The beauty of being a misfit | Lidia Yuknavitch

524,445 views ใƒป 2016-06-15

TED


ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุฃุฏู†ุงู‡ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ.

ุงู„ู…ุชุฑุฌู…: Ahmad Hamdan ุงู„ู…ุฏู‚ู‘ู‚: Hani Eldalees
00:12
So I know TED is about a lot of things that are big,
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ุฃุนู„ู… ุฃู† TED ูŠุฏูˆุฑ ุญูˆู„ ุงู„ูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุงู„ู‡ุงู…ุฉ ูˆุงู„ู…ู„ู‡ู…ุฉุŒ
00:16
but I want to talk to you about something very small.
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู†ูŠ ุฃุฑูŠุฏ ุงู„ุชุญุฏุซ ุฅู„ูŠูƒู… ุนู† ุดูŠุก ุตุบูŠุฑ ุฌุฏุงู‹.
00:20
So small, it's a single word.
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ุตุบูŠุฑ ุฌุฏุงู‹ุŒ ูˆุนู„ู‰ ู‡ูŠุฆุฉ ูƒู„ู…ุฉ ูˆุงุญุฏุฉ.
00:23
The word is "misfit."
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ุงู„ูƒู„ู…ุฉ ู‡ูŠ "ุบูŠุฑ ู…ู„ุงุฆู…".
00:25
It's one of my favorite words, because it's so literal.
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ุฅู†ู‡ุง ูˆุงุญุฏุฉ ู…ู† ูƒู„ู…ุงุชูŠ ุงู„ู…ูุถู„ุฉุŒ ู„ุฃู†ู‡ุง ูƒู„ู…ุฉ ูˆุงู‚ุนูŠุฉ ูˆู…ูˆุถูˆุนูŠุฉ ู„ู„ุบุงูŠุฉ.
00:29
I mean, it's a person who sort of missed fitting in.
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ูˆุฃุนู†ูŠุŒ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู†ูˆุนุงู‹ ู…ุง ุชุฏู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุดุฎุต ุฃุถุงุน ูุฑุตุฉ ุงู„ุงู†ุฏู…ุงุฌ ูˆุงู„ุงู†ุณุฌุงู….
00:33
Or a person who fits in badly.
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ุฃูˆ ุชุฏู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุดุฎุต ูŠู†ุฏู…ุฌ ูˆูŠู†ุณุฌู… ูˆู„ูƒู† ุจุดูƒู„ ุณูŠุก.
00:36
Or this: "a person who is poorly adapted
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ุฃูˆ ุชุฏู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุดุฎุต ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุชูƒูŠู ุจุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ู…ุฒุฑูŠุฉ
00:39
to new situations and environments."
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ู…ุน ุงู„ุจูŠุฆุงุช ูˆุงู„ุฃูˆุถุงุน ุงู„ุฌุฏูŠุฏุฉ.
00:43
I'm a card-carrying misfit.
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ุฃู†ุง ุฃุญู…ู„ ุจุทุงู‚ุฉ ุนุฏู… ุงู„ู…ู„ุงุกู…ุฉ.
00:46
And I'm here for the other misfits in the room,
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ูˆุฃู†ุง ู‡ู†ุง ู…ู† ุฃุฌู„ ู…ู† ู‡ู… ุนู„ู‰ ุบุฑุงุฑูŠ ููŠ ุงู„ู‚ุงุนุฉุŒ
00:49
because I'm never the only one.
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ุฅุฐ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู„ุณุช ุงู„ุดุฎุต ุงู„ูˆุญูŠุฏ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฅุทู„ุงู‚.
00:51
I'm going to tell you a misfit story.
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ุณุฃุญูƒูŠ ู„ูƒู… ู‚ุตุฉ ุนู† ููƒุฑุฉ ุนุฏู… ุงู„ู…ู„ุงุกู…ุฉ.
00:55
Somewhere in my early 30s,
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ุชู‚ุฑูŠุจุง ูˆุฃู†ุง ููŠ ุจุฏุงูŠุฉ ุงู„ุซุงู„ุซูŠู† ู…ู† ุนู…ุฑูŠุŒ
00:57
the dream of becoming a writer came right to my doorstep.
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ุฌุงุก ุญู„ู…ูŠ ุฃู† ุฃุตุจุญ ูƒุงุชุจุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ุนุชุจุฉ ู…ู†ุฒู„ูŠ.
01:02
Actually, it came to my mailbox
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ููŠ ุงู„ูˆุงู‚ุนุŒ ุฌุงุก ุฅู„ู‰ ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุจุฑูŠุฏูŠ
01:03
in the form of a letter that said I'd won a giant literary prize
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ุนู„ู‰ ู‡ูŠุฆุฉ ุฑุณุงู„ุฉ ุฐูƒุฑ ููŠู‡ุง ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู‚ุฏ ุญุตู„ุช ุนู„ู‰ ุฌุงุฆุฒุฉ ุฃุฏุจูŠุฉ ุนู…ู„ุงู‚ุฉ
01:07
for a short story I had written.
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ู„ู‚ุตุฉ ู‚ุตูŠุฑุฉ ูƒู†ุช ู‚ุฏ ูƒุชุจุชู‡ุง ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุงุถูŠ.
01:10
The short story was about my life as a competitive swimmer
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ูƒุงู†ุช ุงู„ู‚ุตุฉ ุงู„ู‚ุตูŠุฑุฉ ุนู† ุญูŠุงุชูŠ ูƒุณุจุงุญุฉ ุชู†ุงูุณูŠุฉ
01:14
and about my crappy home life,
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ูˆุนู† ุญูŠุงุชูŠ ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„ูŠุฉ ุงู„ู…ุฒุฑูŠุฉุŒ
01:17
and a little bit about how grief and loss can make you insane.
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ูˆู‚ู„ูŠู„ุงู‹ ุนู† ูƒูŠู ูŠู…ูƒู† ู„ู„ู„ุญุฒู† ูˆุงู„ุฎุณุงุฑุฉ ู€ู† ูŠุฌุนู„ุงูƒ ู…ุฌู†ูˆู†ุงู‹.
01:23
The prize was a trip to New York City to meet big-time editors and agents
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ูˆูƒุงู†ุช ุงู„ุฌุงุฆุฒุฉ ุนุจุงุฑุฉ ุนู† ุฑุญู„ุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒ ู„ู„ู‚ุงุก ู†ุฎุจุฉ ู…ู† ุฑุคุณุงุก ูˆูˆูƒู„ุงุก ุงู„ุชุญุฑูŠุฑ
01:28
and other authors.
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ูˆู…ุคู„ููŠู† ุขุฎุฑูŠู†.
01:30
So kind of it was the wannabe writer's dream, right?
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ุฅุฐ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ู†ูˆุนุงู‹ ู…ุง ุญู„ู… ุฌู…ูŠุน ุงู„ูƒุชุงุจ ุงู„ุฌุฏุฏุŒ ุฃู„ูŠุณ ูƒุฐู„ูƒุŸ
01:34
You know what I did the day the letter came to my house?
