The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained | Joseph Kim

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

譯者: Coco Shen 審譯者: NAN-KUN WU

I was born and raised in North Korea.

我在北韓出生長大。

Although my family constantly struggled against poverty,

雖然我的家庭離不開貧窮

I was always loved and cared for first,

但我仍然備受關愛，

because I was the only son

因為我是家中的獨子

and the youngest of two in the family.

也是兩個孩子中最小的。

But then the great famine began in 1994.

但在94年，大飢荒開始了。

I was four years old.

當時我四歲。

My sister and I would go searching for firewood

我姊姊和我四處尋找柴火

starting at 5 in the morning

從凌晨五點開始

and come back after midnight.

一直到午夜才回家。

I would wander the streets searching for food,

我為了尋找食物在路上遊蕩，

and I remember seeing a small child

我曾看見一個綁在母親背上的嬰兒

tied to a mother's back eating chips,

手上拿著洋芋片吃，

and wanting to steal them from him.

當時我動了偷竊的念頭。

Hunger is humiliation. Hunger is hopelessness.

飢餓讓人感到羞恥、感到絕望，

For a hungry child, politics and freedom

對一個飢餓的孩子來說

are not even thought of.

政治和自由是他想也沒想過的事。

On my ninth birthday, my parents

在我九歲生日時，

couldn't give me any food to eat.

我的雙親不能給我任何食物。

But even as a child, I could feel the heaviness

但就算我還小，

in their hearts.

我也能感受到他們內心的沈重。

Over a million North Koreans died of starvation in that time,

當時北韓有上百萬人死於飢餓，

and in 2003, when I was 13 years old,

2003年，我13歲，

my father became one of them.

我的父親成為了他們之一。

I saw my father wither away and die.

我親眼見到父親日漸衰弱，步向死亡。

In the same year, my mother disappeared one day,

同年，我的母親離開了我們，

and then my sister told me

我姊姊告訴我

that she was going to China to earn money,

她去了中國賺錢，

but that she would return with money and food soon.

她很快會帶著錢和食物回來。

Since we had never been separated,

但我們從未試過分開，

and I thought we would be together forever,

我一直以為我們會永遠在一起，

I didn't even give her a hug when she left.

她離開時我甚至沒給她一個擁抱。

It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.

這是我此生犯下最大的錯誤。

But again, I didn't know

然而，我又怎麼會知道

it was going to be a long goodbye.

這會是個如此漫長的分別。

I have not seen my mom or my sister since then.

從此以後我再也沒見過母親和姊姊。

Suddenly, I became an orphan and homeless.

突然間，我成了無家可歸的孤兒。

My daily life became very hard,

日常生活變得異常艱難。

but very simple.

但也非常簡單。

My goal was to find a dusty piece of bread in the trash.

目標是從垃圾中找出一片佈滿灰塵的麵包。

But that is no way to survive.

但這仍難以維生。

I started to realize, begging would not be the solution.

我逐漸明白，乞討也不能解決問題。

So I started to steal from food carts in illegal markets.

我開始從黑市食物攤上偷竊。

Sometimes, I found small jobs

有時我能靠著做一些小工

in exchange for food.

換取食物。

Once, I even spent two months in the winter

一次， 我在冬日的礦坑裡

working in a coal mine,

連續工作了兩個月。

33 meters underground without any protection

在三十三公尺的地底，

for up to 16 hours a day.

毫無遮蓋保護地連續工作十六個小時。

I was not uncommon.

像我這樣的孩子很尋常。

Many other orphans survived this way, or worse.

許多其他孤兒都和我一樣，甚至更差。

When I could not fall asleep from bitter cold

當我在沁骨的寒冷或飢餓的痛楚中

or hunger pains,

輾轉難眠時，

I hoped that, the next morning,

我只希望，明日早晨，

my sister would come back to wake me up

姊姊會帶著我最喜歡的食物

with my favorite food.

出現在我面前叫醒我。

That hope kept me alive.

這樣的希望，讓我活了下來。

I don't mean big, grand hope.

這不是什麼弘遠偉大的希望。

I mean the kind of hope that made me believe

而是那些相信下一個垃圾桶裡

that the next trash can had bread,

我能找到一片麵包的希望，

even though it usually didn't.

就算這希望如此渺茫。

But if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't even try,

但若我不去相信，連嘗試也不嘗試，

and then I would die.

那麼我面臨的就只有死亡。

Hope kept me alive.

希望讓我得以存活。

Every day, I told myself,

每天我都告訴自己，

no matter how hard things got,

無論狀況如何艱困，

still I must live.

我仍然要活著。

After three years of waiting for my sister's return,

我這樣等待姊姊歸來，等了三年，

I decided to go to China to look for her myself.

我決定親身去中國尋找她。

I realized

我發現，

I couldn't survive much longer this way.

我不能繼續這樣生存下去。

I knew the journey would be risky,

我知道逃亡的路極其險惡，

but I would be risking my life either way.

