Why I must come out | Geena Rocero

Prevodilac: Adisa Ejubovic Lektor: Mile Živković

The world makes you something that you're not,

Svet vas tvori u nešto što niste,

but you know inside what you are,

ali vi u sebi znate ko ste,

and that question burns in your heart:

i ovo pitanje tinja u vašim srcima:

How will you become that?

kako ćete da postanete ta osoba?

I may be somewhat unique in this,

Ja sam možda jedinstvena u ovome,

but I am not alone,

ali nisam sama,

not alone at all.

ne uopšte.

Kada sam postala model

So when I became a fashion model,

pomislila sam da sam konačno ostvarila san

I felt that I'd finally achieved the dream

that I'd always wanted since I was a young child.

koji sam želela još od detinjstva.

My outside self finally matched my inner truth,

Moj izgled se konačno poklapao sa mojom unutrašnjom istinom,

my inner self.

mojim unutrašnjim identitetom.

For complicated reasons which I'll get to later,

Iz komplikovanih razloga, kojih ću se kasnije dotaći,

when I look at this picture,

kada pogledam ovu sliku

at that time I felt like, Geena, you've done it,

u to vreme sam pomislila: Džina, uradila si to,

you've made it,

uspela si,

you have arrived.

došla si do cilja.

But this past October,

Međutim, prošlog oktobra

I realized that I'm only just beginning.

shvatila sam da sam tek na početku.

All of us are put in boxes by our family,

Naša porodica, religija

by our religion,

društvo,

by our society,

trenuci u istoriji,

our moment in history,

čak i naša tela

even our own bodies.

stavljaju nas u određene kutije.

Some people have the courage to break free,

Neki ljudi smognu hrabrosti da se oslobode

not to accept the limitations imposed by

i ne prihvate ograničenja koja je nametnula

the color of their skin

boja njihove kože

or by the beliefs of those that surround them.

ili verovanja onih koji ih okružuju.

Those people are always the threat

Ti su ljudi večita pretnja

to the status quo,

statusu kvo,

to what is considered acceptable.

onome što se smatra prihvatljivim.

In my case, for the last nine years,

U mom slučaju, poslednjih 9 godina,

some of my neighbors,

neki od mojih suseda,

some of my friends, colleagues, even my agent,

prijatelja, kolega, čak ni moj agent

did not know about my history.

nisu znali za moju prošlost.

I think, in mystery, this is called the reveal.

Mislim da se u misterijama ovo zove otkriće.

Here is mine.

A evo i mog.

I was assigned boy at birth

po rođenju dodeljena mi je etiketa "dečak"

based on the appearance of my genitalia.

na osnovu izgleda mojih genitalija.

I remember when I was five years old

Sećam se kada sam sa 5 godina

in the Philippines walking around our house,

na Filipinima hodala po kući

I would always wear this t-shirt on my head.

i uvek nosila majicu na glavi.

And my mom asked me,

I mama bi me pitala:

"How come you always wear that t-shirt on your head?"

"Zašto uvek nosiš majicu na glavi?"

I said, "Mom, this is my hair. I'm a girl."

Ja bih joj rekla: "Ovo je moja kosa. Ja sam devojčica."

I knew then how to self-identify.

Tada sam znala kako da se samoidentifikujem.

Gender has always been considered a fact,

Rod se uvek vodio kao činjenica,

immutable,

nešto neosporno,

but we now know it's actually more fluid,

ali sada znamo da je on zapravo fleksibilniji,

complex and mysterious.

složeniji i misteriozniji.

Because of my success, I never had the courage

Zbog svog uspeha nikada nisam imala hrabrosti

to share my story,

da podelim svoju priču,

not because I thought what I am is wrong,

ne zato što sam mislila da je moj identitet pogrešan

but because of how the world treats those of us

nego zbog načina na koji svet tretira one

who wish to break free.

koji žele da se oslobode stega.

Every day,

Svaki dan

I am so grateful because I am a woman.

sam zahvalna što sam žena.

I have a mom and dad and family

Imam svoju mamu i tatu i porodicu

who accepted me for who I am.

koji su me prihvatili onakvu kakva sam.

Many are not so fortunate.

Mnogi nisu te sreće.

There's a long tradition in Asian culture

Postoji duga tradicija u azijskoj kulturi

that celebrates the fluid mystery of gender.

koja slavi fleksibilnu misteriju roda.

There is a Buddhist goddess of compassion.

Postoji budistička boginja saosećanja.

There is a Hindu goddess, hijra goddess.

Postoji hinduistička boginja, hidžranska boginja.

So when I was eight years old,

Kada sam imala 8 godina

I was at a fiesta in the Philippines celebrating

bila sam na zabavi na Filipinima koja je slavila

these mysteries.

ove misterije.

I was in front of the stage,

Bila sam u prvom redu, ispred bine

and I remember, out comes this beautiful woman

i sećam se jedne prelepe žene koja je izašla

right in front of me,

odmah ispred mene.

and I remember that moment something hit me:

Sećam se da mi je u tom trenutku sinulo:

That is the kind of woman I would like to be.

ja bih želela da budem ovakva žena.

