Why domestic violence victims don't leave | Leslie Morgan Steiner | TED

4,574,548 views ・ 2013-01-25

TED


μ•„λž˜ μ˜λ¬Έμžλ§‰μ„ λ”λΈ”ν΄λ¦­ν•˜μ‹œλ©΄ μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.

00:00
Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast
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λ²ˆμ—­: Gichung Lee κ²€ν† : Han Jungran
00:15
I'm here today to talk about a disturbing question,
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μ €λŠ” 였늘 μ‹¬λž€ν•œ λ¬Έμ œμ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜κ³ μž μ΄μžλ¦¬μ— λ‚˜μ™”λŠ”λ°μš”,
00:19
which has an equally disturbing answer.
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κ·Έ λ‹΅ λ˜ν•œ 맀우 μ‹¬λž€ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:22
My topic is the secrets of domestic violence,
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제 μ£Όμ œλŠ” κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯의 비밀이고,
00:26
and the question I'm going to tackle
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μ œκ°€ ν•˜λ €λŠ” μ§ˆλ¬Έμ€,
00:28
is the one question everyone always asks:
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λͺ¨λ‘κ°€ 항상 λ¬»λŠ” ν•œκ°€μ§€ μ§ˆλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€:
00:32
Why does she stay?
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μ™œ ν”Όν•΄μžλŠ” κ°€ν•΄μžλ₯Ό λ– λ‚˜μ§€ μ•Šμ„κΉŒμš”?
00:34
Why would anyone stay with a man who beats her?
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그듀은 μ™œ μžμ‹ μ„ ν­ν–‰ν•˜λŠ” λ‚¨μž 곁에 머무λ₯ΌκΉŒμš”?
00:38
I'm not a psychiatrist, a social worker
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μ €λŠ” μ •μ‹ κ³Ό μ˜μ‚¬λ„, μ‚¬νšŒλ³΅μ§€μ‚¬λ„ μ•„λ‹™λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:41
or an expert in domestic violence.
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κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯에 λŒ€ν•œ 전문가도 μ•„λ‹™λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:43
I'm just one woman with a story to tell.
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έμ € λ“€λ €λ“œλ¦΄ 이야기가 μžˆλŠ” ν•œ μ—¬μ„±μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:47
I was 22. I had just graduated from Harvard College.
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μ €λŠ” ν•˜λ²„λ“œλŒ€ν•™κ΅λ₯Ό κ°“ μ‘Έμ—…ν•œ 22μ‚΄μ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:51
I had moved to New York City for my first job
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μ €λŠ” μ €μ˜ 첫 직μž₯이 μžˆλŠ” λ‰΄μš•μœΌλ‘œ μ΄μ‚¬ν–ˆλŠ”λ°
00:54
as a writer and editor at Seventeen magazine.
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λ‹Ήμ‹œ μ €λŠ” "세븐틴" λ§€κ±°μ§„μ˜ μž‘κ°€μ΄μž νŽΈμ§‘μžμ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:57
I had my first apartment,
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μ €λŠ” 첫 μ•„νŒŒνŠΈκ°€ 생겼고,
00:59
my first little green American Express card,
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처음으둜 μž‘μ€ μ΄ˆλ‘μƒ‰ 아메리칸 μ΅μŠ€ν”„λ ˆμŠ€ μΉ΄λ“œ (μ‹ μš©μΉ΄λ“œ)λ₯Ό κ°€μ§€κ²Œ λ˜μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:02
and I had a very big secret.
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그리고 저에겐 μ•„μ£Ό 큰 비밀이 ν•˜λ‚˜ μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:05
My secret was that I had this gun
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κ·Έ 비밀은 λ°”λ‘œ 이 총이
01:09
loaded with hollow-point bullets pointed at my head
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ν• λ‘œμš° 포인트 νƒ„ν™˜μ΄ μž₯착된 채 제 머리λ₯Ό κ²¨λˆ„μ—ˆλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:12
by the man who I thought was my soulmate,
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그것도 μ œκ°€ 정신적 λ™λ°˜μžλΌκ³  μƒκ°ν–ˆλ˜ λ‚¨μžμ— μ˜ν•΄ 말이죠,
01:15
many, many times.
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그것도 μ•„μ£Ό μ—¬λŸ¬λ²ˆμ„μš”.
01:18
The man who I loved more than anybody on Earth
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μ œκ°€ 이 세상 λˆ„κ΅¬λ³΄λ‹€λ„ 더 μ‚¬λž‘ν–ˆλ˜ λ‚¨μžκ°€
01:22
held a gun to my head and threatened to kill me
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제 머리에 총을 κ²¨λˆ„λ©° μ €λ₯Ό 죽여버리겠닀고 ν˜‘λ°•ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:26
more times than I can even remember.
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그것도 μ œκ°€ λ‹€ κΈ°μ–΅ν•  μˆ˜λ„ μ—†μ„λ§ŒνΌ 자주 말이죠.
01:29
I'm here to tell you the story of crazy love,
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μ €λŠ” 이 비정상적인 μ‚¬λž‘ 이야기λ₯Ό λ“€λ € λ“œλ¦¬κΈ° μœ„ν•΄ 이 μžλ¦¬μ— λ‚˜μ™”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:32
a psychological trap disguised as love,
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μ‚¬λž‘μœΌλ‘œ μœ„μž₯ν•œ 심리적 μ˜¬κ°€λ―Έ.
01:35
one that millions of women and even a few men
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μˆ˜λ§Žμ€ μ—¬μ„±λ“€κ³Ό λͺ‡λͺ‡ λ‚¨μ„±λ“€κΉŒμ§€λ„
01:38
fall into every year.
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맀년 λΉ μ§€λŠ” 것이죠.
01:40
It may even be your story.
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심지어 λ°”λ‘œ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 이야기가 될 μˆ˜λ„ μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:43
I don't look like a typical domestic violence survivor.
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μ €λŠ” μ „ν˜•μ μΈ κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯ μƒμ‘΄μžλ‘œλŠ” μ•ˆ λ³΄μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:46
I have a B.A. in English from Harvard College,
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μ €λŠ” ν•˜λ²„λ“œλŒ€ν•™κ΅ μ˜μ–΄ 학사 ν•™μœ„κ°€ 있고,
01:49
an MBA in marketing from Wharton Business School.
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μ™€νŠΌ 경영 λŒ€ν•™μ›μ˜ λ§ˆμΌ€νŒ… λΆ„μ•Ό κ²½μ˜ν•™ 석사도 가지고 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:51
I've spent most of my career working for Fortune 500 companies
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μ €λŠ” 직μž₯ μƒν™œμ˜ λŒ€λΆ€λΆ„μ„ "포좘"지 μ„ μ • 500λŒ€ κΈ°μ—…λ“€μ—μ„œ λ³΄λƒˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:54
including Johnson & Johnson, Leo Burnett and The Washington Post.
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"쑴슨 & 쑴슨"κ³Ό "레였 버넷", "μ›Œμ‹±ν„΄ 포슀트"λ₯Ό ν¬ν•¨ν•΄μ„œμš”.
01:59
I've been married for almost 20 years to my second husband
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μ €μ˜ 두 번째 λ‚¨νŽΈκ³Ό κ²°ν˜Όν•œ 지 거의 20년이 λ˜μ–΄κ°‘λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:02
and we have three kids together.
