How to manage your emotions

譯者: 麗玲 辛 審譯者: Helen Chang

You and your friend need to ace Friday’s exam to avoid summer classes,

你和你的朋友必須在週五的考試 拿到高分，才能避免暑俢，

and after a week of studying, you both feel confident that you pulled it off.

在 K 了一星期的書後, 你們覺得很有信心過關。

But when you get your grades back,

但是當你們拿到成績時，

they’re much lower than the two of you expected.

分數比你們倆預期的要低得多。

You’re devastated.

你很沮喪。

However, your friend doesn't seem too bothered,

然而，你的朋友似乎並不太在意，

and it's making you wonder why you can't shake this off like they can.

這讓你百思不解 為什麼你不能像他們一樣不在乎。

But should you really be trying to look on the bright side?

然而你真得保持正向嗎？

And is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?

還有先是情緒能控制嗎？

The answer to the last question is a definitive “yes.”

最後一個問題的答案 是明確的「可以」。

There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions,

有很多調節情緒的策略，

and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model.

有一個理解這些技巧的框架， 稱為「歷程模式」。

Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene

心理學家使用此方法來辨識 從何干預以及如何干預

in the process that forms our emotions.

我們情緒的形成過程。

That process has four steps:

這個歷程有四個階段：

first, we enter a situation, real or imagined,

首先，我們進入一個 真實的或想像的情境，

and that draws our attention.

這情境引起我們的注意。

Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation

然後我們評判或評估情況，

and whether it helps or hinders our goals.

判斷它是會幫助或防礙我們的目標。

Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave,

最後，這項評估會導致我們感受、 思考和行為上一系列的變化，

known as an emotional response.

稱為情緒反應。

Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene

在這個歷程的每一階段， 我們都有機會有意識地干預

and change our emotions,

及改變我們的情緒，

and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase.

「歷程模式」概述了我們 在每個階段可以採取的策略。

To see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been invited to the same party

為了實際看到這些進程， 讓我們假設你獲邀參加一個聚會，

as your least-favorite ex and their new partner.

你最不喜歡的前任和他的新歡也參加。

Your first strategy could be avoiding the situation altogether

你的第一個策略可能是直接不去聚會， 以完全避免這種情況。

by skipping the party.

But if you do attend, you could also try modifying the situation

但如果你真的出席，你可能會選擇

不與你的前任互動來緩和情況。

by choosing not to interact with your ex.

If that’s proving difficult, you might want to shift your attention,

如果這很難做到， 你可以轉移你的注意力，

maybe by playing a game with your friends

也許是和你的朋友一起玩遊戲，

rather than focusing on your ex’s new partner.

而不是一直注意你前任的新歡。

Another option would be to re-evaluate how you think about the situation.

另一種選擇是重新評估 你對這種情況的看法。

After seriously reappraising things,

在認真地重新評估之後，

you might realize that you don’t care who your ex dates.

你可能會意識到你不在乎 你的前任跟誰談戀愛。

If none of these strategies work,

如果這些策略都不起作用，

you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact.

你也可以嘗試在事後 調節自己的情緒反應。

But this can be tricky.

但這可能很棘手。

Many of the easiest ways to do this,

許多最簡便的方法，

like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs,

比如隱藏你的情緒 或試圖用娛樂性藥物改變情緒，

generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term.

從長遠來看，通常會導致 更多的負面情緒和健康問題。

More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk,

較可永續的策略包括長距離散步、

taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system.

緩慢深呼吸或與支持系統中的人交談。

While using all these strategies well takes practice,

雖然要妥善使用這些策略需要練習，

learning to notice your emotions

但學會關注自己的情緒，

and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle.

並反思情緒的來源就是成功的一半。

And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions,

一旦你真正內化調節情緒的技巧，

doing so becomes much easier.

這樣做就會變得容易得多。

But should you use these techniques to constantly maintain a good mood?

但是，你應該使用這些技巧 來一直保持好心情嗎？

That answer depends on how you define what makes a mood “good.”

這個答案取決於 你如何定義「好」心情。

It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration,

人們很容易認為我們應該 盡量避免悲傷和沮喪，

but no emotion is inherently good or bad—

但沒有一種情緒本身是好是壞——

they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation.

情緒有益或無益， 取決於具體情況。

For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one,

例如，假設一個朋友 告訴你他失去深愛的人，

feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate,

感受悲傷、表達悲傷不僅是恰當的，

it can help you empathize and support them.

還可以幫助你同理、支持他。

Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions,

相反的，雖然經常忽視 自己的情緒是不健康的，

forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.

但勉強微笑來忍過一次惱怒 則是完全合理的。

We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions.

我們聽過很多關於情緒的矛盾信息。

Some pressure us to stay upbeat

有些人促使我們保持樂觀，

while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come.

而另一些人則告訴我們 情緒來臨時，就接納。

But in reality, each person has to find their own balance.

實際上，每個人都必須 找到自己的平衡點。

So if the question is: “should you always try to be happy?”

所以，如果問題是： 「你應該總是努力保持開心嗎？」

The answer is no.

答案是「不」。

Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness

研究顯示，固著追求幸福的人

often experience secondary negative emotions,

經常會經歷負面的繼發情緒，

like guilt,

例如，因為心情不好 而感到內疚或沮喪，

or frustration over being upset,

and disappointment that they don't feel happier.

以及因沒有感到更幸福而失望。

This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over.

這並不代表你應該 沈浸在悲傷或憤怒裏。

But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate

但「重新評估」這樣的策略可以幫助你

your thoughts about a situation,

再次衡量你對某個情況的想法，

allowing you to accept that you feel sad

允許你接納悲傷的感受，

and cultivate hope that things will get better.

並建立情況會好轉的希望。