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ู‡ู„ ุชุนุฑููˆู† ู…ุง ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูุนู„ุชู‡ ููŠ ุงู„ูŠูˆู… ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูˆุตู„ุช ููŠู‡ ุงู„ุฑุณุงู„ุฉ ุฅู„ู‰ ุจูŠุชูŠุŸ
01:38
Because I'm me,
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ูˆู„ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุฃุชุตุฑู ุนู„ู‰ ุทุจูŠุนุชูŠุŒ
01:39
I put the letter on my kitchen table,
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ูˆุถุนุช ุงู„ุฑุณุงู„ุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ุทุงูˆู„ุฉ ุงู„ู…ุทุจุฎุŒ
01:42
I poured myself a giant glass of vodka
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ูˆุณูƒุจุช ู„ู†ูุณูŠ ูƒูˆุจุงู‹ ุนู…ู„ุงู‚ุง ู…ู† ุงู„ููˆุฏูƒุง
01:45
with ice and lime,
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ู…ุน ุงู„ุซู„ุฌ ูˆุญุงู…ุถ ู„ูŠู…ูˆู†ุŒ
01:48
and I sat there in my underwear for an entire day,
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ูˆุฌู„ุณุช ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ููŠ ู…ู„ุงุจุณูŠ ุงู„ุฏุงุฎู„ูŠุฉ ูˆู„ู…ุฏุฉ ูŠูˆู… ูƒุงู…ู„ุŒ
01:52
just staring at the letter.
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ุฃุญุฏู‚ ููŠ ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ุฑุณุงู„ุฉ ูู‚ุท.
01:56
I was thinking about all the ways I'd already screwed my life up.
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ูƒู†ุช ุฃููƒุฑ ููŠ ูƒู„ ุงู„ุทุฑู‚ ุงู„ุชูŠ ู…ู† ุฎู„ุงู„ู‡ุง ู‚ู…ุช ุจู‡ุฏุฑ ุญูŠุงุชูŠ.
01:59
Who the hell was I to go to New York City
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ู…ู† ุฃู†ุง ู„ุฃุฐู‡ุจ ุฅู„ู‰ ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ ู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒ
02:02
and pretend to be a writer?
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ูˆุฃุฏุนูŠ ุจุฃู†ู†ูŠ ูƒุงุชุจุฉุŸ
02:05
Who was I?
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ู…ู† ุฃู†ุง ู„ุฃูุนู„ ุฐู„ูƒุŸ
02:07
I'll tell you.
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ุณูˆู ุฃุฎุจุฑูƒู….
02:08
I was a misfit.
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ูƒู†ุช ุบูŠุฑ ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ุฉ ููŠ ุงู„ู…ุงุถูŠ
02:10
Like legions of other children,
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ู…ุซู„ ุญุดูˆุฏ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฃุทูุงู„ ุงู„ุขุฎุฑูŠู†ุŒ
02:13
I came from an abusive household
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ุฌุฆุช ู…ู† ุฃุณุฑุฉ ู…ุณูŠุฆุฉ ูˆู…ุคุฐูŠุฉ
02:16
that I narrowly escaped with my life.
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ุฅุฐ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุจุงู„ูƒุงุฏ ุงุณุชุทุนุช ุงู„ู†ุฌุงุฉ ุจุญูŠุงุชูŠ.
02:19
I already had two epically failed marriages underneath my belt.
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ู…ุฑุฑุช ุจุชุฌุฑุจุชูŠู† ู…ู„ุญู…ูŠุชูŠู† ุฎุงุฆุจุชูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ุฒูˆุงุฌ.
02:24
I'd flunked out of college not once but twice
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ูˆุชุฑูƒุช ุงู„ุฌุงู…ุนุฉ ู„ูŠุณ ู„ู…ุฑุฉ ูˆุงุญุฏุฉ ุจู„ ู„ู…ุฑุชูŠู†
02:27
and maybe even a third time that I'm not going to tell you about.
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ูˆุฑุจู…ุง ู„ู…ุฑุฉ ุซุงู„ุซุฉ ูˆู„ูƒู†ู†ูŠ ู„ู† ุฃู‚ูˆู„ ู„ูƒู… ุนู†ู‡ุง.
02:30
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
02:32
And I'd done an episode of rehab for drug use.
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ูˆู…ุฑุฑุช ุจู…ุฑุญู„ุฉ ุชุฃู‡ูŠู„ ู„ุชุนุงุทูŠ ุงู„ู…ุฎุฏุฑุงุช.
02:36
And I'd had two lovely staycations in jail.
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ูˆู‚ุถูŠุช ุฑุญู„ุชูŠู† ุฌู…ูŠู„ุชูŠู† ููŠ ุงู„ุณุฌู†.
02:42
So I'm on the right stage.
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ู„ุฐุง ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ุณุฑุญ ุงู„ู…ู†ุงุณุจ.
02:45
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
02:48
But the real reason, I think, I was a misfit,
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู†ูŠ ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู† ุงู„ุณุจุจ ุงู„ุญู‚ูŠู‚ูŠ ู„ูƒูˆู†ูŠ ุบูŠุฑ ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ุฉุŒ
02:52
is that my daughter died the day she was born,
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ู‡ูˆ ูˆูุงุฉ ุงุจู†ุชูŠ ุญุงู„ ูˆู„ุงุฏุชู‡ุงุŒ
02:55
and I hadn't figured out how to live with that story yet.
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ูˆู„ู… ุฃูƒุชุดู ุจุนุฏ ูƒูŠููŠุฉ ุงู„ุนูŠุด ู…ุน ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู…ุฃุณุงุฉ.
03:00
After my daughter died I also spent a long time homeless,
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ู‚ุถูŠุช ูˆุจุนุฏ ูˆูุงุฉ ุงุจู†ุชูŠ ูˆู‚ุชุง ุทูˆูŠู„ุงู‹ ุจู„ุง ู…ุฃูˆู‰ุŒ
03:05
living under an overpass
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ุฃุนูŠุด ุชุญุช ุฃุญุฏ ุงู„ุฌุณูˆุฑ
03:07
in a kind of profound state of zombie grief and loss
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ููŠ ู†ูˆุน ู…ู† ุญุงู„ุฉ ุญุฒู† ูˆุฎุณุงุฑุฉ ุนู…ูŠู‚ุฉ
03:11
that some of us encounter along the way.
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ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุตุงุฏูู‡ุง ุงู„ุจุนุถ ู…ู†ุง ุฎู„ุงู„ ุญูŠุงุชู‡.
03:14
Maybe all of us, if you live long enough.
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ูˆุฑุจู…ุง ูƒู„ ูˆุงุญุฏ ู…ู†ุงุŒ ุฅุฐุง ูƒู†ุช ู„ุชุนูŠุด ู„ูุชุฑุฉ ูƒุงููŠุฉ.
03:18
You know, homeless people are some of our most heroic misfits,
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ุฃุชุนู„ู…ูˆู†ุŒ ุงู„ู…ุดุฑุฏูˆู† ู‡ู… ุฃูƒุซุฑ ุงู„ุงุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ูŠู† ุจุทูˆู„ุฉู‹ ุจูŠู†ู†ุงุŒ
03:22
because they start out as us.
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ู„ุฃู†ู‡ู… ูŠุจุฏุคูˆู† ุนู„ู‰ ุดุงูƒู„ุชู†ุง.
03:26
So you see, I'd missed fitting in to just about every category out there:
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ูˆูƒู…ุง ุชุฑูˆู†ุŒ ูู‚ุฏ ุถูŠุนุช ูุฑุตุฉ ุงู„ุงู†ุฏู…ุงุฌ ูˆุงู„ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ุฉ ู…ุน ู…ุนุธู… ุงู„ูุฆุงุช ุงู„ุงุฌุชู…ุงุนูŠุฉ:
03:32
daughter, wife, mother, scholar.
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ุงุจู†ุฉุŒ ุฒูˆุฌุฉุŒ ุฃู…ุŒ ุนุงู„ู…ุฉ.
