Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness | Michele L. Sullivan

譯者: Yanyan Hong 審譯者: Wilde Luo

We all have milestones in life that we remember so vividly.

我們的生命中都會有一些 記憶深刻的里程碑式的事件。

The first one for me was when I was entering kindergarten.

對我來説，第一件這樣的事情 發生在我進幼稚園的時候。

My big brother was in school, and by golly, it was my time.

我哥哥那時候已經上學了， 哇，現在終於輪到我了。

And I went trottin' down that hallway.

我沿著走廊一路小跑，

I was so excited, I almost wet myself.

感到非常興奮，差點要尿褲子。

And I go to the door,

我到了門邊，

and there was the teacher with a warm welcome,

老師已經在那裡， 然後她熱烈地歡迎我，

and she took me into the classroom,

並把我領進教室，

showed me my little cubbyhole --

然後帶我去看我的小櫃子——

we all remember those little cubbyholes, don't we --

大家應該都記得那樣的小櫃子吧，

and we put our stuff in there.

就是我們會把東西放裡面的那種。

And then she said, "Go over to the circle

然後老師說：「先去圓圈那邊 和小朋友們玩一會兒，

and play with the kids until class starts."

然後我們再上課。」

So I went over there and plopped down like I owned the place,

於是我就過去一屁股坐下， 就像是我的地盤一樣，

and I'm playing,

然後就開始玩耍，

and all of a sudden, the boy next to me,

突然坐在我旁邊的男孩，

he was wearing a white shirt with blue shorts.

他當時穿著白襯衣和藍短褲。

I remember it like it was yesterday.

我非常清楚地記得這點。

Suddenly he stopped playing and he said,

他突然就不玩了，對我説：

"Why are you so short?"

「你為什麼這麼矮？」

And I just kept playing. I didn't think he was talking to me.

而我繼續玩我的， 壓根沒想到他是在和我説話。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And in a louder voice, he said,

他更大聲地又問一遍：

"Hey, why are you so short?"

「喂，你為什麼這麼矮呀？」

So I looked up and I said,

我擡起頭看看他說：

"What are you talking about? Let's just play. We're happy.

「你在説什麽呀？我們 就一起玩嘛，大家都很開心呀。

I've been waiting for this."

我等這一天很久了。」

And so we played, and about a minute later,

我們接著玩了不到一分鐘， 坐在他旁邊的一個女孩，

the girl next to him, in a white shirt and a pink skirt,

她穿著白色襯衣和粉紅色裙子，

stood up, put her hands on her hips,

站起來，背著手問：

and said, "Yeah, why do you look so different?"

「對呀，你怎麼和我們不一樣？」

And I went, "What are you talking about?

我説：「你到底在説什麽呀？

I don't look different. I'm not short. Again, let's just play."

我沒有不一樣呀，我又不矮， 我們就一起玩吧。」

About this time, I looked all around the circle I was in,

這時我看了看周圍，

and all the kids had stopped playing and they were all looking at me.

所有的人都不再玩了，都在看著我。

And I'm thinking --

我當時就在想——

in today's language, it would be "OMG" or "WTF."

用今天的話就是 「我的媽呀」或者「什麼鬼」。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

What just happened?

到底發生了什麼？

So all the confidence that I went in with that morning

就這樣，我原本滿滿的信心

was withering away as the morning went on

隨著那個早上接二連三的提問

一點一點喪失了。

and the questions kept coming.

And at the end of the morning, before I went home,

最後快到中午了，在回家之前，

the teacher had us in a circle,

老師又讓我們圍成一個圈，

and I actually found myself outside of the circle.

那時候我已經不敢站到圈子裡面了。

I couldn't look at anybody.

我不敢看任何人。

I could not understand what just happened.

而且完全不知道到底發生了什麼。

And over the next few years,

在接下來的幾年裡，

I hated to go out in public.

我討厭去公共場所。

I felt every stare, every giggle,

我可以感受到每一次側目， 每一聲嘲笑，

every pointed finger,

每一次指指點點，

not the finger,

不是說的手指本身，

but every pointed finger,

而是每一次的指指點點，

and I hated it.

我討厭這一切。

I would hide behind my parents' legs like nobody could see me.

我躲在我父母的身後， 就像沒人能看見我一樣。

And as a child,

當你還是孩子的時候，

you can't understand another child's curiosity,

你不理解其他孩子的好奇心，

nor an adult's ignorance.

也不理解成人的愚昧。

It became very apparent to me that the real world was not built

對我來說，很顯然這個世界不是為

我這樣的人建立的， 不管是形體上還是心理上。

for someone of my size, both literally or figuratively.

