The brain in love | Helen Fisher

Translator: Janja Sterle Reviewer: Jure Bon

I and my colleagues Art Aron and Lucy Brown and others,

Z Artom Aronom, Lucy Brown in drugimi kolegi

have put 37 people who are madly in love into a functional MRI brain scanner.

smo 37 noro zaljubljenim osebam

slikali možgane s funkcijsko magnetno resonanco.

17 who were happily in love, 15 who had just been dumped,

17 srečno zaljubljenih in 15 nesrečno zaljubljenih oseb.

Začenjamo s tretjim eksperimentom.

and we're just starting our third experiment:

studying people who report that they're still in love

Preučujemo osebe, ki pravijo, da so še vedno zaljubljene

po 10 do 25 letih zakona.

after 10 to 25 years of marriage.

So, this is the short story of that research.

To so rezultati raziskave.

V džungli Guatemale, v Tikalu, je tempelj.

In the jungles of Guatemala, in Tikal, stands a temple.

It was built by the grandest Sun King, of the grandest city-state,

Zgradil ga je Sončni Kralj

v starodavnem mestu

of the grandest civilization of the Americas, the Mayas.

starodavne ameriške civilizacije Majev.

Ime mu je bilo Jasaw Chan K'awiil.

His name was Jasaw Chan K'awiil.

He stood over six feet tall.

Visok je bil več kot 180 cm.

Živel je več kot 80 let.

He lived into his 80s,

Po smrti leta 720 n. št. so ga pokopali v grobnici.

and he was buried beneath this monument in 720 AD.

And Mayan inscriptions proclaim that he was deeply in love with his wife.

Majevski zapisi pravijo,

da je kralj globoko ljubil svojo ženo.

V njeno čast je zgradil tempelj nasproti njegovemu.

So, he built a temple in her honor, facing his.

And every spring and autumn, exactly at the equinox,

Vsako pomlad in jesen, točno na enakonočje,

vzide sonce za njegovim templjem

the sun rises behind his temple,

and perfectly bathes her temple with his shadow.

in meče senco na njen tempelj.

And as the sun sets behind her temple in the afternoon,

Ko sonce zaide za njen tempelj,

it perfectly bathes his temple with her shadow.

meče senco na njegov tempelj.

Po 1300 letih se ljubimca

After 1,300 years, these two lovers still touch and kiss from their tomb.

še vedno poljubljata iz grobnic.

Ljudje po svetu ljubijo.

Around the world, people love.

Pojejo za ljubezen, plešejo za ljubezen,

They sing for love, they dance for love,

they compose poems and stories about love.

pišejo pesmi in zgodbe o ljubezni.

They tell myths and legends about love.

Pripovedujejo mite in legende o ljubezni.

Hrepenijo po ljubezni, živijo za ljubezen,

They pine for love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love.

ubijajo za ljubezen, umirajo za ljubezen.

Walt Whitman je enkrat rekel,

As Walt Whitman once said, "O I would stake all for you."

zate bi dal vse.

Antropologi so našli dokaze o romantični ljubezni v 170 kulturah.

Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies.

They've never found a society that did not have it.

Nikoli niso našli kulture, ki je ne bi imela.

Ljubezen ni vedno srečna.

But love isn't always a happy experience.

Pri raziskavi med študenti

In one study of college students, they asked a lot of questions about love,

so postavljali veliko vprašanj o ljubezni.

Dve vprašanji sta mi ostali najbolj v spominu.

but the two that stood out to me the most were:

Vas je kdaj zavrnila oseba, ki ste jo resnično ljubili?

"Have you ever been rejected by somebody who you really loved?"

And the second question was:

Drugo vprašanje pa je bilo,

ste kdaj zavrnili osebo, ki vas je resnično ljubila?

"Have you ever dumped somebody who really loved you?"

And almost 95 percent of both men and women said yes to both.

Skoraj 95 % moških in žensk je odgovorilo pritrdilno na obe vprašanji.

Skoraj nihče ne uide ljubezni živ.

Almost nobody gets out of love alive.

So, before I start telling you about the brain,

Preden začnem govoriti o možganih,

vam želim prebrati

I want to read for you

what I think is the most powerful love poem on Earth.

najmočnejšo ljubezensko pesem na svetu.

There's other love poems that are, of course, just as good,

Druge ljubezenske pesmi so seveda lahko prav tako dobre,

a te pesmi ne prekašajo.

but I don't think this one can be surpassed.

