Daniel Goleman: Why arent we all Good Samaritans?

Traducător: Bianca Bardas Corector: Maria Tancu

You know, I'm struck by how one of the implicit themes of TED

Stiti, sunt uimit ca una dintre temele implicite la TED

is compassion, these very moving demonstrations we've just seen:

este compasiunea. Aceste demonstatii impresionante pe care tocmai le-am vazut:

HIV in Africa, President Clinton last night.

HIV in Africa, presedintele Clinton in prezentarea de aseara,

And I'd like to do a little collateral thinking, if you will,

si as vrea, cu voia voastra, sa exersam un pic gandirea colaterala

about compassion and bring it from the global level to the personal.

pe tema compasiunii si sa o aducem de la un nivel general la unul personal.

I'm a psychologist, but rest assured,

Sunt psiholog, dar va asigur

I will not bring it to the scrotal.

ca nu voi intra pe panta sexuala.

(Laughter)

(Rasete)

There was a very important study done a while ago

Exista un studiu foarte important realizat mai de demult

at Princeton Theological Seminary that speaks to why it is

la Seminarul Teologic Princeton, in care se vorbeste despre motivele pentru care,

that when all of us have so many opportunities to help,

desi avem atat de multe ocazii sa ajutam,

we do sometimes, and we don't other times.

uneori o facem si alteori nu.

A group of divinity students at the Princeton Theological Seminary

Unui grup de studenti ai Seminarului Teologic Princeton

were told that they were going to give a practice sermon

i s-a spus ca vor urma sa tina un exercitiu de predica

and they were each given a sermon topic.

si fiecaruia i s-a dat subiectul predicii.

Half of those students were given, as a topic,

Jumatate dintre ei au primit ca si subiect

the parable of the Good Samaritan:

parabola Bunului Samaritean:

the man who stopped the stranger in --

omul care a oprit un strain...

to help the stranger in need by the side of the road.

care s-a oprit si a ajutat un strain la ananghie aflat pe marginea drumului.

Half were given random Bible topics.

Cealalta jumatate a primit subiecte aleatorii din Biblie.

Then one by one, they were told they had to go to another building

Apoi, fiecaruia, rand pe rand i s-a spus sa se duca in alta cladire

and give their sermon.

si sa isi sustina predica.

As they went from the first building to the second,

Mergand de la prima cladire la cea de-a doua,

each of them passed a man who was bent over and moaning,

fiecare dintre ei a trecut pe langa un om care era aplecat si gemea,

clearly in need. The question is: Did they stop to help?

clar in nevoie. Intrebarea este: s-au oprit sa il ajute?

The more interesting question is:

O intrebare si mai interesanta este:

Did it matter they were contemplating the parable

A contat ca meditau la parabola

of the Good Samaritan? Answer: No, not at all.

Bunului Samaritean? Raspunsul: Nu, nu a contat deloc.

What turned out to determine whether someone would stop

Ceea ce s-a dovedit ca a determinat daca cineva se oprea

and help a stranger in need

sa ajute strainul care avea nevoie de ajutor

was how much of a hurry they thought they were in --

a fost graba in care credeau ca se afla,

were they feeling they were late, or were they absorbed

daca simteau ca sunt in intarziere sau erau absorbiti

in what they were going to talk about.

de ceea ce aveau sa prezinte.

And this is, I think, the predicament of our lives:

Si cred ca acesta este necazul cu viata noastra:

that we don't take every opportunity to help

ca nu ne folosim de fiecare ocazie de a ajuta

because our focus is in the wrong direction.

pentru ca suntem concentrati in directia gresita.

There's a new field in brain science, social neuroscience.

Exista un nou domeniu in cadrul neurologiei, stiinta neuro-sociala.

This studies the circuitry in two people's brains

Acesta studiaza circuitul din creierele a doua persoane

that activates while they interact.

care se activeaza in timp ce interactioneaza.

And the new thinking about compassion from social neuroscience

Noua abordare legata de compasiune din punct de vedere al stiintei neuro-sociale

is that our default wiring is to help.

este ca circuitele noastre de baza sunt create sa ajute.

That is to say, if we attend to the other person,

Asta inseamna ca, daca ingrijim o alta persoana,

we automatically empathize, we automatically feel with them.

automat empatizam, automat intram in rezonanta.

There are these newly identified neurons, mirror neurons,

Exista niste neuroni nou identificati, neuroni gemeni,

that act like a neuro Wi-Fi, activating in our brain

care actioneaza ca neuroni Wi-Fi, activand in creierul nostru

exactly the areas activated in theirs. We feel "with" automatically.

exact zonele activate in creierul celeilate persoane. Intram in rezonanta automat.

