The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained | Joseph Kim

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

翻译人员: Huang Haisu 校对人员: Coco Shen

I was born and raised in North Korea.

我在朝鲜出生长大。

Although my family constantly struggled against poverty,

虽然我的家庭一直在贫困中挣扎

I was always loved and cared for first,

但我仍然备受关爱,

because I was the only son

因为我是家中的独子

and the youngest of two in the family.

也是两个孩子中最小的。

But then the great famine began in 1994.

但在94年，大饥荒开始了

I was four years old.

那时我四岁

My sister and I would go searching for firewood

我姊姊和我四出寻找柴火

starting at 5 in the morning

从凌晨五点开始

and come back after midnight.

一直到午夜才回家。

I would wander the streets searching for food,

我为了寻找食物在路上游荡

and I remember seeing a small child

我曾看见一个绑在母亲背上的婴儿

tied to a mother's back eating chips,

背在母亲的背上吃土豆片

and wanting to steal them from him.

我当时想把土豆片从他手里偷过来

Hunger is humiliation. Hunger is hopelessness.

饥饿让人感到羞耻丶感到绝望

For a hungry child, politics and freedom

对一个饥饿的孩子来说，政治和自由

are not even thought of.

是无法想象的。

On my ninth birthday, my parents

在我九岁的生日那天，我的父母

couldn't give me any food to eat.

没法给我任何吃的。

But even as a child, I could feel the heaviness

但是即使那时小，我也能感觉到

in their hearts.

父母沉重的心。

Over a million North Koreans died of starvation in that time,

一百多万朝鲜人在那个时期饿死，

and in 2003, when I was 13 years old,

然后在2003年，当我13岁的时候，

my father became one of them.

我的父亲成为了他们之一。

I saw my father wither away and die.

我目睹父亲日渐衰弱直至死亡。

In the same year, my mother disappeared one day,

同年，我的母亲突然有一天消失了，

and then my sister told me

然后我的姐姐告诉我

that she was going to China to earn money,

母亲是去中国打工挣钱了，

but that she would return with money and food soon.

但是母亲会很快带回来钱和食物。

Since we had never been separated,

由于我们从未分开过，

and I thought we would be together forever,

而且我以为我们会一直在一起，

I didn't even give her a hug when she left.

在她离开时，我都没抱她一下。

It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.

那是我这辈子犯下的最大的错误。

But again, I didn't know

然而，我当时不知道

it was going to be a long goodbye.

那将是一个永远的分离。

I have not seen my mom or my sister since then.

从那以来，我一直没有见过我的母亲和姐姐。

Suddenly, I became an orphan and homeless.

突然间，我成了一个孤儿，无家可归。

My daily life became very hard,

我每天的生活变得很难，

but very simple.

但是目标却是很简单。

My goal was to find a dusty piece of bread in the trash.

就是在垃圾堆里找到一片满是灰的面包充饥。

But that is no way to survive.

但那是不够生存的。

I started to realize, begging would not be the solution.

我开始意识到，乞讨不会解决问题。

So I started to steal from food carts in illegal markets.

所以我开始去黑市偷食品车。

Sometimes, I found small jobs

有时，我做小工

in exchange for food.

来换粮食。

Once, I even spent two months in the winter

有一次是冬天，我甚至在煤窑里

working in a coal mine,

工作了两个月，

33 meters underground without any protection

地下33米，全无任何保护

for up to 16 hours a day.

每天工作16小时。

I was not uncommon.

我的做法并不罕见。

Many other orphans survived this way, or worse.

许多其他孤儿也是在相似或是更糟糕的环境下生存下来的。

When I could not fall asleep from bitter cold

当我因为太冷或者饿得疼痛时，

or hunger pains,

我睡不着觉，

I hoped that, the next morning,

那时我希望第二天早晨，

my sister would come back to wake me up

我的姐姐会端着我最爱吃的食物

with my favorite food.

回来把我叫醒。

That hope kept me alive.

那个希望让我活下来。

I don't mean big, grand hope.

我不是说什么大的宏伟的希望。

I mean the kind of hope that made me believe

我是说那种可以让我相信

that the next trash can had bread,

在下一堆垃圾里可以找到面包的希望，

even though it usually didn't.

即使有的时候真的找不到。

But if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't even try,

但是如果我没有相信它，我就不会去尝试，

and then I would die.

那样的话，我就会死掉。

Hope kept me alive.

希望让我活下来。

Every day, I told myself,

每天，我都告诉自己，

no matter how hard things got,

无论生活难到什么样子，

still I must live.

我都要活下去。

After three years of waiting for my sister's return,

在等待我的姐姐回家的三年后，

I decided to go to China to look for her myself.

我决定去中国自己找我的姐姐。

I realized

我发现

I couldn't survive much longer this way.

这样的话我不会活太久。

I knew the journey would be risky,

我知道这次旅行会十分冒险，

but I would be risking my life either way.

