Why we love, why we cheat | Helen Fisher

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I'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends

Danas želim govoriti o dva najvažnija socijalna trenda u nadolazećem stoljeću,

in the coming century,

and perhaps in the next 10,000 years.

i možda u sljedećih 10 000 godina.

But I want to start with my work on romantic love,

Ali želim započeti sa mojim radom o romantičnoj ljubavi,

because that's my most recent work.

zato što je to zadnje što sam radila.

What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love,

Moje kolege i ja smo snimali 32 ljudi koji su bili ludo zaljubljeni,

into a functional MRI brain scanner.

funkcijskom magnetskom rezonancom mozga:

17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted;

17-oro koji su bili ludo zaljubljeni i njihova ljubav je bila uzvraćena

and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped.

i 15-oro ludo zaljubljenih koji su bili ostavljeni.

I tako bih vam prvo pričala o tome

And so I want to tell you about that first,

and then go on into where I think love is going.

a zatim o mom mišljenju u kojem smjeru ide ljubav.

(Laughter)

"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said.

Shakespeare je rekao: "Što znači voljeti?"

I think our ancestors --

Mislim da su naši preci - mislim da su ljudska bića postavljala ovo pitanje

I think human beings have been wondering about this question

od kad su sjedili oko ognjišta ili dok su ležali i gledali zvijezde prije milijun godina.

since they sat around their campfires

or lay and watched the stars a million years ago.

I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was

Počela sam tako što sam željela shvatiti što je to romantična ljubav

by looking at the last 45 years of the psychological research

proučavajući zadnjih 45 godina psiholoških istraživanja

and as it turns out,

i pokazalo se kako se događaju vrlo specifične stvari kad se zaljubite.

there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love.

The first thing that happens is,

Prva stvar koja se dogodi je

a person begins to take on what I call, "special meaning."

da osoba dobije nešto što zovem "posebno značenje".

As a truck driver once said to me,

Kako mi je jednom rekao jedan vozač kamiona:

"The world had a new center, and that center was Mary Anne."

"Svijet je dobio novi centar, i taj centar je bila Mary Anne".

George Bernard Shaw said it differently.

George Bernard Shaw je to rekao malo drugačije:

"Love consists of overestimating the differences

"Ljubav se sastoji o precjenjivanju razlika između jedne žene i neke druge."

between one woman and another."

I zaista, upravo to radimo.

And indeed, that's what we do.

(Laughter)

And then you just focus on this person.

Samo se usmjerite na tu osobu.

You can list what you don't like about them,

Možete nabrojiti što ne volite kod njih,

but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do.

ali zatim to staviti na stranu i usredotočiti se na ono što volite.

As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."

Kako je rekao Chaucer: "Ljubav je slijepa".

In trying to understand romantic love,

Pokušavajući razumjeti romantičnu ljubav,

I decided I would read poetry from all over the world,

odlučila sam čitati poeziju iz cijelog svijeta,

and I just want to give you one very short poem

i želim vam pročitati jednu vrlo kratku kinesku poemu iz osmog stoljeća,

from eighth-century China,

because it's an almost perfect example

jer je gotovo savršen primjer čovjeka potpuno usredotočenog na jednu ženu.

of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman.

It's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody

Kao kad ste ludo zaljubljeni u nekoga

and you walk into a parking lot --

i šetate po parkiralištu.

their car is different from every other car in the parking lot.

Njihov automobil je drugačiji od svih drugih automobila na parkiralištu.

Their wine glass at dinner

Njihova čaša vina na večeri je drugačija od svih drugih čaša.

is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party.

And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.

U ovom slučaju, čovjek se zakačio na prostirku od bambusa.

And it goes like this.

I ide ovako. Momak se zove Yuan Chen.

It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen.

"Ne mogu podnijeti da odložim bambusovu prostirku.

"I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat.

The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out."

One noći kad sam te donio kući, gledao sam te kako je odmotavaš."

He became hooked on a sleeping mat,

Navukao se na prostirku za spavanje,

probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain,

vjerojatno zbog pojačane aktivnosti dopamina u njegovom mozgu,

just like with you and me.

kao kod vas ili kod mene.

But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning,

No, ne samo da ova osoba dobiva posebno značenje

you focus your attention on them.

već usmjeravate svoju pažnju na nju.

You aggrandize them.

Preuveličavate je. Imate silnu energiju.

But you have intense energy.

As one Polynesian said, "I felt like jumping in the sky."