03:37
And the dream of being a writer
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ูˆุญู„ู…ูŠ ุจุฃู† ุฃุตุจุญ ูƒุงุชุจุฉ
03:39
was really kind of like a small, sad stone in my throat.
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ูƒุงู† ููŠ ุงู„ุญู‚ูŠู‚ุฉ ู…ุซู„ุŒ ุญุฌุฑ ุตุบูŠุฑ ู…ุญุฒู† ููŠ ุญู„ู‚ูŠ.
03:46
It was pretty much in spite of myself that I got on that plane
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ูˆูƒุงู† ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฑุบู… ู…ู† ู†ูุณูŠ ูˆุฅู„ู‰ ุญุฏ ูƒุจูŠุฑุŒ ุฃู† ุตุนุฏุช ุชู„ูƒ ุงู„ุทุงุฆุฑุฉ
03:50
and flew to New York City,
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ูˆุญู„ู‚ุช ุฅู„ู‰ ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ ู†ูŠูˆูŠูˆุฑูƒุŒ
03:52
where the writers are.
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ุญูŠุซ ุงู„ู…ุคู„ููˆู†.
03:55
Fellow misfits, I can almost see your heads glowing.
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ุฒู…ู„ุงุฆูŠ ุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ูŠู†ุŒ ูŠู…ูƒู†ู†ูŠ ุชู‚ุฑูŠุจุงู‹ ุฑุคูŠุฉ ุฑุคูˆุณูƒู… ู…ุชูˆู‡ุฌุฉ.
03:58
I can pick you out of a room.
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ุฃุณุชุทูŠุน ุชู…ูŠูŠุฒูƒู… ููŠ ุบุฑูุฉ ู…ุง.
04:00
At first, you would've loved it.
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ููŠ ุงู„ุจุฏุงูŠุฉุŒ ูƒู†ุชู… ู„ุชุญุจูˆู† ุฐู„ูƒ.
04:03
You got to choose the three famous writers you wanted to meet,
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ูƒุงู† ู„ูƒ ุงุฎุชูŠุงุฑ ุซู„ุงุซุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุคู„ููŠู† ุงู„ู…ุดุงู‡ูŠุฑ ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠู† ุชุฑุบุจ ููŠ ู„ู‚ุงุฆู‡ู…ุŒ
04:06
and these guys went and found them for you.
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ูˆู‚ุงู… ู‡ุคู„ุงุก ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุจุฅูŠุฌุงุฏู‡ู… ู„ูƒ.
04:08
You got set up at the Gramercy Park Hotel,
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ูˆุงู„ุญุตูˆู„ ุนู„ู‰ ุฅู‚ุงู…ุฉ ููŠ ูู†ุฏู‚ ุบุฑุงู…ุฑุณู‰ ุจุงุฑูƒุŒ
04:11
where you got to drink Scotch late in the night
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ุญูŠุซ ุชุณุชุทูŠุน ุดุฑุจ ุงู„ุณูƒูˆุชุด ููŠ ูˆู‚ุช ู…ุชุฃุฎุฑ ู…ู† ุงู„ู„ูŠู„
04:14
with cool, smart, swank people.
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ู…ุน ุฃุดุฎุงุต ู„ุทูุงุกุŒ ุฃุฐูƒูŠุงุก ูˆู…ุชุจุงู‡ูŠู†.
04:16
And you got to pretend you were cool and smart and swank, too.
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ูˆูƒุงู† ุนู„ูŠูƒ ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ุงู„ุงุฏุนุงุก ุจุฃู†ูƒ ู„ุทูŠูุŒ ุฐูƒูŠ ูˆู…ุชุจุงู‡ ุฃูŠุถุงู‹
04:21
And you got to meet a bunch of editors and authors and agents
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ูˆุชู…ูƒู†ุช ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ู…ู† ู„ู‚ุงุก ู…ุฌู…ูˆุนุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุญุฑุฑูŠู† ูˆุงู„ู…ุคู„ููŠู† ูˆูˆูƒู„ุงุก ุงู„ู†ุดุฑ
04:24
at very, very fancy lunches and dinners.
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ุฎู„ุงู„ ูˆุฌุจุงุช ุงู„ุบุฏุงุก ูˆุงู„ุนุดุงุก ุงู„ูุงุฎุฑุฉ ู„ู„ุบุงูŠุฉ.
04:29
Ask me how fancy.
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ุฅุณุงู„ูˆู†ูŠ ุนู† ู…ุฏู‰ ูุฎุงู…ุชู‡ุงุŸ
04:31
Audience: How fancy?
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(ุงู„ุฌู…ู‡ูˆุฑ) ู…ุง ู…ุฏู‰ ูุฎุงู…ุชู‡ุงุŸ
04:34
Lidia Yuknavitch: I'm making a confession: I stole three linen napkins --
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ุณุฃุนุชุฑู ู„ูƒู… ุจุฃู…ุฑ: ู„ู‚ุฏ ู‚ู…ุช ุจุณุฑู‚ุฉ ุซู„ุงุซุฉ ู…ู†ุงุฏูŠู„ ู…ู† ุงู„ูƒุชุงู†
04:38
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
04:40
from three different restaurants.
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ู…ู† ุซู„ุงุซ ู…ุทุงุนู… ู…ุฎุชู„ูุฉ.
04:42
And I shoved a menu down my pants.
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ูˆู‚ู…ุช ุจูˆุถุน ู‚ุงุฆู…ุฉ ุงู„ุทุนุงู… ููŠ ุณุฑูˆุงู„ูŠ.
04:44
(Laughter)
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(ุถุญูƒ)
04:46
I just wanted some keepsakes so that when I got home,
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ุฃุฑุฏุช ูู‚ุท ุงู„ุงุญุชูุงุธ ุจุชุฐูƒุงุฑุงุช ู„ุญูŠู† ุนูˆุฏุชูŠ ุงู„ู‰ ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„ุŒ
04:50
I could believe it had really happened to me.
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ู„ุฃุชู…ูƒู† ู…ู† ุชุตุฏูŠู‚ ุญุฏูˆุซ ุฐู„ูƒ ู„ูŠ ุจุงู„ูุนู„.
04:53
You know?
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ู‡ู„ ูู‡ู…ุชู… ู‚ุตุฏูŠุŸ
04:55
The three writers I wanted to meet
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ุงู„ู…ุคู„ูุงุช ุงู„ุซู„ุงุซุฉ ูˆุงู„ู„ุงุชูŠ ุฑุบุจุช
04:57
were Carole Maso, Lynne Tillman and Peggy Phelan.
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ููŠ ู„ู‚ุงุฆู‡ู† ู‡ู† "ูƒุงุฑูˆู„ ู…ุงุณูˆ"ุŒ "ู„ูŠู† ุชูŠู„ู…ุงู†" ูˆ"ุจูŠุบูŠ ููŠู„ุงู†".
05:00
These were not famous, best-selling authors,
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ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุดุงู‡ูŠุฑุŒ ูˆู„ุง ุตุงุญุจุงุช ุฃูƒุซุฑ ุงู„ูƒุชุจ ู…ุจูŠุนุงู‹ุŒ
05:03
but to me, they were women-writer titans.
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ู„ูƒู† ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠุŒ ูƒู† ู…ู† ุนู…ุงู„ู‚ุฉ ุงู„ู…ุคู„ููŠุงุช ู…ู† ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก.
05:07
Carole Maso wrote the book that later became my art bible.
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ูƒุชุจุช "ูƒุงุฑูˆู„ ู…ุงุณูˆ" ุงู„ูƒุชุงุจ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฃุตุจุญ ู„ุงุญู‚ุงู‹ ุฏู„ูŠู„ูŠ ุงู„ูู†ูŠ.
