Love, no matter what | Andrew Solomon

Translator: Timothy Covell Reviewer: Morton Bast

Translator: Anton Marci Reviewer: Simona Vesela

"Even in purely nonreligious terms,

"Aj v čisto nenáboženských termínoch,

homosexualita predstavuje zneužitie sexuálnej schopnosti.

homosexuality represents a misuse of the sexual faculty.

It is a pathetic little second-rate substitute for reality --

Je to patetická, malá a druhoradá náhrada pre realitu --

a pitiable flight from life.

poľutovaniahodný úlet zo života.

A ako taká si nezasluhuje súcit,

As such, it deserves no compassion,

it deserves no treatment as minority martyrdom,

nezasluhuje si liečbu

ako menšinové mučeníctvo,

a nezasluhuje si byť považovaná za nič iné ako zhubnú chorobu."

and it deserves not to be deemed anything but a pernicious sickness."

That's from "Time" magazine in 1966, when I was three years old.

To je z časopisu Time z roku 1966, keď som mal tri roky.

A v predchádzajúcom roku, prezident USA

And last year, the president of the United States

came out in favor of gay marriage.

vystúpil na podporu manželstiev gejov.

(Applause)

(Potlesk)

A moja otázka teda znie, ako sme sa dostali od tadiaľ sem.

And my question is:

How did we get from there to here?

How did an illness become an identity?

Ako sa choroba stala identitou?

When I was perhaps six years old,

Napríklad, keď som mal 6 rokov,

I went to a shoe store with my mother and my brother.

šiel som do obuvy s mojou mamou a bratom.

And at the end of buying our shoes,

Na konci nákupu topánok,

the salesman said to us that we could each have a balloon to take home.

obchodník povedal, že každý z nás si môže domov zobrať balón.

My brother wanted a red balloon,

Môj brat chcel červený balón a ja som chcel ružový.

and I wanted a pink balloon.

Moja mama povedala, že si myslela, že si vyberiem modrý.

My mother said that she thought I'd really rather have a blue balloon.

(Laughter)

Ja som však povedal, že chcem určite ružový.

But I said that I definitely wanted the pink one.

A ona mi pripomenula, že moja obľúbená farba je modrá.

And she reminded me that my favorite color was blue.

The fact that my favorite color now is blue, but I'm still gay --

Fakt, že moja obľúbená farba je teraz modrá, ale som stále gej --

(Laughter)

(Smiech) --

is evidence of both my mother's influence

je dôkazom oboch, vplyvu mojej mamy a jeho limitov.

and its limits.

(Laughter)

(Smiech)

(Applause)

(Potlesk)

When I was little, my mother used to say,

Keď som bol malý, moja mama hovorievala:

"The love you have for your children is like no other feeling in the world.

"Láska k vlastným deťom nie je ako žiaden iný cit na svete.

A dokým nemáš deti, nevieš aké to je."

And until you have children, you don't know what it's like."

V tom veku som to bral ako najväčší kompliment na svete,

And when I was little, I took it as the greatest compliment in the world

that she would say that about parenting my brother and me.

že toto hovorí o výchove môjho brata a mňa.

And when I was an adolescent, I thought, "But I'm gay,

Keď som bol v puberte, myslel som,

že keď som gej, pravdepodobne nebudem môcť mať rodinu.

and so I probably can't have a family."

And when she said it, it made me anxious.

Keď to povedala, zmocnila sa ma úzkosť.

And after I came out of the closet,

Potom, čo som sa priznal k svojej orientácii

a ona to hovorila ďalej, bol som zúrivý.

when she continued to say it, it made me furious.

I said, "I'm gay. That's not the direction that I'm headed in.

Povedal som: "Som gej a to nie je cesta, ktorou sa budem uberať

And I want you to stop saying that."

a chem, aby si to prestala hovoriť."

About 20 years ago,

Pred asi 20 rokmi, ma editori NY Times časopisu požiadali

I was asked by my editors at the "New York Times Magazine"

to write a piece about Deaf culture.

napísať článok o kultúre hluchých.

And I was rather taken aback.

Bol som zaskočený.

I had thought of deafness entirely as an illness:

Myslel som o hluchote celkom ako o chorobe.

those poor people, they couldn't hear,

Tí úbohí ľudia, ktorí nepočujú.

they lacked hearing, and what could we do for them?

Nemohli počuť, čo sme mohli pre nich urobiť?

And then I went out into the Deaf world.

A potom som šiel do sveta hluchých.

I went to Deaf clubs.

Šiel som do klubov pre hluchých.

I saw performances of Deaf theater and of Deaf poetry.

Videl som vystúpenia divadiel pre hluchých a poézie pre hluchých.

Dokonca som šiel na súťaž Miss Hluchá Amerika v Nashville v Tennessee,

I even went to the Miss Deaf America contest in Nashville, Tennessee,

where people complained about that slurry Southern signing.

kde sa ľudia hádali o hroznom južanskom škrabopise.