And so I have no anonymity, as you can probably tell,

當你看到我的時候

and while you can see my size,

你大概就已經知道 我沒辦法掩飾我的弱點，

we all go through many challenges through our lifetime.

我們在生命裡都會經歷很多挑戰。

And some you can see, like mine.

有的挑戰你能夠看見， 比如我的挑戰。

Most you can't.

但大多數是你看不見的。

You can't tell if someone's dealing with a mental illness,

你不會知道某人 正受精神疾病的困擾，

or they're struggling with their gender identity,

或者他們為自己的性別而困擾，

they're caring for an aging parent,

他們或許要照料年邁的父母，

they're having financial difficulty.

或許面臨經濟上的困難。

You can't see that kind of stuff.

你不會知道這些。

So while you can see

你知道我所有的挑戰之一，

one of my challenges is my size,

就是我的身體，

seeing does not mean you understand

但看到並不等於你知道

what it's truly to be me on a daily basis, or what I go through.

像我這樣到底意味著什麼， 或者每天會經歷些什麼。

And so I'm here to debunk a myth.

所以在此我要打破一個幻想。

I do not believe you can walk in someone else's shoes,

我不相信你可以真正地 從別人的立場看問題，

and because of that, we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves.

正因如此，我們應該想想 到底自己該怎麼做。

Simply stated, I will never know what it's like to be you

簡單來説，就是我永遠 不知道成為你是什麽感覺，

and you will never know what it's like to be me.

而你也永遠不會知道 成為我是什麼感覺。

I cannot face your fears or chase your dreams,

我不能體會你的恐懼， 或為你追逐你的夢想，

and you can't do that for me,

你也沒法幫我做這些，

but we can be supportive of each other.

但是我們能支持彼此。

Instead of trying to walk in each other's shoes,

我們不再追求一定要感同身受，

we must adopt a new way of giving of ourselves.

而是學著用新的方式提供幫助。

I learned at an early age

我很小就知道

that I did have to do some things different than most people,

我確實需要做很多 和大家不一樣的事情，

but I also learned there were things I was on equal footing with,

但我也知道我在一些地方 理應被平等對待，

and one of those was the classroom.

其中一個就是在課堂上。

Heh, heh, heh. I was equal.

哈哈，我是和大家一樣的。

As a matter of fact, I excelled in the classroom.

事實上，我在課堂上表現出色。

This was vitally important, I discovered as I grew older

這一點極其重要，因為當我漸漸長大

and realized I wasn't going to be able to do a physical job.

並意識到我做不了體力勞動。

I needed an education.

我就需要念書。

So I went on and got a university degree,

就這樣我一路拿到了大學文憑，

but I felt to be one step ahead of everyone for employment,

但我想，如果要在求職中領先一步，

I needed to have an advanced university degree,

我還必須要一個更高級的文憑，

so I went ahead and got that.

所以我又繼續拿到了這個文憑。

Now I'm ready for my interview.

這樣的話我就準備好去面試了。

Remember your first interview? What am I going to wear?

你還記得你的第一次面試嗎？ 你會想面試要穿什麼？

What questions?

會被問到什麼問題？

And don't forget that firm handshake.

而且不要忘記要強有力地握手。

I was right there with you.

我想的和你一樣。

So 24 hours before my interview,

在距我面試還有 24 小時的時候，

a friend of mine who I've known all my life

有一個我認識很長時間的 朋友打電話給我說：

called and said, "Michele, the building you're going in has steps."

「米歇爾，你要去的 那座大廈有樓梯。」

And she knew I couldn't climb steps.

她知道我爬不了樓梯。

So suddenly, my focus changed.

就這樣突然間，我關心的事情變了。

In my shoes, I was worried about how am I going to get there?

從我的角度來看，我擔心的是 我該怎麼去到面試的地方？

So I went early and found a loading dock and got in and had a great interview.

第二天我去得很早， 找到了一個卸貨升降臺，

順利地進到那座大廈 並且面試得還不錯。

They had no idea what I went through for the day and that's OK.

他們都不知道我是 怎麼進去的，不過沒關係。

You're probably thinking my greatest challenge that day was the interview,

你或許會認為我那天 最大的挑戰是那場面試，

or getting in the building.

或是怎麽進到那座大廈。

In reality, my biggest challenge that day

但實際上我那天最大的挑戰

was getting through the loading dock without getting run over.

