The voices in my head | Eleanor Longden

2,492,957 views ใƒป 2013-08-08

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์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Surie Lee ๊ฒ€ํ† : Yong-Hu Fang
00:12
The day I left home for the first time
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์ง‘๋– ๋‚˜ ์ฒ˜์Œ์œผ๋กœ
00:14
to go to university was a bright day
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๋Œ€ํ•™๊ต์— ๋“ฑ๊ตํ•˜๋˜ ๋‚ ์€ ํ™”์ฐฝํ•˜๊ณ 
00:16
brimming with hope and optimism.
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๋„˜์น ๋“ฏํ•œ ํฌ๋ง๊ณผ ๋‚™๊ด€์ด ํ•จ๊ป˜ ํ•œ ๋‚ ์ด์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
00:19
I'd done well at school. Expectations for me were high,
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์ €๋Š” ํ•™๊ต์—์„œ ์„ฑ์ ์ด ์šฐ์ˆ˜ํ–ˆ๊ณ , ์ €์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๊ธฐ๋Œ€๋„ ๋†’์•˜์–ด์š”.
00:22
and I gleefully entered the student life
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ „ ๋งค์šฐ ๊ธฐ์˜๊ฒŒ
00:24
of lectures, parties and traffic cone theft.
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๊ฐ•์˜์™€ ํŒŒํ‹ฐ, ๊ตํ†ต ํ‘œ์ง€๋ฅผ ํ›”์น˜๊ณ  ๋‹ค๋‹ˆ๋Š” ํ•™์ƒ ์ƒํ™œ์— ์ž…๋ฌธํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
00:28
Now appearances, of course, can be deceptive,
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์ €์˜ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๋ชจ์Šต๋“ค์ด, ๋ฌผ๋ก  ์†์ž„์ˆ˜์ผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์–ด์š”.
00:30
and to an extent, this feisty, energetic persona
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์–ด๋Š ์ •๋„๊นŒ์ง€๋Š” ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ ๊ทน์„ฑ,
00:34
of lecture-going and traffic cone stealing was a veneer,
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์ˆ˜์—…์— ์ฐธ์—ฌํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ตํ†ต ํ‘œ์ง€๋ฅผ ํ›”์น˜๋Š” ์—ด์ •์ ์ธ ์„ฑ๊ฒฉ์€
00:37
albeit a very well-crafted and convincing one.
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์ž˜ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด์ง€๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋Ÿด๋“ฏํ•˜๊ธฐ๋งŒ ํ•œ ๊ฒ‰ํฌ์žฅ์ด์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
00:40
Underneath, I was actually deeply unhappy, insecure
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๊ทธ ์ด๋ฉด์— ์ €๋Š” ์‹ค์ œ๋กœ ๋งค์šฐ ๋ถˆํ–‰ํ•˜๊ณ ,
00:43
and fundamentally frightened --
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๋ถˆ์•ˆํ•˜๊ณ , ๊ทผ๋ณธ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์–ด์š”
00:45
frightened of other people, of the future, of failure
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ด๋“ค์„, ๋ฏธ๋ž˜๋ฅผ, ์‹คํŒจ๋ฅผ,
00:49
and of the emptiness that I felt was within me.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‚ด๋ฉด์˜ ๊ณตํ—ˆํ•จ์„ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
00:51
But I was skilled at hiding it, and from the outside
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ €๋Š” ๋‘๋ ค์›€์„ ์ˆจ๊ธฐ๋Š”๋ฐ ์ต์ˆ™ํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
00:54
appeared to be someone with everything to hope for
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์™ธ๋ถ€์—์„œ๋Š” ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์— ํฌ๋ง์ ์ด๊ณ 
00:56
and aspire to.
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์—ด์ •์„ ๊ฐ€์ง„ ์ด๋กœ ๋ณด์˜€์ง€์š”.
00:57
This fantasy of invulnerability was so complete
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์ด ๋ฌด์ ์˜ ์‹ ํ™”๋Š” ๊ทธ๋ ‡๋“ฏ ์™„๋ฒฝํ•ด์„œ
01:01
that I even deceived myself,
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์ œ ์Šค์Šค๋กœ๋„ ์†์„ ์ •๋„์˜€์–ด์š”.
01:02
and as the first semester ended and the second began,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ ์ฒซ ํ•™๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ๋๋‚˜๊ณ  ๋‘๋ฒˆ์งธ ํ•™๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ์‹œ์ž‘๋˜์ž
01:05
there was no way that anyone could have predicted
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๋ฌด์Šจ ์ผ์ด ๋ฒŒ์–ด์งˆ์ง€ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ๋„ ์˜ˆ๊ฒฌํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š”
01:07
what was just about to happen.
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์ƒํ™ฉ์ด ๋ฒŒ์–ด์กŒ์–ด์š”.
01:10
I was leaving a seminar when it started,
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์ €๋Š” ์„ธ๋ฏธ๋‚˜๊ฐ€ ์‹œ์ž‘๋˜์ž ์ž๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋œจ๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
01:13
humming to myself, fumbling with my bag
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์ฝง๋…ธ๋ž˜๋ฅผ ๋ถ€๋ฅด๊ณ  ๊ฐ€๋ฐฉ์„ ๋งŒ์ง€์ž‘๊ฑฐ๋ฆฌ๋ฉด์„œ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
01:15
just as I'd done a hundred times before,
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์ „์— ๋ฐฑ์—ฌ ๋ฒˆ์€ ํ–ˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ์š”.
01:18
when suddenly I heard a voice calmly observe,
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ๋ฐ ๊ฐ‘์ž๊ธฐ ๋‚˜์ง€๋ง‰ํ•œ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋“ค๋ ธ์–ด์š”.
01:20
"She is leaving the room."
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"๊ทธ๋…€๊ฐ€ ๋ฐฉ์„ ๋‚˜๊ฐ€๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด."
01:23
I looked around, and there was no one there,
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์ฃผ๋ณ€์„ ๋‘˜๋Ÿฌ๋ณด์•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์•„๋ฌด๋„ ์—†์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
01:24
but the clarity and decisiveness of the comment
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ๋ถ„๋ช…ํ•˜๊ณ ๋„ ๋‹จํ˜ธํ•œ ๊ทธ ๋ง์€
01:27
was unmistakable.
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์ž˜๋ชป ๋“ค์—ˆ์„์ˆ˜๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
01:28
Shaken, I left my books on the stairs and hurried home,
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์ €๋Š” ๋ฒŒ๋ฒŒ ๋–จ๋ฉด์„œ ์ฑ…์„ ๊ณ„๋‹จ์— ๋‘” ์ฑ„๋กœ ์ง‘์œผ๋กœ ์„œ๋‘˜๋Ÿฌ ๋Œ์•„์™”์–ด์š”.
01:31
and there it was again.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ ๋‹ค์‹œ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋“ค๋ ธ์–ด์š”.
01:32
"She is opening the door."
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"๊ทธ๋…€๊ฐ€ ๋ฌธ์„ ์—ด๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด."
01:34
This was the beginning. The voice had arrived.
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์‹œ์ž‘์ด์—ˆ์–ด์š”. ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ €๋ฅผ ์ฐพ์•„์˜จ ๊ฑฐ์—์š”.
01:38
And the voice persisted,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ณ„์†๋˜์—ˆ์ง€์š”.
01:41
days and then weeks of it, on and on,
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๋ฉฐ์น  ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋ช‡์ฃผ, ์‰ฌ์ง€ ์•Š๊ณ  ๋ง์ด์—์š”,
01:43
narrating everything I did in the third person.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ํ•œ ๋ชจ๋“  ํ–‰๋™์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์‚ผ์ธ์นญ์œผ๋กœ ๋“ค๋ ค์คฌ์–ด์š”.
01:45
"She is going to the library."
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"๊ทธ๋…€๊ฐ€ ๋„์„œ๊ด€์— ๊ฐ€๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด."
