Lesley Hazleton: The doubt essential to faith

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Prevodilac: Miloš Milosavljević Lektor: Tatjana Jevdjic

Writing biography is a strange thing to do.

Pisanje biografije je čudna stvar.

It's a journey into the foreign territory

To je putovanje na stranu teritoriju

of somebody else's life,

nečijeg tuđeg života,

a journey, an exploration that can take you places

putovanje, istraživanje koje vas može odvesti na mesta

you never dreamed of going

na koja nikad niste sanjali da ćete otići

and still can't quite believe you've been,

i još ne možete da verujete gde ste bili,

especially if, like me, you're an agnostic Jew

naročito ako ste, kao ja, Jevrejin agnostik,

and the life you've been exploring

a život koji istražujete

is that of Muhammad.

je Muhamedov.

Five years ago, for instance,

Pre pet godina, na primer,

I found myself waking each morning in misty Seattle

zatekla sam sebe kako se budim svakog jutra u tmurnom Sijetlu

to what I knew was an impossible question:

sa nečim za šta sam znala da je nemoguće pitanje:

What actually happened

šta se zapravo dogodilo

one desert night,

jedne noći u pustinji

half the world and almost half of history away?

preko pola sveta i skoro pola istorije unazad?

What happened, that is,

To jest, šta se dogodilo

on the night in the year 610

u noći 610. godine,

when Muhammad received the first revelation of the Koran

kada je Muhamed primio prvo otkrovenje Kurana

on a mountain just outside Mecca?

na planini pored Meke?

This is the core mystical moment of Islam,

Ovo je centralni mistični momenat islama

and as such, of course,

i kao takav, naravno,

it defies empirical analysis.

prkosi empirijskoj analizi.

Yet the question wouldn't let go of me.

Pa ipak, nisam mogla da se oslobodim tog pitanja.

I was fully aware that for someone as secular as I am,

Bila sam potpuno svesna da se za nekoga ko je sekularan kao ja,

just asking it could be seen

samo ovo pitanje može protumačiti

as pure chutzpah.

kao čista drskost.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And I plead guilty as charged,

Izjašnjavam se da sam kriva

because all exploration, physical or intellectual,

jer su sva istraživanja, fizička ili intelektualna,

is inevitably in some sense an act of transgression,

neizbežno u nekom smislu prestup

of crossing boundaries.

ili prelaženje granica.

Still, some boundaries are larger than others.

Ipak neke granice su veće od drugih.

So a human encountering the divine,

Čovekovo pronalaženje božanskog,

as Muslims believe Muhammad did,

kao što muslimani veruju da je uradio Muhamed,

to the rationalist, this is a matter not of fact

za racionalistu nije činjenica

but of wishful fiction,

već poželjna fantazija

and like all of us, I like to think of myself as rational.

i kao svi mi, volim za sebe da mislim da sam racionalna.

Which might be why when I looked at the earliest accounts

To bi moglo da bude razlog što, kad sam gledala najranije opise

we have of that night,

koje imamo o toj noći,

what struck me even more than what happened

ono što me je pogodilo čak i više od onoga što se dogodilo,

was what did not happen.

je ono što se nije dogodilo.

Muhammad did not come floating off the mountain

Muhamed nije sišao lebdeći sa planine

as though walking on air.

kao da hoda po vazduhu.

He did not run down shouting, "Hallelujah!"

Nije strčao dole vičući: "Aleluja!"

and "Bless the Lord!"

i "Hvaljen Gospod!".

He did not radiate light and joy.

Nije sijao svetlošću i radošću.

There were no choirs of angels,

Nije bilo horova anđela,

no music of the spheres, no elation, no ecstasy,

harmonije sfera, euforije, ekstaze,

no golden aura surrounding him,

nije bilo zlatne aure oko njega,

no sense of an absolute, fore-ordained role

osećaja savršenosti, predodređene uloge

as the messenger of God.

božjeg izaslanika.

That is, he did none of the things

Nije uradio nijednu od stvari

that might make it easy to cry foul,

koje bi lako mogle da se nazovu pogrešnim

to put down the whole story as a pious fable.

i da se cela priča oceni kao pobožna legenda.

Quite the contrary.

Potpuno suprotno.

In his own reported words,

Prema njegovim rečima,

he was convinced at first

u prvom trenutku je bio ubeđen

that what had happened couldn't have been real.

da ono što se desilo ne može biti stvarno.

