Why 30 is not the new 20 | Meg Jay

4,190,228 views ・ 2013-05-13

TED


Za predvajanje videoposnetka dvakrat kliknite na spodnje angleške podnapise.

00:00
Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast
0
0
7000
Translator: Anja Pogacnik Reviewer: Rok Krulec
00:12
When I was in my 20s,
1
12939
1521
Ko sem bila v svojih dvajsetih
00:14
I saw my very first psychotherapy client.
2
14484
3444
sem imela prvo psihoterapevtsko stranko.
00:18
I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley.
3
18484
3400
Jaz sem bila doktorska študentka klinične psihologije na Berkeleyju.
Ona je bila 26-letnica po imenu Alex.
00:22
She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.
4
22435
3039
00:26
Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top,
5
26284
4645
Alex je prišla na svojo prvo seanso
oblečena v kavbojke in veliko, visečo majico
00:30
and she dropped onto the couch in my office
6
30953
2087
in se vrgla na kavč v moji pisarni,
00:33
and kicked off her flats
7
33064
1669
brcnila z nog svoje natikače
00:34
and told me she was there to talk about guy problems.
8
34757
3228
in mi rekla, da se hoče pogovarjati o svojih težavah s fanti.
00:38
Now when I heard this, I was so relieved.
9
38813
3735
Ko sem to slišala, mi je res odleglo.
Moja sošolka je dobila za svojo prvo stranko požigalca.
00:43
My classmate got an arsonist for her first client.
10
43091
3001
00:46
(Laughter)
11
46116
1846
(smeh)
00:47
And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys.
12
47986
4097
In jaz sem dobila dvajset-in-nekaj-letnico, ki se je hotela pogovarjati o fantih.
00:52
This I thought I could handle.
13
52494
2127
Mislila sem, da bom to zmogla.
00:55
But I didn't handle it.
14
55328
1365
A nisem zmogla.
00:57
With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session,
15
57536
2667
S smešnimi zgodbami, ki jih je Alex pripovedovala na seansah,
je bilo lahko samo prikimavati,
01:00
it was easy for me just to nod my head
16
60227
1975
medtem ko sva se vrteli kot mački okoli vrele kaše.
01:02
while we kicked the can down the road.
17
62226
2166
01:04
"Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say,
18
64416
2256
"Trideseta so nova dvajseta," je govorila Alex,
01:06
and as far as I could tell, she was right.
19
66696
2562
in če ste vprašali mene, je imela prav.
01:09
Work happened later, marriage happened later,
20
69726
2226
Služba se je dogajala kasneje, zakoni so se dogajali kasneje,
01:11
kids happened later, even death happened later.
21
71976
3442
otroci so se zgodili kasneje, celo smrt se je zgodila kasneje.
01:15
Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.
22
75847
3853
Dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki kot Alex in jaz niso imeli drugega kot čas.
01:20
But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life.
23
80794
5596
A kmalu je moj nadzornik zahteval,
da se z Alex pogovorim o njenem ljubezenskem življenju.
01:26
I pushed back.
24
86414
1145
Uprla sem se.
Rekla sem: "Seveda, hodi s slabšimi od sebe,
01:28
I said, "Sure, she's dating down,
25
88186
2491
01:30
she's sleeping with a knucklehead,
26
90701
2311
spi z navadnim butcem,
01:33
but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."
27
93036
2610
ampak saj se ne bo poročila z njim."
01:36
And then my supervisor said,
28
96542
1709
In potem je moj nadzornik rekel:
01:38
"Not yet, but she might marry the next one.
29
98275
3826
"Ne še, a morda se bo poročila z naslednjim.
01:42
Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage
30
102644
3839
Poleg tega, najboljši čas, da delaš z Alex na njenem zakonu,
01:46
is before she has one."
31
106507
2734
je preden ga ima."
01:50
That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment.
32
110359
2891
To je to, kar psihologi imenujejo "Aha!" trenutek.
01:53
That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20.
33
113274
3110
To je bil trenutek, ko sem spoznala, da trideseta niso nova dvajseta.
01:56
Yes, people settle down later than they used to,
34
116810
2365
Res je, ljudje se ustalijo kasneje kot v preteklosti,
01:59
but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime.
35
119199
4375
a to še ne pomeni, da so Alexina dvajseta razvojni premor.
02:03
That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot,
36
123598
3488
To je pomenilo, da so Alexina dvajseta najboljši razvoji trenutek
02:07
and we were sitting there, blowing it.