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그리고 μ €ν¬μ—κ²ŒλŠ” μ„Έλͺ…μ˜ 아이듀이 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:05
My dog is a black lab, and I drive a Honda Odyssey minivan.
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μ €μ˜ 애완견은 까만 λž˜λΈŒλΌλ„ λ¦¬νŠΈλ¦¬λ²„μ΄κ³  μ €λŠ” ν˜Όλ‹€ μ˜€λ”§μ„Έμ΄ λ―Έλ‹ˆλ²€μ„ λͺΉλ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:09
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
02:12
So my first message for you is that domestic violence
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ €μ˜ 첫 λ©”μ„Έμ§€λŠ”, κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯이
02:15
happens to everyone --
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λˆ„κ΅¬μ—κ²Œλ‚˜ 일어날 수 μžˆλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:17
all races, all religions, all income and education levels.
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인쒅, 쒅ꡐ, μˆ˜μž…, 그리고 ꡐ윑 μˆ˜μ€€μ„ λ– λ‚˜μ„œ 말이죠.
02:21
It's everywhere.
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κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯은 μ–΄λ””μ—λ‚˜ μ‘΄μž¬ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:23
And my second message is that everyone thinks
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그리고 μ €μ˜ 두 번째 λ©”μ„Έμ§€λŠ” λͺ¨λ‘κ°€
02:26
domestic violence happens to women,
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κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯은 μ—¬μ„±λ“€μ—κ²Œ μΌμ–΄λ‚˜λŠ” 것이고,
02:28
that it's a women's issue.
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μ—¬μ„±λ“€μ˜ 문제라고 μƒκ°ν•œλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:30
Not exactly.
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λ°˜λ“œμ‹œ κ·Έλ ‡μ§€λŠ” μ•ŠμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:32
Over 85 percent of abusers are men, and domestic abuse
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ν•™λŒ€μžμ˜ 85%이상이 λ‚¨μžμ΄κ³ , κ°€μ • ν•™λŒ€λŠ”
02:36
happens only in intimate, interdependent, long-term relationships,
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μΉœλ°€ν•˜κ³ , μƒν˜Έ 의쑴적이며, μž₯κΈ°κ°„μ˜ κ΄€κ³„μ—μ„œλ§Œ μΌμ–΄λ‚©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:42
in other words, in families,
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즉, κ°€μ • μ•ˆμ—μ„œλ§Œ μΌμ–΄λ‚œλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:44
the last place we would want or expect to find violence,
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폭λ ₯이 κ°€μž₯ μ—†κΈ°λ₯Ό 바라고 또 κΈ°λŒ€ν•˜λŠ” 곳이죠.
02:48
which is one reason domestic abuse is so confusing.
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μ΄λŠ” κ°€μ • ν•™λŒ€κ°€ ꡉμž₯히 ν˜Όλž€μŠ€λŸ¬μš΄ 이유 쀑 ν•˜λ‚˜μ΄κΈ°λ„ ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:52
I would have told you myself that I was the last person on Earth
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이미 λ§μ”€λ“œλ¦° 것 처럼 μ €λŠ”
02:56
who would stay with a man who beats me,
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μ €λ₯Ό λ•Œλ¦¬λŠ” λ‚¨μžκ³μ— λ¨Έλ¬Όλ§Œν•  μ΄μœ κ°€ μ „ν˜€ μ—†λ˜ μ‚¬λžŒμ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:59
but in fact I was a very typical victim because of my age.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ 제 λ‚˜μ΄λ₯Ό κ³ λ €ν•΄ λ³Ό λ•Œ μ €λŠ” 사싀 μ•„μ£Ό μ „ν˜•μ μΈ ν”Όν•΄μžμ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:02
I was 22, and in the United States,
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έλ•Œ 22μ‚΄ μ΄μ—ˆκ³ , λ―Έκ΅­μ—μ„œ
03:05
women ages 16 to 24 are three times as likely
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16~24μ„Έμ˜ 여성듀이
03:09
to be domestic violence victims
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λ‹€λ₯Έ λ‚˜μ΄λ•Œ 여성듀에 λΉ„ν•΄ 3λ°°λ‚˜ 더
03:12
as women of other ages,
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κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯의 ν”Όν•΄μžκ°€ 될 ν™•λ₯ μ΄ λ†’λ‹€κ³  ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:15
and over 500 women and girls this age
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그리고 λ―Έκ΅­μ—μ„œλŠ” 이 λ‚˜μ΄λŒ€μ˜ 500λͺ…이 λ„˜λŠ” 여성듀이
03:18
are killed every year by abusive partners,
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맀년 폭λ ₯적인 λ™λ°˜μž,
03:22
boyfriends, and husbands in the United States.
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λ‚¨μž 친ꡬ, 그리고 λ‚¨νŽΈμ— μ˜ν•΄ μ‚΄ν•΄λ‹Ήν•œλ‹€κ³  ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:26
I was also a very typical victim because I knew nothing
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μ € λ˜ν•œ 맀우 μ „ν˜•μ μΈ κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯의 ν”Όν•΄μžμ˜€λ˜ μ΄μœ λŠ” μ œκ°€
03:29
about domestic violence, its warning signs or its patterns.
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가정폭λ ₯κ³Ό κ·Έ κ²½κ³  쑰짐 및 양상에 λŒ€ν•΄ 아무 것도 λͺ°λžκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:34
I met Conor on a cold, rainy January night.
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μ €λŠ” 1μ›”μ˜ μ–΄λŠ μΆ₯κ³  λΉ„λ‚΄λ¦¬λŠ” λ°€, λ‚¨μž 친ꡬ μ½”λ„ˆλ₯Ό λ§Œλ‚¬μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:39
He sat next to me on the New York City subway,
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κ·ΈλŠ” λ‰΄μš•μ‹œ μ§€ν•˜μ² μ—μ„œ 제 μ˜†μžλ¦¬μ— μ•‰μ•˜μ—ˆκ³ 
03:42
and he started chatting me up.
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저와 λŒ€ν™”λ₯Ό λ‚˜λˆ„κΈ° μ‹œμž‘ν–ˆμ£ .
03:44
He told me two things.
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κ·ΈλŠ” 두가지에 λŒ€ν•΄ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:46
One was that he, too, had just graduated from an Ivy League school,
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ν•˜λ‚˜λŠ”, μ €μ²˜λŸΌ κ·Έκ°€ 막 아이비리그 λŒ€ν•™μ„ μ‘Έμ—…ν–ˆλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆκ³ 
03:50
and that he worked at a very impressive Wall Street bank.
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λ‹€λ₯Έ ν•˜λ‚˜λŠ”, κ·Έκ°€ μ›”κ°€μ˜ 유λͺ…ν•œ μ€ν–‰μ—μ„œ μΌν•œλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:54
But what made the biggest impression on me that first meeting
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κ·ΈλŸ¬λ‚˜ κ·Έ 첫 λ§Œλ‚¨μ—μ„œ κ°€μž₯ 인상 κΉŠμ—ˆλ˜ 것은
03:58
was that he was smart and funny
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κ·Έκ°€ λ˜‘λ˜‘ν•˜λ©΄μ„œλ„ μœ μΎŒν•˜κ³ 
04:01
and he looked like a farm boy.