At best, he thought, it had to have been a hallucination --

U najboljem slučaju, mislio je, to mora da je bila halucinacija

a trick of the eye or the ear, perhaps,

optička ili slušna varka, možda

or his own mind working against him.

ili njegov um radi protiv njega.

At worst, possession --

U najgorem slučaju, posednutost -

that he'd been seized by an evil jinn,

obuzeo ga je zao duh,

a spirit out to deceive him,

duh koji je došao da ga obmane,

even to crush the life out of him.

čak i da iscedi život iz njega.

In fact, he was so sure that he could only be majnun,

U stvari bio je toliko siguran da to može biti samo ludak

possessed by a jinn,

posednut zlim duhom,

that when he found himself still alive,

da kada je video da je još uvek živ,

his first impulse was to finish the job himself,

njegov prvi impuls je bio da sam završi posao,

to leap off the highest cliff

da skoči sa najviše litice

and escape the terror of what he'd experienced

i pobegne od užasa koji mu se dešavao

by putting an end to all experience.

tako što će da okonča sa celim iskustvom.

So the man who fled down the mountain that night

Čovek koji je bežao niz planinu te noći

trembled not with joy

drhtao je, ne od uživanja

but with a stark, primordial fear.

nego od jakog, praiskonskog straha.

He was overwhelmed not with conviction, but by doubt.

Bio je obuzet, ne ubeđenjem već sumnjom.

And that panicked disorientation,

Ta panična dezorijentacija,

that sundering of everything familiar,

taj raskid sa svim poznatim,

that daunting awareness of something

ta zastrašujuća svest o nečemu

beyond human comprehension,

izvan ljudske moći poimanja,

can only be called a terrible awe.

može se jedino nazvati strahopoštovanjem.

This might be somewhat difficult to grasp

To može biti malo teško da se shvati

now that we use the word "awesome"

pošto koristimo reč "strava"

to describe a new app or a viral video.

da opišemo novu aplikaciju ili zarazni video snimak.

With the exception perhaps of a massive earthquake,

Sa izuzetkom, možda, jakog zemljotresa,

we're protected from real awe.

zaštićeni smo od stvarnog strahopoštovanja.

We close the doors and hunker down,

Zatvorili smo vrata i šćućurili se,

convinced that we're in control,

ubeđeni da imamo kontrolu

or, at least, hoping for control.

ili barem, nadamo se kontroli.

We do our best to ignore the fact that

Dajemo sve od sebe da ignorišemo činjenicu

we don't always have it,

da je nemamo uvek

and that not everything can be explained.

i da ne može sve da se objasni.

Yet whether you're a rationalist or a mystic,

Bilo da ste racionalista ili mistik,

whether you think the words Muhammad heard that night

bilo da mislite da su reči koje je Muhamed čuo te noći

came from inside himself or from outside,

došle iz njega ili od spolja,

what's clear is that he did experience them,

ono što je jasno je da ih je on iskusio

and that he did so with a force that would shatter

i da se to desilo sa snagom koja bi poljuljala

his sense of himself and his world

njegov doživljaj sebe i njegovog sveta

and transform this otherwise modest man

i transformisala ovog inače umerenog čoveka

into a radical advocate for social and economic justice.

u radikalnog pobornika socijalne i ekonomske pravde.

Fear was the only sane response,

Strah je bio jedini zdrav odgovor,

the only human response.

jedini ljudski odgovor.

Too human for some,

Suviše ljudski za neke

like conservative Muslim theologians who maintain that

kao što su konzervativni muslimanski teolozi, koji kažu

the account of his wanting to kill himself

da objašnjenje da je hteo da izvrši samoubistvo

shouldn't even be mentioned, despite the fact

ne bi trebalo čak ni da se spominje, uprkos činjenici

that it's in the earliest Islamic biographies.

da se ona nalazi u najranijim islamskim biografijama.

They insist that he never doubted

Insistiraju da on nije sumnjao

for even a single moment, let alone despaired.

ni u jednom momentu, a kamoli očajavao.

Demanding perfection, they refuse to tolerate

Zahtevajući savršenstvo, odbijaju da tolerišu

human imperfection.

ljudsku nesavršenost.

Yet what, exactly, is imperfect about doubt?

A šta je to nesavršeno u sumnji?

As I read those early accounts, I realized it was

Kako sam čitala ta rana objašnjenja, shvatila sam

precisely Muhammad's doubt that brought him alive for me,

da je baš Muhamedova sumnja ono što mi ga je učinilo interesantnim,

that allowed me to begin to see him in full,

što mi je omogućilo da ga vidim u celini,

to accord him the integrity of reality.

da mu dam integritet realnosti.