37
127110
2604
in midve sva tam sedeli in ga zapravljali.
02:10
That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect
38
130507
3661
Takrat sem spoznala, da je takšno nedolžno zanemarjanje
02:14
was a real problem, and it had real consequences,
39
134192
3973
resnični problem z resničnimi posledicami,
02:18
not just for Alex and her love life
40
138189
2390
ne samo za Alex in njeno ljubezensko življenje,
02:20
but for the careers and the families and the futures
41
140603
3127
temveč tudi za kariere, družine in prihodnosti
02:23
of twentysomethings everywhere.
42
143754
2064
dvajset-in-nekaj-letnikov vsepovsod.
02:27
There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now.
43
147635
3834
Kar 50 milijonom dvajset-in-nekaj-letnikov
je v Združenih državah Amerike.
02:31
We're talking about 15 percent of the population,
44
151923
3783
Govorimo o 15 % prebivalstva
02:35
or 100 percent if you consider
45
155730
2268
oziroma o 100 %, če upoštevamo,
02:38
that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.
46
158022
4543
da nihče ni odrasel,
ne da bi šel najprej skozi svoja dvajseta.
02:42
(Laughter)
47
162589
1099
02:43
Raise your hand if you're in your 20s.
48
163712
2046
Dvignite roko, če ste v svojih dvajsetih.
02:45
I really want to see some twentysomethings here.
49
165782
2286
Res bi rada videla nekaj dvajset-in-nekaj-letnikov tukaj.
O, juhej! Vi vsi ste super!
02:48
Oh, yay! You are all awesome.
50
168092
1505
02:49
If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething,
51
169621
3921
Če delate z dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki, imate radi dvajset-in-nekaj-letnika,
02:53
you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see —
52
173566
2844
izgubljate spanec zaradi dvajset-in-nekaj-letnika, dvignite...
02:56
Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.
53
176434
3850
V redu. Odlično, dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki so res pomembni.
Specializiram se za dvajset-in-nekaj-letnike, ker verjamem,
03:01
So, I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe
54
181002
3587
03:04
that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings
55
184613
3874
da si čisto vsak izmed tistih 50 milijonov dvajset-in-nekaj-letnikov
03:08
deserves to know what psychologists,
56
188511
3205
zasluži vedeti, kar psihologi,
03:11
sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists
57
191740
3696
sociologi, nevrologi in plodnostni strokovnjaki
03:15
already know:
58
195460
1794
že vedo:
03:17
that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest,
59
197278
3166
da je prilaščanje svojih dvajsetih najenostavnejša,
03:20
yet most transformative, things you can do
60
200468
2755
a vseeno najbolj transformativna stvar, ki jo lahko naredite
03:23
for work, for love, for your happiness,
61
203247
2671
za svoje delo, ljubezen, za svojo srečo,
03:25
maybe even for the world.
62
205942
1765
morda celo za svet.
03:28
This is not my opinion.
63
208618
1835
To ni moje mnenje. To so dejstva.
03:30
These are the facts.
64
210477
1570
03:33
We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments
65
213262
3154
Vemo, da se 80 % najpomembnejših življenjskih dogodkov
03:36
take place by age 35.
66
216440
2381
zgodi pred 35. letom.
03:39
That means that eight out of 10
67
219813
2202
To pomeni, da se bo 8 izmed 10. odločitev,
03:42
of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments
68
222039
3295
izkušenj in "Aha!" trenutkov,
03:45
that make your life what it is
69
225358
2120
ki naredijo vaše življenje to kar je,
03:47
will have happened by your mid-30s.
70
227502
2290
zgodilo do sredine vaših tridesetih let.
03:50
People who are over 40, don't panic.
71
230872
1833
Tisti, ki ste čez 40, ne paničarite.
03:52
This crowd is going to be fine, I think.
72
232729
2261
Mislim, da tejle množici ne bo hudega.
03:55
We know that the first 10 years of a career
73
235799
2341
Vemo, da ima prvih 10 let kariere
03:58
has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn.
74
238164
4608
eksponentni vpliv
na količino denarja, ki jo boste zaslužili.
04:02
We know that more than half of Americans
75
242796
2112
Vemo, da je več kot polovica Američanov
04:04
are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30.
76
244932
4146
poročena, živi ali hodi
s svojim bodočim partnerjem do 30. leta.
