The danger of hiding who you are | Morgana Bailey

Translator: David Vázquez Costas Reviewer: Xusto Rodriguez

When I was young, I prided myself as a nonconformist

De nova, estaba orgullosa de ser unha inconformista

in the conservative U.S. state I live in, Kansas.

no estado conservador en que vivo, Kansas.

I didn't follow along with the crowd.

Non imitaba os demais.

I wasn't afraid to try weird clothing trends or hairstyles.

Non tiña medo de levar roupa ou peiteados raros.

I was outspoken and extremely social.

Era sinceira e moi sociable.

Even these pictures and postcards of my London semester abroad 16 years ago

Nestas fotos e postais do meu semestre en Londres, hai 16 anos

show that I obviously didn't care if I was perceived as weird or different.

pódese ver que non me importaba se pensaban que era rara ou diferente.

(Laughter)

(Risas)

But that same year I was in London, 16 years ago,

Mais nese ano en Londres, hai 16 anos,

I realized something about myself that actually was somewhat unique,

descubrín algo de min que era de algunha forma único,

and that changed everything.

e iso o cambiou todo.

Convertinme no contrario do que pensaba que era.

I became the opposite of who I thought I once was.

I stayed in my room instead of socializing.

Quedaba no meu cuarto en vez de quedar coa xente.

I stopped engaging in clubs and leadership activities.

Deixei os clubes e as actividades de liderado.

Xa non quería destacar.

I didn't want to stand out in the crowd anymore.

I told myself it was because I was growing up and maturing,

Díxenme a min mesma que era porque estaba medrando e madurando

not that I was suddenly looking for acceptance.

e non que estaba en busca de aceptación.

I had always assumed I was immune to needing acceptance.

Sempre pensei que era inmune á necesidade de aceptación.

After all, I was a bit unconventional.

Despois de todo, non era unha persoa convencional.

But I realize now

Mais agora decátome

that the moment I realized something was different about me

de que cando vin que tiña algo diferente

was the exact same moment that I began conforming and hiding.

foi cando empecei a me agochar.

Hiding is a progressive habit,

Agocharse é algo progresivo,

and once you start hiding,

xa que unha vez que empezas,

it becomes harder and harder to step forward and speak out.

cada vez é máis difícil saír do escondedoiro.

In fact, even now,

E incluso agora,

when I was talking to people about what this talk was about,

cando falei coa xente

sobre esta charla,

I made up a cover story

inventei outra historia,

and I even hid the truth about my TED Talk.

e non lles contei a verdade sobre a miña charla TED.

So it is fitting and scary

Dáme satisfacción e medo á vez

that I have returned to this city 16 years later

voltar a esta cidade 16 anos máis tarde

and I have chosen this stage to finally stop hiding.

e escoller este escenario para me deixar de esconder.

What have I been hiding for 16 years?

Que estiven ocultando durante 16 anos?

I am a lesbian.

Son lesbiana.

(Applause)

(Aplauso)

Thank you.

Grazas.

I've struggled to say those words,

Custoume moito dicir estas palabras

because I didn't want to be defined by them.

porque non quería que me definisen.

Every time I would think about coming out in the past,

Cada vez que no pasado imaxinaba saír do armario,

I would think to myself, but I just want to be known as Morgana,

pensaba que só quería que me coñecesen como Morgana,

uniquely Morgana,

só Morgana,

but not "my lesbian friend Morgana," or "my gay coworker Morgana."

non "Morgana, a miña amiga lesbiana", ou "a miña compañeira gai Morgana".

Just Morgana.

Só Morgana.

For those of you from large metropolitan areas,

Para quen sodes de grandes cidades,

this may not seem like a big deal to you.

isto pódevos parecer unha parvada.

It may seem strange that I have suppressed the truth

Pode parecer estraño que escondese a verdade

and hidden this for so long.

durante tanto tempo.

But I was paralyzed by my fear of not being accepted.

Mais o medo a non ser aceptada paralizábame.

