Lesley Hazleton: The doubt essential to faith

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Prevoditelj: Senzos Osijek Recezent: Ivan Stamenković

Writing biography is a strange thing to do.

Pisanje biografije je neobična stvar.

It's a journey into the foreign territory

To je putovanje u strani teritorij

of somebody else's life,

tuđeg života,

a journey, an exploration that can take you places

putovanje, istraživanje koje vas može odvesti na mjesta

you never dreamed of going

za koja nikada niste sanjali da ćete ići

and still can't quite believe you've been,

i dalje ne možete u potpunosti vjerovati da ste bili

especially if, like me, you're an agnostic Jew

posebice ako ste, poput mene, Židov agnostik,

and the life you've been exploring

a život koji istražujete

is that of Muhammad.

je Muhamedov.

Five years ago, for instance,

Prije pet godina, na primjer,

I found myself waking each morning in misty Seattle

budila sam se svakog jutra u maglovitom Seattleu

to what I knew was an impossible question:

sa onim što sam znala da je nemoguće pitanje:

What actually happened

Što se uistinu dogodilo

one desert night,

jedne pustinjske noći,

half the world and almost half of history away?

pola svijeta i skoro pola povijesti daleko?

What happened, that is,

Što se dogodilo,

on the night in the year 610

jedne noći u godini 610.

when Muhammad received the first revelation of the Koran

kada je Muhamed primio prvo otkrivenje Kur'ana

on a mountain just outside Mecca?

na brdu taman izvan Meke?

This is the core mystical moment of Islam,

Ovo je središnji mistični trenutak Islama,

and as such, of course,

te se kao takav, naravno

it defies empirical analysis.

odupire empirijskoj analizi.

Yet the question wouldn't let go of me.

Ipak, pitanje me nije napuštalo.

I was fully aware that for someone as secular as I am,

Bila sam potpuno svjesna da za nekog sekularnog poput mene

just asking it could be seen

samo ispitivanje bi moglo biti viđeno

as pure chutzpah.

kao čista chutzpah (smjelost).

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And I plead guilty as charged,

Priznajem krivnju,

because all exploration, physical or intellectual,

zato što su sva istraživanja, fizička ili intelektualna,

is inevitably in some sense an act of transgression,

neizbježno u određenom smislu čin prijestupa,

of crossing boundaries.

prelaženja granica.

Still, some boundaries are larger than others.

Ipak, neke su granice veće od drugih.

So a human encountering the divine,

Dakle, čovjekov susret sa božanskim,

as Muslims believe Muhammad did,

kao što muslimanu vjeruju da se Muhamed susreo,

to the rationalist, this is a matter not of fact

za racionalista nije stvar činjenice,

but of wishful fiction,

nego željene fikcije,

and like all of us, I like to think of myself as rational.

a kao i svi mi, ja za sebe volim misliti da sam racionalna.

Which might be why when I looked at the earliest accounts

Zbog toga, kada gledam najranija svjedočanstva

we have of that night,

koja imamo o toj noći,

what struck me even more than what happened

ono što me još više pogađa od onoga što se dogodilo,

was what did not happen.

je ono što se nije dogodilo.

Muhammad did not come floating off the mountain

Muhamed nije sišao lebdeći sa planine

as though walking on air.

kao da hoda po zraku.

He did not run down shouting, "Hallelujah!"

Nije dotrćao dolje vičući, "Aleluja"

and "Bless the Lord!"

i "Blagoslovljen Gospodin".

He did not radiate light and joy.

Nije zračio svjetlom i radošću.

There were no choirs of angels,

Nije bilo zborova anđela,

no music of the spheres, no elation, no ecstasy,

niti glazbe sfera, niti ushićenja, niti ekstaze,

no golden aura surrounding him,

niti zlatne aure koja bi ga okruživala,

no sense of an absolute, fore-ordained role

niti osjećaja apsolutne, predodređene uloge,

as the messenger of God.

kao poslanika Boga.

That is, he did none of the things

To jest, nije učinio niti jednu od stvari

that might make it easy to cry foul,

zbog kojih bi bilo lagano reći da je sve neistina,

to put down the whole story as a pious fable.

odbaciti cijelu priču kao pobožnu bajku.

Quite the contrary.

Upravo suprotno.

In his own reported words,

Po njegovim vlastitim zabilježenim riječima

he was convinced at first

je bio u početku uvjeren

that what had happened couldn't have been real.

kako sve što se dogodilo ne može biti stvarno

At best, he thought, it had to have been a hallucination --

U najboljem slučaju, mislio je, morala je to biti halucinacija --

a trick of the eye or the ear, perhaps,

iluzija oka ili uha,

or his own mind working against him.

ili njegovog vlastitog uma koji radi protiv njega.

