Why we love, why we cheat | Helen Fisher

翻译人员: melody lam 校对人员: tian zeng

I'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends

我今天要讲俩个下世纪的大趋势

in the coming century,

and perhaps in the next 10,000 years.

也很有可能是未来10,000年的趋势

But I want to start with my work on romantic love,

但是，我想首先从我对爱情的研究讲起

because that's my most recent work.

因为这是我最近的工作。

What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love,

我和我的同事对32个深陷爱情中的人

into a functional MRI brain scanner.

进行了功能性核磁共振大脑扫描

17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted;

这些人中的17个人获取了异性的芳心

and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped.

其他的15个人则刚刚被甩

所以我想先讲一下这个实验

And so I want to tell you about that first,

and then go on into where I think love is going.

然后是我对爱情的理解

(Laughter)

"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said.

莎士比亚曾经问道：“爱情是什么？”

I think our ancestors --

我想我们的祖先对这个问题的困惑

I think human beings have been wondering about this question

从一百万年前他们围坐在篝火边或者躺着看星星时就开始了

since they sat around their campfires

or lay and watched the stars a million years ago.

I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was

为了找到浪漫爱情的内涵

by looking at the last 45 years of the psychological research

我翻阅了45年来心理学方面的研究成果

and as it turns out,

发现当人们陷入爱情的时候会发生一些特殊的现象

there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love.

The first thing that happens is,

首先会发生的是

a person begins to take on what I call, "special meaning."

另一个人开始被赋予了“特殊意义”

As a truck driver once said to me,

就像一个卡车司机曾经对我说

"The world had a new center, and that center was Mary Anne."

我的世界有了一个新的中心，那就是Mary Anne

George Bernard Shaw said it differently.

而萧伯纳用不同的方式表达了同样的意思

"Love consists of overestimating the differences

他说，爱情中的人会夸大一个女人和另外一个女人的差别

between one woman and another."

而事实也确实是这样的。（笑声）

And indeed, that's what we do.

(Laughter)

And then you just focus on this person.

然后你就会把全部的关注放在这个人身上

You can list what you don't like about them,

虽然你也可以列出你不喜欢他/她的地方

but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do.

但对缺点马上置之不理，然后全力去爱她/他

As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."

就像乔叟说的那样，“爱情是盲目的”

In trying to understand romantic love,

为了理解浪漫爱情

I decided I would read poetry from all over the world,

我决定阅读来自世界各地的诗歌

and I just want to give you one very short poem

现在我想给你们读一首写于八世纪中国的小诗

from eighth-century China,

because it's an almost perfect example

因为它几近完美的展现了一个男人是怎样全身心的关注一个女人

of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman.

It's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody

就像一个人疯狂的爱上一个人的时候，

and you walk into a parking lot --

这个人走进停车场。

their car is different from every other car in the parking lot.

他会觉得这个人的车与其他任何车都不一样

Their wine glass at dinner

这个人晚宴上的红酒杯也和其他任何的酒杯不一样

is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party.

And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.

在这个故事里，一个男人迷上了一张竹席

And it goes like this.

这首诗是诗人元稹所写的：

It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen.

竹簟衬重茵，未忍都令卷。

"I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat.

The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out."

忆昨初来日，看君自施展

He became hooked on a sleeping mat,

他之所以迷上一个竹席，

probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain,

可能跟你我一样，

just like with you and me.

因为头脑里的多巴胺增多而引起的反应

But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning,

但不管怎么说，不仅这个人对你来说有特殊的含义

you focus your attention on them.

你会全身心的关注他或她。

You aggrandize them.

你会对他/她极度的吹捧。而且你的精力旺盛异常

But you have intense energy.

As one Polynesian said, "I felt like jumping in the sky."

就像一个波利尼亚人说的那样：“我觉得仿佛飞到了空中”

You're up all night. You're walking till dawn.

你会整晚都睡不着。你会一直走黎明

You feel intense elation when things are going well;

当事情进展顺利的时候，你会觉得兴高采烈

mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly.

当事情不顺利的时候，你又会陷入极度的失望和恐慌。

你完全依赖于这个人了

Real dependence on this person.

As one businessman in New York said to me,

就像一个纽约的商人对我说的， “她喜欢的任何东西我都喜欢”

"Anything she liked, I liked."

