Kathryn Schulz: Don't regret regret

475,275 views ใƒป 2011-12-02

TED


์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Poram Lee ๊ฒ€ํ† : Kyo young Chu
00:15
So that's Johnny Depp, of course.
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์ด ์‚ฌ์ง„์€ ๋ฌผ๋ก  ์กฐ๋‹ˆ ๋Ž์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
00:19
And that's Johnny Depp's shoulder.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด๊ฑด ์กฐ๋‹ˆ ๋Ž์˜ ์–ด๊นจ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
00:22
And that's Johnny Depp's famous shoulder tattoo.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด๊ฑด ์กฐ๋‹ˆ ๋Ž์˜ ์œ ๋ช…ํ•œ ์–ด๊นจ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
00:26
Some of you might know that, in 1990,
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„ ์ค‘ ๋ช‡ ๋ถ„์€ 1990๋…„์— ์กฐ๋‹ˆ ๋Ž์ด
00:28
Depp got engaged to Winona Ryder,
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์œ„๋…ธ๋‚˜ ๋ผ์ด๋”์™€ ์•ฝํ˜ผํ–ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๊ณผ
00:30
and he had tattooed on his right shoulder
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์ž์‹ ์˜ ์–ด๊นจ์— '์˜์›ํžˆ ์œ„๋…ธ๋‚˜'๋ผ๊ณ 
00:32
"Winona forever."
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๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ์ƒˆ๊ธด ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
00:35
And then three years later --
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ํ• ๋ฆฌ์šฐ๋“œ ๊ธฐ์ค€์œผ๋กœ๋Š”
00:37
which in fairness, kind of is forever by Hollywood standards --
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์˜์›์ด๋ผ๊ณ ๋„ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” 3๋…„ ํ›„์—
00:40
they broke up,
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๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๊ฐˆ๋ผ์„ฐ๊ณ 
00:42
and Johnny went and got a little bit of repair work done.
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์กฐ๋‹ˆ ๋Ž์€ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ๊ณ ์ณค์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
00:44
And now his shoulder says, "Wino forever."
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์ง€๊ธˆ์€ ๊ทธ์˜ ์–ด๊นจ์— '์™€์ด๋…ธ๋กœ ํ‰์ƒ์„'์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์“ฐ์—ฌ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
00:48
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ) [์—ญ: ์™€์ด๋…ธ(Wino) = ์™€์ธ์• ํ˜ธ๊ฐ€]
00:51
So like Johnny Depp,
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์กฐ๋‹ˆ ๋Ž์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ
00:53
and like 25 percent of Americans
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  16์„ธ์—์„œ 50์„ธ ์‚ฌ์ด
00:55
between the ages of 16 and 50,
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25%์˜ ๋ฏธ๊ตญ์ธ๊ณผ ๊ฐ™์ด, ์ € ๋˜ํ•œ
00:59
I have a tattoo.
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๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ํ•˜๋‚˜ ๊ฐ–๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:02
I first started thinking about getting it in my mid-20s,
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ํ•œ 20๋Œ€ ์ค‘๋ฐ˜์ผ ๋•Œ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ํ•˜๋‚˜ ํ• ๊นŒ ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
01:05
but I deliberately waited a really long time.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ผ๋ถ€๋Ÿฌ ์ •๋ง ์˜ค๋ž˜ ๊ธฐ๋‹ค๋ ธ์ฃ 
01:08
Because we all know people
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” 17์‚ด ๋•Œ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ์ƒˆ๊ธด
01:10
who have gotten tattoos when they were 17
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๋˜๋Š” 19์‚ด ํ˜น์€ 23์‚ด ๋•Œ ์ƒˆ๊ธด ์ด๋“ค์ด
01:12
or 19 or 23
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๋ชจ๋‘ ์„œ๋ฅธ ์‚ด ์ฆˆ์Œ์— ๊ทธ ์ผ์„
01:14
and regretted it by the time they were 30.
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ํ›„ํšŒํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ 
01:18
That didn't happen to me.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์ผ์€ ์ œ๊ฒŒ ์ผ์–ด๋‚˜์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
01:21
I got my tattoo when I was 29,
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์ „ ์ œ ์ฒซ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ 29์‚ด ๋•Œ ํ–ˆ๊ณ 
01:24
and I regretted it instantly.
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์ €๋Š” ํ•˜์ž๋งˆ์ž ๋ฐ”๋กœ ํ›„ํšŒํ–ˆ์ฃ 
01:27
And by "regretted it,"
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ 'ํ›„ํšŒํ–ˆ'๋Š”๊ฐ€ ํ•˜๋ฉด
01:29
I mean that I stepped outside of the tattoo place --
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์ด๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋ช‡ ๋งˆ์ผ ๋–จ์–ด์ง„ ๋กœ์–ด์ด์ŠคํŠธ์‚ฌ์ด๋“œ ์•„๋ž˜์ชฝ,
01:32
this is just a couple miles from here
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[์—ญ: ๋‰ด์š•์— ๋ฌธ์‹ , ํ”ผ์–ด์‹ฑ ๊ด€๋ จ ๊ฐ€๊ฒŒ๊ฐ€ ๋งŽ์€ ๊ณณ]
01:34
down on the Lower East Side --
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๋ฌธ์‹  ๊ฐ€๊ฒŒ๋ฅผ ๋‚˜์„œ์ž๋งˆ์ž,
01:36
and I had a massive emotional meltdown in broad daylight
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๋ฐ์€ ๋Œ€๋‚ฎ์— ๋ธŒ๋กœ๋“œ์›จ์ด์™€ ์ปค๋„ ๊ฑฐ๋ฆฌ, ๊ธธ ํ•œ๊ฐ€์šด๋ฐ
01:39
on the corner of East Broadway and Canal Street.
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๊ฐ์ •์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ฃผ์ €์•‰์•„๋ฒ„๋ฆฐ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
01:41
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
01:43
Which is a great place to do it because nobody cares.
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์•„๋ฌด๋„ ์‹ ๊ฒฝ ์“ฐ์ง€ ์•Š์•„์„œ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๊ธฐ์— ๋งค์šฐ ์ข‹์€ ์žฅ์†Œ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
01:45
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
01:47
And then I went home that night, and I had an even larger emotional meltdown,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋‚  ๋ฐค ์ง‘์œผ๋กœ ๊ฐ€์„œ, ์‹ฌ์ง€์–ด ๋” ํฐ ์ •์‹ ์  ๋ถ•๊ดด๋ฅผ ๋งž์ดํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
01:50
which I'll say more about in a minute.
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์ž ์‹œ ํ›„์— ๊ทธ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋” ์ž์„ธํžˆ ๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
01:53
And this was all actually quite shocking to me,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ด ์ œ๊ฒŒ ๊ฝค ์ถฉ๊ฒฉ์ ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
01:55
because prior to this moment,
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์ด ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ์ง์ „๊นŒ์ง€๋Š” ๊ทธ๋™์•ˆ
01:57
I had prided myself
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ํ›„ํšŒ๊ฐ€ ์ „ํ˜€ ์—†์—ˆ๋˜ ์ € ์ž์‹ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด์„œ
01:59
on having absolutely no regrets.
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์ƒ๋‹นํžˆ ์ž๋ž‘์Šค๋Ÿฌ์›Œ ํ–ˆ์—ˆ๊ฑฐ๋“ ์š”
02:01
I made a lot of mistakes
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๋ฌผ๋ก  ์ €๋„ ์‹ค์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ๋งŽ์ด ํ–ˆ๊ณ 
02:03
and dumb decisions, of course.
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์–ด๋ฆฌ์„์€ ๊ฒฐ์ •๋„ ๋งŽ์ด ํ–ˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
02:05
I do that hourly.
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๋งค ์‹œ๊ฐ„ ํ•˜์ฃ 
02:07
But I had always felt like, look, you know,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ๋Ÿด ๋•Œ๋งˆ๋‹ค '๋ด๋ด, ๊ทธ ๋‹น์‹œ์˜
02:10
I made the best choice I could make
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๋‚˜๋กœ์„œ๋Š” ๊ฐ€์ง„ ์ •๋ณด ๋‚ด์—์„œ
02:12
given who I was then,
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์ตœ์„ ์˜ ์„ ํƒ์„ ํ•ด์™”์–ด.'๋ผ๊ณ 
02:14
given the information I had on hand.
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๋Š๊ปด์™”๋˜ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
02:16
I learned a lesson from it.
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'๊ทธ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๊ตํ›ˆ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋ฅผ ๋ฐฐ์› ๊ณ 
02:18
It somehow got me to where I am in life right now.
