Why we love, why we cheat | Helen Fisher

Prevodilac: Aleksandra Kostic Lektor: Sandra Gojic

I'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends

Želela bih da pričam o dva najveća trenda u nastupajućem veku,

in the coming century,

and perhaps in the next 10,000 years.

a i možda u narednih 10 000 godina.

But I want to start with my work on romantic love,

Ali bih htela da započnem sa mojim radom o romantičnoj ljubavi,

because that's my most recent work.

jer je to moj najskoriji rad.

What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love,

Moje kolege i ja smo 32-oje ludo zaljubljenih stavili u

into a functional MRI brain scanner.

MR skener za mozak.

17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted;

17 ludo zaljubljenih čija je ljubav prihvaćena,

and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped.

i 15 ludo zaljubljenih koji su bili ostavljeni.

Želela bih prvo o tome da Vam pričam,

And so I want to tell you about that first,

and then go on into where I think love is going.

pa da pređem na to u kom pravcu mislim da je ljubav krenula.

(Laughter)

"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said.

''Šta je to voleti?'', rekao je Šekspir.

I think our ancestors --

Ljudi su sebi postavljali ovo pitanje

I think human beings have been wondering about this question

još dok su sedeli oko vatre ili dok su ležeći gledali zvezde pre milion godina.

since they sat around their campfires

or lay and watched the stars a million years ago.

I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was

Rad sam započela pitajući se šta je to romantična ljubav

by looking at the last 45 years of the psychological research

i pregledajući psihološka istraživanja u poslednjih 45 godina,

and as it turns out,

shvatila da postoji posebna grupa stvari koje nam se dešavaju kad se zaljubimo.

there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love.

The first thing that happens is,

Prva stvar koja se dešava -

a person begins to take on what I call, "special meaning."

osoba počinje da dobija ''poseban značaj''.

As a truck driver once said to me,

Kao što mi jednom reče jedan kamiondžija,

"The world had a new center, and that center was Mary Anne."

''Svet je dobio novi centar, i to je bila Meri En.''

George Bernard Shaw said it differently.

Džordž Bernard Šo je to rekao nešto drugačije.

"Love consists of overestimating the differences

''Ljubav je precenjivanje razlika između jedne žene i neke druge.''

between one woman and another."

I zaista, to je ono što mi radimo.

And indeed, that's what we do.

(Laughter)

And then you just focus on this person.

A onda se usredsredimo na tu osobu.

You can list what you don't like about them,

Možete da nabrojite šta Vam se ne dopada kod nje,

but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do.

i onda sve to zanemarite i fokusirate se na ono što Vam se dopada.

As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."

Kao što Šauser reče: ''Ljubav je slepa.''

In trying to understand romantic love,

Pokušavajući da shvatim romantičnu ljubav,

I decided I would read poetry from all over the world,

odlučila sam da pročitam poeziju iz celog sveta,

and I just want to give you one very short poem

i želela bih da Vam pročitam jednu kratku poemu iz Kine iz 8-og veka,

from eighth-century China,

because it's an almost perfect example

jer je to skoro savršen primer čoveka potpuno usredsređenog na jednu ženu.

of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman.

It's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody

Kada ste ludo zaljubljeni u nekoga

and you walk into a parking lot --

i kada dođete na parking,

their car is different from every other car in the parking lot.

za Vas su kola te osobe drugačija od svih ostalih na parkingu.

Their wine glass at dinner

Njihova vinska čaša je drugačija od svih ostalih čaša za stolom.

is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party.

And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.

U ovoj pesmi, čovek se zaljubio u ležaljku od bambusa.

And it goes like this.

Pesmu je napisao Juan Čeng i glasi:

It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen.

''Ne mogu da ostavim ležaljku od bambusa.

"I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat.

The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out."

Noći kad sam te kući doneo, posmatrah kako se prostireš.''

He became hooked on a sleeping mat,

On se zaljubio u ležaljku,

probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain,

verovatno zbog povišene aktivnosti dopamina u mozgu.

just like with you and me.

Kao što se dešava kod svih nas.

But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning,

Osoba dobija poseban značaj,

you focus your attention on them.

usredsređujemo svoju pažnju na nju.

You aggrandize them.

Veličamo je. Ali smo i puni energije.

