Why we love, why we cheat | Helen Fisher

Translator: Nedra Fu Reviewer: Mandy Lo

I'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends

今日我想跟大家講吓未來世紀兩個最大嘅社會趨勢

in the coming century,

and perhaps in the next 10,000 years.

或者會係未來一萬年嘅事。

But I want to start with my work on romantic love,

但我想由我對浪漫愛情嘅研究講起

because that's my most recent work.

因為呢樣係我最近期嘅工作

What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love,

我同我啲同事將32個瘋狂地戀愛緊嘅人

into a functional MRI brain scanner.

放入一部大腦功能磁力共振掃描儀

17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted;

其中17個相戀緊嘅人，佢哋嘅愛有被對方接受

and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped.

其餘15個人都係瘋狂地愛緊，但佢哋啱啱被人拋棄

我想同你哋講呢件事先

And so I want to tell you about that first,

and then go on into where I think love is going.

然後再講我覺得愛情會點樣發展

(Laughter)

"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said.

莎士比亞問「愛係乜嘢?」

I think our ancestors --

我認為，我們嘅祖先 - 我認為人類一直都喺度思索呢個問題

I think human beings have been wondering about this question

從他們在100萬年前，圍着營火而坐，觀看星際的時候開始

since they sat around their campfires

or lay and watched the stars a million years ago.

I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was

我開始嘗試了解浪漫愛情係乜嘢

by looking at the last 45 years of the psychological research

睇翻過去45年以來嘅研究 - 淨係關於心理學嘅研究

and as it turns out,

我發現當人墜入愛河嘅時候，以下一系列嘅事會發生

there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love.

The first thing that happens is,

首先發生嘅就是，我所講嘅

a person begins to take on what I call, "special meaning."

一個人開始產生我所講嘅「特殊意義」

As a truck driver once said to me,

正如一位貨車司機曾經對我講

"The world had a new center, and that center was Mary Anne."

佢講：「世界有咗一個新嘅中心點，而呢個中心就係瑪麗安妮」

George Bernard Shaw said it differently.

蕭伯納嘅講法有啲唔同

"Love consists of overestimating the differences

佢話：「愛情係高估咗一個女人同另一個女人之間嘅差別」

between one woman and another."

事實就係咁樣（眾笑)

And indeed, that's what we do.

(Laughter)

And then you just focus on this person.

然後你淨係集中喺呢個人身上

You can list what you don't like about them,

你可以列出你唔喜歡佢地乜嘢

but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do.

但你可以將呢啲嘢放理一邊，淨係專注你自己所做嘅嘢

As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."

正如喬叟講：「愛情係盲目嘅」

In trying to understand romantic love,

為咗嘗試了解浪漫愛情

I decided I would read poetry from all over the world,

我決定翻讀世界各地嘅詩歌韻文

and I just want to give you one very short poem

我想同你分享一段來自第八世紀中國嘅短詩

from eighth-century China,

because it's an almost perfect example

佢將一個專注地鍾情於一個女人嘅男人描述得淋漓盡致

of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman.

It's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody

就好似當你瘋狂地愛上咗一個人

and you walk into a parking lot --

當你入到一個停車場嘅時候

their car is different from every other car in the parking lot.

嗰個人部車同停車場入面嘅其他車係唔同嘅

Their wine glass at dinner

就算係晚宴嘅時候，佢哋嘅酒杯都特別同宴會上其他人嘅酒杯唔同

is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party.

And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.

而喺呢一首詩入面，一個男人對一張竹蓆情有獨鍾

And it goes like this.

呢首詩嘅作者係元稹，内容係

It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen.

「竹簟衬重茵，未忍都令卷

"I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat.

The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out."

忆昨初来日，看君自施展」

He became hooked on a sleeping mat,

他迷上咗嗰一張蓆

probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain,

可能係因為佢大腦嘅多巴胺提升咗

just like with you and me.

就好似你同我一樣

But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning,

呢個人唔單只產生咗特別嘅意義

you focus your attention on them.

你會專注予他們

You aggrandize them.

你會誇大佢。而你會有強烈嘅能量

But you have intense energy.

