How to manage your emotions

Translator: Man Kwok Reviewer: Aubrey Cheng

You and your friend need to ace Friday’s exam to avoid summer classes,

你同朋友需要考好禮拜五個試 先唔使返暑期班

and after a week of studying, you both feel confident that you pulled it off.

溫咗一個禮拜後， 自信十足嘅你哋都覺得會考得幾好

But when you get your grades back,

但當你收到成績嗰陣

they’re much lower than the two of you expected.

成績比你哋預期差

You’re devastated.

你徹底崩潰

However, your friend doesn't seem too bothered,

但朋友好似一切如常

and it's making you wonder why you can't shake this off like they can.

好自然你就會諗點解自己唔可以瀟灑面對

But should you really be trying to look on the bright side?

但你係咪應該試吓睇開啲呢？

And is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?

我哋又有冇可能去控制自己嘅情緒？

The answer to the last question is a definitive “yes.”

答案係「有可能嘅」

There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions,

調整情緒嘅策略有好多種

and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model.

「過濾模式」就係了解呢啲技巧嘅框架

Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene

心理學家用呢套技巧去確定幾時同點樣介入

in the process that forms our emotions.

我哋產生情緒嘅過程

That process has four steps:

個程序有四個步驟：

first, we enter a situation, real or imagined,

首先我哋會身處一個真實或者想像嘅情況

and that draws our attention.

會吸引到我哋嘅注意

Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation

隨後我哋會分析或評估情況

and whether it helps or hinders our goals.

睇吓究竟係幫到定阻住我哋實現目標

Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave,

最後，個評估會影響我哋嘅 感覺、思考同行為

known as an emotional response.

呢個就係「情感反應」

Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene

過程中嘅每一步都畀機會我哋自發去介入

and change our emotions,

繼而改變我哋嘅情感

and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase.

「過濾模式」能指出喺咩情況用咩策略

To see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been invited to the same party

舉個例，試諗吓：你獲邀參加一個聚會

as your least-favorite ex and their new partner.

同場仲有你最唔鍾意嘅前度同佢嘅新歡

Your first strategy could be avoiding the situation altogether

策略一：可能係避免同佢哋撞口撞臉

by skipping the party.

例如唔去呢個聚會

But if you do attend, you could also try modifying the situation

但如果你真係出席咗，不如試吓改變情況

by choosing not to interact with your ex.

試吓唔好同前任互動

If that’s proving difficult, you might want to shift your attention,

如果覺得好難，不如轉移吓你嘅注意力

maybe by playing a game with your friends

或者同你啲朋友一齊玩遊戲

rather than focusing on your ex’s new partner.

而唔係專注喺你前度嘅新歡

Another option would be to re-evaluate how you think about the situation.

另一種選擇係重新評估你會點睇呢種情況

After seriously reappraising things,

喺認真重新評估之後

you might realize that you don’t care who your ex dates.

會發覺其實你唔係太介意前度識咗的咩人

If none of these strategies work,

如果呢啲策略都冇乜用

you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact.

你隨時都可以試吓控制事後嘅情緒反應

But this can be tricky.

但呢個可以好好棘手

Many of the easiest ways to do this,

其中有較簡單嘅方法去做

like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs,

例如去隱藏或以精神藥物試圖去改變情緒

generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term.

但通常會導致更多負面情緒 同長期影響健康

More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk,

可持續嘅策略包括去散步、

taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system.

深呼吸或者同支持你嘅人去傾吓計

While using all these strategies well takes practice,

善用呢啲策略都需要反覆練習

learning to notice your emotions

去學識注意自己嘅情緒

and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle.

繼而反思自己點解有呢啲情緒 就係成功咗一半

And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions,

當你潛移默化咗就自然識得調節情緒

doing so becomes much easier.

情緒控制變得容易得多

But should you use these techniques to constantly maintain a good mood?

但你應該用呢啲技巧時刻保持好心情嗎？

That answer depends on how you define what makes a mood “good.”

噉要睇你點樣定義「好」心情係點樣形成

It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration,

我哋總係認為要盡量避免悲傷同沮喪

but no emotion is inherently good or bad—

但情緒本身冇分好壞

they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation.

只會因應情況睇吓幫唔幫到你

For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one,

例如，如果朋友話你知佢親人過咗身

feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate,

感受同表達悲傷唔單只適合

it can help you empathize and support them.

仲幫到你產生同理心去支持佢哋

Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions,

相反，經常忽略你嘅情緒係唔健康嘅

forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.

強顏歡笑噉去面對偶爾嘅煩惱係完全合理

We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions.

我哋聽到好多關於情緒嘅各種訊息

Some pressure us to stay upbeat

有啲會迫我哋保持樂觀

while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come.

而其他人會叫我哋由得情緒自然噉嚟

But in reality, each person has to find their own balance.

事實上，每個人都必須搵到自己嘅平衡

So if the question is: “should you always try to be happy?”

如果問你：「應唔應該努力保持快樂？」

The answer is no.

答案係「唔應該」

Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness

研究指出人類過於專注自己幸唔幸福

often experience secondary negative emotions,

會經常經歷二次負面情緒

like guilt,

例如內疚

or frustration over being upset,

或因心煩意亂而感到沮喪

and disappointment that they don't feel happier.

同埋因為覺得自己唔夠開心而失望

This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over.

噉唔代表你應該畀悲傷或憤怒去主導情緒

But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate

重新評估嘅策略可以幫你重新審視

your thoughts about a situation,

你對某種情況嘅諗法

allowing you to accept that you feel sad

令你接受自己覺得傷心

and cultivate hope that things will get better.

繼而培養對事情會變得更好嘅希望