Pesem je povedal anonimen kwakutlski Indijanec iz južne Aljaske

It was told by an anonymous Kwakiutl Indian of southern Alaska

to a missionary in 1896.

nekemu misijonarju leta 1896.

And here it is.

Nisem še imela priložnosti, da bi jo prebrala.

I've never had the opportunity to say it before.

"Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you.

V mojem telesu gori ogenj bolečine, ker te ljubim.

Moje telo prebada bolečina ognja ljubezni, ki jo čutim do tebe.

Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you.

Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you,

Bolečina, ki jo bo pravkar razneslo od ljubezni do tebe,

ki jo požira ogenj moje ljubezni.

consumed by fire with my love for you.

I remember what you said to me.

Spomnim se, kaj si mi rekla.

Premišljujem o tvoji ljubezni do mene.

I am thinking of your love for me.

Zaradi tvoje ljubezni sem razpeta.

I am torn by your love for me.

Bolečina, še več bolečine,

Pain and more pain --

where are you going with my love?

kam greš z mojo ljubeznijo?

Slišal sem, da odhajaš.

I am told you will go from here.

I am told you will leave me here.

Slišal sem, da me boš zapustila.

Moje telo je otopelo od žalosti.

My body is numb with grief.

Se spomniš, kaj sem ti rekel, ljubezen moja.

Remember what I said, my love.

Zbogom, ljubezen moja, zbogom.

Goodbye, my love, goodbye."

Emily Dickinson once wrote, "Parting is all we need to know of hell."

Emily Dickinson je enkrat napisala,

ločitev je vse, kar moramo vedeti o peklu.

Koliko ljudi je že trpelo

How many people have suffered

v vseh milijonih let človeške evolucije?

in all the millions of years of human evolution?

How many people around the world

Koliko ljudi na svetu

pleše od sreče v tem trenutku?

are dancing with elation at this very minute?

Romantic love is one of the most powerful sensations on Earth.

Romantična ljubezen je eno največjih čustev na Zemlji.

Pred nekaj leti sem se odločila pogledati v možgane

So, several years ago, I decided to look into the brain

in preučiti to norost.

and study this madness.

Our first study of people who were happily in love

Prva raziskava med srečno zaljubljenimi osebami

has been widely publicized,

je bila objavljena v javnosti.

so I'm only going to say very little about it.

Zato bom o njej povedala malo.

We found activity in a tiny, little factory near the base of the brain

Našli smo dejavnost v majceni tovarni blizu središča možganov,

called the ventral tegmental area.

ki ga imenujemo ventralno tegmentalno področje.

We found activity in some cells called the A10 cells,

Našli smo dejavnost v ApEn-celicah.

cells that actually make dopamine, a natural stimulant,

Te celice proizvajajo dopamin, naravni stimulant,

and spray it to many brain regions.

in ga raznašajo v druge možganske dele.

Ta del možganov je del možganskega sistema za nagrajevanje

Indeed, this part, the VTA, is part of the brain's reward system.

ki je precej oddaljen od kognitivnih miselnih procesov.

It's way below your cognitive thinking process.

It's below your emotions.

Oddaljen je tudi od vaših čustev

It's part of what we call the reptilian core of the brain,

Ta del možganov sodi v središče, ki ga imenujemo tudi plazilski del možganov

associated with wanting, with motivation, with focus and with craving.

ki je povezano s hotenjem, motivacijo,

osredotočenostjo in hrepenenjem.

In fact, the same brain region where we found activity

Možgansko področje, kjer smo našli aktivnost,

postane aktivno tudi, ko vzamete kokain.

becomes active also when you feel the rush of cocaine.

But romantic love is much more than a cocaine high --

A romantična ljubezen je več kot zadetost s kokainom.

at least you come down from cocaine.

Vpliv kokaina kmalu mine.

Romantic love is an obsession, it possesses you.

Romantična ljubezen pa je obsedenost. Obvladuje nas.

You lose your sense of self.

Izgubimo nadzor nad sabo.

Ne moremo nehati razmišljati o tej osebi.

You can't stop thinking about another human being.

Somebody is camping in your head.

Nekdo tabori v naši glavi.

Japonski pesnik iz 8. stoletja je rekel,

As an eighth-century Japanese poet said, "My longing had no time when it ceases."

hrepenenje se nikoli ne konča.

Ljubezen je divja.

Wild is love.

Obsedenost se lahko poslabša, če vas ljubljeni zavrne.

And the obsession can get worse when you've been rejected.

