Why I must come out | Geena Rocero

Prevoditelj: Mladen Barešić Recezent: Ivan Stamenković

The world makes you something that you're not,

Svijet vas čini nečim što niste,

but you know inside what you are,

ali u sebi znate što ste,

and that question burns in your heart:

i to pitanje gori u vašem srcu:

How will you become that?

Kako ćete to postati?

I may be somewhat unique in this,

Ja sam možda jedinstvena u tome,

but I am not alone,

ali nisam jedina,

not alone at all.

uopće nisam jedina.

So when I became a fashion model,

Kada sam postala model,

I felt that I'd finally achieved the dream

osjećala sam da sam napokon ostvarila san

that I'd always wanted since I was a young child.

koji sam sanjala od kada sam bila malo dijete.

My outside self finally matched my inner truth,

Moja vanjsko Ja napokon je bilo usklađeno s mojom unutarnjom istinom,

my inner self.

s mojim unutarnjim Ja.

For complicated reasons which I'll get to later,

Zbog kompliciranih razloga koje ću kasnije navesti,

when I look at this picture,

kad pogledam ovu sliku,

at that time I felt like, Geena, you've done it,

tad sam se osjećala kao, Geena, uspjela si,

you've made it,

ostvarila si to,

you have arrived.

na cilju si.

But this past October,

Ali, prošlog listopada

I realized that I'm only just beginning.

shvatila sam da tek počinjem.

All of us are put in boxes by our family,

Svi smo mi svrstani u kutije, od strane naših obitelji,

by our religion,

naše vjeroispovijesti,

by our society,

našeg društva,

our moment in history,

našeg trenutka u povijesti,

even our own bodies.

čak i naših vlastitih tijela.

Some people have the courage to break free,

Neki ljudi imaju hrabrosti osloboditi se,

not to accept the limitations imposed by

ne prihvatiti ograničenja postavljena

the color of their skin

zbog boje njihove kože

or by the beliefs of those that surround them.

ili uslijed uvjerenja koja ih okružuju.

Those people are always the threat

Ti su ljudi uvijek prijetnja

to the status quo,

statusu quo,

to what is considered acceptable.

onome što se smatra prihvatljivim.

In my case, for the last nine years,

U mom slučaju, posljednjih devet godina,

some of my neighbors,

neki od mojih susjeda,

some of my friends, colleagues, even my agent,

neki od mojih prijatelja, kolega, čak i moj agent,

did not know about my history.

nisu znali za moju prošlost.

I think, in mystery, this is called the reveal.

Mislim da se, u misteriji, ovo naziva otkrivanjem.

Here is mine.

Evo moga.

I was assigned boy at birth

Po rođenju mi je dodijeljen spol dječaka

based on the appearance of my genitalia.

na temelju izgleda mojih genitalija.

I remember when I was five years old

Kad sam imao pet godina,

in the Philippines walking around our house,

i na Filipinima šetao oko naše kuće,

I would always wear this t-shirt on my head.

uvijek bih nosio ovu majicu kratkih rukava na glavi.

And my mom asked me,

I majka me pitala:

"How come you always wear that t-shirt on your head?"

"Kako to da uvijek nosiš tu majicu na glavi?"

I said, "Mom, this is my hair. I'm a girl."

Rekao sam: "Mama, to je moja kosa. Ja sam djevojčica."

I knew then how to self-identify.

Znao sam tada kako da se samo-identificiram.

Gender has always been considered a fact,

Spol je oduvijek smatran činjenicom,

immutable,

neporecivom,

but we now know it's actually more fluid,

ali znamo da je on zapravo više fluidan,

complex and mysterious.

složen i tajanstven.

Because of my success, I never had the courage

Zbog svog uspjeha nikad nisam imala hrabrosti

to share my story,

ispričati svoju priču,

not because I thought what I am is wrong,

ne zato što sam smatrala da je pogrešno ono što jesam,

but because of how the world treats those of us

već zbog načina na koji svijet tretira one među nama

who wish to break free.

koji se žele osloboditi.

Every day,

Svakoga dana,

I am so grateful because I am a woman.

silno sam zahvalna što sam žena.

I have a mom and dad and family

Imam majku i oca, obitelj

who accepted me for who I am.

koja me prihvatila onakvu kakva jesam.

Many are not so fortunate.

Mnogi nisu sretni poput mene.

There's a long tradition in Asian culture

Postoji duga tradicija u azijskoj kulturi,

that celebrates the fluid mystery of gender.

koja slavi taj fluidni misterij spola.

There is a Buddhist goddess of compassion.

Postoji Budistička božica suosjećanja.

There is a Hindu goddess, hijra goddess.

Postoji Hinduistička božica, božica hijra.

So when I was eight years old,

Kad sam imala osam godina,

I was at a fiesta in the Philippines celebrating

na Filipinima, bila sam na zabavi gdje su se slavili

these mysteries.

ovi misteriji.

I was in front of the stage,

Bila sam ispred pozornice,

and I remember, out comes this beautiful woman

i sjećam se izlaska prekrasne žene,

right in front of me,

točno preda mnom,

and I remember that moment something hit me:

sjećam se da mi je tog trenutka sinulo:

That is the kind of woman I would like to be.

