How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch | TED

Translator: Aziza Pulatova Reviewer: Nazarbek Nazarov

I grew up with my identical twin,

Men juda bir mehribon

who was an incredibly loving brother.

egizak akam bilan voyaga yetganman.

Now, one thing about being a twin is,

Egizak bo'lishning bir tomoni bor,

it makes you an expert at spotting favoritism.

u sizni favoritizmni aniqlashda ekspert qiladi.

If his cookie was even slightly bigger than my cookie,

Agar uning shirinligi menikidan zig’ircha kattaroq bo’ldimi,

I had questions.

menda savollar tug’ilardi.

And clearly, I wasn't starving.

Rostini aytganda, qornim to’q edi.

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

When I became a psychologist, I began to notice favoritism

Psixolog bo'lganimda esa favoritizmning boshqa bir turiga

of a different kind;

guvoh bo’la boshladim;

and that is, how much more we value the body than we do the mind.

bu ham bo’lsa, ongimizdan ko’ra tanamizni nechog'lik ko’proq qadrlashimiz.

I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology,

Psixologiyada doktorlik himoyasi uchun oliygohga umrimning sakkiz yili ketti.

and I can't tell you how many people look at my business card and say,

Qanchadan qancha odamlar tashrif qog’ozimga qarab,

"Oh -- a psychologist. So, not a real doctor,"

“Iye, psixologmisiz, men sizni shifokor debman,” deganlari menga qorong’u,

as if it should say that on my card.

go'yo vizitkada shunday yozilsin.

[Dr. Guy Winch, Just a Psychologist (Not a Real Doctor)]

[Dr Gay Uinch, shunchaki psixolog (haqiqiy shifokor emas)]

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

This favoritism we show the body over the mind --

Tanani ongdan ustun qo’yishdan iborat bunday favoritizmga --

I see it everywhere.

har yerda duch kelaman.

I recently was at a friend's house,

Yaqinda do’stimning xonadonida edim

and their five-year-old was getting ready for bed.

ularning besh yosh farzandi uyquga hozirlanayotgandi.

He was standing on a stool by the sink, brushing his teeth,

U rakovina oldidagi kursiga chiqib olib, tishlarini yuvayotgandi,

when he slipped and scratched his leg on the stool when he fell.

yiqilib tushdi-yu, oyog’ini o’zi yiqilgan kursida jarohatlab oldi.

He cried for a minute, but then he got back up,

Bir daqiqacha yig’ladi, biroq keyin o’rnidan turib,

got back on the stool, and reached out for a box of Band-Aids

jarohati uchun malhamlar solingan quttini olish ilinjida

to put one on his cut.

kursiga yana chiqdi.

Now, this kid could barely tie his shoelaces,

Qarang, bu bolakay poyabzal ipini arang bog’lay olsa ham,

but he knew you have to cover a cut so it doesn't become infected,

yallig’lanmasligi uchun jarohatni bog’lab qo’yishingiz kerakligi va kuniga

and you have to care for your teeth by brushing twice a day.

ikki marta tishlaringiz ozodaligini saqlashingiz lozimligini biladi.

We all know how to maintain our physical health

Hammamiz qanday qilib tanamiz sog’ligini saqlash va tishlar

and how to practice dental hygiene, right?

gigiyenasiga amal qilishni bilamiz, to'g'rimi?

We've known it since we were five years old.

Bularni besh yasharligimizdan buyon bilamiz.

But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health?

Ammo psixologik salomatligimizni saqlash borasida nimalarni bilamiz?

Well, nothing.

Aytarli hech narsa.

What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene?

Hissiy gigiyena haqida farzandlarimizga nimani o’rgatamiz?

Nothing.

Hech narsa.

How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth

Qanday qilib ongimizdan ko’ra tishlarimizga g’amxo’rlik qilish uchun

than we do our minds?

ko’proq vaqt sarflashimiz mumkin?

Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us

Nega tanamiz salomatligi ruhiy salomatligimizdan

than our psychological health?

ko'ra o'ta muhimroq?

We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones,

Mag’lubiyat yoki rad etilish, yolg’izlik kabi jarohatlarga, ruhiy jarohatlarimizga

injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness.

tana jarohatlarimizga qaraganchalik qaramaymiz.

And they can also get worse if we ignore them,

Agar e’tibor bermasak, ularning ahvoli ham tanglashishi

and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways.

va hayotimizni butkul o’zgartirib yuborishi mumkin.