Kao što je jedan Polinežanin rekao: "Osjećam se kao da skačem u nebo".

You're up all night. You're walking till dawn.

Budni ste cijelu noć. Šetate do zore.

You feel intense elation when things are going well;

Osjećate jako uzbuđenje kada stvari idu dobro,

mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly.

što se pretvara u strašni očaj kada stvari idu loše.

Prava ovisnost o toj osobi.

Real dependence on this person.

As one businessman in New York said to me,

Kao što mi je rekao jedan poslovni čovjek u New Yorku, "Sve što ona voli, volim i ja."

"Anything she liked, I liked."

Simple. Romantic love is very simple.

Jednostavno. Romantična ljubav je vrlo jednostavna.

You become extremely sexually possessive.

Postanete iznimno seksualno posesivni.

You know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually,

Znate, kad s nekim spavate bez obveze,

you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else.

zapravo vas nije briga ako oni spavaju s nekim drugim.

But the moment you fall in love,

Ali onog trenutka kad se zaljubite,

you become extremely sexually possessive of them.

postajete iznimno seksualno posesivni prema njima.

I think there's a Darwinian purpose to this.

Mislim da zato postoji darvinovska svrha.

The whole point of this is to pull two people together

Cijeli smisao je da zbliži dvoje ljudi

strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.

dovoljno snažno da kao tim začnu i odgajaju djecu.

But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving:

Ali glavne značajke romantične ljubavi su žudnje:

an intense craving to be with a particular person,

snažna žudnja da budemo s tom osobom, ne samo seksualno, nego i emocionalno.

not just sexually, but emotionally.

It would be nice to go to bed with them,

Otići u krevet s tom osobom bi bilo dobro,

but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc.,

ali želite i da vas nazove na telefon, da vas pozove vani, itd.

to tell you that they love you.

Da vam kaže da vas voli.

The other main characteristic is motivation.

Sljedeća glavna značajka je motivacija.

The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

Motor u vašem mozgu se upali, i vi želite tu osobu.

And last but not least, it is an obsession.

I na kraju, još jedna važna značajka je opsesija.

Before I put these people in the MRI machine,

Prije nego što stavim ove ljude u MRI uređaj,

I would ask them all kinds of questions.

pitam ih različita pitanja.

But my most important question was always the same.

Ali najvažnije pitanje je uvijek bilo isto.

It was: "What percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?"

Bilo je:" Koliki postotak dana i noći mislite na ovu osobu?"

I stvarno bi odgovorili: "Cijeli dan i noć. Ne mogu prestati misliti na njega/nju."

And indeed, they would say,

"All day. All night.

I can never stop thinking about him or her."

And then, the very last question --

I tada, posljednje pitanje koje bi ih pitala -

I would always have to work myself up to this question,

uvijek bi se morala natjerati da postavim ovo pitanje

because I'm not a psychologist.

jer nisam psiholog,

I don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation.

ne radim s ljudima koji su doživjeli traumatske situacije -

My final question was always the same.

moje zadnje pitanje je bilo uvijek isto:

I would say, "Would you die for him or her?"

"Da li bi umrli za njega/nju?"

And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!"

I stvarno, ovi ljudi bi rekli "Da!"

as if I had asked them to pass the salt.

kao da sam ih pitala da li mi mogu dodati sol.

I was just staggered by it.

Bila sam zaista zapanjena.

So we scanned their brains,

Skenirali smo njihove mozgove dok su gledali u fotografiju svoje drage i dok bi gledali neutralnu fotografiju,

looking at a photograph of their sweetheart

and looking at a neutral photograph,

uz distrakcijski zadatak između.

with a distraction task in between.

Tako da smo mogli pogledati u mozak dok je bio u pobuđenom stanju

So we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state

and when it was in a resting state.

i kad je bio u fazi odmora.

And we found activity in a lot of brain regions.

I našli smo aktivnost u mnogim regijama mozga.

U stvari, jedna od najvažnijih je bila regija mozga

In fact, one of the most important was a brain region

that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine.

koja je inače aktivna kod uživanja kokaina.

And indeed, that's exactly what happens.

I zaista, točno se to događa.

I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion.

Počela sam shvaćati da romantična ljubav nije emocija.

U stvari, uvijek sam mislila da je riječ o nizu emocija,

In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions,

od vrlo intenzivnih do vrlo slabih.

from very high to very low.

But actually, it's a drive.

