Love, no matter what | Andrew Solomon

1,026,928 views ใƒป 2013-06-03

TED


ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุฃุฏู†ุงู‡ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ.

00:00
Translator: Timothy Covell Reviewer: Morton Bast
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ุงู„ู…ุชุฑุฌู…: Talal Akkad ุงู„ู…ุฏู‚ู‘ู‚: Ayman Mahmoud
00:12
"Even in purely nonreligious terms,
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"ุญุชู‰ ู…ู† ู…ุจุฏุฃ ุบูŠุฑ ุฏูŠู†ูŠุŒ
ุชู…ุซู‘ู„ ุงู„ู…ุซู„ูŠุฉ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณูŠุฉ ุฅุณุงุกุฉ ู„ู„ู…ู…ุงุฑุณุฉ ุงู„ุฌู†ุณูŠุฉ.
00:17
homosexuality represents a misuse of the sexual faculty.
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00:22
It is a pathetic little second-rate substitute for reality --
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ุฅู†ู‡ุง ุจุฏูŠู„ ุฑุฏูŠุก ูˆู…ุซูŠุฑ ู„ู„ุดูู‚ุฉ ู„ู„ูˆุงู‚ุน -
00:27
a pitiable flight from life.
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ู‡ุฑูˆุจ ู…ุฒุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุญูŠุงุฉ.
ู„ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ูู‡ูŠ ู„ุง ุชุณุชุญู‚ ุฃูŠ ุชุนุงุทูุŒ
00:30
As such, it deserves no compassion,
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00:33
it deserves no treatment as minority martyrdom,
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ู„ุง ุชุณุชุญู‚ ุฃูŠ ุนู„ุงุฌ
ูƒุฃู‚ู„ูŠุฉ ุดู‡ูŠุฏุฉุŒ
ูˆู„ุง ุชุณุชุญู‚ ุฃู† ุชูุนุงู…ู„ ุฅู„ุง ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู…ุฑุถ ุฎุจูŠุซ."
00:39
and it deserves not to be deemed anything but a pernicious sickness."
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00:45
That's from "Time" magazine in 1966, when I was three years old.
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ู‡ุฐุง ูƒูุชุจูŽ ููŠ ู…ุฌู„ุฉ (ุงู„ุชุงูŠู…) ุนุงู… 1966. ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒุงู† ุนู…ุฑูŠ 3 ุณู†ูˆุงุช.
ูˆุงู„ุณู†ุฉ ุงู„ู…ุงุถูŠุฉุŒ ุฑุฆูŠุณ ุงู„ูˆู„ุงูŠุงุช ุงู„ู…ุชุญุฏุฉ
00:51
And last year, the president of the United States
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00:54
came out in favor of gay marriage.
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ุตุฑู‘ุญ ุจุชุฃูŠูŠุฏู‡ ู„ุฒูˆุงุฌ ุงู„ู…ุซู„ูŠูŠู†.
00:57
(Applause)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
ูˆุณุคุงู„ูŠ ุงู„ุชุงู„ูŠุŒ ูƒูŠู ูˆุตู„ู†ุง ู…ู† ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ู†ู‚ุทุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ู‡ู†ุงุŸ
01:05
And my question is:
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01:07
How did we get from there to here?
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01:10
How did an illness become an identity?
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ูƒูŠู ู„ู…ุฑุถ ุฃู† ูŠุตุจุญ ู‡ูˆูŠุฉุŸ
01:15
When I was perhaps six years old,
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒุงู† ุนู…ุฑูŠ ุญูˆุงู„ูŠ ุงู„6 ุณู†ูˆุงุชุŒ
01:18
I went to a shoe store with my mother and my brother.
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ุฐู‡ุจุช ู…ุน ุฃู…ูŠ ูˆุฃุฎูŠ ุฅู„ู‰ ู…ุญู„ ุฃุญุฐูŠุฉ.
01:21
And at the end of buying our shoes,
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ูˆููŠ ู†ู‡ุงูŠุฉ ุดุฑุงุฆู†ุง ู„ุฃุญุฐูŠุชู†ุงุŒ
01:23
the salesman said to us that we could each have a balloon to take home.
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ู‚ุงู„ ู„ู†ุง ุงู„ุจุงุฆุน ุฃู†ู‡ ูŠู…ูƒู†ู†ุง ุฃุฎุฐ ุจุงู„ูˆู†ุงุช ู…ุนู†ุง ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„.
01:27
My brother wanted a red balloon,
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ุฃุฑุงุฏ ุฃุฎูŠ ุจุงู„ูˆู†ู‹ุง ุฃุญู…ุฑุŒ ูˆุฃู†ุง ุฃุฑุฏุช ูˆุงุญุฏู‹ุง ุฒู‡ุฑูŠู‹ุง.
01:29
and I wanted a pink balloon.
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ู‚ุงู„ุช ู„ูŠ ุฃู…ูŠ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุชุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ูŠุฌุจ ุญู‚ู‹ุง ุฃู† ุขุฎุฐ ุจุงู„ูˆู†ู‹ุง ุฃุฒุฑู‚.
01:33
My mother said that she thought I'd really rather have a blue balloon.
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01:37
(Laughter)
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ู‚ู„ุช ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุฃุฑูŠุฏ ุงู„ุฒู‡ุฑูŠู‘ ุจุดุฏุฉ.
01:38
But I said that I definitely wanted the pink one.
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ูุฐูƒู‘ุฑุชู†ูŠ ุจุฃู† ู„ูˆู†ูŠ ุงู„ู…ูุถู„ ู‡ูˆ ุงู„ุฃุฒุฑู‚.
01:41
And she reminded me that my favorite color was blue.
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01:46
The fact that my favorite color now is blue, but I'm still gay --
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ุญู‚ูŠู‚ุฉ ุฃู† ู„ูˆู†ูŠ ุงู„ู…ูุถู„ ุงู„ุขู† ู‡ูˆ ุงู„ุฃุฒุฑู‚ุŒ ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ู…ุงุฒู„ุช ู…ุซู„ูŠุง --
01:51
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
01:54
is evidence of both my mother's influence
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ุฏู„ูŠู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุชุฃุซูŠุฑ ุฃู…ูŠ ุนู„ูŠู‘ุŒ ูˆุญุฏูˆุฏ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุชุฃุซูŠุฑ.
01:57
and its limits.
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01:58
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
02:00
(Applause)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
02:07
When I was little, my mother used to say,
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ุตุบูŠุฑู‹ุงุŒ ูƒุงู†ุช ุฃู…ูŠ ุชู‚ูˆู„ุŒ
02:10
"The love you have for your children is like no other feeling in the world.
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"ุงู„ุญุจ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุชูƒู†ู‡ ู„ุฃุทูุงู„ูƒ ู„ูŠุณ ูƒุฃูŠ ุญุจ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฅุทู„ุงู‚.
ูˆู„ู† ุชุนุฑู ู…ุนู†ุงู‡ุŒ ุฅู„ุง ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุชู†ุฌุจ ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹"
02:15
And until you have children, you don't know what it's like."
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ุตุบูŠุฑุงู‹ุŒ ุฃุฎุฐุช ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู‚ูˆู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู†ู‡ ุฃุนุธู… ุฅุทุฑุงุก ููŠ ุงู„ุนุงู„ู…
02:18
And when I was little, I took it as the greatest compliment in the world
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02:21
that she would say that about parenting my brother and me.
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ุฃู† ุชู‚ูˆู„ ู‡ุฐุง ุนู† ุชุฑุจูŠุชู‡ุง ู„ูŠ ูˆู„ุฃุฎูŠ.
02:24
And when I was an adolescent, I thought, "But I'm gay,
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ู…ุฑุงู‡ู‚ุงู‹ุŒ ุงุนุชู‚ุฏุช
ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู…ุซู„ูŠุŒ ู„ุฐุง ุฑุจู…ุง ู„ู† ุฃู‚ุฏุฑ ุนู„ู‰ ุตู†ุน ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ.
02:27
and so I probably can't have a family."
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02:30
And when she said it, it made me anxious.
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ู‚ุงู„ุช ู„ูŠ ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ุฃุตุงุจู†ูŠ ุงู„ู‚ู„ู‚.
02:32
And after I came out of the closet,
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุงุนุชุฑูุช ุจู…ุซู„ูŠุชูŠุŒ
ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุธู„ู‘ุช ุชู‚ูˆู„ ู„ูŠ ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ูุบูŽุถูุจุช.
02:34
when she continued to say it, it made me furious.
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02:37
I said, "I'm gay. That's not the direction that I'm headed in.
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ูˆู‚ู„ุช " ุฃู†ุง ู…ุซู„ูŠ. ูˆู„ู† ุฃุฐู‡ุจ ููŠ ุฐุงูƒ ุงู„ุฅุชุฌุงู‡.
02:41
And I want you to stop saying that."
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ูˆุฃุฑูŠุฏูƒ ุฃู† ุชุชูˆู‚ููŠ ุนู† ู‚ูˆู„ ุฐู„ูƒ."
02:47
About 20 years ago,
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ู…ู†ุฐ ุญูˆุงู„ูŠ 20 ุณู†ุฉุŒ ุทู„ุจ ู…ู†ูŠ ุงู„ู…ุญุฑุฑูˆู† ููŠ ู…ุฌู„ุฉ (ู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒ ุชุงูŠู…ุฒ)
02:49
I was asked by my editors at the "New York Times Magazine"
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02:52
to write a piece about Deaf culture.
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ุฃู† ุฃูƒุชุจ ุดูŠุฆู‹ุง ุนู† ุซู‚ุงูุฉ ุงู„ุตู…ู‘
02:54
And I was rather taken aback.
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ููˆุฌุฆุช.
02:56
I had thought of deafness entirely as an illness:
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ููƒุฑุช ุฏุงุฆู…ู‹ุง ุจุงู„ุตู…ู… ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู†ู‡ ู…ุฑุถ.
02:58
those poor people, they couldn't hear,
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ู‡ุคู„ุงุก ุงู„ู…ุณุงูƒูŠู†ุŒ ู„ุงูŠุณุชุทูŠุนูˆู† ุงู„ุณู…ุน.
03:00
they lacked hearing, and what could we do for them?
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ู„ุง ูŠุณู…ุนูˆู†ุŒ ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู†ุณุชุทุน ุฃู† ู†ูุนู„ู‡ ู„ู‡ู…ุŸ
03:03
And then I went out into the Deaf world.
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ูˆู…ู† ุซู… ุฐู‡ุจุช ุฅู„ู‰ ุนุงู„ู…ู‡ู….
03:05
I went to Deaf clubs.
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ุฐู‡ุจุช ุฅู„ู‰ ู†ูˆุงุฏูŠ ุงู„ุตู…ู‘
03:07
I saw performances of Deaf theater and of Deaf poetry.
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ุดุงู‡ุฏุช ุนุฑูˆุถู‹ุง ู…ู† ู…ุณุฑุญ ุงู„ุตู…ู‘ ูˆ ุดุนุฑ ุงู„ุตู…ู‘.
ุญุชู‰ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุฐู‡ุจุช ุฅู„ู‰ ู…ุณุงุจู‚ุฉ ู…ู„ูƒุฉ ุฌู…ุงู„ ุฃู…ูŠุฑูƒุง ู„ู„ุตู…ู‘ ููŠ ูˆู„ุงูŠุฉ ุชูŠู†ูŠุณูŠ
03:12
I even went to the Miss Deaf America contest in Nashville, Tennessee,
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03:17
where people complained about that slurry Southern signing.
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ุญูŠุซ ุชุฐู…ู‘ุฑ ุงู„ุญุถูˆุฑ ู…ู† ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ุบู†ุงุก ุงู„ุฌู†ูˆุจูŠ.
(ุถุญูƒ)
03:22
(Laughter)
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ูˆู…ุน ุฏุฎูˆู„ูŠ ุฃูƒุซุฑ ูˆุฃูƒุซุฑ ููŠ ุนุงู„ู…ู‡ู…ุŒ
03:26
And as I plunged deeper and deeper into the Deaf world,
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ุฃุตุจุญุช ู…ู‚ุชู†ุนู‹ุง ุฃู† ุงู„ุตู…ู… ู„ู‡ ุซู‚ุงูุฉ
03:30
I became convinced that Deafness was a culture
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ูˆุฃู† ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ููŠ ุนุงู„ู… ุงู„ุตู…ู‘ ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ู‚ุงู„ูˆุงุŒ
03:33
and that the people in the Deaf world who said,
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03:35
"We don't lack hearing; we have membership in a culture,"
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"ู†ุญู† ู„ุณู†ุง ุบูŠุฑ ู‚ุงุฏุฑูŠู† ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุณู…ุนุŒ ู†ุญู† ู…ู†ุชู…ูˆู† ุฅู„ู‰ ุซู‚ุงูุฉ"
03:38
were saying something that was viable.