01:47
"She is going to a lecture."
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"๊ทธ๋…€๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ•์˜์‹ค๋กœ ๊ฐ€๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด."
01:49
It was neutral, impassive and even, after a while,
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์ค‘๋ฆฝ์ ์ด๊ณ  ์•„๋ฌด๋Ÿฐ ๊ฐ์ •๋„ ์—†์ด, ์‹ฌ์ง€์–ด ๋ช‡ ๋ฒˆ ๋ฐ˜๋ณต๋œ ํ›„์—๋Š”
01:52
strangely companionate and reassuring,
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์นœ๊ทผํ•˜๊ณ  ์•ˆ์‹ฌ์ด ๋˜๊ธฐ์กฐ์ฐจ ํ–ˆ์ง€์š”.
01:54
although I did notice that its calm exterior sometimes slipped
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๊ทธ ์กฐ์šฉํ•œ ์กด์žฌ๊ฐ€ ๋•Œ๋กœ๋Š” ์‹ค์ˆ˜ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๊ณผ
01:58
and that it occasionally mirrored my own unexpressed emotion.
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์ด๋”ฐ๊ธˆ ์ˆจ์€ ๊ฐ์ •์„ ๋ฐ˜์˜ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ถ„๋ช…ํžˆ ์ธ์ง€ํ•˜๊ณ ์„œ๋„ ๋ง์ด์ง€์š”.
02:01
So, for example, if I was angry and had to hide it,
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์ฆ‰ ์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค์–ด, ํ™”๊ฐ€ ๋‚ฌ์ง€๋งŒ ์ˆจ๊ฒจ์•ผ ํ•  ๋•Œ
02:04
which I often did, being very adept at concealing how I really felt,
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์ข…์ข… ๊ทธ๋žฌ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋งค์šฐ ๋Šฅ์ˆ™ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์‹ค์ œ๋กœ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋Š๋ผ๋Š”์ง€๋ฅผ ์ˆจ๊ฒผ์ง€๋งŒ
02:07
then the voice would sound frustrated.
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๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ํ™”๋‚œ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋“ค๋ ธ์–ด์š”.
02:09
Otherwise, it was neither sinister nor disturbing,
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ๋ถˆ๊ธธํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๋ถˆ์•ˆํ•˜์ง€๋Š” ์•Š์•˜์–ด์š”.
02:12
although even at that point it was clear
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๊ทธ ์‹œ์ ์—์„œ ๋‚ด ๊ฐ์ •,
02:14
that it had something to communicate to me
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ํŠนํžˆ ๋ฉ€๊ณ  ์ ‘๊ทผํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š” ๊ฐ์ •๋“ค๊ณผ
02:16
about my emotions, particularly emotions
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๋‚˜ ์‚ฌ์ด์— ์†Œํ†ตํ•  ๊ทธ ๋ฌด์—‡์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด
02:19
which were remote and inaccessible.
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๋ถ„๋ช…ํ–ˆ์Œ์—๋„ ๋ถˆ๊ตฌํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
02:22
Now it was then that I made a fatal mistake,
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๊ทธ ๋‹น์‹œ ์ „ ์น˜๋ช…์ ์ธ ์‹ค์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
02:25
in that I told a friend about the voice, and she was horrified.
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์นœ๊ตฌ์—๊ฒŒ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜์ž, ๊ทธ ์นœ๊ตฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ฒ์„ ๋จน์€๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
02:28
A subtle conditioning process had begun,
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๋ฏธ๋ฌ˜ํ•œ ์กฐ์ ˆ ๊ณผ์ •์ด ์‹œ์ž‘๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
02:30
the implication that normal people don't hear voices
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๋ณดํ†ต ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋“ฃ์ง€ ์•Š๋Š”๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์˜ ์˜๋ฏธ์™€
02:34
and the fact that I did meant that something was very seriously wrong.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋งค์šฐ ์‹ฌ๊ฐํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ž˜๋ชป๋œ ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋งํ–ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ์‚ฌ์‹ค ์‚ฌ์ด์— ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
02:37
Such fear and mistrust was infectious.
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๊ทธ ๋‘๋ ค์›€๊ณผ ์˜ํ˜น์€ ๊ธˆ์ƒˆ ์ „ํŒŒ๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
02:41
Suddenly the voice didn't seem quite so benign anymore,
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๊ฐ‘์ž๊ธฐ ๋”์ด์ƒ ์ฒ˜์Œ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ ์นœ์ ˆํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋“ค๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์–ด์š”.
02:44
and when she insisted that I seek medical attention,
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์นœ๊ตฌ๋Š” ์ง„๋‹จ์„ ๋ฐ›์•„์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ €๋ฅผ ์„ค๋“ํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
02:46
I duly complied, and which proved to be
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์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ–ˆ๊ตฌ์š”,
02:48
mistake number two.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ €์˜ ๋‘๋ฒˆ์งธ ์‹ค์ˆ˜์˜€์ง€์š”.
02:50
I spent some time telling the college G.P.
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ํ•™์ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด์„œ ์–˜๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์ข€ ํ•˜๊ณ ์„ ,
02:52
about what I perceived to be the real problem:
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์ง„์งœ ๋ฌธ์ œ๋ผ๊ณ  ์—ฌ๊ฒจ์ง„ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค --
๋ถˆ์•ˆ, ๋‚ฎ์€ ์ž์กด๊ฐ, ๋ฏธ๋ž˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋‘๋ ค์›€์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์–˜๊ธฐํ•˜์ž
02:55
anxiety, low self-worth, fears about the future,
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02:57
and was met with bored indifference
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๊ทธ ์นœ๊ตฌ๋Š” ์ง€๋ฃจํ•œ ๋ฌด๊ด€์‹ฌ์„ ๋ณด์˜€๊ณ ,
02:59
until I mentioned the voice,
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๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์–˜๊ธฐํ•˜์ž
03:01
upon which he dropped his pen, swung round
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๋Œ๋ฆฌ๋˜ ํŽœ์„ ๋–จ๊ตฌ๊ณ 
03:03
and began to question me with a show of real interest.
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์ง„์ •ํ•œ ๊ด€์‹ฌ์„ ๋ณด์ด๋Š” ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ํ•˜๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
03:06
And to be fair, I was desperate for interest and help,
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์ „ ๊ด€์‹ฌ๊ณผ ๋„์›€์ด ์ ˆ์‹คํ–ˆ๊ธฐ์—
03:08
and I began to tell him about my strange commentator.
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๊ธฐ์ดํ•œ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ์ง€์š”.
03:11
And I always wish, at this point, the voice had said,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ „ ์ด ์‹œ์ ์—์„œ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ•ญ์ƒ
"๊ทธ๋…€๋Š” ์ œ ๋ฌด๋ค์„ ํŒŒ๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด."๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•ด์ฃผ์—ˆ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ”๋žฌ์ฃ .
03:14
"She is digging her own grave."
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03:15
I was referred to a psychiatrist, who likewise
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ํ•œ ์ •์‹ ๊ณผ ์˜์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ์†Œ๊ฐœ ๋ฐ›์•˜๋Š”๋ฐ,
03:19
took a grim view of the voice's presence,
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๊ทธ๋Š” ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์˜ ์กด์žฌ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์–ด๋‘์šด ์‹œ๊ฐ์„ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ๊ณ ,
03:21
subsequently interpreting everything I said
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์–˜๊ธฐํ•˜๋Š” ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์„
์ž ์žฌ์ ์ธ ์ •์‹ ๋ณ‘์˜ ๊ด€์ ์—์„œ ํ•ด์„ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:24
through a lens of latent insanity.
