There's more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith | TED

翻译人员: Dian LYU 校对人员: psjmz mz

I used to think

我曾经认为

the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness.

人生的意义便是追寻快乐。

Everyone said the path to happiness was success,

世人普遍认为 成功是通往幸福的道路，

so I searched for that ideal job,

因此我寻找理想的工作，

that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment.

完美的伴侣还有舒适的住处。

But instead of ever feeling fulfilled,

可我非但没有感到充实，

I felt anxious and adrift.

反而感到焦虑迷茫。

And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.

这种情况不止发生在我身上 ， 我身边的朋友也一样。

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology

最终我决定去研修 “积极心理学”，

to learn what truly makes people happy.

去研究什么才能让人们 感到真正幸福。

But what I discovered there changed my life.

我的成果改变了我的人生。

The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy.

数据显示一味寻求快乐 反而得不到快乐。

And what really struck me was this:

同时让我震惊的是：

the suicide rate has been rising around the world,

全球的自杀率都在上升，

and it recently reached a 30-year high in America.

最近美国的自杀率达到了 30年来的最高峰。

Even though life is getting objectively better

但事实上人们的生活水平

by nearly every conceivable standard,

在你能想到的领域上都有所提升，

more people feel hopeless,

越来越多的人感到绝望，

depressed and alone.

抑郁以及孤独。

There's an emptiness gnawing away at people,

即使你不是抑郁症患者， 也能感受到

and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it.

空虚感正侵蚀着我们的内心。

Sooner or later, I think we all wonder:

迟早，我们都会疑惑：

Is this all there is?

人生就是如此了吗？

And according to the research, what predicts this despair

研究显示造成这种绝望感的

is not a lack of happiness.

并不是生活缺乏快乐。

It's a lack of something else,

而是因为生命缺少了

a lack of having meaning in life.

人生的意义。

But that raised some questions for me.

因此我思索

Is there more to life than being happy?

人生除了快乐还有什么 更重要的事情？

And what's the difference between being happy

以及快乐的人生与

and having meaning in life?

有意义的人生有什么不同？

Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease,

很多心理学家把快乐定义为 一种安心舒适的状态，

feeling good in the moment.

在当下感到开心。

Meaning, though, is deeper.

意义则有更深的含义。

The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says

著名的心理学家马丁·赛里格曼认为

meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself

意义来源于归属和献身 高于自我的事物

and from developing the best within you.

还有塑造最好的自己。

Our culture is obsessed with happiness,

我们的文化醉心于寻求快乐，

but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path.

但我意识到寻求意义更 能让你有满足感。

And the studies show that people who have meaning in life,

研究显示有意义的人生

they're more resilient,

让人更变得更坚毅，

they do better in school and at work,

在学业和事业上更成功，

and they even live longer.

寿命也更长。

So this all made me wonder:

这一切都让我思考：

How can we each live more meaningfully?

如何才能让人生更有意义？

To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people

为了找出答案， 我在五年间采访了几百余人

and reading through thousands of pages of psychology,

并翻阅了浩海如烟的心理学，

neuroscience and philosophy.

神经系统学和哲学文献。

Bringing it all together,

经过所有这些努力，

I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life.

我发现构成有意义的人生 需要四大支柱。

And we can each create lives of meaning

只要我们能构建全部 或部分支柱。

by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.

我们所有人都能拥有 有意义的人生。

The first pillar is belonging.

第一大支柱便是：归属感。

Belonging comes from being in relationships

归属感来源于人际关系中

where you're valued for who you are intrinsically

你的内在价值在哪里，

and where you value others as well.

以及同时你对别人的价值认可。

But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging;

但某些组织和人际关系 给予廉价的归属感；

you're valued for what you believe,

你的价值在于你的信仰，

for who you hate,

在于你讨厌谁，

not for who you are.

而不是你是谁。

True belonging springs from love.

真正的归属感来源于爱。

It lives in moments among individuals,

它时时刻刻都萦绕在你身边，

and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.

这是个选择——你可以选择 跟谁培养归属感。

Here's an example.

举一个例子。

Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper

我的朋友乔纳森每天都在 纽约同一家

from the same street vendor in New York.

小店里买报纸。

They don't just conduct a transaction, though.

他和店主不止是商业交易。

They take a moment to slow down, talk,

他们会花点时间聊聊天，

and treat each other like humans.

很亲切地对待对方。

But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change,

有一次乔纳森没有零钱，

and the vendor said,

店主就说，

"Don't worry about it."

“没事，不用付了”

But Jonathan insisted on paying,

但乔纳森坚持付钱，

so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need

为了换零钱他去店里买了些

to make change.

他不用的东西。

But when he gave the money to the vendor,

当他把钱给店主的时候，

the vendor drew back.

店主拒绝了。

He was hurt.

他心里很受伤。

He was trying to do something kind,

他本想慷慨对人，

but Jonathan had rejected him.

但乔纳森拒绝了他的好意。

I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it.

我想我们都会在无意中伤害他人。

I do.

我也如此。

I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them.

我有时撞见我认识的人却没打招呼。

I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me.

有时候我在别人和我说话时看手机。

These acts devalue others.

