"To This Day" ... for the bullied and beautiful | Shane Koyczan

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Translator: Sandra S. Feijoo Reviewer: Serv. de Norm. Lingüística U. de Santiago de Compostela

There's so many of you.

Sodes moitos...

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

When I was a kid,

De rapaz,

I hid my heart under the bed, because my mother said,

escondía o corazón baixo o leito porque miña nai dicía,

"Se non tes coidado, alguén virá rompercho algún día"

"If you're not careful, someday someone's going to break it."

Take it from me: Under the bed is not a good hiding spot.

Facédeme caso: ese non é un bo escondedoiro.

I know because I've been shot down so many times,

Seino porque fun derribado tantas veces

I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself.

que teño vertixe só estando de pé.

But that's what we were told.

Pero iso é o que nos dicían.

"Stand up for yourself."

"Mantente en pé e faite valer"

And that's hard to do if you don't know who you are.

Iso é difícil cando non sabes quen es.

We were expected to define ourselves at such an early age,

Esperábase que nos definísemos desde cativos,

and if we didn't do it, others did it for us.

e se non o facíamos, outros facíano por nós.

Geek. Fatty.

Rariño. Gordo.

Slut. Fag.

Puto. Marica.

And at the same time we were being told what we were,

E á vez que se nos dicía o que eramos,

we were being asked,

preguntábasenos,

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Que queres ser de maior?"

I always thought that was an unfair question.

Sempre pensei que esa pregunta era inxusta,

It presupposes that we can't be what we already are.

Supón que non se pode ser o que xa se é.

We were kids.

Eramos cativos.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a man.

De cativo, quería ser un home.

I wanted a registered retirement savings plan

Quería un plan de pensións

that would keep me in candy long enough to make old age sweet.

para poder mercar moitos doces

e ter unha boa vellez.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

When I was a kid, I wanted to shave.

De cativo, quería barbearme.

Now, not so much.

Agora, xa non tanto.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

When I was eight, I wanted to be a marine biologist.

Con oito anos quería ser biólogo mariño.

When I was nine, I saw the movie "Jaws,"

Con nove, vin Tiburón,

and thought to myself, "No, thank you."

e pensei: "Non, grazas".

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

And when I was 10,

Cando tiña dez anos,

I was told that my parents left because they didn't want me.

dixéronme que meus pais marcharan porque non me querían.

When I was 11, I wanted to be left alone.

Con once anos, quería estar só.

Con 12, quería morrer. Con 13, quería matar a un neno.

When I was 12, I wanted to die. When I was 13, I wanted to kill a kid.

When I was 14, I was asked to seriously consider a career path.

Cando tiña 14 anos, dixéronme que tiña que escoller unha profesión.

I said, "I'd like to be a writer."

Dixen: "Quero ser escritor."

And they said, "Choose something realistic."

E responderon: "Escolle algo realista".

So I said, "Professional wrestler."

Entón dixen: "Loitador profesional".

And they said, "Don't be stupid."

Responderon: "Non sexas estúpido".

See, they asked me what I wanted to be,

Mirade, preguntáronme o que quería ser,

then told me what not to be.

e logo dixéronme o que non ser.

And I wasn't the only one.

E non era ao único.

We were being told that we somehow must become

Dicíasenos que debiamos chegar a ser

what we are not, sacrificing what we are

o que non somos, sacrificando o que somos

to inherit the masquerade of what we will be.

e así herdar a farsa do que seremos.

I was being told to accept the identity that others will give me.

Dixéronme que aceptase a identidade que outros me darían.

And I wondered, what made my dreams so easy to dismiss?

E eu preguntábame por que os meus soños son tan fáciles de obviar?

Granted, my dreams are shy,

De acordo, os meus soños son tímidos,

because they're Canadian.

porque son canadenses.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

My dreams are self-conscious and overly apologetic.

Os meus soños son cohibidos, e dados a pedir desculpas.

They're standing alone at the high school dance,

Están parados sós no baile de fin de curso,

and they've never been kissed.

e nunca foron bicados.

See, my dreams got called names too.

Mirade, os meus soños tamén recibiron alcumes.

Silly. Foolish.

Parvo. Estúpido.

Impossible.

Imposible.

But I kept dreaming.

Pero seguín soñando.

I was going to be a wrestler. I had it all figured out.

Ía ser un loitador. Xa o tiña todo argallado.

I was going to be The Garbage Man.

Ía ser O Home do Lixo.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

My finishing move was going to be The Trash Compactor.

O meu movemento de remate sería O Compresor de Lixo.

My saying was going to be, "I'm taking out the trash!"

O meu dito ía ser, "¡Estou sacando o lixo!"

