Lesley Hazleton: The doubt essential to faith

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Translator: Aida Musai Reviewer: Iris Xholi

Writing biography is a strange thing to do.

Te shkruash nje biografi eshte e cuditshme.

It's a journey into the foreign territory

Eshte si te udhetosh ne token e huaj

of somebody else's life,

te jetes se nje personi,

a journey, an exploration that can take you places

eshte nje udhetim, nje eksplorim qe mund te te shpjere

you never dreamed of going

ne vende qe nuk ke enderruar ndonjehere te shkosh,

and still can't quite believe you've been,

e qe edhe me pas nuk beson se ke qene,

especially if, like me, you're an agnostic Jew

sidomos, nese je hebre agnostike si une

and the life you've been exploring

e nese jeta qe ti po eksploron

is that of Muhammad.

eshte ajo e Muhamedit.

Five years ago, for instance,

Per shembull, pese vjet me pare,

I found myself waking each morning in misty Seattle

zgjohesha cdo mengjes ne Siatellin e mjegullt

to what I knew was an impossible question:

me nje pyetje pergjigjen e se ciles e mendoja te pamundur:

What actually happened

Cfare ndodhi ne te vertete

one desert night,

ate nate ne shkretetire,

half the world and almost half of history away?

ne ate vend ne anen tjeter te botes, aq vite me pare?

What happened, that is,

Pra, cfare ndodhi

on the night in the year 610

ne ate mbremje te vitit 610

when Muhammad received the first revelation of the Koran

kur Muhamedi u lajmerua per here te pare per ekzistencen e Kuranit

on a mountain just outside Mecca?

ne ate mal afer qytetit te Mekes?

This is the core mystical moment of Islam,

Ky eshte momenti mistik me i rendesishem i Islamit,

and as such, of course,

dhe duke qene i tille,

it defies empirical analysis.

ai e hedh poshte analizen empirike.

Yet the question wouldn't let go of me.

E megjithate kjo pyetje nuk me linte rehat.

I was fully aware that for someone as secular as I am,

Isha plotesisht e vetedijshme se per nje laike si puna ime

just asking it could be seen

fakti i thjeshte se po e ngrija kete pyetje

as pure chutzpah.

mund te merrej si kutspa (paturpesi).

(Laughter)

(Te qeshura)

And I plead guilty as charged,

Dhe une e pranoj akuzen,

because all exploration, physical or intellectual,

sepse cdo lloj eksplorimi, si fizik ashtu edhe intelektual,

is inevitably in some sense an act of transgression,

eshte ne nje fare menyre nje thyerje,

of crossing boundaries.

nje shkelje kufiri.

Still, some boundaries are larger than others.

E megjithate, disa kufinj jane me te gjere se te tjeret.

So a human encountering the divine,

Keshtu, takimi i nje njeriu me Zotin,

as Muslims believe Muhammad did,

sic tregojne Myslimanet per Muhamedin,

to the rationalist, this is a matter not of fact

per njeriun racional nuk eshte fakt,

but of wishful fiction,

por nje sajese e paramenduar.

and like all of us, I like to think of myself as rational.

Une, si te gjithe ne, preferoj te mendoj se jam nje njeri racional.

Which might be why when I looked at the earliest accounts

Kjo ndoshta shpjegon faktin se, kur u hodha nje sy te dhenave me te hershme

we have of that night,

qe kemi nga ajo nate,

what struck me even more than what happened

me shume me habiti jo ajo qe ndodhi

was what did not happen.

por ajo qe nuk ndodhi.

Muhammad did not come floating off the mountain

Muhamedi nuk zbriti nga mali duke pluskuar

as though walking on air.

apo duket ecur ne ajer.

He did not run down shouting, "Hallelujah!"

Ai nuk vrapoi teposhte duke thirrur "Haleluja!"

and "Bless the Lord!"

apo "Faleminderit Zot!".

He did not radiate light and joy.

Ai nuk rrezatonte drite e lumturi.