And if that person is in need, if that person is suffering,

Daca cealalta persoana se afla la nevoie, daca acea persoana sufera,

we're automatically prepared to help. At least that's the argument.

suntem automat pregatiti sa ajutam. Dovada, cel putin, aceasta este argumentatia.

But then the question is: Why don't we?

Dar atunci intrebarea este: de ce nu o facem?

And I think this speaks to a spectrum

Cred ca aceasta se refera la un spectru

that goes from complete self-absorption,

care merge de la o completa auto-preocupare

to noticing, to empathy and to compassion.

pana la observare, empatie si compasiune.

And the simple fact is, if we are focused on ourselves,

Si realitatea este ca, daca suntem concentrati pe noi insine,

if we're preoccupied, as we so often are throughout the day,

daca suntem preocupati, asa cum deseori suntem pe parcursul unei zile,

we don't really fully notice the other.

nu ii observam pe ceilalti cu adevarat.

And this difference between the self and the other focus

Si diferenta dintre atentia concentrata pe noi si pe ceilalti

can be very subtle.

poate fi foarte fina.

I was doing my taxes the other day, and I got to the point

Acum cateva zile imi calculam impozitele si am ajuns la punctul

where I was listing all of the donations I gave,

in care am insirat toate donatiile facute

and I had an epiphany, it was -- I came to my check

si am avut o revelatie: am ajuns la un cec

to the Seva Foundation and I noticed that I thought,

catre Fundatia Seva si am observat cum gandeam

boy, my friend Larry Brilliant would really be happy

ca prietenul meu Larry Brilliant ar fi chiar fericit

that I gave money to Seva.

ca am donat bani catre Seva.

Then I realized that what I was getting from giving

Apoi am realizat ca ceea ce obtineam din donatie

was a narcissistic hit -- that I felt good about myself.

era un succes narcisistic: aveam o parere buna despre mine.

Then I started to think about the people in the Himalayas

Apoi am inceput sa ma gandesc la oamenii din Himalaya

whose cataracts would be helped, and I realized

ale caror cataracte vor fi vindecate si am realizat

that I went from this kind of narcissistic self-focus

ca m-am deplasat de la un fel de auto-focus narcisist

to altruistic joy, to feeling good

catre o bucurie altruista, la a ma simti bine

for the people that were being helped. I think that's a motivator.

pentru oamenii care primeau ajutor. Cred ca acesta este un factor motivational.

But this distinction between focusing on ourselves

Dar diferenta dintre a ne concentra pe noi insine

and focusing on others

si a ne concentra pe altii

is one that I encourage us all to pay attention to.

este una careia va incurajez sa ii dam cu totii atentie.

You can see it at a gross level in the world of dating.

O puteti observa la nivel macro in lumea intalnirilor amoroase.

I was at a sushi restaurant a while back

Am fost intr-un restaurant de sushi cu ceva timp in urma

and I overheard two women talking about the brother of one woman,

si am surprins doua femei vorbind despre fratele uneia dintre ele

who was in the singles scene. And this woman says,

necasatorit. Si aceasta femeie spune:

"My brother is having trouble getting dates,

"Fratele meu are probleme sa aiba intalniri

so he's trying speed dating." I don't know if you know speed dating?

asa ca incearca intalnirile rapide." Nu stiu daca sunteti familiarizati cu fenomenul.

Women sit at tables and men go from table to table,

Femeile stau la mese si barbatii se muta de la o masa la alta

and there's a clock and a bell, and at five minutes, bingo,

si exista un ceas si un clopotel si la fiecare 5 minute, bingo,

the conversation ends and the woman can decide

conversatia se tremina si femeia poate decide

whether to give her card or her email address to the man

daca sa ii dea cartea de vizita sau adresa de e-mail barbatului

for follow up. And this woman says,

pentru o continuare. Si aceasta femeie spunea:

"My brother's never gotten a card, and I know exactly why.

"Fratele meu nu a obtinut niciodata o carte de vizita. Si stiu exact de ce.

The moment he sits down, he starts talking non-stop about himself;

Din momentul in care se aseaza, incepe sa vorbeasca in continuu despre el,

he never asks about the woman."

si nu intreaba nimic despre femeie".