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03:26
For example, I was part of a student TV station
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์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค์–ด, ์ €๋Š” ๊ต๋‚ด ์†Œ์‹์„ ์ „ํ•˜๋Š”
03:29
that broadcast news bulletins around the campus,
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ํ•™๊ต ๋ฐฉ์†ก๊ตญ์—์„œ ์ผํ–ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ
03:31
and during an appointment which was running very late,
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์•ฝ์† ์‹œ๊ฐ„์— ๋งค์šฐ ๋Šฆ์–ด
03:33
I said, "I'm sorry, doctor, I've got to go.
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"์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜ ์ฃ„์†กํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ฐ€๋ด์•ผ๊ฒ ์–ด์š”.
03:35
I'm reading the news at six."
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์—ฌ์„ฏ์‹œ์— ๋‰ด์Šค๋ฅผ ์ง„ํ–‰ํ•ด์•ผ ํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋“ ์š”." ๋ผ๊ณ  ํ–ˆ๋”๋‹ˆ
03:36
Now it's down on my medical records that Eleanor
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์ง„๋ฃŒ ๊ธฐ๋ก์— ์ œ๊ฒŒ ๋ฐฉ์†ก๊ตญ ๋‰ด์Šค ์ง„ํ–‰์ž๋ผ๋Š”
๋ง์ƒ์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ ์–ด๋†“์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:39
has delusions that she's a television news broadcaster.
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03:42
It was at this point that events began
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์ด ์ผ์„ ์‹œ์ž‘์œผ๋กœ ์ผ๋ จ์˜ ์‚ฌ๊ฑด๋“ค์ด
03:45
to rapidly overtake me.
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์ €๋ฅผ ๋”ฐ๋ผ์™”์–ด์š”.
03:47
A hospital admission followed, the first of many,
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์ œ์ผ ๋จผ์ €, ๋ณ‘์›์— ์ž…์›ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ๊ณ ,
03:50
a diagnosis of schizophrenia came next,
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๊ทธ ๋’ค์— ์ •์‹  ๋ถ„์—ด์ฆ ์ง„๋‹จ์ด ๋‚˜์™”์–ด์š”.
03:53
and then, worst of all, a toxic, tormenting sense
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ตœ์•…์ด์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์€, ์ œ ์ž์‹ ๊ณผ ์ œ ์žฅ๋ž˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ
03:56
of hopelessness, humiliation and despair
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๊ฐ€๋ง์—†๊ณ  ๊ตด์š•์ ์ด๋ฉฐ ์ ˆ๋ง์ ์ธ,
04:00
about myself and my prospects.
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๋”์ฐํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ณ ํ†ต์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ๊ฐ์ •์ด ์ฐพ์•„์˜จ๊ฑฐ์—์š”.
04:02
But having been encouraged to see the voice
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ผ์ƒ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
04:05
not as an experience but as a symptom,
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๋ณ‘๋ฆฌ ์ฆ์ƒ์œผ๋กœ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋˜๋ฉด์„œ
04:07
my fear and resistance towards it intensified.
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๊ทธ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋‘๋ ค์›€๊ณผ ์ €ํ•ญ์€ ๋”์šฑ ๊ฐ€์ค‘๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
04:10
Now essentially, this represented taking
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ํ•„์—ฐ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ œ ์˜์‹์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด์„œ
04:12
an aggressive stance towards my own mind,
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ํ˜ธ์ „์  ํƒœ๋„๋ฅผ ๊ฐ–๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
04:14
a kind of psychic civil war,
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์ผ์ข…์˜ ์ •์‹ ์  ์ „์Ÿ์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
04:17
and in turn this caused the number of voices to increase
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ์ž ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋“ค๋ฆฌ๋Š” ํšŸ์ˆ˜๊ฐ€ ๋”์šฑ ์žฆ์•„์กŒ์–ด์š”.
04:20
and grow progressively hostile and menacing.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ ์  ์ ์˜์™€ ์œ„ํ˜‘์˜ ์ˆ˜์œ„๊ฐ€ ๋†’์•„์กŒ์–ด์š”.
04:23
Helplessly and hopelessly, I began to retreat
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๋ฌด๊ธฐ๋ ฅํ•˜๊ณ  ์ ˆ๋ง์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ๋‚˜๋จธ์ง€ ์ €๋Š”
04:27
into this nightmarish inner world
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์ด ์•…๋ชฝ๊ฐ™์€ ๋‚ด๋ฉด ์„ธ๊ณ„์— ๊ตด๋ณตํ•˜๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜์˜€๊ณ 
04:29
in which the voices were destined to become
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๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์šด๋ช…์ ์œผ๋กœ
04:31
both my persecutors and my only perceived companions.
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์ €์˜ ๋ฐ•ํ•ด์ž์ด์ž ์œ ์ผํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ธ์ง€๋˜๋Š” ๋™๋ฐ˜์ž๊ฐ€ ๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
04:35
They told me, for example, that if I proved myself worthy
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์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค์–ด, ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋“ค์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋„์›€์„ ๋ฐ›์„๋งŒํ•œ
04:38
of their help, then they could change my life
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๊ฐ€์น˜๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฆ๋ช…ํ•˜๋ฉด ์ œ ์‚ถ์„ ์ด์ „์˜ ์ƒํƒœ๋กœ
04:40
back to how it had been,
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๋˜๋Œ๋ ค ์ค„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
04:41
and a series of increasingly bizarre tasks was set,
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ํ—ค๋ผํด๋ ˆ์Šค๋งŒ์ด ๋Šฅํžˆ ํ•ด๋‚ผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์„ ๋ฒ•ํ•œ
04:44
a kind of labor of Hercules.
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๊ธฐ๊ดดํ•œ ์ผ๋“ค์ด ์—ฐ์†ํ•ด์„œ ์ผ์–ด๋‚ฌ์–ด์š”.
04:46
It started off quite small, for example,
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์•„์ฃผ ์ž‘์€ ๊ฒƒ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”. ์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค๋ฉด,
04:48
pull out three strands of hair,
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๋จธ๋ฆฌ์นด๋ฝ ์„ธ ๊ฐ€๋‹ฅ์„ ๋ฝ‘๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๊ฐ™์€ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
04:50
but gradually it grew more extreme,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ ์  ๋” ๊ทน๋‹จ์ ์ธ ๊ฒƒ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐœ์ „ํ•ด,
04:51
culminating in commands to harm myself,
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์ตœ๊ณ ์กฐ์— ์ด๋ฅด์ž ์žํ•ด๋ฅผ ์ง€์‹œํ•˜๋Š” ์ˆ˜์ค€์ด ๋˜์—ˆ๊ณ ,
04:54
and a particularly dramatic instruction:
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ํŠน๋ณ„ํžˆ ๊ทน์ ์ธ ์ง€์‹œ๊ฐ€ ๋‚ด๋ ค์กŒ์–ด์š”.
04:56
"You see that tutor over there?
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"์ €๊ธฐ ์ € ๊ฐ•์‚ฌ ๋ณด์ด์ง€?
04:58
You see that glass of water?
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์ €๊ธฐ ๋ฌผ์ปต ๋ณด์ด์ง€?
04:59
Well, you have to go over and pour it over him in front of the other students."
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์ข‹์•„, ์ € ๊ฐ•์‚ฌ์—๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€์„œ ํ•™์ƒ๋“ค์ด ๋ณด๋Š” ์•ž์—์„œ ์ปต์— ๋“  ๋ฌผ์„ ๋ถ€์–ด๋ฒ„๋ ค."
05:02
Which I actually did, and which needless to say
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์‹ค์ œ๋กœ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ–ˆ๊ณ , ๋งํ•  ํ•„์š”์—†์ด
05:04
did not endear me to the faculty.
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๊ต์ˆ˜๋‹˜๋“ค์€ ์ €๋ฅผ ์‹ซ์–ดํ–ˆ์ง€์š”.