Ali zapravo, riječ je o nagonu koji potječe od motora uma,

It comes from the motor of the mind,

the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind.

žudećeg dijela uma.

The kind of part of the mind

Onog dijela uma

when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate,

kao kad posegnete za komadom čokolade,

when you want to win that promotion at work.

kao kad želite napredovati na poslu.

The motor of the brain.

Motor mozga. To je nagon.

It's a drive.

And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive.

I u stvari, mislim da je moćniji nego spolni nagon.

Znate, kada pitate nekoga da ode u krevet s vama, i ta osoba kaže "Ne hvala",

You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you,

and they say, "No, thank you,"

sigurno se ne ubijete ili upadnete u kliničku depresiju.

you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression.

But certainly, around the world,

Ali zasigurno, po cijelom svijetu, ljudi odbijeni u ljubavi izvršavaju samoubojstva.

people who are rejected in love will kill for it.

People live for love.

Ljudi žive za ljubav. Ubijaju za ljubav. Umiru za ljubav.

They kill for love.

They die for love.

They have songs, poems, novels,

Imaju svoje pjesme, poeziju, romane, skulpture, slike, mitove, legende.

sculptures, paintings, myths, legends.

In over 175 societies,

U preko 175 društava, ljudi su ostavili dokaze ovog moćnog moždanog sustava.

people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system.

I have come to think

Došla sam do mišljenja da je to jedan od najjačih moždanih sustava na zemlji

it's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth

for both great joy and great sorrow.

za oboje, ogromnu radost i ogromnu tugu.

And I've also come to think

Također sam shvatila da je riječ o jednom od tri,

that it's one of three basically different brain systems

u biti različita moždana sustava koji su evoluirali zbog pronalaska partnera i razmnožavanja.

that evolved from mating and reproduction.

One is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification.

Prvi je seksualni nagon: koji teži spolnom zadovoljenju.

W.H. Auden called it an "intolerable neural itch,"

W.H. Auden ga je nazvao "nepodnošljivim živčanim svrbežom",

and indeed, that's what it is.

i stvarno, baš je takav.

Stalno vas smeta, kao kad ste gladni.

It keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry.

The second of these three brain systems is romantic love:

Drugi od ukupno tri sustava u mozgu je romantična ljubav:

that elation, obsession of early love.

ona pobuda, opsesivnost na početku ljubavi.

And the third brain system is attachment:

I treći moždani sustav je privrženost:

that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.

osjećaj smiraja i sigurnosti koju osjećate za dugoročnog partnera.

And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there,

Mislim da je seksualni nagon evoluirao da vas potakne

looking for a whole range of partners.

u potragu za širokim rasponom partnera.

You can feel it when you're just driving along in your car.

Znate, možete ga osjetiti i kad se samo vozite u automobilu.

It can be focused on nobody.

On se može usmjeriti na nekog.

I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy

Mislim da je romantična ljubav evoluirala kako bi nam omogućila usmjeravanje energije

on just one individual at a time,

na samo jednu osobu u određenom razdoblju,

thereby conserving mating time and energy.

i na taj način sačuvala vrijeme i energiju za sparivanje.

And I think that attachment, the third brain system,

Mislim i da je privrženost, treći po redu moždani sustav,

evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being

evoluiralo da možemo podnositi tu osobu

at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.

bar toliko dugo da zajedno s njom odgojimo djecu.

So with that preamble,

Nakon ovog uvoda, želim raspraviti dva ključna društvena trenda.

I want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends.

One of the last 10,000 years

Jedan koji traje 10 000 godina i drugi, koji traje bar zadnjih 25 godina,

and the other, certainly of the last 25 years,

that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems:

i koji će utjecati na ova tri moždana sustava:

lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.

požuda, romantična ljubav i duboka privrženost partneru.

The first is women working, moving into the workforce.

Prvi trend su zaposlene žene, žene postaju dio tržišta rada.

Pregledala sam 130 društava kroz demografske godišnjake Ujedinjenih Naroda.

I've looked at 130 societies

through the demographic yearbooks of the United Nations.

Everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them,

I posvuda po svijetu, u 129 od 130 društava, žene ne samo da ulaze na tržište rada -

women are not only moving into the job market --

sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market --

ponegdje vrlo, vrlo sporo, ali ipak ulaze na tržište rada -

and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women

nego i polako zatvaraju jaz između muškaraca i žena

in terms of economic power, health and education.

na području ekonomske moći, zdravlja i obrazovanja.