As one Polynesian said, "I felt like jumping in the sky."

正如一位波利尼西亞人講，「我想喺天上面跳」

You're up all night. You're walking till dawn.

你可以成晚唔瞓。你可以行路到天亮

You feel intense elation when things are going well;

事情進展順利嘅時候，你會覺得無比喜悅

mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly.

但當遇到任何唔如意嘅事，你嘅情緒可以波動到絕望同可怕嘅程度

你會變得好依賴呢個人

Real dependence on this person.

As one businessman in New York said to me,

正如一位喺紐約嘅商人對我講，佢話「佢鍾意乜，我就鍾意乜。」

"Anything she liked, I liked."

Simple. Romantic love is very simple.

簡單。浪漫愛情是很簡單的。

You become extremely sexually possessive.

你嘅性佔有欲會變得好強

You know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually,

你知道，如果你隨便同一個人上床

you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else.

你不會介意佢同其他人上床

But the moment you fall in love,

但是，當你愛上一個人嘅時候

you become extremely sexually possessive of them.

你對佢嘅性佔有欲會變得非常強烈

I think there's a Darwinian purpose to this.

從達爾文理論來講，我認為這一點是有意義嘅

The whole point of this is to pull two people together

整個目的就係將兩人拉埋一齊

strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.

等佢地可以一齊開始照顧嬰兒

But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving:

但係，浪漫愛情嘅主要特徵係渴望

an intense craving to be with a particular person,

對某一個人產生嘅強烈渴望，唔單只喺性欲上，喺感情上都係

not just sexually, but emotionally.

It would be nice to go to bed with them,

你寧願 - 同但上床都唔錯

but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc.,

但你希望佢會打電話畀你，約你去街，等等

to tell you that they love you.

然後對你講，佢愛你

The other main characteristic is motivation.

另一個主要嘅特點係動力

The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

你大腦嘅摩打會開始郁，你想得到呢個人

And last but not least, it is an obsession.

最後，但唔可以忽視嘅，愛係一種痴迷

Before I put these people in the MRI machine,

當我將嗰啲人放入磁力共振掃描儀之前

I would ask them all kinds of questions.

我會問佢地各種問題

But my most important question was always the same.

但係，最重要嗰個問題是一樣嘅

It was: "What percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?"

呢個問題係：「一日一夜之中，百分之幾嘅時間你會諗住呢個人？」

佢地眞係會講「成日。成晚。我無辦法唔去諗佢。」

And indeed, they would say,

"All day. All night.

I can never stop thinking about him or her."

And then, the very last question --

然後，最後一個問題，我會問佢地 --

I would always have to work myself up to this question,

我每次都要為呢個問題作好心理準備

because I'm not a psychologist.

因為我唔係心理學家

I don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation.

喺工作上，我唔會接觸到受過創傷嘅人

My final question was always the same.

而我最後嗰個問題每次都係一樣

I would say, "Would you die for him or her?"

我會問「你會唔會為佢而死呀？」

And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!"

而事實上，呢啲人會答「會！」

as if I had asked them to pass the salt.

就好像我問佢地可唔可以遞啲鹽過來

I was just staggered by it.

真係好得人驚

So we scanned their brains,

所以，我哋掃描佢哋嘅大腦，畀佢哋睇吓佢哋情人嘅相片，然後畀佢哋睇一張沒乜特別嘅相片

looking at a photograph of their sweetheart

and looking at a neutral photograph,

仲有畀一啲令佢哋分心嘅任務

with a distraction task in between.

咁我哋就可以發現 - 睇住同一個腦袋，當佢興奮嘅狀態

So we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state

and when it was in a resting state.

同當佢靜止嘅狀態

And we found activity in a lot of brain regions.

我哋發現喺多個大腦區域都有活動

事實上，最重要嘅就係其中一個大腦區域

In fact, one of the most important was a brain region

that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine.

呢個大腦區域受到可卡因刺激時會活躍起來

And indeed, that's exactly what happens.

事實上就係咁樣

I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion.

我開始明白，浪漫愛情并唔係一種情感

我一直認為佢係一系列嘅情緒

In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions,

從極高至極低

from very high to very low.