Simple. Romantic love is very simple.

简单，爱情就是那么简单。

You become extremely sexually possessive.

你会对性有极强的占有欲。

You know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually,

你知道，如果你只是随随便便和一个人上床，

you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else.

你并不会在意他/她是否和其他人上床

But the moment you fall in love,

但当你陷入爱情的时候

you become extremely sexually possessive of them.

你对性会有极强的占有欲

I think there's a Darwinian purpose to this.

我想这种现象是遵循尔达文进化论的，也促进了人类的进化

The whole point of this is to pull two people together

因为爱情让两个人紧紧绑在了一起，

strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.

这种关系牢固到足以让两个人在一起生儿育女

But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving:

但爱情最重要的特征是渴望

an intense craving to be with a particular person,

对某一个人，不仅是性上的，还包括感情上的渴望。

not just sexually, but emotionally.

It would be nice to go to bed with them,

当然能和他/她同床共枕是很好的，

but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc.,

但你更期待他/她会给你打电话，约你出去，等等

to tell you that they love you.

希望他告诉你他爱你

The other main characteristic is motivation.

爱情另外一个主要的特征是动机。

The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

你已经迫不及待的开始行动，你想得到这个人。

And last but not least, it is an obsession.

爱情的最后一个也是同样重要的特征是痴迷

Before I put these people in the MRI machine,

当我让他们进入核磁共振机之前

I would ask them all kinds of questions.

我会问他们各种各样的问题

But my most important question was always the same.

但最重要的问题始终是一个

It was: "What percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?"

“你一天之中有多少时间是在想念这个人的？”

他们会说，“整天整夜。从来没停止过想念”

And indeed, they would say,

"All day. All night.

I can never stop thinking about him or her."

And then, the very last question --

然后，我会问他们最后一个问题，

I would always have to work myself up to this question,

我经常会想方设法引导他们去回答这个问题

because I'm not a psychologist.

因为我不是一个心理学家

I don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation.

我没法治愈人们心灵的创伤

My final question was always the same.

这个最后的问题也始终是那一个：

I would say, "Would you die for him or her?"

“你会为这个人去死吗？”

And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!"

这些人会说“会的！”

as if I had asked them to pass the salt.

就好像我请他们把盐递给我那样理所当然

I was just staggered by it.

对这样的回答，我感到很震惊。

So we scanned their brains,

我让他们先看一幅爱人的照片，

looking at a photograph of their sweetheart

and looking at a neutral photograph,

然后再让他们看一幅不相关的照片，并监测了他们大脑的活动

with a distraction task in between.

我们会发现同一个大脑在某一时刻达到最强烈的活动状态

So we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state

and when it was in a resting state.

又在什么时候处于休息的状态

And we found activity in a lot of brain regions.

我们也发现相当多的大脑区域变得活跃

而事实上我们最关注的一个大脑区域

In fact, one of the most important was a brain region

that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine.

是那个让你对可卡因感到渴求的大脑区域

And indeed, that's exactly what happens.

而这正是人们看到爱人照片时的反应

I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion.

我开始意识到浪漫爱情并不仅仅是一种情绪

我曾经认为爱情就是一系列的情绪

In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions,

从非常强烈到非常微弱的

from very high to very low.

But actually, it's a drive.

但事实上，爱情是一种驱动力 它来自于心灵深处的动力

It comes from the motor of the mind,

the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind.

来自于我们内心的欲望，一种强烈的愿望

The kind of part of the mind

这种动力，

when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate,

就像你想要得到那一块巧克力一样

when you want to win that promotion at work.

就像你想要在工作中获得晋升一样

The motor of the brain.

它在驱动我们的大脑活动，它是我们的驱动力

It's a drive.

And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive.

我认为这种动力比性的动力更为的强大

当你问别人是否愿意和你上床，如果这个人说“不”

You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you,

and they say, "No, thank you,"

你肯定不会因为这个自杀或是患上忧郁症

you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression.

But certainly, around the world,

但在全世界范围内，人们如果被爱拒绝，就会为此而轻生

people who are rejected in love will kill for it.

People live for love.

人们为爱而生，为爱而杀，为爱而死

They kill for love.

They die for love.

They have songs, poems, novels,

他们为爱创作了歌曲，诗歌，小说，雕塑，画作，神话故事和传奇

sculptures, paintings, myths, legends.