It's very slow.

To se događa vrlo polako.

For every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend.

Za svaki trend na ovom planetu postoji suprotni trend.

We all know of them, but nevertheless --

Svi znamo za njih, ali ipak - kako kaže stara arapska poslovica

the Arabs say, "The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on."

"Psi laju, karavane prolaze."

And, indeed, that caravan is moving on.

I zaista, ova karavana ide dalje.

Women are moving back into the job market.

Žene ponovo izlaze na tržište rada.

And I say back into the job market, because this is not new.

Kažem ponovno, zato što to nije novo.

For millions of years, on the grasslands of Africa,

Milijunima godina, u afričkim savanama

žene su odlazile na posao da sakupe povrće.

women commuted to work to gather their vegetables.

They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.

Dolazile su kući sa 60 do 80% večernjeg obroka.

The double income family was the standard.

Dvostruki prihod obitelji je bio standard.

And women were regarded as just as economically,

I žene su bile smatrane ekonomski, društveno i seksualno jednako moćne kao i muškarci.

socially and sexually powerful as men.

In short, we're really moving forward to the past.

Ukratko, brzo se krećemo naprijed u prošlost.

Then, women's worst invention was the plow.

Najgori ženin izum tada bio je plug.

With the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful.

S početkom poljoprivrede temeljene na oranju, uloga muškarca postaje iznimno moćna.

Women lost their ancient jobs as collectors,

Žene su izgubile svoje drevni posao skupljačice,

ali onda s industrijskom i postindustrijskom revolucijom

but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution

they're moving back into the job market.

vraćaju se na tržište rada.

In short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago,

Ukratko, stječu status kakav su imale prije milijun godina,

10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago.

prije 10 000 godina, prije 100 000 godina.

We are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions

Sada vidimo jednu od najznačajnijih tradicija u povijesti ljudske životinje.

in the history of the human animal.

I ona će imati veliki utjecaj.

And it's going to have an impact.

I generally give a whole lecture

Obično imam cijelo predavanje o utjecaju žena na poslovnu zajednicu.

on the impact of women on the business community.

I'll say just a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love.

Samo ću reći par stvari, i prijeći na seks i ljubav.

There's a lot of gender differences;

Postoje brojne spolne razlike,

anybody who thinks men and women are alike

onaj tko misli da su muškarci i žene isti jednostavno nikad nisu imali muško i žensko dijete.

simply never had a boy and a girl child.

I don't know why they want to think that men and women are alike.

Ne znam zašto ljudi vole misliti da su muškarci i žene isti.

There's much we have in common,

Imamo puno toga zajedničkog, ali isto tako ima puno toga

but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common.

u čemu se razlikujemo.

We are -- in the words of Ted Hughes,

Mi smo - da citiram Teda Hughesa,

"I think that we are like two feet. We need each other to get ahead."

"Mi smo poput dva stopala. Potrebni smo jedno drugome kako bi krenuli naprijed."

But we did not evolve to have the same brain.

Ali nismo evoluirali da imamo isti mozak.

And we're finding more and more gender differences in the brain.

I pronalazimo sve više i više i više razlika u mozgu ova dva spola.

I'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love.

Spomenut ću samo neke pa ćemo prijeći na seks i ljubav.

One of them is women's verbal ability.

Jedna od njih je ženski dar govora. Žene znaju govoriti.

Women can talk.

Women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation

Ženska vještina da brzo pronađu pravu riječ, osnovna artikulacija

goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle,

raste prema sredini menstrualnog ciklusa, kada razina estrogena doseže vrhunac.

when estrogen levels peak.

But even at menstruation, they're better than the average man.

Ali i u menstrualnom periodu su bolje od prosječnog muškarca.

Women can talk.

Žene znaju govoriti.

They've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools.

Radile su to tijekom milijuna godina, riječi su bile žensko oruđe.

They held that baby in front of their face,

Držale su dijete ispred svog lica,

cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words.

tepajući mu, koreći ga, učeći ga pomoću riječi.

And, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.

I zaista, postale su veoma moćna snaga.

Even in places like India and Japan,

Čak i na mjestima kao što su Indija i Japan,

where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market,

gdje se žene nisu brzo pomicale u regularnom tržištu rada,

they're moving into journalism.

ulazile su u novinarstvo.

And I think that the television is like the global campfire.

Mislim da je televizija poput globalne logorske vatre.

We sit around it and it shapes our minds.

