Kathryn Schulz: Don't regret regret

Prevoditelj: Katarina Smetko Recezent: Zlatko Smetisko

So that's Johnny Depp, of course.

Ovo je Johnny Depp, naravno.

And that's Johnny Depp's shoulder.

Ovo je rame Johnnyja Deppa.

And that's Johnny Depp's famous shoulder tattoo.

A ovo je poznata tetovaža na ramenu Johnnyja Deppa.

Some of you might know that, in 1990,

Neki od vas možda znaju da se 1990. godine

Depp got engaged to Winona Ryder,

Depp zaručio s Winonom Ryder

and he had tattooed on his right shoulder

i na desnom ramenu istetovirao

"Winona forever."

"Winona zauvijek".

And then three years later --

A onda, tri godine kasnije --

which in fairness, kind of is forever by Hollywood standards --

što i jest prava vječnost po holivudskim standardima --

they broke up,

prekinuli su

and Johnny went and got a little bit of repair work done.

i Johnny je otišao na mali popravak.

And now his shoulder says, "Wino forever."

Sad mu na ramenu piše "Wino zauvijek".

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So like Johnny Depp,

Kao Johnny Depp,

and like 25 percent of Americans

i kao i 25 posto Amerikanaca

between the ages of 16 and 50,

u dobi između 16 i 50 godina,

I have a tattoo.

i ja imam tetovažu.

I first started thinking about getting it in my mid-20s,

O tome sam počela razmišljati sredinom svojih 20-ih godina,

but I deliberately waited a really long time.

ali namjerno sam čekala vrlo dugo.

Because we all know people

Jer svi poznajemo nekoga

who have gotten tattoos when they were 17

tko si je dao napraviti tetovažu kad je imao 17 godina

or 19 or 23

ili 19 ili 23

and regretted it by the time they were 30.

i požalio to do svoje 30. godine.

That didn't happen to me.

Meni se to nije dogodilo.

I got my tattoo when I was 29,

Ja sam se tetovirala s 29 godina

and I regretted it instantly.

i požalila sam istog trena.

And by "regretted it,"

Kad kažem "požalila",

I mean that I stepped outside of the tattoo place --

mislim da sam izišla iz salona --

this is just a couple miles from here

tek nekoliko kilometara odavde,

down on the Lower East Side --

u četvrti Lower East Side --

and I had a massive emotional meltdown in broad daylight

i doživjela ogroman emocionalni slom usred bijela dana

on the corner of East Broadway and Canal Street.

na uglu ulica East Broadway i Canal Street.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Which is a great place to do it because nobody cares.

To je odlično mjesto za tako nešto jer nikoga nije briga.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And then I went home that night, and I had an even larger emotional meltdown,

Zatim sam otišla kući i doživjela još veći emocionalni slom,

which I'll say more about in a minute.

o čemu ću više reći za koji trenutak.

And this was all actually quite shocking to me,

To me zapravo prilično šokiralo

because prior to this moment,

jer sam se prije toga

I had prided myself

ponosila time

on having absolutely no regrets.

da apsolutno ni zbog čega ne žalim.

I made a lot of mistakes

Napravila sam mnogo pogrešaka

and dumb decisions, of course.

i donijela glupih odluka, naravno.

I do that hourly.

Stalno to radim.

But I had always felt like, look, you know,

Ali uvijek sam imala osjećaj da, čuj,

I made the best choice I could make

donijela sam najbolju odluku koju sam mogla

given who I was then,

s obzirom na to tko sam bila u tom trenu

given the information I had on hand.

i na informacije koje su mi bile dostupne.

I learned a lesson from it.

Nešto sam naučila iz toga.

It somehow got me to where I am in life right now.

To me nekako dovelo ovamo gdje se sada nalazim.

And okay, I wouldn't change it.

I u redu, ne bih to promijenila.

In other words, I had drunk our great cultural Kool-Aid about regret,

Drugim riječima, usvojila sam naš kulturološki stav o žaljenju,

which is that lamenting things that occurred in the past

a to je da je jadikovanje o stvarima iz prošlosti

is an absolute waste of time,

apsolutni gubitak vremena,

that we should always look forward and not backward,

da uvijek moramo gledati naprijed, a ne natrag

and that one of the noblest and best things we can do

i da je jedna od najboljih stvari koje možemo učiniti

is strive to live a life free of regrets.

to da živimo život bez žaljenja.

