Why I must come out | Geena Rocero

翻译人员: Xiaoou Chen 校对人员: Mingwei Ma

The world makes you something that you're not,

这个世界造就了一个不真实的你，

but you know inside what you are,

但在内心深处，你知道自己是谁。

and that question burns in your heart:

有个问题使你心神不安：

How will you become that?

“你是怎样变成那样的呢？”

I may be somewhat unique in this,

也许我是这个问题的一个特例，

but I am not alone,

但我并不孤单，

not alone at all.

一点也不。

So when I became a fashion model,

当我成为一名时装模特时，

I felt that I'd finally achieved the dream

我感觉我终于实现了

that I'd always wanted since I was a young child.

小时候一直向往的梦想。

My outside self finally matched my inner truth,

我外在的自我终于和我内心的真实，

my inner self.

我真实的自我，成为一致。

For complicated reasons which I'll get to later,

由于一些我之后将解释复杂的原因

when I look at this picture,

当我看着张照片时，

at that time I felt like, Geena, you've done it,

那时我感觉，“吉娜你做到了，

you've made it,

你成功了，

you have arrived.

你完成心愿了。“

But this past October,

但是，在之前的十月里，

I realized that I'm only just beginning.

我意识到这只是一个开始。

All of us are put in boxes by our family,

我们大家都被家庭，

by our religion,

宗教，

by our society,

社会，

our moment in history,

历史，

even our own bodies.

甚至我们的生体所限制。

Some people have the courage to break free,

有些人有勇气去解放自我，

not to accept the limitations imposed by

不接受因为皮肤颜色

the color of their skin

或者大环境中的信仰

or by the beliefs of those that surround them.

所导致的限制。

Those people are always the threat

这些人对所谓的

to the status quo,

”可以接受的标准 “

to what is considered acceptable.

一直都是威胁。

In my case, for the last nine years,

就我而言，在过去的九年里

some of my neighbors,

我的一些邻居，

some of my friends, colleagues, even my agent,

部分朋友和同事，甚至有些中介

did not know about my history.

都不知道我的历史。

I think, in mystery, this is called the reveal.

我认为在宗教中这叫做事实的揭露。

Here is mine.

这是我的故事。

I was assigned boy at birth

在我出生时，根据生殖器的外观

based on the appearance of my genitalia.

我被鉴别为男孩。

I remember when I was five years old

我记得在菲律宾，我五岁的时候

in the Philippines walking around our house,

在房子周围走动的时候，

I would always wear this t-shirt on my head.

我总是会把这件短袖衫穿在头上。

And my mom asked me,

我妈妈便问我，

"How come you always wear that t-shirt on your head?"

“你为什么总是把那件短袖衫穿在头上？”

I said, "Mom, this is my hair. I'm a girl."

我说：“妈妈，这是我的头发，我是一个女孩。”

I knew then how to self-identify.

那时我就知道如何自我识别。

Gender has always been considered a fact,

性别总是被认为是一个事实，

immutable,

不可改变，

but we now know it's actually more fluid,

但是我们知道事实上性别是更加不定的，

complex and mysterious.

复杂的，并且神秘的。

Because of my success, I never had the courage

因为我的成功，我从前没有勇气

to share my story,

去分享我的故事，

not because I thought what I am is wrong,

不是因为我认为自己性别取向是错的，

but because of how the world treats those of us

而是因为畏惧世界会如何对待我们

who wish to break free.

这些打破常规的人。

Every day,

每一天，

I am so grateful because I am a woman.

我都感到非常庆幸，因为我是一个女人。

I have a mom and dad and family

我有一个家庭

who accepted me for who I am.

和能够接受我真正自我的父母。

Many are not so fortunate.

但很多人并不是那么幸运。

There's a long tradition in Asian culture

在亚洲，我们有一个悠久的传统

that celebrates the fluid mystery of gender.

去赞颂性别不定的神秘。

There is a Buddhist goddess of compassion.

这是佛教中的观世音菩萨。

There is a Hindu goddess, hijra goddess.

这是印度教中的希吉拉女神。

So when I was eight years old,

所以当我八岁那年，

I was at a fiesta in the Philippines celebrating

我在菲律宾的一个嘉年华会

these mysteries.

庆祝这些神秘宗教。

I was in front of the stage,

我在舞台前，

and I remember, out comes this beautiful woman

我记得，这个美丽的女人

right in front of me,

迎面向我走来，

and I remember that moment something hit me:

我记得，在那一刻我的内心被触动了：

That is the kind of woman I would like to be.