04:09
We know that the brain caps off
77
249999
1723
Vemo, da možgani izbruhnejo v drugi
04:11
its second and last growth spurt in your 20s
78
251746
3000
in zadnji rasti v vaših dvajsetih,
04:14
as it rewires itself for adulthood,
79
254770
2846
ko se pripravljajo za odraslost,
04:17
which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself,
80
257640
4053
kar pomeni, da karkoli želite spremeniti na sebi,
04:21
now is the time to change it.
81
261717
2007
je zdaj pravi trenutek za to.
04:24
We know that personality changes more during your 20s
82
264536
3222
Vemo, da se osebnost spremeni bolj v vaših dvajsetih,
04:27
than at any other time in life,
83
267782
2682
kot v katerem koli drugem življenjskem obdobju,
04:30
and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28,
84
270488
3842
ter vemo, da ženska plodnost doseže vrhunec pri 28. letu,
04:34
and things get tricky after age 35.
85
274354
3172
in da se stvari zapletejo po 35. letu.
Vaša dvajseta so torej čas, da se izobrazite
04:38
So your 20s are the time to educate yourself
86
278010
2828
04:40
about your body and your options.
87
280862
2991
o vašem telesu in vaših možnostih.
04:44
So when we think about child development,
88
284749
1953
Ko torej pomislimo na otroški razvoj
04:46
we all know that the first five years are a critical period
89
286726
3941
vsi vemo, da je prvih pet let kritičnih
04:50
for language and attachment in the brain.
90
290691
2823
za razvoj jezika in navezanosti v možganih.
04:54
It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life
91
294292
2911
To je čas, ko ima vaše običajno, vsakodnevno življenje
04:57
has an inordinate impact on who you will become.
92
297227
3663
neobičajen vpliv na to kar boste postali.
A manj pogosto slišimo, da obstaja
05:02
But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing
93
302056
2715
05:04
as adult development,
94
304795
1157
odrasli razvoj, in da so naša dvajseta
05:05
and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.
95
305976
4314
kritično obdobje odraslega razvoja.
05:11
But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing.
96
311731
2583
A dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki tega ne slišijo pogosto.
05:14
Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood.
97
314829
3763
Časopisi pišejo o spremenjenem razporedu odraslosti.
05:19
Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence.
98
319131
3190
Raziskovalci imenujejo dvajseta podaljšana mladost.
05:22
Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings
99
322923
2626
Novinarji si zmišljujejo smešne vzdevke za dvajset-in-nekaj-letnike,
05:25
like "twixters" and "kidults."
100
325573
1985
kot so "tviksterji" in "otrokodrasli."
05:28
(Laughing) It's true!
101
328605
2176
Zares.
05:30
As a culture, we have trivialized
102
330805
2445
Kot kultura smo pripisali nepomembnost nečemu,
05:33
what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.
103
333274
4512
kar je odločilno desetletje odraslosti.
05:39
Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things,
104
339613
2478
Leonard Bernstein je rekel, da za dosego velikih stvari,
05:42
you need a plan and not quite enough time.
105
342115
3112
potrebuješ načrt in ravno premalo časa.
05:46
(Laughing) Isn't that true?
106
346070
2233
Kaj ni to res?
05:48
So what do you think happens
107
348327
1582
Torej kaj mislite, da se zgodi,
05:49
when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say,
108
349933
2620
ko potrepljaš dvajset-in-nekaj-letnika po glavi in rečeš,
05:52
"You have 10 extra years to start your life"?
109
352577
2257
"Imaš 10 dodatnih let, da začneš svoje življenje"?
Nič se ne zgodi.
05:56
Nothing happens.
110
356013
1620
To osebo ste oropali občutka nuje in ambicije
05:58
You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition,
111
358070
3585
06:01
and absolutely nothing happens.
112
361679
2224
in zgodi se popolnoma nič.
06:04
And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings
113
364657
3588
Tako vsak dan pametni, zanimivi dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki,
06:08
like you or like your sons and daughters
114
368269
3234
kot ste vi, vaši sinovi ali hčere,
06:11
come into my office and say things like this:
115
371527
3342
pridejo v mojo pisarno in govorijo takšne stvari:
06:16
"I know my boyfriend's no good for me,
116
376448
1818
"Vem, da moj fant ni primeren zame,
06:18
but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time."
117
378290
3250
ampak to razmerje se ne šteje. Samo zapravljam čas."