But actually, it's a drive.

但實際上，佢係一個驅動器。佢來自於意念中嘅摩打

It comes from the motor of the mind,

the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind.

意念中希望嗰一部分，意念中渴望嗰一部分。

The kind of part of the mind

呢種意念 - 就好似

when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate,

當你伸手去攞嗰一塊朱古力

when you want to win that promotion at work.

當你想升職嘅時侯

The motor of the brain.

大腦入面嘅摩打，係一個驅動器

It's a drive.

And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive.

而事實上，我覺得佢比性慾更強烈

你諗吓，如果你要求一個人同你上床，然後佢話「唔好啦，多謝」

You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you,

and they say, "No, thank you,"

你一定不會因為咁而自殺或者陷入抑鬱症

you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression.

But certainly, around the world,

但係，世界各地，肯定有好多被愛拒絕嘅人都甘心為佢而死

people who are rejected in love will kill for it.

People live for love.

人為愛而生。為愛殺人。為愛而死。

They kill for love.

They die for love.

They have songs, poems, novels,

佢哋有歌曲，詩歌，小說，雕塑，繪畫，神話，傳說。

sculptures, paintings, myths, legends.

In over 175 societies,

喺超過175個社會裹面，都有呢樣強大嘅大腦系統留低嘅證據

people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system.

I have come to think

我認為呢個係地球上最勁嘅大腦系統

it's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth

for both great joy and great sorrow.

佢同時產生無比喜悅同無比悲痛

And I've also come to think

我認為，佢係三個之中嘅一個

that it's one of three basically different brain systems

基本上經交配同繁殖演變出來嘅大腦系統，

that evolved from mating and reproduction.

One is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification.

第一係性慾，追求滿足性嘅欲望

W.H. Auden called it an "intolerable neural itch,"

W.H.奧登叫佢做「頂唔順嘅神經癢」

and indeed, that's what it is.

而事實上就係咁

佢一直煩住你一啲啲，就好似肚餓咁

It keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry.

The second of these three brain systems is romantic love:

第二個大腦系統係浪漫嘅愛情

that elation, obsession of early love.

嗰種歡欣鼓舞，痴迷嘅熱戀

And the third brain system is attachment:

第三個大腦系統係依戀感

that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.

你可以喺老伴身邊感受到嘅平靜同安全

And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there,

我認為性慾嘅進化係為咗帶你走來

looking for a whole range of partners.

去搵一系列嘅伴侶

You can feel it when you're just driving along in your car.

你知道，當你開車嗰陣時你可以感受到

It can be focused on nobody.

注意力唔使特別用喺任何人身上

I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy

我覺得愛情係進化出來嘅，令你能夠集中交配嘅精力

on just one individual at a time,

任何時間都只係响一個人身上

thereby conserving mating time and energy.

以節省交配時間同精力

And I think that attachment, the third brain system,

而我認為，依戀感，第三個大腦系統

evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being

進化來使你能夠容忍呢個人（眾笑）

at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.

等你們有至少足夠時間一齊養大一個細路

So with that preamble,

以此序言，我想討論兩個最深長嘅社會趨勢

I want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends.

One of the last 10,000 years

過往一萬年- 至少係過去25年 -

and the other, certainly of the last 25 years,

that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems:

對呢三個不同嘅大腦系統會有一定嘅影響

lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.

對一個伴侶嘅性慾望，愛情同依戀感

The first is women working, moving into the workforce.

首先係婦女工作，進入勞動市場

我從聯合國人口年鑑中查看咗150 或130個社會

I've looked at 130 societies

through the demographic yearbooks of the United Nations.

Everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them,

喺世界各地，130個國家，其中有129個，婦女唔單只進入就業市場 --

women are not only moving into the job market --

sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market --

雖然有時係非常，非常緩慢地，但佢地都進入緊就業市場 --

and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women

而男女之間喺經濟實力，衛生同教育方面

in terms of economic power, health and education.

嘅差距慢慢咁縮細

It's very slow.

好慢咁縮細

For every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend.

