Why I must come out | Geena Rocero

Translator: Andreja Benčina Reviewer: Nika Kotnik

The world makes you something that you're not,

Svet vas naredi nekaj kar niste,

but you know inside what you are,

ampak v sebi veste, kaj ste

and that question burns in your heart:

in v duši vas žge vprašanje:

How will you become that?

Kako boste to postali?

I may be somewhat unique in this,

Sama sem pri tem nekaj posebnega,

but I am not alone,

a nisem edina,

not alone at all.

še zdaleč ne.

So when I became a fashion model,

Ko sem postala model,

I felt that I'd finally achieved the dream

sem čutila, da sem končno dosegla svoje sanje,

that I'd always wanted since I was a young child.

ki sem jih sanjala že od otroštva.

My outside self finally matched my inner truth,

Moja zunanjost se je končno ujemala z mojo notranjo resnico,

my inner self.

z mojim notranjim jazom.

For complicated reasons which I'll get to later,

Zaradi zapletenih razlogov, ki jih bom opisala kasneje,

when I look at this picture,

ko pogledam to sliko,

at that time I felt like, Geena, you've done it,

tedaj sem si rekla, Geena, uspelo ti je,

you've made it,

posrečilo se ti je,

you have arrived.

prispela si.

But this past October,

Toda pretekli oktober

I realized that I'm only just beginning.

sem spoznala, da šele začenjam.

All of us are put in boxes by our family,

Vsi smo spravljeni v predalčke. Tja nas dajejo družina,

by our religion,

vera,

by our society,

družba,

our moment in history,

naš trenutek v zgodovini,

even our own bodies.

celo naša lastna telesa.

Some people have the courage to break free,

Nekateri imajo pogum, da se tega osvobodijo,

not to accept the limitations imposed by

da ne sprejmejo omejitev, ki jim jih postavlja

the color of their skin

barva njihove kože

or by the beliefs of those that surround them.

ali prepričanja tistih okrog njih.

Those people are always the threat

To so ljudje, ki so vedno grožnja

to the status quo,

statusu quo,

to what is considered acceptable.

tistemu kar je sprejemljivo.

In my case, for the last nine years,

Pri meni zadnjih devet let

some of my neighbors,

nekateri moji sosedje,

some of my friends, colleagues, even my agent,

nekateri moji prijatelji, sodelavci, celo moj agent

did not know about my history.

niso poznali moje preteklosti.

I think, in mystery, this is called the reveal.

Mislim, da se temu v kriminalkah reče razkritje.

Here is mine.

Tukaj je moje.

I was assigned boy at birth

Ob rojstvu mi je bil dodeljen spol dečka

based on the appearance of my genitalia.

glede na videz mojih genitalij.

I remember when I was five years old

Spominjam se, da sem se pri petih letih

in the Philippines walking around our house,

sprehajala okrog domače hiše na Filipinih

I would always wear this t-shirt on my head.

in na glavi vedno nosila majico.

And my mom asked me,

In mama me je vprašala

"How come you always wear that t-shirt on your head?"

"Zakaj vedno nosiš to majico na glavi?"

I said, "Mom, this is my hair. I'm a girl."

Odgovorila sem: "Mami, to so moji lasje, punčka sem."

I knew then how to self-identify.

Že tedaj sem vedela, kako se identificirati.

Gender has always been considered a fact,

Spol je bil vedno razumljen kot dejstvo,

immutable,

nespremenljivo,

but we now know it's actually more fluid,

ampak danes vemo, da je pravzaprav veliko bolj prožno,

complex and mysterious.

kompleksno in skrivnostno.

Because of my success, I never had the courage

Zaradi lastnega uspeha nikoli nisem imela poguma,

to share my story,

da bi delila svojo zgodbo,

not because I thought what I am is wrong,

a ne, ker bi mislila, da je to, kar sem, nekaj napačnega,

but because of how the world treats those of us

ampak zaradi tega kako svet ravna s tistimi izmed nas,

who wish to break free.

ki si želijo osvoboditve.

Every day,

Vsak dan

I am so grateful because I am a woman.

sem tako hvaležna, ker sem ženska.

I have a mom and dad and family

Imam mamo in očeta in družino,

who accepted me for who I am.

ki so me sprejeli tako kot sem.

Many are not so fortunate.

Mnogi nimajo te sreče.

There's a long tradition in Asian culture

V azijski kulturi je dolga tradicija

that celebrates the fluid mystery of gender.

čaščenja skrivnostne nedoločljivosti spola.

There is a Buddhist goddess of compassion.

Tu je budistična boginja sočutja.

There is a Hindu goddess, hijra goddess.

Tu je hindujska boginja, hidžra.

So when I was eight years old,

Ko sem bila stara osem let

I was at a fiesta in the Philippines celebrating

sem bila na Filipinih na slavju prirejenem

these mysteries.

v čast tem skrivnostim.

I was in front of the stage,

Bila sem tik pred odrom

and I remember, out comes this beautiful woman

in spominjam se prihoda te čudovite ženske

right in front of me,

prav pred mano

and I remember that moment something hit me:

in spominjam se, da me je takrat spreletelo:

That is the kind of woman I would like to be.