但不逃亡的下場也相差不遠。

I could die of starvation like my father in North Korea,

我可以留在北韓像父親一樣死於飢餓，

or at least I could try for a better life

或是我可以試著逃到中國

by escaping to China.

為自己爭取更好的生活。

I had learned that many people tried to cross

我聽說有很多人為了避免被發現 而選擇在夜晚逃亡到中國。

the border to China in the nighttime to avoid being seen.

我聽說有很多人為了避免被發現 而選擇在夜晚逃亡到中國。

North Korean border guards often shoot and kill people

駐守邊防的北韓士兵毋需批准

trying to cross the border without permission.

就能隨意射殺那些嘗試跨越國界的逃亡者。

Chinese soldiers will catch

中國士兵則會追捕

and send back North Koreans,

並遣返逃亡的北韓人，

where they face severe punishment.

讓他們面臨嚴峻的制裁。

I decided to cross during the day,

我決定在光天化日下穿越邊境，

first because I was still a kid and scared of the dark,

第一因為我還是個孩子，我怕黑，

second because I knew I was already taking a risk,

第二因為我知道我反正是冒險，

and since not many people tried to cross during the day,

既然在白天逃亡的人少，

I thought I might be able to cross

我想或許我可以不被人發現

without being seen by anyone.

成功逃亡。

I made it to China on February 15, 2006.

我是在06年的二月十五日抵達中國的。

I was 16 years old.

當時我十六歲。

I thought things in China would be easier,

我以為在中國的生活會輕鬆些，

since there was more food.

因為那裡有食物。

I thought more people would help me.

我以為會有更多人幫助我。

But it was harder than living in North Korea,

但結果是，我的生活比在北韓時更艱難，

because I was not free.

因為我失去了人身自由。

I was always worried about being caught

我總是擔心著我是否會被捉到

and sent back.

然後被遣返。

By a miracle, some months later,

幾個月後，奇蹟出現了，

I met someone who was running

我遇見一個為北韓人

an underground shelter for North Koreans,

準備了地下庇護所的人，

and was allowed to live there

他收留了我

and eat regular meals for the first time in many years.

在那裡，我吃到多年來的第一頓正餐。

Later that year, an activist helped me escape China

同年，一位工作者幫助我離開中國，

and go to the United States as a refugee.

以難民身份到了美國。

I went to America without knowing a word of English,

抵達時，我一個英文字也不懂，

yet my social worker told me that I had to go to high school.

負責我的社會工作者卻告訴我我必須上高中。

Even in North Korea, I was an F student.

就算在北韓，我也時常不及格。

(Laughter)

(笑聲‭)

And I barely finished elementary school.

‬連小學都畢業的很勉強。

And I remember I fought in school more than once a day.

我記得我在學校時常打架。

Textbooks and the library were not my playground.

課本和圖書館不是我的地盤。

My father tried very hard to motivate me into studying,

父親曾努力地激勵我用功唸書，

but it didn't work.

卻徒勞無功。

At one point, my father gave up on me.

到了一個地步，我的父親終於放棄了。

He said, "You're not my son anymore."

他說：“我再也不把你當兒子了。”

I was only 11 or 12, but it hurt me deeply.

當時我不過十一二歲，這話卻深深刺傷了我

But nevertheless, my level of motivation

始終，到他死前，

still didn't change before he died.

我都沒有改變。

So in America, it was kind of ridiculous

我連中學都沒有畢業

that they said I should go to high school.

他們卻要我在美國上高中，

I didn't even go to middle school.

這不是莫名其妙嗎？

I decided to go, just because they told me to,

我還是去了，但只是因為他們要我這樣做，

without trying much.

我沒怎麼放在心上。

But one day, I came home and my foster mother

有一天，我回家

had made chicken wings for dinner.

發現養母做了雞翅。

And during dinner, I wanted to have one more wing,

晚餐時，我很想再多吃一隻雞翅

but I realized there were not enough for everyone,

但卻發現不夠每個人吃，

so I decided against it.

於是我就沒有要求。

When I looked down at my plate,

但我的盤子裡卻出現了一隻雞翅，

I saw the last chicken wing, that my foster father had given me his.

我養父把自己的份給了我。

I was so happy.

我欣喜若狂。

I looked at him sitting next to me.

我看著坐在我旁邊的他，

He just looked back at me very warmly,

他只是默默地看著我，

but said no words.

眼神中的溫暖不言而喻。

Suddenly I remembered my biological father.

我突然想起我的生父。

My foster father's small act of love

養父的簡單的愛的舉止

reminded me of my father,

讓我想到了我自己的父親，

who would love to share his food with me

那就算在極端的飢餓中，

when he was hungry, even if he was starving.

也仍然把食物給我的父親。

I felt so suffocated that I had so much food in America,

我突然為我在美國的飽足感到窒息，

yet my father died of starvation.