And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques

Buku mayli, bunday ruhiy yaralarni davolashda foydalanishimiz

we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries,

mumkin bo’lgan ilmiy isbotlagan usullar bo’lishiga qaramay,

we don't.

g'aflatdamiz.

It doesn't even occur to us that we should.

Buning zarurligi xayolimizga ham kelmaydi.

"Oh, you're feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it's all in your head."

"Tushkunlikdamisiz? Qo'ying, siqilmang; Bularning bari boshingizda,"

Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg:

Oyog’i singan biror kimsaga shunday deb ko'ringchi?:

"Oh, just walk it off; it's all in your leg."

"Shunchaki yurib keting; Buning boisi oyog’ingizda."

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

It is time we closed the gap

Jismoniy va ruhiy salomatlik

between our physical and our psychological health.

o’rtasidagi bo’shliqqa yakun yasashning vaqti yetdi.

It's time we made them more equal,

Ularning mavqeyini xuddi egizaklarnikidek

more like twins.

tenglashtirish vaqti keldi.

Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist.

Ha, aytgancha akam ham psixolog.

So he's not a real doctor, either.

Shunday ekan, u ham shifokor emas.

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

We didn't study together, though.

Shunday bo’lsa-da, biz birga o’qimadik.

In fact, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life

Aslida hayotimdagi eng og’ir narsa psixologiya yo’nalishida

is move across the Atlantic to New York City

doktorlik unvoniga ega bo’lish uchun Atlantika bo’ylab

to get my doctorate in psychology.

Nyu Yorkka ko’chib kelish edi.

We were apart then for the first time in our lives,

Ana shunda umrimizda ilk bor bir-birimizdan yiroqda edik,

and the separation was brutal for both of us.

va ayriliqdan har ikkimiz ozor chekdik.

But while he remained among family and friends,

Ammo, u oila va do’stlar davrasida qolgan,

I was alone in a new country.

men esa begona yurtda yolg’iz edim.

We missed each other terribly,

Bir-birimizni juda qumsadik, lekin

but international phone calls were really expensive then,

o’shanda xalqaro telefon qo’ng’iroqlari nihoyatda qimmat edi.

and we could only afford to speak for five minutes a week.

va biz bor-yog'i haftada bir marta 5 daqiqa gaplashishga qurbimiz yetardi.

When our birthday rolled around,

Tug’ilgan kunlarimiz yaqinlashdi

it was the first we wouldn't be spending together.

bu ilk bor bir-birimizdan yiroqda nishonlashimiz edi.

We decided to splurge,

Pulni ayamay ishlatishga,

and that week, we would talk for 10 minutes.

va bu hafta 10 daqiqa gaplashishga kelishdik.

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

I spent the morning pacing around my room, waiting for him to call --

Tongni uning qo’ng’irog'iga intiq xonam bo'ylab yurish bilan o'tkazdim --

and waiting ...

kutaverdim ...

and waiting.

kutaverdim.

But the phone didn't ring.

Ammo telefon jiringlamadi.

Given the time difference, I assumed,

Vaqt hisobidagi farqdan “Hoynahoy, u

"OK, he's out with friends, he'll call later."

do’stlari bilan, salroq qilar” degan fikr keldi.

There were no cell phones then.

U paytda mobil telefonlar yo'q.

But he didn't.

Lekin u qilmadi.

And I began to realize that after being away for over 10 months,

10 oydan oshiq vaqt uzoqda bo’lganimdan so’ng, men uni

he no longer missed me the way I missed him.

sog’inganchalik sog’inmay qo’yganini anglay boshladim.

I knew he would call in the morning,

Tongda qo’ng’iroq qilishini bilardim,

but that night was one of the saddest and longest nights of my life.

ammo o’sha tun umrimdagi eng qayg’uli va uzoq tunlardan biri bo’ldi.

I woke up the next morning.

Ertasi kuni uyg’ondim.

I glanced down at the phone,

Telefonga qarab, go’shakni

and I realized I had kicked it off the hook

kechagi tun o'zim bilan olib yurib telefonga

when pacing the day before.

ildirib qo’ymaganimni angladim.

I stumbled out of bed,

Karovatimdan qoqilib tushib,

I put the phone back on the receiver, and it rang a second later.

go’shakni telefonga qaytib qo’ydim va sekund o'tib, u jiringladi.

