A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar ... | Maz Jobrani | TED

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Prevodilac: Andrea Jovanovic Lektor: Ivana Korom

Hello, Doha. Hello!

Pozdrav, Doha. Salam alejkum.

Salaam alaikum.

I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place.

Volim da dolazim u Dohu. Tako je internacionalna.

It feels like the United Nations here.

Deluje kao Ujedinjene nacije upravo ovde.

You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady

Sletiš na aerodrom i dobrodošlicu ti poželi Indijka

who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady

koja te odvede do Al Maha usluga, gde upoznaješ damu sa Filipina

who hands you off to a South African lady

koja te predaje dami iz Južne Afrike

koja te odvodi do Koreanke, koja te odvodi

who then takes you to a Korean

who takes you to a Pakistani guy with the luggage

do Pakistanca koji je zadužen za prtljag,

who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan.

koji te odvodi do kola čiji je vozač sa Šri Lanke.

You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese.

Stigneš do hotela i prijaviš se. Tamo se nalazi Libanac.

Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.

Da? I zatim mi je Šveđanin pokazao sobu.

I said, "Where are the Qataris?"

Pitao sam: "Gde su Katarani?" (Smeh)

(Laughter)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart."

Rekli su: "Ne, ne, previše je toplo. Oni izlaze kasnije. Pametni su. "

"They know."

(Smeh) "Oni znaju."

(Laughter)

And of course, it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains.

I naravno razvija se tako brzo, ponekad to prouzrokuje probleme.

You know, like sometimes you run into people

Znate, kao kad ponekad naletite na ljude za koje mislite

that you think know the city well, but they don't know it that well.

da poznaju grad dobro, ali ustvari ga ne poznaju baš najbolje.

My Indian cab driver showed up at the W,

Moj taksista Indijac pojavio se kod hotela "W",

and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton,

i ja sam ga zamolio da me odveze do Šeratona,

and he said, "No problem, sir."

i on je rekao: "Nema problema, gospodine."

And then we sat there for two minutes.

I zatim smo tako dva minuta sedeli.

I said, "What's wrong?" He said, "One problem, sir."

Pitao sam: "Šta nije u redu?" Rekao je: "Jedan problem, gospodine."

(Laughter)

I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"

Pitao sam: "Šta?" Na šta će on: "Gde se to nalazi?"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I go, "You're the driver, you should know."

Kažem ja: "Vi ste vozač, vi bi to trebalo da znate."

He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."

Na to će on: "Ne, upravo sam stigao, gospodine."

I go, "You just arrived at the W?" "No, I just arrived in Doha, sir."

Pitao sam: "Upravo ste stigli u W?" "Ne, upravo sam stigao u Dohu, gospodine.

(Laughter)

Bio sam na putu od aerodroma ka kući. Dobio sam posao.

"I was on my way home from the airport,

I got a job. I'm working already."

Već radim."

(Laughter)

He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"

Pita me: "Gospodine, zašto Vi ne vozite?"

(Laughter)

"I don't know where we're going."

"Ne znam kuda idemo."

"Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."

"Ni ja. Ovo će biti avantura, gospodine."

(Laughter)

The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple of years.

Ovo jeste jedna avantura.

Srednji istok zadnjih par godina je prava avantura.

It is going crazy with the Arab Spring and revolution and all this.

Srednji istok postaje sve luđi sa Arapskim prolećem

Are there any Lebanese here tonight, by applause?

i revolucijom i sa svim ostalim.

Da li ima Libanaca ovde večeras?

(Cheering)

Neki Libanci po aplauzu? (Aplauz) Libanci.

Lebanese, yeah.

The Middle East is going crazy.

Da. Srednji istok postaje sve luđi.

You know the Middle East is going crazy

Znate da Srednji istok postaje sve luđi

when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.

kad je Liban najmirnije mesto u regionu.

(Laughter) (Applause)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

Who would have thought?

Ko bi to pomislio? O, moj bože.

(Laughter)

Oh my gosh.

Ne. Postoje ozbiljni problemi u regiji.

No, there's serious issues in the region.

Neki ne žele da pričaju o tim problemima.

Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight.

Ja sam ovde večeras da pričam o njima.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East, here's a serious issue.

Dame i gospodo Srednjeg istoka, evo ga jedan ozbiljan problem.

