Lesley Hazleton: The doubt essential to faith

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Translator: Rok Krulec Reviewer: Klavdija Cernilogar

Writing biography is a strange thing to do.

Pisati biografijo je čudno.

It's a journey into the foreign territory

To je potovanje v neznano deželo

of somebody else's life,

življenja nekoga drugega,

a journey, an exploration that can take you places

potovanje, raziskovanje, ki te lahko popelje tja,

you never dreamed of going

kamor si nikoli nisi mislil, da boš šel,

and still can't quite believe you've been,

in še vedno ne moreš verjeti, da si bil tam,

especially if, like me, you're an agnostic Jew

še posebej, če si kot jaz agnostični žid,

and the life you've been exploring

in je življenje, ki ga raziskuješ,

is that of Muhammad.

Mohamedovo.

Five years ago, for instance,

Pet let nazaj

I found myself waking each morning in misty Seattle

sem se vsako jutro zbujala v meglen Seattle

to what I knew was an impossible question:

z nemogočim vprašanjem:

What actually happened

Kaj se je dejansko zgodilo

one desert night,

neko noč v puščavi,

half the world and almost half of history away?

pol sveta in skoraj pol zgodovine daleč stran?

What happened, that is,

Kaj se je zgodilo

on the night in the year 610

v noči leta 610,

when Muhammad received the first revelation of the Koran

ko je Mohamed prejel prvo razodetje Korana

on a mountain just outside Mecca?

na gori nad Meko?

This is the core mystical moment of Islam,

To je ključni mistični moment islama

and as such, of course,

in se kot tak seveda

it defies empirical analysis.

izmika empirični analizi.

Yet the question wouldn't let go of me.

A vendar mi vprašanje ni dalo miru.

I was fully aware that for someone as secular as I am,

Dobro sem se zavedala, da je za nekoga tako nevernega, kot sem sama,

just asking it could be seen

že samo postaviti to vprašanje izgledalo

as pure chutzpah.

kot dejanje predrznosti.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

And I plead guilty as charged,

Priznam krivdo,

because all exploration, physical or intellectual,

saj je vsako raziskovanje, fizično ali intelektualno,

is inevitably in some sense an act of transgression,

neizogibno neke vrste prestopek,

of crossing boundaries.

prestopanje meja.

Still, some boundaries are larger than others.

A vendar so nekatere meje večje od drugih.

So a human encountering the divine,

Človek, ki se sreča z božanskim,

as Muslims believe Muhammad did,

kot muslimani verjamejo, da se je Mohamed,

to the rationalist, this is a matter not of fact

za racionalneža ni dejstvo,

but of wishful fiction,

temveč le pobožna želja,

and like all of us, I like to think of myself as rational.

in kot vsi, se imam tudi jaz za racionalno osebo.

Which might be why when I looked at the earliest accounts

Kar je lahko razlog, da ko sem se poglobila v zgodnja pričevanja,

we have of that night,

ki jih imamo o tisti noči,

what struck me even more than what happened

me je bolj kot kaj se je zgodilo,

was what did not happen.

presenetilo tisto, kar se ni.

Muhammad did not come floating off the mountain

Mohamed se ni vrnil z gore

as though walking on air.

plavajoč na oblaku.

He did not run down shouting, "Hallelujah!"

Ni pritekel navzdol vpijoč: "Aleluja!"

and "Bless the Lord!"

in "Hvaljen Bog!"

He did not radiate light and joy.

Ni izžareval svetlobe in veselja.

There were no choirs of angels,

Niso ga spremljali zbori angelov,

no music of the spheres, no elation, no ecstasy,

bilo ni nobene nebeške glasbe, nobene vznesenosti, nobene ekstaze,

no golden aura surrounding him,

ni ga obdajal zlati sij,

no sense of an absolute, fore-ordained role

ni ga preveval občutek vzvišenosti in posvečenosti

as the messenger of God.

glasnika Boga.

That is, he did none of the things

Naredil ni nobene od stvari,

that might make it easy to cry foul,

ki bi olajšale ljudem, da ga označijo za prevaranta

to put down the whole story as a pious fable.

in zavržejo celotno zgodbo kot versko pripovedko.

Quite the contrary.

Nasprotno.

In his own reported words,

Po svojih lastnih besedah

he was convinced at first

je bil sprva prepričan,

that what had happened couldn't have been real.

da kar se je zgodilo, ni moglo biti resnično.

