The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained | Joseph Kim

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Translator: Huanxin Liang Reviewer: Bighead Ge

I was born and raised in North Korea.

我喺北韓出世

Although my family constantly struggled against poverty,

雖然我嘅家庭一直處於貧困狀態

I was always loved and cared for first,

但係我仲係得到屋企人對我嘅關愛

because I was the only son

因為我係家中唯一嘅男丁

and the youngest of two in the family.

亦係兩個細路當中細嗰個

But then the great famine began in 1994.

但係 1994 嗰年，大饑荒爆發

I was four years old.

當時我四歲

My sister and I would go searching for firewood

我同姐姐一起出去搵柴火

starting at 5 in the morning

從清晨五點開始

and come back after midnight.

一直到凌晨先返返屋企

I would wander the streets searching for food,

我為咗搵嘢食而喺街上遊蕩

and I remember seeing a small child

我見過一個母親孭住一個細路

tied to a mother's back eating chips,

個細路喺母親背脊食緊薯仔

and wanting to steal them from him.

我當時想偷佢薯仔

Hunger is humiliation. Hunger is hopelessness.

飢餓係虐待人、令人覺得絕望嘅一樣嘢

For a hungry child, politics and freedom

對於一個受盡飢餓折磨嘅細路嚟講

are not even thought of.

政治同自由係根本諗都唔使諗

On my ninth birthday, my parents

喺我九歲生日嗰日

我嘅父母甚至無辦法畀嘢食我

couldn't give me any food to eat.

But even as a child, I could feel the heaviness

即使我當時仲好細

我可以感受到父母沉重嘅心

in their hearts.

Over a million North Koreans died of starvation in that time,

大約有一百萬北韓人因為嗰次饑荒餓死

and in 2003, when I was 13 years old,

而喺 2003 年，我 13 歲嗰年

my father became one of them.

我父親亦成為饑荒嘅受害者

I saw my father wither away and die.

我親眼目睹父親慢慢衰退嘅死亡

In the same year, my mother disappeared one day,

喺同一年嘅某日，我嘅母親突然消失咗

and then my sister told me

然後我姐姐講比我知 母親去咗中國打工搵錢

that she was going to China to earn money,

but that she would return with money and food soon.

但係佢會好快帶著金錢同食物返嚟

Since we had never been separated,

因為我哋之前從未分開過

and I thought we would be together forever,

而且我覺得我哋會永遠喺埋一齊

I didn't even give her a hug when she left.

於是佢離開嘅時候 我甚至連擁抱過佢都冇

It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.

呢個係我生命中犯咗嘅最大錯誤

But again, I didn't know

但係，我當時並唔知道

it was going to be a long goodbye.

呢次係我同母親永遠訣別

I have not seen my mom or my sister since then.

從嗰時開始 我就一直無見過我家姐同母親

Suddenly, I became an orphan and homeless.

刹時間，我成為一個孤兒，無家可歸

My daily life became very hard,

我每日嘅生活變得更加艱難

but very simple.

但係我嘅目標好簡單

My goal was to find a dusty piece of bread in the trash.

就係可以係垃圾堆度 搵到一片好多塵嘅麵包充飢

But that is no way to survive.

但係咁樣始終畀唔到我生存落去

I started to realize, begging would not be the solution.

我開始意識到，乞討解決唔到問題

So I started to steal from food carts in illegal markets.

所以我嘗試去黑市偷食品車嘅食物

Sometimes, I found small jobs

有時候，我會打散工嚟換取食物

in exchange for food.

Once, I even spent two months in the winter

有一次，我甚至喺一個煤礦度 工作咗兩個月

working in a coal mine,

33 meters underground without any protection

位於地底 33 米，無任何保護措施

for up to 16 hours a day.

每日工作 16 個鐘

I was not uncommon.

我嘅情況並唔罕見

Many other orphans survived this way, or worse.

好多孤兒都係喺同我相似 或者更加惡劣嘅環境生活

When I could not fall asleep from bitter cold

當我因為太凍或者餓壞而瞓唔到嘅時候

or hunger pains,

I hoped that, the next morning,

我希望第二朝早 姐姐會攞著我鍾意嘅食物叫醒我

my sister would come back to wake me up

with my favorite food.

That hope kept me alive.

呢個希望令我繼續生存落去

I don't mean big, grand hope.

我唔係講緊咩偉大嘅希望

I mean the kind of hope that made me believe

我講緊嘅希望係令我相信 可以喺下一堆垃圾度搵到麵包

that the next trash can had bread,

even though it usually didn't.

即使有時真係搵唔到

But if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't even try,

但係如果我無呢個信念 我連試都唔去試嘅話

and then I would die.

我就會死

Hope kept me alive.

係希望令我生存

Every day, I told myself,

每日，我都話畀自己聽

no matter how hard things got,

無論生活點樣艱難，我都要生存落去

still I must live.

After three years of waiting for my sister's return,

經過三年喺度等阿家姐

I decided to go to China to look for her myself.

我決定去中國搵佢

I realized

我發現咁樣嘅話我更加冇可能生存到

I couldn't survive much longer this way.