每一個趨勢 - 喺呢個星球上，都有一個反趨勢

We all know of them, but nevertheless --

我地都知道佢地嘅存在，然而 - 正如阿拉伯古語

the Arabs say, "The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on."

阿拉伯人話「狗可以吠，但車隊仍會向前行」

And, indeed, that caravan is moving on.

而事實上，呢隊車隊向緊前行

Women are moving back into the job market.

婦女重返就業市場

And I say back into the job market, because this is not new.

我話重返就業市場，因為呢樣並唔係新事

For millions of years, on the grasslands of Africa,

幾百萬年以來，喺非洲嘅草原上

婦女為工作而通勤，收集佢地嘅蔬菜

women commuted to work to gather their vegetables.

They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.

佢地帶百分之六十至八十嘅晚餐返屋企

The double income family was the standard.

雙收入家庭係當時嘅標準

And women were regarded as just as economically,

經濟上，社會上同性權力上，當時婦女嘅力量同男人不相百仲

socially and sexually powerful as men.

In short, we're really moving forward to the past.

總之，我地就好似返番去以前

Then, women's worst invention was the plow.

然後，對婦女來講，最弊嘅發明就係犁

With the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful.

隨著人開始用犁耕作後，男人喺角色變得非常強大

Women lost their ancient jobs as collectors,

婦女失去咗佢地以往採集者嘅任務

但隨着工業革命同後工業革命

but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution

they're moving back into the job market.

佢地返回就業市場

In short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago,

簡言之，佢地重新得到佢地喺100萬年前擁有嘅地位

10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago.

一萬年前，十萬年前。

We are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions

我地依家睇嘅係人類歷史上一個最顯著嘅傳統

in the history of the human animal.

而佢係會產生影響嘅

And it's going to have an impact.

I generally give a whole lecture

我通常會用成個講議講婦女喺商界嘅影響

on the impact of women on the business community.

I'll say just a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love.

我今日只會略略講一下，然後再講性同愛

There's a lot of gender differences;

性別上嘅差異有好多

anybody who thinks men and women are alike

認為男人跟女人是相同嘅人大慨從來未試過帶大一個男孩同一個女孩吧

simply never had a boy and a girl child.

I don't know why they want to think that men and women are alike.

我唔知道佢地點解認為男人因女人都是一樣嘅

There's much we have in common,

我地有好多共通點，但喺很多方面

but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common.

我地無共通點

We are -- in the words of Ted Hughes,

我地係 - 引用泰德休斯嘅話

"I think that we are like two feet. We need each other to get ahead."

「我認為，我地係專登生成咁樣嘅 - 我地就好似兩隻腳。我地需要對方先至可以前進」

But we did not evolve to have the same brain.

但係，我地無進化到個大腦一樣

And we're finding more and more gender differences in the brain.

我地從大腦中發現越來越多性別上嘅差異

I'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love.

我只舉幾個例子，然後就講性與愛。

One of them is women's verbal ability.

其中之一是女人嘅口頭表達能力。女人好講得。

Women can talk.

Women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation

女人有迅速地選擇合適嘅詞語同基本發音嘅能力，而呢個能力

goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle,

係會隨着雌激素水平上升而題升，喺月經週期嘅中段達到高峰

when estrogen levels peak.

But even at menstruation, they're better than the average man.

但即使喺月經期間，佢地嘅語言能力都仲係比一般男人強

Women can talk.

女人十分「講得」

They've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools.

數百萬年來佢地一直都係咁;文字係婦女嘅工具

They held that baby in front of their face,

佢地將嬰兒放喺面前

cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words.

哄佢，譴責佢，教佢講嘢

And, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.

而事實上，佢地成為緊一股非常強大嘅力量

Even in places like India and Japan,

即使喺印度同日本呢啲國家

where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market,

儘管婦女未能迅速地進入正規就業市場

they're moving into journalism.

佢地好多時投身新聞界

And I think that the television is like the global campfire.

我認為電視就好似全球性嘅營火

We sit around it and it shapes our minds.