But you have intense energy.

As one Polynesian said, "I felt like jumping in the sky."

Kao što jedan Polinežanin reče: ''Poželeo sam da skočim u nebo.''

You're up all night. You're walking till dawn.

Ne spavamo celu noć. Hodamo sve do zore.

You feel intense elation when things are going well;

Osećamo jak zanos kada sve ide dobro,

mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly.

i grozan očaj kada loše krene.

Zaista zavisimo od te osobe.

Real dependence on this person.

As one businessman in New York said to me,

Jedan biznismen iz Njujorka mi je rekao: ''Sve što je ona volela, i ja sam voleo.''

"Anything she liked, I liked."

Simple. Romantic love is very simple.

Prosto. Romantična ljubav je vrlo prosta.

You become extremely sexually possessive.

Postajemo izuzetno seksualno posesivni.

You know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually,

Ako samo spavamo s nekim bez obaveza,

you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else.

nije nas briga da li ta osoba spava s nekim drugim.

But the moment you fall in love,

Ali kada se zaljubimo,

you become extremely sexually possessive of them.

postajemo izuzetno seksualno posesivni.

I think there's a Darwinian purpose to this.

Mislim da za to postoji jedan darvinovski razlog.

The whole point of this is to pull two people together

Cela svrha ljubavi je ujediniti dve osobe

strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.

dovoljno snažno da počnu da prave bebe.

But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving:

Glavna odlika romantične ljubavi je žudnja:

an intense craving to be with a particular person,

snažna žudnja da se bude s jednom osobom, ne samo seksualno već i emotivno.

not just sexually, but emotionally.

It would be nice to go to bed with them,

Bilo bi lepo otići u krevet s njom,

but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc.,

ali takođe želite da Vas zove telefonom, da izlazite, itd.

to tell you that they love you.

Da Vam kaže da Vas voli.

The other main characteristic is motivation.

Druga glavna odlika je motivacija.

The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

Motor u Vašem mozgu se pali i Vi želite tu osobu.

And last but not least, it is an obsession.

I na kraju, to je jedna obsesija.

Before I put these people in the MRI machine,

Pre nego što bih stavila ove ljude u skener,

I would ask them all kinds of questions.

postavljala bih im svakakva pitanja.

But my most important question was always the same.

Ali najvažnije pitanje je uvek bilo isto.

It was: "What percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?"

''Koliko vremena dnevno mislite na tu osobu?''

I svi bi rekli: ''Celi dan. Celu noć. Ne prestajem da mislim o njemu ili njoj."

And indeed, they would say,

"All day. All night.

I can never stop thinking about him or her."

And then, the very last question --

I poslednje pitanje koje bih im postavila -

I would always have to work myself up to this question,

Uvek bih morala da se pripremim za ovo pitanje,

because I'm not a psychologist.

jer ja nisam psiholog.

I don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation.

Ja ne radim sa osobama u bilo kakvoj traumatskoj situaciji.

My final question was always the same.

I moje poslednje pitanje je uvek bilo isto.

I would say, "Would you die for him or her?"

''Da li biste umrli za njega ili nju?''

And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!"

I zaista, svi bi rekli: ''Bih!''

as if I had asked them to pass the salt.

Kao da sam ih pitala da mi dodaju so.

I was just staggered by it.

Prosto sam bila zapanjena time.

So we scanned their brains,

Skenirali smo njihove mozgove dok posmatraju svoju ljubav i neku neutralnu sliku,

looking at a photograph of their sweetheart

and looking at a neutral photograph,

između čega bi dobili neki zadatak za odvlačenje pažnje.

with a distraction task in between.

Posmatrali smo isti mozak kada je bio veoma aktivan

So we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state

and when it was in a resting state.

i kada je bio u fazi odmaranja.

And we found activity in a lot of brain regions.

I otkrili smo aktivnost u mnogim delovima mozga.

I jedan od najvažnijih je deo

In fact, one of the most important was a brain region

that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine.

koji se aktivira kada osećate dejstvo kokaina.

And indeed, that's exactly what happens.

Zapravo, to je baš ono što se dešava.

I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion.

Shvatila sam da romantična ljubav nije emocija.

Oduvek sam mislila da je ona čitav niz emocija,

In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions,

od veoma snažnih do veoma slabih.

from very high to very low.