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

(Applause)

(Aplausos)

And then this guy, Duke "The Dumpster" Droese,

E entón ese mozo, Duke "Vertedoiro" Droese,

stole my entire shtick.

foi quen fixo a miña actuación.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

I was crushed,

Sentinme esmagado,

as if by a trash compactor.

como por un compresor de lixo.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

I thought to myself, "What now? Where do I turn?"

Pensei para min: "E agora? Que fago?"

Poetry.

Poesía.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

Like a boomerang, the thing I loved came back to me.

Coma un búmerang, o que amaba volveu a min.

One of the first lines of poetry I can remember writing

Unha das primeiras liñas de poesía que recordo escribir

was in response to a world that demanded I hate myself.

respondía a un mundo que esixía que me odiase.

From age 15 to 18, I hated myself

Desde os 15 ata os 18 anos, odiábame

for becoming the thing that I loathed:

por me converter no que aborrecía:

a bully.

un matón.

When I was 19, I wrote,

Cando tiña 19 anos, escribín:

"I will love myself despite the ease with which

"Voume querer malia a facilidade con que

I lean toward the opposite."

tendo facer o contrario".

Standing up for yourself doesn't have to mean

Valerse só non ten que significar

embracing violence.

abrazar a violencia.

When I was a kid,

Cando era neno,

I traded in homework assignments for friendship,

Intercambiaba tarefas escolares por amizade,

then gave each friend a late slip for never showing up on time,

e poñía escusas aos amigos por non chegaren a tempo,

and in most cases, not at all.

na maioría dos casos, por non apareceren.

I gave myself a hall pass to get through each broken promise.

Deime carta branca para librarme de todas as promesas rotas.

And I remember this plan, born out of frustration

E recordo este plan, nado da frustración

from a kid who kept calling me "Yogi,"

cun neno que non paraba de chamarme "Yogi".

then pointed at my tummy and said, "Too many picnic baskets."

Sinalaba o meu ventre e dicía: "Demasiadas cestas de picnic".

Turns out it's not that hard to trick someone,

Resulta que non é tan difícil enganar a alguén.

and one day before class, I said,

Un día antes da clase, díxenlle:

"Yeah, you can copy my homework,"

"Si, podes copiar a miña tarefa"

and I gave him all the wrong answers that I'd written down the night before.

e deille todas as respostas erradas que escribira a noite anterior.

He got his paper back expecting a near-perfect score,

Cando lle devolveron a tarefa, el esperaba case un dez,

and couldn't believe it when he looked across the room at me and held up a zero.

e non podía crer que estaba a termar dun cero.

I knew I didn't have to hold up my paper of 28 out of 30,

Eu sabía que non tiña que ensinar o meu traballo de 28 sobre 30,

but my satisfaction was complete when he looked at me, puzzled,

a miña satisfacción foi completa cando me mirou desconcertado,

and I thought to myself, "Smarter than the average bear, motherfucker."

e pensei para min, "máis intelixente que o oso medio, fillo de puta ".

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

(Applause)

(Aplausos)

This is who I am.

Este son eu.

This is how I stand up for myself.

Así é como me vallo eu só.

When I was a kid,

Cando era neno,

I used to think that pork chops and karate chops were the same thing.

pensaba que costeletas de porco e costeladas de karate eran o mesmo.

I thought they were both pork chops.

Para min eran costeletas de porco.

My grandmother thought it was cute,

Á miña avoa facíalle graza,

and because they were my favorite, she let me keep doing it.

e como eran as miñas favoritas, deixoume seguir dicíndoo.

Not really a big deal.

Non parecía importante.

One day, before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees,

Un día, aprendín que os mozos gordos non están deseñados para trepar,

I fell out of a tree and bruised the right side of my body.

cando caín dunha árbore e machuquei o lado dereito do meu corpo,

I didn't want to tell my grandmother

Non quería dicirllo á miña avoa

because I was scared I'd get in trouble

para non me meter en problemas

for playing somewhere I shouldn't have been.

por xogar onde non tiña que estar.

Cando o profesor de ximnasia viu as feridas, mandoume ver ó director.

The gym teacher noticed the bruise, and I got sent to the principal's office.

From there, I was sent to another small room with a really nice lady

Logo, enviáronme a unha pequena sala cunha señora moi agradable

who asked me all kinds of questions about my life at home.

que me facía moitas preguntas sobre a miña vida na casa.

Non vin razón para mentir.

I saw no reason to lie.

As far as I was concerned, life was pretty good.

Para min, a vida era bastante boa.

I told her, whenever I'm sad, my grandmother gives me karate chops.

Díxenlle: cando estou triste, a miña avoa dáme costeladas de karate.

(Laughter)

(Gargalladas)

This led to a full-scale investigation,

Isto provocou unha investigación,

and I was removed from the house for three days,

sacáronme da casa durante tres días,

until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises.

ata que finalmente preguntáronme como fixera as feridas.