And I was doing some research in the Sunday Styles section

Am facut un studiu pentru rubrica Sunday Styles

of The New York Times, looking at the back stories of marriages --

a New York Times, uitatndu-ma la inceputurile casniciilor,

because they're very interesting -- and I came to the marriage

pentru ca sunt foarte interesante - si am ajuns la casatoria

of Alice Charney Epstein. And she said

lui Alice Charney Epstein. Ea spunea

that when she was in the dating scene,

ca atunci cand era pe piata intalnirilor amoroase,

she had a simple test she put people to.

utiliza un test simplu cu care verifica oamenii.

The test was: from the moment they got together,

Testul era: din momentul in care se intalneau

how long it would take the guy to ask her a question

cat trecea pana cand tipul ii adresa ei o intrebare

with the word "you" in it.

care continea cuvantul "tu".

And apparently Epstein aced the test, therefore the article.

Se pare ca Epstein a castigat testul, de unde si articolul.

(Laughter)

(Rasete)

Now this is a -- it's a little test

Va arat acum un mic test

I encourage you to try out at a party.

pe care va incurajez sa il incercati la o petrecere.

Here at TED there are great opportunities.

Aici la TED sunt multe momente prielnice.

The Harvard Business Review recently had an article called

Harvard Business Review a prezentat de curand un articol intitulat

"The Human Moment," about how to make real contact

" Momentul Uman" despre cum sa interactionezi cu adevarat

with a person at work. And they said, well,

cu o persoana de la birou. Si spuneau:

the fundamental thing you have to do is turn off your BlackBerry,

lucrul de baza pe care trebuie sa il faci este sa iti inchizi BlackBerry-ul,

close your laptop, end your daydream

sa iti inchizi laptopul, sa nu mai visezi cu ochii deschisi

and pay full attention to the person.

si sa ii oferi celuilalt atentia ta completa.

There is a newly coined word in the English language

Exista un cuvant nou aparut in limba engleza

for the moment when the person we're with whips out their BlackBerry

pentru momentul in care persoana cu care esti toceste tastele BlackBerry-ului

or answers that cell phone, and all of a sudden we don't exist.

sau raspunde la mobilul si dintr-o data noi ceilalti nu mai existam.

The word is "pizzled": it's a combination of puzzled and pissed off.

Cuvantul este "pizzled" o combinatie intre perplex si infuriat.

(Laughter)

(Rasete)

I think it's quite apt. It's our empathy, it's our tuning in

Cred ca se potriveste. Empatia, contactul

which separates us from Machiavellians or sociopaths.

ne separa de persoanele machiavelice sau sociopate.

I have a brother-in-law who's an expert on horror and terror --

Am un cumnat expert in domeniul groazei si terorii

he wrote the Annotated Dracula, the Essential Frankenstein --

a scris Insemnari despre Dracula, Frankenstein concis,

he was trained as a Chaucer scholar,

a fost educat ca discipol al lui Chaucer,

but he was born in Transylvania

dar s-a nascut in Transilvania

and I think it affected him a little bit.

si cred ca l-a afectat un pic.

At any rate, at one point my brother-in-law, Leonard,

La un moment dat cumnatul meu, Leonard,

decided to write a book about a serial killer.

s-a hotarat sa scrie o carte despre un criminal in serie.

This is a man who terrorized the very vicinity we're in

Acesta teroriza chiar zona in care stateam

many years ago. He was known as the Santa Cruz strangler.

cu multi ani in urma. Era cunoscut drept sugrumatorul din Santa Cruz,

And before he was arrested, he had murdered his grandparents,

iar inainte sa fie arestat isi omorase bunicii,

his mother and five co-eds at UC Santa Cruz.

mama si 5 dintre colegii de la UC Santa Cruz.

So my brother-in-law goes to interview this killer

Cumnatul meu merge sa intervieveze ucigasul

and he realizes when he meets him

si cand il intalneste realizeaza

that this guy is absolutely terrifying.

ca omul este absolut inspaimantator.

For one thing, he's almost seven feet tall.

In primul rand are aproape 7 picioare inaltime,

But that's not the most terrifying thing about him.

dar asta nu e cel mai inspaimantator lucru.

The scariest thing is that his IQ is 160: a certified genius.

Cel mai infricosator este ca IQ-ul lui este 160: un geniu cu acte.

But there is zero correlation between IQ and emotional empathy,

Dar corelatia este zero intre IQ si empatia emotionala,

feeling with the other person.

relationarea cu o alta persoana.

They're controlled by different parts of the brain.

Acestea sunt controlate de parti diferite ale creierului.

So at one point, my brother-in-law gets up the courage

La un moment dat cumnatul meu isi face curaj

to ask the one question he really wants to know the answer to,

si pune intrebarea la care vroia neaparat un raspuns:

and that is: how could you have done it?

Cum ai putut sa faci asa ceva?