So when I was 15 years old,

Kada sam imala 15 godina,

still dressing as a boy,

dok sam se i dalje oblačila kao dečak,

I met this woman named T.L.

upoznala sam ženu po imenu T.L.

She is a transgender beauty pageant manager.

Ona je direktor za transrodni izbor lepote.

That night she asked me,

Te noći me je pitala:

"How come you are not joining the beauty pageant?"

"Zašto nećeš da se prijaviš na izbor?"

She convinced me that if I joined

Uverila me je da će se, ukoliko se prijavim,

that she would take care of the registration fee

pobrinuti za novac za registraciju,

and the garments,

i odeću,

and that night,

i te noći

I won best in swimsuit

osvojila sam nagradu za najlepšu devojku u bikiniju

i najlepšu devojku u dugoj haljini

and best in long gown

and placed second runner up

i bila sam druga pratilja

among 40-plus candidates.

među više od 40 kandidata.

That moment changed my life.

Taj trenutak je bio prekretnica u mom životu.

All of a sudden, I was introduced

Odjednom sam ušla

to the world of beauty pageants.

u svet izbora lepote.

Not a lot of people could say that your first job

Malo ko može reći da je njihov prvi posao

is a pageant queen for transgender women,

bio kraljica lepote za transrodne žene,

but I'll take it.

ali ja mogu.

So from 15 to 17 years old, I joined

Od moje 15 do 17 godine bila sam deo

the most prestigious pageant

i najprestižnijeg izbora

to the pageant where it's at the back of the truck, literally,

i izbora koji je bukvalno bio u prikolici kamiona.

or sometimes it would be a pavement next to a rice field,

Nekada bi to bio trotoar pored polja pirinča,

and when it rains --

i kada bi pala kiša,

it rains a lot in the Philippines --

na Filipinima puno pada kiša,

the organizers would have to move it

organizatori bi premestili događaj

inside someone's house.

u nečiju kuću.

I also experienced the goodness of strangers,

Takođe sam iskusila dobrotu stranaca

especially when we would travel

pogotovo kada bismo putovali

in remote provinces in the Philippines.

u udaljene provincije Filipina.

But most importantly, I met

Ali najvažnije, upoznala sam

some of my best friends in that community.

neke od svojih najboljih prijatelja u toj zajednici.

In 2001,

Godine 2001,

my mom, who had moved to San Francisco,

moja mama, koja se preselila u San Francisko,

called me and told me that my green card petition came through,

nazvala me je i rekla da je moja molba za zelenu kartu prošla

that I could now move to the United States.

i da mogu da se preselim u SAD.

I resisted it.

Opirala sam se tome.

I told my mom, "Mom, I'm having fun.

Rekla sam mami: "Mama, zabavljam se.

I'm here with my friends,

Ovde sam sa prijateljima.

I love traveling, being a beauty pageant queen."

Volim da putujem i volim što sam misica."

But then two weeks later she called me, she said,

Posle 2 nedelje ponovo me je nazvala i rekla:

"Did you know that if you move to the United States

"Da li znaš da ako se preseliš u SAD,

you could change your name and gender marker?"

mogla bi da promeniš ime i pol?"

That was all I needed to hear.

To je bilo sve što sam trebala da čujem.

Mama mi je rekla da stavim dva slova "e"

My mom also told me to put two E's

in the spelling of my name.

u svoje ime.

She also came with me when I had my surgery

Takođe je pošla sa mnom kada sam išla na operaciju

in Thailand at 19 years old.

na Tajlandu sa 19 godina.

It's interesting, in some of the most rural cities in Thailand,

Zanimljivo je to da se u nekim najruralnijim gradovima na Tajlandu

they perform some of the most prestigious,

vrše neke od najprestižnijih,

safe and sophisticated surgery.

najsigurnijih i najsofisticiranijih operacija.

U to vreme u SAD-u

At that time in the United States,

morao si prvo da odeš na operaciju

you needed to have surgery

before you could change your name and gender marker.

pre nego što možeš da promeniš svoje ime i rodnu pripadnost.

So in 2001, I moved to San Francisco,

2001. preselila sam se u San Francisko

and I remember looking at my California driver's license

i sećam se kako sam gledala svoju vozačku dozvolu

with the name Geena

na kojoj je pisalo Džina

and gender marker F.

i pol Ž.

That was a powerful moment.

To je bio moćan trenutak.

For some people,

Za neke ljude

their I.D. is their license to drive

njihova lična karta je dozvola za vožnju

or even to get a drink,

ili čak konzumiranje alkohola,

but for me, that was my license to live,

ali za mene je ona bila dozvola za život,

to feel dignified.

za dostojanstvo.

All of a sudden, my fears were minimized.

Odjednom, svi moji strahovi su postali manji.

I felt that I could conquer my dream

Osećala sam da mogu da ostvarim svoj san,

and move to New York and be a model.

preselim se u Njujork i postanem model.