Takva bih žena željela biti.

So when I was 15 years old,

Kad sam imala petnaest godina,

still dressing as a boy,

još uvijek se odijevajući kao dječak,

I met this woman named T.L.

upoznala sam tu ženu imena T. L.

She is a transgender beauty pageant manager.

Ona je voditeljica transrodnih natjecanja u ljepoti.

That night she asked me,

Te me noći zapitala:

"How come you are not joining the beauty pageant?"

"Kako to da se ti ne prijaviš na natjecanje?"

She convinced me that if I joined

Uvjerila me da će se ona, ako se prijavim,

that she would take care of the registration fee

pobrinuti za troškove prijave,

and the garments,

i za odjeću,

and that night,

i te noći,

I won best in swimsuit

pobijedila sam u kategoriji kupaćih kostima

and best in long gown

i u kategoriji svečanih haljina,

and placed second runner up

i bila druga pratilja

among 40-plus candidates.

između više od 40 natjecatelja.

That moment changed my life.

Taj je trenutak promijenio moj život.

All of a sudden, I was introduced

Odjednom sam ušla

to the world of beauty pageants.

u svijet natjecanja u ljepoti.

Not a lot of people could say that your first job

Malo ljudi može reći kako im je prvi posao bio

is a pageant queen for transgender women,

Miss transrodnih žena,

but I'll take it.

ali prihvaćam to.

So from 15 to 17 years old, I joined

Od petnaeste do sedamnaeste godine, uključila sam se u neka

the most prestigious pageant

od najprestižnija natjecanja,

to the pageant where it's at the back of the truck, literally,

do natjecanja koja se održavaju na prikolici kamiona, doslovno,

or sometimes it would be a pavement next to a rice field,

ili bi to ponekad bio pločnik pored rižinog polja,

and when it rains --

i kada pada kiša --

it rains a lot in the Philippines --

a na Filipinima često pada kiša --

the organizers would have to move it

organizatori bi ga morali preseliti

inside someone's house.

u nečiju kuću.

I also experienced the goodness of strangers,

Također, iskusila sam dobrotu potpunih stranaca,

especially when we would travel

osobito kada bismo putovali

in remote provinces in the Philippines.

u udaljene Filipinske pokrajine.

But most importantly, I met

Ali najvažnije je da sam upoznala

some of my best friends in that community.

neke od svojih najboljih prijatelja u toj zajednici.

In 2001,

Godine 2001.,

my mom, who had moved to San Francisco,

moja mama, koja se preselila u San Francisco,

called me and told me that my green card petition came through,

nazvala me i rekla mi da je moj zahtjev za zelenu kartu odobren,

that I could now move to the United States.

da se mogu preseliti u SAD.

I resisted it.

Odbijala sam to.

I told my mom, "Mom, I'm having fun.

Rekla sam majci: "Mama, zabavljam se.

I'm here with my friends,

Tu sam s prijateljima,

I love traveling, being a beauty pageant queen."

volim putovati, biti miss."

But then two weeks later she called me, she said,

Ali, nakon dva tjedna nazvala me i rekla:

"Did you know that if you move to the United States

"Jesi li znala da, ako se preseliš u SAD,

you could change your name and gender marker?"

možeš promijeniti ime i svoju oznaku spola?"

That was all I needed to hear.

To je sve što sam trebala čuti.

My mom also told me to put two E's

Majka mi je također rekla da dodam jedno E

in the spelling of my name.

u pisanju svog imena.

She also came with me when I had my surgery

Također je išla sa mnom kada sam operirana

in Thailand at 19 years old.

na Tajlandu u dobi od 19 godina.

It's interesting, in some of the most rural cities in Thailand,

Zanimljivo je kako u nekima od ruralnijih gradova na Tajlandu,

they perform some of the most prestigious,

oni rade neke od najprestižnijih,

safe and sophisticated surgery.

najsigurnijih i najsofisticiranih operacija.

At that time in the United States,

U to vrijeme u SAD-u,

you needed to have surgery

morali ste biti operirani

before you could change your name and gender marker.

prije nego ste mogli promijeniti ime i oznaku spola.

So in 2001, I moved to San Francisco,

Tako da sam se 2001. preselila u San Francisco,

and I remember looking at my California driver's license

i sjećam se dok sam gledala svoju kalifornijsku vozačku dozvolu

with the name Geena

s imenom Geena

and gender marker F.

i oznakom spola Ž.

That was a powerful moment.

To je bio moćan trenutak.

For some people,

Za neke ljude,

their I.D. is their license to drive

njihova osobna iskaznica je njihova vozačka dozvola

or even to get a drink,

ili dozvola za kupovinu pića,

but for me, that was my license to live,

ali za mene je to bila moja dozvola da živim,

to feel dignified.

da se osjećam dostojanstveno.

All of a sudden, my fears were minimized.

Odjednom, moji strahovi bili su minimizirani.

I felt that I could conquer my dream

Osjećala sam da mogu osvojiti svoj san

and move to New York and be a model.

i odseliti se u New York i biti model.