是怎樣到達那個升降臺 而不會被撞倒。

I am very vulnerable in certain situations:

在很多場所我是一個非常脆弱的人，

airports, hallways, parking lots,

比如機場、過道、停車場，

loading docks.

還有升降臺。

And so I have to be very careful.

所以我不得不非常小心。

I have to anticipate and be flexible

我必须要預先判斷情況， 然後靈活調整行動。

and move as quickly as I can sometimes.

有時要盡可能快地行動。

So I got the job,

在最後我得到了那份工作，

and in my current role I travel quite a bit.

我現在的這份工作 需要我頻繁地出差。

And travel is a challenge for all of us these days.

去外地對我們所有人 來説都是一個挑戰。

And so you probably get to the airport, run through security, get to the gate.

你可能跑到了機場， 通過安檢，到達登機門。

Did I get my aisle seat or my window seat? Did I get my upgrade?

要考慮我是坐在靠走道的 還是靠窗位置？我能不能升等？

Me, first of all, I don't run through anything.

對我來説，這都和我無關。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I especially don't run through the TSA

特别的是，我不用通過 運輸安全管理局的檢測，

because I get to experience the personal patdown.

那是因為我需要接受全身搜查。

I won't comment on that.

對此我不想說什麽。

And then I make my way to the gate,

然後我直接去了登機門，

and with my gift of gab that my parents said I was born with,

我特別多話喜歡聊天， 我父母說我天生如此，

I talk to the gate agent, and then I say, "By the way, my scooter weighs this much,

我先和登機門的地勤聊天，然後說： 「順帶一提，我的助步車大概這麼重。

I have a dry cell battery,

我有乾電池自動運行，

and I can drive it down to the door of the plane."

我可以自己駕駛到機艙門口。」

Also, the day before, I had called the city where I'm traveling to

而且在頭一天，我已經 打電話給我將要去的城市。

to find out where I could rent a scooter in case mine gets broken on the way.

問清楚了哪裡可以租助步車， 以防我這輛半路壞掉。

So in my shoes, it's a little bit different.

所以在我看來，旅途中 往往有不一樣的考慮和擔憂。

When I get onto the plane,

上飛機以後，

I use my gift of gab to ask the lady to put my bag up, and they graciously do.

通過閒聊，我會請空姐幫我把包放好， 她們總是願意無私地幫助我。

I try not to eat or drink on a plane

我在飛機上一般盡量不吃喝東西。

because I don't want to have to get up and walk on the plane,

因爲我不想被迫在 機艙内走動去洗手間，

but nature has its own schedule,

但這我是控制不住自己的，

and not long ago, it knocked and I answered.

果然不久後我還是想上洗手間， 於是我不得不做點什麼。

So I walked up to the front of the plane

我走到機艙的前部，

and gabbed with the flight attendant,

小聲地告訴空姐：

and said, "Can you watch the door? I can't reach the lock."

「可不可以幫我看下門？ 我夠不著鎖。」

So I'm in there doing my business, and the door flies open.

就在我使用洗手間時， 門忽然被打開了。

And there's a gentleman there

一位男士站在門口，

with a look of horror on his face.

表情非常恐慌。

I'm sure I had the same look.

我相信我的表情也是一樣的恐慌。

As I came out, I noticed that he was sitting right across from me,

等我出來的時候， 我發現他就坐我對面。

and he's in total, complete embarrassment.

他顯得非常尷尬。

So I walk up to him and I quietly go,

於是我走到他身邊，向他小聲地說：

"Are you going to remember this as much as I am?"

「你一定會和我一樣 記住剛才那一幕吧？」

(Laughter)

（大笑）

And he goes, "I think so."

他說：「我想是這樣的。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, while he's probably not talking about it publicly, I am.

他大概不會像我一樣 公開談論這件事情。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But we talked for the rest of the flight,

之後在飛機上我們一直在聊，

and we got to know each other, our families, sports, work,

我們開始認識彼此，聊到我們的 家庭，喜歡的運動，工作等等

and when we landed, he said,

飛機降落了，他説：

"Michele, I noticed someone put your bag up.

「米歇爾，有人幫你把包放上去了，

Can I get that for you?"

要我幫你拿下來嗎？」

And I said, "Of course, thank you."

我說：「好呀，謝謝你。」

And we wished each other well,

我們祝彼此好運，

and the most important thing that day

最重要的是

was that he was not going to leave with that embarrassment,

那一天我們沒有帶著尷尬分別，

that experience of embarrassment.