And it was my brother,

U akam edi,

and boy, was he pissed.

u mendan nihoyatda qizishgandi,

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well.

Bu ham uning hayotidagi eng qayg’uli va uzoq tunlardan biri edi.

Now, I tried to explain what happened, but he said,

O’tgan voqealarni tushuntirishga tushdim, u esa

"I don't understand.

"Tushunmayapman.

If you saw I wasn't calling you,

Agar senga qilmaganimni ko’rib tursang,

why didn't you just pick up the phone and call me?"

nega go’shakni olib, menga qo’ng’iroq qilmading?

He was right.

U haq edi.

Why didn't I call him?

Nega unga qo’ng’iroq qilmadim?

I didn't have an answer then.

o'shanda savolga javobim yo’q edi

But I do today,

Biroq bugun bor,

and it's a simple one:

u ham bo’lsa soddagina:

loneliness.

yolg’izlik.

Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound,

Yolg’izlik idrokimizni yanglishtiruvchi va fikrlarimiz

one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking.

shaffofligiga barham beruvchi chuqur ruhiy jarohatni yaratadi.

It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do.

U atrofimizdagi insonlar aslida unchalik qayg’urmasligiga ishontiradi.

It make us really afraid to reach out,

U insonlarga qo’shilishdan qattiq qo’rqitadi,

because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache

chunki qalbingiz allaqachon chidamgizdan chandon og’rib turganda,

when your heart is already aching more than you can stand?

nega o'zingizni rad javobi va qalb og’rig’iga tutqazasiz?

I was in the grips of real loneliness back then,

O’sha damlarda men chinakam yolg’izlik og’ushida, ammo har kuni

but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me.

odamlar orasida edim, shu sababdan bu sira xayolimga kelmagan.

But loneliness is defined purely subjectively.

Ammo yolg’izlikni har kim o’zicha talqin qiladi.

It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially disconnected

U siz atrofdagilardan hissiy yoki jamoaviy ayro his etishingizgagina

from those around you.

bog’liq.

And I did.

Men yolg’iz edim.

There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying.

Yolg’izlik borasida ko’plab tadqiqotlar mavjud va ularning bari daxshatli.

Loneliness won't just make you miserable;

Yolg'izlik ayanchli ahvolgagina solmaydi.

it will kill you.

U sizni o’ldiradi.

I'm not kidding.

Bu hazil emas.

Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death

Surunkali yolg’izlik erta o’lim xavfi ehtimolini

by 14 percent.

14 foizga ko’paytiradi.

Fourteen percent!

O’n to’rt foiz!

Loneliness causes high blood pressure,

Yolg’izlik qon bosimi va xolesterinning

high cholesterol.

oshishiga olib keladi.

It even suppress the functioning of your immune system,

U hatto immun tizimingiz faoliyatini susaytirib,

making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases.

barcha turdagi kasallik va xastaliklarga chalinish xatarini oshiradi.

In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together,

Darhaqiqat, olimlar surunkali yolg’izlikning

chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk

inson salomatligi va umr ko’rish yoshiga

for your long-term health and longevity

xuddi tamaki chekish kabi halokatli

as cigarette smoking.

ekanligini aniqlashgan.

Now, cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you."

Tamaki quttilarida ogohlantiruvchi yozuv bor “Chekish insonni o’ldiradi.”

But loneliness doesn't.

Ammo yolg’izlikda yo’q.

And that's why it's so important

Va aynan shuning uchun ruhiy

that we prioritize our psychological health,

salomatligimizni eng oldinga qo’yish, hissiy-emotsional

that we practice emotional hygiene.

gigiyenaga amal qilish shunchalik muhim.

Because you can't treat a psychological wound

Negaki agarda siz hatto yaralanganligingizni bilmasangiz,

if you don't even know you're injured.

ruhiy jarohatingizni tuzata olmaysiz.

Loneliness isn't the only psychological wound

Idrokimizni yanglishtirib, bizni chalg’itadigan

that distorts our perceptions and misleads us.

jarohat faqatgina yolg’izlik emas.

Failure does that as well.

Bu mag’lubiyatning ham ishidir.

I once visited a day care center,

Bir kuni bolalar bog’chasiga borib,

where I saw three toddlers play with identical plastic toys.

bir xil plastik o’yinchoqlar bilan o’ynayotgan uch go’dakka ko’zim tushdi.

You had to slide the red button, and a cute doggie would pop out.