那就是我想成为的那种女人。

So when I was 15 years old,

在我15岁时

still dressing as a boy,

我已男孩的身份

I met this woman named T.L.

见到了这位叫做T.L女士。

She is a transgender beauty pageant manager.

她是变性选美大赛的经理。

That night she asked me,

那一晚她问我，

"How come you are not joining the beauty pageant?"

“你为什么不参加变性选美大赛呢？”

She convinced me that if I joined

她说服我，如果我参加变性选美大赛

that she would take care of the registration fee

她会为我付注册费，

and the garments,

帮我买服装。

and that night,

在那晚

I won best in swimsuit

我赢得了最佳泳装奖，

and best in long gown

最佳长礼服奖

and placed second runner up

并且在四十个候选人中

among 40-plus candidates.

获得了季军。

That moment changed my life.

那一刻改变了我的一生。

All of a sudden, I was introduced

倾刻之间，我迈入了

to the world of beauty pageants.

选美大赛的世界中。

Not a lot of people could say that your first job

没有多少人敢说你的第一份工作

is a pageant queen for transgender women,

是变性选美大赛中的女王，

but I'll take it.

不管被人怎样想，我接受了。

So from 15 to 17 years old, I joined

在我十五到十七岁那些年间，

the most prestigious pageant

我加入了最有名望的选美大赛

to the pageant where it's at the back of the truck, literally,

坦白的说，在卡车背后举行的选美大赛，

or sometimes it would be a pavement next to a rice field,

或者有时在庄稼地旁的马路上，

and when it rains --

在下雨的时候

it rains a lot in the Philippines --

（菲律宾经常下雨）

the organizers would have to move it

举办者就得把选美大赛

inside someone's house.

移到别人的房子里。

I also experienced the goodness of strangers,

我也感受到了陌生人的善意，

especially when we would travel

特别是当我们身处于

in remote provinces in the Philippines.

菲律宾偏远的省市中。

But most importantly, I met

但是最重要的是，我遇到了

some of my best friends in that community.

那个社区中几个我最要好的朋友。

In 2001,

在2001年，

my mom, who had moved to San Francisco,

我移居旧金山的妈妈打电话通知我

called me and told me that my green card petition came through,

我的绿卡申请通过了，

that I could now move to the United States.

我可以移居美国了。

I resisted it.

但我拒绝了。

I told my mom, "Mom, I'm having fun.

我告诉我妈，“妈妈，我现在很开心。

I'm here with my friends,

我和身边的朋友在一起，

I love traveling, being a beauty pageant queen."

我爱旅行，我爱作为一名选美皇后。”

But then two weeks later she called me, she said,

两周之后她又打电话给我，她说，

"Did you know that if you move to the United States

“你知道如果你移居到美国，

you could change your name and gender marker?"

你个可以换一个名字，并且改变你的性别标识么？”

That was all I needed to hear.

那是我最希望听到的了。

My mom also told me to put two E's

我妈妈还告诉我在我名字的拼写中

in the spelling of my name.

放入两个字母“E”

She also came with me when I had my surgery

在泰国我十九岁那年接受变性手术时，

in Thailand at 19 years old.

她也在我身边。

It's interesting, in some of the most rural cities in Thailand,

这真是很有趣，在泰国最乡村的地方，

they perform some of the most prestigious,

他们却可以做最先进，

safe and sophisticated surgery.

安全，并且成熟的变性手术。

At that time in the United States,

在那时，美国需要

you needed to have surgery

你在换名和改变性别标识之前

before you could change your name and gender marker.

现接受变性手术。

So in 2001, I moved to San Francisco,

在2001年，我移居到旧金山，

and I remember looking at my California driver's license

我记得，当我看着

with the name Geena

有着我名字吉娜

and gender marker F.

和性别标识为女的驾照时，

That was a powerful moment.

我深深地被触动了、

For some people,

对有些人来说，

their I.D. is their license to drive

他们的驾照只是一个身份证，

or even to get a drink,

或者获取酒的凭证，

but for me, that was my license to live,

但对我来说，那个驾照是使我可以生活，

to feel dignified.

并感到有尊严的许可证。

All of a sudden, my fears were minimized.