There were no choirs of angels,

Nuk pati kore engjejsh,

no music of the spheres, no elation, no ecstasy,

muzike, ngazellim apo ekstaze,

no golden aura surrounding him,

ate nuk e rrethoi ndonje aureole e florinjte,

no sense of an absolute, fore-ordained role

ai nuk mori persiper rolin absolut dhe te parapergatitur per te

as the messenger of God.

si lajmetar i Zotit.

That is, he did none of the things

Duke qene se asnje nga keto nuk ndodhi

that might make it easy to cry foul,

eshte e lehte t'a kundershtosh,

to put down the whole story as a pious fable.

t'a hedhesh historine poshte si te pavertete.

Quite the contrary.

Ndodhi e kunderta.

In his own reported words,

Nga vete fjalet e tij,

he was convinced at first

ne fillim ai ishte i bindur

that what had happened couldn't have been real.

se ajo qe kishte ndodhur nuk mund te ishte e vertete.

At best, he thought, it had to have been a hallucination --

Ne rastin me te mire, mendoi, do kishte qene ndonje halucinacion...

a trick of the eye or the ear, perhaps,

ndoshta nje mashtrim i syrit e i veshit,

or his own mind working against him.

ose ndoshta mendja i kishte punuar nje rreng.

At worst, possession --

Ne rastin me te keq

that he'd been seized by an evil jinn,

do kishte qene ndonje xhind qe kishte hyre brenda tij,

a spirit out to deceive him,

nje shpirt qe donte t'a mashtronte,

even to crush the life out of him.

ndoshta me qellimin per t'i marre jeten.

In fact, he was so sure that he could only be majnun,

Ne fakt, ai ishte kaq i sigurt se kishte qene

possessed by a jinn,

i poseduar nga nje xhind,

that when he found himself still alive,

saqe kur pa se ishte ende gjalle,

his first impulse was to finish the job himself,

gjeja e pare qe deshiroi ishte t'i jepte fund vete asaj qe kishte filluar xhindi,

to leap off the highest cliff

te hidhej nga maja me e larte

and escape the terror of what he'd experienced

per t'i shpetuar tmerrit qe kishte perjetuar

by putting an end to all experience.

duke i dhene fund asaj eksperience.

So the man who fled down the mountain that night

Keshtu, njeriu qe fluturoi teposhte malit ate nate

trembled not with joy

nuk dridhej nga lumturia

but with a stark, primordial fear.

por nga nje frike e madhe primitive.

He was overwhelmed not with conviction, but by doubt.

Ai ndihej i pushtuar jo nga besimi i madh, por nga dyshimi.

And that panicked disorientation,

Dhe frika nga ky corientim,

that sundering of everything familiar,

shkaterrimi i gjithckaje te njohur,

that daunting awareness of something

krijimi i kontaktit me dicka

beyond human comprehension,

qe i tejkalonte njohurite njerezore,

can only be called a terrible awe.

mund te quhet thjesht surprize e tmerrshme.

This might be somewhat difficult to grasp

Kjo mund te jete pak e veshtire te kuptohet

now that we use the word "awesome"

duke qene se ne e perdorim fjalen "surprizuese"

to describe a new app or a viral video.

per te pershkruar nje aplikacion te ri apo nje video virale.

With the exception perhaps of a massive earthquake,

Pervec rastit te ndonje termeti te forte,

we're protected from real awe.

ne jemi te mbrojtur nga surprizat e verteta.

We close the doors and hunker down,

Mbyllim dyert dhe ulemi galic,

convinced that we're in control,

te bindur se kemi gjithcka nen kontroll,

or, at least, hoping for control.

ose te pakten, duke shpresuar se e kemi.

We do our best to ignore the fact that

Perpiqemi ne cdo menyre per te mos u kujtuar

we don't always have it,

se jo gjithmone e kemi kete kontroll,

and that not everything can be explained.

dhe se nuk mund te japim nje shpjegim per gjithcka.