At best, he thought, it had to have been a hallucination --

V najboljšem primeru je bila halucinacija -

a trick of the eye or the ear, perhaps,

mogoče trik očesa ali ušesa,

or his own mind working against him.

ali njegov lastni um, ki je deloval proti njemu.

At worst, possession --

V najslabšem primeru, obsedenost -

that he'd been seized by an evil jinn,

obsedel ga je zlobni duh,

a spirit out to deceive him,

duh, ki ga je želel zavesti,

even to crush the life out of him.

iztisniti življenje iz njega.

In fact, he was so sure that he could only be majnun,

Bil je tako prepričan, da je bil Majnun,

possessed by a jinn,

obseden od zlobnega duha,

that when he found himself still alive,

da je ob spoznanju, da je še vedno živ,

his first impulse was to finish the job himself,

najprej hotel sam dokončati delo,

to leap off the highest cliff

se vreči z najvišje pečine

and escape the terror of what he'd experienced

in ubežati strahotam, ki jih je doživel,

by putting an end to all experience.

ter tako končati svoje življenje.

So the man who fled down the mountain that night

Moža, ki je tisto noč pritekel iz gore,

trembled not with joy

ni prevevalo veselje,

but with a stark, primordial fear.

temveč globok, prvobitni strah.

He was overwhelmed not with conviction, but by doubt.

Bil je preplavljen ne z odločnostjo, temveč z dvomom.

And that panicked disorientation,

In ta panična zmedenost,

that sundering of everything familiar,

ta razdvojenost vsega poznanega,

that daunting awareness of something

ta zastrašujoča zavest nečesa,

beyond human comprehension,

kar presega človeški razum,

can only be called a terrible awe.

je lahko le hudo strahospoštovanje.

This might be somewhat difficult to grasp

To je morda težko razumeti,

now that we use the word "awesome"

ko danes besedo 'hudo'

to describe a new app or a viral video.

uporabljamo za novo mobilno aplikacijo ali viralni video.

With the exception perhaps of a massive earthquake,

Z morebitno izjemo obsežnega potresa

we're protected from real awe.

smo zaščiteni pred resnično hudimi stvarmi.

We close the doors and hunker down,

Zapremo vrata in se pritajimo,

convinced that we're in control,

prepričani, da imamo nadzor,

or, at least, hoping for control.

ali vsaj upamo na nadzor.

We do our best to ignore the fact that

Po svojih najboljših močeh ignoriramo dejstvo,

we don't always have it,

da ga vselej nimamo

and that not everything can be explained.

in da se ne da vsega pojasniti.

Yet whether you're a rationalist or a mystic,

A vendar ne glede na to ali ste racionalna ali mistična oseba,

whether you think the words Muhammad heard that night

ali mislite, da so besede, ki jih je Mohamed slišal tisto noč,

came from inside himself or from outside,

prišle iz njega ali od zunaj,

what's clear is that he did experience them,

je jasno, da jih je doživel

and that he did so with a force that would shatter

in da jih je doživel s silo, ki je porušila

his sense of himself and his world

njegov občutek sebstva in razumevanje sveta

and transform this otherwise modest man

ter preoblikovala drugače skromnega moža

into a radical advocate for social and economic justice.

v radikalnega zagovornika družbene in gospodarske pravičnosti.

Fear was the only sane response,

Strah je bil edini razumen odziv,

the only human response.

edini človeški odziv.

Too human for some,

Za nekatere celo preveč človeški,

like conservative Muslim theologians who maintain that

kot na primer za konzervativne muslimanske teologe, ki vztrajajo,

the account of his wanting to kill himself

da njegova želja, da bi se ubil,

shouldn't even be mentioned, despite the fact

ne bi smela biti niti omenjena, kljub temu

that it's in the earliest Islamic biographies.

da je zapisana v zgodnjih muslimanskih biografijah.

They insist that he never doubted

Vztrajajo, da Mohamed ni dvomil

for even a single moment, let alone despaired.

niti za trenutek, kaj šele obupal.

Demanding perfection, they refuse to tolerate

Zahtevajoč popolnost zavračajo

human imperfection.

človeško nepopolnost.

Yet what, exactly, is imperfect about doubt?

In vendar, kaj natančno je nepopolnega na dvomu?

As I read those early accounts, I realized it was

Ko sem brala zgodnje pripovedi, sem doumela,

precisely Muhammad's doubt that brought him alive for me,

da je bil prav Mohamedov dvom tisto, kar ga je oživilo v mojih očeh,

that allowed me to begin to see him in full,

kar mi je dovolilo, da sem ga videla v celoti,

to accord him the integrity of reality.

da sem mu priznala integriteto resničnosti.