But actually, it's a drive.

Ali to je zapravo nagon. Nastaje radom mozga,

It comes from the motor of the mind,

the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind.

i to onog dela koji je odgovoran za žudnju.

The kind of part of the mind

To je onaj deo mozga koji je aktivan

when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate,

kada posežete za čokoladom,

when you want to win that promotion at work.

kada želite da dobijete unapređenje na poslu.

The motor of the brain.

To je rad mozga. To je nagon.

It's a drive.

And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive.

I mislim da je moćniji od seksualnog nagona.

Ako pitate nekoga da spava s Vam i oni Vam kažu: ''Ne, hvala.'',

You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you,

and they say, "No, thank you,"

ne poželite da se ubijete niti padate u depresiju.

you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression.

But certainly, around the world,

Ali, širom sveta ljudi koji su odbačeni u ljubavi, će ubiti za nju.

people who are rejected in love will kill for it.

People live for love.

Ljudi žive za ljubav. Ubijaju za ljubav. Umiru za ljubav.

They kill for love.

They die for love.

They have songs, poems, novels,

Imamo pesme, poeme, romane, skulpture, slike, mitove, legende.

sculptures, paintings, myths, legends.

In over 175 societies,

U preko 175 društava ljudi su ostavili svoj trag ovog moćnog moždanog sistema.

people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system.

I have come to think

Čak mislim da je to jedan od najmoćnijih moždanih sistema na svetu

it's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth

for both great joy and great sorrow.

kako zbog velike radosti tako i zbog velike tuge.

And I've also come to think

Takođe sam shvatila da je to jedan od tri

that it's one of three basically different brain systems

suštinski različita moždana sistema koji su evoluirali od parenja i razmnožavanja.

that evolved from mating and reproduction.

One is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification.

Jedan je seksualni nagon: žudnja za zadovoljenjem seksualnih potreba.

W.H. Auden called it an "intolerable neural itch,"

V. H. Oden je to nazvao ''nesnosivi nervni svrab'',

and indeed, that's what it is.

i zapravo, to i jeste baš to.

Malo Vam smeta, kao kad ste gladni.

It keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry.

The second of these three brain systems is romantic love:

Drugi moždani sistem je romantična ljubav:

that elation, obsession of early love.

zanos i obsesija rane ljubavi.

And the third brain system is attachment:

I treći moždani sistem je privrženost:

that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.

osećaj smirenosti i sigurnosti koji osećamo prema dugovremenom partneru.

And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there,

Mislim da je seksualni nagon evoluirao kako bi Vas naterao

looking for a whole range of partners.

da tražite čitav niz partnera.

You can feel it when you're just driving along in your car.

Možete da ga osetite i kada se samo vozite u kolima.

It can be focused on nobody.

Ne mora da bude usredsređen na određenu osobu.

I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy

Romantična ljubav je evoluirala kako bi usredsredila energiju za parenje

on just one individual at a time,

na samo jednu osobu,

thereby conserving mating time and energy.

čime se štedi vreme i energija za parenje.

And I think that attachment, the third brain system,

A treći moždani sistem, privrženost,

evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being

je evoluirao kako bi Vam omogućio da trpite to ljudsko biće,

at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.

bar toliko dugo da zajedno odgajite dete.

So with that preamble,

Sada bih želela da prodiskutujem o dva osnovna društvena trenda,

I want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends.

One of the last 10,000 years

od kojih jedan koji postoji već 10 000 godina a drugi poslednjih 25,

and the other, certainly of the last 25 years,

that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems:

i koji imaju uticaj na ova tri moždana sistema:

lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.

požudu, romantičnu ljubav i duboku privrženost prema partneru.

The first is women working, moving into the workforce.

Prvi trend je prelazak žena u radnu snagu.

Pregledala sam 130 društava u demografskim knjigama Ujedinjenih Nacija.

I've looked at 130 societies

through the demographic yearbooks of the United Nations.

Everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them,

U 129 od 130 društava, žene ne samo da ulaze na poslovno tržište -

women are not only moving into the job market --

sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market --

nekada veoma sporo ali sigurno ulaze -

and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women

već i polako sužavaju jaz između žena i muškaraca

in terms of economic power, health and education.

kada su u pitanju ekonomska moć, bogatstvo i obrazovanje.