Yet whether you're a rationalist or a mystic,

Pavaresisht nese je racional apo mistik,

whether you think the words Muhammad heard that night

pavaresisht nese mendon se fjalet qe Muhamedi degjoi ate nate

came from inside himself or from outside,

vinin nga brenda apo jashte tij,

what's clear is that he did experience them,

ajo qe eshte e qarte eshte se ai i degjoi ato,

and that he did so with a force that would shatter

dhe ato ushtruan nje force qe shkundi

his sense of himself and his world

perceptimin e tij te vetes dhe te botes ku jetonte

and transform this otherwise modest man

dhe transformuan kete njeri modest

into a radical advocate for social and economic justice.

ne nje avokat radikalist te drejtesise shoqerore dhe ekonomike.

Fear was the only sane response,

Frika ishte pergjigja e vetme e arsyeshme,

the only human response.

pergjigja e vetme njerezore qe mund te pritej.

Too human for some,

Per disa madje teper njerezore,

like conservative Muslim theologians who maintain that

si psh per teologet konservative myslimane qe pohojne se

the account of his wanting to kill himself

fakti qe ai tentoi te vriste veten

shouldn't even be mentioned, despite the fact

nuk duhet te permendet, pavaresisht

that it's in the earliest Islamic biographies.

se ai permendet ne biografike e para islamike.

They insist that he never doubted

Ata kembengulin se ai nuk dyshoi

for even a single moment, let alone despaired.

per asnje moment, e jo me te deshperohej.

Demanding perfection, they refuse to tolerate

Duke kerkuar perfeksionin, ata nuk pranojne te tolerojne

human imperfection.

imperfeksionin njerezor.

Yet what, exactly, is imperfect about doubt?

Ne fund te fundit, pse nuk qenka dyshimi perfekt?

As I read those early accounts, I realized it was

Teksa lexoja ato shkrime te vjetra, kuptova se ishte

precisely Muhammad's doubt that brought him alive for me,

pikerisht dyshimi i Muhamedit ai qe e beri ate me te gjalle ne syte e mi,

that allowed me to begin to see him in full,

qe me lejoi te filloja te shihja plotesine e tij,

to accord him the integrity of reality.

duke i dhene atij plotesine e nje njeriu real.

And the more I thought about it,

E sa me shume qe mendoja per kete,

the more it made sense that he doubted,

aq me shume kuptim gjeja ne dyshimin e tij,

because doubt is essential to faith.

sepse dyshimi eshte pjese e pandashme e besimit.

If this seems a startling idea at first,

Nese ne pamje te pare kjo ide ju duket befasuese,

consider that doubt, as Graham Greene once put it,

atehere mendoni se dyshimi, sic tha nje here Graham Grini,

is the heart of the matter.

eshte ne zemer te ceshtjes.

Abolish all doubt, and what's left is not faith,

Nese evitohet cdo lloj dyshimi, ajo qe mbetet nuk eshte besim,

but absolute, heartless conviction.

por nje bindje absolute dhe e pashpirt.

You're certain that you possess the Truth --

Ti ndihesh i sigurt se zoteron te Verteten...

inevitably offered with an implied uppercase T --

pashmangshmerisht e shkruar me V te madhe...

and this certainty quickly devolves

dhe kjo shume shpejt shnderrohet

into dogmatism and righteousness,

ne dogmatizem dhe drejtesi,

by which I mean a demonstrative, overweening pride

pra ne krenarine e papermbajtur dhe mendjemadhe

in being so very right,

e te pasurit te drejte.

in short, the arrogance of fundamentalism.

Me pak fjale, shnderrohet ne arrogance fondamentalistesh.

It has to be one of the multiple ironies of history

Eshte me siguri nje prej ironive te historise

that a favorite expletive of Muslim fundamentalists

fakti qe nje nga sloganet e fondamentalisteve myslymane

is the same one once used by the Christian fundamentalists

eshte i njejte me ate qe perdornin fondamentalistet e krishtere

known as Crusaders:

te njohur si kryqetare:

"infidel," from the Latin for "faithless."

"infidel" qe nga latinishtja do te thote "i pafe".

Doubly ironic, in this case, because their absolutism

Ky rast eshte dyfish ironik, duke qene se ky absolutizem

is in fact the opposite of faith.

eshte e kunderta e besimit.

In effect, they are the infidels.