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마치 농μž₯의 μ†Œλ…„μ²˜λŸΌ λ³΄μΈλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:02
He had these big cheeks, these big apple cheeks
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그의 볼은 큰 사과와 κ°™μ•˜κ³ ,
04:05
and this wheat-blond hair,
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λ¨Έλ¦¬λŠ” λ°€ μƒ‰κΉ”μ˜ κΈˆλ°œμ΄μ—ˆμœΌλ©°,
04:06
and he seemed so sweet.
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정말 λ‹€μ •ν•΄ λ³΄μ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:10
One of the smartest things Conor did, from the very beginning,
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μ½”λ„ˆκ°€ 저와 사귀기 μ‹œμž‘ν•œ μ΄ˆλ°˜λΆ€ν„° ν•œ κ°€μž₯ μ˜λ¦¬ν•œ 것듀 쀑 ν•˜λ‚˜λŠ” λ°”λ‘œ
04:14
was to create the illusion that I was the dominant partner in the relationship.
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μ œκ°€ 이 κ΄€κ³„μ—μ„œ μ£Όλ„κΆŒμ„ 가지고 μžˆλ‹€λŠ” ν™˜μƒμ„ λ§Œλ“€μ–΄λ‚Έ κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:19
He did this especially at the beginning
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특히 사귀기 μ‹œμž‘ν•œ μ΄ˆλ°˜μ— κ·Έλž¬λŠ”λ°
04:21
by idolizing me.
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μ €λ₯Ό μš°μƒμ²˜λŸΌ λ– λ°›λ“€μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:24
We started dating, and he loved everything about me,
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μ €ν¬λŠ” 데이트λ₯Ό ν•˜κΈ° μ‹œμž‘ν•˜μ˜€κ³ , κ·ΈλŠ” μ €μ˜ λͺ¨λ“ κ²ƒμ„ μ‚¬λž‘ν•΄ μ£Όμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:27
that I was smart, that I'd gone to Harvard,
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μ œκ°€ λ˜‘λ˜‘ν•œ 것, ν•˜λ²„λ“œλŒ€λ₯Ό μ‘Έμ—…ν•œ 것,
04:29
that I was passionate about helping teenage girls, and my job.
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μ œκ°€ μ‹­λŒ€ μ†Œλ…€λ₯Ό λ•λŠ” 것과 제 일에 λŒ€ν•΄ 열정적인 것 λ“± λͺ¨λ“  것을 말이죠.
04:32
He wanted to know everything about my family
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κ·ΈλŠ” 제 κ°€μ‘±, 제 μ–΄λ¦° μ‹œμ ˆ, 제 꿈과 희망 λ“±
04:35
and my childhood and my hopes and dreams.
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μ €μ˜ λͺ¨λ“ κ²ƒμ„ μ•ŒκΈ°λ₯Ό μ›ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:37
Conor believed in me, as a writer and a woman,
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μ½”λ„ˆλŠ” μ €λ₯Ό μž‘κ°€λ‘œμ„œ, 또 μ—¬μžλ‘œμ„œ λ―Ώμ–΄μ£Όμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:41
in a way that no one else ever had.
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아무도 해주지 μ•Šμ•˜λ˜ λ°©μ‹μœΌλ‘œμš”.
04:45
And he also created a magical atmosphere of trust between us
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그리고 κ·ΈλŠ” 우리 사이에 λ§ˆλ²•κ°™μ€ μ‹ λ’°λ₯Ό ν˜•μ„±ν•˜μ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:49
by confessing his secret,
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그의 비밀을 ν„Έμ–΄λ†“μœΌλ©΄μ„œ 말이죠,
04:51
which was that, as a very young boy starting at age four,
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그것은 κ·Έκ°€ 4μ‚΄μ˜ μ•„μ£Ό μ–΄λ¦° λ‚˜μ΄μ—,
04:56
he had been savagely and repeatedly physically abused
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맀우 μ•Όλ§Œμ μ΄κ³  반볡적으둜 윑체적 ꡬ타λ₯Ό λ‹Ήν–ˆλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:59
by his stepfather,
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그의 μ–‘μ•„λ²„μ§€λ‘œλΆ€ν„° 말이죠.
05:01
and the abuse had gotten so bad that he had had to drop out of school in eighth grade,
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그리고 이 ν•™λŒ€λŠ” 점점 μ‹¬ν•΄μ Έμ„œ 8ν•™λ…„(쀑학ꡐ 2ν•™λ…„)λ•ŒλŠ” 쀑퇴λ₯Ό ν•΄μ•Ό ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:04
even though he was very smart,
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κ·Έκ°€ μ•„μ£Ό λ˜‘λ˜‘ν•œ ν•™μƒμ΄μ—ˆμŒμ—λ„ λΆˆκ΅¬ν•˜κ³  말이죠.
05:07
and he'd spent almost 20 years rebuilding his life.
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그리고 인생을 λ‹€μ‹œ μŒ“μ•„μ˜¬λ¦¬λŠ”λ° 20년을 λ³΄λƒˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:10
Which is why that Ivy League degree
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아이비 리그 ν•™μœ„μ™€
05:13
and the Wall Street job and his bright shiny future
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μ›”κ°€μ˜ 직μž₯κ³Ό 밝게 λΉ›λ‚˜λŠ” λ―Έλž˜κ°€
05:16
meant so much to him.
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κ·Έμ—κ²Œ λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜ μ†Œμ€‘ν–ˆλ˜ μ΄μœ μ˜€μ£ .
05:19
If you had told me
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λ§Œμ•½ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ 제게
05:21
that this smart, funny, sensitive man who adored me
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μ €λ₯Ό μ‚¬λž‘ν•΄μ£ΌλŠ”, 이 λ˜‘λ˜‘ν•˜κ³ , 재미있고, μ‚¬λ €κΉŠμ€ λ‚¨μžκ°€
05:26
would one day dictate whether or not I wore makeup,
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μ–Έμ œ μ œκ°€ ν™”μž₯을 할지 말지,
05:31
how short my skirts were,
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μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ 짧은 치마λ₯Ό μž…μ„μ§€,
05:33
where I lived, what jobs I took,
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μ œκ°€ 어디에 살지, μ–΄λ–€ 직μž₯을 κ°€μ§ˆμ§€,
05:35
who my friends were and where I spent Christmas,
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제 μΉœκ΅¬λ“€μ΄ λˆ„κ΅°μ§€, μ œκ°€ 크리슀마슀λ₯Ό μ–΄λ””μ„œ 보낼지λ₯Ό κ°•μš”ν•  거라고 ν–ˆλ‹€λ©΄,
05:38
I would have laughed at you,
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μ €λŠ” 웃어 λ„˜κ²Όμ„ κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€,
05:40
because there was not a hint of violence or control
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ μ²˜μŒμ—λŠ” μ½”λ„ˆμ—κ²Œ κ·Έ μ–΄λ–€ 폭λ ₯κ³Ό μ–΅μ••
05:43
or anger in Conor at the beginning.
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λ˜λŠ” λΆ„λ…Έμ˜ 쑰짐도 보이지 μ•Šμ•˜κ±°λ“ μš”.
05:47
I didn't know that the first stage
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μ €λŠ” κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯ κ΄€κ³„μ˜
05:50
in any domestic violence relationship
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첫번째 단계가
05:52
is to seduce and charm the victim.
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ν”Όν•΄μžλ₯Ό μœ ν˜Ήν•˜κ³  λ§€λ£Œμ‹œν‚€λŠ” κ²ƒμž„μ„ λͺ°λžμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:56
I also didn't know that the second step is to isolate the victim.