And the more I thought about it,

In bolj ko sem razmišljala o tem,

the more it made sense that he doubted,

bolj se mi je zdelo smiselno, da je dvomil,

because doubt is essential to faith.

saj je dvom bistvo vere.

If this seems a startling idea at first,

Če se to sprva zdi presenetljiva ideja,

consider that doubt, as Graham Greene once put it,

pomislite, da je dvom, kot je nekoč rekel Graham Greene,

is the heart of the matter.

srčika stvari.

Abolish all doubt, and what's left is not faith,

Če odpravite ves dvom, vam ne ostane vera,

but absolute, heartless conviction.

temveč vzvišena, brezsrčna odločnost.

You're certain that you possess the Truth --

Prepričani ste, da poznate Resnico -

inevitably offered with an implied uppercase T --

neizogibno ponujeno z implicitno veliko začetnico -

and this certainty quickly devolves

in to se zagotovo prav hitro preoblikuje

into dogmatism and righteousness,

v dogmatizem in pravičništvo,

by which I mean a demonstrative, overweening pride

s čimer mislim odkrit, aroganten ponos

in being so very right,

absolutne pravilnosti,

in short, the arrogance of fundamentalism.

na kratko, aroganco fundamentalizma.

It has to be one of the multiple ironies of history

Najbrž je ena izmed mnogih ironij zgodovine,

that a favorite expletive of Muslim fundamentalists

da je najljubša psovka muslimanskih fundamentalistov

is the same one once used by the Christian fundamentalists

enaka tisti, ki so jo nekoč uporabljali krščanski fundamentalisti,

known as Crusaders:

poznani kot križarji:

"infidel," from the Latin for "faithless."

"infidel" izpeljana iz latinske besede za "nevernika."

Doubly ironic, in this case, because their absolutism

V tem primeru dvojno ironično, saj je njihova vzvišenost

is in fact the opposite of faith.

pravzaprav nasprotje vere.

In effect, they are the infidels.

V bistvu so oni neverniki.

Like fundamentalists of all religious stripes,

Tako kot fundamentalisti vseh religijskih barv

they have no questions, only answers.

tudi oni nimajo nobenih vprašanj, samo odgovore.

They found the perfect antidote to thought

Našli so popoln protistrup mišljenju

and the ideal refuge of the hard demands of real faith.

in idealno zatočišče težkih zahtev prave vere.

They don't have to struggle for it like Jacob

Ni se jim treba boriti zanjo, kot se je Jakob,

wrestling through the night with the angel,

ki se je vso noč boril z angelom,

or like Jesus in his 40 days and nights in the wilderness,

ali kot Jezus v svojih 40 dneh in nočeh v divjini,

or like Muhammad, not only that night on the mountain,

ali kot Mohamed, ne le tiste noči na gori,

but throughout his years as a prophet,

temveč tudi vsa leta kot prerok,

with the Koran constantly urging him not to despair,

ko ga je Koran nenehno pozival, naj ne obupa,

and condemning those who most loudly proclaim

in obsojal tiste, ki so najglasneje vztrajali,

that they know everything there is to know

da vedo vse, kar se da vedeti,

and that they and they alone are right.

in da imajo le oni prav.

And yet we, the vast and still far too silent majority,

In vendar smo mi, obsežna in še vedno veliko pretiha večina,

have ceded the public arena to this extremist minority.

prepustili javno prizorišče tem ekstremističnim manjšinam.

We've allowed Judaism to be claimed

Prepustili smo, da si judaizem prilaščajo

by violently messianic West Bank settlers,

nasilni mesijanski prebivalci Zahodnega brega,

Christianity by homophobic hypocrites

krščanstvo homofobni hinavci

and misogynistic bigots,

in šovinistični nestrpneži,

Islam by suicide bombers.

islam samomorilski napadalci.

And we've allowed ourselves to be blinded to the fact that

In dovolili smo si spregledati dejstvo,

no matter whether they claim to be Christians,

da ne glede na to ali trdijo, da so kristjani,

Jews or Muslims,

judje ali muslimani,

militant extremists are none of the above.

militantni ekstremisti niso nič od naštetega.

They're a cult all their own, blood brothers

So svojevrsten kult, krvni bratje

steeped in other people's blood.

prežeti s krvjo drugih.

This isn't faith.

To ni vera.

It's fanaticism, and we have to stop confusing the two.

To je fanatizem in moramo ju prenehati zamenjevati.

We have to recognize that real faith has no easy answers.

Moramo spoznati, da resnična vera nima enostavnih odgovorov.