Didn't you feel any pity for your victims?

Nu ai simtit niciun fel de mila pentru victime?

These were very intimate murders -- he strangled his victims.

Crimele erau foarte intime - isi strangula victimele.

And the strangler says very matter-of-factly,

Ucigasul raspune cu nonsalanta:

"Oh no. If I'd felt the distress, I could not have done it.

"Nu. Daca as fi simtit discomfort, nu as fi putut sa o fac.

I had to turn that part of me off. I had to turn that part of me off."

A trebuit sa opresc acea parte a mea. A trebuit sa opresc acea parte a mea."

And I think that that is very troubling,

Cred ca asta e foarte tulburator.

and in a sense, I've been reflecting on turning that part of us off.

Intr-un fel m-am gandit la oprirea acelei parti din fiecare dintre noi.

When we focus on ourselves in any activity,

Cand suntem absorbiti de orice si ne concentram asupra noastra

we do turn that part of ourselves off if there's another person.

chiar blocam acea parte a noastra ca si cand am fi alta persoana.

Think about going shopping and think about the possibilities

Ganditi-va la fenomenul cumparaturilor si la posibilitatea

of a compassionate consumerism.

unui consumerism milos.

Right now, as Bill McDonough has pointed out,

In acest moment, asa cum sublinia Bill McDonough,

the objects that we buy and use have hidden consequences.

obiectele pe care le cumparam si le folosim au consecinte ascunse.

We're all unwitting victims of a collective blind spot.

Suntem cu totii victimele inocente ale unui unghi mort colectiv.

We don't notice and don't notice that we don't notice

Nu observam si nu observam ca nu observam

the toxic molecules emitted by a carpet or by the fabric on the seats.

moleculele toxice emise de un covor sau de tapiteria de pe scaune.

Or we don't know if that fabric is a technological

Nu stim daca materialul este un nutrient tehnologic

or manufacturing nutrient; it can be reused

sau lucrat de mana; poate fi refolosit

or does it just end up at landfill? In other words,

sau ajunge la groapa de gunoi? Cu alte cuvinte,

we're oblivious to the ecological and public health

suntem orbi la consecintele ecologice si de sanatate publica,

and social and economic justice consequences

de dreptate sociala si economica

of the things we buy and use.

ale lucrurilor pe care le cumparam si folosim.

In a sense, the room itself is the elephant in the room,

Intr-un fel camera in sine este elefantul din camera,

but we don't see it. And we've become victims

doar ca nu il vedem. Si am devenit victimele

of a system that points us elsewhere. Consider this.

unui sistem care ne indreapta in alta directie. Ganditi-va la asta.

There's a wonderful book called

Exista o carte minunata numita:

Stuff: The Hidden Life of Everyday Objects.

"Lucruri: viata ascunsa a obiectelor uzuale"

And it talks about the back story of something like a t-shirt.

si vorbeste despre povestea din spatele unui tricou,

And it talks about where the cotton was grown

despre locul in care a fost cultivat bumbacul

and the fertilizers that were used and the consequences

ingrasamintele folosite si consecintele lor

for soil of that fertilizer. And it mentions, for instance,

asupra solului. Cartea mentioneaza, de exemplu,

that cotton is very resistant to textile dye;

ca bumbacul este foarte rezistent la colorantii textili;

about 60 percent washes off into wastewater.

in jur de 60% se pierde in apa reziduala.

And it's well known by epidemiologists that kids

E un lucru bine stiu de catre epidemiologi ca acei copii

who live near textile works tend to have high rates of leukemia.

care locuiesc in preajma fabricilor de textile tind sa aiba leucemie intr-o mai mare masura.

There's a company, Bennett and Company, that supplies Polo.com,

Exista o companie, Bennett and Company, care este furnizor pentru Polo,

Victoria's Secret -- they, because of their CEO, who's aware of this,

Victoria' Secret. Acestia, datorita directorului general care este constient de ce se intampla,

in China formed a joint venture with their dye works

a creat in China o alianta cu fabrica de coloranti

to make sure that the wastewater

pentru a se asigura ca apa reziduala

would be properly taken care of before it returned to the groundwater.

va fi tratata corespunzator inainte de a se intoarce in pamant.

Right now, we don't have the option to choose the virtuous t-shirt

In prezent nu avem posibilitatea de a alege intre tricoul merituos

over the non-virtuous one. So what would it take to do that?

si cel imoral. De ce ar fi nevoie ca sa facem asta?

