How to manage your emotions

翻译人员: Yip Yan Yeung 校对人员: Gia Hwang

You and your friend need to ace Friday’s exam to avoid summer classes,

你和你的朋友必须搞定 周五的考试才能逃过暑期课程，

and after a week of studying, you both feel confident that you pulled it off.

学了一周以后， 你们都有信心能搞定。

But when you get your grades back,

但是拿到成绩后，

they’re much lower than the two of you expected.

发现比你们俩想的要低得多。

You’re devastated.

你崩溃了，

However, your friend doesn't seem too bothered,

但是你的朋友看起来若无其事，

and it's making you wonder why you can't shake this off like they can.

所以你在思考为什么 你不能像他/她这样把它视作浮云。

But should you really be trying to look on the bright side?

但是你真的得保持乐观吗？

And is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?

说到底，真的有可能控制情绪吗？

The answer to the last question is a definitive “yes.”

后面这个问题的答案就是“可以”。

There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions,

有很多策略可以帮助你管理情绪，

and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model.

有一个理解这些技巧的框架 称为“过程模式”，

Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene

心理学家利用这个工具判断 该在哪一个阶段、如何干预

in the process that forms our emotions.

形成情绪的过程。

That process has four steps:

这个过程有四步：

first, we enter a situation, real or imagined,

首先，我们会进入一个情境， 可以是真实或是虚构的，

and that draws our attention.

吸引了我们的注意。

Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation

然后我们会评估或评价这个情境，

and whether it helps or hinders our goals.

判断它是会帮助 还是阻碍我们达成目标。

Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave,

最终，这个评价会引起 我们感受、思考、行为的变化，

known as an emotional response.

即情绪反应。

Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene

这个过程的每一步都提供了 让你有意识地干预

and change our emotions,

和改变情绪的机会，

and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase.

过程模式描述了每个阶段 可以采取什么样的策略。

To see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been invited to the same party

如果要看实际的效果， 假设你受邀参与一个派对，

as your least-favorite ex and their new partner.

你最讨厌的前任和他/她的现任 也将出席。

Your first strategy could be avoiding the situation altogether

你可以采取的第一个策略为 干脆避免这种情况的发生，

by skipping the party.

直接不去这个派对。

But if you do attend, you could also try modifying the situation

但是如果你出席了， 你也可以试图扭转局面，

by choosing not to interact with your ex.

只要不和你的前任 有任何互动就可以了。

If that’s proving difficult, you might want to shift your attention,

如果这也很难， 你可以转移你的注意力，

maybe by playing a game with your friends

也许和你的朋友玩玩游戏，

rather than focusing on your ex’s new partner.

而不是死盯你前任的现任。

Another option would be to re-evaluate how you think about the situation.

另一个选项是重新评估 你对这个情况的看法。

After seriously reappraising things,

在慎重的重新评估之后，

you might realize that you don’t care who your ex dates.

你可能会发现你根本不在乎 你的前任在和谁谈恋爱。

If none of these strategies work,

如果这些策略都没有用，

you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact.

你可以在情况发生之后 试着缓和自己的情绪反应，

But this can be tricky.

但这有点棘手。

Many of the easiest ways to do this,

有很多简单的方式，

like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs,

比如隐藏自己的情绪， 或服用娱乐性药物改变情绪，

generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term.

通常会带来更负面的感受， 也会长期影响健康。

More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk,

更可持续的方法包括 长途步行、

taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system.

缓慢地深呼吸，或者 和你情绪支持系统中的某人聊一聊。

While using all these strategies well takes practice,

虽然你需要通过实践 充分利用这些策略，

learning to notice your emotions

但是学会关注自己的情绪、

and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle.

思考它们的来源 已经是成功的一半。

And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions,

只要你彻底把管理情绪 融为自己的一部分，

doing so becomes much easier.

那对你来说这就易如反掌了。

But should you use these techniques to constantly maintain a good mood?

但是你该不该利用这些技巧 一直保持好心情呢？

That answer depends on how you define what makes a mood “good.”

答案取决于 你如何定义“好”心情。

It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration,

你很有可能会觉得 我们总是得避免悲伤和沮丧，

but no emotion is inherently good or bad—

但是情绪本质上是没有好坏的——

they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation.

只是在不同的场合下 它们可能是有益或无益的。

For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one,

比如你的朋友告诉你 他/她失去了挚爱之人，

feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate,

这时，感受、表达悲伤 不仅仅是合适的，

it can help you empathize and support them.

还能让你与他/她感同身受， 为他/她提供支持。

Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions,

相对地，虽然总是 无视自己的情绪不太健康，

forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.

但为了忍耐一时的恼怒而假笑 是非常合理的。

We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions.

人们对情绪众说纷纭。

Some pressure us to stay upbeat

有些人逼迫我们要保持乐观，

while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come.

有些人告诉我们 情绪既来之，则安之，

But in reality, each person has to find their own balance.

但是实际情况是 每个人都得找到自己的平衡。

So if the question is: “should you always try to be happy?”

如果这么问： “你应该一直保持开心吗？”

The answer is no.

答案是“不应该”。

Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness

研究表明，一直保持开心状态的人

often experience secondary negative emotions,

通常会伴随着另一种负面情绪，

like guilt,

如因为感到沮丧 而产生的内疚和挫败感

or frustration over being upset,

and disappointment that they don't feel happier.

和因为无法感到更快乐 而带来的失望。

This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over.

这不代表你应该 沉浸于悲伤或愤怒中，

But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate

但是“重新审视”这样的策略 可以让你重新评估

your thoughts about a situation,

你对某种情况的想法，

allowing you to accept that you feel sad

让你接受自己可以感到悲伤，

and cultivate hope that things will get better.

也培养希望，相信事情会变得更好。