It's very slow.

To ide vrlo sporo.

For every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend.

Na našoj planeti, za svaki trend postoji i kontra-trend.

We all know of them, but nevertheless --

Ali ipak, kako kaže stara arapska poslovica:

the Arabs say, "The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on."

''Psi mogu da laju, ali karavan ipak ide dalje.''

And, indeed, that caravan is moving on.

I zaista, i ovaj karavan ide dalje.

Women are moving back into the job market.

Žene se vraćaju na poslovno tržište.

And I say back into the job market, because this is not new.

Kažem 'vraćaju se' jer to nije ništa novo.

For millions of years, on the grasslands of Africa,

Milionima godina, na zelenim poljima Afrike,

žene su putovale na posao da sakupe povrće.

women commuted to work to gather their vegetables.

They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.

Kući su se vraćale sa 60-80% večere.

The double income family was the standard.

Porodica sa dvostrukom zaradom je bila standard.

And women were regarded as just as economically,

Žene i muškarci su bili jednaki u ekonomskom, društvenom i seksualnom pogledu.

socially and sexually powerful as men.

In short, we're really moving forward to the past.

Ukratko, mi zapravo idemo napred u prošlost.

Then, women's worst invention was the plow.

Onda, najgori izum žena je bio plug.

With the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful.

Od tada su muškarci dobili izuzetno važnu ulogu.

Women lost their ancient jobs as collectors,

Žene su izgubile svoje stare poslove sakupljača,

ali se sa industrijskom i post-industrijskom revolucijom

but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution

they're moving back into the job market.

vraćaju na poslovno tržište.

In short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago,

Ukratko, stiču status koji su imale pre milion godina,

10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago.

pre 10 000, 100 000 godina.

We are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions

Svedoci smo jedne od naistaknutijih tradicija u istoriji ljudske životinje.

in the history of the human animal.

I to će imati uticaja.

And it's going to have an impact.

I generally give a whole lecture

Ja obično držim celo predavanje o uticaju žena na biznis.

on the impact of women on the business community.

I'll say just a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love.

Sada ću reći samo par stvari, pa ću preći na seks i ljubav.

There's a lot of gender differences;

Postoje mnoge razlike među polovima.

anybody who thinks men and women are alike

Svako ko misli da su muškarci i žene slični, nikad nije imao sina i ćerku.

simply never had a boy and a girl child.

I don't know why they want to think that men and women are alike.

Ne znam žašto žele da misle da su muškarci i žene slični.

There's much we have in common,

Puno toga im je zajedničko,

but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common.

ali još više toga nije.

We are -- in the words of Ted Hughes,

"Mi smo", kao što reče Ted Hjugs,

"I think that we are like two feet. We need each other to get ahead."

"stvoreni kao dva stopala. Potrebni smo jedno drugome kako bi išli napred."

But we did not evolve to have the same brain.

Ali nismo evoluirali tako da imamo isti mozak.

And we're finding more and more gender differences in the brain.

I u mozgu otkrivamo sve više i više razlika među polovima.

I'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love.

Navešću samo par i onda preći na seks i ljubav.

One of them is women's verbal ability.

Jedna od njih je verbalna sposobnost žena. Žene umeju da pričaju.

Women can talk.

Women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation

Sposobnost žena da brzo nađu pravu reč. Osnovna artikulacija

goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle,

se povećava sredinom menstrualnog ciklusa kada je nivo estrogena najviši.

when estrogen levels peak.

But even at menstruation, they're better than the average man.

Ali čak i za vreme menstruacije, žene su bolje od prosečnog muškarca.

Women can talk.

Žene umeju da pričaju.

They've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools.

To su radile milionima godina, reči su njihovo oruđe.

They held that baby in front of their face,

Držale su bebu u naručju,

cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words.

tepale joj, grdile je i obrazovale rečima.

And, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.

I zaista, žene postaju veoma moćna sila.

Even in places like India and Japan,

Čak i u zemljama kao što su Indija i Japan,

where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market,

gde žene ne ulaze brzo na regularno poslovno tržište,

they're moving into journalism.

tamo počinju da se bave novinarstvom.

And I think that the television is like the global campfire.

Ja mislim da je televizija kao globalna logorska vatra.

