There's more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 易帆 余

I used to think

我以前認為

the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness.

人生的目標就是追求快樂。

Everyone said the path to happiness was success,

人人都說，成功是通往快樂的路，

so I searched for that ideal job,

所以我去尋找理想的工作、

that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment.

完美的男友、漂亮的公寓。

But instead of ever feeling fulfilled,

但我沒有感到圓滿，

I felt anxious and adrift.

反而覺得焦慮跟漫無目的。

And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.

且不只有我這樣；我的朋友們── 他們也有這種困擾。

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology

我最後決定去研究所讀正向心理學，

to learn what truly makes people happy.

去找出什麼能讓人開心。

But what I discovered there changed my life.

但我在那兒的發現， 改變了我的人生。

The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy.

資料顯示，追求快樂會讓人不快樂。

And what really struck me was this:

真正讓我震驚的是這點：

the suicide rate has been rising around the world,

全球的自殺率不斷攀升，

and it recently reached a 30-year high in America.

最近在美國達到三十年來的新高。

Even though life is getting objectively better

雖然客觀來說，生活變好了，

by nearly every conceivable standard,

從每個能想到的標準來看皆是如此，

more people feel hopeless,

卻有更多人感到無助、

depressed and alone.

沮喪、及孤獨。

There's an emptiness gnawing away at people,

有一種空虛感在侵蝕人們，

and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it.

並不需被臨床診斷出沮喪 也能感覺到這個現象。

Sooner or later, I think we all wonder:

我想，遲早我們都會想要知道：

Is this all there is?

難道就只有這樣而已嗎？

And according to the research, what predicts this despair

根據研究，絕望的原因

is not a lack of happiness.

並不是缺乏快樂，

It's a lack of something else,

而是缺乏某樣東西，

a lack of having meaning in life.

是缺乏人生意義。

But that raised some questions for me.

但這就讓我產生了一些問題。

Is there more to life than being happy?

難道人生不只是要快樂嗎？

And what's the difference between being happy

活得快樂和活得有意義

and having meaning in life?

之間有什麼差別？

Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease,

許多心理學家把快樂定義為 一種舒服自在的狀態，

feeling good in the moment.

在當下感覺很好。

Meaning, though, is deeper.

而意義則更深。

The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says

知名心理學家馬丁賽里格曼說，

meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself

意義來自歸屬感、致力於 超越自我之外的事物，

and from developing the best within you.

以及從內在發展出最好的自己。

Our culture is obsessed with happiness,

我們的文化對「快樂」相當癡迷，

but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path.

但我發現，尋找意義才是 更讓人滿足的道路。

And the studies show that people who have meaning in life,

且研究指出，有人生意義的人

they're more resilient,

適應力也會比較強，

they do better in school and at work,

他們在學校及職場的表現較佳，

and they even live longer.

他們甚至活得比較久。

So this all made me wonder:

所以這一切讓我開始想，

How can we each live more meaningfully?

我們每個人要如何活得有意義？

To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people

為了找出答案，我花了五年時間，

訪談了數百人，

and reading through thousands of pages of psychology,

閱讀了數千頁的心理學、

neuroscience and philosophy.

神經科學、及哲學。

Bringing it all together,

把這些彙整起來，我發現了一件事，

I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life.

我稱之為「人生意義的四大支柱」。

And we can each create lives of meaning

我們可以彼此相互建立起這些支柱，

by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.

在彼此的人生中找到人生的意義。

The first pillar is belonging.

第一根支柱是歸屬感。

Belonging comes from being in relationships

歸屬感來自於一種關係，

where you're valued for who you are intrinsically

一種你與他人在本質上 彼此是否處在

and where you value others as well.

相互珍惜的關係中。

But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging;

但有些群體或關係， 提供的是廉價形式的歸屬感；

you're valued for what you believe,

你被重視的原因 是因為你所相信的事物、

for who you hate,

你對人的好惡、

not for who you are.

而不是你的本質。

True belonging springs from love.

真正的歸屬感源自於愛。

It lives in moments among individuals,

它存在於個體間共處的時光當中，

and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.

且它是一種選擇── 你可以選擇與他人培養歸屬感。

Here's an example.

