The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained | Joseph Kim

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Prevodilac: Mile Živković Lektor: Ivana Korom

I was born and raised in North Korea.

Rođen sam i odrastao sam u Severnoj Koreji.

Although my family constantly struggled against poverty,

Iako se moja porodica stalno borila sa siromaštvom,

I was always loved and cared for first,

na mene su uvek prvo pazili i voleli me

because I was the only son

jer sam bio jedini sin

and the youngest of two in the family.

i mlađi od dvoje dece u porodici.

But then the great famine began in 1994.

Ali onda je počela velika glad 1994.

I was four years old.

Imao sam 4 godine.

My sister and I would go searching for firewood

Sestra i ja bismo tražili drva za potpalu

starting at 5 in the morning

od 5 ujutru

and come back after midnight.

i vratili bi se posle ponoći.

I would wander the streets searching for food,

Lutao bih ulicama tražeći hranu

and I remember seeing a small child

i sećam se kako sam video malo dete

tied to a mother's back eating chips,

vezano za leđa majke kako jede čips,

and wanting to steal them from him.

i kako sam hteo da ga ukradem od njega.

Hunger is humiliation. Hunger is hopelessness.

Glad je poniženje. Glad je beznađe.

For a hungry child, politics and freedom

Gladno dete ni ne pomišlja

are not even thought of.

na politiku i slobodu.

On my ninth birthday, my parents

Za moj deveti rođendan, moji roditelji

couldn't give me any food to eat.

nisu mogli da mi daju ništa da jedem.

But even as a child, I could feel the heaviness

Ali čak i kao dete, mogao sam da osetim poteškoće

in their hearts.

u njihovim srcima.

Over a million North Koreans died of starvation in that time,

Preko milion Severnokorejaca umrlo je od gladi u to vreme,

and in 2003, when I was 13 years old,

a 2003., kada sam imao 13 godina,

my father became one of them.

moj otac je postao jedan od njih.

I saw my father wither away and die.

Gledao sam kako moj otac vene i umire.

In the same year, my mother disappeared one day,

Iste godine, moja majka je nestala jednog dana

and then my sister told me

i onda mi je sestra rekla

that she was going to China to earn money,

da je otišla u Kinu da zaradi novac,

but that she would return with money and food soon.

ali da će se uskoro vratiti sa novcem i hranom.

Since we had never been separated,

Pošto se nikada nismo razdvajali,

and I thought we would be together forever,

i mislio sam da ćemo zauvek biti zajedno,

I didn't even give her a hug when she left.

nisam je čak ni zagrlio kada je otišla.

It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.

To je bila najveća greška koju sam napravio u svom životu.

But again, I didn't know

Ali ipak, nisam znao

it was going to be a long goodbye.

da se opraštamo na tako dugo.

I have not seen my mom or my sister since then.

Od tada nisam video svoju majku i sestru.

Suddenly, I became an orphan and homeless.

Odjednom sam postao siroče i beskućnik.

My daily life became very hard,

Moja svakodnevica je postala veoma teška,

but very simple.

ali i veoma jednostavna.

My goal was to find a dusty piece of bread in the trash.

Moj cilj je bio da nađem prašnjav komad hleba u smeću.

But that is no way to survive.

Ali to nije način da se preživi.

I started to realize, begging would not be the solution.

Počeo sam da shvatam da prošenje ne bi bilo rešenje.

So I started to steal from food carts in illegal markets.

Tako sam počeo da kradem iz kolica sa hranom na ilegalnim pijacama.

Sometimes, I found small jobs

Ponekad bih našao posliće

in exchange for food.

u zamenu za hranu.

Once, I even spent two months in the winter

Jedne zime sam proveo čak dva meseca

working in a coal mine,

radeći u rudniku uglja,

33 meters underground without any protection

33 metra pod zemljom bez ikakve zaštite

for up to 16 hours a day.

i do 16 sati dnevno.

I was not uncommon.

Ja nisam bio jedini.

Many other orphans survived this way, or worse.

Puno druge siročadi preživljavalo je na ovaj ili gore načine.

When I could not fall asleep from bitter cold

Kada nisam mogao da zaspim zbog jezive hladnoće

or hunger pains,

ili bolova od gladi,

I hoped that, the next morning,

nadao sam da će se sledećeg jutra

my sister would come back to wake me up

moja sestra vratiti da me probudi

with my favorite food.

sa mojom omiljenom hranom.