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๊ทธ ์ผ์ด ์žˆ์Œ์œผ๋กœ์จ ํ˜„์žฌ์˜ ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์œผ๋‹ˆ
02:20
And okay, I wouldn't change it.
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๋ญ ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•„. ๊ตณ์ด ๊ทธ๊ฑธ ๋ฐ”๊พธ์ง€๋Š” ์•Š์„๋ž˜.'
02:25
In other words, I had drunk our great cultural Kool-Aid about regret,
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๋‹ค์‹œ ๋งํ•ด์„œ,ํ›„ํšŒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์‚ฌํšŒ์ ์ธ ๊ด€๋…์— ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ์ทจํ•ด์žˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
02:29
which is that lamenting things that occurred in the past
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๊ณผ๊ฑฐ์— ์ด๋ฏธ ์ผ์–ด๋‚œ ์ผ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด์„œ ๋น„ํ†ตํ•ด ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€
02:32
is an absolute waste of time,
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์ ˆ๋Œ€์ ์ธ ์‹œ๊ฐ„ ๋‚ญ๋น„๋ผ๋Š” ํ†ต๋… ๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
02:34
that we should always look forward and not backward,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋’ค๋Œ์•„ ๋ณด์ง€ ์•Š๊ณ  ํ•ญ์ƒ ์•ž๋งŒ ๋ณด๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์•ผ ํ•˜๋ฉฐ,
02:37
and that one of the noblest and best things we can do
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ€์žฅ ๊ณ ๊ท€ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ตœ์ƒ์˜ ์ผ์€
02:39
is strive to live a life free of regrets.
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ํ›„ํšŒ ์—†๋Š” ์‚ถ์„ ์‚ฌ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด๋ผ๋Š” ํ†ต๋…๋“ค ๋ง์ด์ฃ 
02:42
This idea is nicely captured by this quote:
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์ด ์•„์ด๋””์–ด๋Š” ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋งํ•  ์ธ์šฉ๊ตฌ์— ๊ณ ์Šค๋ž€ํžˆ ์ž˜ ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜์ฃ .
02:45
"Things without all remedy
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"๋ชจ๋“  ํ•ด๊ฒฐ์ฑ…์ด ์—†๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์€
02:47
should be without regard;
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์ƒ๊ด€์น˜ ๋ง์•„์•ผ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
02:50
what's done is done."
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์ €์งˆ๋Ÿฌ์ง„ ์ผ์€ ์ด๋ฏธ ์ €์งˆ๋Ÿฌ์ง„ ๊ฑฐ์—์š”"
02:52
And it seems like kind of an admirable philosophy at first --
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ฒ˜์Œ ๋“ค์œผ๋ฉด ๊ฐํƒ„ํ• ๋งŒํ•œ ์ฒ ํ•™์˜ ํ•œ ์ข…๋ฅ˜,
02:55
something we might all agree to sign onto ...
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์ฆ‰, ๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€ ๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๋™์˜ํ•  ๋งŒํ•œ ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์ง€์š”
02:58
until I tell you who said it.
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์ € ๋ง์„ ๋ˆ„๊ฐ€ ํ–ˆ๋Š”์ง€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ฐํžˆ์ง€๋งŒ ์•Š๋Š”๋‹ค๋ฉด์š”
03:02
Right, so this is Lady MacBeth
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๋งž์•„์š”, ์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ๋ ˆ์ด๋”” ๋งฅ๋ฒ ์Šค๊ฐ€ ํ•œ ๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:04
basically telling her husband to stop being such a wuss
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๋ณธ์งˆ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๊ทธ๋…€์˜ ๋‚จํŽธ์—๊ฒŒ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์ฃฝ์ธ ๊ฑธ๋กœ ๊ฒ์Ÿ์ด์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ
03:07
for feeling bad about murdering people.
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์†Œ์‹ฌํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์žˆ์ง€ ๋ง๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ  [์—ญ: ๋ ˆ์ด๋”” ๋งฅ๋ฒ ์Šค๋Š” ๋‚จํŽธ์„ ๋ถ€์ถ”๊ฒจ ์™•์„ ์ฃฝ์ด๊ฒŒ ํ•œ๋‹ค. ๋ณธ์ธ์€ ํ›„์— ์ž์‚ด๋กœ ์ƒ์„ ๋งˆ๊ฐํ•จ.]
03:10
And as it happens, Shakespeare was onto something here,
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์ด ์žฅ๋ฉด์—์„œ, ์…ฐ์ต์Šคํ”ผ์–ด๋Š” ๊ทธ๊ฐ€ ๋Š˜ ๊ทธ๋ž˜ ์™”๋“ฏ์ด
03:13
as he generally was.
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๋ญ”๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๊ฐ์ง€ํ•œ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:15
Because the inability to experience regret
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ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ๋Š๋ผ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€
03:18
is actually one of the diagnostic characteristics
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์‹ค์ œ๋กœ ๋ฐ˜์‚ฌํšŒ์  ์ธ๊ฒฉ ์žฅ์• ์˜
03:20
of sociopaths.
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์ง„๋‹จ ํŠน์„ฑ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:23
It's also, by the way, a characteristic of certain kinds of brain damage.
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๋˜ํ•œ, ํŠน์ • ๋‡Œ ์†์ƒ์˜ ํŠน์„ฑ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:26
So people who have damage
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๋‡Œ์˜ ์•ˆ์™€ ์ „๋‘ ํ”ผ์งˆ์—
03:28
to their orbital frontal cortex
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์ƒ์ฒ˜๋ฅผ ์ž…์€ ํ™˜์ž๋Š”
03:30
seem to be unable to feel regret
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ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ๋Š๋ผ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์œผ๋กœ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:32
in the face of even obviously very poor decisions.
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๋ถ„๋ช…ํžˆ ๋งค์šฐ ์•ˆ ์ข‹์€ ๊ฒฐ์ •์„ ๋‚ด๋ฆฐ ๊ฒฝ์šฐ์— ์กฐ์ฐจ๋„ ๋ง์ด์ฃ 
03:36
So if, in fact, you want to live a life free of regret,
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ, ์‹ค์ œ๋กœ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ํ›„ํšŒ ์—†๋Š” ์‚ถ์„ ์‚ด๊ณ  ์‹ถ๋‹ค๋ฉด
03:38
there is an option open to you.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์—๊ฒŒ ์—ด๋ ค์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:41
It's called a lobotomy.
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์ „๋‘์—ฝ ๋ฐฑ์งˆ ์ ˆ์ œ์ˆ ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถˆ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ . [์—ญ: ๋‡Œ ์ผ๋ถ€๋ฅผ ์ œ๊ฑฐํ•˜๋Š” ์ˆ˜์ˆ . ์ธ๊ฒฉ๋ณ€ํ™” ๋“ฑ์˜ ๋ถ€์ž‘์šฉ์œผ๋กœ ํ˜„์žฌ๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์˜ ์‹œํ–‰๋˜์ง€ ์•Š์Œ]
03:44
But if you want to be fully functional
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์™„์ „ํžˆ ๊ธฐ๋Šฅํ•˜๊ณ 
03:46
and fully human
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์˜จ์ „ํ•œ ์ธ๊ฐ„์ด๋ฉฐ
03:48
and fully humane,
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์˜จ๊ฑดํžˆ ์ธ๊ฐ„์ ์ด๊ณ ์ž ํ•œ๋‹ค๋ฉด ์ „ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด
03:51
I think you need to learn to live, not without regret, but with it.
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ํ›„ํšŒ '์—†์ด' ์‚ฌ๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ '์žˆ์ด' ์‚ฌ๋Š” ๋ฒ•์„ ๋ฐฐ์›Œ์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:54
So let's start off by defining some terms.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿผ ๋ช‡ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์šฉ์–ด๋ฅผ ์ •์˜ํ•˜๋ฉฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•ด๋ด…์‹œ๋‹ค
03:56
What is regret?
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ํ›„ํšŒํ•œ ๋ฌด์—‡์ผ๊นŒ์š”?
03:58
Regret is the emotion we experience
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ํ›„ํšŒ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฐ์ •์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:00
when we think that our present situation
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ํ˜„์žฌ ์ƒํ™ฉ์ด ์ข€ ๋” ๋‚ซ๊ณ 
04:02
could be better or happier
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ํ–‰๋ณตํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์—ˆ์„ ๊ฑฐ๋กœ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•  ๋•Œ ๋Š๋ผ์ฃ 
04:04
if we had done something different in the past.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ณผ๊ฑฐ์— ๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋‹ค๋ฅด๊ฒŒ ํ–ˆ๋‹ค๋ฉด์ด๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฐ€์ •์—์„œ์š”
04:06
So in other words, regret requires two things.
