How important is politeness? ⏲️ 6 Minute English

71,458 views ・ 2025-06-05

BBC Learning English


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:07
Hello, this is 6 Minute English from BBC Learning English. I'm Neil.
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And I'm Beth.
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In this programme, we're talking about politeness.
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Britain has a reputation for being a polite place
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where children are told to say please and thank you,
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but in real life that isn't always true.
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You, give me that pen!
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I'm sorry. That was a bit rude.
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Well, what should I have said?
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How about – Neil, please could you pass me the pen?
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Fine. Neil, could you please pass me the pen?
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There you go! That's much better.
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Now listen, as BBC Radio 4 presenter Michael Rosen, who is a well-known poet
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and children's author in Britain, describes what happened to him one day
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Recently, this is how it went.
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A boy was walking past me in the street, stopped and said,
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Hey, you're thingy, innit!
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Now, that one seems to break all the rules.
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And because it broke the rules, it gave me a problem.
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How do I answer it?
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A boy saw Michael Rosen and said, Hey, you're thingy, innit!
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He used the word, thingy,
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because although he recognised Michael, he couldn't remember his name.
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He also said innit, which is short for isn't it, to emphasise what he'd said.
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So, was the boy being impolite
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or was he just happy meeting a famous person in the street?
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And why do we teach kids to be polite in the first place?
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That's what we'll be discussing in this programme,
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using some useful new vocabulary.
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01:34
But first, I have a question for you, Neil.
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The British are well known for being polite, as we've said,
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and there's even an idiom we use in certain situations to remind someone
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to be especially polite.
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But what is it?
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Is it: a) mind your As and Bs, b) mind your Ps and Qs,
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or c) mind your Xs and Ys?
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Well, I know the answer to this,
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but I'm going to say c) mind your Xs and Ys, because I think it's brilliant.
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OK. Interesting!
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Well, we'll find out the correct answer later in the programme.
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So, let's return to the boy who said, Hey, you're thingy innit!
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to famous poet Michael Rosen.
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Was that impolite or not?
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Professor Louise Mullany, who studies the language of politeness,
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has an answer.
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She thinks that politeness is as much to do
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with the person being spoken to as the person speaking,
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as she explained to BBC Radio 4 programme, Word of Mouth.
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I think the crucial thing there is in how you've perceived it.
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So, obviously he's not giving us the conventional,
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Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Rosen, or a more formal approach.
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It's very, very informal...
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and he can't remember your name, and he's saying, innit!
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Now, that has been interpreted by you as non-threatening to you.
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You don't see him as insulting you,
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and you're actually quite kindly disposed to that person.
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So, you haven't interpreted it as offensive or aggressive.
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You said – I think you described it as being quite civil, actually.
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Michael Rosen didn't feel that the boy was insulting him.
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To insult someone means to be rude or offensive to them.
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Although his speech was very informal,
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Michael thought the boy was actually pleased to see him, not rude at all.
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Michael was well disposed to the boy – he liked and approved of him.
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So, you could say that politeness is subjective.
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If Michael doesn't feel offended, then where is the offence?
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Then why do we teach children to be polite at all?
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Well, according to Professor Mulaney, it's to do with the rules of society.
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That's right. Louise thinks that by teaching our kids politeness,
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they enjoy the benefits of being accepted in society.
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So, imagine how embarrassed she felt when her two-year-old daughter
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repeatedly ignored the cook at her nursery school and refused to say hello.
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Here's Louise Melanie telling the story to BBC Radio 4's Word of Mouth.
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The cook looked so disappointed.
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And as I mention in the book, it felt to me like there were lots
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of other children skipping – skipping and jumping past going hello,
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being really friendly children, and my daughter was just there.
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And we started to make excuses for her like – Oh, she's tired.
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Oh, she's teething. She's this and she's that.
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Because the embarrassment was so strong.
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And I felt awful walking back past the kitchen on my way out.
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I was almost trying to hide my face, going –
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I'm the one with the really rude child.
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When her daughter didn't say hello to an adult, Louise made excuses for her.
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If you make excuses for someone,
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you try to explain the reasons for their behaviour.
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For example, Louise said her daughter was tired,
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she was growing new teeth, she was this and that.
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The idiom, this and that, can be used to describe various unspecified things.
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For example, if someone asks what you did this afternoon,
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you might reply – Oh, not much.
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I stayed at home, I watched TV, I did this and that.
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04:53
Politeness means different things to different people,
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but we still like it when people are polite to us, and I think
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the polite thing to do now is reveal the answer to my question, Neil.
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05:04
So, the idiom that we use to remind someone to be polite is...
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05:10
not mind your Xs and Ys – I'm sorry, Neil.
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05:13
It's mind your Ps and Qs.
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05:14
That's a shame. Xs and Ys is much better.
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05:18
OK. Now, let's recap the vocabulary we've learnt,
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starting with 'thingy', an informal word that's used
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if you can't remember someone's or something's name.
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People also use the slang words, 'what's-his-name' or 'what's-her-name',
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for the same reason.
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05:34
'Innit' is a short form of the tag question, isn't it.
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05:37
It's used to add emphasis to a statement.
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The adjective 'insulting' means rude or offensive.
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If you are well disposed to someone you like and approve of them.
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When you make excuses for someone,
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you explain the reasons for their bad behaviour.
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05:53
And finally, the idiom 'this and that' describes various unspecified things.
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05:58
Once again, our six minutes are up,
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but why not test yourself with the programme quiz and worksheet,
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06:03
available now on our website bbclearningenglish.com.
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06:06
Goodbye for now. Bye!
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