I knew the journey would be risky,

我明白呢次旅程非常冒險

but I would be risking my life either way.

但係留喺北韓都係一樣賭緊生命

I could die of starvation like my father in North Korea,

因為我可能會好似我父親一樣 餓死喺北韓

or at least I could try for a better life

走到中國話唔定我嘅生活會更加好

by escaping to China.

I had learned that many people tried to cross

我之前聽講過 好多人嘗試夜晚偷渡到中國

the border to China in the nighttime to avoid being seen.

避過俾人發現

North Korean border guards often shoot and kill people

北韓邊境嘅警衛好多時射殺 逃到去中國嘅人

trying to cross the border without permission.

Chinese soldiers will catch

中國士兵會逮捕 同埋送返脫北者畀北韓當局

and send back North Koreans,

where they face severe punishment.

佢哋返到去北韓會受到嚴厲嘅懲罰

I decided to cross during the day,

我當時決定日頭偷渡

first because I was still a kid and scared of the dark,

第一係我當時仲係一個細路哥，驚黑夜

second because I knew I was already taking a risk,

第二係我知道 既然我已經冒緊險，所以冇所謂

and since not many people tried to cross during the day,

而且日頭冇咁多人偷渡

I thought I might be able to cross

我覺得我可能會成功過到去

without being seen by anyone.

I made it to China on February 15, 2006.

2006 年 2 月 15 日 我成功偷渡到中國

I was 16 years old.

我當時 16 歲

I thought things in China would be easier,

我以為中國嘅生活會容易啲 因為嗰度有多啲食物

since there was more food.

I thought more people would help me.

我以為多啲人會幫我

But it was harder than living in North Korea,

點知中國嘅生活比北韓仲艱難

because I was not free.

因為我無自由

I was always worried about being caught

同埋成日擔心俾人捉返返去

and sent back.

By a miracle, some months later,

幸運嘅係，幾個月後，我遇到一個人

I met someone who was running

an underground shelter for North Koreans,

佢掌管一個照應北韓人嘅地下組織

and was allowed to live there

佢畀我住喺組織嗰度

and eat regular meals for the first time in many years.

係我咁多年嚟第一次有正餐食

Later that year, an activist helped me escape China

同年，一個人幫我逃離中國

and go to the United States as a refugee.

以難民嘅身份到達美國

I went to America without knowing a word of English,

我去美國嘅時候一句英文都唔識講

yet my social worker told me that I had to go to high school.

但係我嘅社工話畀我聽我要去讀高中

Even in North Korea, I was an F student.

即使係北韓，我嘅成績一直都唔合格

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I barely finished elementary school.

我連小學都未讀完

And I remember I fought in school more than once a day.

我記得我以前喺學校 每日至少都要打一次交

Textbooks and the library were not my playground.

我對課本同圖書館毫無興趣

My father tried very hard to motivate me into studying,

父親用盡辦法畀我好好學習

but it didn't work.

但係都係無用

At one point, my father gave up on me.

去到一個地步係父親放棄咗我

He said, "You're not my son anymore."

佢話：「你唔再係我嘅仔喇！」

I was only 11 or 12, but it hurt me deeply.

我當時得十一二歲 但係呢句話令我好心痛

But nevertheless, my level of motivation

但無論如何，一直到父親去世之前

still didn't change before he died.

我都係冇學習嘅動力

So in America, it was kind of ridiculous

所以喺美國，佢哋叫我去讀高中

that they said I should go to high school.

係有啲荒唐

I didn't even go to middle school.

我連中學都無讀過

I decided to go, just because they told me to,

我之所以決定去 都只係因為佢哋叫我去

without trying much.

但係我冇畀心機讀

But one day, I came home and my foster mother

但係有一日，我返到屋企

我嘅養母整咗雞翼做晚餐

had made chicken wings for dinner.

And during dinner, I wanted to have one more wing,

食飯嘅時候，我想食多隻雞翼

but I realized there were not enough for everyone,

但係我發現如果我食多一隻 咁其他人就唔夠食

so I decided against it.

所以我冇食到多一隻

When I looked down at my plate,

當我得低頭望著我個碟嘅時候

I saw the last chicken wing, that my foster father had given me his.

我見到養父畀咗我最後一隻雞翼

I was so happy.

我當時好開心

I looked at him sitting next to me.

我望住坐喺我隔籬嘅佢

He just looked back at me very warmly,

但佢只係好溫暖咁望咗我一眼，無講嘢

but said no words.

Suddenly I remembered my biological father.

突然間我諗起我親生父親

My foster father's small act of love

我養父對我嘅愛令我諗起我嘅父親

reminded me of my father,

who would love to share his food with me

即使挨餓，甚至極寒交迫

when he was hungry, even if he was starving.

父親都願意將佢嘅食物畀咗我先

I felt so suffocated that I had so much food in America,

美國有咁多嘢食令我好唔習慣

yet my father died of starvation.

因為畢竟我嘅父親死於饑荒

My only wish that night was to cook a meal for him,

我嗰晚唯一嘅心願就係 為過生嘅父親煮一餐飯

and that night I also thought of what else I could do

嗰晚我仲諗緊仲可以 用咩嘢其他方式嚟榮耀佢

to honor him.