05:06
In effect, a vicious cycle of fear, avoidance,
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๊ทธ ์˜ํ–ฅ์œผ๋กœ ์ž”์ธํ•œ ๋‘๋ ค์›€๊ณผ ํšŒํ”ผ,
05:10
mistrust and misunderstanding had been established,
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๋ถˆ์‹ ๊ณผ ์˜คํ•ด์˜ ์ˆœํ™˜์ด ๋ฐ˜๋ณต๋˜์—ˆ๊ณ ,
05:13
and this was a battle in which I felt powerless
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์ด ์ „์Ÿ์€ ์ €๋ฅผ ๋ฌด๊ธฐ๋ ฅํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋งŒ๋“ค๊ณ 
05:15
and incapable of establishing any kind of peace or reconciliation.
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์•„๋ฌด๋Ÿฐ ํ‰ํ™”๋‚˜ ํ™”ํ•ด๋„ ์ฐพ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
05:20
Two years later, and the deterioration was dramatic.
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2๋…„ ํ›„, ์•…ํ™”๋œ ์ƒํƒœ๋Š” ๋ณผ ๋งŒํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
05:23
By now, I had the whole frenzied repertoire:
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์ง€๊ธˆ๊นŒ์ง€ ์ €๋Š” ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ด‘์ ์ธ ๋ ˆํผํ† ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ชจ๋‘ ๊ฐ–๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
05:27
terrifying voices, grotesque visions,
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๊ฒ๋‚˜๋Š” ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ, ๊ธฐ๊ดดํ•œ ํ™˜์˜
05:30
bizarre, intractable delusions.
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๊ดด์ƒํ•˜๋„ ๋–จ์น  ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š” ๋ง์ƒ๋“ค.
05:33
My mental health status had been a catalyst
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์ œ ์ •์‹  ๊ฑด๊ฐ• ์ƒํƒœ๋Š” ์ฐจ๋ณ„๊ณผ ์–ธ์–ด ํญ๋ ฅ,
05:35
for discrimination, verbal abuse,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์œก์ฒด์ ์ด๊ณ  ์„ฑ์ ์ธ ํญํ–‰์˜
05:38
and physical and sexual assault,
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๊ทผ์›์ด ๋˜์—ˆ๊ณ ,
05:40
and I'd been told by my psychiatrist,
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์ •์‹ ๊ณผ ์˜์‚ฌ๋Š” ์ €์—๊ฒŒ
05:42
"Eleanor, you'd be better off with cancer,
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"์—˜๋ ˆ๋…ธ์–ด, ์ฐจ๋ผ๋ฆฌ ์•”์— ๊ฑธ๋ฆฌ๋Š”๊ฒŒ ๋‚˜์•„,
05:44
because cancer is easier to cure than schizophrenia."
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์•”์€ ์ •์‹  ๋ถ„์—ด์ฆ๋ณด๋‹ค ๊ณ ์น˜๊ธฐ ์‰ฝ๊ฑฐ๋“ ." ๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜๋”๊ตฐ์š”.
05:48
I'd been diagnosed, drugged and discarded,
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์ง„๋‹จ๋ฐ›๊ณ  ์•ฝ๋„ ์ฒ˜๋ฐฉ ๋ฐ›์•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ํฌ๊ธฐํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
05:51
and was by now so tormented by the voices
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์ด์ œ๋Š” ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋กœ ์ธํ•œ ๊ณ ํ†ต์ด ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ์‹ฌํ•ด
05:53
that I attempted to drill a hole in my head
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์ œ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ์— ๊ตฌ๋ฉ์„ ๋šซ์–ด
05:56
in order to get them out.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์„ ๊บผ๋‚ด ๋ฒ„๋ฆฌ๋ ค๊ณ ๊นŒ์ง€ ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
05:58
Now looking back on the wreckage and despair of those years,
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์ด์ œ์™€ ๊ทธ ํŒŒ๊ดด๋˜๊ณ  ์ ˆ๋ง์Šค๋Ÿฌ์› ๋˜ ๊ทธ ์‹œ๊ฐ„๋“ค์„ ๋’ค๋Œ์•„๋ณด๋ฉด
06:02
it seems to me now as if someone died in that place,
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๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๋Š” ๊ทธ ์ž๋ฆฌ์—์„œ ์ฃฝ๊ณ ,
06:06
and yet, someone else was saved.
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๋™์‹œ์— ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๋Š” ์‚ด์•„๋‚จ์€ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ณด์—ฌ์š”.
06:09
A broken and haunted person began that journey,
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๋ถ€์„œ์ง€๊ณ  ๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€์— ํ™€๋ฆฐ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ๊ทธ ์—ฌ์ •์„ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ์œผ๋‚˜
06:13
but the person who emerged was a survivor
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๊ทธ ๊ธธ์—์„œ ๋ฒ—์–ด๋‚œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์€ ์‚ด์•„๋‚จ์€ ์ž์˜€๊ณ ,
06:16
and would ultimately grow into the person
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๊ฒฐ๊ตญ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ชฉํ‘œํ–ˆ๋˜ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์œผ๋กœ
06:18
I was destined to be.
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์„ฑ์žฅํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:20
Many people have harmed me in my life,
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์ œ ์ธ์ƒ์—์„œ ๋งŽ์€ ์ด๋“ค์ด ์ €๋ฅผ ๋‹ค์น˜๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๊ณ 
06:23
and I remember them all,
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๊ทธ๋“ค ๋ชจ๋‘๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ์–ตํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
06:24
but the memories grow pale and faint
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์ €๋ฅผ ๋„์™€์ฃผ์—ˆ๋˜ ์ด๋“ค์˜ ๊ธฐ์–ต์— ๋ฐ˜ํ•ด
06:27
in comparison with the people who've helped me.
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๊ทธ ๊ธฐ์–ต์€ ์ ์ฐจ ํฌ๋ฏธํ•ด์ง€๊ณ  ์žŠํ˜€์กŒ์–ด์š”.
06:31
The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers,
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๋™๋ฐ˜ ์ƒ์กด์ž๋“ค, ๋‚ด ๋ง์„ ๋“ค์–ด์ค€ ์ด๋“ค,
06:33
the comrades and collaborators;
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์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค๊ณผ ํ˜‘์กฐ์ž๋“ค,
06:35
the mother who never gave up on me,
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์ €๋ฅผ ๊ฒฐ์ฝ” ํฌ๊ธฐํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์œผ์…จ๋˜ ์–ด๋จธ๋‹ˆ,
06:38
who knew that one day I would come back to her
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์–ด๋จธ๋‹ˆ๋Š” ์–ธ์  ๊ฐ€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ ๋ถ„์—๊ฒŒ ๋Œ์•„์˜ฌ ๊ฑธ ๋ฏฟ์—ˆ๊ณ 
06:40
and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took;
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์ด ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ๊ธด ์‹œ๊ฐ„์ด ๊ฑธ๋ฆด์ง€๋ผ๋ผ๋„ ๋ง์ด์—์š”.
06:44
the doctor who only worked with me for a brief time
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์˜์‚ฌ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜์€ ์งง์€ ๊ธฐ๊ฐ„๋งŒ ์ €๋ฅผ ์น˜๋ฃŒํ•ด ์ฃผ์…จ์ง€๋งŒ
06:47
but who reinforced his belief that recovery
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์ €์—๊ฒŒ ํšŒ๋ณต์ด ๊ฐ€๋Šฅํ•  ๋ฟ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
06:49
was not only possible but inevitable,
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๊ผญ ์ด๋ฃจ์–ด์งˆ ๊ฑฐ๋ผ๋Š” ๋ฏฟ์Œ์„ ์ฃผ์…จ๊ณ ,
06:51
and during a devastating period of relapse
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์ถฉ๊ฒฉ์ ์ด์—ˆ๋˜ ์žฌ๋ฐœ ๊ธฐ๊ฐ„๋™์•ˆ
06:53
told my terrified family, "Don't give up hope.