In over 175 societies,

在超过175个社会里，人们都用不同的证据证明了这部分大脑组织是如此强大

people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system.

I have come to think

让人们大喜大悲

it's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth

for both great joy and great sorrow.

所以我认为它是世上最强大的大脑组织

And I've also come to think

我认为它是从最初的交配和繁殖

that it's one of three basically different brain systems

发展而来的最基本的三种不同的大脑组织。

that evolved from mating and reproduction.

One is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification.

其中一种是性欲：对性的一种渴望。

W.H. Auden called it an "intolerable neural itch,"

W.H.Auden称之为：不能忍受的神经性冲动

and indeed, that's what it is.

确实，它就是那样的。

它总是不停的烦扰着你，就像饥饿一样。

It keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry.

The second of these three brain systems is romantic love:

第二个就是浪漫的爱情：

that elation, obsession of early love.

那种让人欢欣鼓舞，使人痴迷的情窦初开。

And the third brain system is attachment:

那第三种就是依赖

that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.

那是一种从长期伴侣那里才能体会到的宁静和安全。

And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there,

我认为就是对性的渴望使你

looking for a whole range of partners.

走出去从人群中寻找伴侣

You can feel it when you're just driving along in your car.

你知道，在你开车的时候你可以感觉到它

It can be focused on nobody.

它会使人魂不守舍

I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy

而浪漫爱情会使你专注

on just one individual at a time,

只与一个人发生关系

thereby conserving mating time and energy.

因此你储蓄着交配的能量，等待着时机

And I think that attachment, the third brain system,

而第三种大脑系统：依赖

evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being

则发展成使你能够对他/她很忍耐（笑声）。

at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.

这种宽容至少可以帮你撑过抚养小孩的这段时间。

So with that preamble,

开场白之后，我要讨论两个最显著的社会趋势。

I want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends.

One of the last 10,000 years

其中一个产生于10000年前，另一个则是25年前，

and the other, certainly of the last 25 years,

that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems:

这两种趋势都对性欲，爱情，和依赖

lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.

这三种不同的脑系统产生过影响。

The first is women working, moving into the workforce.

第一个阶段就是女人开始工作，成为劳动力的一部分。

我查过联合国的世界人口统计年鉴中的130-150个国家

I've looked at 130 societies

through the demographic yearbooks of the United Nations.

Everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them,

发现130个中有129个国家的女性在进入劳动市场

women are not only moving into the job market --

sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market --

过程可能比较缓慢的，但这个趋势确定无疑

and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women

男性与女性之间

in terms of economic power, health and education.

经济能力，健康和教育方面的距离正在缩小

It's very slow.

这个过程同样非常缓慢

For every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend.

对于地球上出现的每种趋势，总会伴随着一种阻力

We all know of them, but nevertheless --

对此，我们都很了解，但就像古老的阿拉伯谚语

the Arabs say, "The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on."

所说的：“狗会叫吠，但是车队仍在前行。”

And, indeed, that caravan is moving on.

事实上也的确如此，这一趋势滚滚向前。

Women are moving back into the job market.

女性正在重返劳动市场。

And I say back into the job market, because this is not new.

我之所以说是重返，因为女性劳动这事并不新鲜。

For millions of years, on the grasslands of Africa,

在百万年以来的非洲大地上，

女性每天往返于牧场种植收割蔬菜。

women commuted to work to gather their vegetables.

They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.

她们带着60-80%的晚餐回到家

The double income family was the standard.

双人收入的家庭才是标准家庭

And women were regarded as just as economically,

同时，女性也拥有同男性一样的经济能力，社会能力和选择伴侣的权力

socially and sexually powerful as men.

In short, we're really moving forward to the past.

简而言之，我们是返璞归真了

Then, women's worst invention was the plow.

然而，女性最差的发明就是犁

With the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful.

随着犁耕农业社会的开始，男性的所扮演的角色变得出奇的强势

Women lost their ancient jobs as collectors,

女性失去了其作为收割者原始的工作

但是随着工业革命和后工业革命的产生

but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution

they're moving back into the job market.

女性开始重返劳动市场

In short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago,

简而言之，她们正在获得在百万年前就拥的社会地位和身份

10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago.