And the more I thought about it,

I što sam više mislila o tome,

the more it made sense that he doubted,

više mi je imalo smisla da je sumnjao

because doubt is essential to faith.

jer je sumnja neophodna za veru.

If this seems a startling idea at first,

Ako ovo deluje kao iznenađujuća ideja u startu,

consider that doubt, as Graham Greene once put it,

uzmite u obzir da je sumnja, kako je Grejem Grin jednom rekao,

is the heart of the matter.

srž stvari.

Abolish all doubt, and what's left is not faith,

Ukinite svu sumnju - i ono što je ostalo nije vera

but absolute, heartless conviction.

nego apsolutno, bezdušno ubeđenje.

You're certain that you possess the Truth --

Sigurni ste da posedujete Istinu -

inevitably offered with an implied uppercase T --

neizbežno ponuđenu sa velikim "I" -

and this certainty quickly devolves

i ova sigurnost brzo prelazi

into dogmatism and righteousness,

u dogmatizam i pravedništvo,

by which I mean a demonstrative, overweening pride

pri čemu mislim na demonstrativni, naduveni ponos

in being so very right,

u tome da se bude tako mnogo u pravu,

in short, the arrogance of fundamentalism.

ukratko - aroganciju fundamentalizma.

It has to be one of the multiple ironies of history

To mora da je jedna od mnogih ironija u istoriji,

that a favorite expletive of Muslim fundamentalists

da je omiljena fraza muslimanskih fundamentalista

is the same one once used by the Christian fundamentalists

ista ona koju su nekad koristili hrišćanski fundamentalisti

known as Crusaders:

poznatiji kao krstaši:

"infidel," from the Latin for "faithless."

"nevernik" (infidel), od latinskog naziva za "bez vere".

Doubly ironic, in this case, because their absolutism

Dvostruko ironično u ovom slučaju, jer njihov apsolutizam

is in fact the opposite of faith.

je u stvari suprotan veri.

In effect, they are the infidels.

U stvari, oni su nevernici.

Like fundamentalists of all religious stripes,

Kao i fundamentalisti svih religioznih boja,

they have no questions, only answers.

nemaju nikakva pitanja, samo odgovore.

They found the perfect antidote to thought

Našli su savršeni lek za misao

and the ideal refuge of the hard demands of real faith.

i idealno sklonište od teških zahteva prave vere.

They don't have to struggle for it like Jacob

Ne moraju da se bore za nju kao Jakov

wrestling through the night with the angel,

rvući se kroz noć sa anđelom

or like Jesus in his 40 days and nights in the wilderness,

ili kao Isus u svojih 40 dana i noći u divljini

or like Muhammad, not only that night on the mountain,

ili kao Muhamed, ne samo te noći na planini,

but throughout his years as a prophet,

nego tokom svih godina kao prorok

with the Koran constantly urging him not to despair,

sa Kuranom koji ga je stalno ubeđivao da ne očajava

and condemning those who most loudly proclaim

i osuđivao one koji najglasnije proklamuju

that they know everything there is to know

da znaju sve što treba da se zna

and that they and they alone are right.

i da su samo oni u pravu.

And yet we, the vast and still far too silent majority,

Pa ipak smo mi, kao velika i još uvek suviše ćutljiva većina,

have ceded the public arena to this extremist minority.

prepustili javnu arenu ovoj ekstremističkoj manjini.

We've allowed Judaism to be claimed

Dozvolili smo da na judaizam polažu pravo

by violently messianic West Bank settlers,

nasilni mesijanski doseljenici na Zapadnu obalu,

Christianity by homophobic hypocrites

na hrišćanstvo - homofobični licemeri

and misogynistic bigots,

i verski fanatici ženomrsci,

Islam by suicide bombers.

na islam - bombaši samoubice.

And we've allowed ourselves to be blinded to the fact that

I dozvolili smo da nas zaslepi činjenica da,

no matter whether they claim to be Christians,

bez obzira da li tvrde da su hrišćani,

Jews or Muslims,

jevreji ili muslimani,

militant extremists are none of the above.

ratoborni ekstremisti nisu ni jedno od navedenog.

They're a cult all their own, blood brothers

Oni su kult za sebe, braća po krvi

steeped in other people's blood.

ogrezli u krvi drugih ljudi.

This isn't faith.

To nije vera.

It's fanaticism, and we have to stop confusing the two.

To je fanatizam i moramo da prestanemo da mešamo to dvoje.

We have to recognize that real faith has no easy answers.