Ata ne te vertete jane te pafe.

Like fundamentalists of all religious stripes,

Ashtu si fondamentalistet e gjithe ekstrakteve fetare,

they have no questions, only answers.

ata nuk bejne pyetje, por thjesht pergjigjen.

They found the perfect antidote to thought

Ata kane gjetur antihelmin perfekt kunder mendimit

and the ideal refuge of the hard demands of real faith.

dhe strehen ideale larg kerkesave te veshtira te besimit te vertete.

They don't have to struggle for it like Jacob

Ata nuk duhet te luftojne per te sic beri Jakobi

wrestling through the night with the angel,

duke u zene gjate gjithe nates me engjellin,

or like Jesus in his 40 days and nights in the wilderness,

apo sic beri Jezusi gjate 40 diteve te tij mes shkretetires,

or like Muhammad, not only that night on the mountain,

apo sic beri Muhamendi, jo vetem gjate asaj nate ne mal,

but throughout his years as a prophet,

por gjate gjithe viteve qe kaloi si profet,

with the Koran constantly urging him not to despair,

me Kuranin qe vazhdimisht e nxiste te mos binte ne deshperim,

and condemning those who most loudly proclaim

duke denuar keshtu te gjithe ata qe me ze te larte deklarojne

that they know everything there is to know

se dine gjithcka qe duhet ditur

and that they and they alone are right.

dhe se ata e vetem ata kane te drejte.

And yet we, the vast and still far too silent majority,

E megjithate, ne, maxhoranca teper e heshtur,

have ceded the public arena to this extremist minority.

ia kemi lene skenen publike minoritetit ekstremist.

We've allowed Judaism to be claimed

Kemi lejuar qe judaizmi te perfaqesohet

by violently messianic West Bank settlers,

nga pushtuesit e dhunshem te Bregut Perendimor,

Christianity by homophobic hypocrites

qe krishterimi te perfaqesohet nga hipokritet homofobike,

and misogynistic bigots,

dhe bigotet misogjenike,

Islam by suicide bombers.

dhe islamizmi te perfaqesohet nga vetevrasesit me bomba.

And we've allowed ourselves to be blinded to the fact that

Dhe kemi pranuar te jemi te verber ndaj faktit se

no matter whether they claim to be Christians,

pavaresisht nese ata deklarojne se jane te Krishtere,

Jews or Muslims,

Hebre apo Myslymane,

militant extremists are none of the above.

militantet ekstremiste nuk bejne pjese ne grupet e mesiperme.

They're a cult all their own, blood brothers

Ata bejne pjese ne nje kult te vetin, jane vellezer gjaku

steeped in other people's blood.

te perlyer nga gjaku i te tjereve.

This isn't faith.

Ky nuk quhet besim.

It's fanaticism, and we have to stop confusing the two.

Quhet fanatizem, dhe ne nuk duhet t'i ngaterrojme me keto dy terma.

We have to recognize that real faith has no easy answers.

Duhet te pranojme se besimi i vertete nuk jep pergjigje te lehta.

It's difficult and stubborn.

Eshte i veshtire dhe kokeforte.

It involves an ongoing struggle,

Perfshin perpjekje te vazhdueshme,

a continual questioning of what we think we know,

pyetje te perseritura per ate qe mendojme se dime,

a wrestling with issues and ideas.

lufte te vazhdueshme me ceshtjet dhe idete tona.

It goes hand in hand with doubt,

Ecen dore per dore me dyshimin,

in a never-ending conversation with it,

ne nje bisede qe nuk perfundon kurre,

and sometimes in conscious defiance of it.

madje ndonjehere duke e kundershtuar ate hapur.

And this conscious defiance is why I, as an agnostic,

Dhe eshte pikerisht kjo kundershti e hapur, arsyeja pse nje laike si une,

can still have faith.

mundet ende te besoje.

I have faith, for instance, that peace in the Middle East

Per shembull, une kam besimin se paqa ne Lindjen e Mesme

is possible despite the ever-accumulating mass of evidence

eshte e mundshme, pavaresisht provave te pafundme

to the contrary.

qe provojne te kunderten.