Well, I've been thinking. For one thing,

Ei bine, m-am gandit. Si in primul rand,

there's a new electronic tagging technology that allows any store

exista o tehnologie noua de marcaj electronic care permite oricarui magazin

to know the entire history of any item on the shelves in that store.

sa afle intregul istoric al oricarui obiect de pe raftul magazinului.

You can track it back to the factory. Once you can track it

Poti sa il urmaresti pana la fabrica de unde provine. Odata ce il poti urmari

back to the factory, you can look at the manufacturing processes

pana la fabrica, poti analiza procesele de productie

that were used to make it, and if it's virtuous,

folosite pentru fabricare si, daca este corect,

you can label it that way. Or if it's not so virtuous,

il poti eticheta ca atare.Iar daca nu este chiar corect,

you can go into -- today, go into any store,

poti merge, chiar astazi, poti merge in orice magazin

put your scanner on a palm onto a barcode,

si scanand codul de bare

which will take you to a website.

vei ajunge pe un site web.

They have it for people with allergies to peanuts.

Site-ul a fost creat pentru oamenii alergici la alune.

That website could tell you things about that object.

Pe site poti gasi date despre obiectul respectiv.

In other words, at point of purchase,

Cu alte cuvinte, in momentul achizitiei,

we might be able to make a compassionate choice.

putem sa facem o alegere bazata pe compasiune.

There's a saying in the world of information science:

Exista o zicala in lumea informaticii:

ultimately everybody will know everything.

intr-un final toata lumea va stii tot.

And the question is: will it make a difference?

Intrebarea este: va face vreo diferenta?

Some time ago when I was working for The New York Times,

Cu ceva timp in urma, cand lucram pentru New York Times,

it was in the '80s, I did an article

era in anii '80, am scris un articol

on what was then a new problem in New York --

despre ceva ce atunci reprezenta o problema in New York:

it was homeless people on the streets.

oamenii fara adapost de pe strazi.

And I spent a couple of weeks going around with a social work agency

Am petrecut cateva saptamani pe teren cu o agentie de ajutor social

that ministered to the homeless. And I realized seeing the homeless

care avea grija de cei fara adapost. Am realizat privindu-i

through their eyes that almost all of them were psychiatric patients

prin ochii lor ca aproape toti erau pacienti de psihiatrie

that had nowhere to go. They had a diagnosis. It made me --

care nu aveau unde sa se duca. Erau diagnosticati.

what it did was to shake me out of the urban trance where,

Efectul asupra mea a fost sa ma scuture din transa urbana in care,

when we see, when we're passing someone who's homeless

atunci cand vedem in trecere un cersetor

in the periphery of our vision, it stays on the periphery.

cu coltul ochiului, ramane acolo, in zona periferica.

We don't notice and therefore we don't act.

Nu observam si in consecinta nu actionam.

One day soon after that -- it was a Friday -- at the end of the day,

Intr-o zi imediat urmatorare, era o vineri, la sfarsitul zilei,

I went down -- I was going down to the subway. It was rush hour

coboram spre metrou. Era ora de varf

and thousands of people were streaming down the stairs.

si mii de oameni se scurgeau pe scari.

And all of a sudden as I was going down the stairs

Din senin pe cand coboram scarile

I noticed that there was a man slumped to the side,

am observat ca era un om cazut intr-o parte

shirtless, not moving, and people were just stepping over him --

fara camasa, nu misca, iar oamenii treceau peste el,

hundreds and hundreds of people.

sute si sute de oameni.

And because my urban trance had been somehow weakened,

Pentru ca transa mea urbana fusese oarecum slabita

I found myself stopping to find out what was wrong.

m-am oprit sa vad ce se intamplase.

The moment I stopped, half a dozen other people

In momentul in care m-am oprit, jumatate de duzina de alti oameni

immediately ringed the same guy.

au sesizat imediat acelasi tip.

And we found out that he was Hispanic, he didn't speak any English,

Am aflat ca era hispanic, nu vorbea engleza deloc,

he had no money, he'd been wandering the streets for days, starving,

nu avea bani, bantuise pe strazi zile intregi, infometat,

and he'd fainted from hunger.

si lesinase de foame.

Immediately someone went to get orange juice,

Imediat cineva s-a dus sa ia suc de portocale,

someone brought a hotdog, someone brought a subway cop.

cineva a adus un hotdog, altcineva a chemat paza de la metrou.

This guy was back on his feet immediately.

Individul a fost imediat inapoi pe picioare.

But all it took was that simple act of noticing,

A fost necesar doar un simplu act de observare.

and so I'm optimistic.

Asa ca sunt optimist.

Thank you very much.

Multumesc foarte mult.

(Applause)

(Aplauze)