That hope kept me alive.

Ta nada me je držala u životu.

I don't mean big, grand hope.

Ne mislim na veliku, ogromnu nadu.

I mean the kind of hope that made me believe

Mislim na nadu koja me je terala da verujem

that the next trash can had bread,

da ima hleba u sledećoj kanti za smeće,

even though it usually didn't.

iako to obično nije bio slučaj.

But if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't even try,

Ali da nisam verovao u to, ne bih ni pokušao

and then I would die.

i onda bih umro.

Hope kept me alive.

Nada me je držala u životu.

Every day, I told myself,

Svakog dana sam sebi govorio,

no matter how hard things got,

koliko god bilo teško,

still I must live.

opet moram da živim.

After three years of waiting for my sister's return,

Nakon čekanja tri godine da se vrati moja sestra,

I decided to go to China to look for her myself.

odlučio sam da odem u Kinu i da je sam potražim.

I realized

Shvatio sam

I couldn't survive much longer this way.

da nisam mogao da preživim još dugo na ovaj način.

I knew the journey would be risky,

Znao sam da će putovanje biti rizično,

but I would be risking my life either way.

ali svejedno bih rizikovao svoj život.

I could die of starvation like my father in North Korea,

Mogao bih da umrem od gladi kao moj otac u Severnoj Koreji,

or at least I could try for a better life

ili bih makar mogao da pokušam da dođem do boljeg života

by escaping to China.

tako što bih pobegao u Kinu.

I had learned that many people tried to cross

Saznao sam da su mnogi pokušali da pređu

the border to China in the nighttime to avoid being seen.

granicu sa Kinom noću kako ih ne bi videli.

North Korean border guards often shoot and kill people

Granični čuvari Severne Koreje često pucaju na ljude

trying to cross the border without permission.

koji pokušavaju da pređu granicu bez dozvole.

Chinese soldiers will catch

Kineski vojnici bi uhvatili

and send back North Koreans,

i vratili Severnokorejce

where they face severe punishment.

koji bi se suočili sa teškom kaznom.

I decided to cross during the day,

Odlučio sam da pređem tokom dana,

first because I was still a kid and scared of the dark,

prvo zbog toga što sam još bio dete i plašio sam se mraka,

second because I knew I was already taking a risk,

a drugo zato što sam znao da već rizikujem

and since not many people tried to cross during the day,

a pošto malo ljudi pokušava da pređe tokom dana,

I thought I might be able to cross

mislio sam da ću moći da prođem

without being seen by anyone.

a da me niko ne vidi.

I made it to China on February 15, 2006.

U Kinu sam došao 15. februara 2006.

I was 16 years old.

Imao sam 16 godina.

I thought things in China would be easier,

Mislio sam da će u Kini stvari ići lakše,

since there was more food.

pošto je bilo više hrane.

I thought more people would help me.

Mislio sam da će mi više ljudi pomoći.

But it was harder than living in North Korea,

Ali bilo je teže nego u Severnoj Koreji,

because I was not free.

jer nisam bio slobodan.

I was always worried about being caught

Uvek sam se plašio da će me uhvatiti

and sent back.

i vratiti nazad.

By a miracle, some months later,

Nekim čudom, nekoliko meseci kasnije,

I met someone who was running

sreo sam nekog ko je vodio

an underground shelter for North Koreans,

ilegalno sklonište za Severnokorejce

and was allowed to live there

i mogao sam da živim tamo

and eat regular meals for the first time in many years.

i imam redovne obroke prvi put nakon više godina.

Later that year, an activist helped me escape China

Kasnije te godine, jedan aktivista mi je pomogao da pobegnem iz Kine

and go to the United States as a refugee.

i odem u SAD kao izbeglica.

I went to America without knowing a word of English,

Otišao sam u Ameriku a nisam znao ni reč engleskog,

yet my social worker told me that I had to go to high school.

a moj socijalni radnik mi je rekao da moram da idem u srednju školu.

Even in North Korea, I was an F student.

Čak i u Severnoj Koreji, bio sam očajan đak.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And I barely finished elementary school.