This idea is nicely captured by this quote:

Tu ideju lijepo obuhvaća ovaj citat:

"Things without all remedy

"Na stvari za koje nema lijeka

should be without regard;

ne trebamo obraćati pažnju;

what's done is done."

što je bilo, bilo je."

And it seems like kind of an admirable philosophy at first --

I to se isprva čini krasnom filozofijom,

something we might all agree to sign onto ...

nešto s čime se svi možemo složiti...

until I tell you who said it.

sve dok vam ne kažem tko je to rekao.

Right, so this is Lady MacBeth

Da, to je Lady MacBeth

basically telling her husband to stop being such a wuss

koja, u biti, govori svojem suprugu da prestane biti slabić

for feeling bad about murdering people.

i osjećati krivicu što je ubijao ljude.

And as it happens, Shakespeare was onto something here,

Ispada da je Shakespeare ovdje shvatio nešto veliko,

as he generally was.

kao i obično.

Because the inability to experience regret

Jer nesposobnost da se osjeti krivnja

is actually one of the diagnostic characteristics

zapravo je jedna od dijagnostičkih osobina

of sociopaths.

sociopata.

It's also, by the way, a characteristic of certain kinds of brain damage.

Karakteristična je i za neke vrste oštećenja mozga.

So people who have damage

Ljudi koji imaju oštećenja

to their orbital frontal cortex

na orbitofrontalnom korteksu

seem to be unable to feel regret

ne mogu osjetiti žaljenje

in the face of even obviously very poor decisions.

čak ni kad donesu očito vrlo loše odluke.

So if, in fact, you want to live a life free of regret,

Ako zaista želite živjeti život bez žaljenja,

there is an option open to you.

imate otvorenu mogućnost.

It's called a lobotomy.

Zove se lobotomija.

But if you want to be fully functional

Ali ako želite biti potpuno funkcionalni

and fully human

i potpuno ljudi

and fully humane,

i potpuno humani,

I think you need to learn to live, not without regret, but with it.

mislim da trebate naučiti živjeti ne bez žaljenja, već s njim,

So let's start off by defining some terms.

Počnimo s definicijama nekih termina.

What is regret?

Što je žaljenje?

Regret is the emotion we experience

Žaljenje je osjećaj koji doživljavamo

when we think that our present situation

kad mislimo da bi naša trenutna situacija

could be better or happier

mogla biti bolja ili sretnija

if we had done something different in the past.

da smo nešto učinili drugačije u prošlosti.

So in other words, regret requires two things.

Drugim riječima, za žaljenje su potrebne dvije stvari.

It requires, first of all, agency -- we had to make a decision in the first place.

Prvo je potrebno djelovanje - za početak smo morali donijeti neku odluku.

And second of all, it requires imagination.

Drugo, potrebno je zamišljanje.

We need to be able to imagine going back and making a different choice,

Moramo moći zamisliti kako se vraćamo i mijenjamo izbor,

and then we need to be able to kind of spool this imaginary record forward

i onda moramo moći ubrzati ovaj zamišljeni događaj

and imagine how things would be playing out in our present.

i zamisliti kako bi se stvari odvijale u sadašnjosti.

And in fact, the more we have of either of these things --

I zapravo, što više imamo ikoje od tih dviju stvari --

the more agency and the more imagination

što više djelovanja i što više zamišljanja

with respect to a given regret,

vezano za određenu stvar zbog koje žalimo,

the more acute that regret will be.

to će akutnije postati žaljenje.

So let's say for instance

Recimo, primjerice,

that you're on your way to your best friend's wedding

da ste na putu na vjenčanje najboljeg prijatelja

and you're trying to get to the airport and you're stuck in terrible traffic,

i pokušavate doći do aerodroma i zapeli ste u prometnoj gužvi,

and you finally arrive at your gate

i napokon stižete do svojeg ulaza,

and you've missed your flight.

ali propustili ste let.

You're going to experience more regret in that situation

U toj ćete situaciji više žaliti

if you missed your flight by three minutes

ako ste na let zakasnili tri minute

than if you missed it by 20.

nego ako ste zakasnili 20 minuta.