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ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ูŠู‚ูˆู„ูˆู† ุดูŠุฆู‹ุง ู‚ุงุจู„ู‹ุง ู„ู„ุญูŠุงุฉ ูˆุงู„ุงุณุชู…ุฑุงุฑ.
03:41
It wasn't my culture,
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ู„ูƒู†ู‡ุง ู„ู… ุชูƒู† ุซู‚ุงูุชูŠุŒ
03:42
and I didn't particularly want to rush off and join it,
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ูˆู„ู… ุฃุฑุฏ ุจุงู„ุชุญุฏูŠุฏ ุฃู† ุฃู†ุฏูุน ูˆุฃู†ุถู… ู„ู‡ุงุŒ
03:45
but I appreciated that it was a culture
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ู‚ุฏู‘ุฑุชู‡ุง ู„ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุซู‚ุงูุฉ.
03:48
and that for the people who were members of it,
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ูˆุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ู…ู†ู‡ุง
03:50
it felt as valuable as Latino culture or gay culture or Jewish culture.
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ูƒุงู†ูˆ ูŠุดุนุฑูˆู† ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู‚ูŠู‘ู…ุฉ ูƒุงู„ุซู‚ุงูุฉ ุงู„ู„ุงุชูŠู†ูŠุฉ ุฃูˆ ุซู‚ุงูุฉ ุงู„ู…ุซู„ูŠูŠู† ุฃูˆ ุงู„ูŠู‡ูˆุฏ.
03:56
It felt as valid, perhaps, even as American culture.
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ูŠุดุนุฑูˆู† ุญุชู‰ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุณุงุฑูŠุฉ ูƒุงู„ุซู‚ุงูุฉ ุงู„ุฃู…ูŠุฑูƒูŠุฉ.
04:01
Then a friend of a friend of mine had a daughter who was a dwarf.
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ุซู…ู‘ุŒ ุตุฏูŠู‚ุฉ ู…ู‚ุฑู‘ุจุฉ ู„ุตุฏูŠู‚ูŠ ุฃู†ุฌุจุช ุทูู„ุฉ ู‚ุฒู…ุฉ.
ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูˆู„ุฏุช ุจุงุจู†ุชู‡ุงุŒ
04:05
And when her daughter was born,
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04:06
she suddenly found herself confronting questions
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ูˆุฌุฏุช ู†ูุณู‡ุง ูุฌุฃุฉ ุจู…ูˆุงุฌู‡ุฉ ุณุคุงู„
ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠ ุงู„ุขู† ุจุฏุฃ ูŠุฏูˆูŠ.
04:09
that now began to seem quite resonant to me.
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04:11
She was facing the question of what to do with this child.
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ูƒุงู†ุช ุชุณุฃู„ ู†ูุณู‡ุง ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุณุชูุนู„ู‡ ู…ุน ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุทูู„ุฉ.
04:15
Should she say, "You're just like everyone else but a little bit shorter?"
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ู‡ู„ ูƒุงู† ุนู„ูŠู‡ุง ุงู„ู‚ูˆู„: ุฃู†ุช ู…ุซู„ูƒ ู…ุซู„ ุงู„ุฌู…ูŠุน ูˆู„ูƒู†ูƒ ู‚ุตูŠุฑุฉ ุจุนุถ ุงู„ุดูŠุกุŸ
ุฃู… ุนู„ูŠู‡ุง ุฃู† ุชุญุงูˆู„ ุฃู† ุชุจู†ูŠ ู†ูˆุนุง ู…ู† ู‡ูˆูŠุฉ ุงู„ุฃู‚ุฒุงู…ุŒ
04:19
Or should she try to construct some kind of dwarf identity,
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04:22
get involved in the Little People of America,
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ุฃู† ุชุญุงูˆู„ ุฃู† ุชุชูˆุงุตู„ ู…ุน ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ุฃู‚ุฒุงู… ููŠ ุฃู…ูŠุฑูƒุงุŒ
04:24
become aware of what was happening for dwarfs?
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ุฃุช ุชุตุจุญ ู…ุฏุฑูƒุฉ ู„ู…ุง ูŠุฌุฑูŠ ู„ู‡ู…ุŸ
04:27
And I suddenly thought,
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ูˆูุฌุฃุฉุŒ ููƒู‘ุฑุชูุŒ
ู…ุนุธู… ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ุตู… ูŠูˆู„ุฏูˆู† ู„ุขุจุงุก ูŠุณู…ุนูˆู†.
04:29
"Most deaf children are born to hearing parents.
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04:31
Those hearing parents tend to try to cure them.
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ู‡ุคู„ุงุก ุงู„ุขุจุงุก ูŠุนู…ู„ูˆู† ุนู„ู‰ ู…ุฏุงูˆุงุฉ ุฃุทูุงู„ู‡ู….
04:34
Those deaf people discover community somehow in adolescence.
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ุฃู…ุง ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ุตู…ู‘ ุณูŠูƒุชุดููˆู† ู…ุฌุชู…ุนู‹ุง ุจุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ู…ุง ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูŠูƒุจุฑูˆู†.
04:38
Most gay people are born to straight parents.
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ู…ุนุธู… ุงู„ู…ุซู„ูŠูŠู† ูŠูˆู„ุฏูˆู† ู„ุขุจุงุก ู„ูŠุณูˆุง ู…ุซู„ูŠูŠู†.
04:40
Those straight parents often want them to function
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ู‡ุคู„ุงุก ุงู„ุขุจุงุก ุบุงู„ุจู‹ุง ุณูŠุญุงูˆู„ูˆู† ุฃู† ูŠูˆุฌู‘ู‡ูˆุง ุฃุทูุงู„ู‡ู…
ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุนุชู‚ุฏูˆู† ุฃู†ู‡ ุงู„ุนุงู„ู… ุงู„ุทุจูŠุนูŠ,
04:43
in what they think of as the mainstream world,
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04:45
and those gay people have to discover identity later on.
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ุฃู…ุง ุงู„ู…ุซู„ูŠูˆู† ูุณูŠูƒุชุดููˆู† ู‡ูˆูŠุชู‡ู… ู„ุงุญู‚ู‹ุง.
04:48
And here was this friend of mine,
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ุตุฏูŠู‚ุชูŠ ุชู„ูƒ ูƒุงู†ุช
04:50
looking at these questions of identity with her dwarf daughter.
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ุชุจุญุซ ููŠ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุฃุณุฆู„ุฉ ุนู† ุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุฉ ู„ุทูู„ุชู‡ุง ุงู„ู‚ุฒู…ุฉ.
ูˆููƒู‘ุฑุชูุŒ ุฅู†ู‡ ู†ูุณ ุงู„ุญุงู„ุฉ:
04:54
And I thought, "There it is again:
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04:55
a family that perceives itself to be normal
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ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ ุชุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุทุจูŠุนูŠุฉ
04:58
with a child who seems to be extraordinary."
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ู…ุน ุทูู„ ูŠุจุฏูˆ ุฃู†ู‡ ุงุณุชุซู†ุงุฆูŠ.
05:00
And I hatched the idea that there are really two kinds of identity.
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุฎุฑุฌุช ุจููƒุฑุฉุŒ ุฃู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ู†ูˆุนูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุงุช.
05:05
There are vertical identities,
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ู‡ูˆูŠุงุช ุนู…ูˆุฏูŠุฉุŒ
ูˆุงู„ุชูŠ ุชู†ุชู‚ู„ ู…ุน ุงู„ุฃุฌูŠุงู„ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุจ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุงุจู†.
05:07
which are passed down generationally from parent to child.
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ูƒุงู„ุนุฑู‚ุŒ ูˆุงู„ุฌู†ุณูŠุฉ ุจุดูƒู„ ุดุงุฆุนุŒ ูˆุงู„ู„ุบุฉุŒ ูˆุบุงู„ุจู‹ุง ุงู„ุฏูŠู†.
05:10
Those are things like ethnicity,
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05:12
frequently nationality, language, often religion.
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05:15
Those are things you have in common with your parents and with your children.
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ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุงู„ู…ุดุชุฑูƒุฉ ุจูŠู†ูƒ ูˆุจูŠู† ุขุจุงุฆูƒ ูˆุฃุทูุงู„ูƒ.
05:20
And while some of them can be difficult,
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ูˆู…ุน ุฃู† ุจุนุถู‡ุง ู‚ุฏ ูŠูƒูˆู† ู…ุนู‚ุฏู‹ุงุŒ
05:22
there's no attempt to cure them.
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ู„ูƒู† ู„ูŠุณ ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ู…ุญุงูˆู„ุงุช ู„ู…ุนุงู„ุฌุชู‡.
05:24
You can argue that it's harder in the United States --
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ูŠู…ูƒู†ูƒ ุฃุช ุชุฌุงุฏู„ ุฃู†ู‡ ู…ู† ุงู„ุตุนุจ ููŠ ุงู„ูˆู„ุงูŠุงุช ุงู„ู…ุชุญุฏุฉ --
05:27
our current presidency notwithstanding --
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ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฑุบู… ู…ู† ุฑุฆุงุณุชู†ุง ุงู„ุญุงู„ูŠุฉ --
ุฃุช ุชูƒูˆู† ุดุฎุตู‹ุง ู…ู„ูˆู†ู‹ุง.
05:30
to be a person of color.
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05:31
And yet, we have nobody who is trying to ensure
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ูˆู…ุน ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ู„ุง ุฃุญุฏ ูŠุญุงูˆู„ ุฃู† ูŠุฌุนู„
05:34
that the next generation of children born to African-Americans and Asians
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ุงู„ุฌูŠู„ ุงู„ู‚ุงุฏู… ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃูุงุฑู‚ุฉ ุฃูˆ ุงู„ุขุณูŠูˆูŠูŠู† ููŠ ุฃู…ูŠุฑูƒุง
05:38
come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.
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ุฃู† ูŠุฌุนู„ู‡ ูŠุฃุชูŠ ุจุจุดุฑุฉ ุจูŠุถุงุก ูˆุดุนุฑ ุฃุดู‚ุฑ.
ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ู†ูˆุน ุงู„ุขุฎุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุงุช ูˆุงู„ุชูŠ ุนู„ูŠูƒ ุชุนู„ู‘ู…ู‡ุง ู…ู† ู…ุฌู…ูˆุนุฉ ู…ู…ุงุซู„ุฉ ู„ูƒ.
05:42
There are these other identities which you have to learn from a peer group,
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ูˆุฃุฏุนูˆ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู†ูˆุน ุจุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุงุช ุงู„ุฃูู‚ูŠุฉุŒ
05:46
and I call them "horizontal identities,"
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05:48
because the peer group is the horizontal experience.
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ู„ุฃู† ุงู„ู…ุฌู…ูˆุนุฉ ุงู„ู…ู…ุงุซู„ุฉ ู‡ูŠ ุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ุฃูู‚ูŠุฉ.
05:51
These are identities that are alien to your parents
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ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุงุช ุชุนุชุจุฑ ุบุฑูŠุจุฉ ุนู† ุฃู‡ู„ูƒ
05:53
and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers.
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ูˆุนู„ูŠูƒ ุงูƒุชุดุงูู‡ุง ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุชุฌุฏู‡ุง ุนู†ุฏ ุฃู‚ุฑู†ุงุฆูƒ.
ูˆู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุงุชุŒ ุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุงุช ุงู„ุฃูู‚ูŠุฉุŒ
05:58
And those identities, those horizontal identities,
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ู‚ุฏ ุญุงูˆู„ ุงู„ุนุงู„ู… ู…ุฑุงุฑู‹ุง ูˆุชูƒุฑุงุฑู‹ุง ุฃู† ูŠุนุงู„ุฌู‡ุง.
06:01
people have almost always tried to cure.
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุฃุฑุฏุช ุฃู† ุฃุชุนุฑู ุงู„ู‰ ูƒูŠููŠุฉ ุงู„ุนู…ู„ูŠุฉ
06:05
And I wanted to look at what the process is
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06:07
through which people who have those identities
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ุงู„ุชูŠ ุนู† ุทุฑูŠู‚ู‡ุง ูŠุญุงูˆู„ ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ุฐู† ูŠู…ู„ูƒูˆู† ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‡ูˆูŠุงุช
06:09
come to a good relationship with them.