I jedva sam završio osnovnu školu.

And I remember I fought in school more than once a day.

I sećam se da sam se u školi tukao više puta dnevno.

Textbooks and the library were not my playground.

Biblioteka i knjige nisu bili moje igralište.

My father tried very hard to motivate me into studying,

Moj otac se zaista trudio da me motiviše da učim,

but it didn't work.

ali to nije uspevalo.

At one point, my father gave up on me.

U jednom trenutku on je odustao od mene.

He said, "You're not my son anymore."

Rekao je: "Više nisi moj sin."

I was only 11 or 12, but it hurt me deeply.

Imao sam samo 11 ili 12 godina, ali me je to duboko povredilo.

But nevertheless, my level of motivation

Ipak, moj nivo motivacije

still didn't change before he died.

se nije promenio pre njegove smrti.

So in America, it was kind of ridiculous

Tako da je bilo pomalo smešno kada su mi u Americi

that they said I should go to high school.

rekli da treba da idem u srednju školu.

I didn't even go to middle school.

Nisam čak išao ni u više razrede osnovne.

I decided to go, just because they told me to,

Odlučio sam da idem, samo zato što su mi rekli,

without trying much.

i nisam se puno trudio.

But one day, I came home and my foster mother

Ali jednog dana sam došao kući i moja hraniteljica

had made chicken wings for dinner.

je napravila pileća krilca za večeru.

And during dinner, I wanted to have one more wing,

Tokom večere, hteo sam da uzmem još jedno krilce,

but I realized there were not enough for everyone,

ali sam shvatio da nema dovoljno za sve,

so I decided against it.

tako da sam se predomislio.

When I looked down at my plate,

Kada sam pogledao u svoj tanjir,

I saw the last chicken wing, that my foster father had given me his.

video sam poslednje krilce, koje je mi je dao moj hranitelj.

I was so happy.

Bio sam tako srećan.

I looked at him sitting next to me.

Pogledao sam ga kako sedi pored mene.

He just looked back at me very warmly,

Toplo mi je uzvratio pogled,

but said no words.

ali ništa nije rekao.

Suddenly I remembered my biological father.

Odjednom sam se setio svog biološkog oca.

My foster father's small act of love

Mali čin ljubavi mog hranitelja

reminded me of my father,

podsetio me je na mog oca,

who would love to share his food with me

koji bi rado podelio hranu sa mnom

when he was hungry, even if he was starving.

kada je bio gladan, čak i kada je skapavao od gladi.

I felt so suffocated that I had so much food in America,

Gušilo me je to što sam u Americi imao toliko hrane,

yet my father died of starvation.

a moj otac je umro od gladi.

My only wish that night was to cook a meal for him,

Moja jedina želja te večeri bila je da mu skuvam nešto

and that night I also thought of what else I could do

i te noći sam takođe mislio o tome šta da uradim

to honor him.

da mu odam čast.

And my answer was to promise to myself

Moj odgovor je bio obećanje samom sebi

that I would study hard and get the best education

da ću da učim i imam najbolje obrazovanje

in America to honor his sacrifice.

u Americi kako bih ispoštovao njegovu žrtvu.

I took school seriously,

Uzeo sam školu za ozbiljno

and for the first time ever in my life,

i prvi put u svom životu,

I received an academic award for excellence,

dobio sam akademsku nagradu za uspeh,

and made dean's list from the first semester in high school.

i dospeo na dekanovu listu nakon prvog semestra srednje škole.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

That chicken wing changed my life.

To pileće krilce mi je promenilo život.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Hope is personal. Hope is something

Nada je lična stvar. Nada je nešto

that no one can give to you.

što vam niko ne može dati.

You have to choose to believe in hope.

Morate da odaberete da verujete u nadu.

You have to make it yourself.

Sami morate to da uradite.

In North Korea, I made it myself.

U Severnoj Koreji, to sam uradio sam.

Hope brought me to America.

Nada me je dovela u Ameriku.

But in America, I didn't know what to do,

Ali u Americi nisam znao šta da radim,

because I had this overwhelming freedom.

jer sam imao ovu neverovatnu slobodu.

My foster father at that dinner gave me a direction,

Moj hranitelj mi je dao pravac za tom večerom

and he motivated me and gave me a purpose

i motivisao me je i dao mi je svrhu

to live in America.