Why?

Zašto?

Well because, if you miss your flight by three minutes,

Zato što, ako na let zakasnite tri minute,

it is painfully easy to imagine

bolno je lako zamisliti

that you could have made different decisions

da ste mogli donijeti drugačije odluke,

that would have led to a better outcome.

koje bi dovele do boljeg rezultata.

"I should have taken the bridge and not the tunnel.

"Trebao sam ići preko mosta, a ne tunelom.

I should have gone through that yellow light."

Trebao sam proći na onom žutom svjetlu."

These are the classic conditions that create regret.

To su tipični uvjeti u kojima dolazi do žaljenja.

We feel regret when we think we are responsible

Osjećamo žaljenje kad mislimo da smo odgovorni

for a decision that came out badly,

za odluke koje su završile loše,

but almost came out well.

ali su zamalo završile dobro.

Now within that framework,

U tom okviru,

we can obviously experience regret about a lot of different things.

očito možemo osjetiti žaljenje zbog mnogo raznih stvari.

This session today is about behavioral economics.

Današnja je konferencija o bihevioralnoj ekonomiji.

And most of what we know about regret

Većina onoga što znamo o žaljenju

comes to us out of that domain.

dolazi iz tog područja.

We have a vast body of literature

Imamo mnogo literature

on consumer and financial decisions

o potrošačima i financijskim odlukama

and the regrets associated with them --

i žaljenju povezanom s njima --

buyer's remorse, basically.

kajanje kupca, u biti.

But then finally, it occurred to some researchers to step back

Ali na kraju, nekim je istraživačima sinulo da se malo odmaknu

and say, well okay, but overall,

i kažu, dobro, ali općenito,

what do we regret most in life?

zbog čega u životu najviše žalimo?

Here's what the answers turn out to look like.

Evo kakvi su ispali rezultati.

So top six regrets --

6 najčešćih žaljenja --

the things we regret most in life:

stvari zbog kojih najviše žalimo i životu:

Number one by far, education.

Uvjerljivo je na prvom mjestu obrazovanje.

33 percent of all of our regrets

33 posto svih stvari zbog kojih žalimo

pertain to decisions we made about education.

vezano je za naše odluke o obrazovanju.

We wish we'd gotten more of it.

Želimo da smo se više obrazovali.

We wish we'd taken better advantage of the education that we did have.

Želimo da smo bolje iskoristili obrazovanje koje jesmo primili.

We wish we'd chosen to study a different topic.

Želimo da smo studirali nešto drugo.

Others very high on our list of regrets

Druge stvari koje su visoko na popisu

include career, romance, parenting,

jesu karijera, ljubav, roditeljstvo,

various decisions and choices about our sense of self

razne odluke i izbori vezano za našu svijest o sebi

and how we spend our leisure time --

i o tome kako provodimo slobodno vrijeme --

or actually more specifically,

zapravo, konkretnije,

how we fail to spend our leisure time.

kako nismo uspjeli provesti slobodno vrijeme.

The remaining regrets

Žalimo još

pertain to these things:

i zbog ovih stvari:

finance, family issues unrelated to romance or parenting,

financija, obiteljskih pitanja nevezanih za ljubav i roditeljstvo,

health, friends,

zdravlja, prijatelja,

spirituality and community.

duhovnosti i zajednice.

So in other words, we know most of what we know about regret

Drugim riječima, većinu onoga što znamo o žaljenju

by the study of finance.

znamo iz proučavanja financija.

But it turns out, when you look overall at what people regret in life,

Ispada da, kad gledate zbog čega ljudi općenito žale u životu,

you know what, our financial decisions don't even rank.

naše financijske odluke ni ne ulaze na popis.

They account for less than three percent of our total regrets.

Na njih otpada manje od tri posto našeg ukupnog žaljenja.

So if you're sitting there stressing

Pa ako sjedite i živcirate se

about large cap versus small cap,

oko velike i male tržišne kapitalizacije,

or company A versus company B,

ili oko tvrtke A u odnosu na tvrtku B,

or should you buy the Subaru or the Prius,

ili oko toga je li bolje da kupite Subaru ili Prius,

you know what, let it go.

znate što, zaboravite to.