甚至早在10000年甚至100000年前就曾拥有过

We are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions

我们现在看到的是人类历史上最具标志性的传统之一

in the history of the human animal.

而且这个传统正在产生影响

And it's going to have an impact.

I generally give a whole lecture

通常，我的整个讲演都可以围绕女性对经济领域的影响，

on the impact of women on the business community.

I'll say just a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love.

这次我只会举其中几件事来讲，接下来讲爱情和性的部分

There's a lot of gender differences;

男性与女性之间存在很多的差异

anybody who thinks men and women are alike

那那些认为男人和女人很相似的人肯定没有同时抚养过儿子和女儿

simply never had a boy and a girl child.

I don't know why they want to think that men and women are alike.

我不知道为什么他们会认为男人和女人是一样的

There's much we have in common,

男人和女人是有很多相同的地方，但是

but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common.

也有很多不同

We are -- in the words of Ted Hughes,

正如Ted Hughs 所言，

"I think that we are like two feet. We need each other to get ahead."

“我们就像人的两只脚一样，需要彼此配合才能继续前行。”

But we did not evolve to have the same brain.

但我们的大脑并没有进化成一样的构造

And we're finding more and more gender differences in the brain.

而且现在正发现越来越多在思想上的差异

I'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love.

我只讲其中几点，然后就将进入到性和爱情的部分

One of them is women's verbal ability.

其中一个是女性的语言能力。女人是聊天高手

Women can talk.

Women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation

女性可以迅速找到正确的词汇，最清楚的说明事情

goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle,

这种能力在月经周期中间雌性激素达到顶峰时提高

when estrogen levels peak.

But even at menstruation, they're better than the average man.

但是就算是在月经的时候，她们的表现都比普通男性好

Women can talk.

女性擅于交谈

They've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools.

她们早在百万年前就如此，语言是她们的工具

They held that baby in front of their face,

她们面对面的抚养教育小孩

cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words.

她们用语言哄小孩，骂小孩，教育小孩

And, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.

然而，女性正在成为一股强大的力量

Even in places like India and Japan,

甚至在一些女性进入普通劳动市场

where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market,

较慢的国家如印度和日本

they're moving into journalism.

女性也进入到了新闻行业

And I think that the television is like the global campfire.

我认为电视就像一个全球的篝火晚会

We sit around it and it shapes our minds.

我们围着它，同时它也在影响着我们的思想

Almost always, when I'm on TV, the producer who calls me,

每每在我录制节目时，那些给我打电话商量谈话内容的

who negotiates what we're going to say,

制片人几乎都是女性

is a woman.

In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said,

事实上，Solzhenitsyn曾经说过，

“拥有一个伟大的作家就像拥有了另一个政府”

"To have a great writer is to have another government."

Today 54 percent of people who are writers in America are women.

如今在美国54%的作家都是女性

这只是女性拥有的众多特性中的一个

It's one of many, many characteristics that women have

that they will bring into the job market.

这些特点帮助她们进入到劳动市场

They've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills.

女人拥有非凡的人际技巧和谈判技巧

They're highly imaginative.

有着丰富的想象力

We now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning.

想象力和长远计划形成的大脑路线

They tend to be web thinkers.

她们是思路缜密的思考者

Because the female parts of the brain are better connected,

因为女性大脑各部分联系的更好

they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think,

在她们思考的时候，能收集更多的数据

put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes.

组合成更加的复杂的形式，看到更多选择和结果

They tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers,

她们能进行条理清楚、整体性的思考，称为网络思考者

what I call web thinkers.

Men tend to -- and these are averages --

而男人会剔除他们认为不相关的事

tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous,

focus on what they do,

只专注于他们正在做的事情，思考方式偏向于按部就班式

and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern.

They're both perfectly good ways of thinking.

这两种思考方式都很好

We need both of them to get ahead.

我们需要他们共同发展

In fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world.

事实上，在这个世界上，男性天才还是偏多的

And there's also many more male idiots in the world.

但是，世界上的白痴也是男性偏多的（笑声）

(Laughter)

When the male brain works well, it works extremely well.

当男性的大脑运行好的时候，可以非常的好

And what I really think that we're doing is,

我认为我们正在努力地建立一个合作型社会

we're moving towards a collaborative society,

a society in which the talents of both men and women

一个逐渐认同男性和女性才能的社会

are becoming understood and valued and employed.