života u Americi.

I did not come here by myself.

Ovde nisam došao sam.

I had hope, but hope by itself is not enough.

Imao sam nadu, ali nada sama po sebi nije dovoljna.

Many people helped me along the way to get here.

Mnogo ljudi mi je pomoglo kako bih došao dovde.

North Koreans are fighting hard to survive.

U Severnoj Koreji se žestoko bore za opstanak.

They have to force themselves to survive,

Moraju da prisile sebe kako bi preživeli,

have hope to survive,

da imaju nade da će preživeti,

but they cannot make it without help.

ali ne mogu da uspeju bez pomoći.

This is my message to you.

Ovo je moja poruka za vas.

Have hope for yourself,

Imajte nade za sebe,

but also help each other.

ali pomozite jedni drugima.

Life can be hard for everyone, wherever you live.

Život može biti težak sa svakoga, bez obzira gde živite.

My foster father didn't intend to change my life.

Moj hranitelj nije nameravao da promeni moj život.

In the same way, you may also change someone's life

Na isti način, možda i vi promenite nečiji život

with even the smallest act of love.

sa najmanjim činom ljubavi.

A piece of bread can satisfy your hunger,

Komad hleba može da vam utoli glad,

and having the hope will bring you bread

a nada će vam doneti hleb

to keep you alive.

koji će vas držati u životu.

But I confidently believe that

Ali uveren sam da

your act of love and caring

vaš čin ljubavi i brige

can also save another Joseph's life

takođe može da spasi život nekog Džozefa

and change thousands of other Josephs

i promeni hiljade drugih Džozefa

who are still having hope to survive.

koji još imaju nade da će preživeti.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Adrian Hong: Joseph, thank you for sharing

Ejdrian Hong: Džozef, hvala ti što si podelio

that very personal and special story with us.

ovu veoma intimnu i posebnu priču sa nama.

I know you haven't seen your sister for, you said,

Znam da nisi video sestru, kako kažeš

it was almost exactly a decade,

ima skoro jedna decenija,

and in the off chance that she may be able to see this,

i da ona nekim slučajem može da vidi ovo,

we wanted to give you an opportunity

želeli smo da ti damo priliku

to send her a message.

da joj pošalješ poruku.

Joseph Kim: In Korean?

Džozef Kim: Na korejskom?

AH: You can do English, then Korean as well.

EH: Možeš na engleskom, a onda i na korejskom.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

JK: Okay, I'm not going to make it any longer in Korean

DžK: U redu, neću da dužim na korejskom

because I don't think I can make it

jer mislim da ne bih uspeo da uradim to

without tearing up.

a da ne zaplačem.

Nuna, it has been already 10 years

Nuna, ima već 10 godina

that I haven’t seen you.

kako te nisam video.

I just wanted to say

Samo sam hteo da kažem

that I miss you, and I love you,

da mi nedostaješ, i da te volim,

and please come back to me and stay alive.

i molim te da se vratiš i da ostaneš živa.

And I -- oh, gosh.

I ja - o, bože.

I still haven't given up my hope to see you.

Još uvek nisam prestao da se nadam da ću te videti.

I will live my life happily

Živeću srećno

and study hard

i naporno raditi

until I see you,

dok te ne vidim,

and I promise I will not cry again.

i obećavam da neću ponovo plakati.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Yes, I'm just looking forward to seeing you,

Da, samo se radujem što ću te videti,

and if you can't find me,

i ako ne možeš da me nađeš,

I will also look for you,

i ja ću te tražiti

and I hope to see you one day.

i nadam se da ću te videti jednog dana.

And can I also make a small message to my mom?

I mogu li da pošaljem malu poruku svojoj majci?

AH: Sure, please.

EH: Naravno, izvoli.

JK: I haven't spent much time with you,

DžK: Nisam proveo puno vremena sa tobom,

but I know that you still love me,

ali znam da me još voliš

and you probably still pray for me

i verovatno se još moliš za mene

and think about me.

i misliš o meni.

I just wanted to say thank you

Samo sam hteo da ti se zahvalim

for letting me be in this world.

što si dozvolila da budem na ovom svetu.

Thank you.

Hvala ti.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)