And my answer was to promise to myself

我嘅答案係

要努力讀書、接受美國最好嘅教育

that I would study hard and get the best education

in America to honor his sacrifice.

嚟榮耀父親嘅犧牲

I took school seriously,

我開始認真咁學習

and for the first time ever in my life,

而且我人生第一次得到最佳學術獎

I received an academic award for excellence,

and made dean's list from the first semester in high school.

同埋喺中學嘅第一個學期 上咗優等生名錄

(Applause)

（掌聲）

That chicken wing changed my life.

嗰晚嘅雞翼改變咗我嘅人生

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Hope is personal. Hope is something

「希望」係一樣個人嘅嘢

「希望」係其他人無法畀你嘅

that no one can give to you.

You have to choose to believe in hope.

你必須要相信希望

You have to make it yourself.

你必須要令自己相信希望

In North Korea, I made it myself.

喺北韓，我令自己相信咗希望

Hope brought me to America.

希望將我帶到美國

But in America, I didn't know what to do,

但喺美國，我迷失咗，我唔知應該做咩

because I had this overwhelming freedom.

因為突然間我得到咁多自由

My foster father at that dinner gave me a direction,

嗰次晚飯我嘅養父畀咗我方向

and he motivated me and gave me a purpose

佢鼓勵我，畀咗我嚟美國生活嘅目的

to live in America.

I did not come here by myself.

我並唔係自己一個人就嚟到呢度

I had hope, but hope by itself is not enough.

我雖然帶著希望嚟到美國

但係希望本身並唔夠嘅

Many people helped me along the way to get here.

一路上，有好多人幫我嚟到呢度

North Koreans are fighting hard to survive.

北韓人為咗生存而奮鬥

They have to force themselves to survive,

佢哋要強迫自己去生活落去

have hope to survive,

強迫自己抱著對生存嘅希望

but they cannot make it without help.

但係如果無人幫手，係無法實現嘅

This is my message to you.

我留畀大家嘅說話就係︰

Have hope for yourself,

對自己要有希望，同時要彼此守望相助

but also help each other.

Life can be hard for everyone, wherever you live.

無論你住邊度，生活都可以艱難

My foster father didn't intend to change my life.

我嘅養父當時並無諗過改變我嘅人生

In the same way, you may also change someone's life

但小小嘅關愛 你都可以改變一個人嘅一生

with even the smallest act of love.

A piece of bread can satisfy your hunger,

一片麵包可以令你消除飢餓感

and having the hope will bring you bread

擁有希望可以為你帶嚟食物 令你繼續生存落去

to keep you alive.

But I confidently believe that

我好相信

your act of love and caring

你嘅愛同關心 可以救到一個北韓人嘅生命

can also save another Joseph's life

and change thousands of other Josephs

同改變成千上萬個 仍然抱著生存希望嘅北韓人

who are still having hope to survive.

Thank you.

多謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Adrian Hong: Joseph, thank you for sharing

主持人： Joseph

多謝你同大家分享 非常私人而且特別嘅故事

that very personal and special story with us.

I know you haven't seen your sister for, you said,

我知道你一直無見過你嘅姐姐

it was almost exactly a decade,

正如你話齋將近有十年嘞

and in the off chance that she may be able to see this,

考慮到佢有可能睇到呢個大會

we wanted to give you an opportunity

我哋想畀你同你姐姐講幾句

to send her a message.

Joseph Kim: In Korean?

講者︰用韓文嗎？

AH: You can do English, then Korean as well.

主持︰你可以先用英文然後再用韓文

(Laughter)

(笑聲）

JK: Okay, I'm not going to make it any longer in Korean

講者︰好嘅 但我覺得我唔會用韓文講好多

because I don't think I can make it

因為一講我就會淚流不止

without tearing up.

Nuna, it has been already 10 years

努娜，已經有將近十年我無見到你喇

that I haven’t seen you.

I just wanted to say

我只係想講我好掛住你，我愛你

that I miss you, and I love you,

and please come back to me and stay alive.

你一定要嚟搵我，一定要好好生存

And I -- oh, gosh.

而且我…

I still haven't given up my hope to see you.

我仍然冇放棄再見到你嘅希望

I will live my life happily

喺我見到你之前

我都會幸福咁生活落去 同埋努力讀書

and study hard

until I see you,

and I promise I will not cry again.

而且我保證我唔會再喊

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yes, I'm just looking forward to seeing you,

係嘅，我只係希望能夠再見到你

and if you can't find me,

如果你搵唔到我，我都會去搵你

I will also look for you,

and I hope to see you one day.

我希望有一日會見返你

And can I also make a small message to my mom?

我可以同我媽咪都講兩句嗎？

AH: Sure, please.

主持︰當然，請講

JK: I haven't spent much time with you,

講者︰雖然我哋相處嘅時間唔多

but I know that you still love me,

但係我知道你依然愛我

and you probably still pray for me

並且你可能依然仲為我祈禱同掛住我

and think about me.

I just wanted to say thank you

我只係想多謝你將我帶嚟呢個世界

for letting me be in this world.

Thank you.

多謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）