At worst, possession --

U najgorem slučaju, zaposjednutost --

that he'd been seized by an evil jinn,

opsjednutost sa zlim džinom

a spirit out to deceive him,

koji je tu da ga zavara,

even to crush the life out of him.

da čak slomi život u njemu.

In fact, he was so sure that he could only be majnun,

U stvari, on je bio toliko siguran da je lud

possessed by a jinn,

opsjednut džinom,

that when he found himself still alive,

da kada je shvatio da je živ

his first impulse was to finish the job himself,

je njegova prva reakcija bila da sam dovrši posao,

to leap off the highest cliff

da skoći sa najviše litice

and escape the terror of what he'd experienced

i pobjegne od užasa onoga što je doživio

by putting an end to all experience.

stajući na kraj svekolikom iskustvu.

So the man who fled down the mountain that night

Čovjek koji je pobjegao dolje sa planine te noći

trembled not with joy

nije drhtao od radosti,

but with a stark, primordial fear.

nego od potpunog, praiskonskog straha.

He was overwhelmed not with conviction, but by doubt.

Bio je preplavljen ne sa uvjerenjem, nego sa sumnjom.

And that panicked disorientation,

Ta panična dezorijentiranost,

that sundering of everything familiar,

taj rasap svega poznatog,

that daunting awareness of something

ta zastrašujuća svijest nečega

beyond human comprehension,

preko moći ljudskog poimanja

can only be called a terrible awe.

može se nazvati samo užasnim strahopoštovanjem.

This might be somewhat difficult to grasp

Ovo može biti donekle teško za shvatiti

now that we use the word "awesome"

sada kada koristimo riječ "fenomenalnan"

to describe a new app or a viral video.

kako bi opisali novu aplikaciju ili video.

With the exception perhaps of a massive earthquake,

Sa izuzetkom možda masivnog potresa,

we're protected from real awe.

mi smo zaštićeni od istinskog strahopoštovanja.

We close the doors and hunker down,

Zatvorimo vrata i sklupčamo se,

convinced that we're in control,

uvjereni kako imamo kontrolu,

or, at least, hoping for control.

ili se u krajnjoj liniji nadamo kontroli.

We do our best to ignore the fact that

Dajemo sve od sebe da zanemarimo činjenicu

we don't always have it,

kako je nekada nemamo

and that not everything can be explained.

i kako ne može sve biti objašnjeno.

Yet whether you're a rationalist or a mystic,

Ipak, bez obzira da li ste racionalist ili mistik,

whether you think the words Muhammad heard that night

bez obzira mislite li da su riječi koje je Muhamed čuo te noći

came from inside himself or from outside,

došle iz njegeove nutrine ili izvana,

what's clear is that he did experience them,

ono što je jasno je da ih je iskusio

and that he did so with a force that would shatter

i to sa silinom koja je razbila

his sense of himself and his world

njegovu svijest o sebi i o ovome svijetu,

and transform this otherwise modest man

i transformirala ovoga jednostavnog čovjeka

into a radical advocate for social and economic justice.

u radikalnog zagovornika socijalne i ekonomske pravde.

Fear was the only sane response,

Strah je bio jedini razuman odgovor,

the only human response.

jedini ljudski odgovor.

Too human for some,

Previše ljudski za neke,

like conservative Muslim theologians who maintain that

poput konzervativnih muslimskih teologa koji drže kako

the account of his wanting to kill himself

iskaz njegove želje da počini samoubojstvo

shouldn't even be mentioned, despite the fact

ne bi uopće trebalo spominjati, usprkos tome

that it's in the earliest Islamic biographies.

što se nalazi u najranijim islamskim biografijama.

They insist that he never doubted

Oni ustraju na tome kako se nije nikada dvoumio,

for even a single moment, let alone despaired.

čak niti na jedan trenutak, a kamoli očajavao.

Demanding perfection, they refuse to tolerate

Zahtijevajući savršenstvo, oni odbijaju podnositi

human imperfection.

ljudsko nesavršenstvo.

Yet what, exactly, is imperfect about doubt?

Ipak, što je to točno nesavršeno u sumnji?

As I read those early accounts, I realized it was

Dok čitam te rane iskaze, uviđam kako je

precisely Muhammad's doubt that brought him alive for me,

upravo Muhamedova sumnja ono što ga je oživilo za mene,

that allowed me to begin to see him in full,

što mi je omogućilo da ga krenem gledati u punini,

to accord him the integrity of reality.

što mu je dalo puninu stvarnosti.