我地圍着佢坐，佢塑造着我地嘅思想

Almost always, when I'm on TV, the producer who calls me,

幾乎每次，當我電視上嘅時候，打電話俾我嘅制片人都係女人

who negotiates what we're going to say,

同我地談判演講內容嘅總係一個女人

is a woman.

In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said,

事實上，索爾仁尼琴曾經講過

「有一個好嘅筆者就係有另一個政府」

"To have a great writer is to have another government."

Today 54 percent of people who are writers in America are women.

今日，美國百分之五十四嘅作家係女人。

呢樣係女性許多，許多特色之其一

It's one of many, many characteristics that women have

that they will bring into the job market.

佢地可以將呢個能力帶入就業市場

They've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills.

佢地有令人難以置信嘅人際技巧，談判技巧

They're highly imaginative.

佢地好有想像力

We now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning.

我地依家知道想像力同長期規劃能力嘅大腦電路系統

They tend to be web thinkers.

佢地往往係網絡思想家

Because the female parts of the brain are better connected,

由於女性嘅大腦部分比男人嘅連接得更好

they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think,

當女人思考時，佢地往往會收集更多嘅數據

put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes.

將佢地放入複雜嘅模式，睇到更多選擇同結果

They tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers,

佢地往往着重於關聯性嘅，整體嘅思想家，我所稱之為嘅網絡思想家

what I call web thinkers.

Men tend to -- and these are averages --

男性嘅傾向係 - 普遍來講 - 往往拋開佢地認為無關嘅

tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous,

focus on what they do,

淨係專注於佢地做緊嘅嘢，並用一步一步嘅思維模式運作

and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern.

They're both perfectly good ways of thinking.

呢兩種都是非常好嘅思維方式

We need both of them to get ahead.

我地需要有呢兩種思維方式先可以成功

In fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world.

事實上，世上嘅男天才比女嘅多

And there's also many more male idiots in the world.

但世上嘅男白痴就更多（眾笑）

(Laughter)

When the male brain works well, it works extremely well.

當男性大腦運作良好嘅時候，佢可運作得非常好。

And what I really think that we're doing is,

我確實認為我地建立緊一個合作性嘅社會

we're moving towards a collaborative society,

a society in which the talents of both men and women

喺呢個社會入面，越來越多人會理解男性同女性嘅才能

are becoming understood and valued and employed.

而被重視同使用

But in fact, women moving into the job market

但事實上，婦女進入就業市場正產生緊巨大嘅影響

is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life.

喺性，感情同家庭生活方面

Foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality.

最重要嘅係，女性正開始表達佢地嘅性特性

I'm always astonished when people come to me and say,

我總覺得驚訝，當人哋同我講：

"Why is it that men are so adulterous?"

「男人點解咁鍾意去滾呢?」

"Why do you think more men are adulterous than women?"

我會講：「你點解覺得男人去滾多過女人呢？」

"Well, men are more adulterous!"

「哦，總之男人就係鍾意去滾多啲！」

我會講，「咁你認為呢啲男人會同咩人上床呀？」

And I say, "Who do you think these men are sleeping with?"

基本嘅數學！（眾笑）

(Laughter)

And -- basic math!

Anyway.

總之。

In the Western world,

喺西方世界裡面，細路女開始 -

women start sooner at sex, have more partners,

女性較早有性行為，而且有更多嘅性伴侶

express less remorse for the partners that they do,

對佢地有過嘅伴侶比較少後悔

marry later, have fewer children,

晚婚，少生細路，會離開唔愉快嘅婚姻，去得到更好嘅婚姻

leave bad marriages in order to get good ones.

We are seeing the rise of female sexual expression.

我地睇到女性嘅性表達加強

And, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression

而事實上，我地再次邁向嘅性表現

that we probably saw on the grasslands of Africa a million years ago,

可能就好似我地一百萬年前喺非洲嘅草原見過嘅

because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see

因為呢種性表現就好似我哋

in hunting and gathering societies today.

今日喺狩獵同採集性嘅社會裡面可以睇看到嘅

We're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality.

我地有番古老嘅平等形式婚姻

They're now saying that the 21st century

啲人依家話，二十一世紀

is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage,"

會係佢地所講嘅「對稱婚姻」嘅世紀

or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage."