(Smiech)

(Laughter)

A ako som sa ponáral stále hlbšie do sveta hluchých,

And as I plunged deeper and deeper into the Deaf world,

presvedčil som sa, že hluchota je kultúra

I became convinced that Deafness was a culture

a ľudia vo svete hluchých, ktorí povedali:

and that the people in the Deaf world who said,

"We don't lack hearing; we have membership in a culture,"

"Nechýba nám schopnosť počuť, patríme do kúltúry",

were saying something that was viable.

hovorili niečo naozaj pravdivé.

It wasn't my culture,

Nebola to moja kultúra,

and I didn't particularly want to rush off and join it,

a nechcel som sa k nej hneď pripojiť,

but I appreciated that it was a culture

ale ocenil som, že to kultúra bola

and that for the people who were members of it,

a pre ľudí, ktorí sú jej členmi,

it felt as valuable as Latino culture or gay culture or Jewish culture.

mala rovnakú hodnotu ako Latino kultúra alebo gej kultúra alebo židovská kultúra.

It felt as valid, perhaps, even as American culture.

Bola presvedčivá dokonca rovnako ako americká kultúra.

Then a friend of a friend of mine had a daughter who was a dwarf.

Následne mala kamoška kamoša dcéru, ktorá bola trpaslík.

Keď sa jej dcéra narodila,

And when her daughter was born,

she suddenly found herself confronting questions

náhle sa ocitla pri riešení otázky,

ktorá mi teraz pripadá veľmi dôležitá.

that now began to seem quite resonant to me.

She was facing the question of what to do with this child.

Riešila otázku, čo robiť s týmto dieťaťom.

Should she say, "You're just like everyone else but a little bit shorter?"

Mala povedať: "Si ako ostatní, len o málo nižšia?"

Alebo sa mala pokúsiť vytvoriť nejaký druh trpasličej identity,

Or should she try to construct some kind of dwarf identity,

get involved in the Little People of America,

spojiť sa s Malými ľuďmi Ameriky,

become aware of what was happening for dwarfs?

začať sledovať čo sa pre trpaslíkov robí?

And I suddenly thought,

Naraz som si pomyslel,

väčšina hluchých detí sa rodí počujúcim rodičom.

"Most deaf children are born to hearing parents.

Those hearing parents tend to try to cure them.

Títo počujúci rodičia sa snažia ich vyliečiť.

Those deaf people discover community somehow in adolescence.

Títo hluchí ľudia počas dospievania objavia komunitu.

Most gay people are born to straight parents.

Väčšina gejov sa rodí heterosexuálnym rodičom.

Those straight parents often want them to function

Títo rodičia chcú, aby fungovali v tom,

čo vnímajú ako mainstreamový svet,

in what they think of as the mainstream world,

and those gay people have to discover identity later on.

títo gejovia musia potom objaviť svoju identitu neskôr.

And here was this friend of mine,

A tu bola moja kamarátka

looking at these questions of identity with her dwarf daughter.

pozerajúc sa na tieto otázky identity jej trpaslíčej dcéry.

Pomyslel som si, je to tu zas:

And I thought, "There it is again:

a family that perceives itself to be normal

Rodina, ktorá sa považuje za normálnu

with a child who seems to be extraordinary."

s dieťaťom, ktoré je nezvyčajné.

And I hatched the idea that there are really two kinds of identity.

A prišiel som na myšlienku, že existujú dva druhy identít.

There are vertical identities,

Identity, ktoré sú vertikálne,

ktoré sú predávané z generácie na generáciu.

which are passed down generationally from parent to child.

Tieto sú ako etnicita, národnosť, jazyk, často náboženstvo.

Those are things like ethnicity,

frequently nationality, language, often religion.

Those are things you have in common with your parents and with your children.

To sú veci, ktoré máte spoločné s rodičmi a vašimi deťmi.

And while some of them can be difficult,

A zatiaľ čo niektoré môžu byť obtiažne,

there's no attempt to cure them.

nepokúšame sa ich liečiť.

You can argue that it's harder in the United States --

Môžeš sa prieť, či je v USA ťažšie byť --

our current presidency notwithstanding --

bez ohľadu na nášho prezidenta --

byť farebným.

to be a person of color.

And yet, we have nobody who is trying to ensure

A nemáme nikoho, kto by sa snažil uistiť,

that the next generation of children born to African-Americans and Asians

že ďalšia generácia detí afro-američanov a aziatov

come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.

sa narodí so smotanovou kožou a blond vlasmi.

Nachádzajú sa tu iné identity, ktoré sa učíš od svojich rovestníkov.

There are these other identities which you have to learn from a peer group,

Nazval som ich horizontálne identity,

and I call them "horizontal identities,"

because the peer group is the horizontal experience.

pretože rovestníci sú horizontálnou skúsenosťou.

These are identities that are alien to your parents

Sú to identity nepriateľské voči tvojim rodičom

and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers.

a ktoré objavíš, keď ich uvidíš u rovestníkov.

