Megan Washington: Why I live in mortal dread of public speaking

Prevodilac: Anca Dimovska Lektor: Mile Živković

I didn't know when I agreed to do this

Nisam znala kad sam pristajala na ovo

whether I was expected to talk or to sing.

da li se od mene očekuje da pričam ili pevam.

But when I was told that the topic was language,

Ali kad mi je rečeno da je tema jezik,

I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.

osetila sam da moram da pričam o nečemu na trenutak.

I have a problem.

Ja imam problem.

It's not the worst thing in the world.

Nije to najgora stvar na svetu.

I'm fine.

Dobro sam ja.

I'm not on fire.

Ne gorim.

I know that other people in the world

Znam da drugi ljudi na svetu

have far worse things to deal with,

imaju mnogo veće probleme,

but for me, language and music are

ali za mene, jezik i muzika su

inextricably linked through this one thing.

neraspletivo povezani kroz jednu stvar.

And the thing is that I have a stutter.

A to je da ja mucam.

It might seem curious given that I spend

Možda to zvuči čudno s obzirom da provodim

a lot of my life on the stage.

dosta vremena na sceni.

One would assume that I'm comfortable

Neko bi rekao da mi je prijatno

in the public sphere and comfortable here,

u javnosti i da mi je ovde prijatno,

speaking to you guys.

dok pričam sa vama.

But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point

Ali je istina da sam provela svoj život do ovog trenutka

and including this point, living in mortal dread

i uključujući ovaj trenutak u smrtnom strahu

of public speaking.

od govora u javnosti.

Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter)

Pevanje u javnosti, skroz druga stvar. (Smeh)

But we'll get to that in a moment.

Ali doći ćemo uskoro i do toga.

I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.

Nisam nikad ranije eksplicitno pričala o tome.

I think that that's because I've always lived in hope

Mislim da je to zato što sam uvek živela u nadi

that when I was a grown-up,

da kada odrastem,

I wouldn't have one.

neću da mucam.

I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown,

Živela sam sa tom idejom da ću kada odrastem,

I'll have learned to speak French,

da naučim da pričam francuski,

and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money,

i da ću kada odrastem, da naučim kako sa novcem,

and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter,

i kada odrastem, neću da mucam.

and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister

i onda ću moći da govorim u javnosti, i možda postanem premijer

and anything's possible and, you know.

i znate, sve je moguće.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So I can talk about it now

Mogu o tome sad da govorim

because I've reached this point, where —

jer sam dostigla tačku gde ja -

I mean, I'm 28.

mislim, imam 28 godina.

I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now.

Prilično sam sigurna da sam odrasla.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And I'm an adult woman

I ja sam odrasla žena

who spends her life as a performer,

koja provodi život kao izvođač,

with a speech impediment.

sa govornom manom.

So, I might as well come clean about it.

Tako da mogu i otvoreno o tome.

There are some interesting angles to having a stutter.

Ima nekih zanimljivih stvari kad mucaš.

For me, the worst thing that can happen

Najgora stvar za mene koja može da se dogodi je

is meeting another stutterer.

da sretnem drugu osobu koja muca.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

This happened to me in Hamburg, when

Ovo mi se desilo u Hamburgu,

this guy, we met and he said,

kada je jedan momak, sreli smo se i rekao je,

"Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe,"

"Zdravo, m-m-m-m-moje ime je Džo,"

and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg."

i ja sam rekla, "O zdravo, m-m-m-moje ime je Meg."

Imagine my horror when I realized

Zamislite moj užas kad sam shvatila

he thought I was making fun of him.

da je on mislio da ga ismevam.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

People think I'm drunk all the time.

Ljudi misle da sam stalno pijana.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

People think that I've forgotten their name

Misle da sam im zaboravila ime.

when I hesitate before saying it.

kad oklevam pre nego što izgovorim.

And it is a very weird thing, because

I to je jako čudno, jer

proper nouns are the worst.

su vlastite imenice najgore.

If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence,

Ako koristim reč "sreda" u rečenici,

and I'm coming up to the word,

i dolazim do te reči,

and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something,

i osećam da ću da zamucam ili tako nešto,

I can change the word to "tomorrow,"

mogu da promenim reč u "sutra",

or "the day after Tuesday,"

ili u "dan posle utorka",

or something else.

ili nešto drugo.

It's clunky, but you can get away with it,

Nezgodno je, ali možeš sa tim da se izvučeš,

because over time I've developed this

jer sam tokom vremena razvila ovaj

loophole method of using speech

metod izgovora gde koristim jezik

where right at the last minute you

gdenu poslednjem minutu

change the thing and you trick your brain.

promeniš reč da prevariš svoj mozak.

But with people's names, you can't change them.

Ali imena ljudi ne možete da menjate.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

When I was singing a lot of jazz,

Kada sam dosta pevala dosta džez,

I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.

radila sam sa pijanistom koji se zvao Stiv.

As you can probably gather,

Kao što možete i da pretpostavite,

S's and T's, together or independently,

"S" i "T", zajedno ili odvojeno,

are my kryptonite.

su moj kriptonit.

But I would have to introduce the band

Ali morala sam da predstavim bend

over this rolling vamp,

sa ovom svojom improvizacijom koja se ponavlja,

and when I got around to Steve,

i kada dođem do Stiva,

I'd often find myself stuck on the "St."

često se zaglavim kod "St".

And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe.

I bilo je čudno i neprijatno i potpuno ubije atmosferu.