并且给予重视和利用

But in fact, women moving into the job market

实际上，女性进入到劳动市场

is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life.

对性，爱情和家庭生活方面都有重大影响

Foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality.

最明显的，女性开始表现出他们的性欲

I'm always astonished when people come to me and say,

我总是很惊讶每当人们这样问我：

"Why is it that men are so adulterous?"

“为什么男性总是那么的花心？”

"Why do you think more men are adulterous than women?"

我就说“你怎么就认定是男性比女性花心呢？”

"Well, men are more adulterous!"

“显然啊，男性就是比较花心！”

我问他们，“那这些男人是和在什么人上床呢？”

And I say, "Who do you think these men are sleeping with?"

结果显而易见吧（笑声）

(Laughter)

And -- basic math!

Anyway.

不管怎样，

In the Western world,

在西方世界

women start sooner at sex, have more partners,

女性性成熟较早，她们拥有过更多的性伴侣

express less remorse for the partners that they do,

且并不会因为自己的“博爱”而自责

marry later, have fewer children,

她们结婚更晚，小孩较少，为了寻找更好的婚姻而离婚

leave bad marriages in order to get good ones.

We are seeing the rise of female sexual expression.

女性有了更多对性的表达和诉求

And, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression

的确，我们在性表达上再一次

that we probably saw on the grasslands of Africa a million years ago,

回到了百万年前非洲大地上的情景

because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see

因为这就是以打猎和采摘为生活方式的

in hunting and gathering societies today.

社会具有的性表达

We're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality.

我们婚姻的平等状况也正恢复原古时代

They're now saying that the 21st century

有个说法就是，21世纪

is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage,"

的婚姻可以被称为“对等婚姻”

or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage."

“纯洁的婚姻”也可以称为“彼此不承担法律义务的婚姻”

This is a marriage between equals,

一种在平等主体间建立的婚姻

moving forward to a pattern

回到了和远古时代人类精神高度一致的形式

that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.

We're also seeing a rise of romantic love.

我们也看到了人们对浪漫爱情的追求

91 percent of American women and 86 percent of American men

美国91%的女性和86%的男性

would not marry somebody who had every single quality

并不会因为对方具有自己心中的所有品质而结婚

they were looking for in a partner,

if they were not in love with that person.

如果他/她们不爱对方

People around the world, in a study of 37 societies,

对37个国家的研究发现，世界各地的人们

want to be in love with the person that they marry.

只希望与他们所爱的人结婚

Indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.

的确，包办婚姻已经开始淡出历史的舞台

I even think that marriages might even become more stable

我认为婚姻应该变得更加的稳定

because of the second great world trend.

因为我们正面临着第二个巨大趋势

The first one being women moving into the job market,

第一个就是女性进入劳动力市场

the second one being the aging world population.

第二个就是人口老龄化

They're now saying that in America,

如今在美国

that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85.

85岁才能被称为中年

Because in that highest age category of 76 to 85,

因为，在76到85岁的这个年龄段

as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them.

40%的人们健康是没有任何问题的

So we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.

所以，我们看到了中年阶层队伍的扩大

For one of my books, I looked at divorce data in 58 societies.

我自己的一本书里面有58个国家的离婚率统计

And as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce.

你可以发现，随着年纪的增大，离婚率也随着降低

So the divorce rate right now is stable in America,

所以现在美国的离婚率是稳定的

and it's actually beginning to decline.

实际上正在逐渐的降低

It may decline some more.

未来还会继续下降

而且随着“伟哥”，“雌性激素更新”，“臀部改造”等技术的出现

I would even say that with Viagra,

estrogen replacement, hip replacements

and the incredibly interesting women

女性也变得越来越有魅力

-- women have never been as interesting as they are now.

女性从未像现在这样有吸引力

Not at any time on this planet have women been so educated,

没有哪个时期的女性像今天这样如此的有教养，有魅力和有能力

so interesting, so capable.

And so I honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution

所以我非常确信，在人类进化的历史上

when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.

最有条件创造完美婚姻的时机，就是现在！

However, there's always kinds of complications in this.

然而，这个过程还是存在着很多复杂问题

These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love and attachment --

在这三个大脑系统中性，浪漫爱情，和依赖

don't always go together.

并不总是结合在一起的

They can go together, by the way.