When we see each other, when we say hello,

Kad se sretnemo,

kad se pozdravljamo, koliko poljubaca razmenjujemo?

how many kisses are we going to do?

(Laughter)

Every country is different and it's confusing, okay?

Svaka država je drugačija i ovo je prilično zbunjujuće, u redu?

In Lebanon, they do three.

U Libanu razmenjuju tri. U Egiptu, dva.

In Egypt, they do two.

I was in Lebanon, I got used to three.

Bio sam u Libanu i navikao se na tri.

Otišao sam u Egipat. Otišao sam da pozdravim jednog Egipćanina,

I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy,

I went, one, two. I went for three --

krenuo sam, jedan, dva.

Hteo sam i treći. Nije baš bio za to.

He wasn't into it.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I told him, I said, "No, no, I was just in Lebanon."

Rekao sam mu: "Ne, ne, ne, upravo sam bio u Libanu."

On reče: "Ne zanima me gde si bio. Samo ostani tu gde jesi, molim te."

He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please."

(Laughter) (Applause)

I went to Saudi Arabia.

Otišao sam u Saudijsku Arabiju.

In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two, and then they stay on the same side:

Tamo, oni krenu, jedan, dva,

i zatim ostanu na istoj strani - tri, četri, pet, šest,

three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,

sedam, osam, devet, 10,11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.

10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 --

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Next time you see a Saudi, look closely.

Sledeći put kad sretnete Saudijca, pogledajte ga pažljivo.

They're just a little bit tilted.

(Laughter)

Oni su malčice nakrivljeni.

"Abdul, are you okay?"

"Abdul, jesi li dobro?" "Jesam, pozdravljao sam se pola sata.

"I was saying hello for half an hour. I'll be all right."

Biću u redu."

(Laughter)

Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose.

Katarani, vi se pozdravljate nosom o nos.

Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?

Zašto to? Previše vam je mrsko da pravite čitav "obilazak"?

(Laughter)

"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello.

"Habibi, mnogo je toplo. Dođi ovamo samo na sekund. Reci zdravo.

Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there, please.

Zdravo, Habibi. Ne pomeraj se. Samo ostani tamo molim te.

I need to rest."

Moram da se odmorim."

(Laughter)

Iranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three.

Iranci, ponekad razmenjujemo dva, a ponekad tri.

A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution, it was two.

Jedan prijatelj mi je objasnio, pre revolucije 1979, razmenjivali su dva.

(Laughter)

After the revolution, three.

Posle revolucije, tri.

So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on

Kod Iranaca, možeš zaključiti na čijoj je strani ta osoba

based on the number of kisses they give you.

na osnovu broja poljubaca koje ti daje.

Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime!"

Da, kad razmenjuješ jedan, dva, tri - "Ne mogu da verujem

da podržavaš ovaj režim sa tvoja tri poljupca."

(Laughter)

"With your three kisses."

(Laughter)

But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here,

Ali ne, ljudi, stvarno, uzbudljivo je biti ovde

and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally,

i kako sam već rekao, mnogo činite za kulturu,

you know, and it's amazing,

i to je zapanjujuće i pomaže u menjanju slike

and it helps change the image of the Middle East in the West.

o Srednjem istoku na zapadu.

A lot of Americans don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East.

Mnogi Amerikanci ne znaju mnogo o nama, o Srednjem istoku.

I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here.

Ja sam Iranac i Amerikanac. Tamo sam. Znam, doputovao sam ovde.

There's so much, we laugh, right?

Postoji toliko stvari, mi se smejemo, je l' tako?

People don't know we laugh.

Ljudi ne znaju da se i mi smejemo.

When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour, it came out on Comedy Central,

Kad sam bio na komičarskoj turneji "Osa zla "

I went online to see what people were saying.

emitovali su na tv kanalu Comedy Central, otišao sam na internet

I ended up on a conservative website.

da vidim šta su ljudi govorili o tome.

One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed."

Na kraju sam se našao na jednom konzervativnom sajtu.

Jedan čovek je napisao drugom: "Nisam znao da se ovi ljudi smeju."

Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right?

Razmislite.

Nikad nas ne vidite da se smejemo u američkom filmu ili na TV-u.

Maybe like an evil laugh: "Wuhahaha."

(Laughter)

Možda zli smeh - kao - "Buahahaha, buahahaha. (Smeh)

"I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."

Ubiću te u ime Alaha, buahahaha."