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μ €λŠ” λ˜ν•œ κ·Έ λ‘λ²ˆμ§Έ 단계가 ν”Όν•΄μžλ₯Ό κ²©λ¦¬μ‹œν‚€λŠ” κ²ƒμž„μ„ λͺ°λžμ£ .
06:01
Now, Conor did not come home one day and announce,
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μ½”λ„ˆκ°€ μ–΄λŠλ‚  κ°‘μžκΈ° 집에 λŒμ•„μ™€ μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆλ˜ 것은 μ•„λ‹™λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:05
"You know, hey, all this Romeo and Juliet stuff has been great,
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"이봐, 이 λ‘œλ―Έμ˜€μ™€ 쀄리엣 ν‰λ‚΄λŠ” κ½€ μž¬λ―Έμžˆμ—ˆμ–΄,"
06:08
but I need to move into the next phase
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ λ‚˜λŠ” 이제 μƒˆλ‘œμš΄ λ‹¨κ³„λ‘œ λ„˜μ–΄κ°€μ•Ό ν•΄.
06:10
where I isolate you and I abuse you" β€” (Laughter) β€”
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λ„ˆλ₯Ό κ²©λ¦¬μ‹œμΌœμ„œ ν•™λŒ€ν•˜λŠ” λ‹¨κ³„λ‘œ 말이지." (μ›ƒμŒ)
06:14
"so I need to get you out of this apartment
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"κ·ΈλŸ¬λ‹ˆκΉŒ λ‚˜λŠ” λ„ˆλ₯Ό μ•„νŒŒνŠΈ λ°–μœΌλ‘œ λŒμ–΄λ‚΄μ„œ
06:15
where the neighbors can hear you scream
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이웃이 λ„ˆμ˜ λΉ„λͺ…을 듀을 수 μ—†λŠ” 곳으둜 κ°€μ•Όκ² μ–΄.
06:17
and out of this city where you have friends and family
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이 λ„μ‹œ λ°–, λ„ˆμ˜ μΉœκ΅¬λ“€κ³Ό κ°€μ‘±
06:19
and coworkers who can see the bruises."
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그리고 λ™λ£Œλ“€μ΄ λ„€ 멍든 μƒμ²˜λ₯Ό λ³Ό 수 μ—†λŠ” 곳으둜 말이지."
06:23
Instead, Conor came home one Friday evening
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λŒ€μ‹ , μ½”λ„ˆλŠ” μ–΄λŠ κΈˆμš”μΌ 저녁 집에 μ˜€λ”λ‹ˆ
06:27
and he told me that he had quit his job that day,
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직μž₯을 κ·Έλ§Œλ‘μ—ˆλ‹€κ³  ν•˜λ”κ΅°μš”,
06:30
his dream job,
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그의 꿈의 직μž₯을 말이죠,
06:32
and he said that he had quit his job because of me,
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κ·ΈλŠ” λ‚˜ λ•Œλ¬Έμ— 직μž₯을 κ·Έλ§Œλ‘μ—ˆλ‹€κ³  ν•˜λ”κ΅°μš”,
06:36
because I had made him feel so safe and loved
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ 제 덕뢄에 λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜ μ•ˆμ •κ°κ³Ό μ‚¬λž‘μ„ λŠκ»΄μ„œ
06:39
that he didn't need to prove himself on Wall Street anymore,
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더이상 μ›”κ°€μ—μ„œ 슀슀둜λ₯Ό 증λͺ…ν•  ν•„μš”κ°€ μ—†λ‹€κ³  말이죠,
06:43
and he just wanted to get out of the city
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κ·ΈλŠ” λ„μ‹œλ₯Ό λ²—μ–΄λ‚˜μ„œ
06:45
and away from his abusive, dysfunctional family,
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그의 가학적이고 λ¬Έμ œμžˆλŠ” κ°€μ •μœΌλ‘œλΆ€ν„° λ²—μ–΄λ‚˜,
06:48
and move to a tiny town in New England
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뉴 μž‰κΈ€λžœλ“œμ˜ μž‘μ€ λ§ˆμ„λ‘œ 이사가고 μ‹Άμ–΄ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:51
where he could start his life over with me by his side.
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μ €λ₯Ό 곁에 두고 κ·Έκ°€ μƒˆ 인생을 μ‹œμž‘ν•  수 μžˆλŠ” 곳으둜 말이죠.
06:55
Now, the last thing I wanted to do was leave New York,
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μ €λŠ” λ‰΄μš•μ„ λ– λ‚˜κΈ°κ°€ 정말 μ‹«μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€,
06:59
and my dream job,
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제 꿈의 직μž₯도 κ·Έλ§Œλ‘κ³  싢지 μ•Šμ•˜μ£ .
07:02
but I thought you made sacrifices for your soulmate,
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ 제 정신적 λ™λ°˜μžλ₯Ό μœ„ν•΄μ„œλŠ” κ·Έ 정도 희생은 κ°μˆ˜ν•΄μ•Ό ν•œλ‹€κ³  μƒκ°ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:05
so I agreed, and I quit my job,
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ €λŠ” λ™μ˜ν–ˆκ³ , 직μž₯을 κ·Έλ§Œλ‘μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€,
07:08
and Conor and I left Manhattan together.
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κ·Έλ ‡κ²Œ μ½”λ„ˆμ™€ μ €λŠ” ν•¨κ»˜ λ§¨ν•˜νƒ„μ„ λ– λ‚¬μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:11
I had no idea I was falling into crazy love,
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μ €λŠ” μ œκ°€ 비정상적인 μ‚¬λž‘μ— 빠지고 μžˆλ‹€λŠ” κ±Έ μ „ν˜€ λͺ°λžμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:15
that I was walking headfirst into a carefully laid
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μ œκ°€ 무λͺ¨ν•˜κ²Œλ„ 곡듀여 μ§œλ†“μ€
07:19
physical, financial and psychological trap.
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윑체적, κΈˆμ „μ , 정신적인 덫에 제발둜 κ±Έμ–΄λ“€μ–΄κ°€κ³  μžˆμŒμ„μš”.
07:24
The next step in the domestic violence pattern
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κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯의 λ‹€μŒ λ‹¨κ³„λŠ”
07:26
is to introduce the threat of violence
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폭λ ₯을 가지고 ν˜‘λ°•ν•΄μ„œ
07:31
and see how she reacts.
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κ·Έλ…€κ°€ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λ°˜μ‘ν•˜λŠ”μ§€ λ³΄λŠ” 것이죠.
07:33
And here's where those guns come in.
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μ—¬κΈ°μ„œ κ·Έ 총듀이 λ“±μž₯ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:35
As soon as we moved to New England -- you know,
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ λ‰΄μž‰κΈ€λžœλ“œλ‘œ μ΄μ‚¬ν•˜μžλ§ˆμž
07:38
that place where Connor was supposed to feel so safe --
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μ½”λ„ˆκ°€ μ•ˆμ „ν•˜λ‹€κ³  λŠκΌˆμ–΄μ•Ό ν•  λ°”λ‘œ κ·Έ κ³³μ—μ„œ
07:41
he bought three guns.
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κ·ΈλŠ” ꢌ총 3자루λ₯Ό μƒ€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:44
He kept one in the glove compartment of our car.