舉例來說，

Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper

每天早晨，我在紐約的朋友強納森

都會向同一個街頭小販買一份報紙。

from the same street vendor in New York.

They don't just conduct a transaction, though.

不過，他們並不是只有交易的關係。

They take a moment to slow down, talk,

他們會停下來，花點時間說說話，

and treat each other like humans.

把彼此當朋友對待。

But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change,

但有一次，強納森的零錢不夠，

and the vendor said,

小販說：

"Don't worry about it."

「沒關係不用了啦。」

But Jonathan insisted on paying,

但強納森堅持要付錢，

so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need

所以他去一家店， 買了他不需要的東西，

to make change.

把鈔票找開。

But when he gave the money to the vendor,

但當他把錢給小販時，

the vendor drew back.

小販退縮了。

He was hurt.

他感到受傷。

He was trying to do something kind,

他試著想表現友好，

but Jonathan had rejected him.

但強納森拒絕了他。

I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it.

我想，我們都曾像這樣在小地方 拒絕別人卻沒有意識到。

I do.

我就有過。

I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them.

我會從認識的人旁邊走過， 卻沒跟他們打招呼。

I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me.

當有人在跟我說話時，我會看手機。

These acts devalue others.

這類行為是在貶低別人的價值，

They make them feel invisible and unworthy.

讓他們覺得自己是 隱形的、不值得的。

But when you lead with love, you create a bond

但若用愛來引導， 你就會創造出一種聯結，

that lifts each of you up.

讓你們彼此都振奮起來。

For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning,

對很多人來說，歸屬感是 人生意義的重要來源，

those bonds to family and friends.

就是與家人及朋友之間的聯結。

For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose.

對其他人來說， 第二根人生意義的支柱是目的。

Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing

找到你的目的並不是指找到

as finding that job that makes you happy.

讓你快樂的工作。

Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give.

目的的重點是你能給予什麼， 而不是你想要什麼。

A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people.

一位醫院管理員告訴我， 她的目的是治癒生病的人。

Many parents tell me,

很多家長告訴我：

"My purpose is raising my children."

「我的目的是扶養我的孩子。」

The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others.

目標的關鍵在於 用你的力量去服務他人。

Of course, for many of us, that happens through work.

當然，對很多人而言， 這是透過工作來達成的。

That's how we contribute and feel needed.

那是我們做出貢獻和 感到被需要的方式。

But that also means that issues like disengagement at work,

但這也意味著，像是 無心工作、失業、

unemployment,

low labor force participation --

低勞動參與率等等議題──

these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too.

這些不僅是經濟問題， 也是存在主義問題。

Without something worthwhile to do,

人們若沒有值得去做的事，

people flounder.

就會掙扎折騰。

Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work,

當然，你不需要從工作中找到目的，

but purpose gives you something to live for,

但目的能讓你有活下去的意義，

some "why" that drives you forward.

有驅使你向前行的「理由」。

The third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself,

第三根人生意義的支柱， 也和走出自我有關，

but in a completely different way:

但用的方式完全不同：

transcendence.

超然。

Transcendent states are those rare moments

超然的狀態是很少見的時刻，

when you're lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life,

在這個時刻中，你超脫了 日常生活的喧囂擾攘，

your sense of self fades away,

自我感正在漸漸消褪，

and you feel connected to a higher reality.

你會感覺到和更高的現實產生連結。

For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeing art.

跟我談過的其中一個人說， 超然來自於欣賞藝術。

For another person, it was at church.

另一個人則認為，超然是在教堂中。

For me, I'm a writer, and it happens through writing.

對我來說，我是作家， 而超然是透過寫作發生的。

Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place.

有時候我太投入 會有一種忘我的境界。

These transcendent experiences can change you.

這些超然的經驗能改變你。

One study had students look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees

有一項研究是讓學生去看 200 英呎高的尤加利樹，

for one minute.

看一分鐘，

But afterwards they felt less self-centered,

之後他們會比較不自我中心，

and they even behaved more generously

若給他們機會去幫助別人，

when given the chance to help someone.

他們連行為都會變得更慷慨。

Belonging, purpose, transcendence.