Sjedimo uokolo i ona oblikuje naše umove.

Almost always, when I'm on TV, the producer who calls me,

Gotovo uvijek, kada sam na televiziji, producent koji me zove,

who negotiates what we're going to say,

koji pregovara o čemu ćemo govoriti, je žena.

is a woman.

In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said,

Solženjicin je jednom rekao,

"Imati velikog pisca je imati drugu vladu."

"To have a great writer is to have another government."

Today 54 percent of people who are writers in America are women.

Danas su 54% pisaca u Americi žene.

To je jedna od mnogih karakteristika koje žene imaju

It's one of many, many characteristics that women have

that they will bring into the job market.

i koje su donijele na tržište rada.

They've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills.

Posjeduju nevjerojatne ljudske vještine, vještine pregovaranja.

They're highly imaginative.

Jako su maštovite.

We now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning.

Sada znamo za moždane sklopove za maštu, za dugoročno planiranje.

They tend to be web thinkers.

Imaju sklonost da budu mrežni mislioci.

Because the female parts of the brain are better connected,

Zato jer je ženski dio mozga bolje premrežen.

they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think,

Nastoje skupiti više podataka kada misle,

put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes.

spremaju ih u mnogo kompleksnijem uzorku, vide više mogućnosti i ishoda.

They tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers,

One su sadržajni, sveukupni mislioci, ono što ja zovem mrežnim misliocima.

what I call web thinkers.

Men tend to -- and these are averages --

Muškarci se nastoje - u prosjeku - riješiti onoga što smatraju stranim,

tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous,

focus on what they do,

usredotočuju se na ono što rade, i razmišljaju korak po korak.

and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern.

They're both perfectly good ways of thinking.

Oba načina su savršeno dobri načini mišljenja.

We need both of them to get ahead.

Trebamo ih oba da bi se kretali naprijed.

In fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world.

U stvari, ima puno više muškaraca genija na svijetu.

And there's also many more male idiots in the world.

I također puno više muškaraca idiota na svijetu.

(Laughter)

When the male brain works well, it works extremely well.

Kada muški mozak dobro radi, radi iznimno dobro.

And what I really think that we're doing is,

I ono što mislim da radimo je da se krećemo prema kolaborativnom društvu.

we're moving towards a collaborative society,

a society in which the talents of both men and women

društvu u kojem talenti oba spola postaju shvaćeni

are becoming understood and valued and employed.

cijenjeni i zaposleni.

But in fact, women moving into the job market

Činjenica je da ulazak žena na tržište rada ima ogroman utjecaj

is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life.

na seks i romantiku i obiteljski život.

Foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality.

Nadalje, žene počinju izražavati svoju seksualnost.

I'm always astonished when people come to me and say,

Uvijek sam iznenađena kada mi ljudi priđu i kažu,

"Why is it that men are so adulterous?"

"Zašto su muškarci tako skloni preljubu?"

"Why do you think more men are adulterous than women?"

Ja kažem: "Zašto mislite da muškarci varaju više od žena?"

"Well, men are more adulterous!"

"Pa varaju!"

Tada kažem: "A s kim mislite da ti muškarci spavaju?"

And I say, "Who do you think these men are sleeping with?"

Jednostavna matematika!

(Laughter)

And -- basic math!

Anyway.

Dakle...

In the Western world,

U zapadnom svijetu, djevojke -

women start sooner at sex, have more partners,

žene se sve ranije upuštaju u spolne odnose, imaju više partnera,

express less remorse for the partners that they do,

pokazuju manje žaljenja prema partnerima zbog onog što čine,

marry later, have fewer children,

udaju se kasnije, imaju manje djece, napuštaju loše brakove da bi našle bolje.

leave bad marriages in order to get good ones.

We are seeing the rise of female sexual expression.

Vidimo uspon ženskog seksualnog izražavanja.

And, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression

I zaista, još jednom idemo naprijed prema onoj vrsti seksualnog izražavanja

that we probably saw on the grasslands of Africa a million years ago,

kakvo smo vjerojatno vidjeli u savanama Afrike prije milijun godina.

because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see

zato što je to vrsta seksualnog izražavanja koje vidimo

in hunting and gathering societies today.

u lovačko-sakupljačkim društvima danas.

We're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality.

Također se vraćamo drevnim oblicima bračne jednakosti.

They're now saying that the 21st century

sada govore da će 21 stoljeće

is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage,"

biti stoljeće "simetričnog braka,"

or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage."

ili "čistog braka", ili "suputničkog braka."