Many are not so fortunate.

Mnogi nisu tako sretni.

I think of this woman named Islan Nettles.

Sjetim se žene imena Ayla Nettles.

She's from New York, she's a young woman

Ona je iz New Yorka, mlada žena

who was courageously living her truth,

koja je hrabro živjela vlastitu istinu

but hatred ended her life.

ali je mržnja prekinula njen život.

For most of my community,

Za većinu moje zajednice,

this is the reality in which we live.

ovo je stvarnost u kojoj živimo.

Our suicide rate is nine times higher

Naša stopa samoubojstava je devet puta veća

than that of the general population.

od one u generalnoj populaciji.

Every November 20,

Svakog 20. studenog

we have a global vigil

imamo globalno bdijenje

for Transgender Day of Remembrance.

za Transrodni Dan Sjećanja.

I'm here at this stage

Na ovoj pozornici sam

because it's a long history of people who fought

jer je to duga povijest ljudi koji su se borili

and stood up for injustice.

i ustajali protiv nepravde.

This is Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera.

Ovo su Marsha P. Johnson i Sylvia Rivera.

Today, this very moment,

Danas, ovog trenutka,

is my real coming out.

je moj pravi izlazak.

I could no longer live my truth

Nisam više mogla živjeti vlastitu istinu

for and by myself.

za sebe, sama.

I want to do my best to help others

Želim dati sve od sebe kako bih pomogla drugima

live their truth without shame and terror.

da žive svoju istinu bez srama i teroriziranja.

I am here, exposed,

Ovdje sam, izložena,

so that one day there will never be a need

kako jednog dana ne bi bilo potrebe

for a November 20 vigil.

za bdijenje 20. studenog.

My deepest truth allowed me to accept who I am.

Moja najdublja istina dozvolila mi je da prihvatim tko sam.

Will you?

Hoćete li vi?

Thank you very much.

Hvala vam puno.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)

Hvala vam. Hvala vam. Hvala vam. (Pljesak)

Kathryn Schulz: Geena, one quick question for you.

Kathryn Schulz: Geena, jedno kratko pitanje za tebe.

I'm wondering what you would say,

Pitam se što bi rekla,

especially to parents,

posebno roditeljima,

but in a more broad way, to friends,

ali šire, prijateljima,

to family, to anyone who finds themselves

obitelji, bilo kome tko se nađe

encountering a child or a person

suočen s djetetom ili osobom

who is struggling with and uncomfortable with

koja se bori i neugodno joj je zbog

a gender that's being assigned them,

spola koji im je dodijeljen,

what might you say

što bi rekla

to the family members of that person

obitelji te osobe

to help them become good and caring and kind

kako bi postali dobri, brižni i ljubazni

family members to them?

članovi obitelji prema njima?

Geena Rocero: Sure. Well, first, really, I'm so blessed.

Geena Rocero: Naravno. Pa, prvo, zaista sam blagoslovljena.

The support system, with my mom especially,

Sustav podrške, osobito onaj moje majke,

and my family, that in itself

i moje obitelji, koji sam po sebi

is just so powerful.

je jednostavno tako jak.

I remember every time I would coach

Sjećam se svakog puta kada sam podučavala

young trans women, I would mentor them,

mlade transrodne žene, bila sam im mentor,

and sometimes when they would call me

i ponekad bi me nazvali

and tell me that their parents can't accept it,

i rekli mi da to njihovi roditelji ne mogu prihvatiti.

I would pick up that phone call and tell my mom,

Preuzela bih taj poziv i rekla mami,

"Mom, can you call this woman?"

"Mama, možeš li nazvati ovu ženu?"

And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so —

I ponekad to radi, ponekad ne, tako da --

But it's just, gender identity

Ali to je samo zato što je spolni identitet

is in the core of our being, right?

u srži našeg bića, zar ne?

I mean, we're all assigned gender at birth,

Svima nam je pri rođenju dodijeljen spol,

so what I'm trying to do

pa je ono što ja pokušavam

is to have this conversation that

zapodjenuti razgovor koji

sometimes that gender assignment doesn't match,

kaže da ponekad raspodjela spola nije točna,

and there should be a space

i da bi trebao postojati prostor

that would allow people to self-identify,

koji bi dozvolio ljudima da se samo-identificiraju,

and that's a conversation that we should have

i to je razgovor koji trebamo voditi

with parents, with colleagues.

s roditeljima, s kolegama.

The transgender movement,

Transrodni pokret

it's at the very beginning,

je na samom početku,

to compare to how the gay movement started.

u usporedbi s onime kako je gay-pokret započeo.

There's still a lot of work that needs to be done.

Još je puno toga što treba obaviti.

There should be an understanding.

Trebalo bi postojati razumijevanje.

There should be a space of curiosity

Trebalo bi biti prostora za znatiželju

and asking questions,

i propitivanje,

and I hope all of you guys will be my allies.

i nadam se da ćete svi vi biti moji saveznici.

KS: Thank you. That was so lovely. GR: Thank you.

KS: Hvala ti. To je bilo divno. GR: Hvala tebi.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)