这种做法贬低了他人。

They make them feel invisible and unworthy.

让他们觉得自己没有存在感和价值。

But when you lead with love, you create a bond

但当你用爱联系他人，你建立的纽带

that lifts each of you up.

就激励了你们双方。

For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning,

对很多人来说，归属感是人生意义的 最重要来源，

those bonds to family and friends.

那些与家人和朋友的纽带。

For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose.

而对其他人而言，意义的关键来源 的第二大支柱是：人生目的。

Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing

找到人生目的

as finding that job that makes you happy.

和找到让你快乐的工作不一样。

Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give.

人生目的并不在于你所得 而在于你所给。

A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people.

一位医院的管理员说他的人生目的 就是治愈病患。

Many parents tell me,

很多家长会说人生目的是

"My purpose is raising my children."

“养育自己的孩子”。

The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others.

人生目的意味着尽自己的能力去 帮助他人。

Of course, for many of us, that happens through work.

当然对很多人来说，我们通过工作 来实现人生目的。

That's how we contribute and feel needed.

这是我们的贡献，也是感到被需要的方式。

But that also means that issues like disengagement at work,

但这也同时说明工作中的疏离问题，

unemployment,

失业，

low labor force participation --

低劳动参与率——

these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too.

不仅是经济问题也是 关乎生死存亡的问题。

Without something worthwhile to do,

没有值得做的事情，

people flounder.

人们就会陷入困境。

Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work,

当然不一定非得做份 满足人生目的工作，

but purpose gives you something to live for,

但目的给了你活着的意义，

some "why" that drives you forward.

这些“为什么”能让你坚持走下去。

The third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself,

第三大支柱同样跟超越自我有关。

but in a completely different way:

但方式完全不一样

transcendence.

那就是超验。

Transcendent states are those rare moments

超验的状态非常罕有，

when you're lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life,

那一刻你忘却了日常中的繁琐喧嚣，

your sense of self fades away,

进入忘我的状态，

and you feel connected to a higher reality.

你感到自己与更高 的真实世界相连。

For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeing art.

我聊过的某个人说他欣赏艺术时 便会进入超验状态。

For another person, it was at church.

另一个说进入教堂时会如此。

For me, I'm a writer, and it happens through writing.

对我来说，作为作家， 这会发生在我写作时。

Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place.

有时候我太投入了，以致忘记时间流逝， 忘记身处何处。

These transcendent experiences can change you.

这些超验的体验能真的改变你。

One study had students look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees

有个让学生们仰视200英尺 （约61米）的桉树

for one minute.

一分钟的实验。

But afterwards they felt less self-centered,

在这之后，他们会感到更少的自我，

and they even behaved more generously

有机会帮助他人时

when given the chance to help someone.

会变得更慷慨。

Belonging, purpose, transcendence.

归属感，人生目的，超验。

Now, the fourth pillar of meaning, I've found,

第四个构成意义的支柱，

tends to surprise people.

让人意想不到。

The fourth pillar is storytelling,

那就是讲故事。

the story you tell yourself about yourself.

向自己讲述自己的故事。

Creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity.

从生活事件中提炼出故事 让你更加清晰。

It helps you understand how you became you.

帮助你理解你如何成为你自己。

But we don't always realize that we're the authors of our stories

人们总是忽视我们是故事的作者，

and can change the way we're telling them.

可以改变讲故事的方式。

Your life isn't just a list of events.

人生不只是一连串事件。

You can edit, interpret and retell your story,

虽然发生的事情不可改变，

even as you're constrained by the facts.

但你可以编辑、解释和复述你的故事。

I met a young man named Emeka, who'd been paralyzed playing football.

我曾遇到一个叫艾马卡的年轻人 他因打橄榄球而受伤瘫痪了。

After his injury, Emeka told himself,

他受伤后不断告诉自己，

"My life was great playing football,

“我曾经是打橄榄球的好手，

but now look at me."

可你看看我现在的样子。“

People who tell stories like this --

人们经常用这样的基调讲故事——

"My life was good. Now it's bad." --

“我生活曾经美满，现在很糟糕。”

tend to be more anxious and depressed.

这样只会让人更焦躁和抑郁。

And that was Emeka for a while.

艾马卡过去有一阵就这样子。

But with time, he started to weave a different story.

但一段时间后，他开始 讲述不一样的故事。

His new story was,

他的新故事是：

"Before my injury, my life was purposeless.

”我受伤前，人生并没有什么目的 。

I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy.

我整日游乐，十分自私。

But my injury made me realize I could be a better man."

受伤后我意识到我可以 变成更好的自己。”

That edit to his story changed Emeka's life.

这样的讲述改变了他的生活。

After telling the new story to himself,

在重述了自己的故事后，

Emeka started mentoring kids,

他开始指导孩子们，

and he discovered what his purpose was:

并且还发现了自己的人生目的是：

serving others.

帮助他人。

The psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a "redemptive story,"

心理学家丹·麦克亚当把这种行为 叫做“救赎性故事”，

where the bad is redeemed by the good.

用好的来救赎不好的。

People leading meaningful lives, he's found,

他发现，过着有意义人生的人

tend to tell stories about their lives

说的故事通常都是

defined by redemption, growth and love.