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ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู†ูˆุง ุนู„ู‰ ุนู„ุงู‚ุฉ ุฌูŠุฏุฉ ู…ุนู‡ุง.
06:12
And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ูˆุฌุฏุช ุฃู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุซู„ุงุซ ู…ุณุชูˆูŠุงุช ู…ู† ุงู„ู‚ุจูˆู„
06:16
that needed to take place.
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ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุฌุจ ุฃู† ุชุฌุฑูŠ.
ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ู‚ุจูˆู„ ุงู„ุฐุงุชูŠุŒ ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ู‚ุจูˆู„ ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุฉุŒ ูˆู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ู‚ุจูˆู„ ุงู„ู…ุฌุชู…ุนูŠ.
06:18
There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance.
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06:23
And they don't always coincide.
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ูˆู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ุณุชูˆูŠุงุช ู„ุง ุชุชุทุงุจู‚ ุฏุงุฆู…ู‹ุง.
06:25
And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry,
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ูˆููŠ ู…ุนุธู… ุงู„ุฃูˆู‚ุงุชุŒ ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ู„ุฐูŠู† ู„ุฏูŠู‡ู… ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุญุงู„ุฉ ูŠูƒูˆู†ูˆู† ุบุงุถุจูŠู† ุฌุฏู‹ุง
06:29
because they feel as though their parents don't love them,
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ู„ุฃู†ู‡ู… ูŠุดุนุฑูˆู† ูˆูƒุฃู† ุขุจุงุกู‡ู… ู„ุง ูŠุญุจูˆู†ู‡ู…,
ูˆู„ูƒู† ุญู‚ูŠู‚ุฉ ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ ู‡ูˆ ุฃู† ุขุจุงุกู‡ู… ู„ุง ูŠุชู‚ุจู„ูˆู†ู‡ู….
06:33
when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them.
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ุงู„ุญุจ ู‡ูˆ ุฅุญุณุงุณ ุบูŠุฑ ู…ุดุฑูˆุท ู…ูˆุฌูˆุฏ ุจุดูƒู„ ู…ุซุงู„ูŠ
06:37
Love is something that, ideally, is there unconditionally
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06:40
throughout the relationship between a parent and a child.
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ููŠ ุงู„ุนู„ุงู‚ุฉ ุจูŠู† ุงู„ุฃู‡ู„ ูˆุงู„ุฃุจู†ุงุก.
06:43
But acceptance is something that takes time.
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ุจูŠู†ู…ุง ุงู„ู‚ุจูˆู„ุŒ ูŠุฃุฎุฐ ูˆู‚ุชุงู‹ ู„ูŠุชุญู‚ู‚.
06:46
It always takes time.
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ุฅู†ู‡ ุฏุงุฆู…ู‹ุง ู…ุง ูŠุฃุฎุฐ ูˆู‚ุชู‡.
ุฃุญุฏ ุงู„ุฃู‚ุฒุงู… ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ุชุนุฑูุช ุนู„ูŠู‡ู… ูƒุงู† ุดุงุจู‹ุง ุงุณู…ู‡ ูƒู„ูŠู†ุชูˆู† ุจุฑุงูˆู†.
06:49
One of the dwarfs I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown.
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06:53
When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism,
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูˆู„ูุฏุŒ ุดูุฎู‘ูุต ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู† ู„ุฏูŠู‡ ุถู…ูˆุฑุง ู…ุดูˆู‘ู‡ุงุŒ
ุญุงู„ุฉ ู…ุนูŠู‚ุฉ ุฌุฏู‹ุงุŒ
06:57
a very disabling condition,
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06:58
and his parents were told that he would never walk,
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ู‚ูŠู„ ู„ุฃู‡ู„ู‡ ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ู† ูŠู…ุดูŠ ุฃุจุฏู‹ุง ูˆู„ู† ูŠุณุชุทูŠุน ุงู„ุชูƒู„ู… ุฃุจุฏู‹ุงุŒ
07:01
he would never talk,
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07:02
he would have no intellectual capacity,
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ู„ู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ู„ุฏูŠู‡ ู‚ุฏุฑุฉ ุนู‚ู„ูŠุฉุŒ
07:04
and he would probably not even recognize them.
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ูˆุฃู†ู‡ ู‚ุฏ ู„ุง ูŠุชู…ูƒู† ุญุชู‰ ู…ู† ุงู„ุชุนุฑู ุนู„ูŠู‡ู…
07:06
And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุงู‚ุชุฑุญูˆุง ุนู„ูŠู‡ู… ุฃู† ูŠุฏุนูˆู‡ ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุดูู‰
07:10
so that he could die there quietly.
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ู„ูƒูŠ ูŠู…ูˆุช ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุจู‡ุฏูˆุก.
07:12
His mother said she wasn't going to do it,
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ุนู†ุฏู‡ุง ู‚ุงู„ุช ุฃู…ู‡ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู„ู† ุชุฏุนู‡ ู‡ู†ุงูƒ.
07:14
and she took her son home.
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ูˆุฃุฎุฐุช ุงุจู†ู‡ุง ุงู„ู‰ ุงู„ุจูŠุช.
07:16
And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages,
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ูˆู…ุน ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู„ู… ุชูƒู† ุชู…ุชู„ูƒ ู…ุฒุงูŠุง ุชุนู„ูŠู…ูŠุฉ ุฃูˆ ู…ุงุฏูŠุฉุŒ
ูˆุฌุฏุช ุฃูุถู„ ุทุจูŠุจ ููŠ ุงู„ุจู„ุงุฏ
07:20
she found the best doctor in the country for dealing with diastrophic dwarfism,
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ูŠุชุนุงู…ู„ ู…ุน ุญุงู„ุงุช ูƒู‡ุงุชู‡
07:24
and she got Clinton enrolled with him.
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ูˆุฃู„ุญู‚ุช (ูƒู„ูŠู†ุชูˆู†) ู…ุนู‡ ู„ูŠุนุงู„ุฌู‡.
07:26
And in the course of his childhood,
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ูˆุฎู„ุงู„ ุทููˆู„ุชู‡ุŒ
07:28
he had 30 major surgical procedures.
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ุฎุถุน ู„30 ุนู…ู„ูŠุฉ ุฌุฑุงุญูŠุฉ ุถุฎู…ุฉ.
07:31
And he spent all this time stuck in the hospital
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ูˆุฃู…ุถู‰ ูƒู„ ูˆู‚ุชู‡ ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุดูู‰
07:33
while he was having those procedures,
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ุฎู„ุงู„ ุฎุถูˆุนู‡ ู„ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ุนู…ู„ูŠุงุชุŒ
07:35
as a result of which, he now can walk.
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ูˆูƒู†ุชูŠุฌุฉ ู„ุฐู„ูƒ ูŠุณุชุทูŠุน ุฃู† ูŠู…ุดูŠ ุงู„ุขู†.
07:37
While he was there, they sent tutors around to help him with his schoolwork,
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ูˆุฎู„ุงู„ ูˆุฌูˆุฏู‡ ู‡ู†ุงูƒุŒ ูƒุงู†ูˆ ู‚ุฏ ุฃุฑุณู„ูˆุง ู„ู‡ ู…ุนู„ู…ูŠู† ู„ูŠุณุงุนุฏูˆู‡ ููŠ ูˆุธุงุฆูู‡ ุงู„ู…ุฏุฑุณูŠุฉ.
ูˆู‚ุฏ ุนู…ู„ ุจุฌุฏู‘ ู„ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุดูŠุก ุขุฎุฑ ู„ูŠูุนู„ู‡.
07:42
and he worked very hard, because there was nothing else to do.
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ูˆุงู†ุชู‡ู‰ ู…ุญู‚ู‚ู‹ุง ู„ู…ุณุชูˆู‰
07:45
He ended up achieving at a level
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07:46
that had never before been contemplated by any member of his family.
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ู„ู… ูŠุตู„ ุฅู„ูŠู‡ ุฃูŠ ูุฑุฏ ู…ู† ุฃูุฑุงุฏ ุนุงุฆู„ุชู‡.
07:50
He was the first one in his family, in fact, to go to college,
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ูƒุงู† ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ ู…ู† ุถู…ู† ุนุงุฆู„ุชู‡ ููŠ ุงู„ุญู‚ูŠู‚ุฉ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฐู‡ุจ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฌุงู…ุนุฉุŒ
07:53
where he lived on campus and drove a specially fitted car
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ุญูŠุซ ุนุงุด ููŠ ุญุฑู… ุงู„ุฌุงู…ุนุฉ ูˆู‚ุงุฏ ุณูŠุงุฑุฉ ู…ุฎุตุตุฉ ู„ู‡
07:56
that accommodated his unusual body.
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ุงู„ุชูŠ ุงุณุชูˆุนุจุช ุฌุณู…ู‡ ุงู„ุบูŠุฑ ุนุงุฏูŠ.
07:59
And his mother told me the story of coming home one day --
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุฐูƒุฑุช ู„ูŠ ูˆุงู„ุฏุชู‡ ู‚ุตุฉ ู„ู‡ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุนุงุฏ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„ ูŠูˆู…ู‹ุง --
08:02
and he went to college nearby --
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุฐู‡ุจ ุฅู„ู‰ ุฌุงู…ุนุฉ ู‚ุฑูŠุจุฉ --
08:04
and she said, "I saw that car, which you can always recognize,
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ูˆู‚ุงู„ุช: ุฑุฃูŠุช ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ุณูŠุงุฑุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠู…ูƒู†ูƒ ุฏุงุฆู…ุง ุฃู† ุชู„ุงุญุธู‡ุงุŒ
08:07
in the parking lot of a bar," she said.
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ูˆุฌุฏุชู‡ุง ููŠ ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ู ุงู„ู…ุฎุตุต ู„ุญุงู†ุฉ" (ุถุญูƒ)
08:10
(Laughter)
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"ูˆู‚ุฏ ุงุนุชู‚ุฏุชูุŒ ุฃู† ุทูˆู„ ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ู‡ู†ุงูƒ 6 ุฃู‚ุฏุงู…ุŒ ูˆู‡ูˆ 3 ุฃู‚ุฏุงู….
08:12
"And I thought to myself,
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08:13
'They're six feet tall, he's three feet tall.
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08:16
Two beers for them is four beers for him.'"
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ูƒุฃุณุง ุฌุนุฉ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ู‡ู… ู‡ูŠ ุฃุฑุจุนุฉ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ู‡."
ูู‚ุงู„ุช: "ุนู„ู…ุชู ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู„ู† ุฃุฏุฎู„ ูˆุฃู‚ุงุทุนู‡ุŒ
08:19
She said, "I knew I couldn't go in there and interrupt him,
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08:21
but I went home, and I left him eight messages on his cell phone."
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ุนุฏุช ุงู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„ุŒ ูˆุชุฑูƒุช ู„ู‡ 8 ุฑุณุงุฆู„ ุนู„ู‰ ู‡ุงุชูู‡ ุงู„ู…ุญู…ูˆู„."
08:25
She said, "And then I thought,
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ูˆู‚ุงู„ุช: "ุนู†ุฏู‡ุง ููƒู‘ุฑุชุŒ
08:27
if someone had said to me, when he was born,
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ู„ูˆ ู‚ุงู„ ู„ูŠ ุฃุญุฏู‡ู… ุนู†ุฏ ูˆู„ุงุฏุชู‡
08:29
that my future worry would be that he'd go drinking and driving
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ุฃู† ู…ุดูƒู„ุชูŠ ู…ุนู‡ ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุณุชู‚ุจู„ ุณุชูƒูˆู† ุฐู‡ุงุจู‡ ุฅู„ู‰ ุญุงู†ุฉ ูˆู‚ูŠุงุฏุชู‡ ู…ุน ุฃุตุฏู‚ุงุฆู‡ -- "
08:33
with his college buddies ..."
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08:34
(Laughter)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
08:36
(Applause)
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08:43
And I said to her,
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ูู‚ู„ุช ู„ู‡ุง : ู…ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุชุนุชู‚ุฏูŠู† ุฃู†ูƒ ูุนู„ุชู‡
08:45
"What do you think you did that helped him to emerge
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ูˆุณุงุนุฏู‡ ููŠ ุฃู† ูŠุตุจุญ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุดุฎุต ุงู„ุฌู…ูŠู„ ุงู„ุจุงุฑุน ูˆุงู„ุณุงุญุฑุŸ
08:47
as this charming, accomplished, wonderful person?"
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08:50
And she said, "What did I do?