或者「純粹婚姻」，或者「伴侶婚姻」

This is a marriage between equals,

呢樣係一個平等夥伴之間嘅婚姻

moving forward to a pattern

返番去一個配合古代人類精神嘅模式

that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.

We're also seeing a rise of romantic love.

我地亦都見到浪漫愛情嘅興起

91 percent of American women and 86 percent of American men

百分之91嘅美國女性，同百分之86嘅美國男人

would not marry somebody who had every single quality

不會同一個合符嗮佢地要求嘅人結婚

they were looking for in a partner,

if they were not in love with that person.

除非佢愛嗰個人

People around the world, in a study of 37 societies,

世界各地嘅人，喺37個社會嘅研究

want to be in love with the person that they marry.

希望會愛佢地嘅結婚對象

Indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.

事實上，盲婚啞嫁嘅包辦婚姻正漸漸没落

I even think that marriages might even become more stable

我甚至認為婚姻可能會變得更加穩定

because of the second great world trend.

因為世界上第二大嘅趨勢

The first one being women moving into the job market,

第一個係婦女進入就業市場

the second one being the aging world population.

第二個係世界人口老齡化

They're now saying that in America,

人地依家話，喺美國，

that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85.

到85歲都仲係算係中年

Because in that highest age category of 76 to 85,

因為就算係呢個最高嘅年齡組別，76至85歲 --

as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them.

差唔多百分之四十嘅人身體冇乜問題

So we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.

所以，我哋睇到中年嘅延長

For one of my books, I looked at divorce data in 58 societies.

我查過 - 為我嘅一本書，我查過58個社會離婚嘅數據

And as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce.

我發現，你年紀越大，離婚嘅可能性就越低

So the divorce rate right now is stable in America,

因此，美國依家嘅離婚率穩定

and it's actually beginning to decline.

實際上開始跌

It may decline some more.

可能仲會再跌低啲

我甚至覺得，隨著偉哥，雌激素補充，髖關節置換

I would even say that with Viagra,

estrogen replacement, hip replacements

and the incredibly interesting women

同埋難以置信地有趣嘅女人

-- women have never been as interesting as they are now.

--女人從來未試過好似佢地依家咁有趣

Not at any time on this planet have women been so educated,

喺呢個星球，女人從來未試過好似依家咁高教育，咁有味道，咁能幹

so interesting, so capable.

And so I honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution

所以，我眞係認為，如果喺人類進化史上

when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.

我們有機會搞好婚姻，依家就係時候

However, there's always kinds of complications in this.

但係，有啲嘢都幾複雜

These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love and attachment --

呢三個大腦系統：性慾，浪漫愛情同依戀

don't always go together.

唔一定成日都可以一齊

They can go together, by the way.

但佢地係可以兼容嘅

That's why casual sex isn't so casual.

所以隨便嘅性交並唔係咁隨便嘅

With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine.

隨着性高潮，你大腦會產生多巴胺

Dopamine's associated with romantic love,

多巴胺關聯到浪漫愛情

and you can just fall in love with somebody

所以你可以愛上一個隨便性交嘅伴侶

who you're just having casual sex with.

With orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin --

有咗性高潮，你會產生大量嘅催產素同加壓素

those are associated with attachment.

使你聯系到依戀感

This is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody

因為咁，你可以感受到同另一個人嘅宇宙結合

after you've made love to them.

當你同佢造完愛之後

But these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment,

但呢三個大腦系統：性慾，浪漫愛情同依戀

aren't always connected to each other.

並唔一定係彼此相連嘅

You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner

你可以對你嘅長期伴侶有深厚感情同依戀

while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else,

同時可以對另一個人有強烈嘅浪漫愛情感覺

while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners.

同時又可對其他人有性慾

In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time.

總之，同一時間我哋能夠愛多過一個人

In fact, you can lie in bed at night

事實上，當你夜晚瞓喺床上面

and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person

你嘅感覺可以從對一個人深厚的依附轉到

to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else.