A tieto identity, tieto horizontálne identity,

And those identities, those horizontal identities,

sa ľudia takmer vždy pokúšajú vyliečiť.

people have almost always tried to cure.

Chcel som sa pozrieť na to, aký je to proces,

And I wanted to look at what the process is

through which people who have those identities

cez ktorý ľudia majúci tieto identity,

come to a good relationship with them.

získajú k nim dobrý vzťah.

And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance

Pre mňa to vyzerá tak, že existujú 3 úrovne akceptácie,

that needed to take place.

ktoré musia nastať.

Je to seba-akceptácia, akceptácia v rodine a sociálna akceptácia.

There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance.

And they don't always coincide.

Nie vždy sa však zhodujú.

And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry,

Často krát sú ľudia majúci tieto potreby veľmi nahnevaní,

because they feel as though their parents don't love them,

lebo sa cítia, akoby ich rodičia nemilovali,

pričom čo sa stalo je, že ich ich rodičia neakceptujú.

when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them.

Láska je niečo, čo je ideálne bezpodmienečné

Love is something that, ideally, is there unconditionally

throughout the relationship between a parent and a child.

vo vzťahu medzi rodičom a dieťaťom.

But acceptance is something that takes time.

No akceptácia je niečo, čo si vyžaduje čas.

It always takes time.

Vždy si to vyžaduje čas.

Jeden z trpaslíkov, ktorého som spoznal sa volal Clinton Brown.

One of the dwarfs I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown.

When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism,

Keď sa narodil, diagnostikovali mu diastrofický dwarfismus,

veľmi vážne postihnutie,

a very disabling condition,

and his parents were told that he would never walk,

jeho rodičom oznámili, že nebude nikdy chodiť, hovoriť,

he would never talk,

he would have no intellectual capacity,

nebude mať intelektuálnu kapacitu

and he would probably not even recognize them.

a zrejme ich dokonca ani nerozpozná.

And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital

Bolo im naznačené, aby ho nechali v nemocnici,

so that he could die there quietly.

kde v tichosti zomrie.

His mother said she wasn't going to do it,

A jeho mama povedal, že to neurobí.

and she took her son home.

Zobrala ho domov.

And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages,

Napriek tomu, že nemala veľa vzdelania a financií,

našla najlepšieho doktora v krajine,

she found the best doctor in the country for dealing with diastrophic dwarfism,

zaoberajúceho sa týmto ochorením,

and she got Clinton enrolled with him.

a zariadila Clintnovi stretnutie.

And in the course of his childhood,

V piebehu detsva,

he had 30 major surgical procedures.

mal 30 vážnych operačných procedúr.

And he spent all this time stuck in the hospital

V nemocnici strávil všetok tento čas,

while he was having those procedures,

počas ktorého prebiehali tieto procedúri,

as a result of which, he now can walk.

a ako výsledok môže dnes chodiť.

While he was there, they sent tutors around to help him with his schoolwork,

Počas toho, ako tam bol, posielali mu tam školiteľov, aby mu pomohli s jeho školskou prípravou.

Pripravoval sa tvrdo, lebo tam nebolo nič iného na práci.

and he worked very hard, because there was nothing else to do.

Dosiahol úroveň vzdelania,

He ended up achieving at a level

that had never before been contemplated by any member of his family.

ktorú predtým nedosiahol žiaden iný člen jeho rodiny.

He was the first one in his family, in fact, to go to college,

Bol prvým z rodiny, kto išiel na vysokú školu,

where he lived on campus and drove a specially fitted car

kde žil na internáte a jazdil na špeciálne upravenom aute,

that accommodated his unusual body.

ktoré vyhovovalo jeho netypickému telu.

And his mother told me the story of coming home one day --

A jeho mama povedala tento príbeh príchodu domov v jeden deň --

and he went to college nearby --

navštevoval vysokú školu neďaleko --

and she said, "I saw that car, which you can always recognize,

povedala: "Videla som auto, ktoré môžeš vždy rozpoznať,

in the parking lot of a bar," she said.

na parkovisku pred barom," (Smiech).

(Laughter)

"Pomyslela som si, oni majú 180 cm, on má 90 cm.

"And I thought to myself,

'They're six feet tall, he's three feet tall.

Two beers for them is four beers for him.'"

Dve pivá su pre neho ako štyri pre nich."

Pokračovala: "Vedela som, že tam nemôžem ísť a rušiť ho,

She said, "I knew I couldn't go in there and interrupt him,

but I went home, and I left him eight messages on his cell phone."

ale šla som domov, a poslala som mu osem správ na mobil."

She said, "And then I thought,

"Potom som si pomyslela,

if someone had said to me, when he was born,

keby niekto povedal, keď sa narodil,

that my future worry would be that he'd go drinking and driving

že moje budúce starosti budú, že šiel piť a jazdiť so spolužiakmi -- "

with his college buddies ..."

