If I controlled the Internet | Rives

Prevodilac: Sandra Gojic Lektor: Ivana Korom

I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress

Napisao sam ovu pesmu nakon što sam čuo vrlo poznatu glumicu

tell a very well known interviewer on television,

kako govori vrlo poznatom tv voditelju.

"I'm really getting into the Internet lately.

"Zaista me zanima internet u poslednje vreme.

I just wish it were more organized."

Samo bih volela da je organizovaniji."

So ...

Dakle -

(Laughter)

(smeh)

If I controlled the Internet,

da ja kontrolišem internet,

you could auction your broken heart on eBay.

mogli biste svoje slomljeno srce da prodate na "eBay"-u,

Take the money; go to Amazon;

uzmete novac, odete na "Amazon",

buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random

kupite telefonski imenik zemlje u kojoj nikada niste bili, nasumično zovete ljude

until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.

dok ne nađete nekog ko zaista dobro flertuje na stranom jeziku.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

If I were in charge of the Internet,

Da sam ja zadužen za interenet,

you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings.

imali biste mape za promene raspoloženja svog ljubavnika.

Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied,

Skreni levo za džangrizavo, desno za zauzeto,

U-turn on silent treatment,

polukružno za tretman ćutanjem,

all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'.

skroz nazad za francuski poljubac i dobru ljubav,

You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection.

i mogli biste da upravljate i razumete svaku emocionalnu raskrsnicu.

Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan,

Nekim danima plitak sam kao pleh,

but I still stretch miles in all directions.

ali još uvek se protežem miljama u svim pravcima.

If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com

Da ja posedujem internet, "Napster", "Monster" i "Frendster.com"

would be one big website.

bili bi jedan veliki sajt.

That way you could listen to cool music

Tako biste mogli slušati super muziku

while you pretend to look for a job

dok se pretvarate da tražite posao

and you're really just chattin' with your pals.

a ustvari ćaskate sa svojim ortacima.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.

Dođavola, da ja vodim internet, mogli biste da šaljete mejlove mrtvim ljudima.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

They would not email you back

Ne bi vam odgovorili -

(Laughter) --

(smeh)

but you'd get an automated reply.

ali dobili biste automatski odgovor.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Their name in your inbox

Njihovo ime u vašem inboxu

(Laughter) --

(smeh)

it's all you wanted anyway.

je ionako sve što ste uopšte želeli.

And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.

I poruku koja kaže, "Hej, ja sam. Nedostaješ mi.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy.

Čuj, videćeš da je kicoški mrtav biti

Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy."

ali nastavi decu odgajati, za mir se zalagati i za kolačima čeznuti."

If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop

Da ja dizajniram internet, "detinjstvo.com" bio bi krug

of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword,

od dečaka u voćnjaku sa ski štapom umesto mača,

trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges.

poklopcem od kante umesto štita, koji viče "Ja sam car pomorandži.

I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges."

Ja sam car pomorandži. Ja sam car pomorandži."

Now follow me, OK?

Pratite me sad, OK?

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions.

"Baka.com" bio bi recept za keks i instrukcije za umivanje pljuvačkom.

One, two, three.

Jedan, dva, tri.

That links with hotdiggitydog.com.

To se povezuje sa hotdiggitydog.com.

That is my grandfather.

To je moj deda.

They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad.

On vas vodi do krupnog-bivšeg-policajca-u-svom-četvrtom-braku.tate.

He forms an attachment to

On stvara vezu sa

kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom,

pomalo-rasejanom-ali-ipak-šalje-kolačiće-za-božiš.mamom,

who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges,

koja "skida" dečaka iz voćnjaka, cara pomorandži,

who grows up to be me --

koji odrasta u mene -

the guy who usually goes too far.

momka koji obično pretera.

So if I were emperor of the Internet,

Dakle, da sam ja vladar interneta,

I guess I'd still be mortal, huh?

mislim da bih i dalje bio smrtan, ha?

But at that point, I would probably

Ali tada bih verovatno već

already have the lowest possible mortgage

imao najnižu moguću hipoteku

and the most enlarged possible penis

i najviše uvećan penis -

(Laughter) --

(smeh)

so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office.

i zabranio bih spamove svog prvog dana na poslu.

I wouldn't need it.

Ne bi mi trebali.

I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me,

Bio bih kao neki internet genije, a ja,

I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that --

ja bih voleo da se unapredim u božanstvo i možda tek tako -

pop! -- I'd go wireless.

puf - postao bih bežičan.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Huh? Maybe Google would hire this.

Ha? Možda će Google da unajmi ovo.

I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus

Mogao bih da se provučem kroz vaše servere i fajervole poput virusa

until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized

sve dok Svetska mreža ne postane mudra, divlja i organizovana

as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee,

onako kako mislim da savremeno čudo/proročanstvo može da bude, ali eee,

you want to bet just how whack and un-PC

želite da se kladite koliko će lud i ne-PC

your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking

vaš Mek ili PC biti kada zavladam ja,

hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net?

najveća faca bog.net?

I guess it's just like life.

Pretpostavljam da je to kao život.

It is not a question of if you can --

Nije pitanje da li možeš.

it's: do ya?

Već hoćeš li?

We can interfere with the interface.

Možemo da se mešamo sa interfejsom.

We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace

Možemo od "Imate Aleluja" napraviti himnu sajbersvemira

every lucky time we log on.

svaki put kad se ulogujemo.

You don't say a prayer.

Ne molite se.

You don't write a psalm.

Ne pišete psalm.

You don't chant an "om."

Ne pevate om.

You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of

Pošaljete jedan imejl sa blagoslovom svima kojih setite

at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com.

na dah da la dat da dah da la dat dot com.

Thank you, TED.

Hvala ti, TED.

(Applause)

(aplauz)