We sit around it and it shapes our minds.

Mi sedimo oko nje i ona nam oblikuje umove.

Almost always, when I'm on TV, the producer who calls me,

Skoro uvek, kada sam na TV-u, producenti koji me pozovu,

who negotiates what we're going to say,

koji pregovaraju o tome šta ću da kažem, su žene.

is a woman.

In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said,

Solženjicin je jednom rekao,

''Imati dobrog pisca je isto što imati još jednu vladu.''

"To have a great writer is to have another government."

Today 54 percent of people who are writers in America are women.

54% pisaca u Americi su danas žene.

To je jedna od mnogih odlika žena

It's one of many, many characteristics that women have

that they will bring into the job market.

koje će one uneti u poslovno tržište.

They've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills.

One poseduju izvanredne pregovaračke sposobnosti.

They're highly imaginative.

Veoma su maštovite.

We now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning.

Sada nam je poznato moždano kolo imaginacije i dugoročnog planiranja.

They tend to be web thinkers.

Žene su često mrežni mislioci.

Because the female parts of the brain are better connected,

Delovi mozga su kod žena bolje povezani,

they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think,

te one često kada misle mogu da povežu više podataka,

put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes.

da ih postave u složenije obrasce, da vide više mogućnosti i rezultata.

They tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers,

Žene su kontekstualni, holistički ili kako ja to zovem mrežni mislioci.

what I call web thinkers.

Men tend to -- and these are averages --

Muškarci u proseku teže da se otarase svega nebitnog,

tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous,

focus on what they do,

fokusitaju se na radnju i kreću se po obrascu korak-po-korak.

and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern.

They're both perfectly good ways of thinking.

Oba ova načina razmišljanja su savršeno dobra.

We need both of them to get ahead.

I oba su nam potrebna da dalje napredujemo.

In fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world.

Zapravo, mnogo je više muškaraca genija na svetu.

And there's also many more male idiots in the world.

I takođe je mnogo više muškaraca idiota na svetu.

(Laughter)

When the male brain works well, it works extremely well.

Kada muški mozak funkcioniše dobro, onda funkcioniše izuzetno dobro.

And what I really think that we're doing is,

Ja mislim da se mi krećemo ka kolaborativnom društvu,

we're moving towards a collaborative society,

a society in which the talents of both men and women

društvu u kome su talenti i muškaraca i žena shvaćeni,

are becoming understood and valued and employed.

cenjeni i upotrebljeni.

But in fact, women moving into the job market

Ali, ulazak žena na poslovno tržište utiče

is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life.

na seks, romansu i porodični život.

Foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality.

Pre svega, žene počinju da izražavaju svoju seksualnost.

I'm always astonished when people come to me and say,

Zapanjena sam kada me ljudi pozovu i pitaju:

"Why is it that men are so adulterous?"

''Zašto muškarci toliko varaju?''

"Why do you think more men are adulterous than women?"

A ja kažem: ''Zašto mislite da muškarci više varaju nego žene?''

"Well, men are more adulterous!"

''Pa... muškarci više varaju!"

A ja pitam: "Šta mislite s kim ti muškarci spavaju?"

And I say, "Who do you think these men are sleeping with?"

I - prosta matematika!

(Laughter)

And -- basic math!

Anyway.

U svakom slučaju...

In the Western world,

Na zapadu, devojčice...

women start sooner at sex, have more partners,

Žene ranije stupaju u seksualne odnose, imaju više partnera,

express less remorse for the partners that they do,

manje osećaju krivicu zbog partnera,

marry later, have fewer children,

udaju se kasnije, imaju manje dece, napuštaju loše brakove zarad boljih.

leave bad marriages in order to get good ones.

We are seeing the rise of female sexual expression.

Svedoci smo uspona seksualnog izražavanja žena.

And, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression

I ponovo se krećemo ka seksualnom izražavanju

that we probably saw on the grasslands of Africa a million years ago,

koje je verovatno postojalo na pašnjacima Afrike pre milion godina,

because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see

jer to je seksualno izražavanje koje možemo da

in hunting and gathering societies today.

vidimo u lovačkim i sakupljačkim društvima danas.

We're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality.

Takođe se vraćamo na drevni oblik bračne jednakosti.

