶探出頭來,他叫我上樓,他說,”嘿,Anthony"

They called me Anthony growing up as a kid.

我是被他們叫著Anthony長大的

"Hey Anthony, come on upstairs."

"嘿,Anthony,上樓來."

Johnny call, you go.

Johnny 叫,你就要去.

So I run right upstairs.

所以我很快的上樓去.

As he opens the door, he says to me, "Do you want some?"

當他開門的時候,他對我說,“你想要一些嗎?”

Now I immediately knew what he meant.

當時我很快明白了他想說什麼.

Because for me growing up at that time,

我成長的那個時候

and our relationship with this man box,

我們對這個男人的盒子有認識的人

"Do you want some?" meant one of two things:

"你想要一些嗎"意味著兩件事中的其中一件

sex or drugs --

性 或者毒品 --

and we weren't doing drugs.

我們不吸毒.

Now my box, my card,

現在我的盒子,其中的內容物

my man box card,

我的盒子的內容物

was immediately in jeopardy.

立刻感到威脅.

Two things: One, I never had sex.

兩件事:一,我從未咻咻

We don't talk about that as men.

我們作為男人不談論這些.

You only tell your dearest, closest friend, sworn to secrecy for life,

你會和你最親愛的，最要好的朋友發誓保守這秘密

the first time you had sex.

才談起你的第一次性體驗.

For everybody else, we go around like we've been having sex since we were two.

對於其他人,我們走起來好像我們2歲的時候就已經做愛的

There ain't no first time.

這裏沒有第一次.

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

The other thing I couldn't tell him is that I didn't want any.

另一件事是我不能告訴他我一點也不想.

That's even worse. We're supposed to always be on the prowl.

那樣更糟. 我們應該總是在徘徊.

Women are objects,

女人們只是玩物,

especially sexual objects.

尤其是性玩物.

Anyway, so I couldn't tell him any of that.

不管怎樣,我不能告訴他這些.

So, like my mother would say, make a long story short,

所以,正如我的媽媽會說,簡而言之

I just simply said to Johnny, "Yes."

我只是對Johnny說,“是的."

He told me to go in his room.

他告訴我進去他的房間

I go in his room. On his bed is a girl from the neighborhood named Sheila.

我走進他的房間.在他的床上有一個鄰家女孩名叫Sheila.

She's 16 years old.

她是16歲.

She's nude.

她是赤裸的.

She's what I know today to be mentally ill,

她是我現在才知道的所謂精神疾病患者,

higher-functioning at times than others.

和其他人相比她有時不正常.

We had a whole choice of inappropriate names for her.

我們也有許多數不清的外號取笑她.

Anyway, Johnny had just gotten through having sex with her.

不管怎樣,Johnny 剛剛和她做愛.

Well actually, he raped her, but he would say he had sex with her.

或者說,他強姦了她,但是他會說他和他做愛.

Because, while Sheila never said no,

因為,Sheila從來不說不可以,

she also never said yes.

她也從來不說可以.

So he was offering me the opportunity to do the same.

所以他給我做相同事情的機會.

So when I go in the room, I close the door.

當我走進那個房間,我關上門.

Folks, I'm petrified.

人們啊,我呆住了.

I stand with my back to the door so Johnny can't bust in the room

我靠著門,這樣Johnny 就不能突然沖進房間

and see that I'm not doing anything,

並且看到我什麼都沒幹.

and I stand there long enough that I could have actually done something.

我站在那裏很久以示我可以做一些事情.

So now I'm no longer trying to figure out what I'm going to do;

所以現在我不知道我將要做什麼,

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of this room.

我正在努力去想辦法如何離開這個房間.

So in my 12 years of wisdom,

我用我12年的智慧,

I zip my pants down,

我把我的褲子拉開脫下來,

I walk out into the room,

我從房間裏走出來.

and lo and behold to me,

他們注視我,

while I was in the room with Sheila,

當我進房間和Sheila一起的時候,

Johnny was back at the window calling guys up.