(Laughter)

(Potlesk)

(Applause)

And I said to her,

Povedal som jej, "Čo myslíš, že si urobila,

"What do you think you did that helped him to emerge

aby si mu pomohla stať sa touto charizmatickou, dokonalou a úžasnou osobou?"

as this charming, accomplished, wonderful person?"

And she said, "What did I do?

Odpovedala: "Čo som spravila? Milovala som ho, to je všetko.

I loved him, that's all.

Clinton mal v sebe vždy toto svetlo.

Clinton just always had that light in him.

A jeho otec a ja sme boli dostatočne šťastní byť prvými, ktorí to v ňom videli."

And his father and I were lucky enough to be the first to see it there."

I'm going to quote from another magazine of the '60s.

Budem citovať z iného časopisu zo 60-tych rokov.

This one is from 1968 --

Tento je z roku 1968 -- Atlantský mesačník, hlas liberálnej Ameriky --

"The Atlantic Monthly," voice of liberal America --

written by an important bioethicist.

napísaný dôležitým bio-etikom.

He said, "There is no reason to feel guilty

Hovorí: "Nie je dôvod cítiť vinu za

about putting a Down's syndrome child away,

odvrhnutie detí s downovým syndrómom,

či už v zmysle schovania v sanatóriu,

whether it is 'put away' in the sense of hidden in a sanitarium

alebo vo viac zodpovednom, smrteľnom zmysle.

or in a more responsible, lethal sense.

Je to smutné, áno -- hrozné. Ale nie je v tom žiadna vina.

It is sad, yes. Dreadful.

But it carries no guilt.

Skutočná vina vzniká len z priestupku proti osobe,

True guilt arises only from an offense against a person,

a človek s downovým syndrómom nie je osoba."

and a Down's is not a person."

There's been a lot of ink given to the enormous progress that we've made

Veľa atramentu bolo minutého pre enormný pokrok, ktorý sme urobili

in the treatment of gay people.

pri zaobchádzaní s homosexualitou.

The fact that our attitude has changed is in the headlines every day.

Skutočnosť, že náš postoj sa zmenil je v titulkách každý deň.

But we forget how we used to see people who had other differences,

No zabudli sme ako sme sa zvykli pozerať na ľudí s inými odlišnosťami,

how we used to see people who were disabled,

ako sme sa pozerali na ľudí so zdravotným postihnutím,

how inhuman we held people to be.

ako sme viedli ľudí k tomu byť neľudský.

And the change that's been accomplished there,

A zmena, ktorá sa tu dosiahla,

which is almost equally radical,

ktorá je takmer rovnako radikálna,

is one that we pay not very much attention to.

je tá, ktorej nedávame veľa pozornosti.

Jedna z rodín, ktoré som navštívil, Tom a Karen Robard-ovci,

One of the families I interviewed, Tom and Karen Robards,

boli zaskočení, keď im ako mladému a úspešnému new-yourskému páru,

were taken aback when, as young and successful New Yorkers,

their first child was diagnosed with Down syndrome.

oznámili, že ich dieťa má downov sydróm.

They thought the educational opportunities for him were not what they should be,

Mysleli, že vzdelávacie možnosti pre ňho neboli také, aké by mali byť,

and so they decided they would build a little center --

a tak sa rozhodli vybudovať malé centrum --

two classrooms that they started with a few other parents --

dve triedy, ktoré otvorili so zopár inými rodičmi --

to educate kids with DS.

pre vzdelávanie detí s D.S.

And over the years, that center grew into something called the Cooke Center,

Po rokoch, centrum vyráslo v niečo zvané Cook-ovo centrum,

where there are now thousands upon thousands of children

kde sú teraz tisícky a tisícky

detí s intelektuálnými postihnutiami, ktoré sú vzdelávané.

with intellectual disabilities

who are being taught.

In the time since that "Atlantic Monthly" story ran,

Od času, keď bol vydaný Atlantický mesačník,

the life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has tripled.

sa očakávaná dĺžka života ľudí s D.S. strojnásobila.

Skúsenosti ľudí s D.S. zahŕňajú tých, ktorí sú hercami,

The experience of Down syndrome people includes those who are actors,

those who are writers, some who are able to live fully independently in adulthood.

spisovateľmi, niektorí sú schopní žiť v dospelosti úplne nezávisle.

The Robards had a lot to do with that.

Robard-ovci s tým majú veľa spoločného.

And I said, "Do you regret it?

Spýtal som sa: "Ľutujete to?

Do you wish your child didn't have Down syndrome?

Chceli by ste aby vaše dieťa nemalo D.S.?

Do you wish you'd never heard of it?"

Želali by ste si o tom nikdy nepočuť?"

Jeho otec prekvapivo odpovedal:

And interestingly, his father said,

"Well, for David, our son, I regret it,

"Teda, pre Dávida, nášho syna to ľutujem,

pretože pre Dávida, je to ťažká cesta v tomto svete

because for David, it's a difficult way to be in the world,

and I'd like to give David an easier life.

a rád by som mu dal ľahší život.

