If I controlled the Internet | Rives

Translator: Gregor Vidmar Reviewer: Matej Golob

I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress

To pesem sem napisal potem, ko sem slišal precej znano igralko

tell a very well known interviewer on television,

povedati zelo znanemu televizijskemu voditelju:

"I'm really getting into the Internet lately.

"V zadnjem času sem se resnično začela navduševati nad internetom.

I just wish it were more organized."

Želim si samo, da bi bil bolj organiziran."

So ...

Torej ...

(Laughter)

(smeh)

If I controlled the Internet,

Če bi jaz nadziral internet,

you could auction your broken heart on eBay.

bi lahko na eBay-u prodal svoje strto srce,

Take the money; go to Amazon;

vzel denar, šel na Amazon in

buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random

kupil telefonski imenik države, kjer še nisi bil, naključno klical ljudi,

until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.

dokler ne bi našel nekoga, ki odlično flirta v tujem jeziku.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

If I were in charge of the Internet,

Če bi bil jaz zadolžen za internet,

you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings.

bi lahko Mapquest-al razpoloženjska nihanja svojih ljubimcev.

Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied,

Ob razdražljivosti se drži leve, desne ob prezaposlenosti,

U-turn on silent treatment,

ostro zavij ob tihih dnevih,

all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'.

nazaj do strastnih poljubov in vročega ljubljenja.

You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection.

Lahko bi navigirali in razumeli vsako čustveno križišče.

Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan,

Kakšen dan sem plitev kot ponev,

but I still stretch miles in all directions.

a se vseeno raztezam kilometre v vse smeri.

If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com

Če bi bil lastnik interneta, bi bili Napster, Monster in Friendster.com

would be one big website.

ena sama velika spletna stran.

That way you could listen to cool music

Tako bi lahko poslušali super glasbo

while you pretend to look for a job

medtem, ko bi se pretvarjali, da iščete službo,

and you're really just chattin' with your pals.

v resnici pa bi samo klepetali s prijatelji.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.

Hudiča, če bi jaz upravljal internet, bi lahko poslali email mrtvim.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

They would not email you back

Ne bi vam odgovorili ...

(Laughter) --

(smeh)

but you'd get an automated reply.

... a dobili bi samodejni odgovor.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Their name in your inbox

Njihova imena med vašo prejeto pošto ...

(Laughter) --

(smeh)

it's all you wanted anyway.

... saj to je itak vse, kar ste si želeli.

And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.

In sporočilo: "Hej, jaz sem. Pogrešam te.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy.

Boš videl, biti mrtev je super.

Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy."

Zdaj pa se vrni k vzgoji otrok, mirovnim prizadevanjem in hrepenenju po sladkarijah.

If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop

Če bi jaz oblikoval internet, bi bilo otroštvo.com zanka

of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword,

dečka v sadovnjaku, s smučarsko palico namesto meča,

trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges.

pokrovom smetnjaka namesto ščita, vpijočega: "Jaz sem vladar pomaranč!

I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges."

Jaz sem vladar pomaranč! Jaz sem vladar pomaranč!"

Now follow me, OK?

Sledite mi, OK?

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions.

Babica.com bi bil recept za piškote in inštrukcije friziranja s slino.

One, two, three.

Ena, dva, tri.

That links with hotdiggitydog.com.

Ta stran bi bila povezana na krščen-matiček.com.

That is my grandfather.

To je moj dedek.

They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad.

S povezavo na četrtič-poročen-zadirčen-bivši-kifeljc.oče,

He forms an attachment to

ki se navezuje na

kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom,

malce-prismojena-a-za-Božič-še-vedno-pošilja-ingverjeve-piškote.mami,

who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges,

ki presnemava dečka v sadovnjaku, vladarja pomaranč,

who grows up to be me --

ki zraste in postane jaz,

the guy who usually goes too far.

tip, ki gre običajno predaleč.

So if I were emperor of the Internet,

Torej, če bi bil bil vladar interneta,

I guess I'd still be mortal, huh?

bi bil verjetno vseeno umrljiv, ne?

But at that point, I would probably

A takrat bi verjetno že imel

already have the lowest possible mortgage

najnižjo možno hipoteko

and the most enlarged possible penis

in najbolj povečan penis, kar je možno ...

(Laughter) --

(smeh)

so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office.

zato bi že prvi dan v pisarni prepovedal spam.

I wouldn't need it.

Ne bi ga potreboval.

I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me,

Bil bi nekakšen internetni genij, in jaz ...

I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that --

... rad bi se nadgradil v božanstvo in mogoče bi - takole

pop! -- I'd go wireless.

pop - postal brezžičen.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Huh? Maybe Google would hire this.

Mogoče bi me najel Google.

I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus

Kot virus bi lahko švigal skozi vaše strežnike in požarne zide,

until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized

dokler WWW ne bi bil tako pameten, tako divji in tako organiziran

as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee,

kot je po moje lahko sodoben čudež/prerok, ampak, ooooooo,

you want to bet just how whack and un-PC

bi radi stavili, kako zdelan in ne-PC

your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking

bo vaš Mac ali PC, ko bom glavni

hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net?

blazno-blazen-pomembnež-bog.net?

I guess it's just like life.

Po moje je tako, kot v življenju.

It is not a question of if you can --

Ni vprašanje ali zmoreš,

it's: do ya?

pač pa: Ali že?

We can interfere with the interface.

Posegamo lahko v uporabniški vmesnik.

We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace

"You've got Hallelujah" lahko proglasimo za državno himno kiberprostora

every lucky time we log on.

vsakič, ko se srečno prijavimo.

You don't say a prayer.

Ne moliš.

You don't write a psalm.

Ne napišeš psalma.

You don't chant an "om."

Ne mrmraš oooommmmm.

You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of

Pač pa pošlješ blagodejen email komurkoli o katerem razmišljaš

at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com.

@ da da la dat da da da la dat.com.

Thank you, TED.

Hvala, TED.

(Applause)

(aplavz)