And I'm not alone, of course.

E sei que non estou soa.

A 2013 Deloitte study found that a surprisingly large number of people

Un estudo de Deloitte do 2013 mostra que moitísima xente

hide aspects of their identity.

esconde partes da súa identidade.

Of all the employees they surveyed,

De todólos empregados que entrevistaron,

61 percent reported changing an aspect of their behavior or their appearance

o 61% dixo que cambia aspectos do seu comportamento ou aparencia

in order to fit in at work.

para ser aceptado no traballo.

Of all the gay, lesbian and bisexual employees,

De todos os empregados homosexuais e bisexuais,

83 percent admitted to changing some aspects of themselves

o 83% dixeron que cambian aspectos

so they would not appear at work "too gay."

para non parecer "gais de máis" no traballo.

The study found that even in companies

O estudo mostra que incluso nas empresas

with diversity policies and inclusion programs,

con políticas de diversidade e programas de inclusión,

employees struggle to be themselves at work

os empregados loitan por seren eles mesmos no traballo,

pois cren que a conformidade é importante

because they believe conformity is critical

to their long-term career advancement.

para progresar na súa carreira a longo prazo.

And while I was surprised that so many people just like me

Aínda que me asombrei

de que tanta xente coma min

gaste moita enerxía intentando ocultarse,

waste so much energy trying to hide themselves,

I was scared when I discovered that my silence

tiña medo cando descubrín que o meu silencio

has life-or-death consequences and long-term social repercussions.

ten consecuencias de vida ou morte e repercusións sociais a longo prazo.

Twelve years:

Doce anos:

the length by which life expectancy is shortened

O tempo no que se acurta a esperanza de vida

for gay, lesbian and bisexual people in highly anti-gay communities

dos bisexuais e homosexuais

nas comunidades homófobas

compared to accepting communities.

en comparación coas que non o son.

Twelve years reduced life expectancy.

12 anos menos de esperanza de vida.

When I read that in The Advocate magazine this year,

Cando lín isto na revista The Advocate

I realized I could no longer afford to keep silent.

deime conta de que non podía seguirme escondendo.

The effects of personal stress and social stigmas are a deadly combination.

Os efectos combinados do estrés persoal e os estigmas sociais son mortais.

The study found that gays in anti-gay communities

O estudo mostra que os gais en comunidades homófobas

had higher rates of heart disease, violence and suicide.

son máis propensos a doenzas cardíacas, violencia e suicidio.

What I once thought was simply a personal matter

O que nun principio vía como un asunto persoal,

decateime de que tiña un efecto dominó

I realized had a ripple effect

that went into the workplace and out into the community

que ía do traballo á comunidade

for every story just like mine.

en todas as historias coma a miña.

My choice to hide and not share who I really am

A elección de me esconder e non revelar a miña propia identidade

may have inadvertently contributed to this exact same environment

contribuía sen querer a esta atmosfera

and atmosphere of discrimination.

de discriminación.

I'd always told myself there's no reason to share that I was gay,

Sempre pensei que non tiña por que dicir que era lesbiana

but the idea that my silence has social consequences

mais a idea de que o meu silencio ten consecuencias sociais,

was really driven home this year when I missed an opportunity

fíxose realmente evidente cando perdín unha oportunidade

to change the atmosphere of discrimination in my own home state of Kansas.

de cambiar a atmosfera de discriminación de Kansas, o meu estado natal.

In February, the Kansas House of Representatives brought up a bill for vote

En febreiro, a Cámara de Representantes de Kansas

sacou unha proposta a votación que permitiría

that would have essentially allowed businesses

to use religious freedom as a reason to deny gays services.

usar a liberdade relixiosa como razón para negar servizos a homosexuais.

A former coworker and friend of mine

O pai dunha excompañeira e amiga

has a father who serves in the Kansas House of Representatives.

forma parte da Cámara de Representantes.