This is a marriage between equals,

Ovo je brak među jednakima,

moving forward to a pattern

koji napreduje prema obrascu koji je jako u skladu s drevnim ljudskim duhom.

that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.

We're also seeing a rise of romantic love.

Također vidimo uspon romantične ljubavi.

91 percent of American women and 86 percent of American men

91% Amerikanki i 86% Amerikanaca

would not marry somebody who had every single quality

neće se vjenčati za osobu koja ima baš svaku pojedinu kvalitetu koju traže kod partnera,

they were looking for in a partner,

if they were not in love with that person.

ako nisu zaljubljeni u tu osobu.

People around the world, in a study of 37 societies,

Ljudi po cijelom svijetu, u studiji 37 društava,

want to be in love with the person that they marry.

žele biti zaljubljeni u osobu za koju se vjenčaju.

Indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.

Zaista, dogovoreni brakovi nestaju iz ljudskog života.

I even think that marriages might even become more stable

Zaista mislim da ovi brakovi mogu biti stabilniji

because of the second great world trend.

zbog drugog velikog svjetskog trenda.

The first one being women moving into the job market,

Prvi je bio ulazak žena na tržište rada,

the second one being the aging world population.

a drugi je starenje svjetske populacije.

They're now saying that in America,

Kažu da se sada u Americi

that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85.

srednja dob smatra starošću do 85 godina.

Because in that highest age category of 76 to 85,

Zato što u toj poznoj dobnoj kategoriji od 76 do 85 godina,

as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them.

čak 40% ljudi nema poteškoća.

So we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.

Vidimo da postoji znatno produljenje srednje životne dobi.

For one of my books, I looked at divorce data in 58 societies.

Za potrebe jedne od mojih knjiga pogledala sam podatke o razvodima u 58 društava.

And as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce.

Pokazalo se da što si stariji, manja je šansa da se razvedete.

So the divorce rate right now is stable in America,

Tako je sadašnja stopa razvoda u Americi stabilna,

and it's actually beginning to decline.

i zapravo počinje opadati.

It may decline some more.

Možda će još malo pasti.

Rekla bih čak da s Viagrom, nadomjesnom estrogenskom terapijom, zamjenom kuka

I would even say that with Viagra,

estrogen replacement, hip replacements

and the incredibly interesting women

žene postaju nevjerojatno zanimljive -

-- women have never been as interesting as they are now.

žene nikada nisu bile tako zanimljive kao što su sada.

Not at any time on this planet have women been so educated,

Nikada na ovom planetu žene nisu bile tako obrazovane, tako zanimljive, tako sposobne.

so interesting, so capable.

And so I honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution

I iskreno mislim da ako je ikada bilo vrijeme u ljudskoj evoluciji

when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.

kada smo imali mogućnost sklapanja dobrih brakova, to vrijeme je sada.

However, there's always kinds of complications in this.

Premda, uvijek ima komplikacija.

These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love and attachment --

U ova tri moždana sustava: požuda, romantična ljubav i privrženost

don't always go together.

ne idu uvijek skupa.

They can go together, by the way.

Usput govoreći, oni mogu ići skupa.

That's why casual sex isn't so casual.

Zato neobavezni seks nije tako neobavezan.

With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine.

S orgazmom dobivate porast dopamina.

Dopamine's associated with romantic love,

Dopamin je povezan sa romantičnom ljubavi

and you can just fall in love with somebody

i možete se zaljubiti u nekoga s kim ste upravo imali neobavezni seks.

who you're just having casual sex with.

With orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin --

Sa orgazmom, dolazi do prave navale oksitocin i vazopresina

those are associated with attachment.

koji su povezani s privrženošću.

This is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody

Zato možete osjetiti kozmičko sjedinjenje sa nekim,

after you've made love to them.

nakon što ste s njima vodili ljubav.

But these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment,

Ali ova tri moždana sustava: požuda, romantična ljubav i privrženost

aren't always connected to each other.

nisu uvijek međusobno povezani.

You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner

Možete osjećati duboku privrženost prema životnom partneru

while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else,

dok osjećate snažnu romantičnu ljubav za nekog drugog,

while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners.

i dok osjećate spolni nagon prema trećim osobama.

In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time.

Ukratko, sposobni smo voljeti više osoba istodobno.