Odds are, you're not going to care in five years.

Za pet godina vjerojatno vas neće biti briga za to.

But for these things that we actually do really care about

Ali za stvari do kojih nam je stvarno stalo

and do experience profound regret around,

i zbog kojih duboko žalimo,

what does that experience feel like?

kakav je to osjećaj?

We all know the short answer.

Svi znamo kratak odgovor.

It feels terrible. Regret feels awful.

Osjećaj je strašan. Željenje je grozan osjećaj.

But it turns out that regret feels awful

Ali pokazalo se da je žaljenje grozan osjećaj

in four very specific and consistent ways.

na četiri vrlo konkretna i stalna načina.

So the first consistent component of regret

Prva stalna sastavnica žaljenja

is basically denial.

jest, u biti, poricanje.

When I went home that night after getting my tattoo,

Kad sam one večeri otišla kući nakon što sam se tetovirala,

I basically stayed up all night.

ostala sam budna cijelu noć.

And for the first several hours,

Prvih nekoliko sati

there was exactly one thought in my head.

imala sam samo jednu misao u glavi.

And the thought was,

A ta je misao bila:

"Make it go away!"

"Neka nestane!"

This is an unbelievably primitive emotional response.

To je nevjerojatno primitivna emocionalna reakcija.

I mean, it's right up there with, "I want my mommy!"

Negdje u rangu s: "Hoću svoju mamu!"

We're not trying to solve the problem.

Ne pokušavamo riješiti problem.

We're not trying to understand how the problem came about.

Ne pokušavamo shvatiti kako je došlo do problema.

We just want it to vanish.

Samo želimo da nestane.

The second characteristic component of regret

Druga tipična sastavnica željenja

is a sense of bewilderment.

jest osjećaj čuđenja.

So the other thing I thought about there in my bedroom that night

Druga stvar o kojoj sam te večeri razmišljala u svojoj sobi

was, "How could I have done that?

bila je: "Kako sam to mogla učiniti?

What was I thinking?"

Gdje mi je pamet bila?"

This real sense of alienation

Taj stvarni osjećaj otuđenja

from the part of us that made a decision we regret.

od onog dijela nas koji je donio odluku zbog koje žalimo.

We can't identify with that part.

Ne možemo se identificirati s tim dijelom.

We don't understand that part.

Ne razumijemo taj dio.

And we certainly don't have any empathy for that part --

I svakako ne suosjećamo s tim dijelom --

which explains the third consistent component of regret,

što objašnjava treću stalnu sastavnicu žaljenja,

which is an intense desire to punish ourselves.

a to je snažna želja da se kaznimo.

That's why, in the face of our regret,

Zato, kad doživljavamo žaljenje,

the thing we consistently say is, "I could have kicked myself."

stalno govorimo: "Najradije bih se ošamarila."

The fourth component here

Četvrta je sastavnica

is that regret is what psychologists call perseverative.

to da je žaljenje, kako psiholozi kažu, ustrajno.

To perseverate means to focus obsessively and repeatedly

Ustrajati znači opsesivno i opetovano se usredotočiti

on the exact same thing.

na jednu jedinu stvar.

Now the effect of perseveration

Rezulat ustrajnosti

is to basically take these first three components of regret

jest da se uzmu prve tri sastavnice žaljenja

and put them on an infinite loop.

i stave u beskonačnu petlju.

So it's not that I sat there in my bedroom that night,

Znači, nije da sam te večeri sjedila u svojoj sobi

thinking, "Make it go away."

i mislila: "Neka nestane."

It's that I sat there and I thought,

Ne, sjedila sam ondje i mislila:

"Make it go away. Make it go away.

"Neka nestane. Neka nestane.

Make it go away. Make it go away."

Neka nestane. Neka nestane."

So if you look at the psychological literature,

U literaturi iz psihologije stoji

these are the four consistent defining components of regret.

da su to četiri stalne sastavnice koje definiraju žaljenje.

But I want to suggest that there's also a fifth one.

No, smatram da postoji i peta sastavnica.

And I think of this

Smatram to nekom vrstom

as a kind of existential wake-up call.

egzistencijalnog poziva na uzbunu.