But I think if we lost everyone with Down syndrome,

No myslím, že ak by sme stratili každého s D.S., bola by to katastrofická strata."

it would be a catastrophic loss."

And Karen Robards said to me, "I'm with Tom.

A Karen Robard-ová povedala: "Súhlasím s Tomom.

For David, I would cure it in an instant, to give him an easier life.

Pre Dávida by som to vyliečila hneď aby som mu dala ľahší život.

But speaking for myself --

Ak mám však hovoriť sama za seba -- dobre, pred 23 rokmi, keď sa narodil by som nikdy neverila

well, I would never have believed 23 years ago when he was born

že sa dostanem do bodu --

that I could come to such a point.

hovorím teraz za seba, spravilo ma to oveľa lepšou a milšou

Speaking for myself, it's made me so much better and so much kinder

and so much more purposeful in my whole life that, speaking for myself,

a oveľa viac zmysluplnou v mojom živote,

že by som sa toho nevzdala nikdy v živote za nič na svete."

I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world."

Sme v bode, kedy sociálna akceptácia pre tieto a veľa iných

We live at a point when social acceptance for these and many other conditions

is on the up and up.

je na vzostupe.

A zároveň žijeme v dobe,

And yet we also live at the moment

kedy naša schopnosť eliminovať tieto podmienky

when our ability to eliminate those conditions

has reached a height we never imagined before.

dosiahla výšku, ktorú sme si predtým nemohli predstaviť.

Most deaf infants born in the United States now

Väčšina hluchých novorodencov v USA

will receive cochlear implants,

dostane Cochlear-ove implantáty,

which are put into the brain and connected to a receiver,

ktoré sa dávajú do mozgu a spoja sa s príjmačom,

and which allow them to acquire a facsimile of hearing

a ktoré im umožňujú získať faksimile sluchu a používať ústny prejav.

and to use oral speech.

A compound that has been tested in mice, BMN-111,

Zlúčenina testovaná na myšiach, BMN-111,

is useful in preventing the action of the achondroplasia gene.

je užitočná v prevencii pôsobenia achondroplasického génu.

Achondroplasia is the most common form of dwarfism,

Achondroplázia je jedna z najrozšírenejších foriem liliputánstva,

and mice who have been given that substance

a myši, ktorým bol podaný tento liek a ktoré tento gén mali,

and who have the achondroplasia gene

grow to full size.

vyrástli do normálnej veľkosti.

Testing in humans is around the corner.

Testovanie na ľuďoch je za rohom.

There are blood tests which are making progress

Existujú krvné testy, ktoré robia pokrok,

ktorý umožný objaviť D.S. zreteľnejšie a skôr počas tehotenstva, ako kedykoľvek predtým,

that would pick up Down syndrome more clearly and earlier in pregnancies

than ever before,

making it easier and easier for people to eliminate those pregnancies,

urobí pre ľudí ľahšie a ľahšie eliminovať také tehotenstvo,

or to terminate them.

alebo ho ukončiť.

So we have both social progress and medical progress.

A tak máme oboje, sociálny pokrok a medicínsky pokrok.

And I believe in both of them.

Verím v oba z nich.

I believe the social progress is fantastic and meaningful and wonderful,

Verím, že sociálny pokrok je fantastický a zmysluplný a úžasný,

and I think the same thing about the medical progress.

a myslím si to isté o medicínskom pokroku.

But I think it's a tragedy when one of them doesn't see the other.

No myslím, že je tragédia, ak jeden z nich nevidí ten druhý.

Keď vidím, ako sa vzájomne pretínajú

And when I see the way they're intersecting

v podmienkach ako tie tri, ktoré som práve popísal,

in conditions like the three I've just described,

I sometimes think it's like those moments in grand opera

niekedy myslím, že to je ako v týchto momentoch opery,

keď si hrdinka uvedomí, že miluje heroín

when the hero realizes he loves the heroine

at the exact moment that she lies expiring on a divan.

presne v tom momente, keď leží na konci na gauči.

(Smiech)

(Laughter)

Musíme myslieť na to, ako vnímame liečby súhrnne.

We have to think about how we feel about cures altogether.

And a lot of the time the question of parenthood is:

Často krát je otázka rodičovstva,

What do we validate in our children,

čo na svojich deťoch oceňujeme

and what do we cure in them?

a z čoho ich chceme liečiť?

Jim Sinclair, a prominent autism activist, said,

Jim Sinclair, prominentný autistický aktivista, povedal:

"When parents say, 'I wish my child did not have autism,'

"Keď rodičia povedia, že by si želali aby ich dieťa nemalo autizmus,

hovoria v skutočnosti o želáni aby toto dieťa neexistovalo

what they're really saying is, 'I wish the child I have did not exist

and I had a different, nonautistic child instead.'

a namiesto toho mali iné dieťa, neautistické.

Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence.

Prečítaj si to znova. To je to, čo počujeme, keď sa sťažuješ na našu existenciu.