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ู‚ุงู„ุช: ู…ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูุนู„ุชู‡ุŸ ู„ู‚ุฏ ุฃุญุจุจุชู‡ุŒ ู‡ุฐุง ูƒู„ ู…ุงููŠ ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ.
08:53
I loved him, that's all.
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ุฏุงุฆู…ุง ู„ูƒู„ูŠู†ุชูˆู† ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุถูˆุก ุฏุงุฎู„ู‡.
08:55
Clinton just always had that light in him.
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ูˆุฃู†ุง ูˆุฃุจูˆู‡ ูƒู†ุง ู…ุญุธูˆุธูŠู† ู„ูƒูˆู†ู†ุง ุฃูˆู„ ู…ู† ุฑุขู‰ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุถูˆุก."
08:58
And his father and I were lucky enough to be the first to see it there."
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09:04
I'm going to quote from another magazine of the '60s.
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ุณุฃู‚ุชุจุณ ู…ู† ู…ุฌู„ุฉ ุฃุฎุฑู‰ ููŠ ุงู„ุณุชูŠู†ุงุช.
09:07
This one is from 1968 --
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ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ุฌู„ุฉ ู…ู† ุนุงู… 1968 -- (ุขุชู„ุงู†ุชูŠูƒ) ุงู„ุดู‡ุฑูŠุฉุŒ ุตูˆุช ุฃู…ุฑูŠูƒุง ุงู„ู„ูŠุจุฑุงู„ูŠุฉ --
09:10
"The Atlantic Monthly," voice of liberal America --
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09:13
written by an important bioethicist.
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ูƒุชุจู‡ ุฃุญุฏ ุฃุทุจุงุก ุฃุฎู„ุงู‚ูŠุงุช ุงู„ุทุจ ุงู„ุญูŠูˆูŠ ุงู„ู…ู‡ู…ูŠู†.
09:15
He said, "There is no reason to feel guilty
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ู‚ุงู„: "ู„ุง ูŠูˆุฌุฏ ู…ุง ูŠุฏุนูˆ ู„ู„ุดุนูˆุฑ ุจุงู„ุฐู†ุจ
09:19
about putting a Down's syndrome child away,
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ุนู†ุฏ ุงู„ุชุฎู„ูŠ ุนู† ุทูู„ ู…ุตุงุจ ุจู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู†ุŒ
ุจู…ุนู†ู‰ ุฅู…ุง ูˆุถุนู‡ ููŠ ู…ุตุญุฉ
09:23
whether it is 'put away' in the sense of hidden in a sanitarium
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ุฃูˆ ุจู…ุนู†ู‰ ุฃูƒุซุฑ ู…ุณุคูˆู„ูŠุฉู‹ุŒ ู‚ุชู„ู‡.
09:28
or in a more responsible, lethal sense.
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ุฅู†ู‡ ู…ุญุฒู†ุŒ ุฃุฌู„ -- ุฑู‡ูŠุจ. ูˆู„ูƒู†ู‡ ู„ุง ูŠุญู…ู„ ุชุฃู†ูŠุจ ุงู„ุถู…ูŠุฑ.
09:32
It is sad, yes. Dreadful.
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09:35
But it carries no guilt.
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ุชุฃู†ูŠุจ ุงู„ุถู…ูŠุฑ ูŠุฃุชูŠ ูู‚ุท ู…ู† ุชูˆุฌูŠู‡ ุฅุณุงุฆุฉ ู„ุดุฎุต ู…ุงุŒ
09:37
True guilt arises only from an offense against a person,
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ุฃู…ุง ู…ุฑูŠุถ ู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู†ุŒ ูู‡ูˆ ู„ูŠุณ ุดุฎุตู‹ุง."
09:41
and a Down's is not a person."
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09:45
There's been a lot of ink given to the enormous progress that we've made
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ูƒุงู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ูƒุชุงุจุงุช ููŠู…ุง ูŠุชุนู„ู‚ ุจุงู„ุชู‚ุฏู… ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃุญุฑุฒู†ุงู‡
09:49
in the treatment of gay people.
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ููŠ ู…ุฌุงู„ ู…ุนุงู„ุฌุฉ ุงู„ู…ุซู„ูŠูŠู†.
09:51
The fact that our attitude has changed is in the headlines every day.
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ูˆุญู‚ูŠู‚ุฉ ุฃู† ุณู„ูˆูƒู†ุง ู‚ุฏ ุชุบูŠุฑุŒ ุชูุฐูƒุฑ ููŠ ุนู†ุงูˆูŠู† ุงู„ุตุญุงูุฉ ูƒู„ ูŠูˆู….
09:55
But we forget how we used to see people who had other differences,
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู†ุง ู†ู†ุณู‰ ูƒูŠู ูƒู†ุง ู†ุฑู‰ ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุฐูˆูŠ ุงู„ุงุฎุชู„ุงูุงุช ุงู„ุฃุฎุฑู‰ุŒ
10:00
how we used to see people who were disabled,
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ูƒูŠู ูƒู†ุง ู†ุฑู‰ ุงู„ู…ุนุงู‚ูŠู†ุŒ
10:02
how inhuman we held people to be.
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ูƒูŠู ุฌุฑุฏู†ุงู‡ู… ู…ู† ุฅู†ุณุงู†ูŠุชู‡ู….
10:05
And the change that's been accomplished there,
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ูˆุงู„ุชุบูŠูŠุฑ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุญุตู„ ู‡ู†ุงุŒ
10:07
which is almost equally radical,
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ุชุบูŠูŠุฑ ุฌุฐุฑูŠ ุจู†ูุณ ุงู„ู…ุณุชูˆู‰ุŒ
10:09
is one that we pay not very much attention to.
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ู‡ูˆ ุงู„ุชุบูŠูŠุฑ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู„ุง ู†ุนูŠุฑู‡ ุงู‡ุชู…ุงู…ู‹ุง ูƒุจูŠุฑู‹ุง.
ุฅุญุฏู‰ ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ุงู„ุชูŠ ุงุณุชุฌูˆุจุชู‡ุงุŒ ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ ุชูˆู… ูˆูƒุงุฑูŠู† ุฑูˆุจุงุฑุฏุฒุŒ
10:12
One of the families I interviewed, Tom and Karen Robards,
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ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ู…ุชูุงุฌุฆูŠู†ุŒ ูƒูˆู†ู‡ู… ู…ู† ุณูƒุงู† ู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒ ุงู„ูŠุงูุนูŠู† ูˆุงู„ู†ุงุฌุญูŠู†ุŒ
10:16
were taken aback when, as young and successful New Yorkers,
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10:19
their first child was diagnosed with Down syndrome.
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูƒุงู† ุฃูˆู„ ุทูู„ ู„ู‡ู… ู…ุตุงุจู‹ุง ุจู…ู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู†.
10:23
They thought the educational opportunities for him were not what they should be,
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ุงุนุชู‚ุฏูˆุง ุฃู† ูุฑุตู‡ ุงู„ุชุนู„ูŠู…ูŠุฉ ู„ู… ุชูƒู† ูƒู…ุง ูŠู†ุจุบูŠ ุฃู† ุชูƒูˆู†ุŒ
10:27
and so they decided they would build a little center --
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ู„ุฐุง ู‚ุฑุฑูˆุง ุฃู† ูŠุจู†ูˆุง ู…ุฑูƒุฒู‹ุง ุตุบูŠุฑู‹ุง --
10:31
two classrooms that they started with a few other parents --
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ู‚ุงุนุชุงู† ูู‚ุท ูˆู‚ุฏ ุจุฏุคูˆู‡ ู…ุน ุขุจุงุก ุขุฎุฑูŠู† --
10:34
to educate kids with DS.
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ู„ูƒูŠ ูŠุนู„ู…ู‘ูˆุง ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ู…ุตุงุจูŠู† ุจู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู†.
10:37
And over the years, that center grew into something called the Cooke Center,
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ูˆู…ุน ู…ุฑูˆุฑ ุงู„ุณู†ูˆุงุชุŒ ุชุทูˆุฑ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ุฑูƒุฒ ู„ูŠุตุจุญ ู…ุฑูƒุฒ CookeุŒ
10:41
where there are now thousands upon thousands of children
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ุญูŠุซ ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ุขู† ุงู„ุขู„ุงู ูˆุงู„ุขู„ุงู
ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ู…ุตุงุจูŠู† ุจุฅุนุงู‚ุงุช ุฐู‡ู†ูŠุฉ ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠู† ูŠุฎุถุนูˆู† ู„ู„ุชุนู„ูŠู….
10:44
with intellectual disabilities
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10:45
who are being taught.
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10:47
In the time since that "Atlantic Monthly" story ran,
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ูˆู…ู†ุฐ ุฃู† ู†ุดุฑุช ู…ุฌู„ุฉ (ุขุชู„ุงู†ุชูŠูƒ) ู‚ุตุชู‡ุงุŒ
10:50
the life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has tripled.
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ูุชุฑุฉ ุทูˆู„ ุญูŠุงุฉ ุงู„ู…ุตุงุจูŠู† ุจู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู† ุชุถุงุนูุช ุซู„ุงุซ ู…ุฑุงุช.
ุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู† ุชุดู…ู„ ู…ู…ุซู„ูŠู†ุŒ
10:55
The experience of Down syndrome people includes those who are actors,
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10:59
those who are writers, some who are able to live fully independently in adulthood.
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ูˆูƒุชู‘ุงุจุงู‹ุŒ ูˆุขุฎุฑูŠู† ู‚ุงุฏุฑูŠู† ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู† ูŠุนูŠุดูˆ ุจุดูƒู„ ู…ุณุชู‚ู„ ุชุงู… ููŠ ุณู† ุจู„ูˆุบู‡ู….
11:05
The Robards had a lot to do with that.
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ูƒู„ู† ู„ุฏู‰ ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ ุฑูˆุจุงุฑุฏุฒ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู„ุชูุนู„ู‡ ู…ุน ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ.
11:07
And I said, "Do you regret it?
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ูˆุณุฃู„ุชู‡ู…: ู‡ู„ ุชู†ุฏู…ูˆู†ุŸ
11:08
Do you wish your child didn't have Down syndrome?
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ู‡ู„ ุชุชู…ู†ูˆู† ู„ูˆ ุฃู† ุทูู„ูƒู… ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ู…ุตุงุจู‹ุง ุจู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู†ุŸ
11:11
Do you wish you'd never heard of it?"
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ู‡ู„ ุชุชู…ู†ูˆู† ู„ูˆ ุฃู†ูƒู… ู„ู… ุชุณู…ุนูˆุง ุจู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ุฑุถ ุฃุจุฏุงุŸ"
ูˆุจุดูƒู„ ู…ุซูŠุฑ ู„ู„ุฅู‡ุชู…ุงู…ุŒ ู‚ุงู„ ู„ูŠ ูˆุงู„ุฏู‡ุŒ
11:13
And interestingly, his father said,
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11:15
"Well, for David, our son, I regret it,
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ุญุณู†ู‹ุงุŒ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ุฅุจู†ูŠุŒ ุฏูŠูุฏุŒ ุฅู†ู†ูŠ ู†ุงุฏู….
ู„ุฃู†ู‡ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ู‡ุŒ ุฅู†ู‡ุง ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุตุนุจุฉ ู„ู„ุญูŠุงุฉุŒ
11:18
because for David, it's a difficult way to be in the world,
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11:21
and I'd like to give David an easier life.
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ูˆุฃุฑุบุจ ุจุฃู† ุฃูˆูู‘ุฑ ู„ู‡ ุญูŠุงุฉ ุฃุณู‡ู„.
11:24
But I think if we lost everyone with Down syndrome,
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ูˆ ุฎุณุฑู†ุง ูƒู„ ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ู…ุตุงุจูŠู† ุจุงู„ู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉุŒ ุณุชูƒูˆู† ุฎุณุงุฑุฉ ูƒุงุฑุซูŠุฉ."
11:27
it would be a catastrophic loss."
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11:29
And Karen Robards said to me, "I'm with Tom.
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ูˆู‚ุงู„ุช ู„ูŠ ูƒุงุฑู† ุฑูˆุจุงุฑุฏุฒ: ุฅู†ูŠ ุฃูˆุงูู‚ ุชูˆู… ุฑุฃูŠู‡.
11:32
For David, I would cure it in an instant, to give him an easier life.
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ูุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ุฏูŠูุฏ ู„ุฃุฑุฏุช ุนู„ุงุฌู‡ ููˆุฑู‹ุง ู„ูƒูŠ ุฃุนุทูŠู‡ ุญูŠุงุฉ ุฃุณู‡ู„.