That night in my apartment,

Te noći u svojem stanu,

after I got done kicking myself and so forth,

nakon što sam se išamarala i sve ostalo,

I lay in bed for a long time,

dugo sam ležala u krevetu

and I thought about skin grafts.

i razmišljala o presađivanju kože.

And then I thought about how,

Zatim sam razmišljala kako,

much as travel insurance doesn't cover acts of God,

kao što putno osiguranje ne pokriva višu silu,

probably my health insurance did not cover acts of idiocy.

vjerojatno ni moje zdravstveno ne pokriva idiotsku silu.

In point of fact, no insurance covers acts of idiocy.

Zapravo ni jedno osiguranje ne pokriva idiotsku silu.

The whole point of acts of idiocy

Cijela poanta idiotske sile

is that they leave you totally uninsured;

jesta da vas ostavlja potpuno neosigurane.

they leave you exposed to the world

Ostavlja vas izložene svijetu

and exposed to your own vulnerability and fallibility

i vlastitoj ranjivosti i pogrešivosti,

in face of, frankly, a fairly indifferent universe.

i to u, iskreno, vrlo nezainteresiranom svemiru.

This is obviously an incredibly painful experience.

To je očito nevjerojatno bolno iskustvo.

And I think it's particularly painful for us now in the West

Mislim da je naročito bolno nama na Zapadu,

in the grips of what I sometimes think of

uhvaćenima u nešto što ponekad liči

as a Control-Z culture --

na kulturu "Ctrl + Z" --

Control-Z like the computer command,

u smislu kompjutorske naredbe,

undo.

"undo" - poništi.

We're incredibly used to not having to face

Nevjerojatno smo naviknuti da se ne moramo suočiti

life's hard realities, in a certain sense.

s okrutnom stvarnošću života, na neki način.

We think we can throw money at the problem

Mislimo da problem možemo riješiti novcem

or throw technology at the problem --

ili tehnologijom --

we can undo and unfriend

možemo poništiti i izbaciti iz prijatelja

and unfollow.

i prestati pratiti.

And the problem is that there are certain things that happen in life

Problem je što se u životu događaju određene stvari

that we desperately want to change

koje očajno želimo promijeniti,

and we cannot.

ali ne možemo.

Sometimes instead of Control-Z,

Ponekad umjesto Ctrl + Z

we actually have zero control.

zapravo uopće nemamo kontrolu.

And for those of us who are control freaks and perfectionists --

A onima od nas koji kontrol frikovi i perfekcionisti --

and I know where of I speak --

a znam o kome govorim --

this is really hard,

to je vrlo teško

because we want to do everything ourselves and we want to do it right.

jer sve želimo učiniti sami i želimo to učiniti kako treba.

Now there is a case to be made

Ima nešto u tome

that control freaks and perfectionists should not get tattoos,

da se kontrol frikovi i perfekcionisti ne bi trebali tetovirati

and I'm going to return to that point in a few minutes.

i vratit ću se na to za nekoliko minuta.

But first I want to say

Ali prvo želim reći

that the intensity and persistence

da će se intenzitet i upornost

with which we experience these emotional components of regret

kojima doživljavamo te emocionalne sastavnice žaljenja

is obviously going to vary

očito mijenjati

depending on the specific thing that we're feeling regretful about.

ovisno o konkretnoj stvari zbog koje osjećamo žaljenje.

So for instance, here's one of my favorite

Primjerice, ovo je jedan od mojih omiljenih

automatic generators of regret in modern life.

automatskih uzročnika željenja modernog doba.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Text: Relpy to all.

Tekst: Odgovori svima.

And the amazing thing

Ono što me zadivljuje

about this really insidious technological innovation

u vezi s ovom zaista opasnom tehnološkom inovacijom

is that even just with this one thing,

jest da čak i samo zbog te jedne stvari

we can experience a huge range of regret.

možemo osjetiti ogromno žaljenje.

You can accidentally hit "reply all" to an email

Možete slučajno kliknuti na "odgovori svima" na email

and torpedo a relationship.

i uništiti nekome vezu.

Or you can just have an incredibly embarrassing day at work.

Ili samo imati nevjerojatno neugodan dan na poslu.

Or you can have your last day at work.