顺便说一下，它们是可以同时存在的

That's why casual sex isn't so casual.

这就是为什么偶然的性爱也不是那么的随便的

With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine.

随着性高潮的到来，你的身体会释放多巴胺

Dopamine's associated with romantic love,

多巴胺是和浪漫爱情联系在一起的

and you can just fall in love with somebody

你会爱上那个刚刚和你“一夜情”的人

who you're just having casual sex with.

With orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin --

同时伴随性高潮，身体还会产生“后叶催产素”和“后叶加压素”

those are associated with attachment.

这些都是与“依赖”相关的激素

This is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody

这就是为什么你与别人发生关系之后，你会感觉到

after you've made love to them.

自己和他/她紧紧的联系在一起

But these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment,

但是这三个情感系统

aren't always connected to each other.

并不总会绑在一起

You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner

你对相处了很久的一个伴侣有很深的依赖和责任感

while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else,

同时你又强烈的爱着另外的人

while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners.

同时你可能对第三个人产生性欲

In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time.

简单的说，我们能在同一时间爱很多人

In fact, you can lie in bed at night

事实上，当我们晚上躺在床上时

and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person

我们可以想着对某人的依赖感

to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else.

再感受着与某人的浪漫爱情

It's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head

在你头脑中仿佛在开一个小组会议

as you are trying to decide what to do.

因为你需要做一个选择

So I don't think, honestly,

所以我认为，人类并不是一个被创造出来享受快乐的物种

we're an animal that was built to be happy;

we are an animal that was built to reproduce.

我们是一种被创造出来繁衍后代的物种

I think the happiness we find, we make.

我认为幸福是我们发现，我们创造的

And I think, however,

我们可以和每个人建立良好的关系

we can make good relationships with each other.

So I want to conclude with two things.

所以我想以两件事来做总结

一件是让我担忧的事

I want to conclude with a worry,

我有一个担忧，和一个精彩的故事

and with a wonderful story.

我的担忧是关于抗抑郁药的

The worry is about antidepressants.

美国每年会开出超过一亿份抗抑郁处方

Over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants

are written every year in the United States.

And these drugs are going generic.

这些药物正变得很普遍

They are seeping around the world.

它们渗入到世界各地

I know one girl who's been on these antidepressants,

我认识一个女孩从她13岁开始就在服用抗抑郁药

SSRIs, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13.

一种用于提升血清素的抗抑郁药物

She's 23. She's been on them ever since she was 13.

今年她23岁，她从13岁就开始服用这种药

I've got nothing against people who take them short term,

我不反对那些在短期内因为遇到非常

when they're going through something horrible.

烦恼的事情而服用抗抑郁药的人

They want to commit suicide or kill somebody else.

对那些想要自杀或者杀人的患者

I would recommend it.

我是建议他们服用的

But more and more people in the United States

但是越来越多的美国人开始长时期的服用抑郁药

are taking them long term.

这些药物的作用是提高“血清素”的含量

And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin.

And by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit.

随着血清素含量的上升，抑制了多巴胺的循环

Everybody knows that.

每个人都知道

Dopamine is associated with romantic love.

多巴胺是与浪漫爱情联系的

Not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit,

抗抑郁药不仅抑制了多巴胺的产生，也使性欲下降

but they kill the sex drive.

And when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm.

当你的性欲下降时，你将失去性高潮

And when you kill orgasm,

一旦失去性高潮，那些让你产生依赖感的激素就被遏制

you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment.

The things are connected in the brain.

神经系统在大脑里都是相互关联的

And when you tamper with one brain system,

其中一个大脑系统被破坏的时侯

you're going to tamper with another.

另一个系统也将紊乱

I'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.

我只想说一个没有的爱的世界是没有生机的

So now --

(Applause)

所以（鼓掌）谢谢

Thank you.

我想以一个故事来结束，然后就是一句评价

I want to end with a story.

And then, just a comment.

I've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years.

我对爱情，性和依赖的研究已经有30年了

我是双胞胎，对为什么我们如此的相像很感兴趣

I'm an identical twin; I am interested in why we're all alike.

Why you and I are alike, why the Iraqis and the Japanese

为什么你和我很像，为什么伊拉克人，日本人

and the Australian Aborigines and the people of the Amazon River

澳大利亚土著人，和亚马孙河流域的人都是那么像

are all alike.