05:12
Lynne Tillman gave me permission to believe
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ุฃุนุทุชู†ูŠ "ู„ูŠู† ุชูŠู„ู…ุงู†" ุฅุฐู†ุงู‹ ู„ู„ุงุนุชู‚ุงุฏ
05:14
that there was a chance my stories could be part of the world.
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ุจุฃู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ูุฑุตุฉ ู„ู‚ุตุตูŠ ุฃู† ุชุตุจุญ ุฌุฒุก ู…ู† ุงู„ุนุงู„ู….
05:18
And Peggy Phelan reminded me
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ูˆุฐูƒุฑุชู†ูŠ "ุจูŠุบูŠ ููŠู„ุงู†"
05:20
that maybe my brains could be more important than my boobs.
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ุฃู†ู‡ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ู„ุนู‚ู„ูŠ ุฃู† ูŠูƒูˆู† ุฃู‡ู… ุจูƒุซูŠุฑ ู…ู† ุฌุณุฏูŠ.
05:27
They weren't mainstream women writers,
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ู„ู… ูŠูƒู† ู…ู† ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ุงู„ูƒุงุชุจุงุช ููŠ ุงู„ุฃุฏุจ ูˆุงู„ุฎูŠุงู„ ุงู„ุนุงู…ุŒ
05:30
but they were cutting a path through the mainstream
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ูˆู„ูƒู† ุดู‚ู‚ู† ุทุฑูŠู‚ู‡ู†
05:34
with their body stories,
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ู…ู† ุฎู„ุงู„ ู…ุฌู…ูˆุนุฉ ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ุคู„ูุงุชุŒ
05:36
I like to think, kind of the way water cut the Grand Canyon.
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ูˆุฃุญุจ ุฃู† ุฃุนุชู‚ุฏ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ูƒุดู‚ ุงู„ู…ูŠุงู‡ ุทุฑูŠู‚ุงู‹ ู„ู‡ุง ููŠ ุงู„ูˆุงุฏูŠ ุงู„ุนุธูŠู….
05:41
It nearly killed me with joy
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ูƒุงู†ุช ุงู„ูุฑุญุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ูˆุดูƒ ุงู„ู‚ุถุงุก ุนู„ูŠ.
05:43
to hang out with these three over-50-year-old women writers.
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ู„ุฃุชู…ูƒู† ู…ู† ู„ู‚ุงุก ู…ุฌู…ูˆุนุฉ ุงู„ู…ุคู„ูุงุช ุงู„ุซู„ุงุซ ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠููˆู‚ ุนู…ุฑู‡ู† ุงู„ุฎู…ุณูŠู† ุนุงู…ุงู‹.
05:46
And the reason it nearly killed me with joy
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ูˆุณุจุจ ูƒูˆู†ูŠ ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ูุฑุญุฉ ุญุชู‰ ุงู„ู…ูˆุช
05:49
is that I'd never known a joy like that.
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ุฃู†ู†ูŠ ู„ู… ุงุฃุนุฑู ูุฑุญุฉ ู…ุซู„ู‡ุง ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„.
05:52
I'd never been in a room like that.
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ูˆู„ู… ุฃูƒู† ููŠ ุบุฑูุฉ ูƒู‡ุฐู‡ ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„.
05:54
My mother never went to college.
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ู„ู… ุชุฐู‡ุจ ุฃู…ูŠ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฌุงู…ุนุฉ ุฃุจุฏุงู‹.
05:56
And my creative career to that point
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ูˆู…ุณูŠุฑุชูŠ ุงู„ุฅุจุฏุงุนูŠุฉ ูˆู„ุบุงูŠุฉ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู†ู‚ุทุฉ
05:59
was a sort of small, sad, stillborn thing.
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ูƒุงู†ุช ู†ูˆุนุงู‹ ู…ุง ุตุบูŠุฑุฉุŒ ุญุฒูŠู†ุฉุŒ ูƒู…ูˆู„ูˆุฏ ู…ูŠุช.
06:05
So kind of in those first nights in New York I wanted to die there.
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ูˆููŠ ุงู„ู„ูŠุงู„ูŠ ุงู„ุงูˆู„ู‰ ุชู…ู†ูŠุช ู†ูˆุนุงู‹ ู…ุง ุงู„ู…ูˆุช ููŠ ู…ุฏูŠู†ุฉ ู†ูŠูˆ ูŠูˆุฑูƒ
06:08
I was just like, "Kill me now. I'm good. This is beautiful."
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ูˆุฃุญุณุณุช ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง "ุฃู‚ุชู„ู†ูŠ ุงู„ุขู†. ู„ุง ุฃู…ุงู†ุน. ู‡ุฐุง ุฑุงุฆุน."
06:13
Some of you in the room will understand what happened next.
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ุจุนุถูƒู… ู‡ู†ุง ุณูŠูู‡ู… ู…ุง ุณูŠุญุฏุซ ู„ุงุญู‚ุงู‹.
06:16
First, they took me to the offices of Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
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ุฃูˆู„ุงู‹. ุฑุงูู‚ูˆู†ูŠ ุฅู„ู‰ ู…ูƒุงุชุจ ุดุฑูƒุฉ "ูุงุฑุงุฑ ูˆุณุชุฑุงูˆุณ ูˆุฌูŠุฑูˆ" ู„ู„ู†ุดุฑ.
06:21
Farrar, Straus and Giroux was like my mega-dream press.
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ุงู„ุขู† ุดุฑูƒุฉ "ูุงุฑุงุฑ ูˆุณุชุฑุงูˆุณ ูˆุฌูŠุฑูˆ" ู„ู„ู†ุดุฑ ู‡ูŠ ุจู…ุซุงุจุฉ ุญู„ู… ุถุฎู… ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠ.
06:25
I mean, T.S. Eliot and Flannery O'Connor were published there.
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"ุชูˆู…ุงุณ ุณุชูŠุฑู†ุฒ ุฅู„ูŠูˆุช" ูˆ"ูู„ุงู†ุฑูŠ ุฃูˆูƒูˆู†ูˆุฑ" ุชู… ู†ุดุฑู‡ุง ู‡ู†ุงูƒ.
06:29
The main editor guy sat me down and talked to me for a long time,
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ุฌู„ุณ ู…ุนูŠ ุฑุฆูŠุณ ุงู„ุชุญุฑูŠุฑ ูˆู‚ุงู… ุจุงู„ุชุญุฏุซ ู…ุนูŠ ู„ู…ุฏุฉ ุทูˆูŠู„ุฉุŒ
06:33
trying to convince me I had a book in me
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ู…ุญุงูˆู„ุงู‹ ุฅู‚ู†ุงุนูŠ ุฃู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ูƒุชุงุจุงู‹ ููŠ ุฏุงุฎู„ูŠ.
06:36
about my life as a swimmer.
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ุนู† ุญูŠุงุชูŠ ูƒุณุจุงุญุฉ.
06:38
You know, like a memoir.
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ุนู„ู‰ ุดูƒู„ ู…ุฐูƒุฑุงุช.
06:40
The whole time he was talking to me,
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ุทูˆุงู„ ุงู„ูˆู‚ุช ูˆู‡ูˆ ูŠุชุญุฏุซ ุฅู„ูŠุŒ
06:42
I sat there smiling and nodding like a numb idiot,
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ูƒู†ุช ุฌุงู„ุณุฉ ูˆุฃู†ุง ุฃุจุชุณู… ูˆุฃู‡ุฒ ุฑุฃุณูŠ ูƒุญู…ู‚ุงุก ูุงู‚ุฏุฉ ู„ู„ุญุณุŒ
06:47
with my arms crossed over my chest,
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ูˆุฐุฑุงุนูŠ ู…ูƒุชูˆูุชุงู† ุนู„ู‰ ุตุฏุฑูŠุŒ
06:49
while nothing, nothing, nothing came out of my throat.