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๋‹ฌ๋ฆฌ ๋งํ•˜๋ฉด, ํ›„ํšŒ์—๋Š” ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ฐ€ ํ•„์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:08
It requires, first of all, agency -- we had to make a decision in the first place.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์šฐ์„ , ์ฃผ์ฒด๊ฐ€ ํ•„์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ผ๋‹จ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ญ”๊ฐ€ ๊ฒฐ์ •์„ ๋‚ด๋ ค์•ผ ํ•˜์ฃ 
04:11
And second of all, it requires imagination.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋กœ๋Š”, ์ƒ์ƒ๋ ฅ์ด ํ•„์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:14
We need to be able to imagine going back and making a different choice,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ณผ๊ฑฐ๋กœ ๊ฐ€์„œ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์„ ํƒ์„ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ๋ฅผ ์ƒ์ƒํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์–ด์•ผ์ฃ 
04:17
and then we need to be able to kind of spool this imaginary record forward
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ๋Š” ์ด ๊ฐ€์ƒ์˜ ๊ฒฐ์ •์„ ์•ž์œผ๋กœ ํ’€์–ด๋‚˜๊ฐ€ ์ผ์ด
04:20
and imagine how things would be playing out in our present.
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์ „๊ฐœ๋˜๋ฉด ํ˜„์žฌ ์–ด๋–ค ์ƒํ™ฉ์ด ๋˜์–ด ์žˆ์„ ์ง€๋ฅผ ์ƒ์ƒํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์–ด์•ผ์ฃ 
04:24
And in fact, the more we have of either of these things --
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์‚ฌ์‹ค, ์ด์ค‘ ์–ด๋Š ํ•˜๋‚˜๋ฅผ ๋” ๋งŽ์ด ๊ฐ€์ง€๋ฉด ๊ฐ€์งˆ์ˆ˜๋ก
04:26
the more agency and the more imagination
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๋” ๋งŽ์€ ์„ ํƒ(์ฃผ์ฒด)๋‚˜ ๋” ๋งŽ์€ ์ƒ์ƒ๋ ฅ,
04:29
with respect to a given regret,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ฃผ์–ด์ง„ ํ›„ํšŒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์กด์ค‘์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋ฉด,
04:31
the more acute that regret will be.
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๊ทธ ํ›„ํšŒ๋Š” ์ข€ ๋” ์ •ํ™•ํ•˜๊ฒ ์ฃ 
04:34
So let's say for instance
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆ ์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋‚˜ ๋“ค์–ด๋ณด์ž๋ฉด
04:36
that you're on your way to your best friend's wedding
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์นœํ•œ ์นœ๊ตฌ์˜ ๊ฒฐํ˜ผ์‹์— ๊ฐ€๋Š” ๊ธธ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•ฉ์‹œ๋‹ค
04:38
and you're trying to get to the airport and you're stuck in terrible traffic,
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์€ ๊ณตํ•ญ์— ๊ฐ€๋Š”๋ฐ ์—„์ฒญ๋‚œ ๊ตํ†ต ์ฒด์ฆ์— ๋„๋กœ์—์„œ ๊ผผ์ง ๋ชปํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ด๋ด…์‹œ๋‹ค
04:41
and you finally arrive at your gate
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๊ฒจ์šฐ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ๊ณตํ•ญ ๊ฒŒ์ดํŠธ์— ๋„์ฐฉํ–ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ
04:43
and you've missed your flight.
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๋น„ํ–‰๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋†“์นœ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:45
You're going to experience more regret in that situation
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๋งŒ์•ฝ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด 3๋ถ„ ์ฐจ๋กœ ๋น„ํ–‰๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋†“์ณค๋‹ค๋ฉด
04:47
if you missed your flight by three minutes
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์ƒํ™ฉ์—์„œ๋Š” 20๋ถ„ ์ฐจ์ด๋กœ ๋†“์นœ ๊ฒฝ์šฐ๋ณด๋‹ค
04:49
than if you missed it by 20.
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๋” ๋งŽ์€ ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:52
Why?
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์™œ ๊ทธ๋Ÿด๊นŒ์š”?
04:54
Well because, if you miss your flight by three minutes,
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์™œ๋ƒํ•˜๋ฉด, 3๋ถ„ ์ฐจ๋กœ ๋น„ํ–‰๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋†“์นœ ๊ฒฝ์šฐ์—”
04:56
it is painfully easy to imagine
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๊ฒฐ์ •์„ ๋‚ด๋ ค
04:58
that you could have made different decisions
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๋” ๋‚˜์€ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ๋‚˜์˜ฌ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์—ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ์‚ฌ์‹ค์ด
05:00
that would have led to a better outcome.
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๊ณ ํ†ต์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šธ ์ •๋„๋กœ ์‰ฝ๊ฒŒ ์ƒ์ƒ์ด ๋˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ 
05:02
"I should have taken the bridge and not the tunnel.
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"ํ„ฐ๋„์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ ๋‹ค๋ฆฌ๋กœ ๊ฑด๋„œ์–ด์•ผ ํ–ˆ์–ด
05:04
I should have gone through that yellow light."
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์•„๊นŒ ๊ทธ ๋…ธ๋ž€๋ถˆ์— ๊ทธ๋ƒฅ ์ง€๋‚˜๊ฐˆ ๊ฑธ"
05:07
These are the classic conditions that create regret.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์€ ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜๋Š” ์ „ํ˜•์ ์ธ ์กฐ๊ฑด๋“ค์ด์ฃ 
05:10
We feel regret when we think we are responsible
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ํŠนํžˆ ๋‚˜์œ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ๋‚˜์™”์ง€๋งŒ
05:13
for a decision that came out badly,
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๊ฑฐ์˜ ์ข‹์€ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ๋  ๋ป”ํ–ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒฐ์ •๋“ค์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด์„œ
05:15
but almost came out well.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒŒ ์ฑ…์ž„์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•  ๋•Œ ํ›„ํšŒํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:18
Now within that framework,
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์ž, ์ด ํ‹€ ์•ˆ์—์„œ
05:20
we can obviously experience regret about a lot of different things.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ถ„๋ช… ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:23
This session today is about behavioral economics.
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์˜ค๋Š˜ ์ด TED ์„ธ์…˜์€ ํ–‰๋™ ๊ฒฝ์ œํ•™์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:26
And most of what we know about regret
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ›„ํšŒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์€
05:29
comes to us out of that domain.
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์ด ํ•ด๋‹น ๋ถ„์•ผ์—์„œ ๋น„๋กฏ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:31
We have a vast body of literature
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์†Œ๋น„์ž์™€ ๊ตฌ๋งค๊ฒฐ์ •, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด์™€ ๊ด€๋ จ๋œ
05:34
on consumer and financial decisions
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ํ›„ํšŒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋งŽ์€ ๋ฌธํ—Œ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:36
and the regrets associated with them --
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๊ธฐ๋ณธ์ ์œผ๋ก , '๊ตฌ๋งค์ž์˜ ํ›„ํšŒ'๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:38
buyer's remorse, basically.
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[์—ญ: ๋ฌผ๊ฑด์„ ๊ตฌ๋งค ํ›„, ์ž˜๋ชป ์ƒ€๋‹ค๋Š” ํ›„ํšŒ. ์ผ๋ฐ˜์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ง‘, ์ฐจ ๊ตฌ๋งค ์‹œ ๋ฏธ๊ตญ์—์„œ ๋งŽ์ด ์“ฐ์ด๋Š” ๋ง]
05:40
But then finally, it occurred to some researchers to step back
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๋งˆ์นจ๋‚ด ์–ด๋Š ์—ฐ๊ตฌ์ž๋“ค์ด ํ•œ ๋ฐœ์ž๊ตญ ๋’ค๋กœ ๋ฌผ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜
05:43
and say, well okay, but overall,
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'์•Œ๊ฒ ์–ด. ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์ธ์ƒ์—์„œ
05:45
what do we regret most in life?
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ฌด์–ผ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜์ง€?' ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ฌป๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:48
Here's what the answers turn out to look like.
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ์— ๊ทธ ๋‹ต๋ณ€๋“ค์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋†’์€ ์ˆœ์œผ๋กœ 6๊ฐœ๋ฅผ ๊ผฝ์ž๋ฉด...
05:50
So top six regrets --
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[ํ™”๋ฉด: (์œ„์—์„œ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ) ๊ต์œก, ๊ฒฝ๋ ฅ, ์—ฐ์• , ์ž์‹๊ต์œก, ์ž์•„, ํœด๊ฐ€, ๊ฒฝ์ œ, ๊ฐ€์กฑ, ๊ฑด๊ฐ•, ์นœ๊ตฌ, ์˜์„ฑ, ๋‹จ์ฒด]
05:52
the things we regret most in life:
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์‚ด๋ฉด์„œ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋“ค:
05:54
Number one by far, education.