11:36
But speaking for myself --
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ูˆู„ูƒู† ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠ - ู„ู… ุฃูƒู† ู„ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃุจุฏู‹ุง ุฃู†ู‡ ู…ู†ุฐ 23 ุณู†ุฉ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูˆู„ุฏ
11:38
well, I would never have believed 23 years ago when he was born
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ุณุชูƒูˆู† ู„ุฏูŠ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุฑุคูŠุฉ --
11:42
that I could come to such a point.
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ูุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠุŒ ู„ู‚ุฏ ุฌุนู„ู†ูŠ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ ุดุฎุตู‹ุง ุฃูุถู„ ูˆุฃุฑู‚ู‘ ุจูƒุซูŠุฑ
11:44
Speaking for myself, it's made me so much better and so much kinder
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11:48
and so much more purposeful in my whole life that, speaking for myself,
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ูˆุฃุตุจุญุช ุญูŠุงุชูŠ ู‡ุงุฏูุฉ ุฃูƒุซุฑ ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„ุŒ
ูุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠุŒ ู„ู† ุฃุชุฎู„ู‰ ุนู† ู‡ุฐุง ู…ู‚ุงุจู„ ุฃูŠ ุดูŠุก ููŠ ุงู„ุนุงู„ู…."
11:53
I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world."
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ู†ุญู† ู†ุนูŠุด ููŠ ูˆู‚ุช ุญูŠุซ ู‚ุจูˆู„ ุงู„ู…ุฌุชู…ุน ู„ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุญุงู„ุงุช ูˆุญุงู„ุงุช ุฃุฎุฑู‰
11:58
We live at a point when social acceptance for these and many other conditions
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12:02
is on the up and up.
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ูŠุชุฒุงูŠุฏ ูŠูˆู…ู‹ุง ุจุนุฏ ูŠูˆู….
ูˆู„ูƒู† ุฃูŠุถู‹ุง ูˆุตู„ู†ุง ู„ู„ุญุธุฉ
12:04
And yet we also live at the moment
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ุญูŠุซ ุชุฒุงูŠุฏุช ู…ู‚ุฏุฑุชู†ุง ู„ู„ู‚ุถุงุก ุนู„ู‰ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุญุงู„ุงุช
12:06
when our ability to eliminate those conditions
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12:08
has reached a height we never imagined before.
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ุฅู„ู‰ ุญุฏู‘ ู„ู… ู†ูƒู† ู„ู†ุชุฎูŠู„ู‡ ุณุงุจู‚ู‹ุง.
12:11
Most deaf infants born in the United States now
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ู…ุนุธู… ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ุฑุถู‘ุน ุงู„ุตู…ู‘ ููŠ ุงู„ูˆู„ุงูŠุงุช ุงู„ู…ุชุญุฏุฉ ุงู„ุขู†
12:14
will receive cochlear implants,
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ุณูŠุฎุถุนูˆู† ู„ุนู…ู„ูŠุฉ ุฒุฑุน ู„ู‚ูˆู‚ุนุฉ ุงู„ุฃุฐู†ุŒ
12:16
which are put into the brain and connected to a receiver,
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ุณุชุฒุฑุน ููŠ ุงู„ุฏู…ุงุบ ูˆูŠุชู… ูˆุตู„ู‡ุง ุจู…ุณุชู‚ุจูู„ุŒ
12:21
and which allow them to acquire a facsimile of hearing
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ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ุณูŠุชูŠุญ ู„ู‡ู… ุงู„ุณู…ุน ุงู„ุญู‚ูŠู‚ูŠุŒ ูˆุฃู† ูŠุณุชุทูŠุนูˆุง ุงู„ุชูƒู„ู… ุนู† ุทุฑูŠู‚ ุงู„ูู….
12:24
and to use oral speech.
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12:26
A compound that has been tested in mice, BMN-111,
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ู‚ุฏ ุฃุฌุฑูŠ ุชุฌุฑูŠุจ ู…ุฑูƒู‘ุจ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ูุฆุฑุงู†ุŒ ุจูŠ-ุงู…-ุงู†-111ุŒ
12:30
is useful in preventing the action of the achondroplasia gene.
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ุณูŠุณุงุนุฏ ุนู„ู‰ ู…ู†ุน ุนู…ู„ ุงู„ู…ูˆุฑุซุฉ ุงู„ุฎุงุตุฉ ุจุงู„ุชู‚ุฒู‘ู….
12:35
Achondroplasia is the most common form of dwarfism,
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ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ูˆุฑุซุฉ ู‡ูŠ ุฃูƒุซุฑ ุฃุดูƒุงู„ ุงู„ู‚ุฒู…ูŠุฉ ุดูŠูˆุนู‹ุงุŒ
12:38
and mice who have been given that substance
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ูˆุงู„ูุฆุฑุงู† ุงู„ุชูŠ ุฃูุนุทูŠุช ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ู…ุงุฏุฉ ูˆุงู„ุชูŠ ุชู…ุชู„ูƒ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ูˆุฑุซุฉุŒ
12:40
and who have the achondroplasia gene
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12:42
grow to full size.
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ู‚ุฏ ูƒุจุฑุช ู„ู„ุญุฌู… ุงู„ูƒุงู…ู„.
12:44
Testing in humans is around the corner.
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ูˆู‚ุฑูŠุจู‹ุง ุณูŠุชู… ุชุฌุฑุจุชู‡ ู…ุน ุงู„ุจุดุฑ.
12:46
There are blood tests which are making progress
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ุขู† ุชุญุงู„ูŠู„ ู„ู„ุฏู… ุชุชุทูˆุฑ
ุณุชุนู…ู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุชุญุฏูŠุฏ ู…ุชู„ุงุฒู…ุฉ ุฏุงูˆู† ุจุดูƒู„ ุฃุฏู‚ ููŠ ุงู„ุญู…ู„ ุงู„ู…ุจูƒู‘ุฑุŒ ู…ู† ุฃูŠ ูˆู‚ุช ู…ุถู‰ุŒ
12:49
that would pick up Down syndrome more clearly and earlier in pregnancies
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12:53
than ever before,
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12:54
making it easier and easier for people to eliminate those pregnancies,
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ู…ู…ุง ูŠุฌุนู„ ุงู„ู‚ุถุงุก ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุฃู†ูˆุงุน ู…ู† ุงู„ุญู…ู„ ุฃุณู‡ู„ ุจูƒุซูŠุฑ
12:59
or to terminate them.
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ุฃูˆ ุญุชู‰ ุฅู†ู‡ุงุกู‡ุง.
13:00
So we have both social progress and medical progress.
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ุฅุฐุง ู„ุฏูŠู†ุง ุงู„ุชู‚ุฏู… ุงู„ู…ุฌุชุนู…ูŠ ูˆุงู„ุชู‚ุฏู… ุงู„ุทุจูŠู‘.
13:05
And I believe in both of them.
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ูˆุฅู†ูŠ ู…ุคู…ู† ุจูƒู„ูŠู‡ู…ุง.
13:07
I believe the social progress is fantastic and meaningful and wonderful,
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ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู† ุชูู‡ู… ุงู„ู…ุฌุชู…ุน ู‡ูˆู‡ ุดูŠุก ู…ุฐู‡ู„ ูˆู…ุนุจู‘ุฑ ูˆุฑุงุฆุนุŒ
13:11
and I think the same thing about the medical progress.
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ูˆู†ูุณ ุงู„ุดูŠุก ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ู„ุชู‚ุฏู… ุงู„ุทุจูŠ.
13:14
But I think it's a tragedy when one of them doesn't see the other.
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู…ุฃุณุงุฉ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ู„ุง ูŠุฑู‰ ุฃุญุฏู‡ู… ุงู„ุขุฎุฑ.
ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุฃุฑู‰ ุงู„ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุชุฏุงุฎู„ูˆู† ุจู‡ุง
13:19
And when I see the way they're intersecting
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ููŠ ุญุงู„ุงุช ูƒุงู„ุซู„ุงุซ ุญุงู„ุงุช ุงู„ุชูŠ ุดุฑุญุชู‡ุงุŒ
13:21
in conditions like the three I've just described,
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13:23
I sometimes think it's like those moments in grand opera
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ุฃููƒุฑ ููŠ ุจุนุถ ุงู„ุฃุญูŠุงู† ุฃู†ู‡ุง ูƒุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ู„ุญุธุงุช ููŠ ุงู„ุฃูˆุจูŠุฑุง
ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูŠุฏุฑูƒ ุงู„ุจุทู„ ุฃู†ู‡ ูŠุญุจู‘ ุงู„ุจุทู„ุฉ
13:27
when the hero realizes he loves the heroine
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13:29
at the exact moment that she lies expiring on a divan.
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ููŠ ู†ูุณ ุงู„ู„ุญุธุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ุชูƒูˆู† ุนู„ู‰ ูˆุดูƒ ุงู„ู…ูˆุช ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฃุฑูŠูƒุฉ.
(ุถุญูƒ)
13:34
(Laughter)
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ุนู„ูŠู†ุง ุฃู† ู†ููƒุฑ ุญูˆู„ ูƒูŠููŠุฉ ุดุนูˆุฑู†ุง ุงุชุฌุงู‡ ุงู„ุนู„ุงุฌุงุช ุจุดูƒู„ ุนุงู….
13:37
We have to think about how we feel about cures altogether.
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13:40
And a lot of the time the question of parenthood is:
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ูˆููŠ ุฃูƒุซุฑ ุงู„ุฃูˆู‚ุงุช ูŠูƒูˆู† ุณุคุงู„ ุงู„ุขุจุงุก ู‡ูˆุŒ
13:43
What do we validate in our children,
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ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู†ู‚ุจู„ู‡ ููŠ ุฃุทูุงู„ู†ุงุŸ
13:45
and what do we cure in them?
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ูˆู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู†ุนุงู„ุฌู‡ุŸ
13:47
Jim Sinclair, a prominent autism activist, said,
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ุฌูŠู… ุณูŠู†ูƒู„ูŠุฑุŒ ู†ุงุดุท ุจุงุฑุฒ ููŠ ุงู„ุชูˆุญู‘ุฏุŒ ู‚ุงู„ุŒ
13:51
"When parents say, 'I wish my child did not have autism,'
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"ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูŠู‚ูˆู„ ุงู„ุฃู‡ู„: ู†ุชู…ู†ู‰ ู„ูˆ ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ุฅุจู†ู†ุง ู…ุตุงุจู‹ุง ุจุงู„ุชูˆุญุฏ.
ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุนู†ูˆู†ู‡ ุญู‚ู‹ุง ู‡ูˆ: ุฃุชู…ู†ู‰ ู„ูˆ ู„ู… ูŠุฃุชูŠ ูˆู„ุฏูŠ ู„ู„ุญูŠุงุฉุŒ
13:56
what they're really saying is, 'I wish the child I have did not exist
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14:00
and I had a different, nonautistic child instead.'
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ูˆุฃู†ู‡ ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠ ุนูˆุถู‹ุง ุนู†ู‡ ุงุจู† ู…ุฎุชู„ู ูˆุบูŠุฑ ู…ุชูˆุญู‘ุฏ.
14:04
Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence.
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ุฅู‚ุฑุฃ ู‡ุฐุง ู…ุฑุฉ ุฃุฎุฑู‰. ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู†ุณู…ุนู‡ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุชู†ุฏุจ ูˆุฌูˆุฏู†ุง.
14:09
This is what we hear when you pray for a cure:
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ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู†ุณู…ุนู‡ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุชุตู„ูŠ ู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ ุนู„ุงุฌ --
ุฃู† ุฃุบู„ู‰ ุฃู…ู†ูŠุฉ ุชุชู…ู†ุงู‡ุง ู„ู†ุง
14:13
that your fondest wish for us is that someday we will cease to be,
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ู‡ูŠ ุฃู†ู‡ ูŠูˆู…ู‹ุง ู…ุงุŒ ุณูˆู ู†ุฎุชููŠ ู…ู† ุงู„ูˆุฌูˆุฏ
14:17
and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces."
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ูˆุฃุดุฎุงุต ุบุฑุจุงุก ูŠู…ูƒู†ูƒ ุชู‚ุจู„ู‡ู… ุณูŠุญุชู„ูˆู† ูˆุฌูˆู‡ู†ุง."