06:22
Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started
118
382854
2881
Ali rečejo, "Vsi pravijo, da dokler začnem
06:25
on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."
119
385759
2428
s kariero do 30. leta, bo vse v redu."
06:29
But then it starts to sound like this:
120
389438
2195
Ampak potem začne zveneti bolj kot:
06:32
"My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself.
121
392697
3396
"Moja dvajseta so skoraj že za mano in nič nimam kar bi lahko pokazala.
06:36
I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college."
122
396578
3579
Imela sem boljši življenjepis na dan, ko sem diplomirala."
06:41
And then it starts to sound like this:
123
401424
2024
In potem se spremeni v:
06:44
"Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs.
124
404890
2062
"Zmenkarjenje v mojih dvajsetih je bilo kot 'ples s stoli.'
06:46
Everybody was running around and having fun,
125
406976
2845
Vsi smo se podili naokrog in se zabavali,
06:49
but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off
126
409845
2856
potem pa je okoli 30. glasba ugasnila
06:52
and everybody started sitting down.
127
412725
1883
in vsi so se začeli usedati.
06:55
I didn't want to be the only one left standing up,
128
415235
2349
Nisem hotela biti edina brez stola,
06:57
so sometimes I think I married my husband
129
417608
2017
zato včasih mislim, da sem se poročila s svojim možem,
06:59
because he was the closest chair to me at 30."
130
419649
2498
ker je bil najbližji stol, ko sem dopolnila 30."
07:03
Where are the twentysomethings here?
131
423381
1793
Kje so dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki?
07:05
Do not do that.
132
425198
2079
Ne delajte tega!
07:07
(Laughter)
133
427565
1714
07:09
Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake,
134
429418
3100
V redu, to se sliši nekoliko pretirano, ampak nikar se ne slepite,
07:12
the stakes are very high.
135
432542
1984
tveganja so velika.
Ko se približujete tridesetim,
07:15
When a lot has been pushed to your 30s,
136
435121
2040
07:17
there is enormous thirtysomething pressure
137
437185
2303
se pojavi gromozanski pritisk tridesetih,
07:19
to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up,
138
439512
3746
da začnete svojo kariero, si izberete mesto, partnerja
07:23
and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time.
139
443282
3518
in imate dva ali tri otroke v veliko krajšem času.
07:27
Many of these things are incompatible,
140
447658
2208
Veliko teh stvari je nezdružljivih
07:29
and as research is just starting to show,
141
449890
2549
in raziskave začenjajo kazati,
07:32
simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.
142
452463
4603
da jih je veliko težje in bolj stresno
opravljati vse naenkrat v naših tridesetih.
07:38
The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car.
143
458828
3844
Kriza srednjih let v novem tisočletju
ni kupovanje rdečega športnega avtomobila.
07:43
It's realizing you can't have that career you now want.
144
463608
4032
Je spoznanje, da ne morete imeti kariere, ki si jo sedaj želite.
07:48
It's realizing you can't have that child you now want,
145
468482
3167
Je spoznanje, da ne morete imeti otroka, ki si ga sedaj želite,
07:51
or you can't give your child a sibling.
146
471673
2190
ali da svojemu otroku ne morete dati brata ali sestre.
07:55
Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings
147
475339
2255
Preveč trideset- in štirideset-in-nekaj-letnikov
07:57
look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room,
148
477618
4002
gleda sebe in mene, ki sedim nasproti njih,
08:01
and say about their 20s,
149
481644
2070
in rečejo o svojih dvajsetih:
08:03
"What was I doing? What was I thinking?"
150
483738
3626
"Kaj sem delala? Kaj sem razmišljala?"
08:09
I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.
151
489333
3452
Želim spremeniti kar dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki
delajo in razmišljajo.
08:13
Here's a story about how that can go.
152
493131
2195
Povem vam zgodbo kako se lahko to spremeni.
08:15
It's a story about a woman named Emma.
153
495350
2755
Zgodbo o ženski po imenu Emma.
08:19
At 25, Emma came to my office
154
499610
2264
Kot 25-letnica je Emma prišla v mojo pisarno,
08:21
because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis.
155
501898
4452
ker je imela, kot je rekla sama, krizo identitete.
Rekla je, da bi morda rada delala v umetnosti
08:27
She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment,
156
507192
3390
ali zabavni industriji, vendar se še ni odločila,
08:30
but she hadn't decided yet,
157
510606
1561
08:32
so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead.