對另一個人嘅浪漫愛意

It's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head

就好像喺你個腦袋裏面開緊一個委員會會議

as you are trying to decide what to do.

正當你試圖決定點做

So I don't think, honestly,

所以坦白講，我唔認為，我哋呢樣生物，注定係快樂嘅

we're an animal that was built to be happy;

we are an animal that was built to reproduce.

人類呢樣動物係為繁殖而生嘅

I think the happiness we find, we make.

我認為，我哋揾到嘅幸福係要靠我哋自己去創造嘅

And I think, however,

不過，我認為我哋可以建立良好嘅關係

we can make good relationships with each other.

So I want to conclude with two things.

因此，我想總結兩件事

我想以憂慮來總結

I want to conclude with a worry,

我有一個憂慮 - 同一個美好嘅故事

and with a wonderful story.

我擔心嘅係對抗抑鬱嘅藥物

The worry is about antidepressants.

每年喺美國有超過一億張抗抑鬱藥嘅處方被派發

Over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants

are written every year in the United States.

And these drugs are going generic.

而呢啲藥物變得通用

They are seeping around the world.

佢地滲透世界各地

I know one girl who's been on these antidepressants,

我認識一個使用呢啲抗抑鬱藥嘅女仔，增強五羥色胺嘅藥

SSRIs, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13.

從佢13歲開始，佢一直使用再攝取抑製劑 - 加強羥色胺嘅抗抑鬱藥

She's 23. She's been on them ever since she was 13.

佢依家23歲。佢從13歲開始就一直使用呢啲藥物

I've got nothing against people who take them short term,

我唔反對人哋短期性地使用呢啲藥物

when they're going through something horrible.

當佢哋經歷緊非常可怕嘅事情

They want to commit suicide or kill somebody else.

當佢地想自殺或殺死人哋嘅時候

I would recommend it.

我會推薦佢地用呢啲藥物

But more and more people in the United States

但係，喺美國越來越多人長期服用呢啲藥物

are taking them long term.

事實上，呢啲藥物嘅作用係提高羥色胺嘅水平

And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin.

And by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit.

提高咗羥色胺嘅水平，多巴胺會被抑制

Everybody knows that.

大家都知道

Dopamine is associated with romantic love.

多巴胺係聯系着浪漫愛情嘅

Not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit,

抗抑鬱藥唔單只抑制多巴胺，佢仲會會埋沒性慾

but they kill the sex drive.

And when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm.

當你埋沒咗性慾，你亦埋沒咗性高潮

And when you kill orgasm,

當你埋沒咗高潮，你亦埋沒咗嗰堆聯系着依戀感嘅化學物

you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment.

The things are connected in the brain.

大腦入面嘅嘢係連接住嘅

And when you tamper with one brain system,

當你篡改大腦其中一個系統嘅時候

you're going to tamper with another.

你會整到另一個系統

I'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.

我只係簡單地講，冇愛嘅世界是一個枯燥嘅地方

So now --

(Applause)

所以，依家 - （掌聲） - 謝謝你。

Thank you.

我想用一個小故事去結束。然後，一個意見。

I want to end with a story.

And then, just a comment.

I've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years.

我花咗30年去學習浪漫愛情，性同依戀

我係雙胞胎，我對點解我地都係一樣而感興趣

I'm an identical twin; I am interested in why we're all alike.

Why you and I are alike, why the Iraqis and the Japanese

點解你同我都咁相似，點解伊拉克人同日本人

and the Australian Aborigines and the people of the Amazon River

澳洲原住民同喺亞馬遜河嘅人都咁相似

are all alike.

And about a year ago,

大約一年前，一個網絡交友服務嘅綱站，Match.com，來揾我

an Internet dating service, Match.com, came to me

and asked me if I would design a new dating site for them.

問我可唔可以幫佢哋設計一個新嘅交友網站

I said, "I don't know anything about personality. You know?

我話:「我對人物個性咩都唔識。你知道嗎？」

I don't know. Do you think you've got the right person?"

「我唔知呀。你真係認為我係合適嘅人選？」

They said, "Yes."

佢地話：「係」

It got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love

我開始諗點解你會愛上呢個人，而唔係嗰個人

with one person rather than another.