歸屬感、目的、超然。

Now, the fourth pillar of meaning, I've found,

接著談談我發現的第四根支柱，

tends to surprise people.

它常會令人感到驚訝。

The fourth pillar is storytelling,

第四根支柱就是說故事，

the story you tell yourself about yourself.

你告訴你自己關於你自己的故事。

Creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity.

用你人生中的事件來創造 一個故事，能讓你看得更清楚。

It helps you understand how you became you.

它能協助你了解你是怎麼變成你的。

But we don't always realize that we're the authors of our stories

但我們通常沒發現， 我們故事的作者就是自己，

and can change the way we're telling them.

且我們可以改變說故事的方式。

Your life isn't just a list of events.

你的生命並不只一連串的事件。

You can edit, interpret and retell your story,

即便你被事實給限制住， 你仍可以編輯、

even as you're constrained by the facts.

詮釋、再重新述說你的故事。

I met a young man named Emeka, who'd been paralyzed playing football.

我遇到一位叫做埃梅卡的年輕人， 他因為打美式足球而癱瘓。

After his injury, Emeka told himself,

埃梅卡在受傷後， 內心的對話是這樣的：

"My life was great playing football,

「我打美式足球的人生是非常棒的，

but now look at me."

但看看現在的我。」

People who tell stories like this --

像這樣說故事的人──

"My life was good. Now it's bad." --

「我的人生曾經很棒， 現在卻很糟。」──

tend to be more anxious and depressed.

說這種故事的人 比較容易焦慮和沮喪。

And that was Emeka for a while.

埃梅卡有好一陣子就是這樣。

But with time, he started to weave a different story.

但隨時間過去，他開始 編造一個不同的故事。

His new story was,

他的新故事是：

"Before my injury, my life was purposeless.

「在我受傷前，我的人生沒有目的。

I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy.

我常去派對，且我是個很自私的人。

But my injury made me realize I could be a better man."

但受傷讓我明白， 我可以成為更好的人。」

That edit to his story changed Emeka's life.

埃梅卡把他的故事進行改造， 從而改變了他的一生。

After telling the new story to himself,

在對自己說完這個新故事之後，

Emeka started mentoring kids,

埃梅卡開始開導孩童，

and he discovered what his purpose was:

他找到了他的目的：

serving others.

服務他人。

The psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a "redemptive story,"

心理學家丹麥亞當斯稱這 現象為「救贖的故事」，

where the bad is redeemed by the good.

用好的來救贖不好的。

People leading meaningful lives, he's found,

他發現，過著有意義人生的人，

tend to tell stories about their lives

他們說的故事內容通常都是

defined by redemption, growth and love.

他們的人生由救贖、 成長、愛來定義。

But what makes people change their stories?

但，是什麼讓人們 改變了他們的故事？

Some people get help from a therapist,

有些人向治療師尋求協助，

but you can do it on your own, too,

但你也可以靠自己做到，

just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully,

只要完整地反思你的人生、

how your defining experiences shaped you,

你的關鍵經驗如何造就了你、

what you lost, what you gained.

你失去了什麼、獲得了什麼。

That's what Emeka did.

那就是埃梅卡所做的。

You won't change your story overnight;

你不可能一夜就改變你的故事；

it could take years and be painful.

過程可能要花好幾年，且很痛苦。

After all, we've all suffered, and we all struggle.

畢竟，我們都曾受過苦， 也都在掙扎。

But embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom,

但擁抱那些痛苦的記憶， 能帶來新的洞見與智慧，

to finding that good that sustains you.

讓你能找到那支撐著你的「善」。

Belonging, purpose, transcendence, storytelling:

歸屬感、目的、超然、說故事；

those are the four pillars of meaning.

這些就是意義的四大支柱。

When I was younger,

在我小時候，

I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars.

我很幸運能夠被 這四根支柱給圍繞著。

My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse from our home in Montreal.

我父母在蒙特婁的家附近 開一間蘇菲派的聚會所。

Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes

蘇菲教派是一種和 旋轉苦行僧及詩人魯米

and the poet Rumi.