Trenutno z Lucy Brown, nevroznanstvenico pri našem projektu,

So, right now, Lucy Brown and I, the neuroscientists on our project,

pregledujeva podatke o osebah,

are looking at the data of the people

ki smo jih slikali takoj zatem, ko jih je partner zapustil.

who were put into the machine after they had just been dumped.

It was very difficult actually, putting these people in the machine,

Težko jih je bilo

spraviti v stroj,

because they were in such bad shape.

ker so bili kot kupi nesreče.

(smeh)

(Laughter)

So anyway, we found activity in three brain regions.

Našli smo aktivnost v treh delih možganov.

We found activity in the brain region,

Našli smo aktivnost v možganskem delu,

in exactly the same brain region associated with intense romantic love.

v istem možganskem delu,

ki je povezan z močno romatično ljubeznijo.

Kakšna škoda.

What a bad deal.

You know, when you've been dumped,

Ko vas partner zapusti,

the one thing you love to do is just forget about this human being,

hočete pozabiti na to osebo

in živeti naprej.

and then go on with your life -- but no, you just love them harder.

Ampak ne, ljubite jih še bolj.

Rimski pesnik Terentius je enkrat rekel,

As the poet Terence, the Roman poet once said,

he said, "The less my hope, the hotter my love."

manjše kot je upanje, bolj vroča je moja ljubezen.

Zdaj vemo, zakaj je tako.

And indeed, we now know why.

Two thousand years later, we can explain this in the brain.

Po 2000 letih smo našli razlago v možganih.

Možganski sistem za nagrajevanje

That brain system -- the reward system

for wanting, for motivation, for craving, for focus --

za hotenje, motivacijo, hrepenje in osredotočenost

becomes more active when you can't get what you want.

postane dejavnejši, ko ne dobite tistega, kar hočete.

In this case, life's greatest prize: an appropriate mating partner.

V tem primeru, največjo življenjsko nagrado

primernega partnerja.

We found activity in other brain regions also --

Našli smo aktivnosti tudi v drugih možganskih delih.

V možganskem delu, ki preračunava pridobitve in izgube.

in a brain region associated with calculating gains and losses.

Ležite tam, gledate sliko,

You're lying there, you're looking at the picture,

ste v tem stroju.

and you're in this machine,

In premišljujete, kaj je šlo narobe.

and you're calculating what went wrong.

What have I lost?

Kako, veste, kaj ste izgubili?

As a matter of fact, Lucy and I have a little joke about this.

Z Lucy imava šalo na račun tega.

ki izvira iz dramske igre Davida Mameta.

It comes from a David Mamet play,

and there's two con artists in the play,

V igri nastopata dva prevaranta.

Ženska poskuša nalagati moškega.

and the woman is conning the man,

and the man looks at the woman and says,

Moški jo pogleda in reče,

slab konj si. Nate ne bom stavil.

"Oh, you're a bad pony, I'm not going to bet on you."

And indeed, it's this part of the brain,

Ta del možganov

postane aktiven,

the core of the nucleus accumbens,

that is becoming active as you're measuring your gains and losses.

ko preračunavate svoje pridobitve in izgube.

Aktiven postane tudi

It's also the brain region that becomes active

ko ste pripravljeni tvegati

when you're willing to take enormous risks for huge gains and huge losses.

za velike pridobitve in velike izgube.

Last but not least, we found activity in a brain region

Poleg tega smo našli aktivnost v delu možganov,

ki je povezan z globoko navezanostjo na drugo osebo.

associated with deep attachment to another individual.

No wonder people suffer around the world, and we have so many crimes of passion.

Ni čudno, da ljudje trpijo po vsem svetu

in da je toliko zločinov iz strasti.

When you've been rejected in love,

Ko ste zavrnjeni v ljubezni,

niste le prežeti s čustvi romantične ljubezni,

not only are you engulfed with feelings of romantic love,

poleg tega čutite globoko navezanost na to osebo.

but you're feeling deep attachment to this individual.

Moreover, this brain circuit for reward is working,

Poleg tega je aktiven tudi del možganov,

ki vas napolni z energijo, močno osredotočenostjo,

and you're feeling intense energy, intense focus, intense motivation

motivacijo in pripravljenostjo, da tvegate vse

and the willingness to risk it all, to win life's greatest prize.

za največjo življenjsko nagrado.

So, what have I learned from this experiment

Kaj sem se naučila pri tej raziskavi,

that I would like to tell the world?

kar bi rada delila s svetom?