Takšna ženska hočem biti jaz.

So when I was 15 years old,

In ko sem bila stara 15 let,

still dressing as a boy,

še vedno oblečena kot fant,

I met this woman named T.L.

sem srečala žensko imenovano T. L.

She is a transgender beauty pageant manager.

Je organizatorka transspolnih lepotnih tekmovanj.

That night she asked me,

Tistega večera me je vprašala:

"How come you are not joining the beauty pageant?"

"Zakaj se ne prijaviš na tekmovanje?"

She convinced me that if I joined

Prepričala me je, da bo, če se prijavim

that she would take care of the registration fee

poskrbela za prijavnino,

and the garments,

oblačila

and that night,

in tisti večer

I won best in swimsuit

sem osvojila naziv najlepše v kopalkah

and best in long gown

in v večerni obleki

and placed second runner up

in se uvrstila kot druga spremljevalka

among 40-plus candidates.

med več kot štiridesetimi prijavljenimi.

That moment changed my life.

Tisti trenutek mi je spremenil življenje.

All of a sudden, I was introduced

Naenkrat sem postala

to the world of beauty pageants.

del sveta lepotnih tekmovanj.

Not a lot of people could say that your first job

Ni jih veliko, ki lahko rečejo, da je njihova prva služba

is a pageant queen for transgender women,

kraljica lepotnih tekmovanj za transspolne ženske,

but I'll take it.

ampak jaz sprejmem.

So from 15 to 17 years old, I joined

Tako sem se med 15 in 17 letom udeleževala

the most prestigious pageant

tako najbolj prestižnih tekmovanj

to the pageant where it's at the back of the truck, literally,

kot tistih, ki so dobesedno potekala na prikolici tovornjaka,

or sometimes it would be a pavement next to a rice field,

ali pa na pločniku poleg riževega polja

and when it rains --

in kadar je deževalo -

it rains a lot in the Philippines --

in na Filipinih pogosto dežuje -

the organizers would have to move it

so morali organizatorji tekmovanje preseliti

inside someone's house.

v hišo katerega od prebivalcev.

I also experienced the goodness of strangers,

Izkusila sem tudi prijaznost neznancev,

especially when we would travel

še posebej kadar smo potovali

in remote provinces in the Philippines.

v oddaljene province Filipinov.

But most importantly, I met

A najpomembnejše, spoznala sem

some of my best friends in that community.

nekatere izmed mojih najboljših prijateljev v tisti skupnosti.

In 2001,

Leta 2001 me je poklicala moja mama,

my mom, who had moved to San Francisco,

ki se je preselila v San Francisco

called me and told me that my green card petition came through,

in mi povedala, da so mi odobrili zeleno karto

that I could now move to the United States.

in da se lahko sedaj preselim v ZDA.

I resisted it.

Upirala sem se.

I told my mom, "Mom, I'm having fun.

Rekla sem: "Mama, zabavam se.

I'm here with my friends,

Tu sem s prijatelji,

I love traveling, being a beauty pageant queen."

rada potujem in rada sem kraljica lepotnih tekmovanj."

But then two weeks later she called me, she said,

Toda po dveh tednih me je poklicala in rekla

"Did you know that if you move to the United States

"Ali veš, da lahko ob selitvi v ZDA

you could change your name and gender marker?"

spremeniš svoje ime in oznako spola?"

That was all I needed to hear.

To je bilo vse kar sem želela slišati.

My mom also told me to put two E's

Svetovala mi je naj uporabim dva 'E'

in the spelling of my name.

pri črkovanju svojega imena.

She also came with me when I had my surgery

Spremljala me je tudi med operacijami

in Thailand at 19 years old.

na Tajskem pri devetnajstih letih.

It's interesting, in some of the most rural cities in Thailand,

Zanimivo je, da v nekaterih najbolj podeželskih krajih na Tajskem

they perform some of the most prestigious,

opravljajo nekatere od najbolj prestižnih,

safe and sophisticated surgery.

varnih in prefinjenih operacij.

At that time in the United States,

Takrat so ZDA

you needed to have surgery

še zahtevale operacijo

before you could change your name and gender marker.

preden je bila mogoča sprememba imena in oznake spola.

So in 2001, I moved to San Francisco,

Tako sem se leta 2001 preselila v San Francisco.

and I remember looking at my California driver's license

Spominjam se opazovanja mojega kalifornijskega vozniškega dovoljenja

with the name Geena

z imenom Geena

and gender marker F.

in oznako spola Ž.

That was a powerful moment.

To je bil izjemen trenutek.

For some people,

Za nekatere

their I.D. is their license to drive

je osebni dokument le dovoljenje za vožnjo

or even to get a drink,

ali dokument, s katerim lahko naročijo alkohol,

but for me, that was my license to live,

ampak zame je bilo dovoljenje za življenje,

to feel dignified.

da se počutim dostojanstveno.

All of a sudden, my fears were minimized.

Naenkrat so se moji strahovi povsem zmanjšali.