但是不管做还是不做，我都是在冒生命的险。

I could die of starvation like my father in North Korea,

我会像父亲一样饿死在朝鲜，

or at least I could try for a better life

或者至少通过逃亡到中国，

by escaping to China.

我可以过得更好些。

I had learned that many people tried to cross

我之前听说许多试图跨界

the border to China in the nighttime to avoid being seen.

去中国的人选择夜间行动以免被发现。

North Korean border guards often shoot and kill people

朝鲜边界警卫经常射杀那些

trying to cross the border without permission.

未经允许而试图逃跑的人

Chinese soldiers will catch

中国士兵会逮捕

and send back North Koreans,

并遣返朝鲜人，

where they face severe punishment.

被遣送回国后他们将受到严厉的惩罚。

I decided to cross during the day,

我决定在白天行动，

first because I was still a kid and scared of the dark,

其一是因为我还是个小孩，害怕黑夜，

second because I knew I was already taking a risk,

其二是因为我知道我已经是在冒险，

and since not many people tried to cross during the day,

那既然不是很多人白天出界，

I thought I might be able to cross

我认为我也许能过去

without being seen by anyone.

而且不被发现。

I made it to China on February 15, 2006.

2006年2月15日我成功地到达了中国。

I was 16 years old.

我那时16岁。

I thought things in China would be easier,

我以为在中国生活会容易些，

since there was more food.

因为那里有更多食物。

I thought more people would help me.

我以为更多的人会帮助我。

But it was harder than living in North Korea,

但是那比生活在朝鲜还要难，

because I was not free.

因为我没有自由。

I was always worried about being caught

我总是担心被抓到

and sent back.

被遣送回国。

By a miracle, some months later,

幸运的是，几个月后，

I met someone who was running

我遇到一个人

an underground shelter for North Koreans,

他掌管一个专门照顾朝鲜人的地下组织，

and was allowed to live there

他允许我住在那里

and eat regular meals for the first time in many years.

我在许多年里头一次有规律的饮食。

Later that year, an activist helped me escape China

同年，一个积极分子帮我逃出了中国

and go to the United States as a refugee.

以难民的身份到了美国。

I went to America without knowing a word of English,

我去美国时一句英语都不会说，

yet my social worker told me that I had to go to high school.

但是我的社工告诉我我得去读高中。

Even in North Korea, I was an F student.

即使在朝鲜，我学习一直都不及格。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I barely finished elementary school.

而且我连小学都没有读完。

And I remember I fought in school more than once a day.

我记得我在学校每天至少打一次架。

Textbooks and the library were not my playground.

我对课本和图书馆毫无兴趣。

My father tried very hard to motivate me into studying,

我的父亲使劲浑身解数让我好好学习，

but it didn't work.

但没有用。

At one point, my father gave up on me.

有一次，我的父亲对我放弃了。

He said, "You're not my son anymore."

他说：”你不再是我的儿子了。“

I was only 11 or 12, but it hurt me deeply.

我那时只有11或12岁，但是那句话让我很心痛。

But nevertheless, my level of motivation

但不管怎样，我学习的劲头

still didn't change before he died.

一直到父亲去世时都没有改变。

So in America, it was kind of ridiculous

所以在美国，他们让我去读高中

that they said I should go to high school.

这件事有点荒唐。

I didn't even go to middle school.

我连中学都没有读过。

I decided to go, just because they told me to,

我决定去，只是因为他们让我去，

without trying much.

也没反驳过什么。

But one day, I came home and my foster mother

但是有一天，我回到家

had made chicken wings for dinner.

我的养母已经做好了鸡翅做晚饭。

And during dinner, I wanted to have one more wing,

吃饭的时候，我想要再吃一个鸡翅，

but I realized there were not enough for everyone,

但是我发现再吃一个那别人就不够了，

so I decided against it.

所以我就没吃。

When I looked down at my plate,

当我低头看我的盘子的时候，

I saw the last chicken wing, that my foster father had given me his.

我看到了那最后一只鸡翅，我的养父已经把它给我了

I was so happy.

我当时好开心。

I looked at him sitting next to me.

我看着坐在身边的他。

He just looked back at me very warmly,

他只是很温暖地朝我看了一眼，

but said no words.

并没有说话。

Suddenly I remembered my biological father.

突然我想起了我的生父。

My foster father's small act of love

我的养父那一点爱

reminded me of my father,

让我想起了我的父亲，

who would love to share his food with me

那个即使饿着，甚至饥寒交迫

when he was hungry, even if he was starving.

也愿意让给我食物的父亲。

I felt so suffocated that I had so much food in America,

在美国我有这么多吃的我有点不习惯

yet my father died of starvation.

因为毕竟我的父亲死于饥荒。

My only wish that night was to cook a meal for him,

我那晚唯一的心愿就是为死去的父亲做一顿饭，

and that night I also thought of what else I could do

而且那晚我还想用别方式

to honor him.