158
512191
3744
zato je preteklih nekaj let delala kot natakarica.
Ker je bilo ceneje, je živela s fantom,
08:37
Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend
159
517118
2357
08:39
who displayed his temper more than his ambition.
160
519499
3132
ki je bolj razkazoval svojo vzkipljivost kot ambicije.
08:43
And as hard as her 20s were,
161
523537
1743
Njena dvajseta so bila težka,
08:45
her early life had been even harder.
162
525304
2082
a še bolj težko je bilo njeno otroštvo.
Pogosto je jokala na najinih seansah,
08:48
She often cried in our sessions,
163
528346
1866
08:50
but then would collect herself by saying,
164
530236
2201
potem pa se je ponavadi zbrala z besedami:
08:52
"You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."
165
532461
3144
"Ne moreš si izbrati družine, lahko pa si izbereš prijatelje."
08:57
Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap,
166
537145
3245
Nekega dne Emma vstopi,
položi glavo v svoje naročje
09:00
and she sobbed for most of the hour.
167
540414
3118
in joče večino najine ure.
09:04
She'd just bought a new address book,
168
544431
1826
Ravnokar je kupila novi žepni imenik
09:06
and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts,
169
546281
3676
in jutro je preživela ob vpisovanju svojih številnih kontaktov,
09:09
but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank
170
549981
2610
potem pa je strmela v prazni prostor,
09:12
that comes after the words
171
552615
1690
ki pride po besedah
09:14
"In case of emergency, please call ..."
172
554329
2730
"V nujnem primeru pokličite..."
09:18
She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said,
173
558808
2732
Bila je skoraj histerična, ko me je pogledala in rekla:
09:21
"Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck?
174
561564
3276
"Kdo bo prišel, če me bo zbil avto?
09:24
Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"
175
564864
2877
Kdo bo skrbel zame, če bom imela raka?"
09:29
Now in that moment, it took everything I had
176
569118
2505
V tistem trenutku sem mogla zbrati vso svojo moč,
09:31
not to say, "I will."
177
571647
1654
da nisem rekla "Jaz."
Vendar Emma ni potrebovala terapevta,
09:34
But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared.
178
574460
3535
ki ga resnično skrbi.
09:38
Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance.
179
578372
3921
Emma je potrebovala boljše življenje in vedela sem, da je bila to njena priložnost.
09:43
I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex
180
583761
2872
Odkar sem prvič delala z Alex, sem se naučila preveč,
09:46
to just sit there while Emma's defining decade
181
586657
3586
da bi samo sedela in pustila, da gre Emmino odločilno desetletje
s fanfarami mimo naju.
09:50
went parading by.
182
590267
1473
09:53
So over the next weeks and months,
183
593460
1643
Tekom naslednjih tednov in mesecev
09:55
I told Emma three things
184
595127
2523
sem povedala Emmi
tri stvari, ki si jih vsak dvajset-in-nekaj-letnik, naj bo moški ali ženska,
09:57
that every twentysomething, male or female,
185
597674
3135
10:00
deserves to hear.
186
600833
1648
zasluži vedeti.
10:03
First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis
187
603984
3998
Najprej sem ji rekla, naj pozabi na krizo identitete
10:08
and get some identity capital.
188
608006
2347
in si raje pridobi nekaj identitetnega kapitala.
10:11
By "get identity capital,"
189
611273
1650
Z identitetnim kapitalom mislim na stvari,
10:12
I mean do something that adds value to who you are.
190
612947
3620
ki dodajo vrednost tvoji osebnosti.
10:17
Do something that's an investment
191
617305
1775
Naredi nekaj, kar bo investicija
10:19
in who you might want to be next.
192
619104
2316
v osebo, ki morda želiš postati.
10:22
I didn't know the future of Emma's career,
193
622555
2351
Nisem poznala prihodnosti Emmine kariere
10:24
and no one knows the future of work,
194
624930
2237
in nihče ne pozna prihodnosti dela, a vem to:
10:27
but I do know this:
195
627191
1669
10:28
Identity capital begets identity capital.
196
628884
3226
Identitetni kapital poraja identitetni kapital.
10:32
So now is the time for that cross-country job,
197
632632
2758
Zdaj je torej čas za tisto službo nekje daleč,
10:35
that internship, that startup you want to try.
198
635414
2748
tisto pripravništvo, tisto podjetje, ki ga želiš začeti.