有關的靈修。

Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home

每週兩次，蘇菲教徒會到我們家裡，

to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories.

來冥想、喝波斯茶、分享故事。

Their practice also involved serving all of creation

他們的修行也涉及了 要透過愛的小舉動，

through small acts of love,

來為萬物服務，

which meant being kind even when people wronged you.

也就是說，即使別人冤枉你， 也要仁慈以對。

But it gave them a purpose: to rein in the ego.

但那給了他們一個目的： 去駕馭自我。

Eventually, I left home for college

最後，我離開家去讀大學，

and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life,

我的人生中少了蘇菲教徒 每天的基礎練習，

I felt unmoored.

感覺像是船的纜繩被解開。

And I started searching for those things that make life worth living.

我開始尋找有什麼 能讓我的人生值得活。

That's what set me on this journey.

就是這個原因讓我踩上這段旅程。

Looking back, I now realize

現在回頭看，我發現

that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning.

那間蘇菲房舍有著一種 有意義的真實文化。

The pillars were part of the architecture,

那些支柱是建築的一部份，

and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply.

而支柱的出現，讓我們都能 過更有深度的生活。

Of course, the same principle applies

當然，同樣的原則也適用於

in other strong communities as well --

其他強大的社群──

good ones and bad ones.

好的和壞的都包含在內。

Gangs, cults:

幫派、邪教：

these are cultures of meaning that use the pillars

這些也是有意義的文化，

它們利用這些支柱， 給予人們活著和犧牲的意義。

and give people something to live and die for.

But that's exactly why we as a society

但那就是為什麼， 我們身為一個社會，

must offer better alternatives.

必須要提供更好的替代方案。

We need to build these pillars within our families and our institutions

我們需要在我們的家庭及 習俗制度當中建立這些支柱，

to help people become their best selves.

來協助人們變成最好的自己。

But living a meaningful life takes work.

但一定要花心力， 才能讓人生過得有意義。

It's an ongoing process.

它是一個持續的過程。

As each day goes by, we're constantly creating our lives,

隨著每一天過去， 我們不斷地創造我們的人生，

adding to our story.

擴增我們的故事。

And sometimes we can get off track.

有時，我們可能會誤入歧途。

Whenever that happens to me,

每當我遇到這狀況時，

I remember a powerful experience I had with my father.

我會想起我與父親的一段經歷， 很有影響力的經歷。

Several months after I graduated from college,

我從大學畢業後幾個月，

my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him.

我父親罹患了嚴重的心臟病， 本來他應該性命難保。

He survived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind

他活下來了，我問他， 當他在面對死亡時，

as he faced death,

腦中想著的是什麼，

he said all he could think about was needing to live

他說，他唯一能想的， 就是必須活下來，

so he could be there for my brother and me,

這樣他才能陪伴我弟弟和我，

and this gave him the will to fight for life.

這點讓他有意志力能拼命活下來。

When he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery,

當他被麻醉準備接受緊急手術時，

instead of counting backwards from 10,

他做的不是從 10 開始倒數，

he repeated our names like a mantra.

他把我們的名字像祈禱文般地覆頌。

He wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth

如果他會死，他希望他 在世上說的最後幾個字

if he died.

是我們的名字。

My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi.

我的父親是個木匠也是個蘇菲教徒。

It's a humble life,

他的人生是謙恭的人生，

but a good life.

但很美好的人生。

Lying there facing death, he had a reason to live:

躺在那裡，面對死亡， 他有一個活下去的理由：

love.

愛。

His sense of belonging within his family,

他在他的家庭中的歸屬感、

his purpose as a dad,

他身為一名父親的目的、

his transcendent meditation, repeating our names --

他超然的冥想， 不斷覆頌我們的名字──

these, he says, are the reasons why he survived.

他說，這些是他活下來的原因。

That's the story he tells himself.

那是他告訴他自己的故事。

That's the power of meaning.

那就是意義的力量。

Happiness comes and goes.

快樂來來去去。

But when life is really good

但當人生真的很美好時，

and when things are really bad,

當事情真的很糟糕時，

having meaning gives you something to hold on to.

若人生有意義，你就會有 可以緊緊抓住的東西。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）