给他带去荣耀

And my answer was to promise to myself

我的答案就是向自己承诺

that I would study hard and get the best education

我要好好学习接受美国最好的教育

in America to honor his sacrifice.

给父亲的牺牲带来荣誉。

I took school seriously,

我开始认真学习，

and for the first time ever in my life,

而且我人生中头一次，

I received an academic award for excellence,

被授予了最佳学术奖，

and made dean's list from the first semester in high school.

在高中的第一个学期上了院长的名单。

(Applause)

（鼓掌声）

That chicken wing changed my life.

那只鸡翅改变了我的人生。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Hope is personal. Hope is something

希望是很私人的事情。

that no one can give to you.

希望是别人不能给你的。

You have to choose to believe in hope.

你不得不选择相信希望。

You have to make it yourself.

你不得不自己努力获得。

In North Korea, I made it myself.

在朝鲜，我自己活了下来。

Hope brought me to America.

希望把我带到美国。

But in America, I didn't know what to do,

但是在美国，我不知道我应该做什么，

because I had this overwhelming freedom.

因为突然间我有了如此无限量的自由。

My foster father at that dinner gave me a direction,

我的养父在那次晚餐时给了我方向，

and he motivated me and gave me a purpose

他鼓励我，并给了我

to live in America.

在美国生活的目的。

I did not come here by myself.

我今天来着不是靠自己来的。

I had hope, but hope by itself is not enough.

我有希望，但是希望本身并不够。

Many people helped me along the way to get here.

一路上许多人帮助我到这里来。

North Koreans are fighting hard to survive.

朝鲜人在为生存而奋战。

They have to force themselves to survive,

他们不得不强迫自己去存活下来，

have hope to survive,

有生存的希望，

but they cannot make it without help.

但是如果没有帮助那是无法实现的。

This is my message to you.

这就是我给大家的信息。

Have hope for yourself,

给自己希望，

but also help each other.

但还要互相帮助。

Life can be hard for everyone, wherever you live.

生活可以难为每一个人，无论你住在哪。

My foster father didn't intend to change my life.

我的养父当时没想要改变我的人生。

In the same way, you may also change someone's life

同样，你也可以通过一点小小的施爱

with even the smallest act of love.

改变某个人的一生。

A piece of bread can satisfy your hunger,

一片面包可以填饱肚子，

and having the hope will bring you bread

拥有希望可以给你带来面包

to keep you alive.

让你继续活下去。

But I confidently believe that

但是我信心十足地相信

your act of love and caring

您的爱和帮助

can also save another Joseph's life

也可以拯救另一个约瑟（演讲人的姓名）的生命

and change thousands of other Josephs

而且改变成千上万的约瑟

who are still having hope to survive.

那些仍有希望生存的约瑟。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（鼓掌声）

Adrian Hong: Joseph, thank you for sharing

Adiran Hong (主持人）：约瑟，谢谢你跟大家分享

that very personal and special story with us.

非常私人的而且特别的故事。

I know you haven't seen your sister for, you said,

我知道你一直没有见到你的姐姐，你说的，

it was almost exactly a decade,

差不多有整十年了，

and in the off chance that she may be able to see this,

而且也许赶巧她会正在观看这个节目，

we wanted to give you an opportunity

我们想给你一个机会

to send her a message.

向姐姐说几句。

Joseph Kim: In Korean?

Joseph Kim （演讲者）: 用朝语吗？

AH: You can do English, then Korean as well.

AH：你可以用英语，然后用朝语。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

JK: Okay, I'm not going to make it any longer in Korean

JK：好的。我觉得用朝语的话我可能不会说很长

because I don't think I can make it

因为一说

without tearing up.

眼泪就会哗哗地。

Nuna, it has been already 10 years

努妠，已经有10年

that I haven’t seen you.

没有见到你了。

I just wanted to say

我只是想说

that I miss you, and I love you,

我想你，我爱你，

and please come back to me and stay alive.

求求你一定来我这，而且一定要活着。

And I -- oh, gosh.

而且我 －哦，天呐。

I still haven't given up my hope to see you.

我仍然没有放弃看到你的希望。

I will live my life happily

我会幸福地活着

and study hard

好好学习

until I see you,

直到我看到你，

and I promise I will not cry again.

而且我保证不会再哭。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yes, I'm just looking forward to seeing you,

是的，我只是期待再见到你，

and if you can't find me,

如果你找不到我，

I will also look for you,

我会找你，

and I hope to see you one day.

我希望有一天会见到你。

And can I also make a small message to my mom?

我可以跟我的妈妈也说一句话吗？

AH: Sure, please.

AH：当然，说吧。

JK: I haven't spent much time with you,

JK：我们相处的时间不多，

but I know that you still love me,

但是我知道你依然爱我。

and you probably still pray for me

而且你可能依然在为我祈祷

and think about me.

而且想念我。

I just wanted to say thank you

我只是想说谢谢你

for letting me be in this world.

带我到这个世界里来。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（鼓掌声）