ุฅู†ู‡ุง ูุนู„ุงู‹ ูˆุฌู‡ุฉ ู†ุธุฑ ุฑู‡ูŠุจุฉุŒ
14:23
It's a very extreme point of view,
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14:25
but it points to the reality that people engage with the life they have
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู‡ุง ุชุดูŠุฑ ุฅู„ู‰ ุญู‚ูŠู‚ุฉ ุฃู† ุฃุดุฎุงุตู‹ุง ู…ุฑุชุจุทูŠู† ุจุญูŠุงุชู‡ู…
ูˆุฃู†ู‡ู… ู„ุง ูŠุฑูŠุฏูˆู† ุฃู† ูŠูุนุงู„ุฌูˆุง ุฃูˆ ูŠูุบูŠู‘ุฑูˆุง ุฃูˆ ูŠูู‚ุตูˆ.
14:30
and they don't want to be cured or changed or eliminated.
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14:34
They want to be whoever it is that they've come to be.
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ูŠุฑูŠุฏูˆู† ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู†ูˆุง ุฃูŠู‹ุง ูƒุงู† ู„ูŠูƒูˆู†ูˆุง.
ุฅุญุฏู‰ ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ุงู„ุชูŠ ู‚ุงุจู„ุชู‡ุง ู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ ุงู„ู…ุดุฑูˆุน
14:38
One of the families I interviewed for this project
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14:41
was the family of Dylan Klebold,
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ูƒุงู†ุช ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ ุฏูŠู„ุงู† ูƒู„ูŠุจูˆู„ุฏ ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ูƒุงู† ุฃุญุฏ ู…ุฑุชูƒุจูŠ ู…ุฌุฒุฑุฉ ูƒูˆู„ูˆู…ุจูŠุง.
14:43
who was one of the perpetrators of the Columbine massacre.
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ุฃู…ุถูŠุช ูˆู‚ุชู‹ุง ุทูˆูŠู„ุงู‹ ู…ุญุงูˆู„ุงู‹ ุฅู‚ู†ุงุนู‡ู… ุฃู† ูŠุชูƒู„ู…ูˆุง ู…ุนูŠุŒ
14:47
It took a long time to persuade them to talk to me,
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14:49
and once they agreed, they were so full of their story
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูˆุงูู‚ูˆุงุŒ ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ู…ูุนู…ูŠู† ุจู‚ุตุชู‡ู…
14:52
that they couldn't stop telling it,
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ู„ู… ูŠุชู…ูƒู†ูˆุง ู…ู† ุงู„ูˆู‚ูˆู ุนู† ุณุฑุฏู‡ุง.
ูˆุฃูˆู„ ุนุทู„ุฉ ุฃู…ุถูŠุชู‡ุง ู…ุนู‡ู… - ูˆุงุญุฏุฉ ู…ู† ุนุทู„ ูƒุซูŠุฑุฉ -
14:54
and the first weekend I spent with them, the first of many,
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14:56
I recorded more than 20 hours of conversation.
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ุณุฌู‘ู„ุช ุฃูƒุซุฑ ู…ู† 20 ุณุงุนุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ุญุฏูŠุซ.
14:59
And on Sunday night, we were all exhausted.
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ูˆููŠ ู„ูŠู„ุฉ ุงู„ุฃุญุฏุŒ ูƒู†ุง ู…ุชุนุจูŠู† ุฌุฏู‹ุง.
15:01
We were sitting in the kitchen. Sue Klebold was fixing dinner.
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ูƒู†ุง ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุทุจุฎุŒ ูˆุณูˆ ูƒู„ูŠุจูˆู„ุฏ ูƒุงู†ุช ุชุนุฏู‘ ุงู„ุนุดุงุก.
ูู‚ู„ุช: ู„ูˆ ุฃู† ุฏูŠู„ุงู† ูƒุงู† ู‡ู†ุง ุงู„ุขู†ุŒ
15:05
And I said, "If Dylan were here now,
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15:07
do you have a sense of what you'd want to ask him?"
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ู‡ู„ ู„ุฏูŠูƒู… ุณุคุงู„ ูƒู†ุชู… ุณุชุณุฃู„ูˆู†ู‡ ุฅูŠุงู‡ุŸ
15:10
And his father said, "I sure do.
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ูู‚ุงู„ ูˆุงู„ุฏู‡: ุทุจุนุง ู„ุฏูŠู‘ุŒ
15:12
I'd want to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing."
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ู„ูƒู†ุช ุณุฃู„ุชู‡ ู…ุงุฐุง ุจุญู‚ ุงู„ุฌุญูŠู… ุงุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู‡ ูŠูุนู„.
15:16
And Sue looked at the floor, and she thought for a minute.
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ู†ุธุฑุช (ุณูˆ) ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุจุงุจุŒ ูˆููƒู‘ุฑุช ู„ุฏู‚ูŠู‚ุฉ.
ุซู… ุฃุนุงุฏุช ู†ุธุฑู‡ุง ูˆู‚ุงู„ุช:
15:20
And then she looked back up and said,
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ูƒู†ุช ุณุฃุทู„ุจ ู…ู†ู‡ ุฃู† ูŠุณุงู…ุญู†ูŠ ู„ุฃู†ูŠ ูƒู†ุช ุฃู…ู‡
15:22
"I would ask him to forgive me for being his mother
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ูˆู„ู… ุฃูƒู† ุฃุนุฑู ุฃุจุฏู‹ุง ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุฌุฑูŠ ุฏุงุฎู„ ุฑุฃุณู‡."
15:26
and never knowing what was going on inside his head."
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15:30
When I had dinner with her a couple of years later --
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ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุชู†ุงูˆู„ุช ุงู„ุนุดุงุก ู…ุนู‡ุง ุจุนุฏ ุณู†ุชูŠู† --
15:33
one of many dinners that we had together --
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ูˆุงุญุฏ ู…ู† ุฃูƒุซุฑ ู…ู† ุนุดุงุก ุชู†ุงูˆู„ู†ุงู‡ ู…ุนู‹ุง --
15:35
she said, "You know, when it first happened,
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ู‚ุงู„ุช: ุฃุชุนู„ู…ุŸ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุญุตู„ ููŠ ุจุงุฏุฆ ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑุŒ
15:38
I used to wish that I had never married, that I had never had children.
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ูƒู†ุช ุฃุชู…ู†ู‰ ู„ูˆ ุฃู†ูŠ ู„ู… ุฃุชุฒูˆุฌ ุฃุจุฏู‹ุงุŒ ูˆุฃู†ูŠ ู„ู… ุฃู†ุฌุจ ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹ ุฃุจุฏู‹ุง.
15:42
If I hadn't gone to Ohio State and crossed paths with Tom,
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ู„ูˆ ุฃู†ูŠ ู„ู… ุฃุฐู‡ุจ ุฅู„ู‰ ุฃูˆู‡ุงูŠูˆ ูˆู„ู… ุฃู„ุชู‚ูŠ ุจ ุชูˆู…ุŒ
ู„ูƒุงู† ุงู„ุทูู„ ู„ู… ูŠูˆู„ุฏ ู‚ุทุŒ ูˆู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุดูŠุก ุงู„ู…ุฑูˆู‘ุน ู„ู… ูŠุญุตู„.
15:46
this child wouldn't have existed,
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15:47
and this terrible thing wouldn't have happened.
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ุฃุญุจู‘ ุฃุทูุงู„ูŠ ุฌุฏู‹ุง
15:50
But I've come to feel that I love the children I had so much
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15:54
that I don't want to imagine a life without them.
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ู„ุฏุฑุฌุฉ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู„ุง ุฃุฑูŠุฏ ุชุฎูŠู‘ู„ ุญูŠุงุฉ ุจุฏูˆู†ู‡ู….
15:57
I recognize the pain they caused to others,
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ุฃุฑู‰ ุงู„ุฃู„ู… ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุณุจุจูˆู‡ ู„ู„ุขุฎุฑูŠู†ุŒ ุฃู„ู… ู„ุง ูŠู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ูŠูุณุงู…ุญุŒ
16:00
for which there can be no forgiveness,
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16:02
but the pain they caused to me, there is," she said.
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ูˆู„ูƒู† ุงู„ุฃู„ู… ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุณุจุจูˆู‡ ู„ูŠุŒ ูŠู…ูƒู† ู…ุณุงู…ุญุชู‡ุŒ"
"ู„ุฐุง ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุฃุฑู‰ ุฃู† ุงู„ุนุงู„ู… ุณูŠูƒูˆู† ุฃูุถู„ ุญุงู„ุงู‹
16:06
"So while I recognize that it would have been better for the world
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16:09
if Dylan had never been born,
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ู„ูˆ ุฃู† (ุฏูŠู„ุงู†) ู„ู… ูŠูˆู„ุฏ ุฃุจุฏู‹ุงุŒ
16:12
I've decided that it would not have been better for me."
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ู‚ุฑุฑุช ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ุฃูุถู„ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠ."
ุงุนุชู‚ุฏุชู ุฃู†ู‡ ูƒุงู† ู…ูุงุฌุฆู‹ุง ูƒูŠู ูƒุงู† ู„ูƒู„ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹ ู…ุน ูƒู„ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ุดุงูƒู„ุŒ
16:18
I thought it was surprising
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16:19
how all of these families had all of these children
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16:22
with all of these problems,
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16:24
problems that they mostly would have done anything to avoid,
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ู…ุดุงูƒู„ ูƒุงู†ูˆ ุณูŠูุนู„ูˆู† ุฃูŠ ุดูŠุก ู„ุชุฌู†ุจู‡ุงุŒ
16:27
and that they had all found so much meaning in that experience of parenting.
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ูˆุฃู†ู‡ู… ุฌู…ูŠุนู‹ุง ู‚ุฏ ูˆุฌุฏูˆุง ู…ุนู†ู‰ู‹ ุนู…ูŠู‚ู‹ุง ุจุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ุงู„ุฃุจูˆุฉ ุชู„ูƒ.
ูˆุซู… ููƒุฑุชุŒ ุฌู…ูŠุนู†ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ู„ุฏูŠู†ุง ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹
16:31
And then I thought, all of us who have children
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16:34
love the children we have, with their flaws.
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ู†ุญุจู‡ู…ุŒ ู…ุน ุนูŠูˆุจู‡ู….
ู„ูˆ ุฃู† ู…ู„ุงูƒุงู‹ ุฑุงุฆุนู‹ุง ู‡ุจุท ูุฌุฃุฉ ู…ู† ุณู‚ู ุบุฑูุชูŠ
16:37
If some glorious angel suddenly descended through my living-room ceiling
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16:41
and offered to take away the children I have
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ูˆุนุฑุถ ุนู„ูŠู‘ ุฃู† ูŠุฃุฎุฐ ุฃุทูุงู„ูŠ
16:43
and give me other, better children --
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ูˆูŠุนุทูŠู†ูŠ ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹ ุขุฎุฑูŠู† ุฃูุถู„ - ู…ู‡ุฐุจูŠู† ุฃูƒุซุฑุŒ ู…ุฑุญูŠู† ุฃูƒุซุฑ ูˆุฃูƒุซุฑ ู„ุทูุงู‹ ูˆุฃูƒุซุฑ ุฐูƒุงุกู‹ -
16:45
more polite, funnier, nicer, smarter --
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16:49
(Laughter)
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ุณูˆู ุฃุชู…ุณูƒ ุจุฃุทูุงู„ูŠ ูˆุฃุฏุนูŠ ุฃู† ูŠุฎุชููŠ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ุดู‡ุฏ ุงู„ุฑู‡ูŠุจ.
16:50
I would cling to the children I have and pray away that atrocious spectacle.
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ูˆุฃุดุนุฑ ููŠ ุงู„ู†ู‡ุงูŠุฉ
16:55
And ultimately,
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16:56
I feel that in the same way that we test flame-retardant pajamas in an inferno
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ุฃู†ู†ุง ุจู†ูุณ ุงู„ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ู†ุฎุชุจุฑ ููŠู‡ุง ู…ู† ุฃู† ุจูŠุฌุงู…ุงุช ุฃุทูุงู„ู†ุง ุงู„ู…ู‚ุงูˆู…ุฉ ู„ู„ู†ุงุฑ ุชุนู…ู„
17:00
to ensure they won't catch fire when our child reaches across the stove,
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ู„ู†ุชุฃูƒุฏ ุฃู†ู‡ู… ู„ู† ูŠู„ุชู‚ุทูˆุง ุงู„ู†ุงุฑ ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ูŠู‚ุชุฑุจูˆู† ู…ู† ุงู„ูุฑู†ุŒ
17:05
so these stories of families negotiating these extreme differences
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ุฃูŠุถู‹ุง ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‚ุตุต ู„ู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ุงู„ุชูŠ ุชูุงูˆุถ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุงุฎุชู„ุงูุงุช ุงู„ุดุฏูŠุฏุฉ
17:09
reflect on the universal experience of parenting,
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ุชู†ุนูƒุณ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ุงู„ูƒูˆู†ูŠุฉ ู„ู„ุฃุจูˆุฉุŒ
17:11
which is always that sometimes, you look at your child, and you think,
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ูˆู‡ูŠ ุฏุงุฆู…ู‹ุง ุญุชู‰ ุฃู†ูƒ ููŠ ุจุนุถ ุงู„ุฃุญูŠุงู† ุณุชู†ุธุฑ ู„ุทูู„ูƒ ูˆุชูู‘ูƒุฑุŒ
ู…ู† ุฃูŠู† ุฃุชูŠุช ุŸ!