News of this silly little story quickly spread through the school,

Axiña se espallou pola escola esta pequena anécdota,

and I earned my first nickname:

e obtiven o meu primeiro alcume:

Porkchop.

Costeleta de porco

To this day,

Ata hoxe,

I hate pork chops.

odio as costeletas de porco.

I'm not the only kid who grew up this way,

Non son o único neno que creceu así,

surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme

rodeado de persoas que adoitaban dicir esa rima

about sticks and stones,

sobre paus e pedras,

as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called,

como se os ósos rotos doeran máis que o que nos chamaban,

and we got called them all.

e chamábannos de todo.

So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us,

Así que crecemos crendo que ninguén se namoraría de nós,

that we'd be lonely forever,

que estariamos sós para sempre,

que nunca coñeceriamos alguén

that we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun

que nos fixese sentir que o sol

was something they built for us in their toolshed.

era un regalo seu para nós.

So broken heartstrings bled the blues,

As cordas rotas do corazón sangraban,

and we tried to empty ourselves so we'd feel nothing.

e intentamos baleirarnos para non sentirmos nada.

Don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone,

Non digades que iso doe menos ca un óso roto,

que un cirurxián pode cortar unha vida encarnada,

that an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away,

que non vai producir metástase; porque si o fai.

that there's no way for it to metastasize; it does.

She was eight years old,

Ela tiña oito anos,

our first day of grade three when she got called ugly.

o primeiro día en 3º de primaria, cando lle chamaron fea.

We both got moved to the back of class

Puxéronnos aos dous ó fondo da clase

so we would stop getting bombarded by spitballs.

para que non nos bombardeasen con bólas de papel cuspido.

But the school halls were a battleground.

Pero o vestíbulo era un campo de batalla.

We found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day.

Atopámonos superados en número día tras mísero día.

We used to stay inside for recess, because outside was worse.

Adoitábamos quedar dentro no recreo, porque fóra era peor.

Outside, we'd have to rehearse running away,

Fóra, teriamos que ensaiar as fuxidas,

or learn to stay still like statues, giving no clues that we were there.

ou aprender a ser como estatuas, sen dar pistas de que estabamos alí.

In grade five, they taped a sign to the front of her desk

En 5º de primaria pegaron un cartel na súa mesa

that read, "Beware of dog."

que dicía: "Coidado co can".

To this day,

Ata hoxe,

despite a loving husband, she doesn't think she's beautiful,

a pesar de ter un marido amoroso, ela non pensa que sexa fermosa,

because of a birthmark that takes up a little less than half her face.

por mor dunha marca de nacemento que ocupa case a metade do rostro.

Kids used to say, "She looks like a wrong answer

Os nenos dicían "Parece unha resposta incorrecta

that someone tried to erase, but couldn't quite get the job done."

que alguén intentou borrar, pero non conseguiu facelo".

And they'll never understand that she's raising two kids

E nunca entenderán que ela está a criar dous fillos

whose definition of beauty begins with the word "Mom,"

cuxa definición de beleza comeza coa palabra "mamá"

because they see her heart before they see her skin,

porque ven o seu corazón antes cá súa pel,

because she's only ever always been amazing.

porque ela sempre foi marabillosa.

He was a broken branch grafted onto a different family tree,

El era unha rama rota enxertada nunha árbore xenealóxica diferente,

adopted,

adoptada,

not because his parents opted for a different destiny.

non porque os seus pais apostasen por un destino diferente.

He was three when he became a mixed drink

Con tres anos converteuse nunha mestura

of one part left alone and two parts tragedy,

dunha parte de soidade e dúas partes de traxedia,

started therapy in eighth grade,

comezou ir a terapia en 2º da ESO,

had a personality made up of tests and pills,

tiña unha personalidade a base de tests e pílulas,

lived like the uphills were mountains and the downhills were cliffs,

vivía coma se os outeiros foran montañas e as baixadas acantilados,

four-fifths suicidal, a tidal wave of antidepressants,

catro quintas partes suicida, unha marea de antidepresivos,

and an adolescent being called "Popper,"

de mozo chamábanlle "Drogata",

one part because of the pills,

unha parte a causa das pastillas,

99 parts because of the cruelty.

99 partes a causa da crueldade.

He tried to kill himself in grade 10

Intentou matarse en 4º da ESO

when a kid who could still go home to Mom and Dad

cando un rapaz que aínda tiña na casa a súa nai e pai

had the audacity to tell him, "Get over it."

tivo o descaro de dicirlle "Supérao"

As if depression is something that could be remedied

Como se a depresión puidese remediarse

by any of the contents found in a first-aid kit.

con calquera dos contidos dun kit de primeiros auxilios.