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ููŠ ุญูŠู† ู„ู… ูŠุฎุฑุฌ ุฃูŠ ุดูŠุก ู…ู† ุญู†ุฌุฑุชูŠ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฅุทู„ุงู‚.
06:55
So in the end, he patted me on the shoulder
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ูˆููŠ ุงู„ู†ู‡ุงูŠุฉุŒ ุฑุจุช ุนู„ู‰ ูƒุชููŠ
06:59
like a swim coach might.
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ูƒู…ุง ูŠูุนู„ ู…ุฏุฑุจ ุงู„ุณุจุงุญุฉ.
07:01
And he wished me luck
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ูˆุชู…ู†ู‰ ู„ูŠ ุงู„ุชูˆููŠู‚
07:03
and he gave me some free books
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ูˆุฃุนุทุงู†ูŠ ุจุนุถ ุงู„ูƒุชุจ ุงู„ู…ุฌุงู†ูŠุฉ
07:05
and he showed me out the door.
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ูˆุฑุงูู‚ู†ูŠ ุฅู„ู‰ ุฎุงุฑุฌ ุงู„ุจุงุจ.
07:09
Next, they took me to the offices of W.W. Norton,
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ูˆู…ู† ุซู… ุฑุงูู‚ูˆู†ูŠ ุฅู„ู‰ ู…ูƒุงุชุจ ุดุฑูƒุฉ "ูˆู„ูŠุงู… ูˆุงุฑุฏุฑ ู†ูˆุฑุชูˆู†" ู„ู„ู†ุดุฑุŒ
07:12
where I was pretty sure I'd be escorted from the building
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ูˆูƒู†ุช ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ู…ุชุฃูƒุฏุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู†ู‡ุง ุณุชุชู… ู…ุฑุงูู‚ูŠ ู„ุฎุงุฑุฌ ุงู„ู…ุจู†ู‰
07:15
just for wearing Doc Martens.
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ูู‚ุท ู„ุงุฑุชุฏุงุฆูŠ ุญุฐุงุก ู…ู† ู†ูˆุน "ุฏูˆูƒุชุฑ ู…ุงุฑุชู†ุฒ".
07:18
But that didn't happen.
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ูˆู„ูƒู† ุฐู„ูƒ ู„ู… ูŠุญุฏุซ.
07:20
Being at the Norton offices
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ูˆุฌูˆุฏูŠ ููŠ ู…ูƒุงุชุจ ุดุฑูƒุฉ "ูˆู„ูŠุงู… ูˆุงุฑุฏุฑ ู†ูˆุฑุชูˆู†" ู„ู„ู†ุดุฑ
07:22
felt like reaching up into the night sky and touching the moon
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ุฃู„ู‡ู…ู†ูŠ ุฅุญุณุงุณุงู‹ ูˆูƒุฃู†ู†ูŠ ุฃุญุงูˆู„ ุงู„ูˆุตูˆู„ ู„ูŠู„ุงู‹ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุณู…ุงุก ูˆู„ู…ุณ ุงู„ู‚ู…ุฑ
07:27
while the stars stitched your name across the cosmos.
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ุจูŠู†ู…ุง ุชู‚ูˆู… ุงู„ู†ุฌูˆู… ุจุญูŠุงูƒุฉ ุงุณู…ูƒ ููŠ ุฌู…ูŠุน ุฃู†ุญุงุก ุงู„ูƒูˆู†.
07:31
I mean, that's how big a deal it was to me.
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ุฃุนู†ูŠุŒ ู‡ุฐุง ู‡ูˆ ู…ุฏู‰ ุนุธู… ุงู„ุฃู…ุฑ ุจุงู„ู†ุณุจุฉ ู„ูŠ.
07:33
You get it?
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ู‡ู„ ูˆุตู„ุชูƒู… ุงู„ููƒุฑุฉุŸ
07:35
Their lead editor, Carol Houck Smith,
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ุงู‚ุชุฑุจุช ุฑุฆูŠุณุฉ ุชุญุฑูŠุฑ ุดุฑูƒุฉ "ู†ูˆุฑุชูˆู†"ุŒ "ูƒุงุฑูˆู„ ู‡ุงูˆูƒ ุณู…ูŠุซ"ุŒ
07:38
leaned over right in my face with these beady, bright, fierce eyes
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ู…ู† ูˆุฌู‡ูŠ ุชู…ุงู…ุงู‹ ุจุนูŠูˆู†ู‡ุง ุงู„ุฎุฑุฒูŠุฉุŒ ุงู„ุฐูƒูŠุฉุŒ ุงู„ุดุฑุณุฉ
07:42
and said, "Well, send me something then, immediately!"
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ูˆู‚ุงู„ุช "ุญุณู†ุงู‹ ุฅุฐุงุŒ ุฃุฑุณู„ูŠ ู„ูŠ ุดูŠุฆุงุŒ ููŠ ุงู„ุญุงู„"
07:46
See, now most people, especially TED people,
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ุงู„ุขู†ุŒ ู…ุนุธู… ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ูˆุฎุงุตุฉ ุงู„ุนุงู…ู„ูˆู† ููŠ TEDุŒ
07:48
would have run to the mailbox, right?
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ุณูŠู‡ุฑุนูˆู† ุฌุฑูŠุงู‹ ู„ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุงู„ุจุฑูŠุฏุŒ ุฃู„ูŠุณ ูƒุฐู„ูƒุŸ
07:51
It took me over a decade to even imagine
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ุงุณุชุบุฑู‚ ู…ู†ูŠ ุฐู„ูƒ ุฃูƒุซุฑ ู…ู† ุนุดุฑ ุณู†ูˆุงุช ุญุชู‰ ู„ุฃุชุฎูŠู„
07:54
putting something in an envelope and licking a stamp.
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ูˆุถุน ุดูŠุก ููŠ ู…ุบู„ู ูˆุงู„ู‚ูŠุงู… ุจู„ุนู‚ ุงู„ุทูˆุงุจุน.
08:00
On the last night,
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ูˆููŠ ุงู„ู„ูŠู„ุฉ ุงู„ุฃุฎูŠุฑุฉุŒ
08:02
I gave a big reading at the National Poetry Club.
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ู‚ุฏู…ุช ู‚ุฑุงุกุฉ ู…ุทูˆู„ุฉ ููŠ ู†ุงุฏูŠ ุงู„ุดุนุฑ ุงู„ูˆุทู†ูŠ.
08:06
And at the end of the reading,
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ูˆููŠ ู†ู‡ุงูŠุฉ ุงู„ู‚ุฑุงุกุฉุŒ
08:08
Katharine Kidde of Kidde, Hoyt & Picard Literary Agency,
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ู‚ุงู…ุช ูƒุงุซุฑูŠู† ูƒูŠุฏูŠ ู…ู† ูˆูƒุงู„ุฉ "ูƒูŠุฏูŠุŒ ู‡ูˆูŠุช ูˆุจูŠูƒุงุฑุฏ" ุงู„ุฃุฏุจูŠุฉุŒ
08:12
walked straight up to me and shook my hand
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ุจุงู„ู…ุฌูŠุก ุฅู„ูŠ ูˆู…ุตุงูุญุฉ ูŠุฏูŠ.
08:15
and offered me representation, like, on the spot.