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ν•œ μžλ£¨λŠ” 우리 μ°¨ μ‘°μˆ˜μ„ μˆ˜λ‚©ν•¨μ— λ‘μ—ˆκ³ ,
07:47
He kept one under the pillows on our bed,
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ν•œ μžλ£¨λŠ” 우리 μΉ¨λŒ€ 베개 밑에 λ‘μ—ˆμœΌλ©°,
07:50
and the third one he kept in his pocket at all times.
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λ§ˆμ§€λ§‰ ν•œ μžλ£¨λŠ” 항상 그의 μ£Όλ¨Έλ‹ˆμ— μ§€λ‹ˆκ³  λ‹€λ…”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:53
And he said that he needed those guns
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κ·ΈλŠ” κ·Έ 총듀이 ν•„μš”ν•œ μ΄μœ μ— λŒ€ν•΄μ„œ
07:55
because of the trauma he'd experienced as a young boy.
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κ·Έκ°€ 어릴 λ•Œ κ²ͺ은 좩격적 κ²½ν—˜ λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄λΌκ³  λ§ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:58
He needed them to feel protected.
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총이 μžˆμ–΄μ•Ό λ³΄ν˜Έλ°›λŠ” 기뢄을 λŠλ‚€λ‹€κ³  ν–ˆμ£ .
08:00
But those guns were really a message for me,
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ κ·Έ 총듀이 μ‹€μ œλ‘œλŠ” 저에 λŒ€ν•œ λ©”μ„Έμ§€μ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€,
08:03
and even though he hadn't raised a hand to me,
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그리고 κ·Έκ°€ 제게 손가락 ν•˜λ‚˜ κΉŒλ”±ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜μŒμ—λ„ λΆˆκ΅¬ν•˜κ³ ,
08:06
my life was already in grave danger every minute of every day.
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제 인생은 이미 맀일 λ§€μˆœκ°„ μ—„μ²­λ‚œ μœ„ν—˜μ— 빠지고 μžˆμ—ˆμ£ .
08:12
Conor first physically attacked me
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μ½”λ„ˆκ°€ μ €λ₯Ό 처음 윑체적으둜 κ³΅κ²©ν•œ 것은
08:15
five days before our wedding.
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κ²°ν˜Όμ‹ 5일 μ „μ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:18
It was 7 a.m. I still had on my nightgown.
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μ•„μΉ¨ 7μ‹œμ˜€κ³  μ €λŠ” 아직 μž μ˜·μ„ μž…μ€ μ±„μ˜€μ£ .
08:22
I was working on my computer trying to finish a freelance writing assignment,
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μ €λŠ” ν”„λ¦¬λžœμŠ€ 업무λ₯Ό 끝내기 μœ„ν•΄ μ»΄ν“¨ν„°λ‘œ μž‘μ—…μ„ ν•˜λ‹€κ°€
08:27
and I got frustrated,
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짜증이 λ‚œ μƒνƒœμ˜€λŠ”λ°,
08:28
and Conor used my anger as an excuse
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μ½”λ„ˆλŠ” 제 ν™”λ₯Ό 핑계삼아
08:32
to put both of his hands around my neck
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두 손을 제 λͺ© 주변에 두λ₯΄κ³ 
08:35
and to squeeze so tightly that I could not breathe or scream,
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λ„ˆλ¬΄ 꽉 μ‘°μ—¬μ„œ μ €λŠ” λΉ„λͺ…을 지λ₯΄κ±°λ‚˜ μˆ¨μ„ 쉴 수쑰차 μ—†μ—ˆμ£ .
08:38
and he used the chokehold
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그리고 κ·ΈλŠ” λͺ©μ„ μ‘°λ₯Έ μƒνƒœλ‘œ
08:40
to hit my head repeatedly against the wall.
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제 머리λ₯Ό λͺ‡ 번이고 벽에 μ°§μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:45
Five days later, the ten bruises on my neck had just faded,
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5일 ν›„, 제 λͺ©μ— 생긴 10개의 멍이 ν¬λ―Έν•΄μ‘Œμ„ λ•Œ,
08:50
and I put on my mother's wedding dress,
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μ €λŠ” 저희 μ–΄λ¨Έλ‹ˆμ˜ 웨딩 λ“œλ ˆμŠ€λ₯Ό μž…κ³ 
08:53
and I married him.
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그와 κ²°ν˜Όν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:55
Despite what had happened,
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이미 μΌμ–΄λ‚œ 사건에도 λΆˆκ΅¬ν•˜κ³ ,
08:57
I was sure we were going to live happily ever after,
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μ €λŠ” μš°λ¦¬κ°€ ν–‰λ³΅ν•˜κ²Œ μ‚΄ 것이라고 ν™•μ‹ ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:01
because I loved him, and he loved me so much.
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ μ €λŠ” κ·Έλ₯Ό μ‚¬λž‘ν–ˆκ³ , κ·Έ λ˜ν•œ λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜ μ €λ₯Ό μ‚¬λž‘ν–ˆκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:05
And he was very, very sorry.
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그리고 κ·ΈλŠ” 정말, 정말 λ―Έμ•ˆν•΄ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:08
He had just been really stressed out by the wedding
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κ·ΈλŠ” 단지 κ²°ν˜Όμ‹κ³Ό
09:11
and by becoming a family with me.
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저와 가쑱이 λœλ‹€λŠ” 사싀에 맀우 슀트레슀λ₯Ό 받은 것 λΏμ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:13
It was an isolated incident,
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μ–΄λ””κΉŒμ§€λ‚˜ λ³„κ°œμ˜ μ‚¬κ±΄μ΄μ—ˆκ³ ,
09:15
and he was never going to hurt me again.
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μ•žμœΌλ‘œλŠ” μ ˆλŒ€λ‘œ κ·Έκ°€ μ €λ₯Ό λ‹€μΉ˜κ²Œ ν•˜λŠ” 일이 없을거라 μƒκ°ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:19
It happened twice more on the honeymoon.
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κ·Έ 일은 μ‹ ν˜Ό μ—¬ν–‰μ—μ„œ 두 번 더 μΌμ–΄λ‚¬μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:21
The first time, I was driving to find a secret beach
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μ²«λ²ˆμ§ΈλŠ”, μ œκ°€ λΉ„λ°€ 해변을 μ°Ύμ•„ μš΄μ „ν•˜κ³  μžˆμ„ λ•Œμ˜€λŠ”λ°
09:24
and I got lost,
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μ œκ°€ 길을 μžƒμž,
09:27
and he punched me in the side of my head so hard
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κ·Έκ°€ 제 머리λ₯Ό λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜ μ„Έκ²Œ λ•Œλ €μ„œ
09:30
that the other side of my head repeatedly hit
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머리 λ°˜λŒ€ μͺ½μ΄ 계속
09:32
the driver's side window.
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μš΄μ „μ„ μ°½λ¬Έ μͺ½μ„ λ•Œλ ΈμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:35
And then a few days later, driving home from our honeymoon,
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그리고 λ©°μΉ  후에, μ‹ ν˜Ό μ—¬ν–‰μ—μ„œ μš΄μ „ν•΄μ„œ λŒμ•„μ˜€λ˜ 길에
09:38
he got frustrated by traffic,
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ꡐ톡 체증으둜 짜증이 λ‚œ κ·ΈλŠ”,
09:40
and he threw a cold Big Mac in my face.