Qizil tugmani sursangiz, undan yoqimtoy kuchukcha chiqib kelardi.

One little girl tried pulling the purple button, then pushing it,

Bir qizaloq siyoh rangli tugmani tortishga, so’ngra itarishga urindi,

and then she just sat back and looked at the box

va undan so’ng qaytib o’tirdi va quttiga pastki labi

with her lower lip trembling.

titragancha qarab qoldi.

The little boy next to her watched this happen,

Uning yonida o’tirgan bolakay bu jarayonga guvoh bo’lib,

then turned to his box and burst into tears without even touching it.

quttisiga qayrilib qaradi va unga qo’lini ham tekizmay, yig’lab yubordi.

Meanwhile, another little girl tried everything she could think of

Bu orada boshqa bir qizaloq qizil tugmani surmagunicha xayoliga kelgan

until she slid the red button,

hamma narsani qilib ko’rdi,

the cute doggie popped out, and she squealed with delight.

yoqimtoy kuchukcha chiqdi-yu, u quvonchdan qiqirlab kuldi.

So: three toddlers with identical plastic toys,

Xullas: uch go’dak sira farq qilmaydigan plastik o’yinchoqlar bilan,

but with very different reactions to failure.

ammo mag’lubiyatga turlicha munosabatda.

The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button.

Birinchi ikki go'dakda qizil tugmani surish imkoniyatlari yetarlicha edi.

The only thing that prevented them from succeeding

Ularni bu ishni uddalashdan to'xtatgan yagona narsa,

was that their mind tricked them into believing they could not.

ularning onggi bu ishni eplay olmaslik aldoviga chuv tushirdi.

Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time.

Kattalar ham bu aldovga chuv tushadilar.

In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs

Darhaqiqat, har gal xafagarchilik va omadsizliklarga duch kelganimizda

that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.

eshik qoqmay bostirib keladigan his va qarashlar hammamizda bor.

Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure?

Ongingizning mag'lubiyatga munosabatidan xabardormisiz?

You need to be.

Boxabar bo'lish kerak.

Because if your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something,

Chunki ongingiz sizni biror narsada noqobilligingizga ishontirmoqchi bo'lsa

and you believe it,

va siz bunga ishonsangiz,

then like those two toddlers, you'll begin to feel helpless

u holda xuddi o'sha ikki go'dak kabi o'zingizni ilojsiz his eta

and you'll stop trying too soon, or you won't even try at all.

boshlaysiz va osongina chekinasiz yoki butkul qo'l urmaysiz.

And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed.

Undan so'ng muvaffaqiyat qozona olmasligingizga to'la ishonasiz.

You see, that's why so many people function below their actual potential.

Shu sabab ko'plab insonlar o'z imkoniyatlaridan to'la foydalana olmaydi.

Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure

Yo'lning qaysidir bir manzilida ba'zida birgina mag'lubiyat g'alaba

convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.

qozona olmasliklariga ishontirgan va ular bunga chuv tushishgan.

Once we become convinced of something, it's very difficult to change our mind.

Biror narsaga ishonsak, fikrlarimizni o'zgartirish juda qiyin kechadi.

I learned that lesson the hard way when I was a teenager with my brother.

Akam bilan o'smirlik chog'imizda bu saboqni kech angladim.

We were driving with friends down a dark road at night,

Militsiya mashinasi to'xtatganida, tunda og'aynilar bilan mashinada

when a police car stopped us.

qorong'u yo'ldan borardik.

There had been a robbery in the area and they were looking for suspects.

O'sha atrofda o'g'irlik bo'lgan va ular gumondor shaxslarni izlayotgandi.

The officer approached the car, and shined his flashlight on the driver,

Militsiya xodimi mashinaga yaqiniga kelib, fonarini haydovchiga tutdi,

then on my brother in the front seat,

so’ng mashina oldida o'tirgan akamga

and then on me.

va oxirida menga.

And his eyes opened wide and he said,

Ko'zlari katta ochildi-yu, shunday dedi,

"Where have I seen your face before?"

"Yuzingizni oldin qayerda ko'rganman?"

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

And I said,

Men

"In the front seat."

"Old o'rindiqda." dedim.

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

But that made no sense to him whatsoever,

U zig’ircha tushunmadi, ana endi u meni

so now he thought I was on drugs.

narkotik qabul qilgan deb o’yladi.