也不會一直想著那次尷尬的經歷。

He won't forget it, and neither will I,

但是他不會忘記這件事，我也不會，

but I think he will remember more

我知道留在他記憶裡更多的是

our chat and our different perspectives.

我們的聊天以 及我們各自看問題的視角。

When you travel internationally,

當你在國際的旅行中，

it can be even more challenging in certain ways.

也許會面對更多的挑戰。

A few years ago, I was in Zanzibar,

幾年前我去桑吉巴時，

and I come wheeling in,

我坐在輪椅上，

and think about that.

試想一下：

Short, white, blond woman in a chair.

一個矮小的金髮白女人 坐在一個小椅子上。

That doesn't probably happen every day.

這肯定不是每天都能見到的場景。

So I go up, and with my gift of gab, I start to talk to the agent.

因此我又啓動了自己 愛説話的技能，和地勤搭話。

So friendly, and I ask about their culture and so forth,

我友好地問他們關於 他們文化一類的問題，

and I notice there wasn't a jet bridge.

這時我發現這趟航班没有空橋。

So I had to kind of say,

於是我說：

"Not only do you have to lift my chair,

「看來你不僅要幫我抬助步車，

I could use some help getting up the steps."

可能還要幫我爬上臺階。」

So we got to spend about an hour together while we waited for the flight,

接下來等飛機的一個小時裡， 我們都待在一起，

and it was the most magnificent hour.

那是非常美妙的一個小時。

Our perspective changed for both of us that day.

我們倆看待對方的視角 都發生了改變。

And once I got on the flight,

我登上飛機以後，

he patted me on the back and wished me well,

他拍了拍我的背，祝我一切順利，

and I thanked him so much.

我也再三感謝他。

And again, I think he's going to remember that experience more

我想他會更多地記住我們的談話，

than when I first came in, and there was a bit of hesitation.

而不是我走進來時的尷尬。

And as you notice, I get a lot of help.

你應該知道，我得過很多人的幫助。

I would not be where I am today

如果沒有我的家庭，朋友，同事，

if it was not for my family, my friends, my colleagues

還有無數的陌生人

每天給我的幫助，

and the many strangers

我今天不會站在這裡。

that help me every single day of my life.

And it's important that we all have a support system.

有一點非常重要的是，我們 有一個互相支持與幫助的體系。

Asking for help is a strength,

懂得尋求幫助是一種能力，

not a weakness.

而不是一個弱點。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

We all need help throughout our lifetime,

終其一生我們都需要別人的幫助，

but it is just as important

同時也給予別人幫助

that we are part of other people's support systems.

也非常重要。

We must adopt that way of giving back.

我們應該學著 用這樣的方式回饋他人。

We all obviously have a role to play in our own successes,

很顯然我們在各自的人生裡 扮演著重要的角色，

but think about the role we have to play in other people's successes,

但同時也應該想想我們能在 別人的人生裡扮演怎樣的角色，

just like people do for me every single day.

就像別人每天為我做的一切一樣。

It's vitally important that we help each other,

互相幫助非常重要，

because society is increasingly placing people in silos

因爲這個社會漸漸地把人們隔離在

由偏見和意識形態建成的高塔裡。

based on biases and ideologies.

And we must look past the surface

而我們不能單單看表面，

and be confronted with the truth

我們要去瞭解事情的真相：

that none of us are what you can see.

你看不到我們每個人真正的内心。

There's more to us than that,

因為每個人都是那麼的豐富，

and we're all dealing with things that you cannot see.

而我們一直在和 你看不到的東西打交道。

So living a life free of judgment

所以我們不要去評判別人的人生，

allows all of us to share those experiences together

而是能夠一起分享我們的經歷，

and have a totally different perspective,

去從不同點角度看待事物，

just like the couple of people I mentioned earlier in my stories.

就像我之前提到的幾個故事一樣。

So remember, the only shoes

記住這一點：

你只能穿著你自己的鞋子走路， 就好比只有你瞭解自己。

you truly can walk in are your own.

I cannot walk in yours.

我不能穿你的鞋。

I know you can't walk in my size 1s --

我想你也穿不下我 1 號的鞋一樣——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

but you can try.

沒準你能試試。

But we can do something better than that.

然而，我們能做得更好。

With compassion, courage and understanding,

帶著同情、勇氣和理解，

we can walk side by side

我們可以並肩同行，

and support one another,

支持彼此。

and think about how society can change

如果我們都這樣做了，

而不是僅僅依靠你 所看見的東西判斷事物，

if we all do that

instead of judging on only what you can see.

想一想，這個社會會有怎樣的改變？

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝大家。