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μ°¨κ°‘κ²Œ 식은 "λΉ…λ§₯"을 제 얼꡴에 λ˜μ‘ŒμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:44
Conor proceeded to beat me once or twice a week
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μ½”λ„ˆλŠ” 일주일에 ν•œ 두 λ²ˆμ”© μ €λ₯Ό κ΅¬νƒ€ν–ˆλŠ”λ°
09:46
for the next two and a half years of our marriage.
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μ΄λŠ” μ €ν¬μ˜ 2λ…„ λ°˜λ™μ•ˆμ˜ 결혼 μƒν™œλ‚΄λ‚΄ κ³„μ†λ˜μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:50
I was mistaken in thinking that I was unique
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μ œκ°€ ν‹€λ Έλ˜ 것은 μ œκ°€ νŠΉμ΄ν•œ 경우이고
09:53
and alone in this situation.
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μ €λŠ” 혼자라고 μƒκ°ν–ˆλ˜ κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:56
One in three American women
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λ―Έκ΅­ μ—¬μ„±μ˜ 3λͺ…쀑 1λͺ…이
09:58
experiences domestic violence or stalking at some point in her life,
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평생 μ–Έμ  κ°€λŠ” κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯μ΄λ‚˜ μŠ€ν† ν‚Ήμ„ κ²½ν—˜ν•œλ‹€κ³  ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:02
and the CDC reports that 15 million children
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λ―Έκ΅­ μ§ˆλ³‘ ν†΅μ œ 예방 μ„Όν„°μ˜ 보고에 λ”°λ₯΄λ©΄ 1,500만λͺ…μ˜ 아이듀이
10:06
are abused every year, 15 million.
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맀년 폭행을 λ‹Ήν•œλ‹€κ³  ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€, 1,500만 λͺ…μ˜ 아이듀이 λ§μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:09
So actually, I was in very good company.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ 사싀, μ œκ²ŒλŠ” λ§Žμ€ λ™λ£Œλ“€μ΄ μžˆμ—ˆλ‹€κ³  ν•  수 있죠.
10:13
Back to my question:
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λ‹€μ‹œ 제 질문으둜 λŒμ•„κ°€ λ΄…μ‹œλ‹€.
10:16
Why did I stay?
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μ €λŠ” μ™œ λ– λ‚˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜μ„κΉŒμš”?
10:18
The answer is easy.
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닡은 κ°„λ‹¨ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:21
I didn't know he was abusing me.
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έκ°€ μ €λ₯Ό ν•™λŒ€ν•˜κ³  μžˆλŠ”μ§€ λͺ°λžμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:24
Even though he held those loaded guns to my head,
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κ·Έκ°€ μž₯μ „λœ κΆŒμ΄μ„ 제 머리에 κ°–λ‹€ λŒ€κ³ ,
10:27
pushed me down stairs,
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μ €λ₯Ό 계단 λ°‘μœΌλ‘œ λ„˜μ–΄λœ¨λ¦¬κ³ ,
10:30
threatened to kill our dog,
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우리 개λ₯Ό 죽이겠닀고 ν˜‘λ°•ν•˜κ³ ,
10:31
pulled the key out of the car ignition as I drove down the highway,
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μ œκ°€ κ³ μ†λ„λ‘œλ₯Ό λ‹¬λ¦¬λŠ” 쀑에 μ°¨ ν‚€λ₯Ό λΉΌμ„œ μ‹œλ™μ„ 꺼뜨리고,
10:35
poured coffee grinds on my head
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컀피 가루λ₯Ό 제 머리에 뿌렀
10:38
as I dressed for a job interview,
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μ±„μš© λ©΄μ ‘ μ˜·μ°¨λ¦Όμ„ 망쳀을 λ•Œλ„,
10:40
I never once thought of myself as a battered wife.
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ν•œλ²ˆλ„ 제 μžμ‹ μ„ ν•™λŒ€λ°›λŠ” 아내라고 생각해 λ³Έ 적이 μ—†μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:44
Instead, I was a very strong woman
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였히렀, μ €λŠ” 맀우 κ°•μΈν•œ μ—¬μ„±μœΌλ‘œμ„œ
10:48
in love with a deeply troubled man,
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λ¬Έμ œλ§Žμ€ λ‚¨μž μ‚¬λž‘μ— λΉ μ‘Œμ„ 뿐이며,
10:50
and I was the only person on Earth
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이 세상에 였직 μ €λ§Œμ΄
10:52
who could help Conor face his demons.
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μ½”λ„ˆκ°€ κ·Έμ•ˆμ˜ μ•…λ§ˆλ“€μ„ λ¬Όλ¦¬μΉ˜λ„λ‘ λ„μšΈ 수 μžˆλ‹€κ³  μƒκ°ν–ˆμ£ .
10:56
The other question everybody asks is,
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λͺ¨λ‘κ°€ λ¬»λŠ” λ‹€λ₯Έ μ§ˆλ¬Έμ€,
10:59
why doesn't she just leave?
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μ™œ μ§€κΈˆμ΄λΌλ„ κ·Έλ…€κ°€ λ– λ‚˜μ§€ μ•Šμ„κΉŒ? 일 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:02
Why didn't I walk out? I could have left any time.
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μ™œ μ œκ°€ λ– λ‚˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜μ„κΉŒμš”? μ €λŠ” μ–Έμ œλ“  λ– λ‚  수 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:06
To me, this is the saddest and most painful question that people ask,
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이 μ§ˆλ¬Έμ€ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ΄ λ˜μ§€λ“  μ§ˆλ¬Έλ“€ 쀑 κ°€μž₯ μŠ¬ν”„κ³  κ³ ν†΅μŠ€λŸ¬μš΄ κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:10
because we victims know something you usually don't:
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ€ λͺ¨λ₯΄κ³  우리 ν”Όν•΄μžλ“€λ§Œ μ•Œκ³  μžˆλŠ” 것이 있기 λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄μ£ .
11:13
It's incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser.
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κ°€ν•΄μžλ₯Ό λ– λ‚˜λŠ” 것이 μ—„μ²­λ‚˜κ²Œ μœ„ν—˜ν•˜λ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ„μš”.
11:18
Because the final step in the domestic violence pattern
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯의 λ§ˆμ§€λ§‰ λ‹¨κ³„λŠ”
11:21
is kill her.
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ν”Όν•΄μžλ₯Ό μ‚΄ν•΄ν•˜λŠ” 것이기 λ•Œλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:24
Over 70 percent of domestic violence murders
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κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯ μ‚΄ν•΄μ˜ 70% 이상이
11:27
happen after the victim has ended the relationship,
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ν”Όν•΄μžκ°€ 관계λ₯Ό λλƒˆμ„ λ•Œ μΌμ–΄λ‚©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:31
after she's gotten out,
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κ·Έλ…€κ°€ λ§ˆμΉ¨λ‚΄ νƒˆμΆœν–ˆμ„ λ•Œ 말이죠.
11:33
because then the abuser has nothing left to lose.
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ κ°€ν•΄μžλŠ” 더 이상 μžƒμ„ 것이 μ—†κ±°λ“ μš”.