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๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•˜๋Š” ์ œ ๊ฐ€์กฑ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ "ํฌ๋ง์„ ๋ฒ„๋ฆฌ์ง€ ๋งˆ์„ธ์š”,
06:56
I believe that Eleanor can get through this.
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์ €๋Š” ์—˜๋ ˆ๋…ธ์–ด๊ฐ€ ์ด ์‹œ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์ด๊ฒจ๋‚ผ ๊ฑฐ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ฏฟ์–ด์š”.
06:59
Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May,
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์•„์‹œ์ฃ , ๋•Œ๋กœ๋Š” 5์›”์—๋„ ๋ˆˆ์ด ๋‚ด๋ฆฌ์ง€๋งŒ
07:02
but summer always comes eventually."
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๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ์—ฌ๋ฆ„์€ ์˜ค๊ธฐ ๋งˆ๋ จ์ด์—์š”." ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•ด ์ฃผ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:06
Fourteen minutes is not enough time
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14๋ถ„์ด๋ž€ ์ด ์งง์€ ์‹œ๊ฐ„์€
07:07
to fully credit those good and generous people
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๋ชจ๋“  ์นœ์ ˆํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ณ ๋งˆ์šด ์ด๋“ค,
07:10
who fought with me and for me
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๋‚ด ํŽธ์—์„œ ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ์œ„ํ•ด ์‹ธ์›Œ์ฃผ๊ณ  ๊ดด๋กญ๊ณ  ์™ธ๋กœ์šด ๊ณณ์—์„œ
07:12
and who waited to welcome me back
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋Œ์•„์˜ฌ ๊ฒƒ์„ ๊ธฐ๋‹ค๋ ค ์ค€ ์ด๋“ค ๋ชจ๋‘๋ฅผ
07:14
from that agonized, lonely place.
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๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ธฐ์—๋Š” ๋ถ€์กฑํ•œ ์‹œ๊ฐ„์ด์—์š”.
07:17
But together, they forged a blend of courage,
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์ด๋“ค์€ ๋ชจ๋‘ ํ•จ๊ป˜ ์šฉ๊ธฐ์™€ ์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ์•„์ด๋””์–ด, ์กด์—„์„ฑ๊ณผ
07:19
creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief
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์‚ฐ์‚ฐ์กฐ๊ฐ๋‚œ ์ œ ์ž์•„๊ฐ€ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋˜๊ณ  ์žฌ๊ฒฐํ•ฉ๋  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š”
07:22
that my shattered self could become healed and whole.
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ํ”๋“ค๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ๋ฏฟ์Œ์˜ ๊ฒฐํ•ฉ์„ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด์ฃผ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
07:26
I used to say that these people saved me,
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์ด๋“ค์ด ์ €๋ฅผ ์‚ด๋ ธ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜๊ณค ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ,
07:28
but what I now know is they did something
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์ด์ œ์‚ฌ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ๋œ ๊ฒƒ์€, ๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ํ•œ ์ผ๋“ค์ด
07:30
even more important in that they empowered me
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์ œ ์ž์‹ ์„ ์‚ด๋ฆฌ๋„๋ก ํž˜์„ ๋ถˆ์–ด๋„ฃ์–ด ์ค€ ๊ฒƒ
07:32
to save myself,
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๊ทธ ์ด์ƒ์ด๊ณ ,
07:34
and crucially, they helped me to understand something
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๊ฒฐ์ •์ ์œผ๋กœ ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋Š˜ ์˜์‹ฌํ•˜๋˜
07:36
which I'd always suspected:
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์–ด๋–ค ๊ฒƒ์„ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๋Š”๋ฐ ๋„์›€์„ ์ฃผ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
07:38
that my voices were a meaningful response
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์ฆ‰ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ œ ์ธ์ƒ์˜ ํŠธ๋ผ์šฐ๋งˆ๋กœ ๋‚จ์€ ๊ธฐ์–ต๋“ค,
07:40
to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events,
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ํŠนํžˆ ์–ด๋ฆฐ ์‹œ์ ˆ์˜ ๊ธฐ์–ต๋“ค์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์˜๋ฏธ์‹ฌ์žฅํ•œ ๋ฐ˜์‘์ด๊ณ ,
07:43
and as such were not my enemies
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋‚˜์˜ ์ ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
07:45
but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems.
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ํ•ด๊ฒฐ ๊ฐ€๋Šฅํ•œ ๊ฐ์ •์  ๋ฌธ์ œ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์ง๊ด€์˜ ๊ทผ์›์ด๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
07:50
Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe,
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ์ฒ˜์Œ์—๋Š” ๋ฏฟ๊ธฐ ์–ด๋ ค์› ์–ด์š”.
07:53
not least because the voices appeared so hostile
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ํŠนํžˆ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋“ค์ด ์ ๋Œ€์ ์ด๊ณ 
07:55
and menacing, so in this respect, a vital first step
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์œ„ํ˜‘์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚ฌ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ์ด ์ ์— ์žˆ์–ด์„œ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋‚ด๋””๋Ž ๋˜ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ์ฒซ๋ฐœ์€
07:59
was learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning
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์€์œ ์ ์ธ ์˜๋ฏธ๋ฅผ
08:01
from what I'd previously interpreted to be a literal truth.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ๋ฌธ์ž๊ทธ ๋Œ€๋กœ์˜ ์˜๋ฏธ๋กœ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ๊ตฌ๋ถ„ํ•ด ๋‚ด๋Š”๊ฒƒ์„ ํ•™์Šตํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
08:05
So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home
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์ฆ‰ ์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค์–ด ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์ง‘์„ ๊ณต๊ฒฉํ•˜๊ฒ ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์œ„ํ˜‘ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋Š”
08:08
I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear
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์‹ค์ œ์ ์ธ ๊ตฌ์ฒด์  ๋Œ€์ƒ์˜ ์œ„ํ˜‘์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
08:11
and insecurity in the world, rather than an actual, objective danger.
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๋‚ด๋ฉด์˜ ๋‘๋ ค์›€๊ณผ ์„ธ์ƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋ถˆ์•ˆํ•œ ๊ฐ์ •๋“ค๋กœ ํ•ด์„ํ•ด์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
08:15
Now at first, I would have believed them.
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์ฒ˜์Œ์—๋Š” ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋“ค์„ ๋ฏฟ์–ด์•ผ ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
08:17
I remember, for example, sitting up one night
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ํ•œ ์˜ˆ๋กœ, ์–ด๋Š ๋‚  ๋ฐค ๋ถ€๋ชจ๋‹˜์˜ ๋ฐฉ์„ ์ง€ํ‚ค๋ ค๊ณ 
08:18
on guard outside my parents' room to protect them
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๊นจ์–ด ์•‰์•„์žˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ์ƒ๊ฐ์ด ๋‚˜์š”.
08:21
from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices.
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๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์˜ ์œ„ํ˜‘์ด ์‹ค์ œ ํ˜‘๋ฐ•์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ .
08:24
Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury
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์žํ•ด์˜ ์œ„ํ—˜์ด ์žˆ์—ˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์—
08:27
that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden,
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์ง‘์•ˆ์˜ ์‹์‚ฌ์šฉ ์นผ, ํฌํฌ๋Š” ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„ ์ˆจ๊ฒจ์ ธ ์žˆ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
08:29
so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork,
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๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ์ €๋Š” ํ”Œ๋ผ์Šคํ‹ฑ ํฌํฌ๋กœ ์ € ์ž์‹ ์„ ๋ฌด์žฅํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
08:32
kind of like picnic ware, and sort of sat outside the room
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๊ทธ ์†Œํ’๊ฐˆ๋•Œ ๋“ค๊ณ  ๊ฐ€๋Š”๊ฑฐ ๋ง์ด์—์š”, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณค ๋ฐฉ๋ฌธ ์•ž์— ์•‰์•„
๋ฌด์Šจ ์ผ์ด ์ผ์–ด๋‚˜๋ฉด ์ฆ‰์‹œ ๋Œ€์‘ํ•˜๋ ค๊ณ  ํ–ˆ์ง€์š”
08:35
clutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen.