That's my current project; it will be my next book.

呢樣就係我當前嘅項目，係我下一本書嘅題材

There's all kinds of reasons

有各種原因令你愛上一個人，而唔係其他人

that you fall in love with one person rather than another.

Timing is important. Proximity is important.

時間非常重要。距離嘅遠近亦係重要

Mystery is important.

神秘感係重要嘅。你愛上嘅人係要有點神秘感嘅

You fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious,

部分原因係神秘感可提升係大腦中嘅多巴胺

in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain,

probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love.

可能將你推入戀愛嘅門檻

You fall in love with somebody

你愛上嘅人會吻合你嘅「愛圖」

who fits within what I call your "love map,"

an unconscious list of traits

係你由童年時，無意識地建立嘅特性清單

that you build in childhood as you grow up.

And I also think that you gravitate to certain people,

我亦認為你變得

被某啲人吸引，其實是因為你們有互相配合嘅大腦系統

actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems.

And that's what I'm now contributing to this.

而呢樣正係我依家想講嘅

But I want to tell you a story, to illustrate.

但我想同你講一個故事 - 去描述

I've been carrying on here about the biology of love.

我一直喺度講愛嘅生物學源頭

I wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too,

我都想同你講一啲關於愛嘅文化

the magic of it.

佢嘅魔力

It's a story that was told to me

呢個故事係由人哋講我知嘅，而佢又係聽另一個人講嘅

by somebody who had heard it just from one --

probably a true story.

可能係真人真事

佢係個研究生 - 係我喺羅格斯大學嘅兩位同事 -

It was a graduate student -- I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues --

Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook.

阿倫係喺石溪嘅紐約州立大學

That's where we put our people in the MRI machine.

喺我哋將人放入磁力共振掃描儀嘅地方

And this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student,

呢位研究生瘋狂地愛上咗另一個研究生

and she was not in love with him.

但係佢(女)並唔愛佢(男)

And they were all at a conference in Beijing.

有一次但佢地去咗北京開會

佢從我哋嘅研究上知道，如果你同一個人去做一啲新奇嘅事

And he knew from our work

that if you go and do something very novel with somebody,

you can drive up the dopamine in the brain,

你可以提升喺大腦中嘅多巴胺

and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love.

或者能夠觸發大腦系統感到浪漫愛情 （眾笑）

(Laughter)

所以，佢決定試驗一下呢個科學理論

So he decided he'd put science to work.

佢邀請呢位姑娘去同佢一齊坐人力車

And he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.

And sure enough -- I've never been in one,

果然 - 我從來未坐過

but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks

聽講佢哋從巴士同貨車之間穿插

and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting.

好瘋狂，好嘈，好令人興奮

He figured that this would drive up the dopamine,

佢估計，今次實可以提升多巴胺

and she'd fall in love with him.

令佢愛上佢

So off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him

佢地出發啦，途中佢(女)猛咁尖叫又攬住佢(男)

一路笑住度過咗一段美好嘅時間

and laughing and having a wonderful time.

An hour later they get down off of the rickshaw,

一個鐘頭後，當佢哋落人力車嘅時候

and she throws her hands up and she says,

佢(女)舉高雙手話：「好正呀!」

"Wasn't that wonderful?"

And, "Wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!"

「嗰個車伕眞靚仔！」

(Laughter)

（眾笑）（鼓掌）

(Applause)

There's magic to love!

愛嘅魔力!

(Applause)

But I will end by saying that millions of years ago,

不過，去總結，我想講，幾百萬年前，我哋進化咗三個基本驅動器

we evolved three basic drives:

the sex drive, romantic love

性慾，浪漫愛情同對長期伴侶嘅依戀

and attachment to a long-term partner.

呢啲電路巳深深地嵌入咗人類大腦入面

These circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain.

They're going to survive as long as our species survives

只要我哋呢樣物種生存落去，佢地都會生存落去

on what Shakespeare called "this mortal coil."

正如莎士比亞所謂嘅「這凡人的盤繞」

Thank you.

多謝。 （鼓掌）

Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!

(Applause)