11:36
Other outcomes include long-term stalking,
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λ‹€λ₯Έ κ²°κ³Όλ“€λ‘œλŠ” μž₯κΈ°κ°„ μŠ€ν† ν‚Ή,
11:39
even after the abuser remarries;
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κ°€ν•΄μžκ°€ μž¬ν˜Όν•˜κ³  λ‚˜μ„œλ„ 말이죠,
11:42
denial of financial resources;
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κΈˆμ „μ  μ§€μ›μ˜ κ±°λΆ€,
11:44
and manipulation of the family court system
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κ°€μ • 법원 μ‹œμŠ€ν…œμ„ μ•…μš©ν•˜μ—¬
11:46
to terrify the victim and her children,
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ν”Όν•΄μžμ™€ 아이듀을 겁에 질리게 ν•˜λŠ” 것 등이 μžˆλŠ”λ°
11:49
who are regularly forced by family court judges
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μ΄λŠ” κ°€μ • 법원 νŒμ‚¬λ“€μ΄ 아이듀이 μ •κΈ°μ μœΌλ‘œ
11:54
to spend unsupervised time
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ν™€λ‘œ μ—„λ§ˆλ₯Ό λ•Œλ¦¬λŠ” λ‚¨μžμ™€
11:56
with the man who beat their mother.
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μ‹œκ°„μ„ 보내도둝 κ°•μš”ν•˜κΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:00
And still we ask, why doesn't she just leave?
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κ·ΈλŸ°λ°λ„ μš°λ¦¬λŠ” μ—¬μ „νžˆ μ™œ κ·Έλ…€λŠ” κ·Έλƒ₯ λ– λ‚˜λ²„λ¦¬μ§€ μ•Šμ„κΉŒ? 라고 λ¬»μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:04
I was able to leave,
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μ œκ°€ λ– λ‚  수 μžˆμ—ˆλ˜ μ΄μœ λŠ”,
12:06
because of one final, sadistic beating
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μ΅œν›„μ˜ 가학적인 ꡬ타가
12:09
that broke through my denial.
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μ œκ°€ λΆ€μ •ν•˜λ˜ 것을 깨버렸기 λ•Œλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:12
I realized that the man who I loved so much
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μ €λŠ” μ œκ°€ λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜λ„ μ‚¬λž‘ν•˜λ˜ λ‚¨μžκ°€
12:15
was going to kill me if I let him.
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μ œκ°€ λ‚΄λ²„λ €λ§Œ 두면 μ €λ₯Ό 죽일 μˆ˜λ„ μžˆλ‹€λŠ” 것을 κΉ¨λ‹¬μ•˜μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:18
So I broke the silence.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ €λŠ” 침묡을 κΉ¨κ³ 
12:20
I told everyone:
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λͺ¨λ‘μ—κ²Œ μ•Œλ ΈμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:23
the police, my neighbors,
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κ²½μ°°, 이웃,
12:27
my friends and family, total strangers,
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제 μΉœκ΅¬λ“€κ³Ό κ°€μ‘±, 또 μƒνŒ λͺ¨λ₯΄λŠ” μ‚¬λžŒμ—κ²ŒκΉŒμ§€λ„ 말이죠.
12:31
and I'm here today because you all helped me.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ“€κ»˜μ„œ 도와주셨기 λ•Œλ¬Έμ— μ˜€λŠ˜λ‚  μ œκ°€ 이 μžλ¦¬μ— μžˆλŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:38
We tend to stereotype victims
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” ν”Όν•΄μžμ— λŒ€ν•œ κ³ μ • 관념을 κ°–λŠ” κ²½ν–₯이 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:40
as grisly headlines,
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μ†Œλ¦„λΌμΉ˜λŠ” λ‰΄μŠ€ ν—€λ“œλΌμΈμœΌλ‘œ,
12:43
self-destructive women, damaged goods.
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자기파괴적인 μ—¬μ„±, λΆ€μ„œμ§„ 물건으둜 말이죠.
12:47
The question, "Why does she stay?"
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"μ™œ κ·Έλ…€λŠ” λ– λ‚˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜μ„κΉŒ?" λΌλŠ” μ§ˆλ¬Έμ€,
12:50
is code for some people for, "It's her fault for staying,"
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일뢀 μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ—κ²ŒλŠ”, "λ– λ‚˜μ§€ μ•Šμ€ μ—¬μž 잘λͺ»μ΄μ§€"λΌλŠ” 말과도 κ°™μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:55
as if victims intentionally choose to fall in love with men
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마치 ν”Όν•΄μžκ°€ μΌλΆ€λŸ¬ λ‘˜ λ‹€λ₯Ό λ¬΄λ„ˆλœ¨λ¦¬λ €κ³ 
12:59
intent upon destroying us.
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μž‘μ •ν•œ λ‚¨μžμ™€ μ‚¬λž‘μ— λΉ μ§€κΈ°λ‘œ μ„ νƒν•œ κ²ƒμ²˜λŸΌ 말이죠.
13:01
But since publishing "Crazy Love,"
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ "비정상적인 μ‚¬λž‘"이 μΆœκ°„λœ ν›„λ‘œ
13:04
I have heard hundreds of stories from men and women
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μ €λŠ” 남성과 μ—¬μ„± λͺ¨λ‘λ‘œλΆ€ν„° 수백 가지 이야기λ₯Ό 듀을 수 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:07
who also got out,
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μ €μ²˜λŸΌ νƒˆμΆœν•΄μ„œ,
13:10
who learned an invaluable life lesson from what happened,
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κ²½ν—˜μœΌλ‘œλΆ€ν„° μ†Œμ€‘ν•œ 인생 κ΅ν›ˆμ„ 얻은,
13:14
and who rebuilt lives -- joyous, happy lives --
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그리고 μƒˆλ‘œμš΄ 삢을, -즐겁고 ν–‰λ³΅ν•œ μ‚Ά- 을 말이죠,
13:18
as employees, wives and mothers,
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μ§μ›μœΌλ‘œμ„œ, λΆ€μΈμœΌλ‘œμ„œ, 그리고 μ—„λ§ˆλ‘œμ„œ
13:21
lives completely free of violence, like me.
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μ €μ²˜λŸΌ, 폭λ ₯μœΌλ‘œλΆ€ν„° μ™„μ „νžˆ 자유둜운 삢을 μ‚¬λŠ” μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°λ§μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:25
Because it turns out that I'm actually a very typical domestic violence victim
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μ œκ°€ 사싀은 μ•„μ£Ό μ „ν˜•μ μΈ κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯ ν”Όν•΄μžμ΄μž
13:29
and a typical domestic violence survivor.
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μƒμ‘΄μžμž„μ΄ λ“œλŸ¬λ‚¬κΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄μ£ .
13:33
I remarried a kind and gentle man,
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μ €λŠ” μΉœμ ˆν•˜κ³  μžμƒν•œ λ‚¨μžμ™€ μž¬ν˜Όν•΄μ„œ,
13:37
and we have those three kids.
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3λͺ…μ˜ 아이듀을 ν‚€μš°κ³  μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:39
I have that black lab, and I have that minivan.
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μ €λŠ” 까만 λž˜λΈŒλΌλ„ λ¦¬νŠΈλ¦¬λ²„κ²¬κ³Ό λ―Έλ‹ˆλ°΄μ„ 가지고 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:42
What I will never have again,
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제게 λ‹€μ‹œλŠ” μΌμ–΄λ‚˜μ§€ 것은,
13:46
ever,
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λ‹€μ‹œλŠ” 말이죠,
13:49
is a loaded gun held to my head
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μž₯μ „λœ 총이 제 머리λ₯Ό κ²¨λˆ„λŠ” μΌμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:51
by someone who says that he loves me.