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์ฒซ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋กœ๋Š” ๊ต์œก์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:56
33 percent of all of our regrets
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ•˜๋Š” ํ›„ํšŒ ์ค‘ 33%๋Š”
05:58
pertain to decisions we made about education.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ต์œก์— ๊ด€ํ•ด ๋งŒ๋“  ๊ฒฐ์ •๋“ค์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
06:00
We wish we'd gotten more of it.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋” ๋งŽ์€ ๊ต์œก์„ ๋ฐ›์•˜์œผ๋ฉด ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
06:02
We wish we'd taken better advantage of the education that we did have.
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๋˜ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ด๋ฏธ ๋ฐ›์€ ๊ต์œก์˜ ์ด์ ๋“ค์„ ๋” ์ž˜ ํ™œ์šฉํ–ˆ์œผ๋ฉด ํ•˜๊ณ ์š”
06:05
We wish we'd chosen to study a different topic.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ „๊ณต์„ ํƒํ–ˆ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ”๋ผ๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
06:08
Others very high on our list of regrets
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ํ›„ํšŒ์˜ ๋ชฉ๋ก์—์„œ ๋˜ ๊ต‰์žฅํžˆ ๋†’์€ ์ž๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ฐจ์ง€ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด
06:10
include career, romance, parenting,
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๊ฒฝ๋ ฅ, ์—ฐ์• , ์ž์‹๊ต์œก ๋“ฑ๊ณผ ํ•จ๊ป˜
06:13
various decisions and choices about our sense of self
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์ž์‹ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๊ฐ์ข… ์˜์‚ฌ ๊ฒฐ์ •๊ณผ ์„ ํƒ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
06:16
and how we spend our leisure time --
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ํœด๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋ณด๋‚ด๋Š”๊ฐ€์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ด์ฃ 
06:18
or actually more specifically,
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๋” ๊ตฌ์ฒด์ ์œผ๋กœ๋Š”
06:20
how we fail to spend our leisure time.
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์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ํœด๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋ณด๋‚ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์— ์‹คํŒจํ–ˆ๋Š”๊ฐ€์ฃ 
06:22
The remaining regrets
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๋‚˜๋จธ์ง€ ํ›„ํšŒ๋“ค์€
06:24
pertain to these things:
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๋‹ค์Œ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค๊ณผ ๊ด€๋ จ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
06:26
finance, family issues unrelated to romance or parenting,
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๋ˆ ๋ฌธ์ œ, ์—ฐ์ธ ๋˜๋Š” ๋ถ€๋ชจยท์ž์‹ ๊ฐ„๊ณผ๋Š” ๋ฌด๊ด€ํ•œ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๊ฐ€์กฑ ๋ฌธ์ œ๋“ค,
06:29
health, friends,
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๊ฑด๊ฐ•, ์นœ๊ตฌ,
06:31
spirituality and community.
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์˜์„ฑ๊ณผ ๋‹จ์ฒด
06:34
So in other words, we know most of what we know about regret
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์ฆ‰ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋ง๋กœ ํ•˜๋ฉด, ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ํ›„ํšŒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„ ๊ฒƒ์„
06:37
by the study of finance.
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๊ฒฝ์ œ๊ธˆ์œต ์—ฐ๊ตฌ ๋•์— ์ด๋ฏธ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹จ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
06:39
But it turns out, when you look overall at what people regret in life,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ธ์ƒ์—์„œ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋ฌด์—‡์ธ์ง€๋ฅผ ๋ณด๋ฉด
06:41
you know what, our financial decisions don't even rank.
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๋ˆ์— ๊ด€๋ จ๋œ ๊ฒฐ์ •๋“ค์€ ์ˆœ์œ„์—์กฐ์ฐจ ์ œ๋Œ€๋กœ ๋ชป ๋“ค์—ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋˜์ฃ 
06:44
They account for less than three percent of our total regrets.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ์ „์ฒด ํ›„ํšŒ์˜ 3ํผ์„ผํŠธ ๋ฏธ๋งŒ์„ ์ฐจ์ง€ํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
06:48
So if you're sitting there stressing
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ํ•ด์„œ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ ์•‰์•„ ์ŠคํŠธ๋ ˆ์Šค๋ฐ›๋Š” ์ด์œ ๊ฐ€
06:50
about large cap versus small cap,
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'์†Œํ˜•์ฃผ๋ƒ? ๋Œ€ํ˜•์ฃผ๋ƒ?'๋ผ๋˜์ง€
06:52
or company A versus company B,
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๋˜๋Š” ํšŒ์‚ฌ A ๋Œ€ ํšŒ์‚ฌ B์— ๊ด€ํ•ด์„œ,
06:54
or should you buy the Subaru or the Prius,
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๋˜๋Š” ์Šค๋ฐ”๋ฃจ๋ฅผ ์‚ด์ง€ ํ”„๋ฆฌ์šฐ์Šค๋ฅผ ์‚ด์ง€์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด์„œ๋ผ๋ฉด
06:56
you know what, let it go.
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๊ทธ๋ƒฅ ๋‚ด๋ฒ„๋ ค ๋‘์„ธ์š”
06:59
Odds are, you're not going to care in five years.
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ํ™•๋ฅ ์ƒ, 5๋…„ ์•ˆ์— ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์€ ๊ทธ ์ผ์— ์‹ ๊ฒฝ ์“ฐ์ง€ ์•Š๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:02
But for these things that we actually do really care about
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์‹ค์ œ๋กœ ์ •๋ง ์‹ ๊ฒฝ ์“ฐ๊ณ 
07:05
and do experience profound regret around,
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์ •๋ง ๋ผˆ์ €๋ฆฐ ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ๋Š๋ผ๊ฒŒ ๋˜๋Š” ์ด๋Ÿฌํ•œ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์€
07:07
what does that experience feel like?
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์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋Š๊ปด์ง€์‹ญ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ?
07:11
We all know the short answer.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ช…๋ฃŒํ•œ ๋Œ€๋‹ต์„ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:13
It feels terrible. Regret feels awful.
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์•„์ฃผ ๋ณ„๋กœ๋กœ ๋Š๊ปด์ง€์ฃ . ํ›„ํšŒ๋Š” ๋”์ฐํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋Š๊ปด์ง‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:15
But it turns out that regret feels awful
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ํ›„ํšŒ๋Š” ๋งค์šฐ ์ผ๊ด€๋˜๊ณ  ๊ตฌ์ฒด์ ์ธ ๋„ค ๊ฐ€์ง€ ๋ฐฉ์‹์œผ๋กœ
07:17
in four very specific and consistent ways.
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์ง€๋…ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋Š๊ปด์ง„๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋ฐํ˜€์กŒ์ฃ 
07:20
So the first consistent component of regret
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์ฒซ์งธ๋กœ ์ผ๊ด€๋œ ํ›„ํšŒ์˜ ๊ตฌ์„ฑ ์š”์†Œ๋Š”
07:22
is basically denial.
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๊ธฐ๋ณธ์ ์œผ๋กœ '๋ถ€์ •'์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:25
When I went home that night after getting my tattoo,
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋‚  ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ์ƒˆ๊ธด ํ›„ ๊ทธ๋‚  ๋ฐค ์ง‘์— ๋Œ์•„๊ฐ”์„ ๋•Œ,
07:28
I basically stayed up all night.
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๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ๋ฐค์„ ์ƒˆ์šฐ๊ณ  ๋ง์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:30
And for the first several hours,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ฒ˜์Œ ๋ช‡ ์‹œ๊ฐ„ ๋™์•ˆ์€,
07:32
there was exactly one thought in my head.
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์ œ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ ์†์—๋Š” ๋‹จ ํ•œ ๊ฐ€์ง€์˜ ์ƒ๊ฐ๋งŒ์ด ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:34
And the thought was,
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๊ทธ ํ•œ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์ƒ๊ฐ์ด๋ž€
07:36
"Make it go away!"
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"์—†์–ด์ง€๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ค˜!"
07:39
This is an unbelievably primitive emotional response.
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ๋ฏฟ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†์„ ์ •๋„๋กœ ์›์ดˆ์ ์ธ ๊ฐ์ • ๋ฐ˜์‘์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:43
I mean, it's right up there with, "I want my mommy!"
