Roberto D'Angelo + Francesca Fedeli: In our baby's illness, a life lesson

121,907 views

2013-07-24 ・ TED


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Roberto D'Angelo + Francesca Fedeli: In our baby's illness, a life lesson

121,907 views ・ 2013-07-24

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:13
Francesca Fedeli: Ciao.
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So he's Mario. He's our son.
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He was born two and a half years ago,
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and I had a pretty tough pregnancy
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because I had to stay still in a bed for, like, eight months.
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But in the end everything seemed to be under control.
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So he got the right weight at birth.
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He got the right Apgar index.
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So we were pretty reassured by this.
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But at the end, 10 days later after he was born,
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we discovered that he had a stroke.
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As you might know,
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a stroke is a brain injury.
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A perinatal stroke could be something
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that can happen during the nine months of pregnancy
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or just suddenly after the birth,
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and in his case, as you can see,
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the right part of his brain has gone.
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So the effect that this stroke could have on Mario's body
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could be the fact that he couldn't be able to control
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the left side of his body.
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Just imagine, if you have a computer and a printer
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and you want to transmit, to input to print out a document,
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but the printer doesn't have the right drives,
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so the same is for Mario.
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It's just like, he would like to move his left side
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of his body, but he's not able to transmit the right input
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to move his left arm and left leg.
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So life had to change.
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We needed to change our schedule.
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We needed to change the impact that this birth had
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on our life.
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Roberto D'Angelo: As you may imagine,
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unfortunately, we were not ready.
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Nobody taught us how to deal with such kinds of disabilities,
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and as many questions as possible started
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to come to our minds.
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And that has been really a tough time.
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Questions, some basics, like, you know,
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why did this happen to us?
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And what went wrong?
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Some more tough, like, really,
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what will be the impact on Mario's life?
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I mean, at the end, will he be able to work?
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Will he be able to be normal?
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And, you know, as a parent, especially for the first time,
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why is he not going to be better than us?
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And this, indeed, really is tough to say,
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but a few months later, we realized that
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we were really feeling like a failure.
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I mean, the only real product of our life,
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at the end, was a failure.
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And you know, it was not a failure for ourselves in itself,
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but it was a failure that will impact his full life.
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Honestly, we went down.
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I mean we went really down, but at the end,
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we started to look at him,
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and we said, we have to react.
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So immediately, as Francesca said, we changed our life.
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We started physiotherapy, we started the rehabilitation,
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and one of the paths that we were following
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in terms of rehabilitation is the mirror neurons pilot.
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Basically, we spent months doing this with Mario.
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You have an object, and we showed him
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how to grab the object.
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Now, the theory of mirror neurons simply says
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that in your brains, exactly now, as you watch me doing this,
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you are activating exactly the same neurons
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as if you do the actions.
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It looks like this is the leading edge in terms of rehabilitation.
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But one day we found that Mario
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was not looking at our hand.
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He was looking at us.
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We were his mirror.
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And the problem, as you might feel,
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is that we were down, we were depressed,
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we were looking at him as a problem,
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not as a son, not from a positive perspective.
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And that day really changed our perspective.
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We realized that we had to become
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a better mirror for Mario.
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We restarted from our strengths,
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and at the same time we restarted from his strengths.
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We stopped looking at him as a problem,
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and we started to look at him as an opportunity to improve.
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And really, this was the change,
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and from our side, we said,
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"What are our strengths that we really can bring to Mario?"
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And we started from our passions.
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I mean, at the end, my wife and myself
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are quite different,
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but we have many things in common.
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We love to travel, we love music,
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we love to be in places like this,
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and we started to bring Mario with us
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just to show to him the best things that we can show to him.
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This short video is from last week.
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I am not saying --
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(Applause) —
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I am not saying it's a miracle. That's not the message,
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because we are just at the beginning of the path.
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But we want to share what was the key learning,
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the key learning that Mario drove to us,
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and it is to consider what you have as a gift
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and not only what you miss,
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and to consider what you miss just as an opportunity.
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And this is the message that we want to share with you.
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This is why we are here.
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Mario!
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And this is why --
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(Applause) —
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And this is why
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we decided to share the best mirror in the world with him.
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And we thank you so much, all of you.
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FF: Thank you. RD: Thank you. Bye.
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(Applause)
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FF: Thank you. (Applause)
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