Ili imati posljednji dan na poslu.

And this doesn't even touch

A još nismo ni došli

on the really profound regrets of a life.

do zaista dubokog žaljenja.

Because of course, sometimes we do make decisions

Jer naravno, ponekad zaista donosimo odluke

that have irrevocable and terrible consequences,

koje imaju nepovratne i strašne posljedice,

either for our own or for other people's

bilo za naše ili tuđe

health and happiness and livelihoods,

zdravlje, sreću i sredstva za život,

and in the very worst case scenario, even their lives.

a u najgorem slučaju, čak i za tuđe živote.

Now obviously, those kinds of regrets

Naravno, takvo je žaljenje

are incredibly piercing and enduring.

nevjerojatno bolno i teško za trpjeti.

I mean, even the stupid "reply all" regrets

Mislim, čak i zbog glupog "odgovaranja svima"

can leave us in a fit of excruciating agony for days.

možemo danima žaliti i biti u agoniji.

So how are we supposed to live with this?

I kako da onda živimo s tim?

I want to suggest that there's three things

Smatram da postoje tri stvari

that help us to make our peace with regret.

koje nam pomažu da se pomirimo sa žaljenjem.

And the first of these

Prva od njih

is to take some comfort in its universality.

jest da se utješimo univerzalnošću.

If you Google regret and tattoo,

Ako proguglate žaljenje i tetovaže,

you will get 11.5 million hits.

dobit ćete 11,5 milijuna rezultata.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

The FDA estimates

Uprava za hranu i lijekove procjenjuje

that of all the Americans who have tattoos,

da od svih Amerikanaca koji imaju tetovaže,

17 percent of us regret getting them.

nas 17 posto žali što ih je dalo napraviti.

That is Johnny Depp and me

To smo Johnny Depp i ja

and our seven million friends.

i naših sedam milijuna prijatelja.

And that's just regret about tattoos.

A to je samo žaljenje zbog tetovaža.

We are all in this together.

Svi smo u tome zajedno.

The second way that we can help make our peace with regret

Drugi način na koji se možemo nositi sa žaljenjem

is to laugh at ourselves.

jest da se smijemo samima sebi.

Now in my case, this really wasn't a problem,

U mojem slučaju to i nije bio problem

because it's actually very easy to laugh at yourself

jer je zapravo vrlo lako smijati se sam sebi

when you're 29 years old and you want your mommy

kad imaš 29 godina i hoćeš svoju mamu

because you don't like your new tattoo.

jer ti se ne sviđa tvoja nova tetovaža.

But it might seem like a kind of cruel or glib suggestion

No, to može biti okrutan i površan prijedlog

when it comes to these more profound regrets.

kad se radi o većem, dubljem žaljenju.

I don't think that's the case though.

No, ne mislim da je to tako.

All of us who've experienced regret

Svi mi koji smo iskusili žaljenje

that contains real pain and real grief

s pravom boli i pravom tugom

understand that humor and even black humor

razumijemo da humor i čak i crni humor

plays a crucial role in helping us survive.

imaju ključnu ulogu u našem preživljavanju.

It connects the poles of our lives back together,

Pomažu nam da ponovno pohvatamo konce života,

the positive and the negative,

i pozitivne i negativne,

and it sends a little current of life back into us.

i ponovno pomalo vraća život u nas.

The third way that I think we can help make our peace with regret

Treći način na koji mislim da se možemo nositi sa žaljenjem

is through the passage of time,

jest kroz tijek vremena,

which, as we know, heals all wounds --

koje, kao što znamo, liječi sve rane --

except for tattoos, which are permanent.

osim tetovaža, koje su trajne.

So it's been several years

Prošlo je nekoliko godina

since I got my own tattoo.

otkad sam se tetovirala.

And do you guys just want to see it?

Želite li vidjeti tetovažu?

All right.

U redu.

Actually, you know what, I should warn you,

Zapravo, znate što, moram vas upozoriti,

you're going to be disappointed.

bit ćete razočarani.

Because it's actually not that hideous.

Jer zapravo uopće nije toliko ružna.

I didn't tattoo Marilyn Manson's face

Nisam istetovirala lice Marilyna Mansona

on some indiscreet part of myself or something.

na nekom nepristojnom dijelu tijela ili tako nešto.