I'm not convinced of this.

Une nuk e jam e bindur per kete.

I can hardly say I believe it.

Madje ndoshta nuk mund te them as qe besoj se do te ndodhe.

I can only have faith in it,

Une duhet te kem besim,

commit myself, that is, to the idea of it,

pra, t'i perkushtohem kesaj ideje.

and I do this precisely because of the temptation

Dhe une e bej kete pikerisht per shkak te tundimit

to throw up my hands in resignation

qe me shtyn te ngre duart lart dhe te dorezohem

and retreat into silence.

duke u terhequr ne heshtje.

Because despair is self-fulfilling.

Sepse deshperimi eshte si nje parashikim qe del i sakte.

If we call something impossible,

Nese ne e quajme dicka te pamundur,

we act in such a way that we make it so.

atehere sjellja jone do t'a beje ate te pamundur.

And I, for one, refuse to live that way.

Ndersa une refuzoj te jetoj ne kete menyre.

In fact, most of us do,

Ne fakt shumica jone e ben kete,

whether we're atheist or theist

pavaresisht nese jemi laike apo besimtare,

or anywhere in between or beyond, for that matter,

diku mes te dyjave apo pertej tyre,

what drives us is that, despite our doubts

ajo qe na nxit perpara eshte se, pavaresisht dyshimeve,

and even because of our doubts,

madje edhe fale tyre,

we reject the nihilism of despair.

ne nuk pranojme t'i dorezohemi nihilizmit dhe deshperimit.

We insist on faith in the future

Ne kembengulim ne besimin qe kemi tek e ardhmja

and in each other.

dhe tek njeri-tjetri.

Call this naive if you like.

Quajeni po te doni naivitet.

Call it impossibly idealistic if you must.

Nese duhet t'i vini nje emer quajeni idealizem i pamundur.

But one thing is sure:

Por nje gje eshte e sigurte:

Call it human.

Quajeni njerezore.

Could Muhammad have so radically changed his world

A do te kishte mundur Muhamedi t'a ndryshonte ne menyre kaq radikale boten e tij

without such faith, without the refusal

po te mos kishte pasur kete besim, po te mos kishte refuzuar

to cede to the arrogance of closed-minded certainty?

te dorezohej perpara arrogances se bindjeve te mendje-ngushteve?

I think not.

Une mendoj se jo.

After keeping company with him as a writer

Pasi i bera atij shoqeri si shkrimtare

for the past five years, I can't see

gjate pese viteve te kaluara, shoh se

that he'd be anything but utterly outraged

ai thjesht do te befasohej

at the militant fundamentalists who claim to speak

nga militantet fondamentaliste qe pretendojne se flasin

and act in his name in the Middle East and elsewhere today.

dhe veprojne sot ne emer te tij ne Lindjen e Mesme apo diku tjeter.

He'd be appalled at the repression of half the population

Ai do te tronditej nga shtypja e gjysmes se popullesise

because of their gender.

per shkak te gjinise.

He'd be torn apart by the bitter divisiveness of sectarianism.

Ai do te lendohej nga ndarja e hidhur e sekteve.

He'd call out terrorism for what it is,

Ai do t'a quante terrorizmin me emrin qe meriton,

not only criminal but an obscene travesty

jo vetem si krim por si nje maskim te shemtuar

of everything he believed in and struggled for.

te gjithcka qe ai besonte dhe per te cilen luftoi.

He'd say what the Koran says: Anyone who takes a life

Ai do te thoshte ate qe thuhet ne Kuran: Ai qe merr nje jete,

takes the life of all humanity.

i merr jeten gjithe njerezimit.

Anyone who saves a life, saves the life of all humanity.

Ai qe shpeton nje jete, i shpeton jeten gjithe njerezimit.

And he'd commit himself fully

Dhe ai do t'i perkushtohej plotesisht

to the hard and thorny process of making peace.

procesit te veshtire dhe plot pengesa te vendosjes se paqes.

Thank you.

Faleminderit.

(Applause)

(duartrokitje)

Thank you. (Applause)

Faleminderit. (duartrokitje)