This is what we hear when you pray for a cure:

To je, čo počujeme, keď sa modlíš za naše vyliečenie --

tvoje najláskavejšie želanie pre nás --

that your fondest wish for us is that someday we will cease to be,

je to, vďaka ktorému jedného dna prestaneme existovať

and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces."

a staneme sa cudzincami, ktorých môžeš milovať."

Je to veľmi extrémny pohľad na vec,

It's a very extreme point of view,

but it points to the reality that people engage with the life they have

ale poukazuje na realitu, ktorej čelia ľudia so životom, ktorý majú

a nechcú byť liečení, zmenení alebo eliminovaní.

and they don't want to be cured or changed or eliminated.

They want to be whoever it is that they've come to be.

Chcú byť kýmkoľvek sú, kýmkoľvek sa stali.

Jenda z rodín, ktorú som navštívil kvôli tomuto projektu,

One of the families I interviewed for this project

was the family of Dylan Klebold,

bola rodina Dylana Klebolda, páchateľa Kolumbijského masakru.

who was one of the perpetrators of the Columbine massacre.

Trvalo dlho presvedčiť ich, aby so mnou hovorili,

It took a long time to persuade them to talk to me,

and once they agreed, they were so full of their story

a akonáhle súhlasili, boli tak plný svojim príbehom,

that they couldn't stop telling it,

že o tom nemohli prestať rozprávať.

Prvý víkend, ktorý som s nimi strávil -- prvý z množstva --

and the first weekend I spent with them, the first of many,

I recorded more than 20 hours of conversation.

nahral som viac ako 20 hodín rozhovoru.

And on Sunday night, we were all exhausted.

A v Nedeľu večer sme boli všetci vyšťavení.

We were sitting in the kitchen. Sue Klebold was fixing dinner.

Sedeli sme v kuchyni. Sue Kleboldová upratovala večeru.

Spýtal som sa: "Keby tu bol teraz Dylan,

And I said, "If Dylan were here now,

do you have a sense of what you'd want to ask him?"

viete, čo by ste sa ho chceli spýtať?"

And his father said, "I sure do.

Jeho otec odpovedal: "S istotou viem.

I'd want to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing."

Chcel by som sa ho spýtať, čo si do čerta myslel, že robí."

And Sue looked at the floor, and she thought for a minute.

Sue sa pozrela na zem, a na chvíľu sa zamyslela.

Potom sa pozrela späť a povedala:

And then she looked back up and said,

"Spýtala by som sa ho, aby mi odpustil za to, že som ako matka

"I would ask him to forgive me for being his mother

nikdy nevedela, čo sa deje v jeho hlave."

and never knowing what was going on inside his head."

When I had dinner with her a couple of years later --

Keď som s ňou večeral o pár rokov neskôr --

one of many dinners that we had together --

pri jednej z množstva večier, ktoré sme spolu mali --

she said, "You know, when it first happened,

povedala: "Vieš, keď sa to stalo,

I used to wish that I had never married, that I had never had children.

želala som si aby som nikdy nebola vydatá, nikdy nemala deti.

If I hadn't gone to Ohio State and crossed paths with Tom,

Keby som sa neodsťahovala do Ohia a nestretla Toma,

toto dieťa by nikdy neexistovalo a táto hrozná vec by sa nestala.

this child wouldn't have existed,

and this terrible thing wouldn't have happened.

No uvedomila som si, že milujem svoje deti tak veľmi,

But I've come to feel that I love the children I had so much

that I don't want to imagine a life without them.

že si nechcem ani predstaviť život bez nich.

I recognize the pain they caused to others,

Rozpoznávam bolesť, ktorú spôsobili iným, pre ktorú neexistuje ospravedlnenie,

for which there can be no forgiveness,

but the pain they caused to me, there is," she said.

ale bolesť, ktorú spôsobili mne, je tam." Pokračovala:

"Zatiaľ čo som rozpoznala, že by bole pre svet lepšie,

"So while I recognize that it would have been better for the world

if Dylan had never been born,

keby sa Dylan nenarodil,

I've decided that it would not have been better for me."

rozhodla som sa, že by to nebolo lepšie pre mňa."

Pomyslel som si, že je prekvapivé ako všetky tieto rodiny majúce tieto deti so všetkými týmito problémami,

I thought it was surprising

how all of these families had all of these children

with all of these problems,

problems that they mostly would have done anything to avoid,

problémami, pre vyriešenie ktorých urobili všetko,

and that they had all found so much meaning in that experience of parenting.

všetky našli veľký zmysel v tejto skúsenosti rodičovstva.

A potom som si pomyslel, všetci, kto máme deti,

And then I thought, all of us who have children

love the children we have, with their flaws.

ľúbime deti, ktoré máme, aj s ich chybami.

Keby nejaký slávny anjel náhle zostúpil cez strop mojej obývačky

If some glorious angel suddenly descended through my living-room ceiling

and offered to take away the children I have

a ponúkol sa, že moje deti zoberie preč

and give me other, better children --

a dá mi iné, lepšie -- slušnejšie, zábavnejšie, milšie, múdejšie --

more polite, funnier, nicer, smarter --

(Laughter)

Schytil by som deti, ktoré mám a modlil sa aby toto strašidlo odišlo.