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์ œ ๋ง์€, ์ด๋Š” "๋‚œ ์—„๋งˆํ•œํ…Œ ๊ฐˆ๋ž˜!"์™€ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ˆ˜์ค€์ด๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
07:46
We're not trying to solve the problem.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ฌธ์ œ๋ฅผ ํ•ด๊ฒฐํ•˜๋ ค๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:48
We're not trying to understand how the problem came about.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ด๊ฒƒ์ด ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋ฌธ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋˜์—ˆ๋Š”์ง€ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๋ ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ณ 
07:51
We just want it to vanish.
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๊ทธ์ € ๊ทธ ๋ฌธ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์‚ฌ๋ผ์กŒ์œผ๋ฉด ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:54
The second characteristic component of regret
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ํ›„ํšŒ์˜ ๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ ํŠน์ง•์  ์š”์†Œ๋Š”
07:56
is a sense of bewilderment.
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ํ™ฉ๋‹นํ•จ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:58
So the other thing I thought about there in my bedroom that night
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๊ทธ๋‚  ๋ฐค ์ œ ์นจ์‹ค์—์„œ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•œ ๋˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๊ฒƒ์€
08:01
was, "How could I have done that?
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"๋Œ€์ฒด ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๊ทธ๋žฌ์ง€?
08:04
What was I thinking?"
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๋Œ€์ฒด ๋ฌด์Šจ ์ƒ๊ฐ์ด์—ˆ์ง€?"์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:07
This real sense of alienation
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์ด ์ง„์ •ํ•œ ์˜๋ฏธ์˜ ์†Œ์™ธ๊ฐ์€
08:09
from the part of us that made a decision we regret.
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ํ›„ํšŒ์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ๊ฒฐ์ •์„ ๋‚ด๋ฆฌ๊ฒŒ ํ•œ ์ž์‹ ํ•œํ…Œ์„œ ์˜ต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:11
We can't identify with that part.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋ฅผ ๋”๋Š” ์ž์‹ ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ธ์ •ํ•˜์ง€ ๋ชปํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:13
We don't understand that part.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋”๋Š” ๊ทธ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์„ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜์ง€ ๋ชปํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:15
And we certainly don't have any empathy for that part --
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ทธ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๊ณต๊ฐ์ด ์ผ์–ด๋‚˜์งˆ ์•Š์ฃ 
08:17
which explains the third consistent component of regret,
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์ด๊ฒƒ์ด ํ›„ํšŒ์— ๊ณตํ†ต์œผ๋กœ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚˜๋Š” ์„ธ ๋ฒˆ์งธ ๊ตฌ์„ฑ ์š”์†Œ๋ฅผ ์„ค๋ช…ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:20
which is an intense desire to punish ourselves.
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๋ฐ”๋กœ ์ž์‹ ์„ ์ฒ˜๋ฒŒํ•˜๊ณ ์ž ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฐ•๋ ฌํ•œ ์š•๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:22
That's why, in the face of our regret,
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์ฆ‰, ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ›„ํšŒ๋ผ๋Š” ์ด๋ฆ„์œผ๋กœ ๋Š˜ ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด
08:24
the thing we consistently say is, "I could have kicked myself."
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"~ ํ• ๊ฑธ!"์ด๋ผ๋ฉฐ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ฅ์–ด๋œฏ์ฃ 
08:28
The fourth component here
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ ๋„ค ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š” ๊ตฌ์„ฑ ์š”์†Œ๋Š”
08:30
is that regret is what psychologists call perseverative.
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์‹ฌ๋ฆฌํ•™์ž๋“ค์ด ๋ณด์†์ด๋ผ ๋ถ€๋ฅด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:32
To perseverate means to focus obsessively and repeatedly
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'๋ณด์†ํ•œ๋‹ค'ํ•จ์€ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ผ์— ๊ฐ•๋ฐ•์ ์ด๊ณ 
08:35
on the exact same thing.
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์ง€์†์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ง‘์ค‘ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:37
Now the effect of perseveration
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ ๋ณด์†์„ฑ์˜ ํšจ๊ณผ๋Š”
08:39
is to basically take these first three components of regret
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์•ž์„œ ๋งํ•œ ํ›„ํšŒ์˜ ์„ธ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ๊ตฌ์„ฑ ์š”์†Œ๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ๋ณธ์ ์œผ๋กœ
08:41
and put them on an infinite loop.
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๋ฌดํ•œ ๋ฐ˜๋ณต์‹œํ‚ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
08:44
So it's not that I sat there in my bedroom that night,
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋‚  ๋ฐค ์ œ ์นจ์‹ค์— ์•‰์•„ ๋‹จ์ง€
08:47
thinking, "Make it go away."
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"์—†์–ด์ง€๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ค˜."๋ผ๊ณ ๋งŒ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ณ 
08:50
It's that I sat there and I thought,
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๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ ์•‰์•„์„œ ๋์—†์ด
08:52
"Make it go away. Make it go away.
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"์—†์–ด์ง€๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ค˜. ์—†์–ด์ง€๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ค˜.
08:54
Make it go away. Make it go away."
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์—†์• ์ค˜. ์—†์• ์ค˜."๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•œ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
08:57
So if you look at the psychological literature,
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์‹ฌ๋ฆฌํ•™ ๋ฌธํ—Œ์„ ๋ณด์‹ ๋‹ค๋ฉด
08:59
these are the four consistent defining components of regret.
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์ด๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ด ํ•œ๊ฒฐ๊ฐ™์ด ๋ถ„๋ช…ํžˆ ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜๋Š” ํ›„ํšŒ์˜ ๋„ค ๊ฐ€์ง€ ๊ตฌ์„ฑ ์š”์†Œ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:03
But I want to suggest that there's also a fifth one.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ „ ๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ์— ๋‹ค์„ฏ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋„ ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ œ์•ˆํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:06
And I think of this
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์ „ ์ด๊ฑธ ์‹ค์กด์ ์ธ
09:08
as a kind of existential wake-up call.
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๊ธฐ์ƒ ์•Œ๋žŒ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:11
That night in my apartment,
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๊ทธ๋‚  ๋ฐค ์ œ ์•„ํŒŒํŠธ์—์„œ,
09:13
after I got done kicking myself and so forth,
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ํ˜ผ์ž ๋จธ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ฅ์–ด๋œฏ์œผ๋ฉด ์ž์ฑ…ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋‚œ ๋’ค์—
09:16
I lay in bed for a long time,
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์ €๋Š” ์˜ค๋žซ๋™์•ˆ ์นจ๋Œ€์— ๋ˆ„์›Œ์„œ๋Š”
09:18
and I thought about skin grafts.
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ํ”ผ๋ถ€ ์ด์‹์ˆ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:22
And then I thought about how,
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ค๊ฐ€ ์ €๋Š” ๋งŽ์€ ์—ฌํ–‰์ž ๋ณดํ—˜์ด
09:24
much as travel insurance doesn't cover acts of God,
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์ฒœ์žฌ์ง€๋ณ€์„ ๋ณด์ƒํ•ด์ฃผ์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์•„๋งˆ ๊ฑด๊ฐ• ๋ณดํ—˜๋„
09:27
probably my health insurance did not cover acts of idiocy.
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์–ด๋ฆฌ์„์Œ์œผ๋กœ ์ธํ•œ ํ–‰๋™์„ ๋ณดํ—˜์ฒ˜๋ฆฌ ํ•ด์ฃผ์ง€๋Š” ์•Š๋Š”๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:32
In point of fact, no insurance covers acts of idiocy.
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์‚ฌ์‹ค, ์–ด๋Š ๋ณดํ—˜๋„ ์–ด๋ฆฌ์„์€ ํ–‰๋™์„ ์ฒ˜๋ฆฌํ•ด์ฃผ์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:35
The whole point of acts of idiocy
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์–ด๋ฆฌ์„์€ ํ–‰๋™์˜ ํ•ต์‹ฌ ์ž์ฒด๊ฐ€
09:37
is that they leave you totally uninsured;
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ์™„์ „ํžˆ ๋น„๋ณดํ—˜ ์ƒํƒœ๋กœ ๋‚ด๋ฒ„๋ ค ๋‘”๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
09:39
they leave you exposed to the world
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์„ ์„ธ์ƒ์— ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚ด๊ณ 
09:41
and exposed to your own vulnerability and fallibility
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์ž์‹ ์˜ ์ทจ์•ฝ์ ๊ณผ ์˜ค์ ๋“ค์„
09:44
in face of, frankly, a fairly indifferent universe.
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์ ๋‚˜๋ผํ•˜๊ฒŒ, ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์†”์งํžˆ ๋ฌด๊ด€์‹ฌํ•œ ์„ธ์ƒ์— ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋ƒ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:49
This is obviously an incredibly painful experience.