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

So he drags me out of the car, he searches me,

U meni mashinadan chiqarib olib, tintuv qildi,

he marches me over to the police car,

militsiya mashinasi oldiga yetaklab,

and only when he verified I didn't have a police record,

jinoyatchilik tarixim yo’qligini tasdiqlagandan keyingina

could I show him I had a twin in the front seat.

old o’rindiqda egizak akam borligini ko’rsata oldim.

But even as we were driving away,

Ammo ketar mahalimiz ham,

you could see by the look on his face he was convinced

uning yuz ifodasidan men nimadandir qochib ketayotganimga

that I was getting away with something.

aminligi yaqqol ko’rinardi.

(Laughter)

(Kulgu)

Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced.

Bir narsaga ishonganimizdan so’ng ongizmizni o’zgartirish mushkul.

So it might be very natural to feel demoralized

Shu sababli omadingiz chopmaganidan so’ng tushkunlik

and defeated after you fail.

va mag’lubiyatni his qilish tabiiy.

But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed.

Lekin omadingiz chopmasligiga o’zingizni ishontirishga izn bera olmaysiz.

You have to fight feelings of helplessness.

Nochorlik hislariga qarshi kurashishingiz lozim.

You have to gain control over the situation.

Vaziyatni o’z qo’lingizga olishingiz kerak.

And you have to break this kind of negative cycle

Bunday salbiy hislar girdobiga aslo tushib

before it begins.

qolmasligingiz darkor.

[Stop Emotional Bleeding]

[Hissiy qon ketishini to’xtating]

Our minds and our feelings --

Fikrlarimiz va hislarimiz –

they're not the trustworthy friends we thought they were.

ular biz o’ylaganimiz kabi sodiq do’stlar emas.

They're more like a really moody friend,

Ular ko’proq kayfiyati tez ayniydigan do’stlarga

who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next.

o’xshaydilar, bir qarasangiz sizni ko’klarga ko’taradi, so'ng o’ta sovuqqon.

I once worked with this woman who, after 20 years marriage

Qachonlardir 20 yillik turmushidan so’ng oilaviy munosabatlari achinarli

and an extremely ugly divorce,

yakun topgan bir ayol bilan ishlagandim,

was finally ready for her first date.

nihoyat ilk uchrashuvga yuragi betlagandi.

She had met this guy online,

o’sha inson bilan onlayn tanishgan,

and he seemed nice and he seemed successful,

u yaxshigina, muvaffaqiyatli ko’rindi,

and most importantly, he seemed really into her.

va eng asosiysi, uning ayolda ko’ngli borligi sezildi.

So she was very excited, she bought a new dress,

U juda hayajonda edi, yangi liboslar sotib oldi,

and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink.

shu tariqa ular Nyu York ichimliklar barida uchrashdilar.

Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says,

Uchrashuvga o’n daqiqa yetar-yetmas, erkak o’rnidan turib, dedi

"I'm not interested," and walks out.

“Menga yoqmadingiz," va tark etdi.

Rejection is extremely painful.

Rad etilish nihoyatda og’riqli kechadi.

The woman was so hurt she couldn't move.

Ayol shunchalar iztirobda ediki, qilt etmadi.

All she could do was call a friend.

Qo’lidan kelgani do’stiga qo’ng’iroq

Here's what the friend said: "Well, what do you expect?

qilish bo’ldi, xolos. Do’sti esa shunday dedi: "Xo’sh, nimani kutganding?

You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say.

Beling beso’naqay, aytishga arzirli aytarli hech narsang yo’q.

Why would a handsome, successful man like that

Nega endi uningdek kelishgan, muvaffaqiyatli inson

ever go out with a loser like you?"

senga o’xshash betayinga qaylig’ bo’lsin?"

Shocking, right, that a friend could be so cruel?

Daxshat, to’g’rimi, do’st ham shunchalar bag’ritosh bo’ladimi?

But it would be much less shocking

Ammo bu so’zlarni aytgan inson emasligini

if I told you it wasn't the friend who said that.

aytganimda bunchalik hayratga tushmasdingiz.

It's what the woman said to herself.

Bu so’zlarni ayol o’ziga aytgandi.

And that's something we all do,

Va bu holat barchamizga tanish,

especially after a rejection.

ayniqsa mag’lubiyatdan so’ng.

We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings,

Barcha xatolarimiz va bor kamchiliklarimiz, bo’lsam qani edi,

what we wish we were, what we wish we weren't.

bo’lmasam qani edilarni o’ylay boshlaymiz.