In fact, you can lie in bed at night

Zapravo, možete leći u krevet navečer

and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person

i prebaciti se sa dubokih osjećaja privrženosti jednoj osobi

to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else.

na duboke osjećaje romantične ljubavi za nekog drugog.

It's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head

Kao da se u vašoj glavi odvija sastanak upravnog odbora

as you are trying to decide what to do.

dok pokušavate donijeti odluku.

So I don't think, honestly,

Zato ne mislim, iskreno govoreći, da smo životinje stvorene za sreću;

we're an animal that was built to be happy;

we are an animal that was built to reproduce.

mi smo životinja stvorena za razmnožavanje.

I think the happiness we find, we make.

Sreću koju u životu nađemo, stvorili smo sami.

And I think, however,

I mislim, dapače, da možemo izgraditi dobre odnose jedno sa drugim.

we can make good relationships with each other.

So I want to conclude with two things.

Zato želim zaključiti sa dvije stvari.

Želim zaključiti s brigom.

I want to conclude with a worry,

Zabrinuta sam, i imam još jednu divnu priču.

and with a wonderful story.

Zabrinutost je oko antidepresiva.

The worry is about antidepressants.

Preko 100 milijuna recepata za antidepresive se propiše svake godine u Sjedinjenim Državama.

Over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants

are written every year in the United States.

And these drugs are going generic.

I ovi lijekovi postaju generički.

They are seeping around the world.

Šire se po svijetu.

I know one girl who's been on these antidepressants,

Poznajem jednu djevojku koja je bila na antidpresivima, serotoninskim pojačivačima -

SSRIs, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13.

SSRI, antidepresivim koji podižu serotonin, od kada je imala 13 godina.

She's 23. She's been on them ever since she was 13.

Sad ima 23. Uzima te lijekove od 13. godine.

I've got nothing against people who take them short term,

Nemam ništa protiv ljudi koji ih uzimaju kratkoročno,

when they're going through something horrible.

dok prolaze kroz nešto strašno.

They want to commit suicide or kill somebody else.

Kad žele ubiti sebe ili nekog drugog.

I would recommend it.

Tada bi ih preporučila.

But more and more people in the United States

Ali sve više i više ljudi u Sjedinjenim Državama ih uzima dugoročno.

are taking them long term.

I zaista ono što ovi lijekovi rade je podizanje razine serotonina.

And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin.

And by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit.

I dok dižu razinu serotonina, potiskuju dopaminski krug.

Everybody knows that.

Svi to znaju.

Dopamine is associated with romantic love.

Dopamin je povezan sa romantičnom ljubavi.

Not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit,

Ne samo da potiskuju dopaminski krug, nego ubijaju spolni nagon.

but they kill the sex drive.

And when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm.

A kad ubijete spolni nagon, ubijate orgazam.

And when you kill orgasm,

A kad ubijete orgazam, ubili ste onu poplavu supstanci koje su povezane s privrženošću.

you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment.

The things are connected in the brain.

Stvari su povezane u mozgu

And when you tamper with one brain system,

i kad se miješate u jedan moždani sustav,

you're going to tamper with another.

poremetiti ćete drugi.

I'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.

Jednostavno želim reći da je svijet bez ljubavi mrtvo mjesto.

So now --

(Applause)

Zato sada... (Pljesak) ...hvala vam.

Thank you.

...želim završiti sa pričom. I nakon toga samo komentar.

I want to end with a story.

And then, just a comment.

I've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years.

Proučavam romantičnu ljubav i seks i privrženost 30 godina.

Ja sam identična blizanka, zanima zašto smo svi slični.

I'm an identical twin; I am interested in why we're all alike.

Why you and I are alike, why the Iraqis and the Japanese

Zašto smo mi slični, zašto su Iračani i Japanci

and the Australian Aborigines and the people of the Amazon River

i australski Aboriđini i ljudi iz Amazonije svi slični.

are all alike.

And about a year ago,

Prije godinu dana, Internet servis za upoznavanje match.com došao je do mene

an Internet dating service, Match.com, came to me

and asked me if I would design a new dating site for them.

i pitao me da za njih dizajniram nove Internet stranice za upoznavanje.

I said, "I don't know anything about personality. You know?

rekla sam, "Ne znam ništa o osobnostima. Znate to?

I don't know. Do you think you've got the right person?"

Ne znam. Da li mislite da ste dobili pravu osobu?"

They said, "Yes."

Odgovorili su, "Da."