Moramo da prepoznamo da prava vera nema lakih odgovora.

It's difficult and stubborn.

Ona je teška i tvrdoglava.

It involves an ongoing struggle,

Uključuje stalnu borbu,

a continual questioning of what we think we know,

stalno preispitivanje u vezi sa onim što mislimo da znamo,

a wrestling with issues and ideas.

rvanje sa problemima i idejama.

It goes hand in hand with doubt,

Ona ide ruku pod ruku sa sumnjom

in a never-ending conversation with it,

u stalnom dijalogu s njom

and sometimes in conscious defiance of it.

i ponekad joj svesno prkosi.

And this conscious defiance is why I, as an agnostic,

Taj svesni prkos je ono zbog čega ja, kao agnostik,

can still have faith.

mogu ipak da verujem.

I have faith, for instance, that peace in the Middle East

Verujem, na primer, da je mir na Bliskom istoku moguć

is possible despite the ever-accumulating mass of evidence

uprkos nakupljenoj količini dokaza

to the contrary.

za suprotno.

I'm not convinced of this.

Nisam ubeđena u ovo.

I can hardly say I believe it.

Jedva mogu da kažem da verujem u to.

I can only have faith in it,

Mogu samo da imam veru,

commit myself, that is, to the idea of it,

da se posvetim toj ideji

and I do this precisely because of the temptation

i to radim baš zbog iskušenja

to throw up my hands in resignation

da dignem ruke u rezignaciji

and retreat into silence.

i povučem se u ćutanje.

Because despair is self-fulfilling.

Jer očajanje je samoispunjavajuće.

If we call something impossible,

Ako nazovemo nešto nemogućim,

we act in such a way that we make it so.

radimo tako da to takvim i učinimo.

And I, for one, refuse to live that way.

Ja, na primer, odbijam da živim tako.

In fact, most of us do,

U stvari većina nas odbija,

whether we're atheist or theist

bilo da smo ateisti ili teisti

or anywhere in between or beyond, for that matter,

ili bilo gde između ili izvan toga

what drives us is that, despite our doubts

Ono što nas pokreće je to, da uprkos našim sumnjama

and even because of our doubts,

i čak zbog sumnji,

we reject the nihilism of despair.

odbijamo nihilizam očajanja.

We insist on faith in the future

Insistiramo na veri u budućnost

and in each other.

i veri jednih u druge.

Call this naive if you like.

Nazovite to naivnim ako hoćete.

Call it impossibly idealistic if you must.

Nazovite ga nemoguće idealističkim ako morate.

But one thing is sure:

Ali jedno je sigurno:

Call it human.

nazovite ga ljudskim.

Could Muhammad have so radically changed his world

Da li je Muhamed mogao toliko radikalno da promeni svoj svet

without such faith, without the refusal

bez takve vere, bez odbijanja

to cede to the arrogance of closed-minded certainty?

da popusti pred arogancijom slepe sigurnosti?

I think not.

Mislim da nije.

After keeping company with him as a writer

Posle druženja sa njim kao pisac

for the past five years, I can't see

poslednjih pet godina, ne vidim

that he'd be anything but utterly outraged

da bi bio bilo šta drugo nego krajnje šokiran

at the militant fundamentalists who claim to speak

ratobornim fundamentalistima koji daju sebi za pravo da govore

and act in his name in the Middle East and elsewhere today.

i deluju u njegovo ime na Bliskom istoku i drugim mestima danas.

He'd be appalled at the repression of half the population

Bio bi zaprepašćen represijom polovine stanovništva

because of their gender.

zbog njihovog pola.

He'd be torn apart by the bitter divisiveness of sectarianism.

Bio bi rastrgnut gorkom podeljenošću sektaštva.

He'd call out terrorism for what it is,

Nazvao bi terorizam onim što on jeste,

not only criminal but an obscene travesty

ne samo kriminalom već i bestidnom parodijom

of everything he believed in and struggled for.

svega u šta je on verovao i za šta se borio.

He'd say what the Koran says: Anyone who takes a life

Rekao bi ono što kaže Kuran: "Svako ko oduzme jedan život,

takes the life of all humanity.

oduzima život celog čovečanstva.

Anyone who saves a life, saves the life of all humanity.

Svako ko spasi jedan život, spasava život celog čovečanstva."

And he'd commit himself fully

I posvetio bi se potpuno

to the hard and thorny process of making peace.

teškom i trnovitom procesu pomirenja.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Thank you. (Applause)

Hvala. (Aplauz)