Johnny 回到窗戶那裏叫男孩們上來.

So now there's a living room full of guys.

現在起居室充滿了男孩.

It was like the waiting room in the doctor's office.

就好像醫生辦公室的等待間一樣.

And they asked me how was it,

他們問我怎麼樣.

and I say to them, "It was good,"

我告訴他們,"不錯."

and I zip my pants up in front of them,

我在他們面前拉起了褲子,

and I head for the door.

我衝向門口.

Now I say this all with remorse,

現在我悔恨地說著這些,

and I was feeling a tremendous amount of remorse at that time,

那時我也感受到一股巨大的遺憾,

but I was conflicted, because, while I was feeling remorse, I was excited,

但是我很矛盾,因為,當我感到悔恨的時候,我很興奮,

because I didn't get caught.

因為我沒有被發現(作假),

But I knew I felt bad about what was happening.

但是我知道我對發生的事情感覺很不好.

This fear, getting outside the man box,

從男人的盒子中出來的恐懼

totally enveloped me.

完全把我包住了.

It was way more important to me,

這對我來說更重要,

about me and my man box card

男人的盒子中的內容

than about Sheila

比Sheila

and what was happening to her.

以及在她身上將要發生的事情.

See collectively, we as men

總括說,我們作為男人

are taught to have less value in women,

被教育認為女人的價值較少,

to view them as property and the objects of men.

看待她們是男人的財富和玩物.

We see that as an equation that equals violence against women.

我們把這看成一個方程,等於對女人的暴力

We as men, good men,

我們作為男人,好的男人,

the large majority of men,

大部分的男人,

we operate on the foundation

我們在建構

of this whole collective socialization.

整個集體社會.

We kind of see ourselves separate, but we're very much a part of it.

我們自認為我們是批次分開的,但我們在其中也是一體.

You see, we have to come to understand

我們要理解

that less value, property and objectification is the foundation

價值小,象徵財富和性玩物的女人也是社會的一體

and the violence can't happen without it.

而且,停止暴力也離不開這種認同感.

So we're very much a part of the solution

所以我們是這解決方案的一部分

as well as the problem.

像這個問題一樣

The center for disease control says

疾病預防控制中心說，

that men's violence against women is at epidemic proportions,

從流行病的程度看，男人對女人的暴力,

is the number one health concern for women

對女人的健康來說是首要重要的事情

in this country and abroad.

不管在國內還是國外.

So quickly, I'd like to just say,

簡而言之,我想說

this is the love of my life, my daughter Jay.

這是我生命中的至愛,我的女兒Jay

The world I envision for her --

我為她設想的世界

how do I want men to be acting and behaving?

我希望男人應該如何表現?

I need you on board. I need you with me.

我需要你們同在. 我需要你們和我一起.

I need you working with me and me working with you

我希望你們和我一起工作以及我和你們一起工作

on how we raise our sons

在如何培養我們 的兒子上

and teach them to be men --

以及教育他們成長為男人 --

that it's okay to not be dominating,

不控制一切是可以的,

that it's okay to have feelings and emotions,

擁有感覺和情緒是可以的,

that it's okay to promote equality,

促進男女平等是可以的,

that it's okay to have women who are just friends and that's it,

和女人只是成為朋友是可以的,

that it's okay to be whole,

男人和女人是一體的,

that my liberation as a man

我作為一個男人的自由

is tied to your liberation as a woman. (Applause)

也給予你們作為女人的自由.

I remember asking a nine-year-old boy,

我記得問一個九歲的男孩,

I asked a nine-year-old boy,

我問一個九歲的男孩

"What would life be like for you,

生活對你來說會成為什麼樣?

if you didn't have to adhere to this man box?"

如果你不用一定擁有這個男人的盒子?

He said to me, "I would be free."

他告訴我說,“我將會自由.”

Thank you folks.

謝謝你們.

(Applause)

（掌聲）