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08:38
It was like, "Don't mess with me.
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๊ทธ๊ฑด ๋งˆ์น˜ "๊นŒ๋ถˆ์ง€๋งˆ.
08:40
I've got a plastic fork, don't you know?"
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๋‚˜ํ•œํ…Œ ํ”Œ๋ผ์Šคํ‹ฑ ํฌํฌ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์–ด, ์•Œ์ง€?" ๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์•˜์ฃ .
08:43
Strategic.
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๋‚˜๋ฆ„ ์ „๋žต์ ์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
08:44
But a later response, and much more useful,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ ์ดํ›„์˜ ๋Œ€์‘์€ ํ›จ์”ฌ ๋” ์œ ์šฉํ–ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ,
08:47
would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words,
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๋ฌธ์žฅ ์ด๋ฉด์˜ ์˜๋ฏธ๋ฅผ ์žฌ๊ตฌ์„ฑํ•ด๋ณด๋ ค๊ณ  ๋…ธ๋ ฅํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
08:51
so when the voices warned me not to leave the house,
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ง‘์„ ๋– ๋‚˜์ง€ ๋ง๋ผ๊ณ  ๊ฒฝ๊ณ ํ•˜๋ฉด,
08:54
then I would thank them for drawing my attention
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๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ๋ถˆ์•ˆํ•ดํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€๋ฅผ ์•Œ๊ฒŒํ•ด์ฃผ์–ด
08:56
to how unsafe I felt --
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•˜๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋Š๊ผˆ์ง€์š”.
08:57
because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it --
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊นจ๋‹ซ๊ณ  ์žˆ์œผ๋ฉด ๊ธ์ •์ ์ธ ๋Œ€์‘์„ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์œผ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”.
09:00
but go on to reassure both them and myself
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๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์™€ ์ œ ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ ๋ชจ๋‘
09:03
that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์•ˆ์ „ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋”์ด์ƒ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œ ํ•  ํ•„์š”๊ฐ€ ์—†๋‹ค๊ณ  ์•ˆ์‹ฌ์‹œ์ผฐ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:06
I would set boundaries for the voices,
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๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๊ฒฝ๊ณ„๋ฅผ ์ •ํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
09:08
and try to interact with them in a way that was assertive
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๋‹น๋‹นํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์กด์ค‘ํ•˜๋Š” ํƒœ๋„๋กœ ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์—
๋ฐ˜์‘ํ•˜๋ ค ๋…ธ๋ ฅํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
09:11
yet respectful, establishing a slow process
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09:13
of communication and collaboration
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์†Œํ†ต๊ณผ ํ˜‘๋ ฅ์˜ ๊ด€๊ณ„๋ฅผ ์„œ์„œํžˆ ์ˆ˜๋ฆฝํ•˜๊ณ ,
09:15
in which we could learn to work together and support one another.
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ํ•จ๊ป˜ ์ผํ•˜๊ณ  ์„œ๋กœ๋ฅผ ๋„์šธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ๋ฐฐ์šฐ๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด์„œ์˜€์ฃ .
09:18
Throughout all of this, what I would ultimately realize
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์ด ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ณผ์ •์„ ์ง€๋‚˜, ๊ถ๊ทน์ ์œผ๋กœ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์€ ๊ฒƒ์€
09:21
was that each voice was closely related
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๊ฐ๊ฐ์˜ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ €์˜ ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ๋ชจ์Šต๋“ค,
09:23
to aspects of myself, and that each of them
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๊ทธ ํ•˜๋‚˜ํ•˜๋‚˜์™€ ๋ฐ€์ ‘ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์—ฐ๊ด€๋˜์–ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:25
carried overwhelming emotions that I'd never had
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๊ทธ ๊ฐ๊ฐ์€ ์••๋„์ ์ธ ๊ฐ์ •์„ ์ง€๋‹ˆ๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด์„œ ์ €๋Š”
์„ฑ์ ์ธ ํŠธ๋ผ์šฐ๋งˆ์™€ ์„ฑํฌ๋กฑ์˜ ๊ธฐ์–ต๋“ค,
09:28
an opportunity to process or resolve,
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09:30
memories of sexual trauma and abuse,
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๋ถ„๋…ธ, ์ˆ˜์น˜, ์ฃ„์˜์‹, ๋‚ฎ์€ ์ž์กด๊ฐ ๊ฐ™์€ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์„
09:32
of anger, shame, guilt, low self-worth.
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์ง„ํ–‰ํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ํ•ด๊ฒฐํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ธฐํšŒ์กฐ์ฐจ ๊ฐ–์ง€ ๋ชปํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:35
The voices took the place of this pain
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๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ด ์•„ํ””๋“ค์˜ ์ž๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ฐจ์ง€ํ•˜๊ณ 
09:38
and gave words to it,
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๊ฐ๊ฐ์— ๊ทธ ๋ง๋“ค์„ ์ „ํ•ด ์ฃผ์—ˆ๋˜๊ฑฐ์—์š”.
09:39
and possibly one of the greatest revelations
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํฐ ์ˆ˜ํ™• ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋Š”
09:41
was when I realized that the most hostile and aggressive voices
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๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ ๋Œ€์ ์ด๊ณ  ๊ณต๊ฒฉ์ ์ธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์˜ ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์ด
09:44
actually represented the parts of me
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์‹ค์ œ๋กœ๋Š” ๋งˆ์Œ ๊นŠ์€ ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋ฐ›์•˜๋˜ ์ƒ์ฒ˜๋ฅผ
09:46
that had been hurt most profoundly,
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๋Œ€๋ณ€ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ์ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:48
and as such, it was these voices
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ ๋ง์ธ ์ฆ‰์Šจ, ์ด ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€
09:50
that needed to be shown the greatest compassion and care.
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๊ฐ€์žฅ ์œ„๋กœ์™€ ๋ณดํ˜ธ๊ฐ€ ํ•„์š”ํ•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ์–˜๊ธฐ์ง€์š”.
09:53
It was armed with this knowledge that ultimately
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์Œ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฌด์žฅํ•˜๊ฒŒ๋˜์ž,
09:56
I would gather together my shattered self,
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๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ๊ฐ๊ฐ์˜ ์กฐ๊ฐ์ด ์„œ๋กœ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ˜์˜ํ•˜๋Š”
09:59
each fragment represented by a different voice,
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์ œ ์‚ฐ์‚ฐ์กฐ๊ฐ๋‚œ ์ž์•„๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋กœ ๋ชจ์•„
10:01
gradually withdraw from all my medication,
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์ ์ฐจ ๋ชจ๋“  ์•ฝ์„ ๋Š๊ณ  ์ •์‹ ๊ณผ ์˜์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ๋‹ค์‹œ ์ฐพ์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:03
and return to psychiatry, only this time from the other side.
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์ด์ œ๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ๋˜์–ด์„œ์š”.
10:08
Ten years after the voice first came, I finally graduated,
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๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ฐพ์•„์˜จ์ง€ ์‹ญ ๋…„๋งŒ์—
10:12
this time with the highest degree in psychology
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์‹ฌ๋ฆฌํ•™ ์ „๊ณต์œผ๋กœ ๋Œ€ํ•™์—์„œ ์ค„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š”
10:14
the university had ever given, and one year later,
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๊ฐ€์žฅ ๋†’์€ ์ ์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›๊ณ  ์กธ์—…ํ•œ ๋’ค, ์ผ๋…„ ํ›„์—๋Š”
10:16
the highest masters, which shall we say
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์ตœ์šฐ๋“ฑ์ƒ์œผ๋กœ ์„์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ๋งˆ์ณค์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:18
isn't bad for a madwoman.
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๋ฏธ์นœ ์—ฌ์ž์—๊ฒŒ ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ ๋‚˜์˜์ง€ ์•Š์€ ๊ฑฐ๋ผ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ฒ ๋„ค์š”.