And the more I thought about it,

I što sam više razmišljala o tome,

the more it made sense that he doubted,

to mi je više imalo smisla da je sumnjao,

because doubt is essential to faith.

zato što je sumnja suštinska vjeri.

If this seems a startling idea at first,

Ako se ovo na prvu čini kao nevjerojatna ideja,

consider that doubt, as Graham Greene once put it,

uzmite u obzir da je sumnja, kako je to Graham Green jednom izjavio,

is the heart of the matter.

samo srce stvari.

Abolish all doubt, and what's left is not faith,

Ukinite svu sumnju, i ono što ostaje nije vjera,

but absolute, heartless conviction.

nego apsolutno, bezdušno uvjerenje.

You're certain that you possess the Truth --

Vi ste uvjereni kako posjedujete Istinu--

inevitably offered with an implied uppercase T --

Istinu sa velikim I--

and this certainty quickly devolves

i ova se sigurnost brzo izrodi

into dogmatism and righteousness,

u dogmatizam i pravdoljubivost,

by which I mean a demonstrative, overweening pride

pod kojom mislim na demonstrativan, samosvjestan ponos

in being so very right,

kako smo užasno u pravu,

in short, the arrogance of fundamentalism.

ukratko, u aroganciju i fundamentalizam.

It has to be one of the multiple ironies of history

Mora da se radi o jednoj od mnogobrojnih ironija u povijesti,

that a favorite expletive of Muslim fundamentalists

to što je jedna od najdražih uvreda islamskih fundamentalista

is the same one once used by the Christian fundamentalists

identična onoj nekoć korištenoj od strane kršćanskih fundamentalista

known as Crusaders:

poznatih kao Križari:

"infidel," from the Latin for "faithless."

"nevjernik" od latinske riječi "nevjeran"

Doubly ironic, in this case, because their absolutism

Dvostruka ironija u ovom slučaju, pošto je njihov apsolutizam

is in fact the opposite of faith.

u stvari suprotan vjeri.

In effect, they are the infidels.

U suštini, oni su nevjernici.

Like fundamentalists of all religious stripes,

Poput fundamentalista svih religijskih vrsta,

they have no questions, only answers.

oni nemaju pitanja, samo odgovore.

They found the perfect antidote to thought

Našli su savršen protuotrov mišljenju

and the ideal refuge of the hard demands of real faith.

i idealno utočište od teških zahtjeva istinske vjere.

They don't have to struggle for it like Jacob

Oni se ne moraju boriti poput Jakova

wrestling through the night with the angel,

hrvajući se kroz noć sa anđelom,

or like Jesus in his 40 days and nights in the wilderness,

ili poput Isusa sa svojih 40 dana i noći u divljini,

or like Muhammad, not only that night on the mountain,

ili kao Muhamed, ne samo sa tom noći na planini,

but throughout his years as a prophet,

nego kroz njegove godine kao proroka,

with the Koran constantly urging him not to despair,

sa Kur'anom što ga neprestano tjera da ne očajava,

and condemning those who most loudly proclaim

i sa osudom onih koji najglasnije objavljuju

that they know everything there is to know

kako znaju sve što se ima znati,

and that they and they alone are right.

i da su oni i jedino oni u pravu.

And yet we, the vast and still far too silent majority,

Ali smo ipak mi, velika i dalje odveć tiha većina,

have ceded the public arena to this extremist minority.

ustupili javni prostor ovoj ekstremističkoj manjini.

We've allowed Judaism to be claimed

Dopustili smo da judaizam svojataju

by violently messianic West Bank settlers,

nasilni mesijanski naseljenici Zapadne obale,

Christianity by homophobic hypocrites

kršćanstvo homofobni licemjeri

and misogynistic bigots,

i ženomrzački šovinisti,

Islam by suicide bombers.

islam bombaši samoubojice.

And we've allowed ourselves to be blinded to the fact that

I dopustili smo samima sebi da budemo zaslijepljeni činjenicom da

no matter whether they claim to be Christians,

bez obzira tvrde li da su kršćani,

Jews or Muslims,

židovi ili muslimani,

militant extremists are none of the above.

militantni ekstremisti nisu niti jedno od navedenog,

They're a cult all their own, blood brothers

Oni su svoj vlastiti kult, braća po krvi

steeped in other people's blood.

ogrezli u krv drugih ljudi.

This isn't faith.

To nije vjera.

It's fanaticism, and we have to stop confusing the two.

To je fanatizam, i mi moramo prestati miješati to dvoje.

We have to recognize that real faith has no easy answers.

Mi moramo prepoznati kako prava vjera nema lagane odgovore.