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ๋ถ„๋ช… ๋งค์šฐ ๊ณ ํ†ต์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
09:52
And I think it's particularly painful for us now in the West
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ํŠนํžˆ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ€๋” '์ฝ˜ํŠธ๋กค[์ œ์–ดํ‚ค]+Z'๋ผ ์นญํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฌธํ™”๊ฐ€ ์ง€๋ฐฐํ•˜๋Š” ์ด๊ณณ,
09:55
in the grips of what I sometimes think of
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์„œ๊ตฌ์— ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ
09:57
as a Control-Z culture --
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๋” ๊ณ ํ†ต์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:00
Control-Z like the computer command,
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์ œ์–ดํ‚ค+Z์™€ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ปดํ“จํ„ฐ ๋ช…๋ น,
10:02
undo.
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์ฆ‰, ์ด์ „ ์ƒํƒœ๋กœ ๋ณต๊ท€์‹œํ‚ค๋Š” ๋ฌดํšจํ™” ํ‚ค์ฃ 
10:04
We're incredibly used to not having to face
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์–ด๋–ค ์˜๋ฏธ์—์„  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ธ์ƒ์˜ ํž˜๋“  ํ˜„์‹ค์„ ๋Œ€๋ฉดํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์•„๋„
10:07
life's hard realities, in a certain sense.
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๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์— ๋†€๋ผ์šธ ์ •๋„๋กœ ์ต์ˆ™ํ•ด์ ธ ๋ฒ„๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:09
We think we can throw money at the problem
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ˆ์ด๋ฉด ๋ชจ๋“  ๋ฌธ์ œ๋ฅผ ํ•ด๊ฒฐํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:11
or throw technology at the problem --
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๋˜๋Š” ๊ธฐ์ˆ ์ด ๋ฐœ๋‹ฌ์ด๋ฉด ํ•ด๊ฒฐ๋œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋ด…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:13
we can undo and unfriend
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” '์–ธ๋‘'ํ•˜๊ณ  '์–ธํ”„๋ Œ๋“œ'ํ•˜๊ณ  '์–ธํŒ”๋กœ์šฐ' ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์ฃ 
10:15
and unfollow.
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[์—ญ: (๋ช…๋ น์„) ์ทจ์†Œํ•˜๊ณ  (์‹ธ์ด์—์„œ) ์ผ์ดŒ์„ ๋Š๊ณ  (ํŠธ์œ„ํ„ฐ์—์„œ) ์–ธํŒ”ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์ฃ .]
10:18
And the problem is that there are certain things that happen in life
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๋ฌธ์ œ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ•„์‚ฌ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ”๊ฟจ์œผ๋ฉด ํ•˜๋Š”
10:21
that we desperately want to change
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์‚ถ์—์„œ์˜ ์–ด๋–ค ์ผ๋“ค์„ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€
10:24
and we cannot.
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๋ฐ”๊ฟ€ ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋‹ค๋Š” ๋ฐ์— ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:26
Sometimes instead of Control-Z,
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๋•Œ๋กœ๋Š” ์ œ์–ดํ‚ค+Z ๋Œ€์‹ ์—
10:28
we actually have zero control.
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์‹ค์ œ๋กœ๋Š” ์ œ์–ด๋Šฅ๋ ฅ ์ œ๋กœ๊ฐ€ ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
10:30
And for those of us who are control freaks and perfectionists --
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ํŠนํžˆ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ง€๊ธˆ ๊ฐ•์—ฐํ•˜๋Š” ์ด๊ณณ์— ๊ณ„์‹  ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„ ๊ฐ™์€
10:34
and I know where of I speak --
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๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฑธ ์ž๊ธฐ ๋œป๋Œ€๋กœ ํ•˜๋ ค๋Š” ์ž์™€ ์™„๋ฒฝ์ฃผ์˜์ž๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ
10:36
this is really hard,
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์ •๋ง ์–ด๋ ต์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:38
because we want to do everything ourselves and we want to do it right.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์„ ์Šค์Šค๋กœ ์ œ๋Œ€๋กœ ํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์–ดํ•˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ 
10:42
Now there is a case to be made
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ ๋…๋‹จ์ฃผ์˜์ž๋‚˜ ์™„๋ฒฝ์ฃผ์˜์ž๋“ค์€ ๋ฌธ์‹ ํ•˜์ง€ ๋ง์•„์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋ก€๋ฅผ
10:44
that control freaks and perfectionists should not get tattoos,
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๋ฐ”๋กœ ๋งŒ๋“ค ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:47
and I'm going to return to that point in a few minutes.
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์ž ์‹œ ํ›„์— ๊ทธ ์‚ฌ๋ก€์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋‹ค์‹œ ๋ง์”€ ๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:50
But first I want to say
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๋จผ์ € ๊ทธ ๊ฐ•๋„์™€ ์ง€์†์„ฑ์ ์ธ ๋ฉด์—์„œ
10:52
that the intensity and persistence
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๋Š” ์ด ํ›„ํšŒ์˜
10:54
with which we experience these emotional components of regret
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๊ฐ์ •์  ๊ตฌ์„ฑ ์š”์†Œ๋“ค์€
10:57
is obviously going to vary
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ํ›„ํšŒ์Šค๋Ÿฝ๋‹ค ๋Š๋ผ๋Š” ๋Œ€์ƒ์ด
10:59
depending on the specific thing that we're feeling regretful about.
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๋ฌด์—‡์ด๋ƒ์— ๋”ฐ๋ผ ๋‹ค ๋‹ค๋ฅผ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
11:02
So for instance, here's one of my favorite
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๋”ฐ๋ผ์„œ ์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค๋ฉด, ์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ข‹์•„ํ•˜๋Š”
11:04
automatic generators of regret in modern life.
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ํ˜„๋Œ€ ์ƒํ™œ์˜ ํ›„ํšŒ ์ž๋™ ๋ฐœ์ƒ๊ธฐ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
11:08
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
11:10
Text: Relpy to all.
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[ํ™”๋ฉด: '์ „์ฒด ๋‹ต์žฅ' ]
11:12
And the amazing thing
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋†€๋ผ์šด ๊ฒƒ์€
11:14
about this really insidious technological innovation
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์–ด๋Š์ƒˆ ํผ์ ธ ๋‚˜๊ฐ€๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์ด ์Œํ‰ํ•œ
11:17
is that even just with this one thing,
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๊ธฐ์ˆ  ํ˜์‹  ํ•˜๋‚˜์—๋„
11:19
we can experience a huge range of regret.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋„“์€ ๋ฒ”์œ„์˜ ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
11:22
You can accidentally hit "reply all" to an email
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์‹ค์ˆ˜๋กœ ์ด๋ฉ”์ผ์— '์ „์ฒด ๋‹ต์žฅ'์„ ํด๋ฆญํ•จ์œผ๋กœ์จ
11:25
and torpedo a relationship.
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ํ•œ ์ธ๊ฐ„๊ด€๊ณ„๋ฅผ ์™„์ „ํžˆ ๋ฌด๋„ˆ๋œจ๋ฆด ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ๊ณ 
11:28
Or you can just have an incredibly embarrassing day at work.
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๋˜๋Š” ์ง์žฅ์—์„œ ์–ผ๊ตด ๋“ค๊ณ  ๋‹ค๋‹ˆ๊ธฐ ํž˜๋“  ํ•˜๋ฃจ๋ฅผ ๋ณด๋‚ผ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์ฃ 
11:31
Or you can have your last day at work.
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์•„๋‹ˆ๋ฉด ์ง์žฅ์—์„œ ๋งˆ์ง€๋ง‰ ๋‚ ์ด ๋  ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
11:35
And this doesn't even touch
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด๊ฒƒ์กฐ์ฐจ ์ƒ์—์„œ์˜ ์ง„์งœ ๊นŠ์€ ํ›„ํšŒ์˜
11:37
on the really profound regrets of a life.
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๊ทผ์ฒ˜์—๋„ ๋ชป ๋ฏธ์น˜๋Š” ์ˆ˜์ค€์ด์ฃ 
11:40
Because of course, sometimes we do make decisions
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๋ฌผ๋ก , ๋•Œ๋กœ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์ž์‹  ๋˜๋Š”
11:42
that have irrevocable and terrible consequences,
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ๊ฑด๊ฐ•๊ณผ ํ–‰๋ณต๊ณผ ์ƒ๊ณ„์— ์˜ํ–ฅ์„ ๋ฏธ์น˜๋Š”
11:46
either for our own or for other people's
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋˜๋Œ๋ฆด ์ˆ˜๋„ ์—†๊ณ 
11:49
health and happiness and livelihoods,
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์•ˆ ์ข‹์€ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ๋‚ณ๋Š” ๊ฒฐ์ •์„ ๋‚ด๋ฆด ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
11:51
and in the very worst case scenario, even their lives.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ตœ์•…์˜ ์‹œ๋‚˜๋ฆฌ์˜ค์—์„œ๋Š” ์‹ฌ์ง€์–ด ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ์ƒ ์ž์ฒด์— ์˜ํ–ฅ์„ ๋ฏธ์น˜์ฃ .