They're now saying that the 21st century

Priča se da će 21. vek

is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage,"

biti vek "simetričnog braka".

or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage."

Vek "drugarskog braka".

This is a marriage between equals,

To je brak jednakih.

moving forward to a pattern

Kreće se ka obrascu koji je u skladu sa drevnim ljudskim duhom.

that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.

We're also seeing a rise of romantic love.

Takođe smo svedoci uspona romantične ljubavi.

91 percent of American women and 86 percent of American men

91% Amerikanki i 86% Amerikanaca

would not marry somebody who had every single quality

se ne bi venčao s nekim ko ima sve kvalitete koje traže u partneru,

they were looking for in a partner,

if they were not in love with that person.

ako nisu zaljubljeni u tu osobu.

People around the world, in a study of 37 societies,

Iz studije o 37 društava, ljudi širom sveta

want to be in love with the person that they marry.

žele da budu zaljubljeni u osobu s kojom će se uzeti.

Indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.

Ugovoreni brakovi će nestati iz ljudskih života.

I even think that marriages might even become more stable

Čak mislim da će brakovi postati stabilniji

because of the second great world trend.

zbog drugog velikog svetskog trenda.

The first one being women moving into the job market,

Prvi trend je ulazak žena na poslovno tržište,

the second one being the aging world population.

a drugi je svetska populacija koja stari.

They're now saying that in America,

Danas se u Americi govori da

that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85.

je srednje doba doba do 85-te godine.

Because in that highest age category of 76 to 85,

Jer u navišoj kategoriji, 76-85,

as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them.

čak 40% ljudi ne fali ništa.

So we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.

Tako da vidimo pravo produženje srednjeg doba.

For one of my books, I looked at divorce data in 58 societies.

Za jednu od mojih knjiga sam pregledala podatke o razvodu u 58 društava.

And as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce.

Pokazalo se da, što su ljudi stariji, to se ređe razvode.

So the divorce rate right now is stable in America,

U Americi je stopa razvoda sada stabilna,

and it's actually beginning to decline.

i čak počinje da opada.

It may decline some more.

Možda će opasti i još više.

Čak bih rekla da sa vijagrom, zamenama za estrogen, za kukove,

I would even say that with Viagra,

estrogen replacement, hip replacements

and the incredibly interesting women

i neverovatno interesantnim ženama...

-- women have never been as interesting as they are now.

Žene nikad nisu bile tako interesantne kao danas.

Not at any time on this planet have women been so educated,

Nikada na ovom svetu nisu bile tako obrazovane, interesantne, tako sposobne.

so interesting, so capable.

And so I honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution

I iskreno mislim da, ako je ikada postojao trenutak u evoluciji

when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.

kada imamo priliku za dobre brakove, to je sada.

However, there's always kinds of complications in this.

Mada, tu se uvek nađu komplikacije.

These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love and attachment --

Ova tri moždana sistema: požuda, romantična ljubav i privrženost,

don't always go together.

ne idu uvek zajedno.

They can go together, by the way.

Oni mogu da idu zajedno.

That's why casual sex isn't so casual.

Zato seks bez obaveza nije baš takav.

With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine.

Sa orgazmom dobijate i mericu dopamina.

Dopamine's associated with romantic love,

Dopamin je povezan sa romantičnom ljubavi,

and you can just fall in love with somebody

pa možete da se zaljubite u nekoga s kim samo povremeno spavate.

who you're just having casual sex with.

With orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin --

Sa orgazmom dobijate i priliv oksitocina i vazopresina

those are associated with attachment.

koji su povezani sa privrženošću.

This is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody

Zato možete da osećate to kosmičko jedinstvo s nekim

after you've made love to them.

nakon što ste vodili ljubav.

But these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment,

Ali ova tri moždana sistema: požuda, romantična ljubav i privrženost,

aren't always connected to each other.

nisu uvek međusobno povezana.

You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner

Možete da osećate duboku privrženost prema dugoročnom partneru

while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else,

dok ste snažno zaljubljeni u nekog drugoga,

while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners.

i dok ste seksualno privučeni prema nekoj trećoj osobi.

In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time.

Ukratko, sposobni smo da volimo više osoba u isto vreme.