10:38
I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here,
199
638924
3429
Ne zavračam raziskovanja dvajset-in-nekaj-letnikov,
10:42
but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count,
200
642377
4950
zavračam pa raziskovanje, ki ni namenjeno ničemur,
ki tako ali tako ni raziskovanje.
10:47
which, by the way, is not exploration.
201
647351
2611
10:49
That's procrastination.
202
649986
1944
To je zavlačevanje.
10:52
I told Emma to explore work and make it count.
203
652660
4578
Emmi sem rekla, naj razišče delovne možnosti in jih izkoristi.
10:58
Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.
204
658676
4156
Kot drugo, sem Emmi povedala, da je urbano pleme precenjeno.
11:03
Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport,
205
663915
2951
Najboljši prijatelji so super, ko rabiš prevoz do letališča,
11:06
but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers
206
666890
3754
vendar dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki, ki se gnetejo
s podobno mislečimi vrstniki, omejijo svoja poznanstva,
11:10
limit who they know,
207
670668
1481
svoje znanje, svoje razmišljanje, svoj govor
11:12
what they know, how they think,
208
672173
2374
11:14
how they speak, and where they work.
209
674571
2400
in svoja delovna mesta.
11:18
That new piece of capital, that new person to date
210
678181
2568
Tisti novi delček kapitala, tista nova oseba za zmenke,
11:20
almost always comes from outside the inner circle.
211
680773
3679
skoraj vedno pride izven stalne družbe.
11:24
New things come from what are called our weak ties,
212
684476
3498
Nove stvari pridejo iz tako imenovanih šibkih vezi,
11:27
our friends of friends of friends.
213
687998
2217
naši prijatelji od prijateljev od prijateljev.
11:30
So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed.
214
690866
4143
Res je, polovica dvajset-in-nekaj-letnikov je brez- ali podpovoprečno zaposlena.
11:35
But half aren't,
215
695731
1316
Vendar polovica jih ni in šibke vezi
11:37
and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group.
216
697071
2959
so vstopnica v to skupino.
11:40
Half of new jobs are never posted,
217
700831
2569
Polovica novih delovnih mest ni nikoli razpisanih,
11:43
so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that unposted job.
218
703424
4505
zato je pogovor s sosedovim šefom
način, kako dobiš tisto neobjavljeno službo.
11:48
It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.
219
708462
3905
To ni goljufanje. Je znanost o širjenju informacij.
11:53
Last but not least, Emma believed
220
713433
1992
In še kot zadnje, Emma je verjela,
11:55
that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.
221
715449
3174
da si ne moreš izbrati družine, lahko pa si izbereš prijatelje.
11:59
Now this was true for her growing up,
222
719338
1846
To je bilo res, ko je odraščala,
12:01
but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family
223
721208
3264
vendar si bo Emma kot dvajset-in-nekaj-letnica kmalu izbrala svojo družino,
ko si bo izbrala partnerja
12:04
when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own.
224
724496
3760
in začela svojo družino.
Emmi sem rekla, da je zdaj čas za izbiranje družine.
12:09
I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now.
225
729335
3688
12:14
Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down
226
734404
4142
Morda mislite, da je pri tridesetih
boljši čas, da se ustalite
12:18
than 20, or even 25,
227
738570
3127
kot pri dvajsetih ali celo petindvajsetih
12:21
and I agree with you.
228
741721
1326
in jaz se strinjam.
12:23
But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with
229
743674
2929
Vendar to, da pograbite tistega s katerim slučajno živite ali spite,
12:26
when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle
230
746627
3087
ko vsi na Facebooku začnejo hoditi proti oltarju,
12:29
is not progress.
231
749738
1958
ni napredek.
12:32
The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one,
232
752994
3490
Najboljši čas, da delate na svojem zakonu,
je preden ga imate
12:36
and that means being as intentional with love
233
756508
2783
in to pomeni, da ste z ljubeznijo prav tako namerni,
12:39
as you are with work.
234
759315
1608
kot ste z delom.
12:41
Picking your family is about consciously choosing
235
761825
2527
Izbira družine je zavestna odločitev
12:44
who and what you want
236
764376
2250
koga in kaj si želite,
12:46
rather than just making it work or killing time
237
766650
3552
ne le vztrajanje ali zapravljanje časa
z osebo, ki si je slučajno izbrala vas.
12:50
with whoever happens to be choosing you.
238
770226
2513
12:53
So what happened to Emma?
239
773963
1667
Kaj se je torej zgodilo z Emmo?