I would cling to the children I have and pray away that atrocious spectacle.

Bezpodmienečne cítim,

And ultimately,

I feel that in the same way that we test flame-retardant pajamas in an inferno

že tým istým spôsobom ako testujeme ohňovzdorné pyžamo v plameni,

to ensure they won't catch fire when our child reaches across the stove,

aby sme sa uistili, že nezačne horieť, keď sa naše dieťa načiahne cez kachle,

so these stories of families negotiating these extreme differences

tak isto tieto príbehy rodín riešiacich tieto extrémne odlišnosti,

reflect on the universal experience of parenting,

reflektujú univerzálnu skúsenosť rodičovstva,

which is always that sometimes, you look at your child, and you think,

keď sa niekedy zapozeráš na svoje dieťa a pomyslíš si,

odkiaľ si prišiel?

"Where did you come from?"

(Laughter)

(Smiech)

It turns out that while each of these individual differences is siloed --

Ukazuje sa, že aj keď každý z týchto individuálnych rozdielov je obmedzený --

there are only so many families dealing with schizophrenia,

existuje len určité množstvo rodín riešiacih schizofréniu,

only so many families of children who are transgender,

určité množstvo rodín, ktorých deti sú transrodové,

určité množstvo rodín so zázračnými deťmi --

only so many families of prodigies --

who also face similar challenges in many ways --

ktoré čelia podobným problémom rôznymi cestami --

there are only so many families in each of those categories.

existuje určité množstvo rodín pre každú z týchto kategórií --

že ak začneš myslieť,

But if you start to think

that the experience of negotiating difference within your family

že skúsenosti z vyjasňovania rozdielov v rámci tvojej rodiny

je čo ľudia adresujú,

is what people are addressing,

objavíš, že je to takmer univerzálny fenomén.

then you discover that it's a nearly universal phenomenon.

Ironically, it turns out,

Ironicky sa ukazuje, že sú to naše odlišnosti, a vyjasňovanie odlišností,

that it's our differences and our negotiation of difference

that unite us.

čo nás spája.

I decided to have children while I was working on this project.

Rozhodol som sa mať deti počas práce na tomto projekte.

And many people were astonished and said,

A veľa ľudí sa divilo a hovorilo:

"But how can you decide to have children

"Ale ako môžeš chcieť mať deti

počas štúdia všetkého zlého, čo sa pri tom môže stať?"

in the midst of studying everything that can go wrong?"

And I said, "I'm not studying everything that can go wrong.

Odpovedal som: "Neštudujem čo všetko zlé sa môže stať.

What I'm studying is how much love there can be,

Čo študujem je to, ako veľa lásky môže existovať,

even when everything appears to be going wrong."

dokonca aj vtedy, ak to vyzerá, že sa všeko uberá zlým smerom."

I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen,

Veľa som premýšlal o matke jedného postihnutého dieťaťa, ktoré som videl,

ťažko postinuté dieťa, ktoré zomrelo z nedbanlivosti opatrovníka.

a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect.

And when his ashes were interred, his mother said,

Keď ho pochovali, jeho mama povedala:

"Modlím sa za odpustenie toho, že som bola dva krát okradnutá,

"I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed:

once of the child I wanted,

raz o dieťa, ktoré som chcela a raz o dieťa, ktoré som milovala."

and once of the son I loved."

And I figured it was possible, then, for anyone to love any child,

Uvedomil som si, že potom je možné pre každého milovať akékoľvek dieťa,

if they had the effective will to do so.

ak majú dostatočnú vôľu tak učiniť.

Takže môj manžel je biologický otec dvoch detí

So, my husband is the biological father of two children

with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.

lezbických partneriek v Minneapolis.

Mal som blízku kamošku z vysokej, ktorá sa rozviedla a chcela mať deti.

I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce

and wanted to have children.

And so she and I have a daughter,

A tak máme spolu dcéru,

and mother and daughter live in Texas.

matka s dcérou žijú v Texase.

And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time,

Môj manžel a ja máme dieťa, ktoré s nami žije,

of whom I am the biological father,

ktorého biologickým otcom som ja,

a našou náhradnou matkou bola Laura,

and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura,

the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.

lezbická matka Olivera a Lucy z Minneapolisu.

(Laughter)

(Potlesk)

So --

(Applause)

Skrátene je to päť rodičov štyroch detí v troch štátoch.

The shorthand is: five parents of four children in three states.

(Laughter)

And there are people who think that the existence of my family

A pritom existujú ľudia, ktorí si myslia, že existencia mojej rodiny,

somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family.

nejako podrýva, znevažuje alebo poškodzuje ich rodiny.

And there are people who think that families like mine

A sú ľudia, ktorí si myslia, že rodiny ako moja,

shouldn't be allowed to exist.

by nemali mať povolenú existenciu.