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ูˆู‚ุฏู…ูˆุง ู„ูŠ ุงู„ุฑุนุงูŠุฉ ุงู„ุฃุฏุจูŠุฉุŒ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ููˆุฑ.
08:20
I stood there and I kind of went deaf.
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ูˆู‚ูุช ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ูˆุฃุตุงุจู†ูŠ ู†ูˆุน ู…ู† ุงู„ุตู…ู….
08:23
Has this ever happened to you?
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ู‡ู„ ุญุฏุซ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุดูŠุก ู„ูƒู… ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„ุŸ
08:25
And I almost started crying
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ูˆูƒู†ุช ุนู„ู‰ ูˆุดูƒ ุงู„ุจูƒุงุก
08:27
because all the people in the room were dressed so beautifully,
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ุฅุฐ ุฃู† ุฌู…ูŠุน ุงู„ุญุงุถุฑูŠู† ูƒุงู†ูˆุง ูŠุฑุชุฏูˆู† ุฃุฌู…ู„ ุงู„ุซูŠุงุจ
08:31
and all that came out of my mouth was:
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ูˆูƒู„ ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุฎุฑุฌ ู…ู† ูู…ูŠ ู‡ูˆ:
08:34
"I don't know. I have to think about it."
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"ู„ุง ุฃุนู„ู…. ูŠุฌุจ ุฃู† ุฃููƒุฑ ููŠ ุงู„ู…ูˆุถูˆุน."
08:38
And she said, "OK, then," and walked away.
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ูˆุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ู‚ุงู„ุชุŒ "ุญุณู†ุง ุฅุฐุงู‹" ูˆุบุงุฏุฑุช.
08:44
All those open hands out to me, that small, sad stone in my throat ...
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ูˆูƒู„ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ุฃูŠุงุฏูŠ ุงู„ู…ู…ุชุฏุฉ ู„ูŠุŒ ู…ุน ุฅุญุณุงุณ ุงู„ุญุฌุฑ ุงู„ุตุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ู…ุญุฒู† ููŠ ุญู„ู‚ูŠ
08:51
You see, I'm trying to tell you something about people like me.
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ููƒู…ุง ุชุฑูˆู† ูุฅู†ู†ูŠ ุฃุญุงูˆู„ ุฃู† ุฃุดุฑุญ ู„ูƒู… ุนู…ู† ู‡ู… ุนู„ู‰ ุดุงูƒู„ุชูŠ.
08:55
Misfit people -- we don't always know how to hope or say yes
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ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ูˆู†-- ู„ุงู†ุนู„ู… ุฏุงุฆู…ุง ูƒูŠู ู†ุฃู…ู„ ุฃูˆ ู†ู‚ูˆู„ ู†ุนู…
08:59
or choose the big thing,
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ุฃูˆ ู†ุฎุชุงุฑ ุงู„ุดูŠุก ุงู„ู…ู…ูŠุฒุŒ
09:01
even when it's right in front of us.
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ูˆุญุชู‰ ูˆุงู† ูƒุงู† ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ุดูŠุก ุฃู…ุงู…ู†ุง ู…ุจุงุดุฑุฉู‹.
09:03
It's a shame we carry.
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ุฅู†ู‡ ุฎุฒูŠ ู†ู‚ูˆู… ุจุญู…ู„ู‡.
09:04
It's the shame of wanting something good.
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ุฅู†ู‡ ุงู„ุฎุฒูŠ ู…ู† ุฑุบุจุฉ ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก ุงู„ู…ู…ูŠุฒุฉ.
09:06
It's the shame of feeling something good.
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ุฅู†ู‡ ุงู„ุฎุฒูŠ ู…ู† ุงู„ุฅุญุณุงุณ ุจุดูŠุก ู…ู…ูŠุฒ.
09:08
It's the shame of not really believing we deserve to be in the room
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ุฅู†ู‡ ุงู„ุฎุฒูŠ ู…ู† ุนุฏู… ุงุนุชู‚ุงุฏู†ุง ุจุฃู†ู†ุง ู†ุณุชุญู‚ ุงู„ุฌู„ูˆุณ ููŠ ู†ูุณ ุงู„ุบุฑูุฉ
09:13
with the people we admire.
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ู…ุน ุงู„ุฃุดุฎุงุต ุงู„ุฐูŠู† ู†ุนุฌุจ ุจู‡ู….
09:16
If I could, I'd go back and I'd coach myself.
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ู„ูˆ ุงุณุชุทุนุชุŒ ู„ุนุฏุช ูˆู„ู‚ู…ุช ุจุชุฏุฑูŠุจ ู†ูุณูŠ.
09:19
I'd be exactly like those over-50-year-old women who helped me.
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ูˆุฃุตุจุญุช ู…ุซู„ ุงู„ู†ุณุงุก ุงู„ู„ุงุชูŠ ู‚ุฏู…ู† ู„ูŠ ุงู„ู…ุณุงุนุฏุฉ ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠุชุฌุงูˆุฒ ุนู…ุฑู‡ู† ุงู„ุฎู…ุณูŠู† ุนุงู…ุงู‹.
09:23
I'd teach myself how to want things,
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ูˆู„ุนู„ู…ุช ู†ูุณูŠ ูƒูŠููŠุฉ ุงู„ุฑุบุจุฉ ููŠ ุงู„ุฃุดูŠุงุก.
09:25
how to stand up, how to ask for them.
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ูˆูƒูŠููŠุฉ ุงู„ุฅู‚ุจุงู„ ูˆุงู„ู‚ูŠุงู… ุจุทู„ุจ ู…ุง ุฃุฑุบุจ ููŠู‡.
09:28
I'd say, "You! Yeah, you! You belong in the room, too."
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ูƒู†ุช ุณุฃู‚ูˆู„: "ุฃู†ุช. ู†ุนู… ุฃู†ุช. ุฃู†ุช ุชู†ุชู…ูŠ ู„ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‚ุงุนุฉ ุฃูŠุถุงู‹"
09:32
The radiance falls on all of us,
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ุนู†ุฏู‡ุง ุณูŠุณู„ุท ุงู„ุถูˆุก ุนู„ู‰ ูƒู„ ูˆุงุญุฏ ู…ู†ุงุŒ
09:34
and we are nothing without each other.
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ูˆุณู†ุนู„ู… ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ุฃู†ู‡ ู„ุง ู‚ูŠู…ุฉ ู„ุฃูŠ ู…ู†ุง ู…ู† ุฏูˆู† ุงู„ุขุฎุฑ.
09:39
Instead, I flew back to Oregon,
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ู„ูƒู† ุนูˆุถุงู‹ ุนู† ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ุนุฏุช ุฅู„ู‰ ูˆู„ุงูŠุฉ ุฃูˆุฑูŠุบูˆู†ุŒ
09:42
and as I watched the evergreens and rain come back into view,
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ูˆุจูŠู†ู…ุง ูƒู†ุช ุฃุดุงู‡ุฏ ุงู„ู…ุทุฑ ูˆุงู„ู…ู†ุงุธุฑ ุงู„ุฏุงุฆู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฎุถุฑุฉ ูˆู‡ูŠ ุชุนูˆุฏ ุฅู„ู‰ ุงู„ุญูŠุงุฉุŒ
09:48
I just drank many tiny bottles of airplane "feel sorry for yourself."
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ุดุฑุจุช ุงู„ุนุฏูŠุฏ ู…ู† ุฒุฌุงุฌุงุช "ุฃุดุนุฑ ุจุงู„ุฃุณู ู„ู†ูุณูƒ" ุงู„ุตุบูŠุฑุฉ ูˆุงู„ุชูŠ ุชู‚ุฏู… ุนู„ู‰ ู…ุชู† ุงู„ุทุงุฆุฑุฉ.