由救赎、成长、爱来定义的。

But what makes people change their stories?

是什么让人们改变了 他们的故事？

Some people get help from a therapist,

有些人从心理疗师那得到了帮助，

but you can do it on your own, too,

但你也可以完全依靠自己。

just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully,

只需仔细地反思你的生活，

how your defining experiences shaped you,

那些塑造你的经历，

what you lost, what you gained.

你所失去和你所得到的东西。

That's what Emeka did.

艾马卡就是这么做的。

You won't change your story overnight;

你不可能一夜之间 改变自己的故事。

it could take years and be painful.

这可能要经历多年的痛苦挣扎。

After all, we've all suffered, and we all struggle.

毕竟，我们都经历过 苦难，都挣扎过。

But embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom,

但接纳这些痛苦的回忆会让 我们有新的见解和智慧，

to finding that good that sustains you.

去找到支撑你的好东西。

Belonging, purpose, transcendence, storytelling:

归属感，人生目的，超验，讲故事：

those are the four pillars of meaning.

这就是构成有意义人生的四大支柱。

When I was younger,

当我还小时，

I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars.

我很幸运地被所有的四大支柱围绕。

My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse from our home in Montreal.

我父母在蒙特利尔的家 开了个苏非派礼拜堂。

Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes

苏非主义是一种与诗人鲁米 和苦行有关的

and the poet Rumi.

心灵修炼。

Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home

苏菲教徒们每周两次来到我家

to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories.

冥想，喝波斯茶，分享故事。

Their practice also involved serving all of creation

他们的修行还包括做微小的善事

through small acts of love,

来帮助世间万物，

which meant being kind even when people wronged you.

这意味着即使别人误解你， 你也要善良对人。

But it gave them a purpose: to rein in the ego.

这给他们了人生目的：约束自我。

Eventually, I left home for college

最后，我离家去读大学，

and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life,

并且日常生活中没有了苏非主义，

I felt unmoored.

我感到生活没了重心。

And I started searching for those things that make life worth living.

于是我开始寻找如何过有意义的人生。

That's what set me on this journey.

这样我才开始了这段人生旅途。

Looking back, I now realize

回首过去，我意识到

that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning.

苏非礼拜堂充盈着真的的文化意义。

The pillars were part of the architecture,

这些支柱是结构的一部分，

and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply.

这些支柱的存在帮助 我们更深入生活。

Of course, the same principle applies

当然这样的法则也适用于

in other strong communities as well --

其他强大的组织——

good ones and bad ones.

好的或坏的组织。

Gangs, cults:

黑帮，邪教：

these are cultures of meaning that use the pillars

它们同样提供了文化上的意义支柱，

and give people something to live and die for.

给了人们为之生，为之死的东西。

But that's exactly why we as a society

因此社会更应该

must offer better alternatives.

给予更好的替代。

We need to build these pillars within our families and our institutions

我们应该在我们的家庭和机构里 建设这些有意义的支柱，

to help people become their best selves.

来让人们成为最好的自己。

But living a meaningful life takes work.

但要过有意义的人生需要努力。

It's an ongoing process.

这是一个连续不断的过程。

As each day goes by, we're constantly creating our lives,

每天我们都在书写自己的人生，

adding to our story.

加入新的故事。

And sometimes we can get off track.

有时我们会偏离正轨。

Whenever that happens to me,

每当那发生在我身上时，

I remember a powerful experience I had with my father.

我会回想我与父亲间 的一个重要谈话。

Several months after I graduated from college,

就在我大学毕业几个月后，

my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him.

我的父亲心脏病发作，这差点让他离世。

He survived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind

但他活下来了，之后我问他面临死亡时

as he faced death,

他在想什么，

he said all he could think about was needing to live

他说他满脑子想的都是活下去，

so he could be there for my brother and me,

这样才能陪在我哥哥和我身边，

and this gave him the will to fight for life.

这给了他努力活下去的信念。

When he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery,

当他被麻醉进行紧急手术的时候，

instead of counting backwards from 10,

他不是倒念10，而是重复

he repeated our names like a mantra.

我和哥哥的名字当做祷语。

He wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth

如果他死了，他希望我们的名字

if he died.

是他最后的话语。

My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi.

我父亲是一个木匠和苏非教徒。

It's a humble life,

过着谦卑的生活，

but a good life.

但也是一个美好的生活。

Lying there facing death, he had a reason to live:

当面对死亡时，他有活下去的理由：

love.

爱。

His sense of belonging within his family,

他对家里的归属感，

his purpose as a dad,

他作为父亲的人生目的，

his transcendent meditation, repeating our names --

他念我们的名字时的超验冥想——

these, he says, are the reasons why he survived.

他说这就是他活下来的原因。

That's the story he tells himself.

他就是这样讲述自己故事的。

That's the power of meaning.

这就是人生意义的力量。

Happiness comes and goes.

快乐来来去去。

But when life is really good

当生活一切顺利，

and when things are really bad,

或者遭遇不幸时，

having meaning gives you something to hold on to.

有意义会让你坚持下去。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）