To this day, he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends,

Ata hoxe, é un cartucho de TNT prendido por ambos os lados,

could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends

podería describir en detalle como o ceo se dobra

in the moment before it's about to fall,

no momento antes de caer,

and despite an army of friends who all call him an inspiration,

e malia un exército de amigos que o consideran inspiración,

he remains a conversation piece between people who can't understand

el segue sendo tema de conversa entre persoas que non entenden

sometimes being drug-free has less to do with addiction

que ás veces deixar as drogas ten menos que ver coa adicción

and more to do with sanity.

e máis que ver coa cordura.

We weren't the only kids who grew up this way.

Non fomos os únicos nenos que creceron deste xeito.

To this day, kids are still being called names.

Ata hoxe, os nenos aínda reciben alcumes.

The classics were "Hey, stupid," "Hey, spaz."

Os clásicos foron "Oe, estúpido", "Oe, panoco".

Seems like every school has an arsenal of names

Parece que todas as escolas teñen un arsenal de nomes

getting updated every year.

que se actualiza todos os anos.

And if a kid breaks in a school and no one around chooses to hear,

E se un rapaz se rompe na escola e ninguén decide escoitar,

do they make a sound?

fai algún son?

Are they just background noise from a soundtrack stuck on repeat,

Son só ruído de fondo dunha banda sonora posta en bucle,

when people say things like, "Kids can be cruel."

cando a xente di cousas como: "Os nenos poden ser crueis".

Every school was a big top circus tent,

Todas as escolas eran coma circos,

and the pecking order went from acrobats to lion tamers,

e a xerarquía pasaba de acróbatas a domadores de leóns,

from clowns to carnies, all of these miles ahead of who we were.

de pallasos a feirantes, todos moi por diante de quen eramos nós.

We were freaks --

Eramos monstros

lobster-claw boys and bearded ladies,

rapaces con pinzas de lumbrigante e mulleres barbudas,

rarezas facendo malabares coa depresión e a soidade,

oddities juggling depression and loneliness,

playing solitaire, spin the bottle,

xogando a soas, xirando a botella,

trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal,

intentando bicar as partes feridas de si mesmos e curarse,

but at night, while the others slept,

pero pola noite, mentres os demais durmían,

we kept walking the tightrope.

seguiamos a camiñar pola corda bamba.

It was practice, and yes, some of us fell.

Cousa de práctica, e si, algúns de nós caeron.

But I want to tell them that all of this

Pero quero dicirlles que todo isto

is just debris

é só entullo

left over when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought we used to be,

de cando ao fin decidimos esmagar o que pensabamos de nós mesmos,

and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself,

e se non podes ver nada fermoso sobre ti mesmo,

get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer,

consegue un espello mellor, mira máis preto, durante máis tempo,

because there's something inside you that made you keep trying

porque hai algo dentro de ti que te fixo seguir intentándoo

despite everyone who told you to quit.

malia todos os que dixeron: "abandona".

Cubriches de escaiola o teu corazón roto

You built a cast around your broken heart

and signed it yourself, "They were wrong."

e ti mesmo escribiches nela: "Eles equivocábanse".

Because maybe you didn't belong to a group or a clique.

Porque tal vez non pertencías ao grupo.

Maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything.

Quizais escollíante último para o baloncesto ou para todo.

Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth to show-and-tell, but never told,

Traías contusións e algún dente roto para mostrar na casa, e nunca o facías,

because how can you hold your ground

porque podes aguantar no teu terreo

if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it?

se todos ao teu redor te queren sepultar nel?

Tes que crer que estaban equivocados.

You have to believe that they were wrong.

They have to be wrong.

Teñen que estar equivocados.

Why else would we still be here?

Por que se non aínda iamos estar aquí?

We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog

Crecemos aprendendo a animar os indefensos

because we see ourselves in them.

porque nos recoñecemos neles.

We stem from a root planted in the belief

Partimos dunha raíz plantada na crenza

that we are not what we were called.

de que non somos o que nos chamaban.

We are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on some highway,

Non somos coches baleiros abandonados nalgunha cuneta,

and if in some way we are, don't worry.

e se o somos, non vos preocupedes.

We only got out to walk and get gas.

Só imos andando a por gasolina.

We are graduating members from the class of We Made It,

Estámonos a graduar como membros da clase "Lográmolo",

not the faded echoes of voices crying out,

non coma ecos de voces que choraban:

"Names will never hurt me."

"Os alcumes nunca me mancarán".

Of course they did.

Claro que o fixeron.

But our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act

Pero as nosas vidas seguirán sempre a ser un equilibrio

that has less to do with pain

que ten menos que ver coa dor

and more to do with beauty.

e máis que ver coa beleza.

(Applause)

(Aplausos)