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μ €λ₯Ό μ‚¬λž‘ν•œλ‹€κ³  λ§ν•˜λŠ” μ‚¬λžŒμœΌλ‘œλΆ€ν„° 말이죠.
13:55
Right now, maybe you're thinking,
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μ§€κΈˆ, μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ€ μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ μƒκ°ν•˜μ‹€ κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€,
13:57
"Wow, this is fascinating,"
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"와, ν₯λ―Έμ§„μ§„ν•˜λ‹€."
13:59
or, "Wow, how stupid was she,"
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λ˜λŠ” "와, μ–΄μ©œ μ €λ ‡κ²Œ λ°”λ³΄κ°™μ•˜μ„κΉŒ."
14:02
but this whole time, I've actually been talking about you.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ κ°•μ—° λ‚΄λ‚΄, μ €λŠ” 사싀 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜κ³  μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:08
I promise you there are several people
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μ œκ°€ λ‹¨μ–Έμ»¨λŒ€
14:12
listening to me right now
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μ§€κΈˆ 제 이야기λ₯Ό λ“£κ³  μžˆλŠ” μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ“€ 쀑 λͺ‡λͺ‡μ€
14:14
who are currently being abused
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졜근 ν•™λŒ€λ°›μ€ 적이 μžˆκ±°λ‚˜
14:17
or who were abused as children
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어렸을 λ•Œ ν•™λŒ€λ₯Ό λ°›μ•˜κ±°λ‚˜
14:19
or who are abusers themselves.
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μŠ€μŠ€λ‘œκ°€ κ°€ν•΄μžμΌ κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:22
Abuse could be affecting your daughter,
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ν•™λŒ€λŠ” μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ λ”Έμ—κ²Œλ„ 일어날 수 있으며,
14:24
your sister, your best friend right now.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 여동생, μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ μΉœν•œ μΉœκ΅¬μ—κ²Œ μ§€κΈˆ λ‹Ήμž₯ μΌμ–΄λ‚˜κ³  μžˆμ„ μˆ˜λ„ μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:30
I was able to end my own crazy love story
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μ œκ°€ μ €μ˜ 비정상적인 μ‚¬λž‘ 이야기λ₯Ό 끝낼 수 μžˆμ—ˆλ˜ 것은
14:33
by breaking the silence.
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침묡을 κΉΌκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ— κ°€λŠ₯ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:35
I'm still breaking the silence today.
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μ €λŠ” μ˜€λŠ˜λ„ 이 침묡을 κΉ¨κ³  μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:38
It's my way of helping other victims,
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이것이 μ œκ°€ λ‹€λ₯Έ ν”Όν•΄μžλ“€μ„ λ•λŠ” λ°©μ‹μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:42
and it's my final request of you.
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μ œκ°€ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„κ»˜ λ§ˆμ§€λ§‰μœΌλ‘œ λΆ€νƒλ“œλ¦¬κ³  싢은 것은 μ΄κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:45
Talk about what you heard here.
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μ—¬κΈ°μ„œ λ“€μœΌμ‹  것에 λŒ€ν•΄ 이야기해 μ£Όμ„Έμš”.
14:48
Abuse thrives only in silence.
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ν•™λŒ€λŠ” 였직 침묡 μ†μ—μ„œλ§Œ μžλΌλ‚©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:51
You have the power to end domestic violence
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ„ κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯을 끝낼 νž˜μ„ 가지고 있고
14:55
simply by shining a spotlight on it.
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κ·Έ νž˜μ€ λ°”λ‘œ 그곳에 λΆˆλΉ›μ„ λΉ„μΆ”λŠ” κ²ƒμœΌλ‘œ λΉ„λ‘―λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:58
We victims need everyone.
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우리 ν”Όν•΄μžλ“€μ€ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ ν•„μš”ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
15:02
We need every one of you to understand
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„ λͺ¨λ‘κ°€
15:06
the secrets of domestic violence.
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κ°€μ • 폭λ ₯의 비밀을 μ΄ν•΄ν•˜μ‹œλŠ” 것이 ν•„μš”ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
15:09
Show abuse the light of day by talking about it
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ν•™λŒ€μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•¨μœΌλ‘œμ„œ ν•™λŒ€ ν˜„μž₯에 ν™˜ν•œ 빛을 λΉ„μΆ”μ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.
15:12
with your children, your coworkers,
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ μ•„μ΄λ“€μ—κ²Œ, 직μž₯ λ™λ£Œλ“€μ—κ²Œ,
15:14
your friends and family.
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μΉœκ΅¬λ“€κ³Ό κ°€μ‘±μ—κ²Œ λ§μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
15:16
Recast survivors as wonderful, lovable people
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μƒμ‘΄μžλ“€μ„ 멋지고, μ‚¬λž‘μŠ€λŸ¬μš΄ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€λ‘œ λ°”κΎΈμ–΄ μ£Όμ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.
15:20
with full futures.
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밝은 λ―Έλž˜κ°€ μžˆλŠ” μ‚¬λžŒλ“€λ‘œμš”.
15:23
Recognize the early signs of violence
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폭λ ₯의 초기 쑰짐을 μΈμ‹ν•˜κ³ 
15:26
and conscientiously intervene,
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μ–‘μ‹¬μ μœΌλ‘œ κ°œμž…ν•˜κ³ ,
15:29
deescalate it, show victims a safe way out.
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μ™„ν™”μ‹œμΌœμ„œ, ν”Όν•΄μžκ°€ μ•ˆμ „ν•˜κ²Œ λΉ μ Έλ‚˜κ°ˆ 수 μžˆλ„λ‘ ν•΄μ£Όμ„Έμš”.
15:33
Together we can make our beds,
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” ν•¨κ»˜ 우리의 μΉ¨λŒ€,
15:37
our dinner tables and our families
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저녁 식탁, 그리고 우리의 가정을
15:41
the safe and peaceful oases they should be.
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λ‹Ήμ—°νžˆ κ·Έλž˜μ•Ό ν•  μ•ˆμ „ν•˜κ³  ν‰ν™”λ‘œμš΄ μ˜€μ•„μ‹œμŠ€λ‘œ λ§Œλ“€ 수 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
15:44
Thank you.
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κ°μ‚¬ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
15:46
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
이 μ›Ήμ‚¬μ΄νŠΈ 정보

이 μ‚¬μ΄νŠΈλŠ” μ˜μ–΄ ν•™μŠ΅μ— μœ μš©ν•œ YouTube λ™μ˜μƒμ„ μ†Œκ°œν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ „ 세계 졜고의 μ„ μƒλ‹˜λ“€μ΄ κ°€λ₯΄μΉ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μˆ˜μ—…μ„ 보게 될 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€. 각 λ™μ˜μƒ νŽ˜μ΄μ§€μ— ν‘œμ‹œλ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μžλ§‰μ„ 더블 ν΄λ¦­ν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έκ³³μ—μ„œ λ™μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. λΉ„λ””μ˜€ μž¬μƒμ— 맞좰 μžλ§‰μ΄ μŠ€ν¬λ‘€λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ˜κ²¬μ΄λ‚˜ μš”μ²­μ΄ μžˆλŠ” 경우 이 문의 양식을 μ‚¬μš©ν•˜μ—¬ λ¬Έμ˜ν•˜μ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.

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