And about a year ago,

大约一年前，一个网络婚介服务公司Match.com找到我

an Internet dating service, Match.com, came to me

and asked me if I would design a new dating site for them.

想让我为他们设计一个新的约会站点

I said, "I don't know anything about personality. You know?

我说：“我对性格一点都不了解，你知道吗？”

I don't know. Do you think you've got the right person?"

我不确定你是否找对了人

They said, "Yes."

他们回答：“是的”

It got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love

这让我开始思考，为什么你会爱上某一个人而不是另外的人

with one person rather than another.

That's my current project; it will be my next book.

这是我目前正在研究的课题，也是我下本书的内容

There's all kinds of reasons

你出于各种理由爱上某个人

that you fall in love with one person rather than another.

Timing is important. Proximity is important.

时机很重要，距离也很重要

Mystery is important.

神秘感很重要。你可能由于某个人很神秘而爱上他

You fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious,

因为神秘感可以使你脑中的多巴胺上升

in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain,

probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love.

让你越过那道闸门而坠入爱河

You fall in love with somebody

你爱上那些正好符合你“爱情地图”的人

who fits within what I call your "love map,"

an unconscious list of traits

他符合你在童年时期潜意识里设定的择偶清单

that you build in childhood as you grow up.

And I also think that you gravitate to certain people,

我还认为，你将会被

那些和你有互补特质的人所吸引

actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems.

And that's what I'm now contributing to this.

这就是我现在正在努力研究的课题

But I want to tell you a story, to illustrate.

但是我想告诉你一个故事来说明这个问题

I've been carrying on here about the biology of love.

我在这儿谈论的是爱情的生理基础

I wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too,

我想再告诉你们关于文化的一些东西

the magic of it.

关于爱情的魔力

It's a story that was told to me

这是一个听别人转述的故事

by somebody who had heard it just from one --

probably a true story.

应该是一个真实的故事

是关于一个研究生的，我是Rutgers的，我的两个同事

It was a graduate student -- I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues --

Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook.

Art Aaron 是 SUNY Stonybrook的

That's where we put our people in the MRI machine.

就是我们为那些人做核磁共振扫描的地方

And this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student,

这个研究生疯狂的爱上了另外一个研究生

and she was not in love with him.

但是那个女生并不爱他

And they were all at a conference in Beijing.

后来他们一起去参加一个在北京的研讨会

他从我们的工作中得知，如果你与某人一起做一些非常新鲜的事，

And he knew from our work

that if you go and do something very novel with somebody,

you can drive up the dopamine in the brain,

可以使那人脑中的多巴胺值上升

and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love.

这样就很可能引致浪漫爱情的出现（大笑）

(Laughter)

因此他决定把科学应用到实践中去

So he decided he'd put science to work.

所以他约这个女孩一起坐黄包车

And he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.

And sure enough -- I've never been in one,

我自己从来没做过黄包车

but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks

他们穿梭于巴士和卡车之间

and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting.

非常的疯狂，非常的嘈杂也非常的刺激

He figured that this would drive up the dopamine,

男生觉得这样会增加女孩脑中的多巴胺

and she'd fall in love with him.

使女孩子爱上他

So off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him

一路上，那个女孩兴奋的叫着，靠着他

愉悦享受着美好的时光

and laughing and having a wonderful time.

An hour later they get down off of the rickshaw,

一小时后他们下了黄包车

and she throws her hands up and she says,

那个女孩举起她的双手问道：“太刺激了，感觉太好了!”

"Wasn't that wonderful?"

And, "Wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!"

“那个车夫好帅哦！”

(Laughter)

（大笑）（鼓掌）

(Applause)

There's magic to love!

这就是爱情的魔力

(Applause)

But I will end by saying that millions of years ago,

在结束时我要说，在百万年前，人类就发展出三个大脑系统

we evolved three basic drives:

the sex drive, romantic love

性欲，爱情和对长期伴侣的依赖

and attachment to a long-term partner.

这些循环系统深深扎根于人类的大脑中

These circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain.

They're going to survive as long as our species survives

它们将与人类一起长期共存

on what Shakespeare called "this mortal coil."

这就是莎士比亚说的“尘世的烦恼”

Thank you.

谢谢。

Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!

(Applause)