09:53
I thought about how, if I was a writer, I was some kind of misfit writer.
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ูˆููƒุฑุช ูƒูŠู ุณุฃูƒูˆู† ููŠ ุญุงู„ ูƒู†ุช ูƒุงุชุจุฉุŒ ุณุฃูƒูˆู† ุนู†ุฏู‡ุง ูƒุงุชุจุฉ ุบูŠุฑ ู…ู„ุงุฆู…ุฉ.
09:59
What I'm saying is,
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ูƒู„ ู…ุง ุฃู‚ูˆู„ู‡ ู‡ูˆุŒ
10:00
I flew back to Oregon without a book deal,
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ุฃู†ู‡ ุญุงู„ ุนูˆุฏุชูŠ ุงู„ู‰ ุฃูˆุฑูŠุบูˆู† ุฏูˆู† ุนู‚ุฏ ุชุฃู„ูŠูุŒ
10:02
without an agent,
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ูˆุฏูˆู† ูˆูƒูŠู„ ู†ุดุฑุŒ
10:03
and with only a headful and heart-ful of memories
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ูˆู…ุนูŠ ูู‚ุท ุนู‚ู„ ูˆู‚ู„ุจ ู…ู„ูŠุก ุจุงู„ุฐูƒุฑูŠุงุช
10:06
of having sat so near
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ุญูˆู„ ุฌู„ูˆุณูŠ ุงู„ู‚ุฑูŠุจ ุฌุฏุง ู‹ ู…ู†
10:09
the beautiful writers.
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ุงู„ู…ุคู„ููŠู† ุงู„ุฑุงุฆุนูŠู†.
10:12
Memory was the only prize I allowed myself.
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ูƒุงู†ุช ุงู„ุฐุงูƒุฑุฉ ู‡ูŠ ุงู„ุฌุงุฆุฒุฉ ุงู„ูˆุญูŠุฏุฉ ูˆุงู„ุชูŠ ุณู…ุญุช ุจู‡ุง ู„ู†ูุณูŠ.
10:17
And yet, at home in the dark,
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ูˆู…ุน ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ูˆุฃู†ุง ููŠ ุงู„ู…ู†ุฒู„ ุฌุงู„ุณุฉ ููŠ ุงู„ุธู„ุงู….
10:21
back in my underwear,
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ูˆููŠ ู…ู„ุงุจุณูŠ ุงู„ุฏุงุฎู„ูŠุฉ ู…ุฑุฉ ุฃุฎุฑู‰ุŒ
10:23
I could still hear their voices.
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ูƒุงู† ู…ุง ุฒุงู„ ุจูˆุณุนูŠ ุฃู† ุฃุณู…ุน ุฃุตูˆุงุชู‡ู….
10:26
They said, "Don't listen to anyone who tries to get you to shut up
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ู‚ุงู„ูˆุง: "ู„ุง ุชุณุชู…ุน ู„ุฃูŠ ุดุฎุต ูŠุญุงูˆู„ ุฅุฌุจุงุฑูƒ ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุตู…ุช
10:30
or change your story."
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ุฃูˆ ุนู„ู‰ ุชุบูŠูŠุฑ ู‚ุตุชูƒ".
10:32
They said, "Give voice to the story only you know how to tell."
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ู‚ุงู„ูˆุงุŒ "ุงุนุทู ุตูˆุชุง ู„ู‚ุตุฉ ุฃู†ุช ูู‚ุท ู…ู† ูŠุนุฑู ุฃู† ูŠุฑูˆูŠู‡ุง"
10:36
They said, "Sometimes telling the story
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ู‚ุงู„ูˆุงุŒ "ุฃู† ุงู„ู‚ูŠุงู… ุจุฑูˆุงูŠุฉ ุงู„ู‚ุตุฉ ุฃุญูŠุงู†ุงู‹
10:39
is the thing that saves your life."
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ู‡ูˆ ุงู„ุดูŠุก ุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠู†ู‚ุฐ ุญูŠุงุชูƒ".
10:43
Now I am, as you can see, the woman over 50.
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ุงู„ุขู† ุฃู†ุงุŒ ูˆูƒู…ุง ุชุฑูˆู†ุŒ ุงู„ู…ุฑุฃุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุชุฌุงูˆุฒ ุนู…ุฑู‡ุง ุงู„ุฎู…ุณูˆู† ุนุงู…ุงู‹.
10:48
And I'm a writer.
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ุฃู†ุง ู…ุคู„ูุฉ.
10:50
And I'm a mother.
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ูˆุฃู†ุง ุฃู….
10:52
And I became a teacher.
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ูˆุฃุตุจุญุช ู…ุนู„ู…ุฉ.
10:54
Guess who my favorite students are.
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ุชุฎูŠู„ูˆุง ู…ู† ู‡ู… ุทู„ุงุจูŠ ุงู„ู…ูุถู„ูˆู†.
10:58
Although it didn't happen the day
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ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฑุบู… ู…ู† ุนุฏู… ุญุฏูˆุซ ุฐู„ูƒ ููŠ ุงู„ูŠูˆู…
11:00
that dream letter came through my mailbox,
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ุงู„ุฐูŠ ุชู„ู‚ูŠุช ููŠู‡ ุฑุณุงู„ุฉ ุงู„ุญู„ู… ููŠ ุตู†ุฏูˆู‚ ุจุฑูŠุฏูŠ
11:02
I did write a memoir,
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ู‚ู…ุช ุจูƒุชุงุจุฉ ู…ุฐูƒุฑุฉุŒ
11:04
called "The Chronology of Water."
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ุชุณู…ู‰ "ุงู„ุชุณู„ุณู„ ุงู„ุฒู…ู†ูŠ ู„ู„ู…ูŠุงู‡".
11:06
In it are the stories of how many times I've had to reinvent a self
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ููŠ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‚ุตุฉ ูƒุชุจุช ูƒู… ู…ุฑุฉ ูƒุงู† ุนู„ูŠู‘ ุฅุนุงุฏุฉ ุงุฎุชุฑุงุน ู†ูุณูŠ.
11:11
from the ruins of my choices,
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ู…ู† ุฃู†ู‚ุงุถ ุฎูŠุงุฑุงุชูŠุŒ
11:14
the stories of how my seeming failures were really just weird-ass portals
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ูˆูƒูŠู ุฃู† ู…ูˆุงุทู† ุงู„ูุดู„ ู„ู… ุชูƒู† ุณูˆู‰ ุจูˆุงุจุงุช ุบุฑูŠุจุฉ ุงู„ุฃุทูˆุงุฑ
11:20
to something beautiful.
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ู„ุดูŠุก ุฌู…ูŠู„.
11:22
All I had to do was give voice to the story.
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ูƒู„ ู…ุง ูƒุงู† ุนู„ูŠู‘ ูุนู„ู‡ ู‡ูˆ ุฅุนุทุงุก ุตูˆุช ู„ู„ู‚ุตุฉ.
11:27
There's a myth in most cultures about following your dreams.
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ู‡ู†ุงูƒ ุฃุณุทูˆุฑุฉ ููŠ ู…ุนุธู… ุงู„ุซู‚ุงูุงุช ุญูˆู„ ุงุชุจุงุน ุฃุญู„ุงู…ูƒ.
11:32
It's called the hero's journey.
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ูˆุชุฏุนู‰ ุฑุญู„ุฉ ุงู„ุจุทู„.