倾刻之间，我的畏惧被最小化了。

I felt that I could conquer my dream

我感到我可以征服我的梦想了，

and move to New York and be a model.

可以移居到纽约并成为一名模特。

Many are not so fortunate.

有很多人不像我如此幸运。

I think of this woman named Islan Nettles.

我想到这个叫做阿亚拉·莱特丝的女人。

She's from New York, she's a young woman

她来自纽约的年轻的女人，

who was courageously living her truth,

她勇敢的围着她的信仰活着，

but hatred ended her life.

但是人们的憎恶结束了她的生命。

For most of my community,

在我群体的大多数中，

this is the reality in which we live.

这就是我们真实的生活。

Our suicide rate is nine times higher

我们的自杀率是

than that of the general population.

一般人群自杀率的9倍。

Every November 20,

每年11月20日，

we have a global vigil

我们有一个

for Transgender Day of Remembrance.

变性纪念日的守夜。

I'm here at this stage

我站在这里

because it's a long history of people who fought

因为这是一段很长的人们与

and stood up for injustice.

不正义搏斗的历史。

This is Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera.

她们是玛莎P.约翰逊和西尔维亚·里维拉。

Today, this very moment,

今天，这个特别时刻，

is my real coming out.

是我的真情表露。

I could no longer live my truth

我不能仅仅

for and by myself.

为了我自己信仰而活着。

I want to do my best to help others

我想尽力去帮助别人，

live their truth without shame and terror.

帮助他们在没有羞耻和恐惧的情况下以真正的自我生活。

I am here, exposed,

我站在这里，坦诚相待，

so that one day there will never be a need

为了有一天，我们将不再需要

for a November 20 vigil.

11月20日的守夜。

My deepest truth allowed me to accept who I am.

我最深处的真理允许我接受我自己。

Will you?

你们也会么？

Thank you very much.

非常感谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)

谢谢。谢谢。谢谢。（掌声）

Kathryn Schulz: Geena, one quick question for you.

凯瑟琳·舒尔茨:吉娜问你一个简单的问题。

I'm wondering what you would say,

我疑惑

especially to parents,

特别是对父母

but in a more broad way, to friends,

对朋友

to family, to anyone who finds themselves

对家庭怎或是对任何人，

encountering a child or a person

你会怎样去向他们解释，

who is struggling with and uncomfortable with

并说服他们

a gender that's being assigned them,

去关心那些痛苦挣扎于

what might you say

性别的人

to the family members of that person

同时成为

to help them become good and caring and kind

有好并关爱的

family members to them?

家庭成员？

Geena Rocero: Sure. Well, first, really, I'm so blessed.

吉娜·萝杰拉：可以。我个人真的非常幸运。

The support system, with my mom especially,

那个支持系统，特别是我的妈妈，

and my family, that in itself

和我的家人，所有的那些

is just so powerful.

都是那么强有力。

I remember every time I would coach

每一次，我记得我训练

young trans women, I would mentor them,

和辅导变性女人，

and sometimes when they would call me

有时当她们打电活给我

and tell me that their parents can't accept it,

并告诉我她们的父母不接受，

I would pick up that phone call and tell my mom,

我会打电话给我妈，

"Mom, can you call this woman?"

说：“妈，你能打电话这个女人么？”

And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so —

有时有用，有时并不奏效。

But it's just, gender identity

性别性别身份

is in the core of our being, right?

是我们存在的核心，对吧?

I mean, we're all assigned gender at birth,

我们在出生时就有个性别，

so what I'm trying to do

而我想做的就是

is to have this conversation that

去讨论

sometimes that gender assignment doesn't match,

当先天性别分配有问题时，

and there should be a space

应该有空间，

that would allow people to self-identify,

有空间让人们去自我鉴定性别，

and that's a conversation that we should have

那是一个我们应该与

with parents, with colleagues.

父母，同事讨论的话题。

The transgender movement,

变性的运动

it's at the very beginning,

和男同性恋运动是怎样开始的相比

to compare to how the gay movement started.

还在起步阶段。

There's still a lot of work that needs to be done.

还有很多需要做的事情。

There should be an understanding.

人们应该去理解。

There should be a space of curiosity

人们应该给予好奇

and asking questions,

与讨论的空间，

and I hope all of you guys will be my allies.

我希望你们都可以成我的盟友。

KS: Thank you. That was so lovely. GR: Thank you.

谢谢！说的太好了。 谢谢

(Applause)

（掌声）