We call ourselves names.

O’zimizga laqablar to’qiymiz

Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it.

Unchalik darajada bo’lmasa-da, hammamiz qo’l uramiz.

And it's interesting that we do,

Shunday qilishimiz qiziq, chunki

because our self-esteem is already hurting.

o’z-o’zimizga beriladigan baho allaqachon aziyat chekyapti.

Why would we want to go and damage it even further?

Nega endi davom etib, yanayam parchalash kerak?

We wouldn't make a physical injury worse on purpose.

Tanamizni ataylab jarohatlamaymiz-ku?

You wouldn't get a cut on your arm and decide, "Oh! I know --

Qo’lingizni kesib, "To’xtab tur! – Qo’limga pichoqni tiqib,

I'm going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it."

qanchalik ichkariroq kirishim mumkinligiga qarab ko’raman." demasdingiz.

But we do that with psychological injuries all the time.

Ammo buni ruhiy jarohatlarimizga har doim ravo ko’ramiz.

Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.

Nega? Zaif hissiy gigiyenamiz tufayli.

Because we don't prioritize our psychological health.

Negaki ruhiy salomatligimizni eng oldinga qo’ymaymiz.

We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower,

O’zingizga beriladigan baho pasayganda, stress va bezovtalikka berilish

you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety;

xatari kuchayishi, mag’lubiyat va rad etilishlar yanada og’riqli

that failures and rejections hurt more,

kechishi va ulardan o'nglanish uzoq vaqt

and it takes longer to recover from them.

talab qilishini o’nlab tadqiqotlardan bilamiz.

So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing

Shu bois rad etilganingizda, birinchi qilishingiz kerak bo’lgan ish

is to revive your self-esteem,

Jang klubiga qo’shilish va kimgadir musht

not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp.

tushurish emas, o’zingizga beriladigan bahoni tiklashdir.

When you're in emotional pain,

Hissiy iztirob chekkaningizda,

treat yourself with the same compassion

chinakam sodiq do’stdan kutiladigan

you would expect from a truly good friend.

mehr bilan o’zingizni siylang.

[Protect Your Self-Esteem]

[O’zingizga bo'lgan bahoni himoyalang]

We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them.

Nosog’lom psixologik odatlarimizni payqab, ularni o’zgartirishimiz lozim.

And one of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination.

Va bularning ichida eng nosog’lomi shilqim fikrlar deb nomlanadi.

To ruminate means to chew over.

Shilqim fikrlar tin olmay o’ylayverishdir.

It's when your boss yells at you

Rahbaringiz sizga o’shqirib berdi

or your professor makes you feel stupid in class,

yoki auditoriyada professor sizni ahmoqqa chiqardi,

or you have big fight with a friend

yo do’stingiz bilan qattiq urushdingiz

and you just can't stop replaying the scene in your head for days,

va bu manzara xayolingizdan bir necha kunlab o’chmasligi,

sometimes for weeks on end.

ba’zida haftalab davom etishidir.

Now, ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit,

Ko’ngilsiz voqealar to’g’risida bu yo’sinda o’ylayverish osongina odatga

and it's a very costly one,

aylanishi mumkin va bu sizga

because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts,

qimmatga tushadi, chunki noxush va salbiy hislarga uzoq vaqt berilish

you are actually putting yourself at significant risk

natijasida o’zingizni klinik depressiya, alkogolizm, ovqat

for developing clinical depression,

buzulishlari va hatto yurak va

alcoholism,

qon-tomir kasalliklari

eating disorders,

vujudga kelish xatarini

and even cardiovascular disease.

birmuncha oshirasiz.

The problem is,

Muammo shundaki,

the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important,

shilqim firlarga berilish ehtiyojdek va o’ta zarurdek tuyilishi mumkin,

so it's a difficult habit to stop.

shu bois bu odatdan voz kechish mushkul.

I know this for a fact,

Ishonch bilan aytishimga sabab

because a little over a year ago, I developed the habit myself.

bir yilcha avval bu odatni o’zimda rivojlantirdim.

You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage 3 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Egizak akamga 3-darajali Xodginning limfomasi tashxisi qo’yildi.

His cancer was extremely aggressive.

Undagi saraton nihoyatda shafqatsiz edi.

He had visible tumors all over his body.

O’simtalar uning butun tanasi bo’ylab tarqalgandi.

And he had to start a harsh course of chemotherapy.