17:16
"Where did you come from?"
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17:18
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
17:20
It turns out that while each of these individual differences is siloed --
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุงุชู‘ุถุญูŽ ุฃู†ู‡ ููŠ ุญูŠู† ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ูุฑูˆู‚ุงุช ุงู„ูุฑุฏูŠุฉ ุจู…ุนุฒู„ ุนู† ุจุนุถู‡ุง --
17:25
there are only so many families dealing with schizophrenia,
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ุงู„ุชูŠ ุชุชุนุงู…ู„ ู…ุน ุงู„ูุตุงู…ุŒ
17:28
only so many families of children who are transgender,
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ู…ุชุญูˆู„ูŠู† ุฌู†ุณูŠู‹ุงุŒ
ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ู„ุฏูŠู‡ุง ุนุจุงู‚ุฑุฉ --
17:31
only so many families of prodigies --
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17:32
who also face similar challenges in many ways --
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ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠู† ูŠูˆุงุฌู‡ูˆู† ุฃูŠุถู‹ุง ุชุญุฏูŠุงุช ู…ุดุงุจู‡ุฉ ุจุนุฏุฉ ุฃุดูƒุงู„ --
17:35
there are only so many families in each of those categories.
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช ุฏุงุฎู„ ูƒู„ ูุฆุฉ ู…ู† ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ูุฆุงุช --
ูˆู„ูƒู† ุฅู† ุจุฏุฃุช ุจุงู„ุชููƒูŠุฑ
17:38
But if you start to think
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17:39
that the experience of negotiating difference within your family
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ุจุฃู† ุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ู…ุนุงู„ุฌุฉ ุงู„ุงุฎุชู„ุงูุงุช ุถู…ู† ุนุงุฆู„ุชูƒ
ู‡ูŠ ุงู„ุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุดูŠุฑ ุฅู„ูŠู‡ุง ุงู„ุนุงู„ู…ุŒ
17:43
is what people are addressing,
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ุนู†ุฏู‡ุง ุณุชูƒุชุดู ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุชู‚ุฑูŠุจู‹ุง ุธุงู‡ุฑุฉ ูƒูˆู†ูŠุฉ.
17:45
then you discover that it's a nearly universal phenomenon.
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17:48
Ironically, it turns out,
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ูˆุจุดูƒู„ ู…ุถุญูƒุŒ ุงุชู‘ุถุญูŽ ุฃู† ุงุฎุชู„ุงูุงุชู†ุง ูˆู…ูุงูˆุถุฉ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุงุฎุชู„ุงูุงุชุŒ
17:50
that it's our differences and our negotiation of difference
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17:53
that unite us.
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ู‡ูŠ ุงู„ุดูŠุก ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠูˆุญู‘ุฏู†ุง.
17:55
I decided to have children while I was working on this project.
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ู‚ุฑุฑุช ุฃู† ุฃู†ุฌุจ ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹ ุฎู„ุงู„ ุนู…ู„ูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ุดุฑูˆุน.
18:01
And many people were astonished and said,
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ูˆูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ูƒุงู†ูˆ ู…ุฏู‡ูˆุดูŠู† ูˆู‚ุงู„ูˆุง:
18:04
"But how can you decide to have children
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"ูˆู„ูƒู† ูƒูŠู ูŠู…ูƒู†ูƒ ุชู‚ุฑูŠุฑ ุฅู†ุฌุงุจ ุฃุทูุงู„
ููŠ ูˆุณุท ุฏุฑุงุณุชูƒ ู„ู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุงู„ุชูŠ ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชุญุฏุซ ุนู„ู‰ ู†ุญูˆ ุฎุงุทุฆ ุŸ"
18:06
in the midst of studying everything that can go wrong?"
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18:10
And I said, "I'm not studying everything that can go wrong.
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ูู‚ู„ุช: "ุฃู†ุง ู„ุง ุฃุฏุฑุณ ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุงู„ุชูŠ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชุญุฏุซ ุนู„ู‰ ู†ุญูˆ ุฎุงุทุฆ.
18:13
What I'm studying is how much love there can be,
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ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃุฏุฑุณู‡ ู‡ูˆู‡ ู…ุฏู‰ ุงู„ุญุจ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ูŠุชูˆูุฑุŒ
18:16
even when everything appears to be going wrong."
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ุญุชู‰ ููŠ ุงู„ุญุงู„ุงุช ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุจุฏูˆ ูƒู„ ุดูŠุก ููŠู‡ุง ุฎุงุทุฆุง."
18:21
I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen,
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ููƒู‘ุฑุช ูƒุซูŠุฑู‹ุง ุจูˆุงู„ุฏุฉ ุฃุญุฏ ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ู…ุนุงู‚ูŠู† ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ู‚ุงุจู„ุชู‡ู….
ุทูู„ ู…ุตุงุจ ุจุฅุนุงู‚ุฉ ุดุฏูŠุฏุฉุŒ ู…ุงุชูŽ ู…ู† ุฌุฑุงุก ุฅู‡ู…ุงู„ ุฑุนุงูŠุชู‡.
18:27
a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect.
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18:30
And when his ashes were interred, his mother said,
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุฏููู†ูŽ ุฑู…ุงุฏู‡ุŒ ู‚ุงู„ุช ุฃู…ู‡:
ุฅู†ูŠ ุฃุตู„ูŠ ู‡ู†ุง ู„ู„ู…ุบูุฑุฉ ู„ุฃู†ูŠ ุณูู„ูุจุชู ู…ุฑุชูŠู†ุŒ
18:34
"I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed:
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18:41
once of the child I wanted,
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ู…ุฑุฉ ุทูู„ูŠ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃุฑุฏุชู‡ ูˆุซู… ุฅุจู†ูŠ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃุญุจุจุชู‡."
18:44
and once of the son I loved."
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18:47
And I figured it was possible, then, for anyone to love any child,
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ูˆู…ู† ุซู… ุงุณุชู†ุชุฌุชู ุฃู†ู‡ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ู„ุฃูŠ ุดุฎุต ุฃู† ูŠุญุจ ุฃูŠ ุทูู„
18:52
if they had the effective will to do so.
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ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู† ูŠู…ู„ูƒ ุงู„ู†ูŠุฉ ู„ุฐู„ูƒ.
ุฒูˆุฌูŠ ู‡ูˆ ุงู„ุฃุจ ุงู„ุญู‚ูŠู‚ูŠ ู„ุทูู„ูŠู†
18:55
So, my husband is the biological father of two children
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18:59
with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.
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ู…ู† ูˆุงู„ุฏุชูŠู† ู…ุซู„ูŠู‘ุชูŠู† ููŠ ู…ูŠู†ูŠุงุจูˆู„ูŠุณ.
ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠ ุตุฏูŠู‚ุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฌุงู…ุนุฉ ุฃุฑุงุฏุช ุจุนุฏ ุทู„ุงู‚ู‡ุง ุฃู† ุชู†ุฌุจ ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹.
19:03
I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce
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19:06
and wanted to have children.
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19:08
And so she and I have a daughter,
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ูุฃู†ุง ูˆู‡ูŠ ู„ุฏูŠู†ุง ุทูู„ุฉุŒ
19:10
and mother and daughter live in Texas.
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ุงู„ุฃู… ูˆุงู„ุทูู„ุฉ ูŠุนูŠุดุงู† ููŠ ุชูŠูƒุณุงุณ.
19:12
And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time,
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ุฃู†ุง ูˆุฒูˆุฌูŠ ู„ุฏูŠู†ุง ุทูู„ ูŠุนูŠุด ู…ุนู†ุง ุฏุงุฆู…ู‹ุง
19:15
of whom I am the biological father,
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ุฃู†ุง ูˆุงู„ุฏู‡ ุงู„ุญู‚ูŠู‚ูŠุŒ
ูˆุงู„ุฃู… ุงู„ุจุฏูŠู„ุฉ ููŠ ุงู„ุญู…ู„ ูƒุงู†ุช ู„ูˆุฑุงุŒ
19:18
and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura,
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19:21
the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
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ุงู„ุฃู… ุงู„ู…ุซู„ูŠุฉ ู„ู„ุทูู„ูŠู† ุฃูˆู„ูŠูุฑ ูˆู„ูˆุณูŠ ููŠ ู…ูŠู†ูŠุงุจูˆู„ูŠุณ.
19:24
(Laughter)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
19:26
So --
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19:27
(Applause)
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ุฅุฐู‹ุง ุจุงู„ู…ุฎุชุตุฑ ู„ุฏูŠู†ุง ุฎู…ุณุฉ ุขุจุงุก ู„ุฃุฑุจุนุฉ ุฃุทูุงู„ ููŠ ุซู„ุงุซ ูˆู„ุงูŠุงุช.
19:34
The shorthand is: five parents of four children in three states.
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19:38
(Laughter)
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19:39
And there are people who think that the existence of my family
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ูˆู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุจุนุถ ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ูŠุนุชู‚ุฏูˆู† ุฃู† ูˆุฌูˆุฏ ุนุงุฆู„ุชูŠ
19:42
somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family.
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ุจุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ู…ุง ูŠูุถุนู ุฃูˆ ูŠุฎุฑู‘ุจ ุนุงุฆู„ุงุชู‡ู….
19:47
And there are people who think that families like mine
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ูˆู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุฃุดุฎุงุต ูŠุนุชู‚ุฏูˆู† ุฃู† ุนุงุฆู„ุฉ ูƒุนุงุฆู„ุชูŠ
19:50
shouldn't be allowed to exist.
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ู„ุง ูŠุฌุจ ุฃู† ูŠูุณู…ูŽุญ ู„ู‡ุง ุจุงู„ูˆุฌูˆุฏ.
19:52
And I don't accept subtractive models of love,
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ูˆุฃู†ุง ู„ุง ุฃู‚ุจู„ ุจูˆุฌูˆุฏ ู†ู…ุงุฐุฌ ุชู‚ู„ู„ ู…ู† ุงู„ุญุจุŒ ูู‚ุท ุฃู‚ุจู„ ุจุงู„ู†ู…ุงุฐุฌ ุงู„ุชูŠ ุชุฒูŠุฏ ู…ู†ู‡.
19:56
only additive ones.
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19:58
And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity
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ูˆุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู‡ ุจู†ูุณ ุงู„ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ู†ุญุชุงุฌ ููŠู‡ุง ุฅู„ู‰ ุชู†ูˆุน ุงู„ูุตุงุฆู„ ุงู„ุญูŠุฉ
20:01
to ensure that the planet can go on,
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ู„ู„ุชุฃูƒุฏ ู…ู† ุฃู† ูƒูˆูƒุจู†ุง ูŠุณุชุทูŠุน ุงู„ุฅุณุชู…ุฑุงุฑุŒ
ุฃูŠุถู‹ุง ู†ุญุชุงุฌ ุฅู„ู‰ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุชู†ูˆุน ููŠ ุงู„ุนูˆุงุทู ูˆุงู„ุชู†ูˆุน ููŠ ุงู„ุนุงุฆู„ุงุช
20:04
so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family
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20:08
in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.
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ู„ูƒูŠ ู†ู‚ูˆู‘ูŠ ู…ู† ุฌูˆู‘ ุงู„ู„ุทู.
ููŠ ุงู„ูŠูˆู… ุงู„ุชุงู„ูŠ ู„ูˆู„ุงุฏุฉ ุทูู„ู†ุงุŒ
20:13
The day after our son was born,
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20:15
the pediatrician came into the hospital room
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ุฃุชุช ุงู„ุทุจูŠุจุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ ูˆู‚ุงู„ุช ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู‚ู„ู‚ุฉ.
20:17
and said she was concerned.
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20:19
He wasn't extending his legs appropriately.
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ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ุงู„ุทูู„ ูŠู…ุฏ ุฃุฑุฌู„ู‡ ุจุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุตุญูŠุญุฉ.
ู‚ุงู„ุช ุฃู† ู‡ุฐุง ู‚ุฏ ูŠุนู†ูŠ ุฃู† ู„ุฏูŠู‡ ุชู„ู ููŠ ุงู„ุฏู…ุงุบ.