Foremost, I have come to think

Pomislila sem,

that romantic love is a drive, a basic mating drive.

da je romantična ljubezen gon, osnovna potreba po parjenju.

Ne potreba po spolnosti sami - zaradi te potrebe greste ven

Not the sex drive --

the sex drive gets you looking for a whole range of partners.

in iščete celo vrsto možnih partnerjev.

Romantična ljubezen vam omogoča, da svojo erotično energijo osredotočite

Romantic love enables you to focus your mating energy

on just one at a time, conserve your mating energy,

le na eno osebo naenkrat

and start the mating process with this single individual.

in začnete proces parjenja s tem posameznikom

Prebrala sem veliko pesmi o romantični ljubezni.

I think of all the poetry that I've read about romantic love,

Ljubezen najbolje povzamejo besede Platona

what sums it up best is something that is said by Plato

over 2,000 years ago.

izpred več kot 2000 let.

Platon je rekel, bog ljubezni živi v stanju potrebe.

He said, "The god of love lives in a state of need.

To je potreba. To je nuja.

It is a need, it is an urge, it is a homeostatic imbalance.

To je homeostatično neravnovesje.

Like hunger and thirst, it's almost impossible to stamp out."

Kot lakota ali žeja. Tega ne morete izključiti.

Začela sem verjeti tudi, da je romantična ljubezen zasvojenost.

I've also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction:

a perfectly wonderful addiction when it's going well,

Prekrasna zasvojenost, ko gre vse dobro,

in grozna zasvojenost, ko gre slabo.

and a perfectly horrible addiction when it's going poorly.

And indeed, it has all of the characteristics of addiction.

Romantična ljubezen ima vse znake zasvojenosti.

You focus on the person, you obsessively think about them,

Osredotočite se na eno osebo, obsedeno mislite nanjo,

you crave them, you distort reality,

hrepenite po njej, popačite resničnost,

your willingness to take enormous risks to win this person.

veliko tvegate, da osvojite to osebo.

And it's got the three main characteristics of addiction:

Ljubezen ima vse tri ključne značilnosti zasvojenosti.

Toleranca - osebo morate videti vedno pogosteje,

tolerance, you need to see them more, and more, and more;

withdrawals;

odtegnitev, in kasneje, zdrs nazaj.

and last: relapse.

Prijateljica pravkar preboleva grozno razmerje.

I've got a girlfriend who's just getting over a terrible love affair.

It's been about eight months, she's beginning to feel better.

Minilo je osem mesecev, končno se počuti bolje.

Zadnjič se je vozila z avtom

And she was driving along in her car the other day,

in zaslišala na radiu pesem,

and suddenly she heard a song on the car radio

ki jo je spomnila na tega moškega.

that reminded her of this man.

Not only did the instant craving come back,

Takrat ni le zahrepenela po njem.

but she had to pull over from the side of the road and cry.

Morala je ustaviti avto

in jokati.

So, one thing I would like the medical community,

Hočem, da bi zdravniška stroka,

pravniška strok in tudi študentska skupnost

and the legal community, and even the college community,

to see if they can understand, that indeed, romantic love

poskušale razumeti,

da je romantična ljubezen najmočnejša zasvojenost na Zemlji.

is one of the most addictive substances on Earth.

I would also like to tell the world that animals love.

Hočem povedati še nekaj. Živali ljubijo.

There's not an animal on this planet

Na planetu ni niti ene živali,

ki bi se parila s čimerkoli, kar ji prekriža pot.

that will copulate with anything that comes along.

S prestarimi, premladimi, preneumnimi se ne bodo.

Too old, too young, too scruffy, too stupid, and they won't do it.

Unless you're stuck in a laboratory cage --

Razen če obtičijo v laboratorijski kletki...

and you know, if you spend your entire life in a little box,

Če bi vi celo življenje preživeli v majhni škatli,

ne bi bili izbirični pri izbiri partnerja za seks.

you're not going to be as picky about who you have sex with,

but I've looked in a hundred species,

Preučila sem sto vrst živali.

V divjini imajo vse živali najljubše partnerje.

and everywhere in the wild, animals have favorites.

As a matter of fact, ethologists know this.

Etologi poznajo to dejstvo.

There are over eight words for what they call "animal favoritism:"

Obstaja več kot osem besed za opis izbiranja pri živalih

selective proceptivity, mate choice, female choice, sexual choice.

selektivna izbira, izbira za parjenje, izbira samice, seksualna izbira.