11:35
But I prefer a different myth,
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ูˆู„ูƒู†ู†ูŠ ุฃูุถู„ ุฃุณุทูˆุฑุฉ ู…ุฎุชู„ูุฉุŒ
11:37
that's slightly to the side of that
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ู‚ุฏ ุชูˆุงุฆู… ุฃุณุทูˆุฑุฉ ุฑุญู„ุฉ ุงู„ุจุทู„
11:39
or underneath it.
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ุฃูˆ ุชุฎุชู„ู ุนู†ู‡ุง ู‚ู„ูŠู„ุง.
11:41
It's called the misfit's myth.
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ุชุณู…ู‰ ุฃุณุทูˆุฑุฉ ุงู„ุดุฎุต ุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ู…ู„ุงุฆู….
11:43
And it goes like this:
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ูˆู‡ูŠ ูƒุงู„ุชุงู„ูŠ:
11:45
even at the moment of your failure,
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ุญุชู‰ ููŠ ู„ุญุธุฉ ูุดู„ูƒุŒ
11:47
right then, you are beautiful.
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ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ุชู…ุงู…ุงุŒ ุฃู†ุช ุฑุงุฆุน.
11:51
You don't know it yet,
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ุฃู†ุช ู„ุง ุชุนุฑู ุฐู„ูƒ ุจุนุฏุŒ
11:52
but you have the ability to reinvent yourself
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ูˆู‡ูˆ ุฃู† ู„ุฏูŠูƒ ุงู„ู‚ุฏุฑุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ุฅุนุงุฏุฉ ุงุฎุชุฑุงุน ู†ูุณูƒ
11:55
endlessly.
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ูˆุจู„ุง ู†ู‡ุงูŠุฉ.
11:57
That's your beauty.
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ูˆู‡ุฐู‡ ู‡ูŠ ุฑูˆุนุชูƒ.
11:59
You can be a drunk,
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ู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชูƒูˆู† ุณูƒูŠุฑุงุŒ
12:01
you can be a survivor of abuse,
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ูˆู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชูƒูˆู† ุฃุญุฏ ุงู„ู†ุงุฌูŠู† ู…ู† ุงุนุชุฏุงุกุŒ
12:03
you can be an ex-con,
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ูˆู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชูƒูˆู† ุณุฌูŠู†ุง ุณุงุจู‚ุง.
12:05
you can be a homeless person,
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ูˆู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชูƒูˆู† ุจู„ุง ู…ุฃูˆู‰ุŒ
12:06
you can lose all your money or your job or your husband
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ูˆู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃู† ุชูู‚ุฏ ู…ุงู„ูƒ ุฃูˆ ุนู…ู„ูƒ ุฃูˆ ุฒูˆุฌูƒ
12:09
or your wife, or the worst thing of all,
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ุฃูˆ ุฒูˆุฌุชูƒุŒ ุฃูˆ ุฃู† ุชูู‚ุฏ ุฃุณูˆุฃ ุดูŠุก ุนู„ู‰ ุงู„ุฅุทู„ุงู‚ุŒ
12:12
a child.
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ุฃู† ุชูู‚ุฏ ุทูู„ูƒ.
12:13
You can even lose your marbles.
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ูˆู…ู† ุงู„ู…ู…ูƒู† ุฃูŠุถุงู‹ ุฃู† ุชูู‚ุฏ ุนู‚ู„ูƒ.
12:15
You can be standing dead center in the middle of your failure
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ู‚ุฏ ุชูƒูˆู† ูˆุงู‚ูุงู‹ ุชู…ุงู…ุงู‹ ููŠ ูˆุณุท ูุดู„ูƒ
12:20
and still, I'm only here to tell you,
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ูˆู…ุน ุฐู„ูƒุŒ ุฃู†ุง ู‡ู†ุง ู„ุฃู‚ูˆู„ ู„ูƒุŒ
12:22
you are so beautiful.
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ุฃู†ุช ููŠ ุบุงูŠุฉ ุงู„ุฑูˆุนุฉ.
12:25
Your story deserves to be heard,
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ุชุณุชุญู‚ ู‚ุตุชูƒ ุนู„ู‰ ุฃู† ุชุณู…ุนุŒ
12:27
because you, you rare and phenomenal misfit,
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ู„ุฃู†ูƒุŒ ูŠุง ุฃูŠู‡ุง ุงู„ุดุฎุต ุบูŠุฑ ุงู„ู…ู„ุงุฆู… ุงู„ู†ุงุฏุฑ ูˆุงู„ุงุณุชุซู†ุงุฆูŠุŒ
12:31
you new species,
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ูŠุง ุฃูŠู‡ุง ุงู„ู†ูˆุน ุงู„ุฌุฏูŠุฏุŒ
12:34
are the only one in the room
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ุฃู†ุช ุงู„ุดุฎุต ุงู„ูˆุญูŠุฏ ููŠ ู‡ุฐู‡ ุงู„ู‚ุงุนุฉ
12:36
who can tell the story
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ูˆุงู„ุฐูŠ ูŠู…ูƒู†ู‡ ุญูƒุงูŠุฉ ุงู„ู‚ุตุฉุŒ
12:38
the way only you would.
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ููŠ ุงู„ุทุฑูŠู‚ุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ุชุณุชุทูŠุน ุฃู†ุช ูู‚ุท ุงู„ู‚ูŠุงู… ุจู‡ุง.
12:41
And I'd be listening.
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ูˆุณุฃูƒูˆู† ุญูŠู†ู‡ุง ู…ุตุบูŠุฉ.
12:44
Thank you.
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ุดูƒุฑุงู‹ ู„ูƒู….
12:46
(Applause)
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(ุชุตููŠู‚)
ุญูˆู„ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน

ุณูŠู‚ุฏู… ู„ูƒ ู‡ุฐุง ุงู„ู…ูˆู‚ุน ู…ู‚ุงุทุน ููŠุฏูŠูˆ YouTube ุงู„ู…ููŠุฏุฉ ู„ุชุนู„ู… ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ. ุณุชุฑู‰ ุฏุฑูˆุณ ุงู„ู„ุบุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ุชูŠ ูŠุชู… ุชุฏุฑูŠุณู‡ุง ู…ู† ู‚ุจู„ ู…ุฏุฑุณูŠู† ู…ู† ุงู„ุฏุฑุฌุฉ ุงู„ุฃูˆู„ู‰ ู…ู† ุฌู…ูŠุน ุฃู†ุญุงุก ุงู„ุนุงู„ู…. ุงู†ู‚ุฑ ู†ู‚ุฑู‹ุง ู…ุฒุฏูˆุฌู‹ุง ููˆู‚ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุฉ ุงู„ุฅู†ุฌู„ูŠุฒูŠุฉ ุงู„ู…ุนุฑูˆุถุฉ ุนู„ู‰ ูƒู„ ุตูุญุฉ ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู„ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ ู…ู† ู‡ู†ุงูƒ. ูŠุชู… ุชู…ุฑูŠุฑ ุงู„ุชุฑุฌู…ุงุช ุจุงู„ุชุฒุงู…ู† ู…ุน ุชุดุบูŠู„ ุงู„ููŠุฏูŠูˆ. ุฅุฐุง ูƒุงู† ู„ุฏูŠูƒ ุฃูŠ ุชุนู„ูŠู‚ุงุช ุฃูˆ ุทู„ุจุงุช ุŒ ูŠุฑุฌู‰ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ุจู†ุง ุจุงุณุชุฎุฏุงู… ู†ู…ูˆุฐุฌ ุงู„ุงุชุตุงู„ ู‡ุฐุง.

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