10:20
In fact, one of the voices actually dictated the answers
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์‚ฌ์‹ค์€ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜๊ฐ€ ์‹ค์ œ๋กœ ์‹œํ—˜๋ณด๋Š” ๋™์•ˆ ๋‹ต์„ ์•Œ๋ ค์คฌ์–ด์š”.
10:22
during the exam, which technically possibly counts as cheating.
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์•„๋งˆ๋„ ์ปจ๋‹์œผ๋กœ ํŒ๋‹จ๋  ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์„๊ฑฐ์—์š”.
(์›ƒ์Œ)
10:26
(Laughter)
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10:27
And to be honest, sometimes I quite enjoyed their attention as well.
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์†”์งํžˆ ๋งํ•ด ๊ฐ€๋” ๊ทธ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์˜ ๊ด€์‹ฌ์„ ๊ฝค๋‚˜ ์ฆ๊ธฐ๊ธฐ๋„ ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
10:30
As Oscar Wilde has said, the only thing worse
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์˜ค์Šค์นด ์™€์ผ๋“œ๊ฐ€ ๋งํ–ˆ๋“ฏ์ด, ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ์˜ ๋Œ€์ƒ์ด ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋ณด๋‹ค
๋‚˜์œ ๊ฒƒ ๋‹จ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋Š”, ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ์˜ ๋Œ€์ƒ์ด ๋˜์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”.
10:32
than being talked about is not being talked about.
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10:34
It also makes you very good at eavesdropping,
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๋˜ํ•œ ์—ฟ๋“ฃ๋Š” ๋ฐ์—๋„ ๋„์›€์ด ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
๋™์‹œ์— ๋‘ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ๋“ค์„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ฑฐ๋“ ์š”.
10:37
because you can listen to two conversations simultaneously.
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10:39
So it's not all bad.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ ๋‹ค ๋‚˜์œ ๊ฒƒ๋งŒ์€ ์•„๋‹ˆ์—์š”.
10:41
I worked in mental health services,
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์ „ ์ •์‹  ๋ณด๊ฑด ๋‹จ์ฒด์—์„œ ์ผํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
10:42
I spoke at conferences,
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ํ•™ํšŒ์—์„œ ๊ฐ•์—ฐ๋„ ํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
10:45
I published book chapters and academic articles,
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์ฑ…๋„ ๋‚ด๊ณ  ๋…ผ๋ฌธ๋„ ์“ฐ๊ณ ,
10:47
and I argued, and continue to do so,
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๋…ผ์Ÿํ•˜๊ณ  ๋˜ ๊ณ„์† ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ•  ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:50
the relevance of the following concept:
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์ด ๊ฐœ๋…์˜ ํƒ€๋‹น์„ฑ์„ ์ž…์ฆํ•˜๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด์„œ์š”.
10:52
that an important question in psychiatry
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์ •์‹  ์˜ํ•™์—์„œ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์€
10:54
shouldn't be what's wrong with you
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๋ฌด์—‡์ด ์ž˜๋ชป๋˜์—ˆ๋Š”์ง€๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
10:56
but rather what's happened to you.
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๋ฌด์Šจ ์ผ์ด ์ผ์–ด๋‚ฌ๋Š”์ง€๋ฅผ ๋ฌผ์–ด์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:58
And all the while, I listened to my voices,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ํ•ญ์ƒ, ์ €๋Š” ์ œ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋“ฃ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:01
with whom I'd finally learned to live with peace and respect
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๋งˆ์นจ๋‚ด ํ‰ํ™”๋กญ๊ฒŒ ์„œ๋กœ ์กด์ค‘ํ•˜๋ฉฐ ์‚ด๊ธฐ๋กœ ๊นจ๋‹ซ๊ณ ,
11:04
and which in turn reflected a growing sense
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๊ทธ ๋ณด๋‹ต์œผ๋กœ ์ œ ์ž์‹ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์—ฐ๋ฏผ๊ณผ ๊ธ์ •, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์กด๊ฒฝ์‹ฌ์„
11:06
of compassion, acceptance and respect towards myself.
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๋ณด๋‹ตํ•ด์ฃผ๋Š” ๊ทธ ์กด์žฌ ๋ง์ด์ง€์š”.
11:10
And I remember the most moving and extraordinary moment
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์žฅ ๊ฐ€์Šด ๋ญ‰ํดํ•˜๊ณ  ํŠน๋ณ„ํ•œ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„์„ ๊ธฐ์–ตํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:13
when supporting another young woman who was terrorized by her voices,
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๋‚ด๋ฉด์˜ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋กœ ์ธํ•ด ์ฒ ์ €ํžˆ ํŒŒ๊ดด๋œ ํ•œ ์ Š์€ ์—ฌ์„ฑ์„ ๋„์™”์„ ๋•Œ,
11:16
and becoming fully aware, for the very first time,
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์ฒ˜์Œ์œผ๋กœ ์˜จ์ „ํžˆ ์ดํ•ดํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:19
that I no longer felt that way myself
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋” ์ด์ƒ ๊ทธ ์ƒํ™ฉ์— ์ฒ˜ํ•ด์žˆ์ง€ ์•Š๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๊นจ๋‹ซ๊ณ ,
11:21
but was finally able to help someone else who was.
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๋งˆ์นจ๋‚ด ๋‚˜๋ž‘ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ฒ˜์ง€์˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ด๋ฅผ ๋„์šธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ž๊ฐ€ ๋˜์—ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„์š”.
11:25
I'm now very proud to be a part of Intervoice,
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์ €๋Š” ์ด์ œ ์ธํ„ฐ๋ณด์ด์Šค์˜ ์ผ์›์ด ๋œ ๊ฒƒ ์„ ์ž๋ž‘์Šค๋Ÿฝ๊ฒŒ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ด์š”.
11:29
the organizational body of the International Hearing Voices Movement,
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"๊ตญ์ œ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ๋“ฃ๊ธฐ ์šด๋™" ์ด๋ผ๋Š” ์ด ๋‹จ์ฒด๋Š”
11:33
an initiative inspired by the work of Professor Marius Romme
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๋งˆ๋ฆฌ์šฐ์Šค ๋กฌ ๊ต์ˆ˜์™€ ์‚ฐ๋“œ๋ผ ์—์…” ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ์˜ ํƒ์›”ํ•œ ์—…์ ์— ์˜ํ•˜์—ฌ
11:36
and Dr. Sandra Escher,
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์„ค๋ฆฝ๋˜์˜€์–ด์š”.
11:37
which locates voice hearing as a survival strategy,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ๋“ฃ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์ƒ์กด ์ „๋žต์œผ๋กœ์จ
11:40
a sane reaction to insane circumstances,
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์ •์‹  ์ด์ƒ ์ƒํ™ฉ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์„ฑ์ ์ธ ๋Œ€์‘์€
11:44
not as an aberrant symptom of schizophrenia to be endured,
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์ •์‹  ๋ถ„์—ด์ฆ์˜ ๋น„์ •์ƒ์ ์ธ ์ฆ์ƒ์„ ๊ฒฌ๋ŽŒ์•ผ ํ•  ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
11:47
but a complex, significant and meaningful experience
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ํƒ๊ตฌํ•ด์•ผ ํ•  ๋ณต์žกํ•˜๊ณ ๋„ ๋ถ„๋ช…ํ•˜๋ฉฐ ์˜๋ฏธ์žˆ๋Š”
11:51
to be explored.
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๊ฒฝํ—˜์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ณด๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด์š”.
11:53
Together, we envisage and enact a society
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ํ•จ๊ป˜ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ๋“ฃ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๊ณ 
11:55
that understands and respects voice hearing,
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์กด์ค‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌํšŒ๋ฅผ ๊ฟˆ๊พธ๊ณ  ๋˜ ์ด๋ฅผ ์œ„ํ•ด ๋…ธ๋ ฅํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:58
supports the needs of individuals who hear voices,
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๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋“ฃ๋Š” ์ด๋“ค์˜ ํ•„์š”์™€
12:00
and which values them as full citizens.