I felt that I could conquer my dream

Čutila sem, da lahko osvojim svoje sanje,

and move to New York and be a model.

da se preselim v New York in postanem model.

Many are not so fortunate.

Mnogi nimajo te sreče.

I think of this woman named Islan Nettles.

V mislih imam to žensko, Aylo Nettles.

She's from New York, she's a young woman

Je mlada ženska iz New Yorka,

who was courageously living her truth,

ki je pogumno živela svojo resnico,

but hatred ended her life.

a se je njeno življenje končalo zaradi sovraštva.

For most of my community,

Za večino iz moje skupnosti

this is the reality in which we live.

je to realnost v kateri živimo.

Our suicide rate is nine times higher

Stopnja samomorov med nami je devetkrat višja

than that of the general population.

kot med preostalo populacijo.

Every November 20,

Vsakega 20. novembra

we have a global vigil

imamo svetovno vigilijo

for Transgender Day of Remembrance.

na Dan spomina na transspolne osebe.

I'm here at this stage

Na tem odru stojim

because it's a long history of people who fought

zaradi dolge zgodovine ljudi, ki so se borili

and stood up for injustice.

in se upirali nepravičnosti.

This is Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera.

Tu sta Marsha P. Johnson in Sylvia Rivera.

Today, this very moment,

Danes, prav ta trenutek tukaj,

is my real coming out.

je moje pravo razkritje.

I could no longer live my truth

Nisem več mogla živeti moje resnice

for and by myself.

sama in zgolj zase.

I want to do my best to help others

Največ hočem narediti, da bi pomagala drugim,

live their truth without shame and terror.

živeti svojo resnico brez sramu in nasilja.

I am here, exposed,

Tukaj sem, razgaljena

so that one day there will never be a need

zato, da nekega dne ne bo več potrebna

for a November 20 vigil.

vigilija 20. novembra.

My deepest truth allowed me to accept who I am.

Moja najgloblja resnica mi je dovolila, da sprejmem kdo sem.

Will you?

Boste tudi vi?

Thank you very much.

Najlepša hvala.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)

Hvala. Hvala. Hvala. (Aplavz)

Kathryn Schulz: Geena, one quick question for you.

Kathryn Schulz: Geena, še eno vprašanje.

I'm wondering what you would say,

Zanima me, kaj bi imela povedati,

especially to parents,

še posebno staršem,

but in a more broad way, to friends,

ampak širše tudi prijateljem,

to family, to anyone who finds themselves

družini, komurkoli,

encountering a child or a person

ki se sreča z otrokom ali osebo,

who is struggling with and uncomfortable with

ki se bori in ni srečen

a gender that's being assigned them,

s spolom, ki jim je bil dodeljen.

what might you say

Kaj bi rekla

to the family members of that person

družinskim članom take osebe,

to help them become good and caring and kind

da bi jim lahko pomagala postati dobri in skrbeči

family members to them?

družinski člani takim ljudem?

Geena Rocero: Sure. Well, first, really, I'm so blessed.

G.R: Seveda. Najprej, resnično imam srečo.

The support system, with my mom especially,

Podporni sistem, še posebno moja mama,

and my family, that in itself

in moja družina, že samo to

is just so powerful.

nosi tako veliko moč.

I remember every time I would coach

Spominjam se, vsakič, ko sem poučevala

young trans women, I would mentor them,

mlade transspolne ženske in bila njihova mentorica

and sometimes when they would call me

so me kdaj poklicale

and tell me that their parents can't accept it,

in mi povedale, da njihovi starši tega ne sprejemajo.

I would pick up that phone call and tell my mom,

Pograbila sem telefon in rekla mami

"Mom, can you call this woman?"

"Mami, ali lahko ti govoriš s to žensko?"

And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so —

In včasih deluje, včasih ne, tako da -

But it's just, gender identity

Toda, spolna identiteta

is in the core of our being, right?

je osnova našega bitja, kajne?

I mean, we're all assigned gender at birth,

Hočem reči, vsem določijo spol ob rojstvu,

so what I'm trying to do

kar hočem doseči jaz

is to have this conversation that

je to, da se začnemo pogovarjati o tem,

sometimes that gender assignment doesn't match,

da se včasih določeni spol ne ujema z osebo

and there should be a space

in da bi moral obstajati prostor,

that would allow people to self-identify,

ki bi dovoljeval ljudem, da se sami identificirajo.

and that's a conversation that we should have

To je pogovor, ki bi ga morali imeti

with parents, with colleagues.

s starši, s sodelavci.

The transgender movement,

Transspolno gibanje

it's at the very beginning,

je še v povojih,

to compare to how the gay movement started.

če ga primerjamo z začetki gejevskega gibanja.

There's still a lot of work that needs to be done.

Potrebnega je še veliko dela.

There should be an understanding.

Moralo bi biti tudi razumevanje.

There should be a space of curiosity

Moral bi biti tudi prostor za radovednost

and asking questions,

in postavljanje vprašanj

and I hope all of you guys will be my allies.

in upam, da boste vsi vi moji zavezniki.

KS: Thank you. That was so lovely. GR: Thank you.

KS: Hvala. To je bilo čudovito. GR: Hvala.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)