Va u og’ir kimyoterapiyani boshlashi kerak edi.

And I couldn't stop thinking about what he was going through.

Uning kechinmalari haqida o’ylashdan o’zimni tiyolmasdim.

I couldn't stop thinking about how much he was suffering,

U ahvolidan sira nolimagan, atigi bir martayam, ammo uning

even though he never complained, not once.

nechog’lik azob tortayotgani haqidagi fikr meni tinch qo'ymasdi.

He had this incredibly positive attitude.

Unda g’aroyib ijobiy munosabat bor edi.

His psychological health was amazing.

Uning ruhiy sog'ligi havas qilarli edi.

I was physically healthy, but psychologically, I was a mess.

Men jismonan sog’lom, ammo ruhiy jihatdan yaroqsiz holda edim.

But I knew what to do.

Lek nima qilishni bilardim

Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient

Tadqiqotlarning ko’rsatishicha, bor-yog’i ikki daqiqaga o’zingizni chalg’tish o'sha

to break the urge to ruminate in that moment.

daqiqadayoq shilqim fikrlardan qutulish chun yetarli

And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought,

Va har gal menda tashvishlanarli, dilni xufton qiluvchi salbiy fikrlar paydo

I forced myself to concentrate on something else until the urge passed.

bo’lsa, boshqa narsaga diqqat qaratishga tirishdim.

And within one week, my whole outlook changed

Bir haftadayoq, mening barcha qarashlarim o’zgardi

and became more positive and more hopeful.

va yanada ijobiy, umidga to'la inson bo'la boshladim.

[Battle Negative Thinking]

[Salbiy fikrlarga qarshi kurashing]

Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy, my brother had a CAT scan,

Kimyoterapiyadan to’qqiz hafta o’tib, akam kompyuter tomografiyasidan o’tdi,

and I was by his side when he got the results.

natijalarini qo’liga olganda, uning oldida edim.

All the tumors were gone.

Barcha o’simtalar g’oyib bo’lgan.

He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go,

U yana uch kimyoterapiyani bardosh berishi kerak edi,

but we knew he would recover.

ammo tuzalishini bilardi.

This picture was taken two weeks ago.

Bu sur’at uch hafta oldin olingan.

By taking action when you're lonely,

Yolg’izligingizda biror chora ko’rish,

by changing your responses to failure,

mag’lubiyatga bo’lgan munosabatingizni o’zgartirish,

by protecting your self-esteem,

o’zingizga bo’lgan bahoni avaylash,

by battling negative thinking,

salbiy fikrlashga qarshi kurashish orqali

you won't just heal your psychological wounds,

ruhiy jarohatingizni tuzatibgina qolmaysiz,

you will build emotional resilience,

balki ruhiy chidamlilikni yaratasiz,

you will thrive.

o’sa boshlaysiz.

A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene,

Bundan yuz yil muqaddam, odamlar shaxsiy gigiyenaga amal qila boshlaganlar

and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent

va umr ko’rish yoshi bor-yog’I bir asr ichida

in just a matter of decades.

50 foizdan ortiq o’sgan.

I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically

Agar barchamiz hissiy gigiyenaga amal qilsak, turmushimiz

if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.

sifati ham xuddi shunday o’sishiga aminman.

Can you imagine what the world would be like

Hamma ruhiy sog’lomroq bo’lgan sayyora

if everyone was psychologically healthier?

ko'rinishini tasavvur qila olasizmi?

If there were less loneliness and less depression?

Yolg’izlik va depressiya kamroq bo’lganida? Odamlar

If people knew how to overcome failure?

qanday qilib mag’lubiyatni yengishni bilganlarida?

If they felt better about themselves and more empowered?

O’zi tog’risida iliqroq hislarni tuyganda va yengilmas his etganda?

If they were happier and more fulfilled?

Baxtliroq va qanoatliroq bo’lganlarida?

I can, because that's the world I want to live in.

Men tasavvur qila olaman, chunki bu men yashashni istaydigan dunyo.

And that's the world my brother wants to live in as well.

Akam ham shunday dunyoda umrguzaronlik qilishni istaydi.

And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well --

Kerakli ma'lumotlarga ega bo'lib bir ikki oddiy odatlarni o’zgartirsangiz, xo'sh --

that's the world we can all live in.

bunday sayyorada hammamiz yashay olamiz.

Thank you very much.

Katta rahmat.

(Applause)

(Qarsaklar)