It got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love

To me je natjeralo na razmišljanje zašto se zaljubite u jednu osobu a ne u drugu.

with one person rather than another.

That's my current project; it will be my next book.

To je moj sadašnji projekt, bit će u mojoj sljedećoj knjizi.

There's all kinds of reasons

Postoje različiti razlozi zašto ćete se zaljubiti u jednu osobu a ne u drugu.

that you fall in love with one person rather than another.

Timing is important. Proximity is important.

Pravi trenutak je važan. Blizina je važna.

Mystery is important.

Tajnovitost je važna. Zaljubite se u nekoga tko je donekle tajnovit,

You fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious,

djelom jer tajnovitost podiže razinu dopamina u mozgu,

in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain,

probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love.

vjerojatno vas gura preko praga zaljubljivanja.

You fall in love with somebody

Zaljubite se u nekoga tko paše u vašu, kako ja to zovem, "ljubavnu mapu",

who fits within what I call your "love map,"

an unconscious list of traits

nesvjesni popis osobina koji stvarate u djetinjstvu dok odrastate.

that you build in childhood as you grow up.

And I also think that you gravitate to certain people,

I također mislim da postajete

privučeni ljudima s donekle sukladnim moždanim sustavima.

actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems.

And that's what I'm now contributing to this.

I to je moj sadašnji doprinos.

But I want to tell you a story, to illustrate.

Ali želim vam ispričati priču o ovome, za ilustraciju.

I've been carrying on here about the biology of love.

Pričam stalno o biologiji ljubavi.

I wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too,

Htjela bi pokazati vam malo kulture ljubavi, također -

the magic of it.

njenu čaroliju.

It's a story that was told to me

Ovo je priča koju mi je ispričao netko tko ju je čuo iz prve ruke -

by somebody who had heard it just from one --

probably a true story.

vjerojatno je istinita priča.

Bio je jedan student-- ja sam na Rutgersu, a moji dvoje kolega --

It was a graduate student -- I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues --

Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook.

Art Aaron je na SUNY Stonybrooku.

That's where we put our people in the MRI machine.

Tamo snimamo naše ljude magnetskom rezonancom.

And this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student,

I ovaj student je bio ludo zaljubljen u jednu studenticu,

and she was not in love with him.

a ona nije bila zaljubljena u njega.

And they were all at a conference in Beijing.

Bili su na konfererenciji u Pekingu.

Znao je iz našeg rada da ako napravite nešto potpuno novo s nekim,

And he knew from our work

that if you go and do something very novel with somebody,

you can drive up the dopamine in the brain,

možete im podići dopamin u mozgu.

and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love.

I možda aktivirati sustav u mozgu za romantičnu ljubav.

(Laughter)

Odlučio je stoga iskoristiti znanost,

So he decided he'd put science to work.

i pozvao je ovu djevojku na zajedničku vožnju rikšom.

And he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.

And sure enough -- I've never been in one,

Sad, ja se nisam nikad vozila u rikši,

but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks

ali navodno voze slalom između autobusa i kamiona

and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting.

to bude ludo, bučno i uzbudljivo.

He figured that this would drive up the dopamine,

Mislio je da će joj to podići razinu dopamina

and she'd fall in love with him.

i da će se ona zaljubiti u njega.

So off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him

Dok su se vozili ona je vrištala,

stiskala se uz njega, smijala i uživala.

and laughing and having a wonderful time.

An hour later they get down off of the rickshaw,

Kad su nakon sat vremena sišli s rikše,

and she throws her hands up and she says,

podigla je ruke i rekla: "Zar nije ovo bilo prekrasno?"

"Wasn't that wonderful?"

And, "Wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!"

"Ovaj vozač rikše je baš zgodan!"

(Laughter)

(Smijeh) (Pljesak)

(Applause)

There's magic to love!

Ima čarolije u ljubavi!

(Applause)

But I will end by saying that millions of years ago,

Završit ću s ovim. Prije više milijuna godina razvili smo tri osnovna nagona:

we evolved three basic drives:

the sex drive, romantic love

spolni nagon, romantična ljubav i privrženost dugoročnom partneru.

and attachment to a long-term partner.

Ovi sklopovi su duboko ugrađeni u ljudski mozak.

These circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain.

They're going to survive as long as our species survives

Preživjet će toliko koliko će preživjeti naša vrsta

on what Shakespeare called "this mortal coil."

u kako je to Shakespeare nazvao "ovoj smrtnoj duši."

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!

(Applause)