Angela Patton: A father-daughter dance ... in prison | TED

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Translator: Alisa Xholi Reviewer: Helena Bedalli

I was sitting with my girls,

Isha ulur me vajzat e mia,

and Joy said,

dhe Joy tha,

"Dang, I wish he'd get off my back.

"E marte e mira, do doja te me hiqej qafe.

My daddy, he calls me all the time."

Babai im, me telefonon gjithe kohes."

"Lucky for you he calls at all," said Jasmine.

"Lum ti qe te telefonon", tha Jasmine.

"I haven't heard from my dad in years."

"Kam vite pa u degjuar me babain tim."

At this moment, I knew the girls needed a way

Ne kete moment, e dija qe vajzave u duhej nje menyre

to connect with their fathers.

per tu lidhur me baballaret e tyre.

At Camp Diva, my non-profit organization,

Ne kampin Diva, organizata ime jo-fitimprurese,

we have these types of conversations all the time

bejme keto tip bisedash gjithe kohes

as a way to help girls of African descent

si nje menyre per te ndihmuar vajzat me prejardhje Afrikane

prepare for their passage into womanhood.

te pergatiten per te hyre ne moshen e gruas.

These girls just needed

Ketyre vajzave u nevojitej thjesht

a way to invite their fathers into their lives

nje menyre per te ftuar baballaret ne jetet e tyre

on their own terms.

sipas rregullave te tyre.

So I asked the girls,

Pra i pyeta vajzat,

"How can we help other girls

"Si mund te ndihmojme vajza te tjera

develop healthy relationships with their fathers?"

te zhvillojne nje lidhje te shendetshme me baballaret e tyre?"

"Let's have a dance," one girl shouted,

"Le te bejme nje ballo," bertiti njera nga vajzat,

and all the girls quickly backed her up.

dhe te gjitha vajzat menjehere e mbeshteten.

They started dreaming about the decorations,

Filluan te enderronin per zbukurimet,

invitations, the dresses they were going to wear,

ftesat, fustanet qe do te vishnin,

and what their fathers could and could not wear. (Laughter)

dhe cfare do vishnin apo jo baballaret e tyre. (Te qeshura)

It was off and running before I could even blink my eyes,

Ishte vendosur sa hap e mbyll syte,

but even if I could have slowed down those girls,

por edhe nese do mundesha ti ngadalsoja keto vajza,

I wouldn't have,

nuk do e beja,

because one thing that I have learned

sepse nje nga gjerat qe kam mesuar

from over a decade of working with girls

per me shume se nje dekade duke punuar me vajza

is that they already know what they need.

eshte se ato e dine cfare kerkojne.

The wisdom lives inside of them.

Mencuria jeton brenda tyre.

As long as they have infrastructure,

Per sa kohe ato te kene infrastrukture,

mentorship and resources,

mentorim dhe burime,

they can build what they need,

ato mund te ndertojne cfare u nevojitet,

not only to survive, but to thrive.

jo vetem per te mbijetuar por dhe per te lulezuar.

So we had a dance,

Keshtu e kryem ballon,

and girls and their fathers came in multitudes.

vajzat dhe baballaret e tyre erdhen ne turma.

They were dressed to the nines.

Ishin veshur ne menyre perfekte.

They acted sweet.

Ato silleshin ne menyre te embel.

(Laughter)

(Te qeshura)

They acted silly.

Vepronin ne menyre qesharake.

They really enjoyed each other's company.

Ata vertet e shijonin shoqerine e njeri tjetri.

It was a huge success.

Ishte nje sukses shume i madh.

And the girls decided to make it an annual event.

Dhe vajzat vendosen ta bejne nje eveniment te pervitshem.

So as the seasons changed,

Pra ndersa stinet kalonin,

and it was time to plan the dance again,

dhe ishte koha per te planifikuar ballon perseri,

one girl named Brianna spoke up,

nje vajze e quajtur Brianna foli,

and she said,

dhe tha,

"My dad can't come to the dance,

"Babai im nuk mund te vije ne ballo,

and this whole thing is making me sad."

dhe e gjitha kjo me trishton."

"Why not?" the girls asked.

"Pse jo?" pyeten vajzat.

"Because he's in jail," she bravely admitted.

"Sepse ai eshte ne burg," pranoi ajo me guxim.

"Well, can he just get out for a day?" one of the girls asked. (Laughter)

"Po mire, nuk mund te dale vetem per nje dite?" pyeti njera nga vajzat. (Te qeshura)

"And come in shackles?

"Dhe te vije ne pranga?

That's worse than not having him here at all."

Ajo eshte me keq se sa fakti qe nuk do e kem ketu."

At this moment, I saw an opportunity

Ne kete moment, pashe nje mundesi

for the girls to rise to the occasion

per vajzat qe te arrinin ne kete rast

and to become their own heroes.

dhe te beheshin heroinat e vetvetes.

So I asked, "What do you think we should do about this?

Pra pyeta, "Cfare mendoni se mund te bejme per kete?

We want every girl to experience the dance, right?"

Duam qe cdo vajze te provoje eksperiencen e ballos, apo jo?"

So the girls thought for a moment,

Vajzat u menduan per nje moment,

and one girl suggested,

dhe nje nga vajzat sugjeroi,

"Why don't we just take the dance in the jail?"

"Pse nuk e bejme ballon ne burg?"

Most of the girls doubted the possibility of that,

Shume nga vajzat dyshuan per kete mundesi,

and said, "Are you crazy?

dhe i thane, "Je e cmendur?

Who is going to allow a bunch of little girls,

Kush do lejoje nje tufe me vajza te vogla,

dressed up — " (Laughter)

te veshura mire-- (Te qeshura)

" — to come inside a jail and dance with their daddies in Spongebob suits?"