20:23
She said that might mean that he had brain damage.
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20:25
Insofar as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically,
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ุจู‚ุฏุฑ ู…ุง ูƒุงู† ูŠูˆุณู‘ุนู‡ู…ุŒ ูƒุงู† ูŠูุนู„ ุฐู„ูƒ ุจุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุบูŠุฑ ู…ุชุฌุงู†ุณุฉุŒ
20:29
which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action.
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ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฏุนุงู‡ุง ู„ู„ุฅุนุชู‚ุงุฏ ุจุฃู† ู‡ุฐุง ู‚ุฏ ูŠุนู†ูŠ ุฃู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ู†ูˆุนู‹ุง ู…ุง ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃูˆุฑุงู….
ูˆู‚ุฏ ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠู‡ ุฑุฃุณ ูƒุจูŠุฑ ุฌุฏู‹ุงุŒ ูุงุนุชู‚ุฏุช ุฃู†ู‡ ู‚ุฏ ูŠุดูŠุฑ ุฅู„ู‰ ุชุถุฎู… ุงู„ุฏู…ุงุบ.
20:33
And he had a very large head,
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20:34
which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.
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20:37
And as she told me all of these things,
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ู‚ุงู„ุช ู„ูŠ ูƒู„ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุกุŒ
20:39
I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor.
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ุดุนุฑุช ุจุฃู† ูƒูŠุงู†ูŠ ู‚ุฏ ุงู†ูุทุฑ ูˆุชูƒุณู‘ุฑ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฃุฑุถ.
20:43
And I thought, "Here I had been working for years
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ูˆููƒุฑุชุŒ ู‡ุง ุฃู†ุง ูƒู†ุช ุฃุนู…ู„ ู„ุณู†ูˆุงุช
20:45
on a book about how much meaning people had found
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ุนู„ู‰ ูƒุชุงุจ ูŠุญูƒูŠ ุนู† ุงู„ู…ุนุงู†ูŠ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูˆุฌุฏู‡ุง ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต
20:48
in the experience of parenting children who were disabled,
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ููŠ ุชุฌุฑุจุฉ ุฃุจูˆุฉ ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ู…ุนุงู‚ูŠู†ุŒ
ูˆู„ู… ุฃูƒู† ุฃุฑูŠุฏ ุฃู† ุฃู†ุถู… ุฅู„ูŠู‡ู….
20:52
and I didn't want to join their number
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20:55
because what I was encountering was an idea of illness."
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ู„ุฃู† ู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ุฃูˆุงุฌู‡ู‡ ู‡ูˆ ููƒุฑุฉ ู…ูŽุฑุถู.
20:58
And like all parents since the dawn of time,
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ูˆูƒู…ุง ุงู„ุขุจุงุก ู…ู† ูุฌุฑ ุงู„ุชุงุฑูŠุฎุŒ
ุฃุฑุฏุช ุฃู† ุฃุญู…ูŠ ุฃุทูุงู„ูŠ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุฑุถ.
21:01
I wanted to protect my child from illness.
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ูˆุฃุฑุฏุช ุฃูŠุถู‹ุง ุฃู† ุฃุญู…ูŠ ู†ูุณูŠ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุฑุถ.
21:04
And I wanted, also, to protect myself from illness.
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21:07
And yet, I knew from the work I had done
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ูˆู…ุน ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ุนู„ู…ุช ู…ู† ุงู„ุนู…ู„ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃู†ุฌุฒุชู‡
ุฃู†ู‡ ุฅู† ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠู‡ ุฃูŠู‘ู‹ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑุงุถ ุงู„ุชูŠ ุณู†ุจุฏุฃ ุจุชุญู„ูŠู„ู‡ุง ุนู„ูŠู‡ุŒ
21:10
that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for,
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ูุณุชูƒูˆู† ู‡ุฐู‡ ู‡ูˆูŠุชู‡ ุงู„ู†ู‡ุงุฆูŠุฉุŒ
21:14
that those would ultimately be his identity,
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ูˆูƒูˆู†ู‡ุง ู‡ูˆูŠุชู‡ ูุณุชุตุจุญ ู‡ูˆูŠุชูŠุŒ
21:17
and if they were his identity, they would become my identity,
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21:21
that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.
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ุฃู† ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ู…ุฑุถ ูƒุงู† ุณูŠุฃุฎุฐ ุดูƒู„ุงู‹ ู…ุฎุชู„ูู‹ุง ุชู…ุงู…ู‹ุง ุนู†ุฏ ุชูƒุดู‘ูู‡.
21:25
We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner,
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ุฃุฎุฐู†ุงู‡ ุฅู„ู‰ ุขู„ุฉ ุงู„ุชุตูˆูŠุฑ ุจุงู„ุฑู†ูŠู† ุงู„ู…ุบู†ุงุทูŠุณูŠ ูˆุงู„ู…ุงุณุญุฉ ุงู„ุถูˆุฆูŠุฉุŒ
21:28
we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw.
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ุฃุฎุฐู†ุง ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุทูู„ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุนู…ุฑู‡ ูŠูˆู… ูˆุงุญุฏ ูˆุณุญุจู†ุง ุงู„ุฏู… ู…ู† ุดุฑูŠุงู†ู‡.
21:32
We felt helpless.
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ุดุนุฑู†ุง ุจุงู„ูŠุฃุณ.
21:33
And at the end of five hours,
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ูˆุจุนุฏ 5 ุณุงุนุงุชุŒ
ู‚ุงู„ูˆุง ู„ู†ุง ุฃู† ุฏู…ุงุบู‡ ู†ุธูŠู ุชู…ุงู…ู‹ุง
21:35
they said that his brain was completely clear
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21:37
and that he was by then extending his legs correctly.
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ูˆุฃู†ู‡ ุงู„ุขู† ูŠู…ุฏู‘ ุฃุฑุฌู„ู‡ ุจุดูƒู„ ุณู„ูŠู….
21:40
And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on,
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ูˆุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุณุฃู„ุชู ุงู„ุทุจูŠุจุฉ ู…ุงุฐุง ูƒุงู† ูŠุญุตู„ุŒ
21:43
she said she thought in the morning, he had probably had a cramp.
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ู‚ุงู„ุช ุจุฃู†ู‡ุง ููŠ ุงู„ุตุจุงุญ ุงุนุชู‚ุฏุช ุฃู†ู‡ ู‚ุฏ ูŠูƒูˆู† ู…ุชุดู†ู‘ุฌู‹ุง.
21:47
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
21:51
But I thought --
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ููƒุฑุช ูƒู… ูƒุงู†ุช ุฃู…ูŠ ู…ุญู‚ุฉ.
21:52
(Laughter)
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21:56
I thought how my mother was right.
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21:58
I thought, "The love you have for your children
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ููƒุฑุช ุฃู† ุงู„ุญุจ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุชูƒู†ู‘ู‡ ู„ุฃุทูุงู„ูƒ
22:02
is unlike any other feeling in the world.
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ู„ูŠุณ ูƒุฃูŠ ุดุนูˆุฑ ุขุฎุฑ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฅุทู„ุงู‚ุŒ
22:05
And until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.
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ูˆู„ู† ุชุนู„ู… ู…ุง ุฃุนู†ูŠู‡ ุฅู„ุง ุนู†ุฏู…ุง ุชู†ุฌุจ ุฃุทูุงู„ุงู‹.
ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู† ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ู‚ุฏ ูˆุฑู‘ุทูˆู†ูŠ
22:12
I think children had ensnared me
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22:14
the moment I connected fatherhood with loss.
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ููŠ ุงู„ู„ุญุธุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ุฑุจุทุช ููŠู‡ุง ุงู„ุฃุจูˆุฉ ุจูู‚ุฏุงู† ุฃุทูุงู„ูŠ.
ูˆู„ูƒู†ูŠ ุบูŠุฑ ู…ุชุฃูƒุฏ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ูƒู†ุช ุณุฃู„ุงุญุธ ู‡ุฐุง
22:18
But I'm not sure I would have noticed that
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ู„ูˆ ู„ู… ุฃูƒู† ู…ุชุนู…ู‘ู‚ุงู‹ ููŠ ู…ุดุฑูˆุนูŠ ุงู„ุจุญุซูŠ.
22:20
if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine.
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22:25
I'd encountered so much strange love,
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ู„ู‚ุฏ ุตุงุฏูุช ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุฃุดูƒุงู„ ุงู„ุญุจ ุงู„ุบุฑูŠุจุฉุŒ
22:28
and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns.
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ูˆู‚ุนุช ุจุดูƒู„ ุทุจูŠุนูŠ ุฌุฏู‹ุง ููŠ ุฃู†ู…ุงุทู‡ ุงู„ุฎู„ุงุจุฉุŒ
22:32
And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุฑุฃูŠุช ูƒูŠู ูŠู…ูƒู† ู„ู„ุชู…ูŠู‘ุฒ ุฃู† ูŠู‚ุถูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ุฃูƒุซุฑ ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุถุนูู‹ุง.
ุฎู„ุงู„ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุณู†ูˆุงุช ุงู„ุนุดุฑุŒ ุดู‡ุฏุชู ูˆุชุนู„ู…ุช
22:39
During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned
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ุงู„ู…ุชุนุฉ ุงู„ู…ุฑุนุจุฉ ู„ู„ู…ุณุคูˆู„ูŠุฉ ุงู„ุดุงู‚ุฉุŒ
22:43
the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility,
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22:46
and I had come to see how it conquers everything else.
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ูˆู‚ุฏ ุฑุฃูŠุช ูƒูŠู ุชู†ุชุตุฑ ุนู„ู‰ ูƒู„ ุดูŠุก ุขุฎุฑ.
ูˆู…ุน ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ููƒุฑุช ููŠ ุจุนุถ ุงู„ุฃุญูŠุงู† ุฃู† ุงู„ุฃู‡ู„ ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ู‚ุงุจู„ุชู‡ู… ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ู…ุบูู„ูŠู†ุŒ
22:50
And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools,
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22:54
enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children
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ูŠุญุจุณูˆู† ุฃู†ูุณู‡ู… ููŠ ุฑุญู„ุฉ ุทูˆุงู„ ุญูŠุงุชู‡ู… ู…ุน ุทูู„ู‡ู… ุงู„ุบูŠุฑ ู‚ุงุฏุฑ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุชููƒูŠุฑ
ู…ุญุงูˆู„ูŠู† ุฅุฎุฑุงุฌ ู‡ูˆูŠุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃู„ู…ุŒ
22:59
and trying to breed identity out of misery,
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ุฃุฏุฑูƒุช ููŠ ุฐู„ูƒ ุงู„ูŠูˆู… ุฃู† ุจุญุซูŠ ู‚ุฏ ุจู†ู‰ ู„ูŠ ู„ูˆุญู‹ุง ุฎุดุจูŠู‹ุง
23:02
I realized that day that my research had built me a plank
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ูˆุฃู†ู†ูŠ ูƒู†ุช ู…ุณุชุนุฏู‹ุง ู„ูƒูŠ ุฃู†ุถู… ุฅู„ูŠู‡ู… ููŠ ู…ุฑูƒุจู‡ู….
23:07
and that I was ready to join them on their ship.
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ุดูƒุฑู‹ุง ู„ูƒู….
23:10
Thank you.
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23:11
(Applause and cheers)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
23:20
Thank you.
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ุญูˆู„ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน

ุณูŠู‚ุฏู… ู„ูƒ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน ู…ู‚ุงุทุน ููŠุฏูŠูˆ YouTube ุงู„ู…ููŠุฏุฉ ู„ุชุนู„ู… ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ. ุณุชุฑู‰ ุฏุฑูˆุณ ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุชู… ุชุฏุฑูŠุณู‡ุง ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„ ู…ุฏุฑุณูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ุฏุฑุฌุฉ ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ู‰ ู…ู† ุฌู…ูŠุน ุฃู†ุญุงุก ุงู„ุนุงู„ู…. ุงู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ู…ุนุฑูˆุถุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ูƒู„ ุตูุญุฉ ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู…ู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ. ูŠุชู… ุชู…ุฑูŠุฑ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุงุช ุจุงู„ุชุฒุงู…ู† ู…ุน ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ. ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠูƒ ุฃูŠ ุชุนู„ูŠู‚ุงุช ุฃูˆ ุทู„ุจุงุช ุŒ ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ุจู†ุง ุจุงุณุชุฎุฏุงู… ู†ู…ูˆุฐุฌ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ู‡ุฐุง.

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