Many are not so fortunate.

Mnogi nisu te sreće.

I think of this woman named Islan Nettles.

Mislim na jednu ženu koja se zove Ajla Netls.

She's from New York, she's a young woman

Iz Njujorka je i ona je mlada žena

who was courageously living her truth,

koja je hrabro živela prema svojoj istini,

but hatred ended her life.

ali je mržnja okončala njen život.

For most of my community,

Za većinu moje zajednice,

this is the reality in which we live.

ovo je realnost u kojoj živimo.

Our suicide rate is nine times higher

Naša stopa samoubistva je 9 puta viša

than that of the general population.

u odnosu na generalnu populaciju.

Every November 20,

Svakog 20. novembra

we have a global vigil

imamo globalno bdenje

for Transgender Day of Remembrance.

u spomen Dana transrodnosti.

I'm here at this stage

Ja sam na ovoj bini

because it's a long history of people who fought

zbog duge istorije borbe ljudi

and stood up for injustice.

koji su se usprotivili nepravdi.

This is Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera.

Ovo su Marša P. Džonson i Silvija Rivera.

Today, this very moment,

Danas, ovog trenutka,

is my real coming out.

dešava se moje pravo razotkrivanje.

I could no longer live my truth

Nisam više mogla da živim prema svojoj istini

for and by myself.

sama i za sebe.

I want to do my best to help others

Želim da dam sve od sebe da pomognem drugima

live their truth without shame and terror.

da žive prema njihovoj istini bez srama i straha.

I am here, exposed,

Ja stojim ovde razotkrivena,

so that one day there will never be a need

kako jednog dana više ne bi bilo potrebe

for a November 20 vigil.

za bdenjem na 20. novembar.

My deepest truth allowed me to accept who I am.

Moja najdublja istina mi je dozvolila da prihvatim sebe.

Will you?

Hoćete li i vi?

Thank you very much.

Hvala mnogo.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)

Hvala vam.

Kathryn Schulz: Geena, one quick question for you.

Ketrin Šulc: Džina, jedno brzo pitanje.

I'm wondering what you would say,

Pitam se šta bi rekla,

especially to parents,

posebno roditeljima,

but in a more broad way, to friends,

ali u širem kontekstu, prijateljima,

to family, to anyone who finds themselves

porodicama, bilo kome

ko se susreće sa detetom ili osobom

encountering a child or a person

who is struggling with and uncomfortable with

koja se bori i kojoj ne odgovara

a gender that's being assigned them,

rod koji im je dodeljen,

what might you say

šta bi rekla

to the family members of that person

članovima porodice te osobe

to help them become good and caring and kind

kako bi im pomogla da postanu dobri i brižni

family members to them?

članovi porodice prema njima?

Geena Rocero: Sure. Well, first, really, I'm so blessed.

Džina Rosero: Naravno. Pre svega ja imam sreće.

The support system, with my mom especially,

Sistem podrške, pogotovo uz moju mamu

and my family, that in itself

i moju porodicu

is just so powerful.

je jako snažan.

I remember every time I would coach

Sećam se kada bih bila mentor

young trans women, I would mentor them,

mladim transrodnim ženama,

and sometimes when they would call me

one bi me ponekad nazvale

and tell me that their parents can't accept it,

i rekle da ih njihovi roditelji ne prihvataju,

I would pick up that phone call and tell my mom,

ja bih podigla slušalicu i rekla svojoj mami:

"Mom, can you call this woman?"

"Mama, možeš li da nazoveš ovu ženu?"

And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so —

Nekada bi to upalilo, nekada ne.

But it's just, gender identity

Ali rodni identitet

is in the core of our being, right?

je srž naše ličnosti, zar ne?

I mean, we're all assigned gender at birth,

Svima nama je dodeljen pol po rođenju

so what I'm trying to do

i ono što ja pokušavam

is to have this conversation that

je da argumentujem u razgovoru

sometimes that gender assignment doesn't match,

da se nekada ta dodela pola ne poklapa

and there should be a space

i da bi trebalo da postoji prostor

that would allow people to self-identify,

koji će dozvoliti ljudima da se sami identifikuju

and that's a conversation that we should have

i taj razgovor bi trebalo da vodimo

with parents, with colleagues.

sa roditeljima, kolegama.

The transgender movement,

Transrodni pokret

it's at the very beginning,

je u svom začeću

to compare to how the gay movement started.

kada se uporedi sa početkom gej pokreta.

There's still a lot of work that needs to be done.

Ima još puno toga da se uradi.

There should be an understanding.

Treba da postoji razumevanje.

There should be a space of curiosity

Treba da postoji prostor za radoznalost

and asking questions,

i postavljanje pitanja

and I hope all of you guys will be my allies.

i nadam se da ćete svi vi biti moji saveznici.

KS: Thank you. That was so lovely. GR: Thank you.

KŠ: Hvala. To je bilo divno. DžR: Hvala

(Applause)

(Aplauz)