When other people see my tattoo,

Kad drugi ljudi vide moju tetovažu,

for the most part they like how it looks.

uglavnom im se sviđa kako izgleda.

It's just that I don't like how it looks.

Ali stvar je u tome da se meni ne sviđa.

And as I said earlier, I'm a perfectionist.

A, kao što sam ranije rekla, ja sam perfekcionist.

But I'll let you see it anyway.

Ali ipak ću vam je pokazati.

This is my tattoo.

Ovo je moja tetovaža.

I can guess what some of you are thinking.

Pogađam što neki od vas misle.

So let me reassure you about something.

Budite uvjereni u jedno.

Some of your own regrets

Neke od stvari zbog kojih žalite

are also not as ugly as you think they are.

također nisu toliko ružne koliko vi to mislite.

I got this tattoo

Dala sam napraviti ovu tetovažu

because I spent most of my 20s

jer sam većinu svojih 20-ih godina

living outside the country and traveling.

živjela u inozemstvu i putovala.

And when I came and settled in New York afterward,

Kad sam se vratila živjeti u New York nakon toga,

I was worried that I would forget

bojala sam se da ću zaboraviti

some of the most important lessons that I learned during that time.

neke od najvažnijih stvari koje sam naučila tijekom tog vremena.

Specifically the two things I learned about myself

Konkretno, dvije stvari koje sam naučila o sebi

that I most didn't want to forget

i koje pogotovo nisam htjela zaboraviti

was how important it felt to keep exploring

bile su koliko je važno nastaviti istraživati

and, simultaneously, how important it is

i, istovremeno, koliko je važno

to somehow keep an eye on your own true north.

nekako paziti na svoj vlastiti pravi sjever.

And what I loved about this image of the compass

Ono što mi se svidjelo na ovom kompasu

was that I felt like it encapsulated both of these ideas

bilo je to što je obuhvaćao te obje ideje

in one simple image.

u jednoj jednostavnoj slici.

And I thought it might serve as a kind of permanent mnemonic device.

Mislila sam da bi mi mogao služiti kao trajni podsjetnik.

Well it did.

Pa, i služio je.

But it turns out, it doesn't remind me of the thing I thought it would;

Ali na kraju me ne podsjeća na ono što sam mislila.

it reminds me constantly of something else instead.

Umjesto toga, podsjeća me na nešto drugo.

It actually reminds me

Zapravo me podsjeća

of the most important lesson regret can teach us,

na najvažniju stvar koju možemo naučiti iz žaljenja,

which is also one of the most important lessons life teaches us.

a koja je jedna od najvažnijih stvari koje nas i život nauči.

And ironically, I think it's probably the single most important thing

Ironično, mislim da je to vjerojatno najvažnija stvar

I possibly could have tattooed onto my body --

koju sam uopće mogla istetovirati na svoje tijelo --

partly as a writer,

djelomično kao spisateljica,

but also just as a human being.

ali isto tako i kao ljudsko biće.

Here's the thing,

Evo u čemu je stvar.

if we have goals

Ako imamo ciljeve

and dreams,

i snove

and we want to do our best,

i želimo dati sve od sebe

and if we love people

i ako volimo ljude

and we don't want to hurt them or lose them,

i ne želimo ih povrijediti ni izgubiti,

we should feel pain when things go wrong.

trebamo osjećati bol kad stvari pođu po zlu.

The point isn't to live without any regrets.

Nije poanta u tome da živimo život bez žaljenja.

The point is to not hate ourselves for having them.

Poanta je da ne mrzimo sebe zbog toga.

The lesson that I ultimately learned from my tattoo

Ono što sam na kraju naučila iz svoje tetovaže

and that I want to leave you with today

i ono što vam danas želim poručiti

is this:

jest ovo:

We need to learn to love

moramo naučiti voljeti

the flawed, imperfect things

nesavršene, pogrešne stvari

that we create

koje radimo

and to forgive ourselves for creating them.

i oprostiti sami sebi što smo ih napravili.

Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly.

Žaljenje nas ne podsjeća da smo učinili nešto loše.

It reminds us that we know we can do better.

Podsjeća nas da znamo da možemo bolje.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)