11:55
Now obviously, those kinds of regrets
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์ด ์‹œ์ ์—์„œ ๋ถ„๋ช…, ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ข…๋ฅ˜์˜ ํ›„ํšŒ๋Š”
11:58
are incredibly piercing and enduring.
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๋ฏฟ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†์„ ๋งŒํผ ๊ณ ํ†ต์Šค๋Ÿฝ๊ณ  ์˜ค๋ž˜๊ฐˆ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:02
I mean, even the stupid "reply all" regrets
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์ œ ๋ง์€ ์ € ์•„๋ฌด๊ฒƒ๋„ ์•„๋‹Œ ๋“ฏํ•œ '์ „์ฒด ๋‹ต์žฅ'์˜ ํ›„ํšŒ์กฐ์ฐจ
12:05
can leave us in a fit of excruciating agony for days.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ฉฐ์น ๊ฐ„์˜ ๊ทน์‹ฌํ•œ ๊ณ ๋‡Œ์— ์ง‘์–ด๋„ฃ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์ฃ 
12:10
So how are we supposed to live with this?
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๊ทธ๋Ÿผ ์šฐ๋ฆฐ ํ›„ํšŒ์™€ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ์‚ด์•„๊ฐ€์•ผ ํ• ๊นŒ์š”?
12:13
I want to suggest that there's three things
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์ €๋Š” ์„ธ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ์ œ์‹œํ•˜๊ณ ์ž ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:15
that help us to make our peace with regret.
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์ด๋“ค์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ›„ํšŒ์™€ ํ•จ๊ป˜ ํ‰์•ˆํžˆ ์‚ด์•„๊ฐ€๋„๋ก ๋„์šธ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:18
And the first of these
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์ฒซ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š”
12:20
is to take some comfort in its universality.
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๊ทธ ๋ณดํŽธ์„ฑ์— ์œ„์•ˆ์„ ์–ป์œผ๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:24
If you Google regret and tattoo,
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๋งŒ์•ฝ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ๊ตฌ๊ธ€์—์„œ 'ํ›„ํšŒ'์™€ '๋ฌธ์‹ '์„ ๊ฐ™์ด ๊ฒ€์ƒ‰ํ•˜์‹ ๋‹ค๋ฉด
12:28
you will get 11.5 million hits.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์€ ์ฒœ๋ฐฑ์˜ค์‹ญ๋งŒ ๊ฐœ์˜ ๊ฒ€์ƒ‰ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ์–ป๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:30
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
12:32
The FDA estimates
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๋ฏธ๊ตญ ์‹ํ’ˆ์˜์•ฝ์ฒญ์€ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ๊ฐ€์ง„
12:34
that of all the Americans who have tattoos,
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๋ชจ๋“  ๋ฏธ๊ตญ์ธ์˜ 17%๋Š”
12:36
17 percent of us regret getting them.
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์ด๋ฅผ ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ถ”์ •ํ•˜์ฃ 
12:39
That is Johnny Depp and me
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์กฐ๋‹ˆ ๋Ž๊ณผ ์ €๋ฅผ
12:41
and our seven million friends.
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ํฌํ•จํ•œ ์น ๋ฐฑ๋งŒ์—ฌ ๋ช…์˜ ๋™์ง€๋“ค์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:43
And that's just regret about tattoos.
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๋‹จ์ง€ ๋ฌธ์‹  ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์ด๋“ค์˜ ์ˆ˜์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:46
We are all in this together.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ชจ๋‘ ํ•จ๊ป˜ ๊ฒช๋Š” ์ผ์ธ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:50
The second way that we can help make our peace with regret
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ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ์ข€ ๋” ํ‰ํ™”๋กญ๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ค„ ๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€
12:52
is to laugh at ourselves.
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์Šค์Šค๋กœ ์›ƒ์–ด๋ฒ„๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:55
Now in my case, this really wasn't a problem,
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์ œ ๊ฒฝ์šฐ์—๋Š” ์ด๊ฑด ๊ทธ๋‹ค์ง€ ํฐ ๋ฌธ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹ˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
12:57
because it's actually very easy to laugh at yourself
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์™œ๋ƒํ•˜๋ฉด ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด 29์‚ด์ธ๋ฐ
13:00
when you're 29 years old and you want your mommy
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์ƒˆ๋กœ ํ•œ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์ด ๋ง˜์— ์•ˆ ๋“ค์–ด์„œ ์—„๋งˆ๋ฅผ ์ฐพ๋Š”๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€
13:02
because you don't like your new tattoo.
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์›ƒ์–ด ๋„˜๊ธฐ๊ธฐ์— ์•„์ฃผ ์‰ฌ์šด ์ผ์ด์ฃ 
13:05
But it might seem like a kind of cruel or glib suggestion
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ƒ๋‹นํžˆ ๊นŠ์€ ํ›„ํšŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ์žˆ์–ด์„œ ์ด ์ œ์•ˆ์€
13:09
when it comes to these more profound regrets.
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์ž”์ธํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ์ผ์ข…์˜ ๋ง๋ฟ์ธ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ณด์ผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
13:12
I don't think that's the case though.
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์ „ ๊ผญ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐ์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
13:15
All of us who've experienced regret
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์ง„์ •ํ•œ ๊ณ ํ†ต๊ณผ ์Šฌํ””์ด ๋™๋ฐ˜ํ•œ
13:18
that contains real pain and real grief
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ํ›„ํšŒ๋ฅผ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•ด๋ณธ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ๋‚˜
13:22
understand that humor and even black humor
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์œ ๋จธ์™€ ์‹ฌ์ง€์–ด ๋ธ”๋ž™ ์œ ๋จธ์กฐ์ฐจ [์—ญ: ๋ƒ‰์†Œ์ ์ด๊ณ  ํ’์ž์  ์œ ๋จธ]
13:25
plays a crucial role in helping us survive.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์‚ด์•„๊ฐ€๋Š” ๋ฐ ๋„์›€์„ ์ค€๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
13:28
It connects the poles of our lives back together,
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์‚ถ์˜ ๊ธฐ๋‘ฅ๋“ค์„ ๋‹ค์‹œ ์—ฐ๊ฒฐํ•ด์ฃผ๊ณ 
13:30
the positive and the negative,
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์–‘๊ทน๊ณผ ์Œ๊ทน์„ ์—ฐ๊ฒฐํ•˜์—ฌ
13:32
and it sends a little current of life back into us.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์‚ถ์— ๋‹ค์‹œ ์ž‘์€ ์ „๋ฅ˜๋ฅผ ํ˜๋ ค๋ณด๋‚ด ์ฃผ์ฃ 
13:36
The third way that I think we can help make our peace with regret
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋„์›€๋œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋Š” ์„ธ ๋ฒˆ์งธ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€
13:39
is through the passage of time,
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์‹œ๊ฐ„์˜ ํ๋ฆ„์— ๋งก๊ธฐ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
13:42
which, as we know, heals all wounds --
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์•„์‹œ๋‹ค์‹œํ”ผ, ์‹œ๊ฐ„์€ ๋ชจ๋“  ์ƒ์ฒ˜๋ฅผ ์•„๋ฌผ๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๋‹ˆ๊นŒ์š”.
13:44
except for tattoos, which are permanent.
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์˜๊ตฌ์ ์ธ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ์ œ์™ธํ•˜๊ณ ๋Š” ๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
13:48
So it's been several years
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ์ƒˆ๊ธด ์ง€
13:50
since I got my own tattoo.
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๋ช‡ ๋…„์ด ์ง€๋‚ฌ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
13:54
And do you guys just want to see it?
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„, ๋ณด๊ณ  ์‹ถ์œผ์‹ญ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ?
13:58
All right.
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์ข‹์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:00
Actually, you know what, I should warn you,
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์‚ฌ์‹ค, ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๊ป˜ ํ•˜๋‚˜ ๋ฏธ๋ฆฌ ์•Œ๋ ค๋‚˜์•ผ๊ฒ ๊ตฐ์š”
14:03
you're going to be disappointed.
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์•„๋งˆ ์‹ค๋งํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜์‹ค ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:05
Because it's actually not that hideous.