"-- te futen brenda ne burg dhe te kercejne me baballaret e tyre ne kostumet e Spongebob?"

Because that's what they called them.

Sepse keshtu i therisnin.

I said, "Girls, well, well,

Thash, "Ne rregull vajza,

you never know unless you ask."

asnjehere nuk mund ta dime nese nuk pyesim."

So a letter was written to the Richmond City Sheriff,

Dhe keshtu u shkrua nje leter tek sherifi i qytetit Richmond,

signed collectively by each girl,

e firmosur kolektivisht nga secila vajze,

and I would have to say, he is a very special sheriff.

dhe me duhet te them, se ai eshte nje sherif shume i vecante.

He contacted me immediately and said,

Ai me kontaktoi menjehere dhe me tha,

whenever there is an opportunity to bring families inside,

sa here te kete nje mundesi per te futur familjet brenda,

his doors are always open.

dyert e tij jane perhere te hapura.

Because one thing he did know,

Sepse ai dinte me siguri,

that when fathers are connected to their children,

se kur baballaret lidheshin me femijet e tyre,

it is less likely that they will return.

ka shume pak mundesi qe ate te rikthehen.

So,

Dhe keshtu,

16 inmates and 18 girls were invited.

16 te burgosur dhe 18 vajza u ftuan.

The girls were dressed in their Sunday best,

Vajzat u veshen si per dite te Diel,

and the fathers traded in their yellow and blue jumpsuits

dhe baballaret nderruan kostumet e tyre te verdha e blu

for shirts and ties.

me kemisha dhe kollare.

They hugged.

Ata u perqafuan.

They shared a full catered meal of chicken and fish.

Drekuan sebashku me ushqim te shtruar me pule dhe peshk.

They laughed together.

Ata qeshen sebashku.

It was beautiful.

Ishte shume e bukur.

The fathers and daughters even experienced

Madje baballaret dhe vajzat provuan

an opportunity to have a physical connection,

nje mundesi per te patur lidhje fizike

something that a lot of them didn't even have

dicka qe shume nga ata nuk e kishin

for a while.

per shume kohe.

Fathers were in a space where they were able to

Baballaret ndodheshin ne nje hapesire ku kishin mundesi

make their daughter's plate,

per te luajtur me vajzat e tyre,

and pull out her chair and extend his hand for a dance.

dhe ti terhiqnin karriget dhe ti zgjasnin doren per nje vallezim.

Even the guards cried.

Madje edhe rojet u preken.

But after the dance,

Por pas vallezimit,

we all realized that Dad still would be in jail.

te gjithe e kuptuam se baballaret do ishin perseri ne burg.

So we needed to create something

Pra na duhej te krijonim dicka

that they could take with them.

qe ata te mund ta merrnin me vete.

So we brought in Flip cams,

Keshtu sollem kamerat regjistruese

and we had them look at the Flip cams

dhe i vendosem ata duke pare kamerat

and just interview each other --

dhe thjesht intervistonin njeri tjetrin--

their messages, their thoughts.

mesazhet dhe mendimet e tyre.

This was going to be used as a touchstone

Kjo do perdorej si nje gur prove

so when they started to miss each other

ne menyre qe kur te fillonin te kishin mall per njeri tjetrin

and feel disconnected,

dhe ndjeheshin te shkeputur,

they could reconnect through this image.

mund te rilidheshin ndermjet ketij imazhi.

I'll never forget that one girl looked in her father's eyes

Nuk do e harroj kurre momentin kur nje nga vajzat pa syte e babait saj

with that camera and said,

me ate kamera dhe tha,

"Daddy, when you look at me, what do you see?"

"Babi, kur shikon mua, cfare sheh?"

Because our daddies are our mirrors

Sepse baballaret tane jane pasqyrat tona

that we reflect back on

qe ne i reflektojme pas

when we decide about what type of man we deserve,

kur vendosim per tipin e mashkullit qe meritojme,

and how they see us for the rest of our lives.

dhe se si ata na shikojne ne vazhdim te jetes tone.

I know that very well,

E di kete shume mire,

because I was one of the lucky girls.

sepse isha nje nga vajzat me fat.

I have had

E kam pasur

my father in my life always.

babain ne jeten time gjithmone.

He's even here today.

Madje eshte edhe sot ketu.

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)

And that is why it is extremely special

Dhe kjo eshte aryesja pse eshte kaq e vecante

for me to make sure that these girls

per mua qe te sigurohem per keto vajza

are connected to their fathers,

te jene te lidhura me baballaret e tyre,

especially those who are separated

sidomos ato qe jane te ndara

because of barbed wires and metal doors.

per shkak te telave me gjemba dhe dyerve metalike.

We have just created a form

Ne thjesht kemi krijuar nje forme

for girls who have heavy questions on their heart

per vajzat te cilat kane pyetje ne zemra e tyre

to be in a position to ask their fathers those questions

te jene ne nje pozicion ku mund ti bejne ato pyetje tek baballaret e tyre

and given the fathers the freedom to answer.

dhe ti japim lirine baballareve te pergjigjen.

Because we know that the fathers

Sepse ne e dime qe baballaret

are even leaving with this one thought:

jetojne me kete mendim:

What type of woman am I preparing to put in the world?

Cfare tip gruaje po pergatis ta nxjerr ne bote?

Because a father is locked in

Vetem se nje baba eshte i burgosur

does not mean he should be locked out

nuk do te thote qe duhet te jete i perjashtuar

of his daughter's life.

nga jeta e se bijes.

(Applause)

(Duartrokitje)