In fact, you can lie in bed at night

Čak, možete da ležite u krevetu

and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person

i da se prebacujete od dubokih osećanja privrženosti ka jednoj osobi,

to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else.

do dubokih osećanja zaljubljenosti prema nekom drugome.

It's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head

Kao da Vam se u glavi odigrava sastanak odbora

as you are trying to decide what to do.

a Vi pokušavate da odlučite šta da radite.

So I don't think, honestly,

Iskreno, mislim da smo mi životinja koja nije stvorena da bude srećna.

we're an animal that was built to be happy;

we are an animal that was built to reproduce.

Već životinja koja je stvorena da se razmnožava.

I think the happiness we find, we make.

A sreću sami pronalazimo i stvaramo.

And I think, however,

Ipak, mislim da možemo da imamo dobre međuljudske odnose.

we can make good relationships with each other.

So I want to conclude with two things.

Želela bih da zaključim sa dve stvari.

Želela bih da zaključim sa brigom.

I want to conclude with a worry,

Imam jednu brigu - i jednu divnu priču.

and with a wonderful story.

Brinu me antidepresivi.

The worry is about antidepressants.

Preko 100 miliona recepata za antidepresive se izda svake godine u USA.

Over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants

are written every year in the United States.

And these drugs are going generic.

I upotreba ovih lekova se širi.

They are seeping around the world.

Širom sveta.

I know one girl who's been on these antidepressants,

Znam jednu devojčicu koja je na antidepresivima

SSRIs, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13.

za povećanje nivoa serotonina, od 13-te godine.

She's 23. She's been on them ever since she was 13.

Sada ima 23. Koristi ih od 13-te godine.

I've got nothing against people who take them short term,

Nemam ništa protiv ljudi koji ih koriste na kratko,

when they're going through something horrible.

kada prolaze kroz nešto jako teško.

They want to commit suicide or kill somebody else.

Kada žele da se ubiju ili možda ubiju negog drugog.

I would recommend it.

U tom slučaju ih preporučujem.

But more and more people in the United States

Ali sve više i više ljudi u SAD ih uzima na duži period.

are taking them long term.

I ovi lekovi povećavaju nivo serotonina.

And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin.

And by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit.

I sa povećanjem nivoa serotonina se otežava dotok dopamina.

Everybody knows that.

Svi to znaju.

Dopamine is associated with romantic love.

Dopamin je povezan sa romantičnom ljubavi.

Not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit,

Ne samo da se otežava priliv dopamina, već se ubija seksualni nagon.

but they kill the sex drive.

And when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm.

A kada ubijete seksualni nagon, ubijate i orgazam.

And when you kill orgasm,

A kada ubijete orgazam, ubijate i protok droga koje su povezane sa privrženošću.

you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment.

The things are connected in the brain.

Sve ove stvari su povezane u mozgu.

And when you tamper with one brain system,

I kada se igrate jednim moždanim sistemom,

you're going to tamper with another.

to će imati uticaja i na ostale.

I'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.

Jednostavno kažem da je svet bez ljubavi grozno mesto.

So now --

(Applause)

Sada... Hvala.

Thank you.

Želela bih da završim jednom pričom. I nakon toga - komentar.

I want to end with a story.

And then, just a comment.

I've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years.

Seks i romantičnu ljubav proučavam 30 godina.

Ja sam blizanac, interesuje me zašto smo svi mi slični.

I'm an identical twin; I am interested in why we're all alike.

Why you and I are alike, why the Iraqis and the Japanese

Zašto smo Vi i ja slični, zašto su Iračani i Japanci

and the Australian Aborigines and the people of the Amazon River

i australijski Aboridžini i ljudi sa Amazona svi slični.

are all alike.

And about a year ago,

Pre godinu dana služba za sparivanje na internetu, Match.com,

an Internet dating service, Match.com, came to me

and asked me if I would design a new dating site for them.

me je pitala da dizajniram novi sajt za njih.

I said, "I don't know anything about personality. You know?

Rekla sam im: "Ja ne znam ništa o ljudskim karakterima.

I don't know. Do you think you've got the right person?"

Mislite li sam ja prava osoba za to?"

They said, "Yes."

Rekli su: "Jesi."

It got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love

Navelo me je da razmislim o tome zašto se zaljubljujemo baš u te određene ljude.

with one person rather than another.