It's difficult and stubborn.

Teška je i svojeglava.

It involves an ongoing struggle,

Obuhvaća neprestanu borbu,

a continual questioning of what we think we know,

neprestano preispitivanje onoga što mislimo da znamo,

a wrestling with issues and ideas.

hrvanje sa problemima i idejama.

It goes hand in hand with doubt,

Ona ide ruku uz ruku sa sumnjom,

in a never-ending conversation with it,

u neprestanom razgovoru sa njom,

and sometimes in conscious defiance of it.

i ponekad u svjesnom inatu protiv nje.

And this conscious defiance is why I, as an agnostic,

I ovaj svjesni prkos je zašto ja, kao agnostik

can still have faith.

mogu i dalje imati vjeru.

I have faith, for instance, that peace in the Middle East

Imam vjeru, na primjer, kako je mir na Bliskom istoku

is possible despite the ever-accumulating mass of evidence

moguć usprkos neprekidno gomilajućoj masi dokaza

to the contrary.

za suprotno.

I'm not convinced of this.

Nisam uvjerena u ovo.

I can hardly say I believe it.

teško mogu reći da u to vjerujem.

I can only have faith in it,

Mogu jedino imati vjeru u to,

commit myself, that is, to the idea of it,

posvetiti se ideji toga,

and I do this precisely because of the temptation

i to činim upravo zbog iskušenja

to throw up my hands in resignation

da dignem ruke u rezignaciji

and retreat into silence.

i povučem se u tišinu.

Because despair is self-fulfilling.

Zato što je očaj samoispunjavajuć.

If we call something impossible,

I ako zovemo nešto nemogućim,

we act in such a way that we make it so.

djelujemo na način da to nešto takvim i učinimo.

And I, for one, refuse to live that way.

I ja, kao prvo, odbijam živjeti na takav način.

In fact, most of us do,

U stvari, mnogi od nas odbijaju,

whether we're atheist or theist

bez obzira jesmo li ateisti ili teisti,

or anywhere in between or beyond, for that matter,

ili bilo gdje između i preko, u tom slučaju,

what drives us is that, despite our doubts

to je ono što nas pokreće, usprkos našim sumnjama,

and even because of our doubts,

i baš zbog naših sumnji,

we reject the nihilism of despair.

mi odbijamo nihilizam očaja.

We insist on faith in the future

Mi ustrajemo u vjeri u budućnost

and in each other.

i u jedni druge.

Call this naive if you like.

Nazovite ovo naivnim ako želite.

Call it impossibly idealistic if you must.

Nazovite ovo nemoguće idealističnim ako morate.

But one thing is sure:

Ali jedna je stvar sigurna:

Call it human.

Nazovite to ljudskim.

Could Muhammad have so radically changed his world

Bi li Muhamed mogao toliko radikalno promijeniti ovaj svijet

without such faith, without the refusal

bez takve vjere, bez odbijanja

to cede to the arrogance of closed-minded certainty?

da se preda oholosti sigurnosti onih zatvorena uma?

I think not.

Mislim da ne bi.

After keeping company with him as a writer

Nakon druženja sa njim kao pisac

for the past five years, I can't see

zadnjih pet godina, mogu vidjeti

that he'd be anything but utterly outraged

kako ne bi bio ništa drugo doli krajnje bijesan

at the militant fundamentalists who claim to speak

na militantne fundamentaliste koji tvrde kako govore

and act in his name in the Middle East and elsewhere today.

i djeluju danas u njegovo ime na Bliskome istoku i drugdje.

He'd be appalled at the repression of half the population

Bio bi zaprepašten sa represijom polovice pučanstva

because of their gender.

radi njihova roda.

He'd be torn apart by the bitter divisiveness of sectarianism.

Bio bi rastrgan sa gorkom podijeljenosti sektaštva..

He'd call out terrorism for what it is,

Prozvao bi terorizam onim što je,

not only criminal but an obscene travesty

ne samo kriminalnom, nego i sramotnom travestijom

of everything he believed in and struggled for.

svega što je vjerovao i za što se borio.

He'd say what the Koran says: Anyone who takes a life

Rekao bi što je Kur'an rekao: Bilo tko tko oduzme život,

takes the life of all humanity.

oduzima život cijeloga čovječanstva.

Anyone who saves a life, saves the life of all humanity.

Bilo tko tko spašava život, spašava život cijeloga čovječanstva.

And he'd commit himself fully

I u potpunosti bi se predao

to the hard and thorny process of making peace.

teškom i trnovitom procesu stvaranja mira.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

Thank you. (Applause)

Hvala. (Pljesak)