He voted in favor of the bill,

Votou a favor da proposta,

in favor of a law that would allow businesses to not serve me.

a favor dunha lei que permitiría que as empresas non me atendan

How does my friend feel

Que pensa a miña amiga

about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people?

sobre lesbianas, gais, bisexuais, transexuais e intersexuais?

How does her father feel?

Que pensa o seu pai?

I don't know, because I was never honest with them about who I am.

Non o sei, porque nunca lles dixen quen son en realidade.

And that shakes me to the core.

E iso dáme arrepíos.

What if I had told her my story years ago?

Que pasaría se lle contara todo hai anos?

Could she have told her father my experience?

Podería ela contarlle a miña experiencia ao seu pai?

Could I have ultimately helped change his vote?

Axudaría iso a cambiar o seu voto?

I will never know,

Nunca o saberei,

and that made me realize I had done nothing

e con iso decateime de que non fixen nada

to try to make a difference.

para intentar cambiar as cousas.

How ironic that I work in human resources,

É irónico saber que traballo en recursos humanos,

a profession that works to welcome,

unha profesión para dar a benvida,

connect and encourage the development of employees,

apoiar e motivar o desenvolvemento dos traballadores,

a profession that advocates that the diversity of society

unha profesión que avoga por que a diversidade social

should be reflected in the workplace,

se vexa reflectida no centro de traballo,

and yet I have done nothing to advocate for diversity.

e aínda así, non fixen nada para avogar pola diversidade.

When I came to this company one year ago,

Cando cheguei a esta empresa, hai un ano,

I thought to myself, this company has anti-discrimination policies

pensei: esta empresa ten políticas contra a discriminación

that protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

que protexen as persoas LGTB.

Their commitment to diversity is evident through their global inclusion programs.

O seu compromiso coa diversidade é evidente

nos seus programas de inclusión global.

When I walk through the doors of this company, I will finally come out.

Cando entre nesta empresa, sairei por fin do armario.

But I didn't.

Pero non o fixen.

Instead of taking advantage of the opportunity,

No canto de aproveitar a oportunidade,

I did nothing.

non fixen nada.

(Applause)

(Aplauso)

When I was looking through my London journal and scrapbook

Ao revisar o meu diario e o meu álbum de recortes

from my London semester abroad 16 years ago,

do meu semestre en Londres, hai 16 anos,

I came across this modified quote from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise."

encontrei esta cita modificada do libro de Toni Morrison, Paradise.

"There are more scary things inside than outside."

"Hai cousas máis cousas que dan medo dentro que fóra".

And then I wrote a note to myself at the bottom:

E eu escribín unha nota debaixo:

"Remember this."

"Acórdate disto".

I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself to get out and explore London,

Estou segura de que intentaba animarme para saír e explorar Londres,

but the message I missed was the need to start exploring and embracing myself.

mais a mensaxe que perdín foi a necesidade de comezar a explorar e a quererme.

What I didn't realize until all these years later

Do que non me dei conta até moitos anos despois

is that the biggest obstacles I will ever have to overcome

é de que os obstáculos máis grandes que vou ter que enfrontar

are my own fears and insecurities.

son os meus propios medos e inseguridades.

I believe that by facing my fears inside, I will be able to change reality outside.

Creo que se loito contra os meus medos internos,

poderei cambiar a realidade exterior.

I made a choice today

Hoxe fixen unha elección

to reveal a part of myself that I have hidden for too long.

para mostrar unha parte de min que estivo demasiado tempo oculta.

I hope that this means I will never hide again,

Espero que isto signifique que nunca me hei volver esconder,

and I hope that by coming out today, I can do something to change the data

e espero que dicindo hoxe quen son poida facer algo para cambiar as cousas

and also to help others who feel different be more themselves and more fulfilled

e para animar aos que se senten diferentes a que sexan eles mesmos

in both their professional and personal lives.

tanto na súa vida profesional coma persoal.

Thank you.

Grazas.

(Applause)

(Aplauso)