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์‹ค์ œ๋กœ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์ด์ƒํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:08
I didn't tattoo Marilyn Manson's face
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๋งˆ๋ฆด๋ฆฐ ๋งจ์Šจ์˜ ์–ผ๊ตด ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ์ œ ๋ชธ ์ด์ƒํ•œ ๊ณณ์—
14:11
on some indiscreet part of myself or something.
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์ƒˆ๊ฒผ๋‹ค๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๊ฑด ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ฑฐ๋“ ์š”
14:13
When other people see my tattoo,
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ œ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์„ ๋ณด๋ฉด
14:15
for the most part they like how it looks.
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๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์€ ์ข‹๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:17
It's just that I don't like how it looks.
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๋‹ค๋งŒ ์ œ ๋ง˜์— ์•ˆ ๋“ค ๋ฟ์ด์ฃ 
14:19
And as I said earlier, I'm a perfectionist.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ข€ ์ „์— ๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ ธ๋“ฏ์ด, ์ „ ์™„๋ฒฝ์ฃผ์˜์ž์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:22
But I'll let you see it anyway.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์–ด์จŒ๋“  ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๊ป˜ ๋ณด์—ฌ ๋“œ๋ฆฌ์ฃ 
14:29
This is my tattoo.
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์ œ ๋ฌธ์‹ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:33
I can guess what some of you are thinking.
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์ „ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„ ์ค‘ ์ผ๋ถ€์˜ ๋ฌด์Šจ ์ƒ๊ฐ์„ ์ง์ž‘ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:36
So let me reassure you about something.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ํ•œ ๊ฐ€์ง€์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋‹ค์‹œ ํ•œ ๋ฒˆ ๋” ๋งํ•˜์ž๋ฉด
14:39
Some of your own regrets
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ํ›„ํšŒ ์ค‘ ์–ด๋–ค ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์€
14:41
are also not as ugly as you think they are.
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋งŒํผ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋‚˜์˜์ง€ ์•Š๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:45
I got this tattoo
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์ „ ์ œ 20๋Œ€์˜ ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์„
14:47
because I spent most of my 20s
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๊ตญ์™ธ์—์„œ ์‚ด๊ณ 
14:49
living outside the country and traveling.
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์™ธ๊ตญ ์—ฌํ–‰์„ ํ•˜๋ฉฐ ๋ณด๋ƒˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
14:51
And when I came and settled in New York afterward,
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๋‚˜์ค‘์— ๋‰ด์š•์œผ๋กœ ๋Œ์•„์™€ ์ •์ฐฉํ–ˆ์„ ๋•Œ
14:53
I was worried that I would forget
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์ „ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ ์‹œ๊ธฐ ๋™์•ˆ์— ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ฐฐ์šด
14:55
some of the most important lessons that I learned during that time.
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๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๊ตํ›ˆ์„ ์žŠ์„๊นŒ ๊ฑฑ์ •ํ–ˆ์ฃ 
14:58
Specifically the two things I learned about myself
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ํŠนํžˆ ์ € ์ž์‹ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋ฐฐ์šด
15:01
that I most didn't want to forget
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๊ฐ€์žฅ ์žŠ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๋˜ ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋Š”
15:03
was how important it felt to keep exploring
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๊ณ„์† ํƒํ—˜์„ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ์ค‘์š”ํ•˜๊ณ 
15:06
and, simultaneously, how important it is
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋˜ํ•œ, ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ๋“  ์ž์‹ ๋งŒ์˜ ์ง„์ •ํ•œ ๋ถ์ชฝ์„
15:09
to somehow keep an eye on your own true north.
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๊ณ„์† ๋ฐ”๋ผ๋ณด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ธ์ง€์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
15:12
And what I loved about this image of the compass
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ด ๋‚˜์นจ๋ฐ˜ ์ด๋ฏธ์ง€๋ฅผ ์ข‹์•„ํ–ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์€
15:14
was that I felt like it encapsulated both of these ideas
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์ด๊ฒƒ์ด ์ € ๋‘ ์•„์ด๋””์–ด๋ฅผ ๋ชจ๋‘
15:16
in one simple image.
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์ด ๋‹จ์ˆœํ•œ ํ•œ ๊ทธ๋ฆผ์œผ๋กœ ํ•จ์ถ•ํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋Š๊ผˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ 
15:19
And I thought it might serve as a kind of permanent mnemonic device.
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๋˜ํ•œ ์ผ์ข…์˜ ๊ธฐ์–ต์„ ๋•๋Š” ์žฅ์น˜๋กœ์„œ ์—ญํ• ์„ ํ•  ๊ฑฐ๋กœ ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ๋˜ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
15:23
Well it did.
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์‚ฌ์‹ค, ๊ทธ ์—ญํ• ์„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
15:25
But it turns out, it doesn't remind me of the thing I thought it would;
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๋‹ค๋งŒ, ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ด ํ™˜๊ธฐํ•ด์ฃผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ณ 
15:28
it reminds me constantly of something else instead.
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๊ทธ ๋Œ€์‹  ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๊ณ„์† ์ƒ๊ฐ๋‚˜๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ฃผ๋”๊ตฐ์š”
15:32
It actually reminds me
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์ด๊ฑด ์‚ฌ์‹ค ์ œ๊ฒŒ ํ›„ํšŒ๊ฐ€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒŒ
15:34
of the most important lesson regret can teach us,
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๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํฐ ๊ตํ›ˆ์„ ์ƒ๊ฐ๋‚˜๊ฒŒ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
15:37
which is also one of the most important lessons life teaches us.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋˜ํ•œ ์‚ถ์ด ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํฐ ๊ตํ›ˆ์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ฃ 
15:40
And ironically, I think it's probably the single most important thing
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์•„์ด๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆํ•˜๊ฒŒ๋„, ์•„๋งˆ๋„ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ œ ๋ชธ์— ์ƒˆ๊ธธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š”
15:43
I possibly could have tattooed onto my body --
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๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด๋ผ๊ณ ๋„ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
15:46
partly as a writer,
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์ผ๋ถ€๋ถ„์€ ์ž‘๊ฐ€๋กœ์„œ
15:48
but also just as a human being.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋˜ํ•œ ๊ทธ์ € ํ•œ ์ธ๊ฐ„์œผ๋กœ์„œ ๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
15:50
Here's the thing,
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์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๊ฑด ์ด๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
15:54
if we have goals
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ฟˆ๊ณผ ๋ชฉํ‘œ๋ฅผ
15:56
and dreams,
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๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ๊ณ 
15:58
and we want to do our best,
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์ตœ์„ ์„ ๋‹คํ•˜๊ณ ์ž ํ•œ๋‹ค๋ฉด,
16:02
and if we love people
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋ฉฐ ๊ทธ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ
16:04
and we don't want to hurt them or lose them,
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์ƒ์ฒ˜ ์ฃผ๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๊ทธ๋“ค์„ ์žƒ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์ง€ ์•Š๋‹ค๋ฉด
16:06
we should feel pain when things go wrong.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ผ์ด ์ž˜๋ชป๋˜์—ˆ์„ ๋•Œ ์•„ํ””์„ ๋Š๊ปด์•ผ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
16:10
The point isn't to live without any regrets.
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์–ด๋–ค ํ›„ํšŒ๋„ ์—†์ด ์‚ฌ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
16:14
The point is to not hate ourselves for having them.
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ํ›„ํšŒํ•œ๋‹ค ํ•ด๋„ ์ž์‹ ์„ ๋ฏธ์›Œํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ค‘์š”ํ•˜์ฃ 
16:18
The lesson that I ultimately learned from my tattoo
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ด ๋ฌธ์‹ ์œผ๋กœ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ๊ถ๊ทน์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐฐ์šด ๊ฒƒ,
16:20
and that I want to leave you with today
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์˜ค๋Š˜ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๊ป˜ ์ „ํ•˜๊ณ ์ž ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€
16:22
is this:
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์ด๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
16:24
We need to learn to love
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด๋‚ธ ๊ฒฐ์ ,
16:26
the flawed, imperfect things
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๋ถˆ์™„์ „ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์„ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฒ•์„
16:28
that we create
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๋ฐฐ์›Œ์•ผ ํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด๋‚ธ
16:30
and to forgive ourselves for creating them.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์ž์‹ ์„ ์šฉ์„œํ•  ์ค„ ์•Œ์•„์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
16:34
Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly.
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ํ›„ํšŒ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ž˜๋ชปํ–ˆ์Œ์„ ์•Œ๋ฆฌ๋ ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
16:37
It reminds us that we know we can do better.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋” ์ž˜ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ๋ ค์ฃผ๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ 
16:40
Thank you.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
16:42
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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