That's my current project; it will be my next book.

To je moj trenutni projekat i biće moja sledeća knjiga.

There's all kinds of reasons

Mnogo je razloga zašto se zaljubljujemo baš u neku određenu osobu.

that you fall in love with one person rather than another.

Timing is important. Proximity is important.

Vreme je bitno. Blizina je bitna.

Mystery is important.

Misterija je bitna. Zaljubljujemo se u ljude koji su nekako misteriozni,

You fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious,

delom zbog toga što misterija povećava nivo dopamina u mozgu,

in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain,

probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love.

i verovatno nas tera da se zaljubimo.

You fall in love with somebody

Zaljubljujemo se u osobe koje se uklapaju u našu "ljubavnu mapu",

who fits within what I call your "love map,"

an unconscious list of traits

nesvesnu listu odlika koje gradimo tokom detinjstva i odrastanja.

that you build in childhood as you grow up.

And I also think that you gravitate to certain people,

Takođe mislim da

nas privlače izvesne osobe, sa komplementarnim moždanim sistemima.

actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems.

And that's what I'm now contributing to this.

To je moj doprinos ovome.

But I want to tell you a story, to illustrate.

Želela bih da Vam ispričam priču - ilustracije radi.

I've been carrying on here about the biology of love.

Pričala sam ovde o biologiji ljubavi.

I wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too,

Takođe bih želela da Vam pokažem nešto i o njenoj kulturi,

the magic of it.

o njenoj magiji.

It's a story that was told to me

Ovu priču mi je ispričao neko ko ju je čuo opet od nekog drugog...

by somebody who had heard it just from one --

probably a true story.

Verovatno je istinita priča.

Priča o studentu... Ja radim na Rutgersu a moje kolege

It was a graduate student -- I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues --

Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook.

Art Aron radi na Sani Stoni Bruku.

That's where we put our people in the MRI machine.

Tamo ljude stavljamo u moždani skener.

And this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student,

Ovaj student je bio ludo zaljubljen u jednu studentkinju,

and she was not in love with him.

koja nije bila zaljubljena u njega.

And they were all at a conference in Beijing.

Jednom su bili zajedno na konferenciji u Pekingu.

On je iz našeg rada znao da ako s nekim uradiš nešto skroz novo,

And he knew from our work

that if you go and do something very novel with somebody,

you can drive up the dopamine in the brain,

možeš da povećaš nivo dopamina u mozgu.

and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love.

I možda aktiviraš moždani sistem za romantičnu ljubav.

(Laughter)

Odlučio je da nauku sprovede u delo,

So he decided he'd put science to work.

pa ju je pozvao da ide na vožnju rikšom s njim.

And he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.

And sure enough -- I've never been in one,

Ja se nikad nisam vozila u rikši,

but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks

ali pretpostavljam da su išli po celom gradu pored buseva i kamiona,

and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting.

i sigurno da je bilo ludo, bučno i uzbudljivo.

He figured that this would drive up the dopamine,

On je mislio da će to da aktivira dopamin,

and she'd fall in love with him.

i da će se ona zaljubiti u njega.

So off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him

I krenuli su, ona vrišti i pribija se uz njega.

Smeju se i odlično se provode.

and laughing and having a wonderful time.

An hour later they get down off of the rickshaw,

Nakom sat vremena silaze sa rikše,

and she throws her hands up and she says,

ona širi ruke i kaže: "Nije li ovo bilo divno?"

"Wasn't that wonderful?"

And, "Wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!"

"I kako je zgodan onaj vozač rikše!"

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

There's magic to love!

Ljubav je magična!

(Applause)

But I will end by saying that millions of years ago,

Na kraju ću reći da su nam pre milion godina evoluirala tri osnovna nagona:

we evolved three basic drives:

the sex drive, romantic love

seksualni, nagon za romantičnom ljubavi i privrženošću prema dugoročnom partneru.

and attachment to a long-term partner.

Ovi sistemi su usađeni duboko u ljudskom mozgu.

These circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain.

They're going to survive as long as our species survives

Opstaće onoliko dugo koliko naša vrsta opstane

on what Shakespeare called "this mortal coil."

u onom što je Šekspir nazvao "ovaj smrtni kotur".

Thank you.

Hvala Vam.

Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!

(Applause)