So after a few instances of this,

I posle par ovakvih situacija,

Steve happily became "Seve,"

Stiv je na sreću postao "Siv",

and we got through it that way. (Laughter)

i tako smo to rešili. (Smeh)

I've had a lot of therapy,

Imala sam puno terapije,

and a common form of treatment is to use

ustaljeni oblik lečenja je da se koristi

this technique that's called smooth speech,

tehnika koja se zove umiljati govor,

which is where you almost sing everything that you say.

gde se skoro pa peva sve što se kaže.

You kind of join everything together in this

Kao da sve spojiš na taj

very singsong, kindergarten teacher way,

pevljiv način vaspitačice,

and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium,

i čini da zvučiš vrlo smireno, kao da si uzeo dosta valijuma,

and everything is calm. (Laughter)

i sve je mirno. (Smeh)

That's not actually me.

To u suštini nisam ja.

And I do use that. I do.

I ja ovo koristim. Da.

I use it when I have to be on panel shows,

Koristim ovo kad sam u nekom panel šou,

or when I have to do radio interviews,

ili kad radim intervju na radiju,

when the economy of airtime is paramount.

kad je ušteda vremena u etru najvažnija.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I get through it that way for my job.

Na ovaj način to odradim zbog mog posla.

But as an artist who feels that their work

Ali kao umetnik koji oseća da je njegov rad

is based solely on a platform of honesty

je jedino zasnovan na platformi iskrenosti

and being real,

i osećaja stvarnosti,

that feels often like cheating.

ovo se često čini kao varanje.

Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you

i zato sam htela da vam kažem, pre nego što pevam

what singing means to me.

šta mi znači pevanje.

It's more than making nice sounds,

To je više od stvaranja lepih zvukova,

and it's more than making nice songs.

i više od stvaranja lepih pesama.

It's more than feeling known, or understood.

Više od toga da se osećaš poznato, ili da si shvaćen.

It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.

To je više od osećanja stvari koje ja osećam.

It's not about mythology,

Nije to zbog mitologije,

or mythologizing myself to you.

ili stvaranja mitologije od sebe.

Somehow, through some miraculous

Nekako, kroz neku čudesnu

synaptic function of the human brain,

sinaptičku funkciju ljudskog mozga,

it's impossible to stutter when you sing.

nemoguće je da mucaš kad pevaš.

And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment

Kad sam bila mlađa, to je bio metod mog lečenja

that worked very well for me,

koji je kod mene jako dobro delovao,

singing, so I did it a lot.

pevanje, pa sam ja to dosta radila.

And that's why I'm here today.

I zato sam danas ovde.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

Singing for me is sweet relief.

Za mene je pevanje slatko olakšanje.

It is the only time when I feel fluent.

To je jedino vreme kad se osećam razgovetno.

It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth

To je jedino vreme da ono što mi izađe iz usta

is comprehensively exactly what I intended.

je sveobuhvatno tačno ono što sam naumila.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So I know that this is a TED Talk,

Znam da je ovo TED govor,

but now i'm going to TED sing.

ali sad ću da TED pevam.

This is a song that I wrote last year.

Ovo je pesma koju sam napisala prošle godine.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Hvala vam mnogo, Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

(Piano)

(Klavir)

♪ I would be a beauty ♪

♪ Bila bih lepotica♪

♪ but my nose ♪

♪ ali moj nos ♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪ je malkice veći ♪

♪ for my face ♪

♪ za moje lice ♪

♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪

♪ I bila bih sanjar ♪

♪ but my dream ♪

♪ ali moj san ♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪ je malkice veći ♪

♪ for this space ♪

♪ za ovaj prostor ♪

♪ And I would be an angel ♪

♪ I bila bih anđeo ♪

♪ but my halo ♪

♪ ali moj oreol ♪

♪ it pales in the glow ♪

♪ bledi u sjaju ♪

♪ of your grace ♪

♪ tvoje milosti ♪

♪ And I would be a joker ♪

♪ I bila bih džoker♪

♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪

♪ ali ta karta izgleda smešno kad ti igraš ♪

♪ your ace ♪

♪ sa svojim asom ♪

♪ I'd like to know ♪

♪ Volela bih da znam ♪

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪ Ima li zvezda u paklu? ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ I volela bih da znam ♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪ da znam ako znaš ♪

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪ da zbog tebe gubim sve što znam ♪

♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪ da ne mogu da izaberem da li da odustanem ili ne ♪

♪ And I'd stay forever ♪

♪ A ostala bih zauvek ♪

♪ but my home ♪

♪ ali moj dom ♪

♪ is slightly too far ♪

♪ je malkice predaleko ♪

♪ from this place ♪

♪ od ovog mesta ♪

♪ And I swear I tried to ♪

♪ I kunem se da sam pokušala ♪

♪ slow it down ♪

♪ da usporim ♪

♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪

♪ kada hodam u tvom ritmu ♪

♪ But all I could think ♪

♪ Ali jedino sam mogla da mislim ♪

♪ idling through the cities ♪

♪ na prazan hod kroz grad ♪

♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪

♪ Izgledam li lepo na kiši? ♪

♪ And I don't know how someone ♪

♪ I ne znam kako neko ♪

♪ quite so lovely ♪

♪ tako drag ♪

♪ makes me feel ugly ♪

♪ čini da se osećam ružnom ♪

♪ So much shame ♪

♪ mnogo srama ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ I volela bih da znam ♪

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪ Ima li zvezda u paklu ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ I volela bih da znam ♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪ da znam da li znaš ♪

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪ da me činiš da gubim sve što znam ♪

♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪ da ne mogu da izaberem da li da odustanem ili ne ♪

Thank you very much. (Applause)

Hvala vam puno. (Aplauz)