And indeed, there are now three academic articles

Napisani so bili trije akademski članki,

in which they've looked at this attraction,

ki preučujejo živalsko privlačnost.

which may only last for a second,

Privlačnost lahko traja le sekundo,

but it's a definite attraction,

a je nedvomna.

Pri tem sodeluje isti možganski sistem kot pri ljudeh

and either this same brain region, this reward system,

or the chemicals of that reward system are involved.

s svojimi kemičnimi prenašalci.

In fact, I think animal attraction can be instant --

Živalska privlačnost je lahko takojšnja.

you can see an elephant instantly go for another elephant.

Slon se v trenutku ogreje za drugega slona.

And I think that this is really the origin

Mislim, da od tu izvira

of what you and I call "love at first sight."

ljubezen na prvi pogled.

Veliko ljudi me je že vprašalo,

People have often asked me

whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me.

če je preučevanje ljubezni v meni uničilo čar ljubezni.

And I just simply say, "Hardly."

Odgovorim jim, niti ne.

You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake,

Lahko bi poznali vse sestavine v čokoladni torti,

a ko jeste to torto,

and then when you sit down and eat that cake,

you can still feel that joy.

še vedno čutite tisto veselje.

And certainly, I make all the same mistakes that everybody else does too,

Prepričana sem, da delam enake napake,

kot jih delajo drugi.

but it's really deepened my understanding

A raziskovanje je poglobilo moje razumevanje

and compassion, really, for all human life.

in sočutje do življenja.

As a matter of fact, in New York, I often catch myself

Iskreno povedano, v New Yorku pogosto

looking in baby carriages and feeling a little sorry for the tot.

pogledam v otroški voziček in sočustvujem z malčkom.

And in fact, sometimes I feel a little sorry

Včasih sočustvujem

for the chicken on my dinner plate,

s pečeno kokošjo na krožniku,

ko pomislim, kako intenziven je možganski sistem.

when I think of how intense this brain system is.

Our newest experiment has been hatched

Najnovejšo raziskavo je zasnoval

by my colleague, Art Aron --

sodelavec Art Aron.

putting people who are reporting that they are still in love,

Osebam, ki trdijo, da so še vedno zaljubljene

v dolgoletnem razmerju, slika možgane.

in a long-term relationship, into the functional MRI.

We've put five people in so far,

Doslej smo pregledali pet oseb.

and indeed, we found exactly the same thing.

Našli smo enake rezultate glede možganske aktivnosti. Te osebe ne lažejo.

They're not lying.

The brain areas associated with intense romantic love

Možganski deli,

ki so povezani z romantično ljubeznijo,

still become active, 25 years later.

so po 25 letih še vedno aktivni.

There are still many questions to be answered

Najti moramo še veliko odgovorov

and asked about romantic love.

in si zastaviti še veliko vprašanj o romantični ljubezni.

The question that I'm working on right this minute --

V tem trenutku si zastavljam eno vprašanje,

dotaknila se ga bom le na kratko;

and I'm only going to say it for a second, and then end --

zakaj se v eno osebo zaljubimo raje kot v drugo?

is, why do you fall in love with one person, rather than another?

I never would have even thought to think of this,

Nikoli ne bi pomislila na to,

but Match.com, the Internet dating site,

a spletna stran za zmenke Match.com

came to me three years ago and asked me that question.

me je pred tremi leti vprašala prav to.

Odgovorila sem, ne vem.

And I said, I don't know.

I know what happens in the brain, when you do become in love,

Vem, kaj se zgodi v možganih, ko se zaljubite.

but I don't know why you fall in love with one person rather than another.

A ne vem, zakaj se v eno osebo zaljubimo raje

kot v drugo.

Tri leta sem se ukvarjala s tem vprašanjem.

And so, I've spent the last three years on this.

And there are many reasons that you fall in love with one person

Obstaja veliko razlogov, zakaj se v eno osebo zaljubimo

raje kot v drugo. Psihologi vam lahko to razložijo.

rather than another, that psychologists can tell you.

Največkrat se zaljubimo v osebo,

And we tend to fall in love with somebody from the same socioeconomic background,

ki prihaja iz enakega družbenoekonomskega ozadja,

ima enako stopnjo inteligence,

the same general level of intelligence, of good looks, the same religious values.

enako stopnjo lepega videza,

enake verske vrednote.

Your childhood certainly plays a role, but nobody knows how.

Tudi otroštvo vpliva na to, a ne vemo, kako.

And that's about it, that's all they know.

To je vse, kar vejo.

No, they've never found

Niso še ugotovili, kako dve osebi

the way two personalities fit together to make a good relationship.

ustvarita dobro razmerje.