And I don't accept subtractive models of love,

A ja neakceptujem podradné modely lásky, len tie zásadné.

only additive ones.

And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity

A verím, že rovnako ako potrebujeme diverzitu druhov,

to ensure that the planet can go on,

pre zaistenie pokračovania života na našej planéte,

tak isto potrebujeme diverzitu lásky a diverzitu rodín

so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family

in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.

pre posilnenie ekosféry láskavosti.

Deň po tom, ako sa narodil náš syn,

The day after our son was born,

the pediatrician came into the hospital room

detská lekárka prišla do nemocničnej izby a povedala, že má obavy.

and said she was concerned.

He wasn't extending his legs appropriately.

Nerozťahoval nohy ako by mal.

Povedala, že to môže značiť poškodenie mozgu.

She said that might mean that he had brain damage.

Insofar as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically,

Ak ich rozťahoval, robil to tak asymetricky,

which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action.

že to mohlo znamenať, že má nádor nejakého druhu.

A tiež mal veľmi veľkú hlavu, čo podľa nej mohlo indikovať hydrocephalus.

And he had a very large head,

which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.

And as she told me all of these things,

A ako mi povedala všetky tieto veci,

I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor.

Cítil som ako sa podstata mojej osobnosti skladá na zem.

And I thought, "Here I had been working for years

Pomyslel som si, tu som robil celé roky

on a book about how much meaning people had found

na knihe o tom aký zmysel našli ľudia

in the experience of parenting children who were disabled,

so skúsenosťami rodičovstva detí, ktoré sú postihnuté

a nechcel som sa k nim pripojiť.

and I didn't want to join their number

because what I was encountering was an idea of illness."

Pretože to, čomu som čelil, bola idea choroby.

And like all parents since the dawn of time,

A ako všetci rodičia od úsvitu časov,

som chcel svoje dieťa ochrániť pred chorobou.

I wanted to protect my child from illness.

A rovnako som chcel pred chorobou ochrániť mňa.

And I wanted, also, to protect myself from illness.

And yet, I knew from the work I had done

A teraz, viem z práce, ktorú som vykonal,

že ak by mal ktorúkoľvek z vecí, na ktoré sme ho začali testovať,

that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for,

tie sa stanú bezpodmienečne jeho identitou,

that those would ultimately be his identity,

a ak sa stanú jeho identitou, stánu sa aj mojou identitou,

and if they were his identity, they would become my identity,

that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.

takžé tá choroba bude mať veľmi odlišnú podobu ako sa rozšírila.

We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner,

Zobrali sme ho do MRI stroja, dali sme ho do CAT skeneru,

we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw.

Zobrali sme toto jednodňové dieťa a brali mu krv.

We felt helpless.

Cítili sme sa beznádejne.

And at the end of five hours,

Po piatich hodinách,

povedali, že jeho mozog je úplne v poriadku

they said that his brain was completely clear

and that he was by then extending his legs correctly.

a že rozťahuje nohy korektne.

And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on,

A keď som sa spýtal detskej doktorky, čo sa to deje,

she said she thought in the morning, he had probably had a cramp.

povedala, že ráno mohol mať pravdepodobne kŕč.

(Laughter)

(Smiech)

But I thought --

Ale pomyslel som si akú pravdu mala moja mama.

(Laughter)

I thought how my mother was right.

I thought, "The love you have for your children

Myslel som, že láska, ktorú máš pre svoje deti,

is unlike any other feeling in the world.

nie je ako žiaden iný cit na svete,

And until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.

a dokým nemáš deti, nevieš aký je to pocit.

Myslím, že deti ma ulapili

I think children had ensnared me

the moment I connected fatherhood with loss.

v momente ako som sa stal otcom.

No nie som si istý, či by som si to uvedomil,

But I'm not sure I would have noticed that

keby som sa neponoril tak hlboko pri výskume tohto môjho projektu.

if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine.

I'd encountered so much strange love,

Postrehol som tak veľa zvláštnej lásky,

and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns.

a cítil som sa veľmi prirodzene vo vnútri týchto vzorcov.

And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.

A videl som ako nádherne môže osvetliť dokonca aj tie najbiednejšie chyby.

Počas týchto 10 rokov, som bol svedkom a naučil som sa

During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned

desivej radosti z neznesiteľnej zodpovednosti,

the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility,

and I had come to see how it conquers everything else.

a naučil som sa vidieť ako pohltí všetko ostatné.

A síce som si niekedy myslel, že rodičia, ktorých navštevujem sú hlupáci,

And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools,

enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children

vrhajúci sa do otroctva celoživotného dobradružstva s ich nevďačnými deťmi,

snažiac sa vytvoriť identitu z mizérie,

and trying to breed identity out of misery,

uvedomil som si ten deň, že môj výskum ma posilnil

I realized that day that my research had built me a plank

a bol som pripravený ich pripojiť na ich ceste.

and that I was ready to join them on their ship.

Ďakujem.

Thank you.

(Applause and cheers)

(Potlesk)

Thank you.