Šli sva skozi njen žepni imenik
12:56
Well, we went through that address book,
240
776035
2190
in našla je bratranca bivše cimre,
12:58
and she found an old roommate's cousin
241
778249
1893
13:00
who worked at an art museum in another state.
242
780166
2737
ki je delal v galeriji v drugi zvezni državi.
13:03
That weak tie helped her get a job there.
243
783671
2675
Ta šibka vez ji je pomagala dobiti službo tam.
13:06
That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend.
244
786370
3918
Ta ponudba za službo ji je dala razlog,
da je zapustila fanta s katerim je živela.
Danes, pet let pozneje, je organizatorka posebnih dogodkov za muzeje.
13:11
Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums.
245
791216
3782
Poročena je z moškim, ki ga je zavestno izbrala.
13:15
She's married to a man she mindfully chose.
246
795022
3353
13:18
She loves her new career, she loves her new family,
247
798399
3052
Obožuje svojo novo kariero, obožuje svojo novo družino
in poslala mi je razglednico na kateri je pisalo:
13:21
and she sent me a card that said,
248
801475
2123
13:23
"Now the emergency contact blanks
249
803622
1988
"Zdaj se mi prostori za kontakte v nujnih primerih
13:25
don't seem big enough."
250
805634
1839
ne zdijo dovolj veliki."
13:29
Now Emma's story made that sound easy,
251
809407
2271
Emmina zgodba zveni preprosto
13:31
but that's what I love about working with twentysomethings.
252
811702
2810
in ravno to obožujem pri delu z dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki.
13:34
They are so easy to help.
253
814536
1625
Tako lahko jim je pomagati.
13:36
Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX,
254
816923
3626
Dvajset-in-nekaj-letniki so kot letala, ki ravno zapuščajo letališče v Los Angelesu,
13:40
bound for somewhere west.
255
820573
1963
namenjena nekam na zahod.
13:43
Right after takeoff, a slight change in course
256
823479
2734
Takoj po vzletu majhna sprememba smeri
13:46
is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji.
257
826237
4056
pomeni razliko med pristankom na Aljaski ali Fidžiju.
13:51
Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29,
258
831678
5193
Podobno lahko ima pri 21. ali 25. ali celo 29.
13:56
one good conversation, one good break,
259
836895
2778
en dober pogovor, en dober odmor,
13:59
one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect
260
839697
3283
en dober TED govor ogromen učinek
14:03
across years and even generations to come.
261
843004
3369
na leta ali celo generacije, ki šele pridejo.
14:07
So here's an idea worth spreading
262
847762
1826
Tukaj je torej ideja vredna širjenja
14:09
to every twentysomething you know.
263
849612
2141
vsakemu dvajset-in-nekaj-letniku, ki ga poznate.
14:12
It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex.
264
852407
2631
Je preprosto kot tisto, kar sem se naučila reči Alex.
14:15
It's what I now have the privilege
265
855062
2217
Je tisto, kar imam privilegij
14:17
of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day:
266
857303
3829
reči dvajset-in-nekaj-letnikom, kot je Emma, vsak dan:
14:22
Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood,
267
862456
3662
Trideseta niso nova dvajseta, zato si prilastite svojo odraslost,
14:26
get some identity capital, use your weak ties,
268
866142
3573
pridobite nekaj identitetnega kapitala, uporabite svoje šibke vezi,
14:29
pick your family.
269
869739
1625
izberite si družino.
14:32
Don't be defined by what you didn't know
270
872106
2403
Naj vas ne opredeli tisto, česar niste vedeli
14:34
or didn't do.
271
874533
1068
ali niste naredili.
O svojem življenju odločate ta trenutek.
14:36
You're deciding your life right now.
272
876102
2582
14:39
Thank you.
273
879308
1010
Hvala.
14:40
(Applause)
274
880342
3422
(aplavz)
O tej spletni strani

Na tem mestu boste našli videoposnetke na YouTubu, ki so uporabni za učenje angleščine. Ogledali si boste lekcije angleščine, ki jih poučujejo vrhunski učitelji z vsega sveta. Z dvoklikom na angleške podnapise, ki so prikazani na vsaki strani z videoposnetki, lahko predvajate videoposnetek od tam. Podnapisi se pomikajo sinhronizirano s predvajanjem videoposnetka. Če imate kakršne koli pripombe ali zahteve, nam pišite prek tega obrazca za stike.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7