So, it began to occur to me

Začelo se mi je dozdevati,

that maybe your biology pulls you towards some people rather than another.

da nas biologija vleče

k nekaterim osebam bolj kot k drugim.

And I have concocted a questionnaire to see to what degree

Sestavila sem vprašalnik, da bi izvedela, do katere mere

you express dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone.

se pri posamezniku izraža vpliv dopamina, serotonina, estrogena in testosterona.

I think we've evolved four very broad personality types

V evoluciji so se razvili štirje široki tipi osebnosti

associated with the ratios of these four chemicals in the brain.

ki so povezani z razmerji teh štirih kemikalij v možganih.

And on this dating site that I have created, called Chemistry.com,

Na moji spletni strani za zmenke,

Chemistry.com, vam najprej zastavim nekaj vprašanj,

I ask you first a series of questions

to see to what degree you express these chemicals,

da vidim, do katere mere izražate te kemikalije.

and I'm watching who chooses who to love.

Nato opazujem, kdo se zaljubi v koga.

And 3.7 million people have taken the questionnaire in America.

Vprašalnik je izpolnilo 3.7 mio ljudi v Ameriki

in okoli 600,000 ljudi v 33 drugih državah.

About 600,000 people have taken it in 33 other countries.

I'm putting the data together now,

Zdaj pregledujem dobljene podatke.

and at some point -- there will always be magic to love,

Ljubezen bo vedno čudež.

A enkrat bom bolje razumela,

but I think I will come closer to understanding

zakaj vstopimo v nek prostor,

why it is you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background,

kjer vsi izhajajo iz enakega ozadja,

your same general level of intelligence, good looks,

imajo enako stopnjo inteligence,

enako stopnjo lepote,

a nas vendar vsi ne privlačijo.

and you don't feel pulled towards all of them.

I think there's biology to that.

Mislim, da je za tem biologija.

I think we're going to end up, in the next few years,

Mislim, da bomo v naslednjih nekaj letih

to understand all kinds of brain mechanisms

razumeli vse možganske mehanizme,

that pull us to one person rather than another.

ki nas vlečejo k eni osebi bolj kot k drugi.

So, I will close with this.

Zaključila bom s tem. To so moji starejši ljudje.

These are my older people.

Faulkner said, "The past is not dead, it's not even past."

Faulkner je enkrat rekel, preteklost ni mrtva,

tudi preteklost ni.

Kakorkoli, v možganih nosimo prtljago

Indeed, we carry a lot of luggage from our yesteryear in the human brain.

iz vseh preživelih let.

And so, there's one thing that makes me pursue my understanding of human nature,

Zaradi ene stvari

hočem razumeti človeško naravo

and this reminds me of it.

in to je me spomnilo nanjo.

These are two women.

To sta dve ženski.

Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do.

Ženske postanejo intimne drugače kot moški.

Women get intimacy from face-to-face talking.

Ženske dosežemo intimnost s pogovorom iz oči v oči.

Nagibamo se ena k drugi,

We swivel towards each other,

we do what we call the "anchoring gaze" and we talk.

si gledamo v oči in se pogovarjamo.

To je intimnost za ženske.

This is intimacy to women.

I think it comes from millions of years

Mislim, da to izvira iz milijonov let

držanje otroka pred obrazom,

of holding that baby in front of your face,

dobrikanja otroku, kreganja in poučevanja otroka.

cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words.

Moški dosežejo intimnost z delom eden ob drugem.

Men tend to get intimacy from side-by-side doing.

(smeh)

As soon as one guy looks up, the other guy will look away.

Ko en moški dvigne pogled, drugi moški pogleda stran.

(smeh)

(Laughter)

I think it comes from millions of years sitting behind the bush,

Mislim, da to izvira iz milijonov let

sedenja za grmovjem,

looking straight ahead, trying to hit that buffalo on the head with a rock.

gledanja naravnost

in poskušanja ubiti bivola.

(smeh)

I think, for millions of years, men faced their enemies,

Moški so se milijone let soočali s sovražniki iz oči v oči,

s prijatelji pa so sedeli eden zraven drugega.

they sat side-by-side with friends.

So my final statement is: love is in us.

Moja zaključna izjava je: ljubezen je v nas.

Ljubezen je nameščena v možganih.

It's deeply embedded in the brain.

Our challenge is to understand each other.

Drug drugega moramo razumeti. Hvala.

Thank you.

(aplavz)

(Applause)