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์˜จ์ „ํ•œ ์‹œ๋ฏผ์œผ๋กœ์จ์˜ ๊ฐ€์น˜๋ฅผ ์ง€์ง€ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:04
This type of society is not only possible,
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์ด๋Ÿฌํ•œ ์‚ฌํšŒ๋Š” ๊ฐ€๋Šฅํ•  ๋ฟ๋งŒ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ,
12:06
it's already on its way.
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์ด๋ฏธ ๊ทธ ๋‹จ๊ณ„์— ์™€์žˆ์–ด์š”.
12:08
To paraphrase Chavez, once social change begins,
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์ฐจ๋ฒ ์Šค ๋Œ€ํ†ต๋ น์˜ ๋ง์„ ์˜ฎ๊ธฐ์ž๋ฉด,
12:12
it cannot be reversed.
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์‚ฌํšŒ์˜ ๋ณ€ํ™”๊ฐ€ ์‹œ์ž‘๋˜๋ฉด ๋˜๋Œ๋ฆด ์ˆ˜ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:14
You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride.
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์ž๋ถ€์‹ฌ์„ ๋Š๋ผ๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ๋ชจ์š•ํ•  ์ˆ˜๋Š” ์—†์–ด์š”.
12:17
You cannot oppress the people
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๋” ์ด์ƒ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„
12:19
who are not afraid anymore.
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์–ต์••ํ•  ์ˆ˜๋Š” ์—†์–ด์š”.
12:21
For me, the achievements of the Hearing Voices Movement
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์ €์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ๊ตญ์ œ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ๋“ฃ๊ธฐ ์šด๋™์˜ ์„ฑ๊ณผ๊ฐ€
12:24
are a reminder that empathy, fellowship,
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๊ณต๊ฐ๊ณผ ๊ต์ œ, ์ •์˜์™€ ์กด์ค‘์ด
12:26
justice and respect are more than words;
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๋ง์— ์•ž์„ ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์ƒˆ์‚ผ ์ผ๊นจ์›Œ์ค๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:29
they are convictions and beliefs,
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์ด๋Š” ํ™•์‹ ์ด์ž ๋ฏฟ์Œ์ด๊ณ ,
12:32
and that beliefs can change the world.
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๊ทธ ๋ฏฟ์Œ์€ ์„ธ์ƒ์„ ๋ฐ”๊ฟ€ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:34
In the last 20 years, the Hearing Voices Movement
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์ง€๋‚œ 20๋…„ ๊ฐ„ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ๋“ฃ๊ธฐ ์šด๋™์€
12:37
has established hearing voices networks
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๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ ๋“ฃ๊ธฐ ๋„คํŠธ์›Œํฌ๋ฅผ
12:39
in 26 countries across five continents,
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5๋Œ€๋ฅ™์— ๊ฑธ์ณ 26๊ฐœ ๊ตญ๊ฐ€์— ์„ค๋ฆฝํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
12:42
working together to promote dignity, solidarity
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์กด์—„๊ณผ ์—ฐ๋Œ€, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์ž๋“ค์˜
12:45
and empowerment for individuals in mental distress,
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๊ถŒ์ต ๋ณดํ˜ธ๋ฅผ ์œ„ํ•ด ํ•จ๊ป˜ ์ผํ•˜๋ฉฐ,
12:49
to create a new language and practice of hope,
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๊ฐœ๊ฐœ์ธ์˜ ํž˜์„ ๋ฏฟ๋Š” ํ”๋“ค๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์•Š๋Š”
12:52
which, at its very center, lies an unshakable belief
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๋ฏฟ์Œ์„ ํ•œ๊ฐ€์šด๋ฐ์— ๋‘๊ณ 
12:56
in the power of the individual.
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์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ์–ธ์–ด๋ฅผ ๋งŒ๋“ค๋ฉฐ ํฌ๋ง์„ ์—ฐ์Šตํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด์š”.
12:59
As Peter Levine has said, the human animal
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ํ”ผํ„ฐ ๋ ˆ๋นˆ์ด ๋งํ–ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ,
13:02
is a unique being
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์ธ๊ฐ„์ด๋ž€ ๋™๋ฌผ์€ ํŠน๋ณ„ํ•œ ์กด์žฌ๋กœ
13:03
endowed with an instinctual capacity to heal
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๋ณธ๋Šฅ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์น˜์œ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ๊ณผ
13:07
and the intellectual spirit to harness this innate capacity.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ๋‚ด์ ์ธ ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์„ ๋ณดํ˜ธํ•˜๋Š” ์ง€์ ์ธ ์˜ํ˜ผ์„ ๊ฐ–์ถ˜ ์กด์žฌ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:11
In this respect, for members of society,
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ ์—์„œ, ์‚ฌํšŒ์˜ ๊ตฌ์„ฑ์›๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ๋Š”
13:13
there is no greater honor or privilege
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์ฆ์ธ์ด ๋˜์–ด์ฃผ๊ณ , ์†์„ ๋‚ด๋ฐ€๊ณ ,
13:16
than facilitating that process of healing for someone,
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๊ทธ๊ฐ€ ๊ฒช๋Š” ์ง์„ ๋‚˜๋ˆ„๋ฉฐ
13:18
to bear witness, to reach out a hand,
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ํšŒ๋ณต์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ํฌ๋ง์„ ๋ถ™์žก์•„
13:21
to share the burden of someone's suffering,
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๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ์น˜์œ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ณผ์ •์„ ๋•๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ
13:24
and to hold the hope for their recovery.
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๋” ํฐ ์˜์˜ˆ์™€ ์˜๊ด‘์€ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:27
And likewise, for survivors of distress and adversity,
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๋งˆ์ฐฌ๊ฐ€์ง€๋กœ ๊ณ ํ†ต๊ณผ ์—ญ๊ฒฝ์„ ์ด๊ฒจ๋‚ธ ์ด๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ๋Š”
13:29
that we remember we don't have to live our lives
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒŒ ์ผ์–ด๋‚œ ์ผ๋“ค๋กœ ์ธํ•ด ์†์ƒ๋œ ๊ฒƒ์œผ๋กœ ์ •์˜๋œ ์‚ถ์„
13:32
forever defined by the damaging things that have happened to us.
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์‚ด ํ•„์š”๊ฐ€ ์—†๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๊ธฐ์–ตํ•˜๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ฃผ์ง€์š”.
13:36
We are unique. We are irreplaceable.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ ๊ฐœ๊ฐœ์ธ์€ ํŠน๋ณ„ํ•ด์š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ฌด์—‡๊ณผ๋„ ๋ฐ”๊ฟ€ ์ˆ˜ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:38
What lies within us can never be truly colonized,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์•ˆ์— ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ทธ ๋ฌด์—‡๋„
13:41
contorted, or taken away.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ง€๋ฐฐํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜, ์กฐ์ข…ํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜, ๋นผ์•—์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†์–ด์š”.
13:43
The light never goes out.
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๊ทธ ๋น›์€ ๊ฒฐ์ฝ” ์‚ฌ๋ผ์ง€์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:47
As a very wonderful doctor once said to me,
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์•„์ฃผ ํ›Œ๋ฅญํ•œ ์˜์‚ฌ๊ฐ€ ์ €์—๊ฒŒ ๋งํ–ˆ๋“ฏ์ด ๋ง์ด์—์š”.
13:49
"Don't tell me what other people have told you about yourself.
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"๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ๋‹น์‹ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•œ ๊ฒƒ ๋ง๊ณ ,
13:53
Tell me about you."
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๋‹น์‹ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์–˜๊ธฐํ•ด ์ฃผ์„ธ์š”."
13:56
Thank you.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:58
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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