It's difficult and stubborn.

Je težavna in trmasta.

It involves an ongoing struggle,

Vključuje stalen boj,

a continual questioning of what we think we know,

nenehno preizpraševanje tega, kar mislimo, da vemo,

a wrestling with issues and ideas.

spopad z vprašanji in idejami.

It goes hand in hand with doubt,

Gre z roko v roki z dvomom

in a never-ending conversation with it,

v neskončnem pogovoru z njim

and sometimes in conscious defiance of it.

in z občasnim zavestnim kljubovanjem dvomu.

And this conscious defiance is why I, as an agnostic,

In prav zavestno kljubovanje je razlog, da imam kot agnostik

can still have faith.

še vedno lahko vero.

I have faith, for instance, that peace in the Middle East

Imam vero, denimo, da je mir na Bližnjem vzhodu

is possible despite the ever-accumulating mass of evidence

možen, kljub čedalje večjemu številu dokazov

to the contrary.

o nasprotnem.

I'm not convinced of this.

Tega ne vem zagotovo.

I can hardly say I believe it.

Komajda lahko rečem, da verjamem.

I can only have faith in it,

Imam lahko le vero,

commit myself, that is, to the idea of it,

to je, da se zavežem ideji miru

and I do this precisely because of the temptation

in to storim ravno zaradi skušnjave,

to throw up my hands in resignation

da bi dvignila roke

and retreat into silence.

in se umaknila v tišino.

Because despair is self-fulfilling.

Kajti obup je samoizpolnjujoča prerokba.

If we call something impossible,

Če nekaj označimo kot nemogoče,

we act in such a way that we make it so.

delujemo tako, da to naredimo takšno.

And I, for one, refuse to live that way.

In jaz, za začetek, nočem živeti tako.

In fact, most of us do,

Pravzaprav nas večina noče.

whether we're atheist or theist

Ali ste ateisti ali teisti

or anywhere in between or beyond, for that matter,

ali kjerkoli vmes ali izven, kar se tega tiče,

what drives us is that, despite our doubts

kar nas žene, je dejstvo, da kljub našim dvomom

and even because of our doubts,

in celo zaradi njih,

we reject the nihilism of despair.

zavračamo nihilizem obupa.

We insist on faith in the future

Vztrajamo pri veri v prihodnost

and in each other.

in v drug drugega.

Call this naive if you like.

Recite temu naivnost, če hočete.

Call it impossibly idealistic if you must.

Recite temu nemogoč idealizem, če že morate.

But one thing is sure:

A nekaj je gotovo:

Call it human.

recite temu človeško.

Could Muhammad have so radically changed his world

Ali bi lahko Mohamed tako radikalno spremenil svoj svet

without such faith, without the refusal

brez takšne vere, ne da bi zavrnil

to cede to the arrogance of closed-minded certainty?

aroganco gotovosti omejenega duha?

I think not.

Mislim, da ne.

After keeping company with him as a writer

Po tem, ko sem mu delala družbo kot pisateljica

for the past five years, I can't see

zadnjih pet let, ne morem reči,

that he'd be anything but utterly outraged

da bi bil karkoli drugega kot skrajno ogorčen

at the militant fundamentalists who claim to speak

nad militantnimi fundamentalisti, ki trdijo, da danes govorijo

and act in his name in the Middle East and elsewhere today.

in delujejo v njegovem imenu na Bližnjem vzhodu in drugod.

He'd be appalled at the repression of half the population

Bil bi zgrožen nad zatiranjem polovice prebivalstva

because of their gender.

zaradi njihovega spola.

He'd be torn apart by the bitter divisiveness of sectarianism.

Bil bi užaloščen zaradi grenkih sporov sektaštva.

He'd call out terrorism for what it is,

Terorizem bi označil za tisto, kar dejansko je,

not only criminal but an obscene travesty

ne le kriminalno, ampak tudi nespodobno popačenje

of everything he believed in and struggled for.

vsega, v kar je verjel in za kar se je boril.

He'd say what the Koran says: Anyone who takes a life

Rekel bi, kar pravi tudi Koran: Vsakdo, ki vzame eno življenje,

takes the life of all humanity.

vzame življenje celotnemu človeštvu.

Anyone who saves a life, saves the life of all humanity.

Vsakdo, ki reši eno življenje, reši življenje celotnemu človeštvu.

And he'd commit himself fully

In globoko bi se zavezal

to the hard and thorny process of making peace.

težki in trnovi poti do miru.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)

Thank you. (Applause)

Hvala. (Aplavz)