我的父親死於飢餓啊。

My only wish that night was to cook a meal for him,

當晚我只有一個心願，

and that night I also thought of what else I could do

就是能為他煮一餐好吃的方法

to honor him.

同時想著其他能榮耀他的。

And my answer was to promise to myself

我想出的答案是

that I would study hard and get the best education

要自己努力讀書，在美國力爭上游

in America to honor his sacrifice.

以榮耀他的為我所作的犧牲。

I took school seriously,

我努力用功，

and for the first time ever in my life,

人生中第一次，

I received an academic award for excellence,

得到了學業優異的獎勵，

and made dean's list from the first semester in high school.

第一學期末，我拿到了院長獎。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

That chicken wing changed my life.

一隻雞翅改變了我的生命。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Hope is personal. Hope is something

希望是獨有的。希望是一種

that no one can give to you.

別人不能給你的東西。

You have to choose to believe in hope.

想要懷有希望，

You have to make it yourself.

你必須自己做出決定。

In North Korea, I made it myself.

在北韓，我自己做了決定。

Hope brought me to America.

是希望帶我來到美國。

But in America, I didn't know what to do,

但我不知道我在美國能做什麼，

because I had this overwhelming freedom.

因為自由無邊無際。

My foster father at that dinner gave me a direction,

我的養父那夜在餐桌上，為我指引方向，

and he motivated me and gave me a purpose

我有了活在美國的

to live in America.

動力和目標。

I did not come here by myself.

我不是靠自己來到這裡的。

I had hope, but hope by itself is not enough.

我有希望，但單有希望是不夠的。

Many people helped me along the way to get here.

靠著許多人的幫助，我才能來到這裡。

North Koreans are fighting hard to survive.

北韓人正努力地求生。

They have to force themselves to survive,

他們必須逼著自己活下來，

have hope to survive,

懷抱存活的希望，

but they cannot make it without help.

但他們不能只靠自己，孤身無援。

This is my message to you.

這就是我今天想告訴你們的。

Have hope for yourself,

懷抱希望，

but also help each other.

彼此幫助。

Life can be hard for everyone, wherever you live.

生活對每個人來說都有其艱難，無論你身在何方。

My foster father didn't intend to change my life.

養父沒有刻意要改變我的生命。

In the same way, you may also change someone's life

相同的，你一個極微小的愛的舉止

with even the smallest act of love.

也可能改變他人的一生。

A piece of bread can satisfy your hunger,

一片麵包能充飢，

and having the hope will bring you bread

懷抱希望

to keep you alive.

則能救命。

But I confidently believe that

我真心相信

your act of love and caring

你的愛與關懷

can also save another Joseph's life

可以拯救另一個約瑟的生命

and change thousands of other Josephs

讓無數個仍然懷抱希望的約瑟

who are still having hope to survive.

有機會生存下來。

Thank you.

感謝各位。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Adrian Hong: Joseph, thank you for sharing

Adrian Hong: 約瑟，謝謝你分享

that very personal and special story with us.

這段屬於你個人的特別旅程。

I know you haven't seen your sister for, you said,

我知道你已經有十年，

it was almost exactly a decade,

不曾見到姊姊。

and in the off chance that she may be able to see this,

我們想你藉著這個機會，

we wanted to give you an opportunity

對她說話，

to send her a message.

或許她有天會看見。

Joseph Kim: In Korean?

Joseph Kim：用韓文嗎？

AH: You can do English, then Korean as well.

AH: 先用英文，再用韓文也行。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

JK: Okay, I'm not going to make it any longer in Korean

JK: 我就不用韓文了

because I don't think I can make it

我想那樣我無法阻止自己

without tearing up.

想哭的衝動。

Nuna, it has been already 10 years

姊，已經十年了

that I haven’t seen you.

我們十年沒見面了。

I just wanted to say

我只想說，

that I miss you, and I love you,

我想你，我愛你。

and please come back to me and stay alive.

請你回到我身邊，好好活著。

And I -- oh, gosh.

我‭ ‬–‭ ‬天啊。

I still haven't given up my hope to see you.

我還沒有放棄有天能見到你的希望。

I will live my life happily

我會快樂的活著，

and study hard

努力唸書，

until I see you,

直到我們再見的那天。

and I promise I will not cry again.

我也保證我不會再哭了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yes, I'm just looking forward to seeing you,

是的，我期待見到你，

and if you can't find me,

如果你找不到我，

I will also look for you,

我也會努力找你，

and I hope to see you one day.

我希望有天能再見你。

And can I also make a small message to my mom?

我可以和我媽說句話嗎？

AH: Sure, please.

AH: 當然，請。

JK: I haven't spent much time with you,

JK:‭ ‬我們相處的機會不多，

but I know that you still love me,

但我知道你還愛我，

and you probably still pray for me

為我禱告，

and think about me.

和思念我。

I just wanted to say thank you

我只想說聲謝謝

for letting me be in this world.

帶我來到這個世界。

Thank you.

謝謝你。

(Applause)

（掌聲）