(Laughter)

Ali nikad: "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

But never like, "Ha ha ha ha la."

(Laughter)

We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life.

Mi volimo da se smejemo. Mi volimo da slavimo život.

And I wish more Americans would travel here.

I želim da više Amerikanaca doputuje ovde. Uvek ohrabrujem svoje prijatelje:

I always encourage my friends:

"Travel, see the Middle East,

putujte, posetite Srednji istok, ima toliko toga da se vidi,

there's so much to see, so many good people."

mnogo dobrih ljudi.

And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems

I deluje u oba pravca i doprinosi zaustavljanju problema

of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.

kao što su nesporazumi i stereotipi.

For example, I don't know if you heard about this,

Na primer, ne znam da li ste čuli nešto o ovome,

a little while ago in the US, there was a Muslim family

nedavno je u Americi jedna muslimanska porodica

walking down the aisle of an airplane,

prolazila između sedišta u avionu

pričajući o najsigurnijem mestu za sedenje u avionu.

talking about the safest place to sit on the plane.

Some passengers overheard them,

Neki putnici su ih čuli, pogrešno su protumačili

somehow misconstrued that as terrorist talk,

to kao razgovor terorista i izbacili su ih iz aviona.

got them kicked off the plane.

It was a family, a mother, father, child, talking about the seating.

To je bila porodica, majka, otac, dete, šetali prolazom

As a Middle Eastern male,

pričali su o tome gde da sednu.

Sad, kao muškarac sa Srednjeg istoka, znam da određene stvari ne smem govoriti

I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say

on an airplane in the US, right?

u avionu u Sjedinjenim Državama, zar ne?

I'm not supposed to be walking down the aisle,

Ne smem se ponašati, kao, šetam niz prolaz,

and be like, "Hi, Jack." That's not cool.

i kažem: "Ćao, Džek." Znate, to nije kul.

(Laughter)

Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say,

Čak ni onda kad sam sa svojim prijateljem koji se zove Džek, moram reći,

"Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack."

"Pozdrav, Džek. Pozdravljam te Džek."

Never "Hi, Jack."

Nikad: "Ćao, Džek."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But now, apparently we can't even talk

Ali sad izgleda da čak ne možemo ni da pričamo

about the safest place to sit on an airplane.

o najsigurnijem mestu u avionu.

So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends

Moj savet svim prijateljima sa Srednjeg istoka i Muslimanima

and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim,

i svakome ko samo izgleda kao neko sa Srednjek istoka ili kao Musliman,

so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone, if you're brown --

znate, Indijci i južnoamerikanci, svi,

(Laughter)

ako su tamne puti,

Here's my advice to my brown friends.

evo ga savet mojim prijateljima tamne puti.

(Laughter)

The next time you're on an airplane in the US,

Sledeći put, kad ste u avionu u Sjedinjenim Državama,

just speak your mother tongue.

govorite samo maternjim jezikom.

That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.

Na taj način niko neće znati o čemu pričate.

(Laughter)

Život ide dalje.

Priznajem, neki maternji jezici mogu zvučati

Granted, some mother tongues might sound a little threatening

pomalo zastrašujuće prosečnom Amerikancu, zar ne?

to the average American.

Ako šetate prolazom pričajući na arapskom,

If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic,

you might freak them out --

možda ćete ih prestrašiti, ako govorite: (Arapski)

(Imitating Arabic)

Oni se mogu pitati: "O čemu on priča?"

They might say, "What's he talking about?"

Dakle ključno je, za moju Arapsku braću i sestre,

The key, to my Arab brothers and sisters,

is to throw in random good words to put people at ease

morate ubaciti i pokoju nasumičnu dobru reč da ih opustite

as you're walking down the aisle.

dok šetate prolazom.

Just as you're walking down --

Kako se šetate prolazom: "(Oponaša arapski) -

(Imitating Arabic)

Strawberry!

jagoda!"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Imitating Arabic)

"(Oponaša Arapski) - duga!"

Rainbow!

(Laughter)

(Imitating Arabic)

"(Oponaša Arapski) - Tutti Frutti!"

Tutti Frutti!

(Laughter)

"I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."

"Mislim da će oteti avion sa nekim sladoledom."

Hvala vam mnogo. Želim vam prijatno veče.

Thank you very much. Have a good night.

Hvala, TED. (Ovacije) (Aplauz)

Thank you, TED.

(Cheers) (Applause)